Reading Reviews for The Worst
258 Reviews Found

Review #1, by lindslo2012 At The Burrow

2nd December 2014:
Wow it has been awhile since I have read this, but I remembered it right when I started to read this, it's such a good story! ;D
I would feel quite isolated if I were Dom, especially if I saw my boyfriend and sister conversing and then stop talking when I walked up. I was totally surprised at the end when he proposed- and surprised at her reaction, but then again I wasn't. It is a rather hard time for getting engaged with everything going on in her life, I can understand why she is refusing it. I am nervous for what happens next... he won't leave her will he? Eeeek I hope not... I can't believe this just happened. I cant wait to read the rest! As usual, awesome job! Come back and re-request!

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Review #2, by AlexFan It Is Time

27th November 2014:
Itís been a while since I read this story so itís great to see another chapter! Also, Iím so sorry for taking so long with your review!

If I remember correctly, I was quite upset that Dom had refused Teddyís proposal last chapter, but after reading this one, I can understand where Dom is coming from. Sheís still dealing with the fact that sheís a werewolf and sheís still adjusting to that part of herself, I imagine no one would want to go into something as big as marriage without being sure of who they were and how to deal with being a werewolf.

Wow, miscommunication seems to be a problem in Teddy and Domís relationship at the moment. I can understand what she means when she says that she expected Teddy of all people to understand and figure out why she didnít want to get married so soon, at the same time, Dom never really explained herself either so what she mightíve assumed obvious, was clearly not the case for Teddy.

I liked this chapter and how it focused on Domís anxiety, because of course she would be anxious, and her situation with Teddy would most certainly add to that nervousness. I like how you kept building up to the transformation little by little throughout the story, I was so sure that the entire thing would be in this chapter but only the beginning seemed to have made it in.

Anyway, I look forward to the next chapter and how the entire transformation goes for Dom and what itís going to feel like for her.

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Review #3, by Moonyxluna Decisions and Discoveries

23rd November 2014:
Hey AD I'm here with your requested review! Sorry about the wait on this one! I usually don't like to make you wait this long, but NaNo has been beating me a lot :p

I really liked your intro to this story. Same with the other things I've read from you, you really capture the sense of fear that Dominique has here about werewolves, even though she's grown up knowing people close to werewolves all her life.

In chapter two I really loved the introduction/dream sequence. I definitely thought it was real! hah. One thing in that chapter I was kind of surprised about - and this isn't really cc as much as a character analysis - but the second she got out of the paralytic charm she told them that she was fine, and tried to ease their worries. It was sweet of her, and said a lot about her character. Ah, and you hit me right in the Remus feels with Dominique throwing Teddy's dad's history right back at him. heh.

I thought the little flashback in chapter three about Vic/Teddy/Dominique was really sweet. I could completely understand Dominique's panic towards her sister, and Vic was so lovely about the whole thing. It really provided a nicely placed background information for the rest of the story. I also thought Dominique's boss was kind of saccharine in the way she spoke to her; a little 'too good to be true' also. Though, I was sensing a bit of apprehension from Dominique, and it was kind of strange of her boss to just offer her compensation. Normally when accidents at work happen like that, the employee has to be the one to bring up compensation, because the job doesn't want to pay for it unless they have to. So that makes me a little suspicious because it looks like she's trying to just cover it up. I also loved the part about her looking at the bite mark; I'm hoping she'll be able to move on from it - or heal, but maybe I'm getting my werewolf mythologies in different fandoms mixed up :p - either way, I'm looking forward to it.

In chapter four the moment when Dominique finally opens up to Teddy was very sweet. I really like him so far; he seems like he's going to be a rock for her. And I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one (Teddy too) who doesn't like the way Dominique's boss spoke to her! Thought it was a little strange that Teddy - the only one she opened up to so far - left in a flurry of apologizes after telling her she was going to get more bad news. I'd think he'd want to be there.
As you are aware of, you have been bitten by a werewolf -- heh, puns. But I actually wanted to point this out because it did make me laugh unintentionally, but I also wanted to just point out that you don't really need the 'of' - if you edit. It's really minor.

And onto chapter five! As I start this chapter I'm really interested in the limitations her healer is putting on her; the child birth thing! I'm wondering how much of his medical talk is true, and how much is crafted by the ministry/healers just so werewolves won't reproduce. I don't know if that's something that you have planned into this fic, so I'll have to read on to see!

It was a sad/sweet moment with Vic/Dom/Fleur, where Fleur is promising to be there for Dominique. It was nice to see that little bit from the books where Fleur stayed by Bill coming through.

I really like how you write Dominique so far. She seems like such a real person. She's hit with this absolutely tragic thing, and as much as she seems like she wants to be strong for her family and strong for Teddy, she still is not doing well with the whole idea. It really gives her realistic qualities that I admire of you as the writer.

So, we ended on the bit of a cliffhanger about a 'decision' in chapter four. I think I was expecting a little bit more of an explanation in chapter five, if that makes sense? Or even in chapter four. We get the medical reasoning for why she can't have children, but I don't actually find out what the decision is until partway into chapter five. We have the little sentimental moment, but I was sort of distracted through it because I was confused about what the decision was supposed to be. The cliffhanger left off at four so it felt like the first sentence of chapter five should have been what the decision actually was supposed to be. I'd have liked to know a little sooner, flow-wise.

Teddy and Dominique could always adopt! It still feels a little bit like the Healers, and even her family a little, are trying to rush Dominique into making a very rash decision that could change her life forever. Surely there has to be something else that they can do to prevent pregnancy/lycanthrophy spreading? Will have to read on!

I think the jump from Dominique wanting to talk to Teddy about things, and the 'Six hours later' was a little too abrupt. We had the phrase 'six hours later' but there wasn't really any transition sentences before it to indicate that a change of scenery was about to happen. Maybe a sentence or two that she 'got to talk to Teddy' and then 'headed off for St. Mungo's', or really just something to indicate to the reader what's happening. - This wasn't really a common thing through the story; I've really enjoyed everything so far and I think everything as flowed really well, and the plot/story line is fantastic.

OH NO! Plot twist! I didn't think for one second that the Ministry could have put the charms. I was sort of under the impression that it was just the wolves that did it for their own protection/the village's protection, but that's an amazing twist if the Ministry did it, and caused the attack on purpose.

To summarize, I have really enjoyed this so far. I think you hit the meaty plot out of the park with this chapter's introductions, and I can't wait to read more. Feel free to re-request!

