Reading Reviews for Werewolf's Trace
  
27 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Person Wolves Were Inferior

1st September 2014:
Please continue this story.

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Review #2, by BBWotter Wolves Were Inferior

17th June 2013:
Love love love looove. I adore this story, Thank you so much for the update, and keep on writing, I find Dom's character really different from a lot of other stories, including how I'm planning on writing er into my one (maybe you could check it out?) anyway, I seriously admire your writing, and can't wait for the next update xoxo

Author's Response: aww thank you so much for your comment! and for favoriting me as an author btw! i'll be sure to check out your story as soon as the craziness that is my life calms down :)
thanks again for reading and reviewing- i'm so glad you're enjoying this story!
~M


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Review #3, by patronus_charm Wolves Were Inferior

17th June 2013:
Hey Mara, I was really glad to see that you had updated this!

I thought that your description had really improved so much in this chapter. It was really complex and in depth allowing me to envisage the scene perfectly. I adored this line ‘orange and pink mottled sunrise emerging from the dark folds of the night sky’ it was really beautiful and the use of mottled have a raggedy sort of feel to the setting.

I liked seeing Dom after her transformation as it showed a more vulnerable side to her. We’ve only really seen her as the tough Slytherin so far, so it was nice to see her in this weaker form as it made her more relatable. It was nice to see how much Greyback had affected her. Obviously not nice for Dom, but you dwelled on it enough to allow the reader to absorb the full impact of what happened to her.

Your humour in the story is really developing well. The commentary put a smile on my face and reminded me of when Lee Jordan did it. I liked the idea of a Ravenclaw being a bit of a player as that role’s usually left for Hufflepuffs for some reason, so it was a nice change! I liked seeing the quidditch match through commentary as it was different and a lot more interesting!

Ok here I’m going to focus on commas in sentences as opposed to with dialogue. They’re used to break up separate clauses which could stand alone but are chosen to be formed in one sentence. I noticed several comma splices when you join two parts of a sentence which can’t be joined due to them not being able to stand alone.

Here for example ‘when he was done placing gauze over it, and surveyed the rest of his handiwork.’ ‘surveyed the rest of his handiwork’ wouldn’t be a sentence as it doesn’t make sense so the comma before it isn’t needed. You did it here too ‘she wrapped herself in an oversized towel that Liam had left for her, and dried herself off.’ The only way I can think of remembering is whether it would make sense if it was a full stop or a comma. If so, you can probably use a comma, if not don’t put one in :)

Overall I thought it was a really good chapter, you just need to work on a few technical things! Thanks for the shout-out by the way, and I’m so glad that my feedback helps you!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hey Kiana- thanks so much for the lovely review! I'm glad you're liking how this story is playing out!
Dom's got a lot coming her way so brace yourself for plenty of vulnerable!
Also, the Prewett's are two characters you will be seeing a lot of in later chapters (along with Liam). I really liked the idea of two people related to the Weasleys being involved with commentating because other than Luna, it's hard to find a perfect commentator!
Also, thanks so much for the feedback about the commas- i know that's something I really need to work on, and your feedback is always super helpful. :)
i cant wait to read your next chapter soon!
~M


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Review #4, by PitchBlue Thrown to the Wolves

2nd June 2013:
Hello,

I liked your take on Albus and how you described his thoughts. I haven't read much next gen, but I feel like you're giving his character a lot of thought.

I'm glad at how you made the Sorting Hat reproach Gryffindor for once, I always thought that Gryffindors could behave very prejudiced in the books, like with "all Slytherins are bad" and all that jazz. So I really like it that you show the other side of it - namely that Gryffindor isn't always as open as it's supposed to be.

I'm very curious as to where you are going with the Sorting Hat on strike. I can imagine that after a thousand years, you decide that enough is enough and you go on strike. Go, Sorting Hat! (although I do hope for later students that it will get solved) :p

Anyway, I really liked this chapter, especially the change of POV as it was well done.

