Reading Reviews for Trevor's Lost Again
  
9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by adluvshp Chapter 1

12th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review.

Hi there! This was a cute little one-shot. I enjoyed your characterisation of a young, nervous Neville.
The scenarios he though of, for why Dumbledore called him, made me chuckle.
Poor thing, he worries too much, but I'm glad things turned out fine in the end xD
I liked how you wrote Dumbledore too. His manner of speaking was nicely done.
For CC, I'd say that I'd have liked to see some more of description in the story rather than straight off thoughts and dialogues. The narrative would have been a lot more fun to read with some visualisation, by adding details about the surroundings, and about the events happening.
Besides that, this made for a nice read and I enjoyed it. The concept was cute and over all presentation was good.

Cheers
-AD

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review! :)

This was actually my very first challenge piece so it was a change for me! I remember writing this in probably oh, maybe forty-five minutes before the deadline was due so I agree it lacks the description I normally have.

I'm glad you enjoyed my first-year Neville! He's not my usual character to write so it makes me happy you think I characterized him well! Thanks again! :)
~MadiMalfoy x


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Review #2, by ginerva_molly_weasley Chapter 1

16th July 2013:
This is a really sweet one shot. I did ponder at first whether you were going to continue as it says chapter one but I then realised it was a one-shot.

Neville is such a sweet character who doesn't seem to have anything go his way in the story and I think you have illustrated his inability to function normally well here as he has lost his toad but also over worries about everything especially going to Dumbledore's office althouhg you can sort of sympathise with him as going to the headmaster can be scary especially as you had detention the week before!

I think its wonderful though how you end the story and how you also mention that he considers Harry, Ron and Hermione as his friends even after they were cruel to him after he got them into trouble. Its super sweet.

I think you've done so well within this!

Author's Response: I never really did notice that awkward chapter title...it does make sense to change it so as not to confuse others. :)

I wrote this for a challenge (overthink it challenge) so I really wanted to delve into Neville's psyche and how he behaves under a lot of stress his first year. He's such a worrier, so I extended that a little bit in this piece!

I'm glad you liked the ending--I wanted it to be a twist and a happy one for him, so that's why I wrote it how I did! Thank you for the super kind review!! :)
~MadiMalfoy xx


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Review #3, by HeyMrsPotter Chapter 1

7th July 2013:
Hello! Here for our little swap :)

I always admire people who can write in first person, it's something I've tried millions of times and really struggle with it. I think you did really well writing from Neville's perspective and really managed to convey his young age and naivety in this.

The addition of Hermione was lovely, I thought she was really in character reminding Neville of his homework, you definitely got her 'bossy voice' perfectly.

The ending was so lovely but made me really sad! I wish that had really happened for Neville, he deserves it.

All in all a very sweet one-shot! Thanks for the swap :)

Author's Response: I think it's fun to do swaps too :)

I've had lots of practice writing in first person with my Dramione novel because I do POV switches so I really have to work to keep in mind whose perspective I'm writing from.

This was written for a challenge and I just had lots of fun with it, getting into a character I've never tried to before and at such a young age too was just great! I know, I didn't realize how much the ending made me want to cry until after I had written it and gone back over it.

Thanks for swapping, let's do it again some time! xx
~MadiMalfoy


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Review #4, by Elphaba and Boyfriends Chapter 1

4th June 2013:
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review! Sorry, I am a bit tardy with it.

First of all, I knew almost immediately that this was Hermione talking, before reading her name: "Hey, Neville, don't forget to do your Herbology essay tonight, it's due tomorrow..." So, I think you've done a great job with her characterization. :)

I really like Neville's stream of consciousness. He certainly is a neurotic, so I think you got this right, as well. I thought this section flowed especially well: "Is Professor Dumbledore going to expel me for this..." The part where he worries that Dumbledore will tell him his parents are dead made me chuckle a bit, because his worrying about them like this is so sad that it is funny.

You do a good job with Dumbledore in his scene at the end. I think that he would be very perceptive of Neville's fears, and respond with kindness and support in return, as you show.

The only element that I question with the characterization is this last line of dialog of Neville's: "Thanks, I think." I think that, even if he weren't sure what Dumbledore meant, he wouldn't voice this doubt out loud. Instead, he might say, "Thanks." And then silently say, "I think," to himself, only.

You mentioned tenses i your request, and this is the only one that jumped out at me: "'O-okay,' I stutter, wondering what I had done." It's tricky, but I think in this instance, "had done" would work better as "have done."

Grammar and punctuation look pretty good, too. This is a sweet little story, thanks for sharing it! :)

Author's Response: Thank you Elphaba! Don't worry about the tardiness, I'm about to do so with mine as well... :3 I loved writing Hermione's little bit, I'm glad it sounded just like her! And it was so much fun to get into poor little Neville's head for this. It's so sad that it's funny, I agree. I do think I was going to put the "I think" as a thought but forgot to do it on my last edit...I shall do that now, now that you've reminded me of it, thanks! :)

Yay, Dumbledore was a little harder for me to write because he is such a mysterious figure, even after his death, so writing him as close to canon as possible was difficult. I did go back and edit for tenses but that one must have slipped. Thank you for the wonderful review, I'll be sure to re-request for other stories! :) xx
~MadiMalfoy


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Review #5, by AlexFan Chapter 1

2nd June 2013:
Oh Neville, you poor poor boy. This sounded just like him! I felt so bad for Neville but at the same time I was so amused because his panicking was just so funny.