(ah, so close to the character limit :p)

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing!

I am pleased you liked the intro and the fear of Dominique. Yes Dominique is the kind of person who'll want to not worry the people around her so she'll be all about "I"m fine". I had a lot of Remus feels writing that bit too yeah!

I am glad you liked the flashback as well. I just wanted to show some background into Teddy/Dom's relationship through it. The boss is definitely...fishy. As for the bite mark, Dom's been scarred with it for life, so unfortunately she won't heal but she will probably come to terms with it.

I love Teddy too - he's the perfect boyfriend and I enjoy writing him so I'm glad you like his character. Thanks for pointing out that little typo, I'll fix it.

Well, in my opinion, the medical talk is true, as I did quite some research and it would be dangerous for the baby in the womb during the transformation since the uterus itself changes, so yeah.

I am happy you like the Bill/Fleur/VIc dynamic with Dom as well. It's so nice to know that you find Dom realistic, thanks.

I'll consider what you've said about the cliffhanger/decision, and see if I can edit the chapter to make the decision a bit clearer in the beginning itself.

Everyone is definitely rushing into the decision but i think it's part of the impending transformation of Dom and partly the healer's insistence. Plus Dom wants to get it over with quickly so she doesn't have to dwell on it.

Thanks for that little tip about the time jump. I'll go back and see if I can make the transition smoother.

As for who caused the attack, you'll have to wait and read.

Thanks a lot once again for all your lovely comments!

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Review #4, by teh tarik It Is Time

23rd November 2014:
Hi AD!! ♥

I'm here like I said I would be...though a lot later than promised. *hides* So sorry, love! I've been struggling with balancing things but I finally managed to take some time to read your latest chapter (so glad to be getting back into the story...I'd forgotten quite a bit of the last chapter, so I had to skim through it briefly). Oh yeah, THAT disastrous proposal.

Aww, this chapter was pretty angst-filled, but I think it's appropriate; after all, Dom and Teddy are going through quite a rough patch in their relationship. On hindsight, perhaps Teddy's proposal wasn't such a good idea, given the timing. It definitely would have made more sense for him to wait a little while for them both to settle with the new changes to their lives. But still, i do like his commitment. Proposing to her was like offering to seal the deal: that no matter how tough things get with Dom's lycanthropy, that he'd always be with her. But obviously Dom isn't really, which is also equally understandable.

I really loved the exchange you wrote between them in this chapter. It's a long exchange, and one that's very passionate and emotion-filled. I think your dialogue is very good; it's certainly very meaningful and direct, and it doesn't skirt around issues. I like how open and sincere the conversation between them was; I've been reading a few too many snark fics haha, so this is refreshing. :) It's quite sad that despite such a deep conversation, the two can't quite reach an understanding between each other. Personally, I feel that Teddy should hold back a little and he definitely should NOT have left Dom alone at such a vulnerable moment of her life.

I love the contrast between Teddy's treatment of her and the caring support she gets from Bill and Fleur - those letters were wonderful. I'm glad that DOm still has people to turn to.

I think you did an excellent job of describing the transformation with wolfsbane potion; it definitely sounds unpleasant but not completely unbearable. Still, you ended on a cliffhanger, my dear!!

I'm really glad to be back in this story, AD! Sorry it has taken me quite a while, but this was a great chapter! I don't think you need to worry so much about this, and I do hope you get the next one up soon (and hopefully writer's block is gone for like FOREVER). ♥


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Review #5, by wolfgirl17 It Is Time

17th November 2014:

So much drama in this chapter!

It all felt very One Tree Hill season 5 ish to me what with her saying no and him doubting her love and her using him. So much selfishness on both parts. I still think Dom is the more selfish of the two. Yes it makes sense to want to get herself right first, but I do kind of feel like she's using him.

There is a big difference between Loving someone and Needing someone. At the moment I think she needs Teddy and she might love him, but not enough. It was right of her to say no because they probably would've ended up unhappy.

By the same token though, Teddy's actions were ill-thought-out and poorly planned. He should've realised she needed support and help, not just 'more love' in the package of a proposal. That's kind of like having someone offer you their help for a price. I'll help you, but only if you marry me.

And this review is getting out of hand. I'm too emotionally invested in your characters!

Anyway, I liked it. I want to know about the transformation and how it all goes for her. =)


Author's Response: Yay! Thank you for the freebies xD

I am pleased you liked all the drama and stuff here. I have never watched One Tree Hill so I can't relate with what you're saying but I guess it's a good thing so I'm happy you liked it =)

You definitely grasped the crux of what I was trying to convey with the whole loving/needing someone thing so yay!

Oh if only Teddy and Dom were rational beings, so much drama wouldn't ensue xP

I am glad you're invested in my characters! *proud writer moment*

Thanks a lot once again!

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Review #6, by wolfgirl17 At The Burrow

17th November 2014:
Oh look, a freebie! =)

I really love the way you describe Teddy in this chapter as being so loving and supportive and accepting of her condition, and I totally hate the way you have Dom say no to his proposal. It just seems so selfish on her behalf. He's obviously pointed out that he loves her and wants to marry her, even though she's a werewolf who can't have kids and is often insensitive to him, and she just rejects him.

I'm assuming you have reasons for this, but I must admit I love Dom a little less for her saying no. After all, it takes a lot of courage for a man to get down on one knee and ask his partner to marry him. To just say no with no explanation just seems so mean =(

Anyway, clearly you've elicited an emotional response from me more than once in this story. I know this review probably hasn't been even remotely helpful, I'm pretty much just gushing and rambling now.

But I'm blaming that on you for your brilliant writing skills. =)

On to chapter 9!


Author's Response: Yay for freebies!

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. I am pleased you like my Teddy; both of them are right in their own places and we see more of that in the next chapter.

Aww no don't love Dom less =(

I love your reviews so no problem at all xD Thanks!

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Review #7, by wolfgirl17 A Ray of Light

17th November 2014:
Hey Aditi.

Wolfgirl here with your review (finally). Sorry it took me a while I've been writing like crazy on a new idea of mine so I was a little sidetracked. I did stop by Dragonology though, and loved it.

I have to admit, the first time I read this chapter, I thought this was the last in this story. You'd wrapped up the mystery and left us with good feelings of how Dom might cope with her condition. It's nice that there is more, obviously, what with the way I've been begging you for more, but you could easily have ended it here.