- PB

Author's Response: hey- thanks so much for your review! i'm glad you like albus--he's been a lot of fun to write :)
And the sorting hat is one of my favorite characters, so i'm glad you like the way he/it is written! The sorting hat won't change its mind btw- students (including prejudiced gryffindors) will have to change things at Hogwarts if they want the sorting hat to sort again.
thanks again for the lovely review!
~M


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Review #5, by PitchBlue Lone Wolf

30th May 2013:
Hello,

I really enjoyed reading this chapter. Your take on Dom Weasley is very interesting, you seem to have put a lot of thought into her character.

I'm curious as to where you are going with the plot and the hints in the summary. I think it's a good thing you didn't explain too much in this first chapter as it keeps the reader guessing and wondering what will happen next.

One small comment: you did really well with punctuation and everything, but sometimes you forgot to start a new paragraph when someone new is speaking, like with:

"I wanted to hold her," Seb whined.

But as you've done really well on the whole chapter I think you just didn't notice :) I've got that all the time when I write.

So lovely chapter!

- PB

Author's Response: thank you so much for your review! I'm glad you're enjoying this story so far. I'll go back and edit the paragraph you mentioned- you're right, i tend to forget when writing, specially when I'm on a roll.
I'm so glad you like this chapter though, and i hope you keep reading, as I do appreciate your feedback!
Thanks again,
~M


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Review #6, by patronus_charm Prey to the Wolf

29th May 2013:
Hey Mara!

I really liked how her friends held an intervention of sorts to sort out whether Dom could play tomorrow or not – it was great. Her friends seem to be really nice people and the type you would want to get to know. I think it’s great that you’ve show the Slytherins in a positive light as that so rarely happens in fan fiction but it’s lovely to see here.

I really loved this line ‘Resurrecting Slytherin’s basilisk and seeing if it fancies playing reserve long enough to petrify the snitch, and perhaps the Hufflepuffs. Feeding Ben Smith to a dragon…”‘ even though this isn’t a humour story I love how you make it crop up in little places as that’s really great and makes it a lighter read in some parts.

So Dom was there that was a big twist. I liked how you showed that she was a weak person at times with her crying as that was really good. I liked the little internal monologue too and it was fun to read as I got more of an insight into her character. I really liked the use of foreshadowing when she went outside and she could smell death as that is something I would associate with Greyback.

What a cliff-hanger to end it on though! I really wonder how Greyback managed to get into the castle and his aims for doing so. He really was sinister there and he scared me quite a bit when he began speaking. I can’t wait to see what happens next.

Here a couple of places where you need breaks instead of periods :)

- “Dom.” Max cut in,‘
- ‘“We do have a game tomorrow.”’ Sylvester said softly.
- ‘She didn’t look so good today.”’ He asked
-‘ Fenrir Greyback is on the loose.” Scarlett replied, softly.‘
- “That’s.” Thaddeus Nott finally spoke up. (I had to cut the second word to make it 12+)
- ‘“Come out, come out wherever you are.” A hoarse, taunting voice’

Overall this was one of the best chapters grammatically and story wise so far and I can’t wait to read on :D Ooh by the way, if you wanted to read chapter five of Against All Odds is up!

-Kiana

Author's Response: hey kiana- thanks so much for your amazing (as always!) review :) i'll go back and fix the grammatical stuff that you pointed out. also, i'm glad you like the slytherins- i think they have to stick together seeing as everyone else hates them, and so they end up getting really close because of that. the part about resurrecting slytherin's basilisk was the most fun to write, so i'm really glad to know that worked. the next chapter is in the making and should be finished by tonight or tomorrow at the latest, so expect to see it soon! i'm really glad you like this chapter, as this was one of the most fun but frustrating to write.
and yes i'm going to check out your chapter as soon as i'm done with my grad school paper!
~M


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Review #7, by patronus_charm When the Wolves are Silent

26th May 2013:
Hi!

So Dom’s an animagus then. That’s really cool and I really love her form is a wolf. The idea of the trace has got me really excited and I can’t wait to see how you develop it further. This may be due to me having a bad memory but I can’t seem to recall who Artemis is. Is she a friend of Dom’s or a fellow wolf? I’m sorry if you haven’t mentioned it a previous chapter, but if you haven’t it might be best to clarify here :)

This sentence confused me a little – ‘Half hour, and a good few complaints from Scarlett--who was waiting outside the bathroom door impatiently--later, Dom was done, and ready to face the day.’ It might sound better if it was something like this ‘With some complaints from Scarlett who had been waiting outside the bathroom door, Dom was done and ready to face the day even if it had taken half an hour.’ You can have anything really, I think the bit about Scarlet made it a little clunky so if you tried moving it around for some variation it might sound better.

