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26 Reviews Found

Review #1, by AlexFan In Hagrid's Hands

29th December 2013:
Hello there, I'm here for the 12 Days of Reviewing!

I never really gave much thought to what Hagrid must've been thinking on the night that he had to take Harry from Sirius and the wreckage that was his home.

It was nice to read about what Hagrid must'be been feeling and seeing at the time. You had great description which really helped set the scene and give me an idea of what everything probably looked like.

I also enjoyed the flashbacks that you inserted into the chapters showing the readers scenes from Hagrid's past that we didn't see in the books. I always enjoy reading things like this that will help me get to know the character better.

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Review #2, by peppersweet In Hagrid's Hands

29th December 2013:
Hello! Like many of your other reviewers today, I'm here for day 3 of the 12 days of reviewing challenge on the forums. We were challenged to review a story starring Hagrid and, well, there aren't many of those, so we've ended up all reviewing the same fics!

I really love the idea of this collection - exploring different characters and eras through the theme of being 'the biggest'. This was a really sweet chapter about Hagrid, contrasting the flashbacks with the current memory of Harry. I liked how it was quite simply written, almost in a fairytale style - befitting for a story about a giant, but also adding to the sense of hope and sweetness at the end. That said, at times it felt a little too simplistic; a couple of paragraphs read a little like 'Hagrid did x. Hagrid did y', you know? There were just a little too many short, blunt sentences for the story to really flow. There's nothing wrong with short sentences, but you have to use them relatively sparingly and they're always more powerful when contrasted with longer passages.

I also spotted a couple of errors-

Not one person had spoken ill of Dumbledore, other than that disgusturous Malfoy - 'disgusturous' isn't a word - maybe you meant 'disgusting' or 'disastrous'? Otherwise a word like 'vile' 'reprehensible' or 'odious' would work here - anything, really.

his eyebrows knotted in to an outraged scowl at some scum being allowed in to his education - there's nothing exactly wrong with the meaning of this sentence, but it could possibly do with being rephrased, especially the closing few words. Something like 'his eyebrows knotted in disgust at the idea of some half-human scum being allowed the same education as him, a pure-blood.' Of course, a lot of us will get Tom's motives because we remember why he hated Hagrid from the books, but the first time I read that line I kind of stumbled on it and I think you could do with making his hatred a little more explicit.

because Harry must have so much sweltering sadness at his new-found orphanage - again, the meaning of this is fine, but it could do with rephrasing. I would substitute it with 'because Harry would be facing such overwhelming sadness in his new-found status as an orphan'. Or something like that...

The dog's joules wobbled in anticipation - joules should be jowls.

The last two sentences are a really lovely end to the story, but I don't think either of them need a comma in the middle.

Overall, though, this was a beautiful one shot, really wonderful - it was so sweet but sad at the same time! Certain lines really stuck out to me - He wanted to just shrink in to his boots, fall until he was big enough to live inside his shoe. got me, as well as But it was nice to imagine what a star felt like - a sliver of shining moonlight, a crumb of Heaven itself.. I also really liked the part where Hagrid brings Fang to his hut and Fang gives him a look like 'is that all you do?'. I could just picture it!

Lovely work, well done! Also, merry Christmas ♥

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Review #3, by MissesWeasley123 In Hagrid's Hands

29th December 2013:
Hiya Sophie! You left me such a nice review on HFCKSM, and I'd been looking for a way to find time to review something of yours, and voila! Anyway, I'm here for the 12 Days of Reviewing!

Wow, I'm really impressed. This is of course the first story I've read by you, and I'm really, really thrilled to see such fabulous writing, honestly. Nobody writes Hagrid anymore, but you did and you did such justice to it. I loved it, absolutely loved it. There were such nice moments in this that were true to his character, and you did such justice to him. I loved it.

The part with Tom was brilliant. In that scene, not only was Hagrid perfect, but so was Tom. It's so hard to write his arrogant and cunning nature but you seem to have quite the knack for him. Brilliant!

Your banner is beautiful also :D

Another thing I loved was how you got into his head so well. There was that desire to be smaller... And I liked how you ised both Flitwick and Dumbledore as an example to prove his point. Very smart, I enjoyed it thoroughly.

One of my favourite lines, were the last two. The impact was amazing, and so beautiful.

Really great writing Sophie!

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Review #4, by BookDinosaur In Hagrid's Hands

29th December 2013:
Hello! I'm here for Day Three of the Twelve Days of Reviewing over at the forums. :)

I really enjoyed reading this chapter, I love how you characterised Hagrid. I agree with you that Hagrid is quite an underrated character, and you really brought out the best qualities of him in this story, how gentle and caring and kind he was. You wrote his dialogue really well too, i think you captured it perfectly and it had the Hagrid feel to it. ;) Basically, you wrote him absolutely perfectly and really, any other Hagrid is going to have a tough time standing up to this kind of competition!

I really liked how you wrote Hagrid's insecurities here, how he felt like he stood out and how he wished that he was smaller and not so big and bulky, it was really realistic and made me want to smush Hagrid. Another thing I loved was how he so obviously cared for the baby Harry. It's just nice to think that before the Dursleys mistreated him for eleven years there was someone who loved and cared for him and looked forward to meeting him when he was older. :) It's a nice thought.

I really liked how obvious it was that he respected Dumbledore as well, and what he was thinking about Lucius Malfoy made me laugh. :P I guess the grudge between him and Lucius has been lifelong. I think you've written him as being a very caring, loving person, and that's really obvious in the way he regards Harry and Aragog and Fang. :) You've done an amazing job writing him.

I adored reading your flashbacks. Everything flowed so well throughout the story, and the flashbacks were a really good way to get some insight on his past life.

I spotted a couple of typos (you spelt angry as abngry once, I think) but it didn't detract from the quality of the story at all and I really loved this story. :D

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Review #5, by marauderfan In Hagrid's Hands

29th December 2013:
Hi! Here for day 3 of the 12 Days of Reviewing over on the forums.