I like the amount of psychology you put in this story. I like the reasons for Delilah going all nutty and doing such crazy things. I like the calculating way she tried to manipulate Dom by simultaneously alienating her within the wizarding world thanks to her curse, but also with the intention from profitting from that alienation by making people like Dom less and by having a column about it that would sell the paper even better.

That's a particular kind of heinous that I was surprised to see popping up in the world of fan fiction. Not because HP doesn't have some intriguing psych stuff and all, but because ordinarily fans want to make the character's lives better or worse and so this kind of ugly side of humanity isn't portrayed so much. Probably because who wants to fantasize about that darker side of the human psyche other than psychopaths and mystery writers??

Anyway, I think you know by now that your characterization and flow and plot and all that stuff is great and that I love the story. It's been a lot of fun reading this one. I still love the werewolf idea and I'm looking forward to swooping over to chapter nine and reading the newest installment.


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Review #8, by marauderfan It Is Time

14th November 2014:
Hey Aditi! Here with your requested review. Ahh, I'm sorry this took me as long as it did - truth be told, I read it and then had no CC, only praise, and decided that wouldn't be too useful so I'd just come back and do it later. So here I am :p

I love the way you started out, with Dominique's first attempts at a letter to Teddy, it really captures here state of confusion and well, it's probably not the sort of thing she can explain in a letter anyway, so I'm kind of glad she never sent it.

Although I'm really sad at the situation of Dominique and Teddy's relationship, I love the way you've shown how each side makes so much sense - and really if the two of them just step into each other's shoes for a moment, I think it would alleviate a lot of the misunderstanding. Like I can completely understand why Teddy is crushed that the girl he has been with through all the hard times, won't even give him a chance. And of course I sympathise with Dominique because why on earth would she want to leap into marriage just when she's beginning to find herself again (not to mention is about to go through a scary transformation for the first time!) I am really glad they talked openly and just said their honest feelings. But I'm sad that they ended on a sad note :(

Hermione is wonderful. I adore the way you write her - I could see her loosening up on rules and such over time (especially as she's married to Ron, who probably constantly reminds her "oh remember when you broke all those rules to make Polyjuice Potion?") She's so perceptive and really looks out for Dom and I just loved how she checked up on her and makes sure she'll be okay in the safe house.

And oh that letter from her parents ♥ so sweet. Dom has such a wonderful support network and I'm so glad she is finally appreciating that :)

The beginning of the description of transformation is so great - it's really vivid. But I can't believe you ended the chapter there. (I feel like I say this every time because you are like the master of cliffhangers. Grr. :P )

And honestly, there is very little I have to critique about this chapter. Here is one thing though:
ďTeddy, I love you,Ē those were the first words she had been able to speak -- That's really two separate sentences. Rather than a comma after 'you', it should be a full stop and then the next word would be a new sentence: "Teddy, I love you." Those were the first words... etc.

Otherwise, yeah this is a solid chapter. Really good work.

(Also you say you've got 2 chapters left and are aiming for a finish date of January 2015? One of my WIP's is in the same exact situation. We should race. :P But anyway, I'm really looking forward to your next chapter!

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much for your wonderful review.

Haha I don't mind no CC reviews, they make me happy xP

I am glad you liked the starting with the letter. I definitely thought it better not to send it too.

It's a relief to hear that you could see that the whole Teddy/Dom argument made sense and it didn't come across as forced. I tried my best to express the hurt on both sides and show how the misunderstanding alleviates. It is sad that it ended on a sad note but lets see how things turn out further.

It's awesome to know you like the way I write Hermione because I worry so much, her being a main canon character and all.

I definitely wanted to re-emphasise that Dom's family is with her so I am glad you caught on to that.

Haha I love cliffhangers xP We'll definitely be exploring the transformation further though, so that's a hint for you!

Thanks for pointing out that little mistake. I'll edit and sort it out.

Thanks again for your lovely review!! And haha good luck for your WIP!

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Review #9, by wolfgirl17 Meetings and more.

11th November 2014:
Hey Aditi!

Love the cliffhanger. There was so much drama in this chapter! Mr Young, and Delilah's betrayal and everything else.

As always the chapter is fantastic, and extra long =)

Your characterization is great, Teddy being so protective and Dom being a little confused and then so angry and it's all just coming together. It's getting harder to do these reviews because I'm so in love with the story that I feel like I'm just rambling on you. Knowing what's coming makes it hard to refine my review to each chapter as well without giving things away and commenting on how well everything links up.

Your flow in this story is really good. It's fast paced enough that the reader stays intrigued and keeps reaching for that next chapter button, but in-depth enough that we know what's going on and are interested in the entire thing. I'm going to be so sad when this story is done.

I'm still so curious about Julia and how you're going to fit her into the rest of the tale. Is she maybe in on the plot somehow? A vampire? I feel like if Delilah's crazy enough to make Dom a werewolf, she might be exploiting her other employees the same way.

Maybe that's just wishful thinking... I'll stop before I run away with your plot. Keep up the brilliant work. I'd love to see some more werewolf action coming up!

xx-Ellie =)

Author's Response: Hey Ellie!

I am pleased you're enjoying the drama and the cliffhanger. It's a relief to know you like the characterisation of Dom and Teddy. Haha I'm glad you are liking the story so much and I honestly I don't mind what kinda reviews you give xP

I am pleased you like the flow as well. I'll definitely be sad when it's done too.

Haha Julia is just that harmless supportive friend to stay by her side -- nothing wrong with her xP


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Review #10, by wolfgirl17 Decisions and Discoveries

9th November 2014:
Hey Aditi!

This chapter was so heart-breaking! I was so sad reading because it's just so twisted up and heart-wrenching. I can't imagine ever having to go through something like that, but I can imagine the way it would make me feel inadequate as a woman, and would put some strain on any relationship. I like the way you have charactrized Teddy as being so wonderful and understanding and loving. I'm sure that in his place lesser men might've crumbled, but he's always so steadfast. I just love him! This story makes me want a Teddy Lupin! (That could be the metamorphagus thing too though, because that would be awesome!)

I love the way you've gone into more depth with Fleur and Victoire, and the way you've added this extra facet to Dom when she's already so deep too. It really makes the story that much more relatable and that much more brilliant!