One little thing that also confused me was this line ‘He never understood how she managed to hold it together so well after a full moon.’ If she was an animagus and elected to transform why would the full moons affect her as she’s not a werewolf?

I really liked Dom’s interaction with Scarlet and Sylvester it was really fun and relaxed. I could tell that they all got on really well and each person balanced out the friendship really well. The first mention of Greyback was also great. I liked how you made it a newspaper headline as it made it subtle and they didn’t dwell on it too much and it will be interesting to see how they change their views.

Haha the last scene was great ♥ I loved Dom’s insult at the professor it was great and I’m definitely going to keep it in mind for the future. Another thing I liked is that you’re continuing to keep the same rebel characteristics as people have a tendency to sometimes change these throughout the story but it was nice to see some concordance.

Overall that was a really enjoyable chapter and I can’t wait to see how Greyback continues to affect them!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the suggestion about that line- I'll go back and change it!
Artemis is the wolf pup she brought back to school. Dom is affected by the full moon like Bill is, even though she doesn't turn in to a werewolf. Being a wolf during that transformation makes it easier/less painful for her though.
i'm so glad you like dom and her friends :)
Thanks so much for reading and for your feedback!
~M


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Review #8, by Calypso  Thrown to the Wolves

21st May 2013:
Here from the Ravenclaw Review Battle!

I always enjoy the Sorting scenes in the books, but you don't often come across them in fanfiction, so it was nice to read one here! You brought across poor Albus' anxiety perfectly- I really felt for him all the way through this, especially with a brother like James!

It was interesting to hear how her Sorting had affected Dominique- it's quite an equivocal issue in the books, about whether Sorting is a good or bad thing, and Dominique seems an example of how it can affect people. It makes me a little sad to think that her family can't accept her being in Slytherin after they all fought for equality against Voldemort...

The shy conversations between the new first years were really sweet- they seemed very realistic. I laughed at Albus' annoyance that they had to read out his whole name!
And that's quite a declaration from the Sorting Hat! Is it going to be part of the plot?

I do like that you haven't just put all the next gen kids into Gryffindor- it feels much more likely this way, and the Houses you've chosen for them are original and yet believable- I can actually see Albus as a Ravenclaw, although of course we haven't seen much of him yet...

A great, and rather dramatic chapter! I did enjoy it, although I was kind of hoping to hear more from Dominique... but either way well done!

-Bethany

Author's Response: thanks so much for your super awesome review! I'm glad you like the sorting scene- I think the sorting is part of a huge rite of passage for hogwarts students and its interesting to see how a label like 'slytherin' can affect kids. yes the sorting hat's retirement is a part of the plot, but it doesn't come up until a lot later :)
I'm glad you like where people are sorted--I just have a hard time believing they would all be gryffindor's.
never fear, you will be seeing loads of dominique and albus in the future!
once again, thanks so much for this review- it totally made my day :)
~M


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Review #9, by AlexFan Lone Wolf

18th May 2013:
I'm here for the review battle!

Anyway, this is off to an interesting start! I love the amount of description that there's in the chapter and the flow of it is really well. The dialogue is also pretty great and doesn't seem choppy or forced at all.

I think my favourite person is Flint. I know, it's only chapter 1 and we barely know him but just the fact that he sent James in with that note made him my favourite person (unless he starts to act like a douche as the story goes on of course).

Anyway, you're off to a good start!

Author's Response: thanks so much for your awesome review, I'm so glad you like where this is going. Flint is awesome and you'll be seeing more of him in later chapters as well :) let me know what you thiink of him if you decide to keep reading?
~M


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Review #10, by academica Thrown to the Wolves

16th May 2013:
Hi, here from Team Blue for the Review Battle!

This chapter sort of made me sad. I felt bad for Albus being so stressed out about the Sorting, and it seemed like he wouldn't quite be happy with any choice, even a place in Gryffindor with his family. I do like that you split everyone up, though, because it seems better than just sticking them all in Gryffindor (how the Weasleys got away with it for years is beyond me).