What a lovely story this is! I really like how you portrayed Hagrid. He is such a caring person and that aspect of him really shone in this chapter. I love that Hagrid was the one who brought Harry away from the wizarding world and also the one who reintroduced him to it - I can easily see him looking forward to knowing HArry when he's older, and thinking about that as he takes Harry away to the Dursleys.

The flashbacks were great, and I think in these you've managed to show Hagrid's care for animals from his own viewpoint so it comes across as a lot sweeter, as opposed to Hermione or Harry always teasing him about having dragons and Blast-ended Skrewts and Merlin knows what else. I felt badly for Aragog in this, which says something as my views on spiders are very similar to Ron's. And awww Fang, that was nice to see his first appearance with Hagrid!

Poor Hagrid, wanting to be small and to not stand out. As a really tall person I can understand where he's coming from (well, I'm not a half giant, but I can sort of understand him haha) Aw Hagrid, everyone loves you the way you are!

Wonderful job on this, it was a great read!

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Review #6, by Lululuna In Hagrid's Hands

29th December 2013:
Hello! :) I'm here for Day 3 of the 12 Days of Reviewing - I remembered reading the first chapter of your story collection and noticing that the banner was Hagrid so I'm glad I came back to check if you've added a chapter about him- lucky me! :)

You wrote this beautifully. Gah, it just makes me want to find Hagrid and hug him. I always felt like he was such a wonderful, gentle character as you said in the AN and you really wrote him perfectly here and it makes me wish there were more stories like this which focus on what a lovely man Hagrid is.

Something you wrote really well were Hagrid's insecurities, how he laughs about his appearance and smell to himself a little, and how he wished that he could be smaller. I thought that was so heartbreaking even though he had such a great and self-sacrificing attitude, because Hagrid is so special and perfect the way he is, and if he wasn't big then he wouldn't be the same.

I really liked his clear admiration of Dumbledore and how that fit with canon, as well as his obvious love for Harry and how he was already looking forward to Harry being older. The bond between the two of them was always so cute with how Hagrid was the one who brought Harry back into the wizarding world. I enjoyed reading his musings on Harry, like how being the Boy Who Lived was such a large name for little Harry, and how he thought about the scar. You really wrote him as so thoughtful which I thought was spot on.

There was some really beautiful imagery as well here, like when Hagrid was talking about nearly being able to reach the stars. This line: But it was nice to imagine what a star felt like - a sliver of shining moonlight, a crumb of Heaven itself was just delicate and lovely. Hagrid more than anyone deserves to touch the stars. :)

I thought the flashbacks were great as well, and showed how important creatures were as friends. The memory of Riddle catching him and how that lead to him being ostracized from the Hogwarts community would be very traumatizing I imagine, and so would finding Fang. I loved the little story and how it showed how warm and kind Hagrid is.

I loved reading this- thank you for writing it! :D

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Review #7, by Rumpelstiltskin In Hagrid's Hands

28th December 2013:
Hello!

I am here for the third task of 12 Days of Reviewing!

The contrast between Hagrid's size and baby Harry's size must have been startling! I also enjoyed how you began this, by stating, "the boy who lived was extremely tiny for such an important name." I think this is fantastic because of the impact it has. Harry defeated Voldemort, the first time, as a baby! That's definitely a feat. Also, it reminds me of Bellatrix Lestrange's mocking words in Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix, p. 782 by Rowling (of course): "The little baby woke up fwightened and fort what it dweamed was twoo!" It seemed, no matter how much he grew up from this point, he would always be looked at as a small child.

Moving on, I think that Hagrid's desire to be smaller reveals some very human qualities about him. At least he fit on the motorbike. I also find Hagrid's need to complete this mission for Dumbledore-to deliver baby Harry safely-an extremely endearing quality. Hagrid, by the characteristics defined by Rowling, is truly a caring, loveable character. I think that you've done him justice here.

The flashback to Hagrid being blamed for opening the Chamber of Secrets was heartbreaking! Poor Hagrid! It seems like the best of people always end up in the worst of situations. Well, it does make for a good story at any rate. It also causes connections with the reader as we (the readers) are feeling for the character.

Hagrid's brief thoughts on the dog-star felt like a bit of jabbing irony. It reminded me that, this night, Sirius was wrongly accused of James and Lily's murder and sentence to serve out the remainder of this life in Azkaban! Though it is not mentioned in the story, I feel as if the irony seeps through and I found this very interesting.

Furthermore, what Hagrid does think about (involving the dog-star) was very touching. I think that Fang's introduction was fantastic. Hagrid deserves a companion, and dogs (or krups, I suppose) DO make fantastic companions!

I thought that this was very touching, revealing some of Hagrid's best qualities. Hagrid doesn't often get the spotlight, so I think that it is awesome that you gave him some recognition!

-Rumpel

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Review #8, by missclaire17 In Hagrid's Hands

13th September 2013:
Hello dear! This is Claire with a review for you!

This made me so sad! *in the good way* Obviously we know that Hagrid had his struggles, as most evidently shown in GoF. Even though nearly everyone who knows Hagrid knows him to be so kind and such a brilliant man, but hearing Hagrid's insecurities and the way that he knows he doesn't have it the best, but he makes do and doesn't complain, ever. Being wrongly accused of opening the Chamber of Secrets, being so much bigger than the rest of the population, having no visitors and keeping Fang because he keeps Hagrid company, Hagrid has such the love that he has for Harry and the loyalty he shows to Dumbledore are things that aren't easy. People always complain about how their life is so hard, but there are people like Hagrid who really did have it hard, and yet, they are so marvelous and wonderful.

You wrote this chapter so brilliantly, I loved it!

Author's Response: Hiya there! Another?! You spoil me!!