I also love the newest plot point. I was so shocked when I read it. I mean, I wondered vaguely in the first chapter is there was someone plotting against her. But at the time I thought it was whichever one of the werewovles from the pack she'd been interviewing that had been so difficult and made her wait around until the day of the full moon (I'm assuming this was the one who bit her) and I thought that was why she hadn't been able to get away, but knowing where you're taking this, (once again due to the fact that I'm in love with the story and have been re-reading it) just makes it all the more shocking and unsettling. It's so much more intriguing too, because at first the idea of the werewolf who bit her doing it made me think that the guy had a crush on her or was some sociopath, but knowing his reasons for doing it, well it just makes it that much more fantastic and upsetting and wonderful all at the same time!

I think the foundation of the plot that you lay down here is a really important one because of the way it leads to such an ugly human reaction. You really caught human nature as it can be at it's worst and brought it to life in this story, which is a really rare talent.

I mean, it's easy to write some fluffy piece and capture the loving side of humanity, but to be able to so effectively convey that darker side of the human psyche is a very rare gift and one that really sets this story apart. The fact that you've included werewolves too just makes it all that much more breath-taking.

I wish I'd known about this story before the Dobby's were done, because I'd have nominated you for pretty much everything! You've got such an amazing story built here and so much depth and human emotion mixed in with enough supernatural stuff to keep it interesting on the werewolf front.

I can't wait for a new update!


Author's Response: Hey!

I am pleased you found this chapter emotional as that was my aim. It is certainly a very painful and sad thing for someone to go through. I wish I had a Teddy in my life too - he is just so awesome xD

Your comments are so, so lovely; I am so happy that find my story relatable and like the way I've dealt with Fleur and Vic.

I enjoyed writing the newest plot point as well; I set it up from the first chapter when she couldn't apparate out of the cottage and the particular wolf came by her door, bit her, and then left her. So it was interesting to explore that further in this chapter.

Wow, so many awesome comments. I really, really don't know how to thank you for such kind words. Thank you so much! I am so glad you think I've caught the human nature well.

Omg you have totally made my week by saying you wanted to nominate my story for the Dobby's. You've no idea how much that means to me. Thank you a million times for such amazing comments! I love you!!

And yes, the newest chapter (Chapter 9) just got validated =)

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Review #11, by nott theodore It Is Time

8th November 2014:
Review tag!

I'm really glad to see this story back, and I would have come to review it anyway, but when I saw you in tag I couldn't resist - I'm so busy with NaNo and everything else going on right now that I had to give myself a proper excuse to get round to reviewing!

After that last cliffhanger that you left us on, with Teddy proposing to Dom and us not knowing her answer, I've been wondering what it was that she would say, and when I started this chapter my worst fears were kind of confirmed. Although at first I thought that the letter she was writing was one to break up with him or something, so at least this was an improvement on that!

I really liked the way that you started off with the letter, easing us back into the story almost - it was a really effective way of reminding me what had happened at the end of the last chapter without explicitly stating it.

My heart kind of sank when I found out that she'd run away from Teddy - after all he's done for her, and all that he's tried to be there, it was a really horrible thing to do. In a way, though, I can understand her reasoning; I think for Dom, at least, it does make sense that she doesn't feel ready to get married when she's still trying to come to terms with who she's become now that she's been bitten. It shows an awareness that you need more than just loving each other for marriage, which I think is quite mature of her, but the way that she handled it wasn't at all mature and I can't blame Teddy for being hurt and upset after all that they've been through together. He could so easily have given up earlier, a month ago when she was first bitten, but he didn't, and she owes him something for that.

I really like the way that you write Hermione, although in a way I'm a bit surprised to hear that the older generation - the parents and aunts and uncles - haven't heard what happened the night before. Even if Victoire tried to cover for her, I'd have thought they'd have tried to find out just what had been so important that Dom left without telling them. Nevertheless, it was great that Hermione came to remind her of the potion and take her to the safe house too, ready for her transformation. In some senses, I'd almost forgotten that she had that to go through as well, but I'm glad that her family were there for her. And the letter from her parents was really sweet, too.

The scene with Teddy was really well written, and as frustrating as it was to see them arguing like that and not taking the step back they need from the situation, I found it very realistic for what had happened. Teddy is understandably really hurt and upset after the way that Dominique rejected him, and the fact that he turned up there proved how much he cared - but of course Dom can't deal with that sort of judgement or discussion in her current state of mind and so she lashed out at him once more. I really hope that the two of them are going to be alright and that they can sort this out eventually!

And no, the ending is so scary and depressing. After going through everything else, you did a great job of reminding us that Dom still has to go through her transformation every month, and this is the first experience that she has of it, although at least it's less painful now.

This was a great chapter, and I hope you manage to update a bit more quickly next time! ;)

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hey Sian!

As always, it's a pleasure to read your reviews, and I'm glad you came by to check out this chapter. Thank you =)

Haha I am glad the cliffhanger got you thinking.

I felt like it'd be a fitting way to show what's on in Dom's head instead of just narrating it all out so I'm pleased you liked the letter thing.

Well yeah it was not a very nice thing to do, but Teddy caught Dom off-guard, she panicked, and as she reasons, she is just not ready for that kind of commitment at this moment. I do agree that she definitely didn't handle this maturely though. Poor Teddy.

I am glad you liked the way I write hermione, I am always so worried about writing her because she's a main canon character. Well, Dominique did leave suddenly and since she's been through so much lately, I'd say the elders would simply assume she'd want some space and the gathering was too much for her (as she has been so distant from them all this time), so they didn't question Vic when she told them that Dom was feeling sick and left.

Well the transformation is something that is inevitable, so Hermione would definitely take charge and prepare everything for Dom. I'm also glad you liked that letter because I didn't want the readers to forget that Dom's family still cares for her.

It's a relief to know you found the argument realistic as I was afraid it'd come across as forced. Yes, Teddy was very hurt and therefore he lashed out at Dom, but instead of trying to pacify him, Dom's temper flew out of control as well, especially with her being so moody before the transformation, and so she lashed back at him. Sometimes, the smallest of misunderstandings can bring gaps in the best of relationships.

It is definitely less painful, but it's in no way painless. And we'll be seeing more of the transformation and its aftermath in the next chapter.

I'll definitely try to update more quickly this time! Thank you once again for all your kind words!

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Review #12, by wolfgirl17 More Bad News

8th November 2014:
Hey Angie,

Sorry it took me so long, I was wandering around being grumptastic over RL and leaving reviews while I'm cranky makes people cry. So I waited until RL sorted it's issues out.