The thing with the hat and James was a little strange. I'm guessing James didn't mean to speak so loudly, and I think the hat saying that it wouldn't sort people anymore unless the students learned to get along was part of what made this chapter sad for me. Anyway, though strange to behold, it was certainly a powerful moment.

Nice work on your second chapter.

-Amanda

Author's Response: thanks so much for your review! As for the scattered Weasleys, I don't like the idea of everyone in Gryffindor having the same last name.
I think Albus overthinks things far too much, which makes him a solid Ravenclaw, in my opinion. He'll be just fine in Ravenclaw though :)
James definitely meant to be loud, and managed to offend the hat in the process.
I'm glad that you liked this chapter, even though it made you sad. thanks again for reviewing!
~M


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Review #11, by patronus_charm Wolf Behowling

13th May 2013:
I think it was a good idea to choose to make chapter eight a more school work focused one. Besides quidditch, school work is the thing which reminds me that they are still at Hogwarts so now we’ve had those two chapters we can go back to school work.

I liked Andromeda’s evident caring nature in this chapter; it was really lovely to read. Aurora seemed to be a really lovely girl too, and I can’t wait to read more about her and Dom’s friendship. The plot is thickening with the revelation about James though, and I hope we get a scene where Dom and James meet one another as I’m sure it would be powerful.

I have two things about the last paragraph. It was the longest paragraph, I think, to date and it meant that I began to lose my concentration as reading such a large block of text can make that happen so perhaps cutting it down to two or three smaller ones would be a good idea. Also, there were a lot of dashes which just lit up and proved a little distracting, so if you found another form of punctuation instead such a semicolon, period or comma.

Ok this mystery is definitely turning into a great one! With the secrets between Aurora and James about what they could do and Albus’ confusion about what it’s about is seriously bugging me. And there’s no more posted chapters after this one, so I can’t find out this big thing they’re all stressing about it. You really displayed their emotions and atmosphere well here.

I noticed in a couple of places like here ‘“sorry about that.”’ And here ‘“say, Xander, you don’t know anything about how Dom’s doing tonight, do you?”’ that you forgot to capitalise the start of the sentence.

I did find a little odd that Albus was crying, but then I figured his eleven boys still cry at that age and it will be interesting to see how he continues to be a sensitive boy. I hope these reviews have helped you in some way and I can’t wait for the next chapter!

Author's Response: I'm glad you like the school work part- I love the intricacies of Hogwarts classes :)
I'll edit the paragraph--thanks for pointing that out (both the length and the dashes).
There's another chapter in queue that reveals what is going on, so as soon as that's posted, you'll find out what has everyone all antsy.
I'll go back and fix the capitalization, thank you for pointing that out.
And Albus is only 11, and I figure Lysander probably hurt his feelings when he was harsh and that was just Al's breaking point.
Thank you SO much for your constructive feedback- I'm going to have a massive editing fest later tonight when I'm done at work. Your reviews are so helpful yet so awesomely nice they just make my day :)
next chapter should be up tomorrow, btw!
~M


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Review #12, by patronus_charm The Wolf That One Hears

13th May 2013:
When writing prose it’s often best to keep dates or times in their letter form like here ‘It was 4:30 AM’, it would better to sat it was four thirty in the morning, it just looks better and keeps the writing more sophisticated.

Ok I was seriously worried then. I thought they were going to jinx or attack poor old Scorpius then, and I was getting really worried for him, as he is lovely. Thank goodness it was only some ritual, and we got to meet more of the Weasley family which is always fun. And it was for the quidditch team which makes it even better. I think it was cool that Scorpius made it on that way through sheer skill compared to how his father made it onto the team.

I really loved the Molly extract. It was funny to know more about Percy, and I loved how he met Audrey. I’ve always loved that pairing as it’s a funny thought thinking Percy could be in love and where they met matches that perfectly. It’s always fun to get a bit more background info, and you weaved it in such a way it wasn’t too much at once and we managed to remember it.

There was a few run on sentences. Like here ‘Molly hopped off her broom and towards the locker room, where she quickly showered, packed up her gear, and then pulled a slightly beaten apple and a muffin out of her bag, so that she could sit by the lake and eat breakfast undisturbed before having to face a chaotic day of NEWT level classes.. You could put a period after room, and then get rid of the where. It’s just one idea, as there are lots of ways in which you could split it up.