Hahahah! I'm pleased it's in a good way and not a bad way, because I hate being sad in the bad way!! We do, and Hagrid is quite complex in some ways, in the way that his past and experiences are all quite deep and it's clear he's been through a lot. In other ways, he's pretty simple, because he always does things for other people and for the greater good. You explain it perfectly! People often over look him, not physically as that would be hard, but people like Draco mistake him for just being this silly man. He's awesome, and he had to deal with being expelled from Hogwarts unjustly, for committing a crime that his accuser actually committed! If that's not frustrating and unjust, I don't know what is. You put it beautifully! You're making me sad in a good way now! :) Hagrid lovers together!

Thank you so much for another brilliant, awesome and fambubblybumshus review!! &hearts

Sophie :D


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Review #9, by missclaire17 How to train your cousins

13th September 2013:
Hello! This is Claire here, with another review!

This is such a brilliant idea! I've never really read a short story collection, but this is such an imaginative idea, and I'm glad you decided to write it.

I loved the way that you describe Victoire. Being the oldest in a long string of cousins was probably not easy, and I can see Victoire being roped with babysitting duty many times. There was the perfect amount of caring and bossiness in Victoire. It was good of her to spend an entire afternoon with her cousins and Teddy and being responsible for them. Part of the reason why I always loved Teddy and Victoire together is because they were probably always the ones in charge, but with so many cousins, that would have been difficult.

This was wonderfully written, and we see so little of Victoire sometimes. Wonderful! :)

Author's Response: Thank you Claire! You spoil me!

Thank you very much, I'm so pleased you like it! I must admit, I have a soft spot for short story collections :)

Victorie is awesome! It must suck being responsible for so many little cousins and siblings, and having to come up with fun stuff for them…but I can imagine her having the creativity of Bill and the bossiness of Fleur. I agree, Teddy and Victoire probably helped each other out a lot :D

Awhh thank you so much! This review is so lovely! It made my day!

Sophie :D


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Review #10, by MadiMalfoy In Hagrid's Hands

10th September 2013:
Hi! Here with review #1 for your TMR challenge prizes! :) I've also favorited this (as it is part of your entry) but I like it in general anyway :)

I haven't read anything where Hagrid is the main character, but I've been meaning to (because of my love of minor characters!) so good choice on which chapter for me to review ;) Anyways, absolutely stunning! Your command of adjectives is really good and I'm jealous! You really delved into Hagrid's pysche and his language, and that made it all the more believable.

It seems so canon that he would be thinking about the past while flying over England with Harry, reliving good and bad memories, just letting his mind take him wherever it wants to. And the memories! I'm glad you took the time to touch on Tom Riddle's interaction with Hagrid and Aragog, and added more to that scene than they gave in the movie/book so great job on keeping that canonical!

In the beginning, I think I found my new favorite word. "Disgusturous" made me laugh because it described the impeccable Mr. Malfoy! Wonderful description there! :') Your descriptions and adjectives as a whole were amazing and fantastic!

A great chapter in this collection, I look forward to more! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hey there! Thanks, that's so generous of you! :)

Neither have I, so I couldn't wait to get really involved in what it would be like to be Hagrid, and especially delve in to his memories! Heheh we share the same love -- I love a good minor character! It was quite hard to get the hang of Hagrid's language, but I tried to grasp it as much as I could ;)

I loved the image of Hagrid zooming past the stars with this baby in his arms, and also recounting his encounter with Tom Riddle. I really enjoyed making Tom to be out this snooty malicious bully!

Hahah thanks! I love that word! Wow, that's such a nice thing to say, that's totally made my day, thanks!

Thank you so much for such a detailed and amazing review -- you're awesome!

Sophie :D


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Review #11, by nott theodore That Feeling

18th August 2013:
Sophie! You snuck this chapter in without me realising it, otherwise I would have been here a lot earlier! This was such a cute chapter of the story!

Your writing is getting better with each new piece of yours I read! There were so many lines here that I thought JK herself could have written and it really made me smile when I read them. I love the fact that you chose to write about George and Angelina as well; I like the idea of them being a couple and it makes me sad when I read about them never being happy because of Fred. I don't think of them like that and I liked your portrayal of them here.

At the beginning I thought that you captured George's grief really well. I wasn't left in any doubt about what the chapter was going to be about and I could feel this current of sadness running through the story. I really felt sorry for George here and you made me feel sad as well, which is great to do as a writer!

Another thing I thought you did well in the opening scenes was the way that you wrote the Weasleys; you didn't include too many of them for the first part of a story but the ones that you did include were well written and I thought that they behaved consistently with their canon characters. The mentions of Molly cooking George bacon and eggs for breakfast and Charlie drinking when he was troubled were particularly good; they felt natural and fit with the story.

The personification and repetition of That Feeling worked really well, and as a quote (I think it was a quote, right?) it was worked in seamlessly. It sort of took on its own life during the story and I thought that was a great interpretation of the way that grief affects people's lives; I think the grief of losing Fred would affect George more than anyone.

There was some brilliant description in this piece. You really made full use of imagery and similes and metaphors here to enhance your writing, but without loading it too heavily for the story. One of my favourites was "wearing it like a toddler draped in a coat that was too big for him".

I loved the way that Angelina arrived and the two of them struggled to even speak at first, but that seeing her helped George to remember that he isn't the only one who has lost something, and isn't the only one who is suffering. The way you wrote it was very believable and realistic for me to read. The way that they realised spending time together made them happier and helped them to forget was really cute, and you built up to the ending really well.

There were a couple of mistakes with dialogue tags and a couple of typos, but I'm sure that another read through would fix those.

The ending really made me smile; you got across the fact that even though the grief doesn't go away, it does become easier to live with and I thought you showed that well with the last couple of lines.

Sian :)

Author's Response: Sian! Hiya! You can't believe how happy this review made me, thank you so much! :)

Hahah thanks - I keep on striving to improve my writing each time. :O WOWSAS thank you! *swoons* I love George and Angelina, and George is such a funny character who's constantly making people laugh and feel better. The only person I think he can't make feel better is himself, and once the closest person he had was gone, I think he wouldn't know how to cope. He must've been beyond despair, and I think that the only way to help heal that wound was to perhaps meet someone who felt the same way, or just a distraction I guess. I did try to not include any guilt about Fred, I thought it just wasn't like them to carry on looking back, and live their life in regret.