This chapter is so heart-wrenching! I'd never really considered the possibility in the past of the issues that would come with having a female werewolf suffering the curse the way it is in HPverse. You really got me thinking about it and I have a werewolf story with a female lead and I'd not once even considered the idea that it would mean she wouldn't be able to carry a child to term.

I know that according to JK via the Harry Potter Wiki, that it is possible for female werewolves to carry to term, however the only recorded incidence I read about was when a pair of werewolves did the deed while they were all wolfy. It's said that rather than children, she gave birth to a little of cubs and that they still live in the Forbidden Forest as wolves (unable to transform to human) but with near-human intelligence.

For this chapter I'd have liked to see Teddy being a little more involved. If I was given news like this, I'd want my boyfee there to love me through it and I think Teddy not being there for it to cuddle her is sad, though it does lay down the foundation for you later plot direction.

You left us with another cliffhanger too, so I was reaching for the 'Next Chapter' button like crazy, although at the time I thought you were going to take it in a different direction. I was totally expecting to flip chapters and have Dom learn that whilst being bitten, she'd also ended up pregnant to the man who bit her, and that she needed to make the decision about whether or not to keep the baby.

I was so sad when I read what they do instead. I just can't image the horror of losing so much of myself like that all because of someone else's cruelty and sociopathology. Your whole story is heart wrenching in that regard, but I absolutely love it!

I'm looking forward to reading more from you and I know this was supposed to be a short story you were doing, but I'd love to see where you take it (preferably in the direciton of more werewolf wonderfulness). In fact I'd love to see Dom going back to visit with the pack she'd been interviewing.

Also, I don't know why, but I can't shake the feeling that Dom's friend, the one who went to Italy. is she a Vampire?

Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself now. That's all for future chapters.

I love your characterization in this chapter, and the way you've pretty much put Dom through a word I'm not allowed to say in 12+ that rhymes with bell. You development of Victoire is interesting, and I like the way she'd always so cheery and upbeat, lending itself to the plot for later.

All in all, I loved it, as always. Sorry it took me a bit to get to. I'd love to see some new chapters being posted, especially now with the queue so short! Keep it up and keep requesting!

xx-Ellie =)

Author's Response: Hey Ellie!

Thank you once again for your review =)

I am glad I got you thinking about the possibilities of the female werewolf issues. I did some thinking and research on it before I decided on this course of action. I'm pleased it made sense.

I think Teddy knows Dominique and he knows she wouldn't want him at the moment, but rather be alone - because Dominique will just feel worse if Teddy'd be around knowing she can't give him children if they get married.

You know what? I did think of going in that direction; of Dominique being pregnant already (though from Teddy's child - not her attacker's - an unplanned and unexpected pregnancy) but then I decided not to because it might be too traumatic to Dominique and it'd waver me away from the plot I'm building and prolong all the pain.

But yeah, the procedure of having her ability to be conceived removed was nonetheless quite sad.

It's already been turned into a novella, and I'd say it's going to have 12-13 chapters at most; we're almost at the end with Chapter 9 (which recently got validated) =)

As for the friend, I'd say no. She's just a harmless friend haha =)

I am pleased you like my characterisation of Dom and Vic, and overall enjoying the story! Thanks!

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Review #13, by MargaretLane It Is Time

7th November 2014:
Yay, I'm delighted to see this back.

And I'd forgotten about Dominique turning down Teddy's proposal.

I like the way you start with her attempts at the letter before showing what she thinks. It sort of make it more real to see some examples of what she's writing.

Aw, I feel so sorry for her. She's under so much pressure, poor girl.

I also like the insight into what Teddy is feeling and how confused he is about how she feels about him. And I like the way they actually talk about it rather than second guessing each other.

This sentence sounds like little confused, "I don't want to marry you now doesn't mean that I never will." It might sound better if it said "SAYING I don't want to marry you now doesn't mean I never will" or "JUST BECAUSE I don't want to marry you now doesn't mean I never will."

I really hope Teddy comes around. She's been through a lot and it's hardly surprising if she doesn't react exactly as he might hope.

Poor Dominique - a row with her boyfriend and a transformation on the same day. In my stories, stress and upheaval before a transformation makes them worse. Hopefully, it's not the same for Dominique or she really will have an awful time.

Excellent chapter. Don't mind about the delay. Sometimes real life has to take priority and it sounds like you HAVE been busy. Sorry to hear about the writer's block. THAT is annoying.

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much for the review =)

Whoops, I totally get why you forgot - I haven't updated in forever! But I'll try to keep them more regular now!

I am pleased you liked the beginning with the letters.
And yeah she is under a lot of pressure.
I think since the story is from Dom's POV, it'd be hard to get Teddy's viewpoint across unless they actually talked about it so it's good to know you liked that.

Thanks for pointing out that wonky sentence. I'll go back and correct it =)

Yeah, Dom has been through a lot but so has Teddy so it might take him a little longer to get through it. Let's see what happens!

We're on the same track there; stress definitely makes the transformation worse. She does have the wolfsbane so it's going to tone it down but let's see how much.

I am so happy to know you think the chapter was excellent. Thank you!

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Review #14, by crestwood Dreading The Worst

7th November 2014:
Hi Aditi! Here from the review thread.

I've been meaning to start reading this story for a really long time, so I'm going to start today on my small break from NaNo. I've never known what this story was actually about before now. I've been intrigued by your forum sig for a really long time though. Now that I know it's a werewolf story, I am really excited. Especially because it's Next-Gen and set in a world in which Hermione has worked for werewolf rights.

You've done an excellent job of setting the mood and giving us a bit of characterization here. You've jumped right into the main plot, which I can appreciate. I can imagine that this will be extremely well written based on this chapter. I thought your descriptions were great in particular. You didn't just tell us to be scared, you made us scared and that makes all the difference in horror stories. I think you've got this genre pretty much perfected. I can't wait until I can continue on reading this story!

- Joey

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing =)
I'm pleased you were intrigued by my sig (yay) and that you finally got the chance to read this. I'm pleased you like the set up =)

Thank you for your lovely comments. The genre is not exactly Horror/Dark, it was only so for the first chapter, but nonetheless I'm happy you enjoyed the whole mood. Thank you!

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Review #15, by wolfgirl17 Reflecting and Brooding

5th November 2014:
Hey Angie!