I liked the quidditch talk in this chapter, you made it fun to read which is something I don’t say all that often. The move suited Dom a lot as she seemed to be a bit of daredevil ever since we first met her with her skateboard. One thing I would perhaps suggest for her characterisation is include more thoughts about her werewolf, so we don’t forget and it will be a good build-up to the future plot line!

Author's Response: I'll go back and change that bit about the time- thanks for pointing that out!
I love scorpius- I'd like to think he was raised better than his dad was, and I can see James setting aside his hatred for Scorpius for the good of the team.
Molly is one of my favorite characters- I love the idea of Percy having a Luna-esque daughter to drive him up the wall. And I figured he had to find a way to meet Audrey- why not through quidditch (plus I can totally see Ginny playing match maker).
I'll be sure to fix the run-on sentences- thanks so much for pointing it out!
That's a good point about the characterization-I'll go back to the story and edit for that. Thanks so much for pointing that out.
And thank you for this great review!
~M


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Review #13, by patronus_charm Wolf's Howl

13th May 2013:
As much as I would love to review every chapter, I’m going to have combine some as I have a ton of exams and time won’t let me otherwise, so my plan of reviewing section by section may not work as well here.

I really liked how you made Slytherin a nice house, and I almost wanted to be a part of it. I liked the idea of the First Friday and how they had to be nice to one another, because Slytherin almost seemed like a cult at times to me, so this fits perfectly with my mental image of it.

The idea of Dom being the protector of muggleborns suited her really well and it made me laugh. I wonder what part Ivy will have to play in the future chapters, as she’s a really relatable character and I’ve grown to like her in this chapter.

Admittedly, I did find a little odd that Andromeda was the head of Slytherin as she wasn’t a teacher beforehand and I assumed that you would have to work your way up first. So if you provided more backstory for that later on it would be great, as I think it’s cool that she’s find a way to rebuild her life after Ted and Tonks died.

Hahaha James is back to his grumpy old self, he resembles a lot about his namesake, especially with the hint about Kate not wanting to date him. Is Scorpius the Snape in this situation? I liked the diving scene too, and it was fun to read. I really like the first years’ connection with one another they making a tight knit group. I wonder who James’ friends are, because I imagined that he would be fairly popular and have several.

This line confused me a little too, ‘The professor raised an eyebrow at the son of his former colleague. “Do elaborate.”‘ we weren’t told, or I don’t remember being told that Ginny and Harry worked there, so perhaps include more backstory to that too. It only needs to be a brief line or two, nothing more.

Author's Response: I have a hard time believing that Slytherins are evil, and I do feel they are discriminated against (often unfairly). So I'm assuming Slytherin has to have a close-knit group within because they always seem to be so united. Plus the whole pride thing would mean they wouldn't want to air dirty laundry in public, I'm guessing.
Dom's a bit of an oddball in Slytherin, being a Weasley and all, so I figured it made sense that she would look out for Ivy. Ivy is one of my favorite characters too, and I'm really excited about writing her :)
My take on Andromeda is that she probably became a teacher around the same time as Neville, and worked her way up to head of house (plus, nobody else wanted it). I will include more of a back story to her in future chapters, don't worry!
James is obnoxious but i love him. Scorpius isn't the Snape in this situation because he's younger, in the same house, and Kate's more his protector than anything, from James. So different relationships compared to Lily/James/Snape.
Williamson was an auror from them books--I figured he probably worked with Harry at some point. I should probably clarify that though. Thanks for pointing that out!
thank you so much for your amazing review- reading your reviews has made my day!
~M


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Review #14, by patronus_charm Wolves, Ferrets, Lions and Badgers

13th May 2013:
I’m going to comment on this chapter and future ones section by section so hopefully it will be easier to understand what I mean :D

I really, really liked the quote at the beginning; it was really interesting as it is partly true. It was cut in half by the chapter image though, so you may want to fix that.