I didn't want it to be too crammed with characters, I definitely wanted this to be about George and his emotions, and his developing relationship with Angelina. I couldn't resist dropping in some of Charlie though, he's often forgotten, and he's so awesome!

No it wasn't a quote! Hahah I just made it up :P I wanted it to seem like a whole other person, for people to empathise more with George and see where he was coming from. I think George would see his grief more of this kind of figure, or object, he had to overcome and having it personified was actually really fun for me to weave in :).

Yayy! I wanted to really paint a picture in the reader's head, and make it as realistic as possible. Thank you! I thought of the expression when people say "carrying a burden on your shoulders" or something along those lines, but I wanted another version of that that I could use for George!

Angelina has so many memories with Fred -- obviously not as many as George did -- but she went to the Yule Ball with him and stuff and whether she actually had feelings for him I'm not too sure. I really like them as a couple, and I wanted them to kind of grow attached to each other again in a day!

I'll read back through those and sort them out :) Thank you very much for such a long, detailed, and amazing review, it was lovely of you to drop by!


Sophie :D


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Review #12, by Luna That Feeling

18th August 2013:
I...I think I'm going to cry. You described how George must have felt about losing Fred so well that I... I... Great story, loved it.

Author's Response: Awh, I didn't want anyone to cry!
I really feel sorry for George -- losing someone so close to you must feel absolutely horrid and empty -- and I wanted him to have a happy ending, even if Fred couldn't.
I'm really glad you enjoyed it, and thank you so much for stopping by and leaving a review! :)

-Sophie :D


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Review #13, by Enjolras How to train your cousins

17th August 2013:
Ah! Incredible story. Greatly written from a child's perspective, too. I also love the idea behind it, because it seems you have summed up the entire Next-Generation in one chapter - though you've focused on Victoire's thoughts a little more.

This version of Victoire is my favourite, I have to say. Leading adventures through the woods, building bath-mobiles, and let's not forget the "Vic Rule". Her personality seems to be the perfect mix of Weasley and Delacour (though I have a feeling that she would refuse to acknowledge the latter?) and I just love the way you've written her.

You get snippets of each of the childrens' personalities in this, even if they've only spoken a few words. After I read the next few chapters of this, I must take a peek at Proud to be a Lupin (because, I'm a sucker for anything Lupin-related).

This is just really fantastic, so I'm gonna go and read some more (how can I resist, really?)

Author's Response: Thank you! :) Yay! I'm glad I managed to pull the whole child's perspective off, because I was worried it would be a bit fake. Hahah that was unintentional -- I had so much fun describing their characters, and what they looked like! I do love a bit of Next-Gen! :P

Aw, thank you so much! I really wanted to make this Victoire believable as both a Weasley, and a Delacour, with a great sense of adventure and daringness, but then this kind of protective side and bossiness!

Eeek that is such a lovely thing to say! I love the Lupins too, they are super duper cool! :D

Thank you so much for such an awesome review! This made my day!

-Sophie :D


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Review #14, by Jchrissy That Feeling

12th August 2013:
Hi lovely! This was such an emotional chapter!

I really, really love the sort of separate character you gave 'That Feeling.' It was it's own thing in this one shot, that thing that keeps George stuck in that miserable place without even wanting/trying to get better. That was such a creative way to give his emotions a very personification, and i loved it!

I also liked the struggle it was for George to get back in the shop, and really liked the small mention of alcohol being Charlie's way to drown sorrows.

The comparison of it draping him like a child in a coat too big was so awesome, another really cool but of personification!!

Then the emotional move George made to understanding, with Angelina's help, that it wasn't JUST him. He wasn't the only one who lost, wasn't the only one who was hurting, all felt so realistic. I loved the easy way about one another you gave the two of them, and how comforting it just felt for them to be together.

There were a a few grammatical issues, like:
George said: do you want to come in? and Angelina said: Could you do with an extra pair of hands?

These would still need to be divided into different lines. The colon is technically correct, but in this case you'd be better off smoothing it out with a comma. Like:

George said. Do you want to come in?

Angelina didn't answer the question directly, but instead replied with, "Could you do with an extra pair of hands?"

Just small things like that :)! Your writing improves every time I read it, m'dear!!!



Author's Response: Thank you very much for stopping by again, Jami, your reviews honestly make my day and I am so lucky to have such an awesome reviewer like you! :)

Hahah, thank you! I really tried to personify the emotion to try and portray how it really feels to lose someone that close to you. I think George would've had to see the emotion like an enemy and a best friend, and he would've spent all day every day feeling it at first.

Everyone forgets about Charlie! Charlie is awesome too! I'm so glad you picked that comparison out, because I was so pleased when it came to me :)

I had to think of a way that George and Angelina would kind of click -- and I admit, I did reread the first few chapters of Before They Fall just to see how two people that hadn't seen each other for a while and kind of had feelings for each other conversed -- and how George could eventually stop blaming himself and empathise with Angelina.

That does look much smoother! I just wanted an excuse to use a colon, hahah! I will definitely read over it and help smooth it over to make it flow better! Thanks for pointing that out!

It was so lovely to hear from you again Jami, thank you so much! You're awesome!

-Sophie :D



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Review #15, by MadiMalfoy That Feeling

9th August 2013:
Hiya, I'm here for the Maze Runner quote challenge. :)

Firstly, thanks for entering in the challenge! I just absolutely loved the Maze Runner trilogy and I'm glad other people did too. Your use of the quote was absolutely beautiful! The grief you put into George's character, spoken or not, was done very well. You wrote it very canonically and believably. This chapter showed just how it was that George and Angelina got together, which is sort of just skipped over a lot of times. It makes a lot of sense they'd come together in their grief for Fred and kind of use each other as a way to escape their pain.