I really enjoyed the flashback you did in this chapter. I was wondering before reading it how it had come to be that Dom and Teddy were together instead of Vikki and Teddy, so it cleared things up nicely.

Your characterization is growing in this one and I like the way you hint in this chapter at what an awful person Delilah Jones is. I would be appalled if my boss wanted to take advantage of me getting sick like that.

Your cliffhanger is good too. It definitley left me reaching for the 'Next' button as fast as I could to make sure he wasn't going to break up with her or something. Overall, this is somewhat of a plot building, filler type chapter, simply because it's more of an internal monologue to explain things so far and to lay further foundations for what is to come.

Every story needs them and there are few who can write them and still have the chapter seem exciting and important. Kudos for that. Obviously there is a little less werewolf fuss in this chapter, much to my dismay, but I know it picks up again. I'm really looking forward to a chapter when she actually turns. That's going to be fun to read, so I hope you're planning on writing one!

Keep up the great work. I favorited this story because it's so brilliant and wonderful and fantastic. Do request more reviews if you want them and I'm not just boring you to tears now. I've been planning out my story for your Vampire Challenge too, so hopefully I'll have it through the queue to submit to you soon!

xx-Ellie (Wolfgirl17)

Author's Response: Hey!

Indeed, this was mostly a filler chapter, just giving some more background to the story and story. I am glad you liked it nonetheless.

I am pleased you liked the cliffhanger.

Haha, the werewolf stuff is definitely coming back. And as for the transformation, keep an eye out for future chapters ;)

Your review, as always, made me smile. Thank you so much for all your kind words.


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Review #16, by wolfgirl17 The Worst Had Happened

4th November 2014:
Hello again.

As you can no doubt tell from the subject matter alone, I love this story, and this chapter is wonderful. I like the way you've portrayed Dom's reaction to waking up after the attack and learning that she is a werewolf.

Of course it's not the route all of us would take *clears throat pointedly whilst peering around in the hopes of spotting a werewolf looking for a wolfy friend* But given the way Werewolfism is portrayed in Cannon, it's perfectly understandable for Dom to completely freak out over the whole ordeal, not to mention that the pain and stress of the attack would be very traumatic.

It makes me sad that she pushed Teddy away when he is clearly trying to help her, and I was surprised by the way Fleur ran out crying (I've actually read all your chapters so far but wanted to wait for the requests to avoid the rather unprofessional and entirely unflattering howls of depressedness that resulted when I found that you hadn't finished this yet) So I do know of course that there is more reason to her reaction than just being upset over a daughter with a werewolf curse.

You know what might be cool though, Teddy, being a Metamorphagus, could totally turn into a wolf along with her on the full moon and then would be safe and Dom wouldn't have to be lonely. I wonder why Tonks never thought of that with Remus, seeing as Animal transformation seem included? Doesn't she make a pig nose in OotP?

But I'm getting off topic here because I'm far too involved in the story thanks to your lovely characterisation and plot weaving and wonderful writing style! You came here for a coherent and useful review, not mindless rambling about werewolves.

Where was I? . Oh, yes, now then. The Important stuff.

As I suspected you would, you've continued to characterize Dom wonderfully, and I liked the way you introduce Teddy as being so caring and loving and supportive. Bill was great too, I've always imagined him as being the strong, supportive and understated rock of the family, much like Mr Weasley before him.

Your plot is good, you've opened it up for exciting things to come with a little bit of drama thrown in to lure us into finding out how Teddy reacts to her outburst.

I keep scrolling back up thinking there must be something I can possibly find to offer some concrit on so you don't feel so cheated with such a gushing review, but I just can't find anything that could be improved in anyway without detracting from the awesomeness you've already created!

I even took the time to read earlier and then came back to re-read in an attempt of offering levelheaded advice, but it's like werewolf drool just pours out of my mouth with how much I love this story!

You simply must keep requesting. I want to offer freebies, but I know they're just going to be incoherent at this point. Maybe I need food.

Anyway. I loved it (if you couldn't already tell) and I can't wait to read it all over again! Keep it up. A new chapter would most certainly result in slavering drivel where I would no doubt profess my undying love for you and your story!

xx-Wolfgirl17. =)

Author's Response: Heyyy!!

Wow you read all the chapters? Haha that's awesome, thank you so much!!

You don't know just how incredibly happy your reviews are making me so keep going xD

Well, unfortunately (or fortunately :P) Dominique is not like us fans and doesn't like the idea of turning into a werewolf. Thus her crazy reaction. At this point, she's so much in shock, she's just going to get distant from everyone.

Haha actually I don't think metamorphmaguses can completely transform into a different being - I think it's only part of their features; and that too on the outside. That is, they can't turn into a wolf because that would mean a change of internal organs as well - they're not like Animagi. At least that's my theory!

I am pleased you like the plot and the drama so far. I will definitely re-request! Your reviews make me grin so big xD

Thank you!!

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Review #17, by wolfgirl17 Dreading The Worst

4th November 2014:
Hello Again Deary!

You've found my weakness. I am absolutely obsessed with werewolves! How did you know?

As such, I positively love the story. It's fantastic and wonderful and oh my gosh I must read MORE!!! And now look what you've done, gone and woken the werewolf fangirl I had so successfully managed to chain up!

I love it, honesty. Your characterization of Dom in this chapter is good. I can totally relate to her fear and her worry about being bitten and how much she would stand to lose when afflicted by the curse. I can relate to the idea of her developing the fear in spite of the leaps forward that the Wizarding world has made, not to mention her frustration and perplexity at being stuck there on the full moon.

I really like the way you've laid the foundations for the story in this chapter too, while managing to make it interesting and exciting. I know I sometimes struggle with getting the foundations laid without making it boring, so kudos for nailing that =)

The plot is exciting too, because WEREWOLVES! And normally I'm not much of a fan of Dom, but I think you might just be able to win me over to her. YAY!

I'm afraid this review might not be all that useful to you really. I like it too much to even find a single thing wrong with it.

I'm assuming of course that you will continue to develop her character and introduce plot points to move the story along, and of course you've suckered us into the story with that lovely cliffhanger. I have to say I'm glad you requested whilst having a few chapters published already or I'd be on tenterhooks wanting to know what's going to happen next, and then I'd be one of those terrible naggers who constantly beg for more even when it's usually the queue holding up the progress of the tale.