I really liked how you gave Scorpius a negative reaction when he went into the common room. I think it was a brave choice to do, and much better than him being loved by everyone and them all idolising him. I also liked that you made James slightly evil as that really paid off too. Another good thing about that scene was that you reminded the reader of each character’s connection to the others. As there were so many introduced, it’s really important to maintain so there’s no future confusion.

I didn’t really get this line – ‘He looked up when he heard footsteps, and saw Kate walking towards James, firmly.’ I don’t think the firmly was needed there, as it made the sentence a bit off.

I liked that scene when Kate attacked James that was fun to read, and it made sense that the alliance they made in the previous chapter would be continued on here. I think it was this line ‘“What the dickens was that for?” He asked in surprise.‘ is what made it. I wouldn’t bring Scorpius too close to the others straight away, as it will be interesting to see how his and Kate’s friendship develops and how he acts to the isolation.

So Rose is a Hufflepuff then? That really suits her and makes a change from the Ravenclaw of Gryffindor she’s usually portrayed to be. That scene with Freddie was really lovely, and that bit about how all the Weasleys could have been Hufflepuffs was true.

One thing to bear in mind for future chapters, is to perhaps make it more Dom centric. I assumed that this story was about her, so it seemed a little odd that she hasn’t featured in many of them yet. Though I have really enjoyed these chapters so far and it’s been great to get to know the other characters and their unique personalities.

-Kiana

Author's Response: thanks so much for your awesome review! i'll go back and fix the picture/quote and the line you mentioned. I'm really glad that you like this so far. It is a Dom-centered story, but I do want the other characters to be a part of it--particularly those whose perspectives are key to the story.
Again, thank you so much for your awesome review!
~M


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Review #15, by academica Lone Wolf

10th May 2013:
Hello, I'm here from Team Blue for the Review Battle!

I really like the contrast effect you created by focusing on Dominique and the Slytherins and then shifting over to Victoire and the Gryffindors. Point-of-view swapping is one of my favorite elements of writing, especially in third person narratives, and I hope you'll continue to do that because it's unique and makes this story more interesting.

I would caution you to be a little careful about Dominique. I like how she rode in on a skateboard; it made sense due to her exposure to Muggle culture and it seemed to set her up as rebellious (and played up that contrast effect I mentioned). However, when you got to the part about the wolf, I felt unsatisfied with the notion that no one had to ask about why she was allowed to bring a wolf to Hogwarts. It seemed a little symptomatic of Sueism, with her being allowed to do what she wanted; if having the wolf at Hogwarts is an integral part of the story, as I suspect, I would recommend actually detailing why it's allowed.

This is a good start :) The writing is nice and I didn't notice any glaring typos, which is refreshing. I also liked the overall flow of this chapter a lot.

-Amanda

Author's Response: hey, thanks so much for your review! I'm glad you like the perspective-switching thing, as I do continue that throughout the story. As for Dominique- I explain about the wolf later in the story, though i really do appreciate the heads up about sueism (though in all fairness, Ron had a rat, when told he could only bring a cat, toad, or owl, and nobody questioned him).I will go back and edit that part a bit though :)
Thanks again for your awesome review!
~M


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Review #16, by iLuna17 Wolves for Conformity

3rd May 2013:
Hello, again!

I really like Molly as a character. :) She's the perfect mix of 'daisy chain' and fighter, which definitely makes for an interesting combination. I love how we can see her struggling against what Percy wants and what she wants already, and how he is probably the main reason that her feet are planted firmly on the ground when she doesn't want them to be. One small note: I love all the character descriptions, but it might be useful to show more, instead of tell.

I also like Scorpius. He's adjusting well, and his lion is starting to roar (well, at this point it's more of rawr') inside. As always, I'm curious to see more of Dom and Al (though I did like him defending Scorpius in the last chapter). Keep it up, while I go to my next lesson >.

Author's Response: thanks so much for the review and feedback- as always, they make my day! Molly is one of my characters that I relate to most, and so I'm thrilled that you like her. I'll definitely try to do more showing than telling. And as for Scorpius, his lion is getting there. Plenty of Dom and Al coming up! :) Thanks so much for reviewing!!!
~M


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Review #17, by PhoenixGirl Wolf's Howl

3rd May 2013:
Yayayayayayay loved the fact that you updated with two beautiful chappies :D Loved every bit of it!!! Update fast! :D

Author's Response: aw thanks so much for your sweet review! another chapter just updated a little while ago, and I've got another in queue :)
~M


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Review #18, by iLuna17 Wolf Pack

24th April 2013:
Eep. I'm loving this. :)

I don't know where to start, so I'll start where I know best: Slytherin. I love, love, love the dynamic you've set up here for the house. The family bit was especially powerful, but I love it's different from what Sheriff (and me) have written. You paint a slightly more ruthless Slytherin, which I liked. The hazing especially, teaching them to be tough in a different way.