Great job, I'll post the winner soon. :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: It was a truly creative idea for a challenge, and I do love the Maze Runner and Thomas is awesome! :)

Hahah thank you! I wasn't intending to put it there, it just seemed to work as I was writing the description! Awh, thank you very much! I love a bit of George/Angelina, and I often wanted to write about how they got together really. I thought that maybe they would connect through going through the same pain as each other, and kind of empathising with each other.

Thank you very much!

-Sophie :D



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Review #16, by adluvshp How to train your cousins

28th July 2013:
Hey! Here for your much, much delayed requested review from the forums. My apologies for taking so long to get this done but real life stuff had kept me super occupied. Anyway, on to the review!

I quite enjoyed this first chapter of your short story collection. I think it made for an interesting and even amusing read. Victoire's characterisation looks good. I liked how you've built up on the fact that she is the eldest cousin, and gone on for her character traits like bossiness and yet anxious attitude from there. The way she dealt with the situation at hand was fun to read, and I enjoyed her subtle exasperation with her cousins. It was also nice to see her let go and have fun herself in the lake, and then see her creative side coming up with the bath mobile and such. The way the entire thing came together was fun to read.

I liked the small details too, like her hear skipping a beat when Teddy gave her an awed look, or the small details of the kind of mother Fleur is which we learn through Victoire's thoughts. You did a good job tying it together with your simple yet elaborate descriptions, which made for an easy read.

The only criticism I'd give you, is that I'd have liked to see perhaps a bit more clarity in your descriptions of the narrative. I got a bit confused in places as to what was going on, especially in the bath mobile crash, so if you made your descriptions more explicit there, it would be good. Some explanation and clear-cut language should do the trick. Apart from that, you also had a couple of grammar/spelling errors, so if you could do a thorough re-read and fix the typos, this would make for a much smoother read.

Rest, this was a good chapter and I enjoyed reading it. Your idea of the short story collection seems interesting and I am curious to see what you come up with next, so feel free to re-request.

Good going!
8.5/10
Cheers
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm really glad you enjoyed it! :)

I tried to make Victoire look like an older sister, and an older cousin, and I figured she'd probably be quite bossy, and all that jazz! I thought that being the oldest cousin would probably be a blessing and curse for Victoire, and as much as she enjoyed bossing children around, she really did care about them and didn't want to take full responsibility over them all the time. She has a streak of Weasley in her as well, and thus must definitely enjoy a bit of havoc too!

Eeek, I'm so pleased you picked up on that! I tried really hard to add as much description as possible, and to really make it come together, to try and make as smooth as I couls.

I must admit, even I got a bit confused in the bath mobile crash! I will definitely go back and fix the typos as well, thanks for warning me! :)

This is such a helpful long review, you've been so nice! Thank you very much!

-Sophie :D


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Review #17, by Jchrissy In Hagrid's Hands

19th July 2013:
Hi lovely!

This chapter had such a sad but soft feel to it. I think if anyone would know what it was like to feel too big, it would definitely be Hagrid!

You really got is dialogue down, which is amazing! He sounded very in-canon Hagrid, and his thoughts felt really well placed too.

We see that he has tendencies to put himself down more than anyone, probably having adjusted to the teasing of others and wanting to make fun of himself before they do, and you showed that part of him really perfectly here. Then you added another important layer to his characterization with the proud sort of feeling he had when thinking he was on a mission for Dumbledore. I LOVED that!

Your writing gets better each time I read something of yours ♥ Your dialogue punctuation was perfect, and no errors popped out at me.

I think the only thing I'd suggest with this would be playing up your flashbacks a bit more and tying them more into the story. I loved them, so I don't think you should get rid of them or anything, but you could add a few sentences so that we could sort of follow his thought process. Like this the first, here's how you end that section:

.baby Harry to his chest with one hand and pressed down on the handlbar to sprint down the road in the other, taking off in a whirl wind of dust, in to the night sky.

And next you start on the memory of his spider. You could add something in there, just a sentence about knowing the importance of keeping the small child safe, and not wanting the memory of the last time he'd cared for a helpless creature and how that had ended to plague him. Then that would sort of transition us into the memory of when he'd failed to keep and care for his spider :)!

This was another really awesome chapter, and I'm so excited to see who you do next!

Author's Response: I only just remembered I hadn't responded to this review! Grrr I'm really sorry Jami!

Haha I agree! Hagrid is the physically biggest person I could think of, aside from giants of course. Thank you, I had to go read snippets of his speech from the books! I love Hagrid, and I had immense fun describing him, and his speech was one of the best bits!

I think there's probably a big vunerable side of Hagrid -- for a start, he attaches himself to creatures way too much, and empathises with them for being outsiders because of how they look and act -- and also, he's very sensitive, and soppy! Therefore, I think it makes sense that he likes to feel useful, seeing as he used to feel so big and useless, so being specially chosen by Dumbledore to do this made him feel good about himself :)

That's made me go all warm and fuzzy inside! I'm so happy you said that, thank you! &hearts

That is really awesome advice, I'll go back and try to smooth it out a bit more, so I can keep it flowing :P Thank you for helping me improve it!

Heheh thanks for stopping by again Jami, you're awesome!

-Sophie :D


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Review #18, by KiwiOliver How to train your cousins

29th June 2013:
KiwiOliver here with your RR:
Aww what a lovely chapter, an amazing perspective from a time that is not commonly looked at! We usually see Vic and Ted when they're moody teenagers and falling in love, I must say I really like this refreshing view on their childhood.
I think that Victoire thinks and acts (along with all of the characters) perfectly for her (their) age(s).
You've created (or at least adapted) amazingly realistic characters and put them in a plot that isn't over the top action adventure, but does have it's moments of worry. (You put that across brilliantly I might add.)
I particularly liked the bit where Teddy mentions the Discovery channel, then gets shot down :p It made me chuckle!
The flow was fine, it had a nice pace that kept it interesting all the time :) You didn't overdo it with details or underdo it with too much action, you created a perfect balance. :)
I liked the plot, it was a simple one 'A fun day out' but you managed to get me worried for Dom/Louis and by doing that, you managed to make me (or any reader) have a mix of feelings. I laughed at the bit with Teddy, I was happy when hearing about their day out, I was scared when they nearly drowned and I was proud for Vic at the end. :)
Overall a brilliant chapter, and I can't wait to read the other stories in this collection!
Feel free to re-request or request some of your other work, I really like your writing style so I'll probably be reading them anyway!
KO

Author's Response: What a lovely review! Thank you so much for an awesome review and getting back to me so quickly!

