Reading Reviews for The Deal
  
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Siriusly89 The Deal

10th July 2013:
Sarahjane (again!) with review #3!

Why is Cornelius Fudge in a ships bathroom for a meeting? This already has me interested and Iíve read three lines! Ah! Thatís the explanation, whoever he was meeting with wanted to keep it low-key! Heís meeting with Rufus? As in the guy whoís Minister of Magic?

Whatís going on here? And whatís this about an envelope?

Ah, so Rufus has yet to become Minister, Cornelius still has his job (for now. . .) Wait! Hold it! Cornelius has been re-instated at Minister? But didnít some Death Eater become Minister after Scrimgeour died? Now Iím really confused.

Okay, so Rufus traded his life for complete control of the Ministry, but that still doesnít explain why Fudge is Minister. This is the best mystery Iíve read in a good while! And Fudge wants Voldemorts will, but why? And Iím not sure if Voldemort would even have a will? What would be in it? ĎTo Bellatrix, I give complete control of my army, and also enough money to get herself checked into the permanent ward in St. Mungoís!í

I know this probably isnít supposed to be a funny one-shot, but the image of Fudge fishing around in a manky loo, just to find out who Voldie gave sole custody of Nagini to, is too funny!

Oh. My. God. Scrimgeour planned the whole thing so he could get a bit of entertainment out of Fudge, while murdering him aboard Durmstrangs ship? WHAT? And then at the end, is this one-shot a bit AU? I think it is!

And how wrong Voldieís will was, because he died! HA!

Looking forward to the next one!

Sarahjane

Author's Response: Hi Sarahjane!

This is definitely an odd one-shot, haha. It's definitely a little AU - post-Hogwarts and Fudge has managed to become Minister again - but the prompt was so odd that it required a bit of manipulation of the plot. :)

I did find it a bit comical as well, in that everything's kind of dramatic and mysterious, yet it's all happening in a ship's bathroom, of all things.

I'm glad you enjoyed this one-shot, and thanks so much for the review!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


 Report Review

Review #2, by Aphoride The Deal

2nd June 2013:
Hey there - dropping off your requested review from the forums! :)

Okay, so woah. I've never ever read something like this - understandable, I suppose, since this was written for a challenge and all that kind of stuff - but, seriously, this is pretty much unique, I think.

I love how you wrote Fudge. He has the same bumbling demeanour that he did in canon - you know: easily pressured into doing things he doesn't necessarily doesn't want to do, perhaps a bit stupider than he should be, a little bit too trusting. After all, if some bloke who was in league with a dark wizard and was supposed to be dead asked me to meet him for a confidential chat in the loo of an old ship, I probably wouldn't go, lol.

But that aside, your characterisation was great. Really, really great. I loved how you made Fudge almost the honest one of the two of them - he's the one who didn't expect to be betrayed and seems to dislike playing games and toying with people in the same way that Scrimgeour does. Scrimgeour was so good, too - I loved how you made him out to be manipulative and darker than he is in the books, and actually kinda scary, too, with the way he's so casual about everything he's doing.

The line 'the will of the Dark Lord' made me laugh, as I first read it as a will as in when you die, lol. Intentional possible pun or not, it's still good! I loved how the paper in the envelope only read 'I will never die'. It seems an odd boast for the Dark Lord to make to a politician who presumably he's had ordered to be killed, but when you consider the Horcruxes it obviously takes on a different meaning. And poor Fudge, he has no idea that the Dark Lord is, actually, somewhat correct about his statement. He has no idea what it means. Besides, the sort of melodrama which the letter has is just like the Dark Lord. Reminds me of his monologues in the books... :P

The one thing I did think is that some of your paragraphing is a bit odd. Like, they're all really, really short. You could add in some description, I think, here and there to help pad it out - like when Fudge is nervous, does he fiddle with things? What things? What do they look like? What is Scrimgeour wearing - he's supposed to be dead, after all. What can he see out the porthole? It will help make your paragraphs longer :) You could also join some of them up with each other, where the action from one to the next is continuous. If you're not sure, I'd ask a quick beta on the forums, pm one, and ask them to look this over for you checking for that. It's not a hard thing to learn, but it will make a difference to your writing!

The plot of this was great, though! I'm guessing it's AU, but I liked it nonetheless. Given how corrupt the Ministry is as a whole, it seems perfectly possible to me that Scrimgeour is equally, or more so, corrupt than Fudge was.

Your style and flow and pace in this were all great, too. Because it was centred around a conversation, and there was a lot of information about the back story to get across, the fact that it's not hugely pacey doesn't matter - and the pace is actually still pretty quick.

So yeah, I enjoyed reading this! I hope you didn't think I was too harsh, and feel free to re-request for something else in the future! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi!