Okay, now I get to comment on Dom. I think you've really started to flesh her out - I love that you mentioned and showed more of her vulnerable side in this one, especially when dealing with a first year, and also her own weaknesses. It'll be interesting to see how much more she can last.

And now I'm cut off short again as I rush off to another lesson. >.<

Ellie

Author's Response: thank you so much for your review! and I'm so incredibly glad that you like this story :) Though I love your Slytherin, I feel as though Slytherin wouldn't take any nonsense from anyone lying down (particularly Dom, who has a bit of veela and a bit of werewolf in her).
I can't stand Mary-Sue-esque fan-fics and so I'm really trying to show Dom as a more 3-dimensional character, and I'm glad it appears to be working.
Again, thank you so much for your review!
~M


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Review #19, by MadiMalfoy Wolves, Ferrets, Lions and Badgers

24th April 2013:
Hey again! This is definitely something different than most next-gen stories, and a different POV than usual. I'm curious to see if you'll have Rose and Scorpius end up together like most people write. I like that you focus on the less well-known characters more--it's a breath of fresh air! Great job with this story so far, it's really good! :) xx

Author's Response: thanks so much for your review! no, i'm not a huge fan of scorpius/rose. it's incredibly overused and i have other things in store for both of them :) but i'm really glad you like this story!
again, thank you for your review!
~M


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Review #20, by avona_is_awesome Wolves, Ferrets, Lions and Badgers

21st April 2013:
omg this is awesome great job rogue_bludger!
i rate everything that deserves a ten 9 cos nothing is perfect, but keep going! im eager for more!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your super sweet review! I have another chapter in queue that's much longer that I'm really excited for, so your feedback on that would be very appreciated :)
~M


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Review #21, by iLuna17 Wolves, Ferrets, Lions and Badgers

21st April 2013:
I'm liking where you're going with this. :)

I don't have much time - I'm rushing to type this before I have to leave - but I really do wonder where this is going. You have so many characters, and I'll admit I'm mainly worried about Dom and Albus. I want to know what happens to them, and just how much the Gryffindors can get underneath McGonagell's nose. Looking forward to more (perhaps longer?) chapters.

Ellie

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review! I'm building it up slowly (too slowly perhaps?) and I know I probably should have merged the last two chapters into one but it felt weird lumping them together. I have a long chapter in queue now that is filled to the brim with dommyness.
Thank you for reading and reviewing!
~M


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Review #22, by Calypso  Lone Wolf

21st April 2013:
Hey there! I'm here from the Ravenclaw review battle!

I absolutely loved the way this started, with the description of Dom flashing past on the skateboard- it was great, and really caught my attention as a reader! You've gone for quite an original characterisation of Dom in this which I applaud- a Slytherin Weasley is always going to be interesting, and I can see a cause of some friction if Bill, and Fleur, and Victoire reacted badly to her Sorting! It's also great to see a Slytherin who isn't automatically evil, as I think they're a- somtimes unjustly- maligned house. Incidentally, I loved Harry's response- it seems like the sort of kind, open-minded thing he would do! :)

Your description of the platform was really good; you managed to convey the hustle and bustle of it all in just a few words. I do think that this chapter would have benefited from being a little longer- there were several things which piqued my interest which I would have liked to have seen explored a little more- her friendship with Sylvester and Sebastian, or where her parents are in this. I also have a tiny nitpick about her wolf pup... would she be allowed that at Hogwarts?