Thank you! I love writing things in childrens POV because they have such a refreshing and interesting view on things! Thanks so much, I did try really hard to keep them speaking and acting like real children, and keep them believable.

Yay the plot is good! I was worried the pace was too slow in some places, and then faster in others, so I'm so pleased it was alright and you liked the style of it! That was what I was trying to achieve!

Awww thank you so much for such a kind review!! You were so nice, and i'm really happy you liked it! :)

Sophie :D


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Review #19, by nott theodore In Hagrid's Hands

6th June 2013:
Hi Sophie! I was really pleased to see that you'd added another chapter to this story, especially one about Hagrid - I agree with you that he doesn't really get the credit he deserves!

It's really interesting to see all the different approaches you can take to the title of this story, and of course Hagrid fits brilliantly with it. The theme is cute and it can be interpreted in a lot of ways, so I always enjoy seeing how you develop each chapter!

The way that you came full circle in this chapter was really nice. I loved the way that Hagrid went from feeling so enormous and dwarfing Harry to feeling dwarfed by the power and magnitude of what Harry had done. It was really effective. You also added some depth to his character, such as when you mentioned his attempts to use shrinking potions just so that he could be a normal size. It was really cute!

I thought the flashbacks you included were really well chosen, and not too long compared to other parts of the story. I felt very sorry for poor Hagrid during the part when Riddle accused him of letting a monster loose on the school. I liked the fact that you hid Fang's real identity until the end of the flashback, referring to him as the visitor all the way through instead. It was really sweet to see how Hagrid got his best friend and I was really happy for him that he wasn't lonely anymore. Another thing I thought you conveyed well was the way Hagrid cares for all the animals around him.

As usual, I really like the descriptions you used; they aren't too long for these stories, but I can imagine what you describe well.

A few little typos I picked up:
"he said apoligetically, although there was no need to apoligise really." -- apologetically and apologise
"The dog's joules" -- jowls

Other than those small mistakes, this was a really cute story and I enjoyed reading it. I hope another one comes soon!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Another review?! You're awesome Sian! Thank you so much! You're reviews honestly make me so happy! And I'm thrilled you like Hagrid too - he is a lovely character!

Yeah - I'm going to go through all the metaphorical types of big, and of course the physical big too! I did try to keep it open, so people could see it from different angles, and I'm pleased you saw that! Awhh you're too nice! I'm sooo pleased I added enough depth to Hagrid because it was a shorter chapter than last time, and I did want him to be cured of feeling so enormous and different all the time. In the books it's never really mentioned, but growing up so big must've been so hard for Hagrid, and I can sympathise with the poor guy!

I wasn't going to include another flashback, but then I realized how Fang had actually been with Hagrid for so long and through so much, it would be impossible to miss out such an awesome loyal dog! I also wanted to illustrate how Fang is just like a human in a way to Hagrid, and he's a nice companion that did make Hagrid cheer up. Yay! I did try to 'paint a picture' really, and I'm so happy I achieved this!

Grr! Typos! It's so handy you picking them up, just because I often miss them, and it's a thing I hope I'll get better at noticing!

Thanks for one of the loveliest reviews I've ever received! I'm buzzing right now, thank you so much Sian! &hearts

Sophie :D


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Review #20, by nott theodore How to train your cousins

17th May 2013:
I hope you don't hate me, but I actually read this a couple of weeks ago without leaving a review. In my defence, I've been revising for exams, so I thought I'd come here at the first chance I got!

You have a real talent for writing characters as children and making them sound realistic and natural. There are very few stories that involve the next generation as children but you manage to capture them brilliantly, and this was very enjoyable to read because of it.

My favourite character here was without a doubt Victoire. Even though she's often portrayed as bossy in stories, there's a clear reason for it here. As the oldest she has to look after not only her younger siblings but all of her cousins as well; they're too young to do everything she wants to do, but she gets told off if she leaves them out. I love the idea of the 'Vic rule'!

The idea of make-believe is represented really well here. The way that the children go off hunting dangerous creatures and having exciting adventures, which are in fact all pretend, is so believable and true of what young children do.

Teddy was a great character here. I particularly enjoyed the way that you gave him his own distinct personality, but with enough characteristics from his parents to make him recognisable. I also liked the way that his hair changed colour to reflect his mood or what he was doing at the time.

At the end I found myself laughing at the reactions of their parents. I find it quite unlikely that they would let such young children wander off unseen for such a long time; maybe they were able to see them the whole time and were keeping a close eye on them?

I found myself a little confused around the middle with the bath-mobile, which I think mirrored Victoire's confusion well. I couldn't tell what had happened to all the children at some points, and I feel that she might have been a little more concerned about her siblings, but since this is told from Victoire's perspective it works because we only know what she knows.

I noticed just one typo towards the end:
"she mumbled her apoligy" -- apology

Overall, I really enjoyed this, and I love the way you write these characters as younger children than they're usually portrayed. Let me know when you update this!

Sian :)

Author's Response: I'm just so pleased you managed to review! Eeeek thank you so much for such a lovely long review - totally made my day :)


Thank you - I think it's mainly because I am a child still :P I don't enjoy writing teenagers as much, because their not as fun to write about, and I'm thrilled you liked it!