I love it and I'm looking forward to reading more! Keep up the absolutely fantastic work!!
*does spazzy dance with excitement to read next chapters*

Love your work!


Author's Response: Hey there =)

Omg your review has made me super happy!! Thank you so much for your lovely words. To be honest, we all like those reviews that are all about happy stuff and don't point out wrong from time to time, don't we? haha xD

I am glad you like Dom's characterisation so far even fi you're not much of a fan! We'll definitely see more of her reactions and feelings and thoughts as the story progresses.

The plot largely deals with her issues on thinking of herself as a 'monster' so it's kinda a different take on the usual action-y stuff but I still hope you like it!

I am definitely eager to know what you think of the rest of the story so I'm rushing to re-request now!

Thanks again for the awesome review =)

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Review #18, by Rumpelstiltskin Reflecting and Brooding

19th July 2014:
Hey Aditi, I'm here for the July Review Exchange.

With all of the disaster that is in her life at the moment, what with recently becoming a werewolf, at least Dom is has some insight about werewolves and what struggles she is going to face (especially in society). Due to her research, in the very least, she won't be left in the dark.

The flashback was absolutely adorable, but somehow almost tauntingly pleasant in the wake of all of the darkness surrounding Dom at the moment. Understandably, Dom would've had some hesitation over dating her sister's ex, but I'm glad that Victoire ultimately gave her blessing to date Teddy. It emphasized the bond between the two sisters, as well as the essence of having long since moved on over an old relationship.

Unfortunately, with all of the things that Dom had said to Teddy (revelations about his father, and pretty much saying outright that she didn't want him around her at the moment), she's already begun to push the people closest to her away. Hopefully Teddy will understand that her harsh words came from a place of extreme duress, and not really from her heart.

While using her condition to fuel her research/articles on werewolves, it's understandable that she'd be hesitant to do so. While the treatment of werewolves have improved over the years, there is sure to be some prejudice festering about somewhere. That boss of hers, Delilah, seems a little two-faced to me (which I find fantastically entertaining in a character). It really seems like she's trying to exploit Dom's condition, milking it for all it's worth.

Naturally, Dom is feeling some resentment over the scar that's really never going to go away. It's a natural reaction for somebody, I'd say, as that's probably all she can see in herself at the moment. I'm really quite excited that Teddy has shown up, though I am mildly concerned that he's frowning. I wonder what's wrong!!

Fantastic chapter (it really has been way too long since I've read this).


Author's Response: Hey Rumpel! Thanks for reading and reviewing! I am glad you are liking the story, and that you liked the chapter.

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Review #19, by patronus_charm Meetings and more.

28th May 2014:
Hi Aditi! Here for the review exchange and I apologise in advance for any typos or things which don't make sense as this is being written on my phone!

I really liked the beginning section and I thought you handled the revelations about Delilah really well. It just how strong Dom and Teddy are as a couple and made me like them even more so. Also the use of italics was really good too, to emphasise the importance of certain things and it stayed in my mind for a lot longer.

Ha, the section with Wilson Young was almost funny. I was expecting some sort of maverick man waving his wand at them, as he seemed like a recluse and mad too but I was happy to see it was the opposite instead. I wouldn't go as far as to say he was nice as he did accept Delilah's bribe but he did defy expectations. Then he was quite sweet with how he offered to look after Dom at the next full moon.

Hmm, this confirmed all what Delilah had been up to though and I can't help but wonder why she would do this. At the moment it might be that either her parents had a fight with Fleur over her beauty or she has some death eater connection but neither one of them seem to work in my head really. Oh well, it will be interesting to see what you come up with!

Ooh I loved how cool and confident Dom was when she went to work it fitted with her character really well and it was great to see what inner strength she had too. I'm looking forwar to seeing more of Julia too, as this will be a friend for her which isn't a relative or her boyfriend so the dynamic will be different which will be cool. Finally, that was such a great cliffhanger to leave it on though I'm currently wondering whether someone has just stitched her up and it's someone else who has done this to Dom

Great chapter Aditi!


Author's Response: Hey Kiana.

Apologies for such a late response. I am glad you liked the whole revelations about Delilah and how the story unfolded.

Wilson Young is more of a 'lost cause' kind of man, far from a maniac haha.

As for Delilah's motives, we'll know about them soon.

I'm glad you're liking this over all. Thank you!

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Review #20, by Pixileanin Reflecting and Brooding

25th April 2014:
Hello! I'm back for another chapter! Dominique has a lot of worry surrounding everything. She seems like the eternal pessimist, and is prone to overreacting. Of course, having your boyfriend be your sister's ex could complicate things. I thought you used the flashback very well to move the story forward and shed some light on her relationship with her sister and with Teddy. Very effective!

On one hand, I like that this Jones lady is offering Dominique some semblance of normalcy to come back to. It puts her condition in a different perspective and she's paving the way for Dom to accept what has happened to her and possibly do some good about it. On the other hand, she seems a bit flippant about the situation, and not at all sympathetic. She's jumping right into the thick of things, when Dom is obviously not able to handle the thought of exposing herself so quickly. Fishy, the way that Jones is fixated on the notes and the article. Though it does give Dominique something to focus on other than her own self pity.

I don't know what's going on with Teddy. It might have something to do with not answering his owls, but I think it's probably something different. I don't know. But I do know how to find out... I'll be back later.

Author's Response: Hello again =) Yes she indeed has a lot of worrying going on. I am glad you liked the flashback too.

Delilah Jones is definitely not your average boss xP Fishy isn't it? We'll see more of her later.

I am glad you're liking the story. Thanks for all the lovely reviews! Apologies for the late response!

Thank you =)

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Review #21, by Pixileanin The Worst Had Happened

25th April 2014:
I really like it when chapters start of with a nightmare. I don't know. It just sets the mood, and to have it come on the heels of the first chapter, where we know that she lived through this exact thing, it seemed very fitting. Nice descriptives, again. Not too heavy, and not flowery, but the setting is solid and visible.

Your choice to have Dominique wake up and be unable to move put this whole scene at a high drama level. You did a great job of incorporating that into the scene, allowing her to struggle physically, and emotionally with the things that are beyond her control.

It was interesting to me that the pain went away as she regained consciousness. I suppose those were some great potions the Healer had. I also loved the way you let us sense who else was in the room with Dom. That was particularly well-done, with her discovering through sound, and who was holding her hand. Nice.