I could definitely see Neville freaking out over something like this, it sounded exactly like him. I felt so bad for him, I can't believe that he thought he would get expelled simply for losing his toad or standing up to his friends just because they were doing something that he thought wrong.

Poor Neville, I just really wanted to give him a hug. I was so happy for him though when he got the news that his parents had gotten better and that he could see them.

You had great verb tense except for that slip-up at the very beginning where you wrote "had" instead of "have" but other than that, I didn't see anything else.

I think the story flowed very well, I thought the ending was a little bit rushed however and I definitely think that you could've gone into detail. Some of the sentences seemed a little bit awkward to me and I would suggest maybe reading through the one-shot again.

I think you did really well for the Overthink It Challenge and I hope that you win!

Author's Response: Thank you for the kind review! I loved getting inside Neville's head and his thought process. I will probably go back and edit the ending here soon, as I agree it is a bit rushed and a little awkward. Thanks for reviewing, check out my other stories as well! :) xx
~MadiMalfoy


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Review #6, by BellaFan202 Chapter 1

27th May 2013:
Hi!

That was pretty cute. Gotta love Neville, yes?

I think you did a pretty good job with characterization, although maybe you made Neville stutter a bit too much. He was a nervous kid, but he didn't really stutter that much, I don't think.

The flow is pretty good. It's a very short chapter, so it can't really linger on anything for very long, but it definitely showed that he was worried about why Dumbledore wanted to see him and worried about Trevor and worried about his gran and parents. I think you did a really good job of that.

There isn't really a whole lot else to comment on, as it's a really short chapter, but I definitely did like it! :)

Be sure to request more!

~BellaFan202~

Author's Response: Yeah he's the best :) I just edited it and realized I did make him stutter quite a bit too much so I changed that. I wrote this for a challenge, so it may not be my best writing. Thanks for the review, I sure will! :) xx
~MadiMalfoy


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Review #7, by -BookDinosaur- Chapter 1

25th May 2013:
-BookDinosaur- here with your requested review!

I really liked this one-shot, I feel you managed to characterise Neville really well, I really felt for him- really I just wanted to go over to him and tell him everything was fine.

The CC I would give you is at the beginning, the first couple of sentences are third person, the you switch to first person. I don't know if it was meant to be that way, but it threw me a little bit.
Also, the first couple of paragraphs are in present tense, then you switch to past tense. You might want to go back and fix those.

Other than that, a great one-shot I enjoyed reading!

Author's Response: It was really hard for me to figure out my tenses on this one for some reason, so I'm going to go back and fix them as best I can, along with any POV errors I may have made as well. I wrote this in one sitting and just made sure I had posted it before the challenge deadline! Thanks for the review :) xx
~MadiMalfoy


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Review #8, by patronus_charm Chapter 1

29th April 2013:
Hey Madi! I saw that your one-shot needed some love, so I decided to stop by and give it some :D

Aw poor Neville, I really felt for him throughout this story. You could really sense the panic he must have been feeling, and you just wanted to go and hug him to make him feel better all over again.

I really liked your characterisation and I felt that they all matched the canon characters really well, which was great as I often find that's not the case. I think the best one was Dumbledore as he just seemed so Dumbledore.

The only CC I would give is to watch your tenses. Here for example 'Is it because I lost Trevor again? Oh dear me, it probably is! I canít help it if my memory isnít very good! Gran even got me that Remembrall to help, but I donít know where it is anymore. Stumbling up the stairs to the dormitory, I put my books away, nearly tripping over stray clothes on the way out.' You switched from past to present quite a lot throughout that paragraph and several others, so you may want to go back and make it uniform :)

Other than that I really enjoyed this one-shot as it was so lovely to see young Neville again, and his characterisation was great!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Aw thank you for the great review! :D I didn't really pay very much attention to my tenses as I just kind of wrote this and posted it to make sure it was up before the deadline of the challenge! I will be sure to go back and edit it at a later date, along with my other one-shot Slytherin Match, which features Pansy and Blaise. It makes me feel great as an author that you think I characterized them all correctly, as I'm constantly worrying that I didn't say something right or they did something awkward. Thanks again for the great review! :) xx
~MadiMalfoy


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Review #9, by rogue_bludger Chapter 1

23rd April 2013:
LOVE this! You managed to get inside Neville's head so amazingly well! I love this story, all the way to the very end when you can almost see him breathing a sight of relief. The only thing is- Neville's parents don't recover, and remembering that at the end makes me so sad! anywho, I'll stop rambling, but I just wanted to say, I love this story :)
~M

Author's Response: Oh thank you! It was actually kind of hard for me to really get inside Neville's head because I barely had time to write this but I did my best so I'm glad you think I captured his essence well! I know that his parents never recovered, but I just wanted to have something happy happen to him for once, and to fit the rules of the challenge. :) Thanks for the review, again! :) xx
~MadiMalfoy


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