I think most people are bossy for a reason, and I actually feel really sorry for Victoire - having to be the most responsible one and all. I think having to look after such a range of cousins, and so many must be a challenge for her! Teddy, too, I think he is one of my most favourite HP characters of all time - definitely one of the most interesting - and having a talent of hair-changing and stuff was too tempting to not write about! I would love to be able to do all that! Yay, I'm pleased you could see the Lupin/Tonks in him! I tried really hard to make him seem believable, and still be a bit brave like his parents - though it's difficult to make a kid stand out as brave when they're only like ten.


I used to love going off and like going on 'bear hunts' and stuff when I was younger, so I'm really glad you thought it was believable! Yeah, I think the parents did see them the whole time - just because this is Hermione Granger we're talking about here - and I can't imagine them not being worried about their children if they disappear for more than five minutes. Oops! Thanks for noticing the typo!


Thank you so much for such a detailed and awesome review! It was brilliant of you to stop by with all your revising! Thanks!


Soph :D






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Review #21, by gingersnape How to train your cousins

14th May 2013:
Eeep! I can't wait to see where this story goes! Victoire is one of my favorite characters to read, but I never get to see her as a child since she is the oldest. Writing children can be so difficult, but I could totally relate to Victoire's feelings about being the eldest child and how you showed her insecurities.

I'm really interested to see where this goes and how Victorie develops through whatever other short stories get added to this collection. This was a really good starting place for wherever you take her character, though, because I really got to know Victoire and her relationship with her cousins! I got a little lost when she crashed the bathtub, however, since I wasn't sure who was lost or what happened exactly. I felt really confused, which both worked well to make me feel like she would have felt, but I also feel like adding some more background information on how she crashed, why she kind of forgot her siblings, and why the adults weren't really involved could help clear things up and make this even better!

One of my favorite parts of the chapter was when you talked about Teddy's hair, since you branched out from the usual looking like either Remus or Nymphadora. I love how the colors his hair turned both matched what was happening as well as the situation! His blue hair helped me picture the water and the light cheerful mood at the beginning of the story really well, but when his hair went amber with his frustration at not being able to start the fire, I instantly felt his frustration.

I didn't notice too many errors - other than the confusing bit with the bath-mobile crash, I only saw one other little error: In the line "I thought you were meant ot be looking after the young ones," at the end, you have "ot" instead of "to." Other than that, I really liked how this flowed and think it's a great start!

Overall, I think your description in this is definitely my favorite part! It's so vivd and I can always picture the scene in my head and really feel what's happening because of it! I loved how you used the "cloak of navy" because I could totally feel the depth of the darkness and thought the wording really drew me in too. From when she was really showing her eldest child leadership to when her insecurities were gnawing at her and making her face go red, I could always understand what Victoire was feeling!

Overall, I'm just green with envy over this and had a blast reading it! Let me know if you post another section - I'd love to read it! :)

Annie

Author's Response: Awh thank you! This review is so sweet, detailed and lovely! :)

I'm glad you enjoyed it - I thought Victorie was a really interesting character to write about, seeing as she's the eldest cousin, and often paired up with Teddy. I can totally empthaise with her too, I often had/have to run around after my cousins! Thanks for the advice, I totally agree - maybe if I added like a small paragraph about how they crashed and stuff it might clear things up a little :)

I'm fascinated with the idea of having your hair/eyes/main facial characterisitics changed, so I had immense fun describing Teddy's hair, seeing as I'd love my hair to change colour as well. I'm really pleased you picked up on how it changed according to the situations, and it was awesome fun to write about! Also, I'll go back and edit the 'ot' thanks for letting me know!

Awh that's so nice of you! I tried really hard to set the scene and stuff, to try and make it more realistic and paint more of a scene in the readers head. I wanted the reader to emphaise with her as well, because I think Victorie is often portrayed as bossy, and I think she actually had to adapt and become bossy in order to cope with all her cousins!

Thank you so much for such a long awesome review, it's so useful to know what you think, and I'm really looking forward to reading yours!

Sophie :D




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Review #22, by Jchrissy How to train your cousins

23rd April 2013:
Okay I have to get the side of me that works with children all day out -- WHERE ARE THESE CHILDREN'S PARENTS. Hahahahah.

I thought this was really, really entertaining and made me want to hug each of them, but I do think you maybe should include something in the beginning about either them sneaking off, then end it with a worried bunch of parents showing up, or maybe the lake is barely a pond and in reality the parents can see pretty clearly the whole time?

I think that would make this more realistic but keep the exciting adventure sort of spirit alive. It would take someone Lily's size (3 or 4) less than a minute to drown. The size of her lungs would be small enough that with an accidental swallow, it could kill her really quickly. So I kind of kept freaking out about why on earth the parents weren't around, hahaa. Not that that's actually your fault or the fault of the story... sorry, I'm turning my worrier brain off. Haha.

You did such an awesome job giving Victoire both a bossy but loving sort of personality. I bet either you're the oldest, or have a strong personality older sister. I swear, I felt like I was a kid again following my sister around as she ordered me to do crazy things, haha!

I also think you manged to get both her personality one that fits so well with both her parents!! I feel so often like people either make a sibling an identical version of a parent or nothing like them, but you really found a perfect balance in this!

She has her mother's pride. She's in charge of keeping them all happy (Oh! Also! Maybe you could show them all coming back and Victoire and Teddy getting in big trouble because they were supposed to watch over the youngsters and keep them in the back yard or something? That would tie up the, why aren't these parents watching them!Feeling nicely, haha!). Anyway-- she refused to give up, going above and beyond to do well as the oldest cousin. Then look at her bravery! So much like Bill! LOVE it!

All the age differences were so adorable. Watching them interact...you really captured that free spirit of childhood so well.

One last thing -- there are a few paragraphs and lines that you don't have the spacing between :)! I think adding that would give this lovely story a nice, clean feel!!