You're probably right in saying that this is a really different idea - as I was writing this, I couldn't help but think, "what on earth is this and why am I writing it?" :)

I kind of exaggerated the characters we know already in Fudge and Scrimgeour here, and I'm glad that you like that - they were fun to write!

Yes, that was a rather intentional pun. :) Voldemort definitely seems like the cocky type, so his little letter seemed very in character of him.

I will definitely go in and add more detail, because it is a very skin-and-bones type story right now, and I think adding more detail might help!

Thanks so much for the review and the concrit! :)

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


 Report Review

Review #3, by adluvshp The Deal

19th May 2013:
Tag!

Wow, this was a very different story, something I've never come across before, so I liked it. The whole plot concept was great and I loved your characterisations. Rufus and Fudge were very much in-character and the way you described everything was awesome.

Your writing style was really captivating and it was all quite suspenseful. I loved the 'will' of Voldemort, which was very fitting - I will never die. I also liked the parallel Fudge drew between himself and Voldemort that they both weren't really immortal. The ending was quite fitting too, Rufus was so ruthless and yet I liked him.

All in all, great job! It was a well-written one-shot and I enjoyed it.

Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: This story is definitely an off-the-wall one, and there were multiple times while writing that I would think to myself, "what on earth am I writing?"

I'm glad that you liked the characters of Rufus and Fudge, as it was fun to dramatize both of their character traits to produce these characters the way that they are.

You like my writing style? Yay. :) I found myself liking Rufus too, so you're not alone on that one!

Thanks for the review!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


 Report Review

Review #4, by Erised The Deal

19th May 2013:
Hello!

Goodness! What a powerful story. I think you did such a good job with the prompts we provided, especially the object and setting - they were very smooth indeed. Fudge and Scrimgeour are excellent characters to put together and really lend themselves to an antagonistic relationship which is really great to read, too.

I love how devious Rufus was with the will and the meeting place and that he'd secretly planned it all out. As a character he definitely seemed like the type of person who had a 'past' in the books, I think you worked with that excellently. Fudge was his usual bumbling self by not using a Summoning Charm and just generally being outwitted by the better man. I loved it!

I definitely didn't expect the ending at all and was kinda shocked at how ruthless Rufus was about it in order to get his way. I loved the will itself too and what it said, considering the outcome of the books. It definitely packed a punch!

Great entry here :)

Author's Response: Hi!

I'm glad the individual characters, object, and setting worked well - that was a concern of mine, considering how "out there" all of them were. It was a brilliant challenge, by the way. :)

It was fun to dramatize both Rufus and Cornelius's characters in this scene, so I'm glad you liked it as well!

Thanks for the review!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


 Report Review

Review #5, by HeyMrsPotter The Deal

14th May 2013:
Descriptions, characterization, flow, and anything else you see.

Hello! Here for your requested review.
I like that immediately you draw the reader in by creating a sense of mystery, straight away I'm intrigued. Though I have to admit, I got to the end of the story and was a little confused. What was in the will that mattered so much to Cornelius? And why were they on the Durmstrang ship?
In terms of characterisation, I think you have Rufus perfectly written. Handing over the ministry to Voldemort to save his own backside is something I could absolutely imagine him doing. I thought that it was a little harsh killing Cornelius but he does seem the type that would do anything to get ahead.
Cornelius is brilliant too, you've written him as naive and a little dim-witted which is how I always felt he came across in the books.
Your descriptions were good too, though the story didn't really require a great deal, the ones you included were well written, I could picture the tiny loo perfectly.
Overall the flow was good and it was well written in terms of spelling/grammar. I particularly liked the last of Cornelius' thoughts about him and Voldemort not being immortal :) Good luck in the challenge!

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the review, and sorry it took this long to reply! I know it's a little bit confusing at times, but it's kind of hard to explain everything in the short little one-shot. I will go back and try to explain those two points a little further, though!

I'm glad you liked the way I portrayed the characters. I kind of exaggerated both of their personalities a little to get the desired effect, and I'm glad it worked!

Thanks so much for reviewing this, and I'm glad you liked it!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


 Report Review

Review #6, by CassiePotter The Deal

22nd April 2013:
Hello!
Wow, I really enjoyed this one-shot! Scrimgeour was really creepy, but I loved what you did with his character! The details were really nice in this story, and I could picture the ship's loo where they were meeting. I just really enjoyed this overall, and this you did a great job with it! 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Yay, someone actually likes this! I was a bit concerned about it, because it's totally opposite of anything I normally write. Scrimgeour was supposed to be a really unsettling character, so I'm glad I did him justice. Thanks so much for the review, and I'm glad you liked it!
-ShadowRose


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login