All in all, an engaging beginning! I really love Dom, and how original she seems, and you are great at conveying scenes and feelings simply and effectively! Well done :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your kind review and constructive feedback! I'll go back and edit the chapter to add more about her parents and friends. As for the wolf pup, I explain that in more detail in a later chapter (has to do with bill and greyback and Dom getting the werewolf-y gene that bill has). Her relationship with victoire is explained a bit in chapter 2 but is fairly complicated (as you can imagine- with one being head girl and the other a rebel of sorts).
I'll be sure to go back and make the changes you suggested- thank you again for the feedback!
~M


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Review #23, by patronus_charm Thrown to the Wolves

21st April 2013:
RRT!

I liked the idea of Cedric Wood being the head boy too, it was a nice touch and it was nice to see that Cedric was still being remembered. He seemed to be an interesting character and I hope that means Cho and Oliver will feature in the future.

Again, in this chapter I felt that there was a lot of characters when the prefects came in, and even though there was a list I felt lost. What I would suggest is omit the names of the prefects which aren't vital to the plot and only include the ones which will feature again. That way, we get to know who to focus in on, and we won't get confused.

The characters which you did focus in on are proving to be very funny. I really liked Victoire and James in this chapter, and they seem to have this unique personality about them which one doesn't often find.

I also like the discussion about how Teddy's getting on, as it was interesting, and I always assumed that Harry secretly knew what was happening. I can sense some tension between Dom and Victoire and it will be interesting to see how that develops.

A good chapter:)

-Kiana

Author's Response: thank you so much for your review! I've gotten rid of the list in my edited chapter, and am changing it slightly so you only see a few of the prefects by name (like the Longbottoms, and Sinead).
I'm glad you liked Cedric- I wasn't sure how out-of-cannon that might be, but I figured that Oliver might be what Cho needed, in order to get past the death of Cedric Diggory (though she does name her first born after him as a tribute).
Again thanks so much for your review and the constructive feedback!
~M


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Review #24, by ginnys twin Lone Wolf

20th April 2013:
Here for the Claw battle

This is definitely a new side to the Weasleys. I loved the way you wove in her backstory and info a little at a time, it's so much more interesting than "I'm in Slytherin and my two best friends are so and so and I'm in my fourth year."

The one thing I noticed was that it seems like you skipped a sentance where you were talking about Artemis. It goes straight to her answering without someone asking the question.

I envy your ability to write a convincing Slytherin. My Slytherins are shallow and un-human-like (if that makes any sense). I normally wouldn't believe that Harry would be fine with his neice in Slytherin, but something about how you wrote it made it convincing.

The one thing I would add would be Bill&Fleur's reaction to Dom's sorting. Other than that, there's not much I would change.

-katty01/ginnys twin

Author's Response: thanks so much for your review! I'm so glad you like this story so far!
I fixed the part that you mentioned (about the wolf).
In regards to Harry: I figure if he's fine with his son being in slytherin, he'd accept his niece too. Also, Andromeda and Snape were slytherins that he obviously held in high regard. Dom's relationship with her parents will be explained later in the story, don't worry :)
And as for writing a convincing slytherin, it's actually really fun! I think you just need to get rid of the bias that surrounds the house :)
anywho, thank you so much for your review, and i do hope you keep reading, as I truly appreciate your feedback!
~M


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Review #25, by patronus_charm Lone Wolf

20th April 2013:
Ravenclaw Review Tag!

I really liked your characterisation of Dom, she seemed to be a really fun, friendly and different person to how she's usually depicted to be. I think it was mainly the inclusion of the skateboard which added an edge to her, and made her different.

I also liked the different choices you made compared to what I usually find in next gen, such as telling the story in third person, and showing dislike between the cousins. This is what makes stories stand out and more enjoyable to read.

However, I did find that within the first two paragraphs you threw so many people at me, it's hard to remember who is who, and who is related to who. To ease the confusion I would perhaps include some more diagloue, description or interaction with the said character, so we have something to remember them with.

I did really enjoy the inclusion of the canon things, and I think the mention towards Teddy and Victoire being caught kissing was one of the best parts of the chapter.

Overall I thought it was a good start, and if you just made the characters more memorable it won't make the reader feel as confused!

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review and feedback! I'll try to lose the extra characters in the first chapter to make it less confusing, and include them in later chapters with dialogue. I'm so glad you like it. I do hope you keep reading as I love getting constructive feedback!
~M
Ps I plan to check out your stories as soon as I'm done with my grad school paper!


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