Awesome job ♥

Author's Response: Yaayyy Jami!! Thank you so much for dropping by - your helpful advice is always needed! :)

I'm glad you thought it was entertaining - and I must admit - I did think a bit about the parents. Buuutt I totally lost the whole parent-y instinct vibe - so thank you for pointing that out! I think the parents would be worried sick about the whole bunch of children gone missing, and I was too dumb to realise that parents would notice if a huge bunch of children went missing! Doh! Thanks for showing me :)

Yeah, my older sister is some what a strong hearted soul. One of the reasons why I'm a gryffindor is probably because I'm one of the only ones in the family who can stand up to her, haha. I did just follow my older sister around constantly, and do what she told me!

Yay I'm glad Victoire reminded you of Fleur (and brave Bill)! I did try to show a decent bit of resemblance between the siblings and their parents, but then make them their own as well, so I'm thrilled you thought I got the balance right. I love your idea! I will definitely go add that in! Like that the parents could see them the whole time! Awesome! And yeah, a bit more space could help the story be a bit more easier to read and a bit more esthetically pleasing.

Thank you for reviewing, it's lovely to hear your expert opinion, and your reviews are also so long, detailed and awesome! Thank you so much Jami :D


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Review #23, by LilyEPotter How to train your cousins

22nd April 2013:
You did great in capturing how the eldest, or the person in charge, has to be continuously changing their plans to keep younger children interested and occupied.

There's only one part that I find difficult. If the group crash-landed in the lake, why would Victoire climb out and put her shoes on, forgetting about the toddlers until Teddy had surfaced with two of them?

I also liked at the end, Victoire gaining tolerance of the younger children whining as an activity might exceed their abilities.

Author's Response: Hi there!

I completely empathaise with Victoire being the oldest, and having the most responsible job. I wanted to across how boring it was for her, as it was for them, to adapt her plans.

Yeah, valid point! I'll go back and edit it, thank you for noticing :)

Awh, I'm really pleased you liked the end. I just wanted Victoire to just understand why they were whining a bit, and also to just be grateful for them.

Thank you so much for such a lovely review! It's awesome of you! :D


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Review #24, by Lululuna How to train your cousins

16th April 2013:
Hello, here for your requested review! :)

First of all, I really like the whole idea of the Weasleys having big gatherings where the kids get to run wild and go on fun adventures like "banshee hunting." It's a very appealing and relatable childlike situation, but with magic added to the equation which makes it all the more interesting! (Although, I hope the parents were at least keeping a secret eye on them, especially since Lily and Hugo would have been so young!)

I also enjoyed the characterization of Victoire as the long-suffering, responsible older cousin. You did a great job of writing her personality, and I really admired her as a character. My favourite moments were probably when she was stressing about entertaining all of them, and her relief when she found her siblings safe-it was very nicely described.

You did a good job with adding in little details that were pure gold. For example, poor Roxy having Phoenix Pox, and Teddy's hair turning blue as he reached the water.

I think that the introduction was a strong way to set the scene and the relationships between the cousins. However, I could be wrong but I think it should be spelt "whiner," not "winer." I was confused for a minute as I thought you might have meant that Victoire hated "winners"! :P Also, you could consider tying in how she hated whiners at the end of the story, which would lead the scene in a nice little circle-maybe conclude with saying that none of them had whined in hours or something?

Also, I found the structure a little hard to follow at times. The formation of the sentences and coherence of thoughts was good, but the way that the sentences are condensed in small formations isn't very user-friendly. If you were to space out each separate line, or to form them into smoother paragraphs, I think it would be a little easier to read! I hope that makes sense, haha. :)

Hopefully this review was at least a little helpful!! I really liked the story, keep up the strong writing!!!

Author's Response: Awh thank you for getting back to me so quickly and reviewing such a long review too!! It's awesome of you ;)

I'm really glad you liked Victoire - I felt that she doesn't really get enough judos for being the oldest cousin, as it's a very tricky job to keep everyone happy (I speak from experience!) and I tried to not make her this whinging fussy girl - so I'm thrilled you liked her!

Thank you! I did try to add in little things like that, so I'm really pleased you picked up on that, because I tried really hard to set the scene.

I've changed the whole 'winers' thing - thanks for pointing that out. I added in some on it - it's so useful of you to point that out - and I think it wraps it up nicely now and leaves the reader more satisfied :) I've also edited the structure - so it's more of an easy to follow narrative, hopefully - and easier on the eye.

This review is really helpful, thank you so much - I really enjoyed reading it - and it was lovely of you to respond so quickly and nicely as well! Thank you - you're seriously awesome :D


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Review #25, by patronus_charm How to train your cousins

11th April 2013:
I am so sorry for how long this review took, I was away for a week without my laptop, and phone reviews just make me want to throw the phone at the wall, anyway on with the review :D

I loved your characterisation of Victoire, it was so refreshing to have her with a sort of man up streak as I've never seen it done before, and it just made me laugh so much. It seemed to suite her a lot too, and I can just imagine her berating everyone to be braver!

I really liked your characterisation of the other cousins too, as they all seemed to have unqiue personalities not just the same ones. I also liked how you showed tension between them all, and that they weren't all the best of friends.

I was a bit wary of the format when I first saw it, but I grew to really like it, and it seemed to match Victoire's jumping thoughts about what to do.

The use of the quote was really good too. And the way you showed the next gen characters was really refreshing too.

I thought this was a really great start to the story, and the results should be posted soon :D

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: It's fine!! Ergh, phone reviews are so frustrating, I know what it's like -_-

I'm really pleased you like Victoire - she's such an interesting character - and I didn't want her to be pathetic and really girly.

I was quite aware of all the varying cousins, and I didn't want them to all blend together, so that's lovely of you to mention! I wanted the reader to be able to decipher some of the cousins - and some of the relationships. I've always loved having a range of characters, and creating unique traits for each one.

Thank you for such a lovely review - you're awesome - and it's the most awesome and clever challenge I've seen! Mumford and Sons are just so awesome! :)

-Soph :3


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