One thing that stuck out to me was how calm she was when she came out of the dream. I would have expected the panic to bleed over into the scene as she came around, but that didn't happen. It made me wonder why Dominique wanted to reassure everyone right away that she was fine. Does she have a need to not let people worry over her? Was she pushing the reality away so hard that she had to make everyone else believe that nothing had happened? I can understand that, though. If it was that horrifying, and she's not ready to face it, there's a lot of strength in believing that it never happened.

Okay, I see what you did there. She insists that she's fine, and then at the end of the scene, she knows she's not. It made for a big switch in her emotional state, very dramatic turn. I found it very realistic that Dominique had to tell Teddy how "not fine" she really was, and bring up sore points with him that he may or may not have heard about his family. I thought it fit in well to bring up Teddy's father, and highlight some of the details that the family may have overlooked. It sounds like those were either fresh discoveries for her, or that they were the reason that she feared werewolves so much.

Dominique is so inconsolable, and I hate the way everyone leaves the room with her in this state, but I guess they realize that they're not going to get through to her so quickly.

How do you live, when your life as you know it is over? I guess that's what the story is going to explore. I like that you chose this way to portray a transformation. It looks like it's going to be a very personal journey.

Author's Response: Thank you again for reading and reviewing!

I am glad you liked how this started off with a nightmare =) I love those too. It's a relief you're liking the descriptions so far as well.

Dominique is the kind of person who'll want her loved ones not to worry - and moreover she was in a denial kind of phase where she believed she was fine and it was just a dream.

I am pleased you liked the transition to her outburst in the end though, and the whole talk with Teddy.

Yes everyone knows Dominique and they know she's best left alone in such situations.

It is surely a personal journey and I am pleased you're intrigued by it.

Thank you once again!

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Review #22, by Pixileanin Dreading The Worst

25th April 2014:
Hey, it's me from the TGS Review Exchange! I'm not late, am I?

Wow. Okay, loads of imagery start this off, with the stormy night and the slipping and running and the red hair. Very lovely. I get a clear picture of the setting in my head in the first paragraph. It makes me question why she's there, and why she's so afraid. But you don't keep us in the dark for long.

Okay, so Dominique is a journalist, and she forgets about the full moon. This does not bode well for her. How could she have simply forgotten? Or maybe she was more concerned about the deadline for the article than the actual safety of her own person. I hear that journalists can have a single-minded tunnel vision about such things. You did say that she was very careful with her notebook, and that the interviewer was very reluctant, so I suppose she would be concentrating more on that than anything else.

It's a good thing she got that owl.

I think that regardless of her House, she'd be scared out of her pants by the notion of being in the woods with a pack of werewolves about to transform. If you're not scared by the thought of that, it's not bravery, it's stupidity. Run, woman! Run! But she can't. She's stuck there, without being able to apparate. Oh no!

It was like one of those horror movies, where the main character is left with no choice but the worst one, and so we have to watch them step right into the badness. Well-played, here.

It was not boring in the least, this introductory chapter. I think you kept the tension high, and the fear factor in front of the reader the whole time. Dominique didn't have time to really think over why she couldn't apparate inside the cottage, and I'm glad you didn't get into that, because it would have disrupted the action. But I am insanely curious about it. Something went wrong that she didn't expect, and I want to know what was behind it.

Lovely writing! I'm off to the next chapter.

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing! Apologies for the late response.

I am glad you liked the imagery and stuff in the beginning.

Being a journalist-in-the-making myself, I can tell you we journalists tend to get distracted a lot ;) Our only focus is to get the interview, to write that article, forgetting track of time xP

Haha I love the way you're reviewing this - it's like I'm getting a commentary of the story as it goes and it's fun to read it from someone else's POV xD

I'm glad you liked how the whole moment played out with her not having any choice but to step out, as I enjoyed writing that.

We'll be getting into the whys and hows in the next couple of chapters, yes.

Thanks again!

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Review #23, by LavenderBlue Decisions and Discoveries

23rd April 2014:
Hello! LavenderBlue here with your requested review.

I love a good NextGen fic, and your story is no exception! I was especially eager to read a story centering around Dominque. I think she so often gets overlooked, and yet there's a wealth of potential for her character, much of which you've tapped into. :] Below, you'll find my thoughts on the first five chapters.

Plot. You start out with a FANTASTIC hook. Lycanthropy is such a multifaceted, emotion-packed subject, and it has special relevance to Dominique since, as you point out, both her father and boyfriend were in some way affected by it. Dom's inability to conceive is also a compelling plot point, but the most stunning of all is the apparent conspiracy by the Daily Prophet and Delilah to intentionally turn Dom into a werewolf. (!!!) All of these factors make for a solid plot structure. My only concern is that sometimes the plot gets bogged down by too much dialogue, which I'll address in the next paragraph.

Dialogue. In these first five chapters, I've noticed a tendency for your characters to "overtalk." There were several instances--especially Dom and Teddy's conversations--where your characters' lines didn't ring true or felt like an info dump, rather than an actual conversation. For example, in Chapter 3's flashback, Teddy, Dom, and Victoire talk through a potential relationship between Teddy and Dom in exhaustive detail--but much of this detail isn't necessary. All you need to convey is that Victoire is at peace with Teddy and Dom dating. I think that passage would benefit from cutting a lot of dialogue and replacing it with some more subtle, nuanced lines.

On a similar note, there are several times where relationship conflict seems to be too easily resolved. Twice now, Dom and Teddy have been embroiled in a heated (and legitimate!) argument, only for them to exchange apologizes and be completely at peace again. This struck me as unrealistic. Dom and Teddy can, of course, resolve their conflicts. That's what healthy couples do! But even the healthiest couples can still hold grudges or deal with unresolved issues. I think the story might benefit from you giving Dom and Teddy some more longterm issues (other than Dom's inability to conceive) that they have to grapple with over the course of more than just a chapter.

Characterization. I really like the way you portray Delilah. She's so attentive and sweet on the outside, and yet her words and actions are total poison. She reminds me strongly of Dolores Umbridge. Even though I didn't like Delilah from the outset, however, I was still surprised to find that she paid off a werewolf to bite Dom. And that's a good sign that you've developed your villain well but still retain the element of surprise! I also like how you portray the quiet jealousy Dom has developed toward Victoire. It's clear that the sisters love each other, but of course Dom is upset that Victoire will have a life that she can now never obtain. :(

Overall, I think Dom's portrayal is strong. You've given her goals (an eventual family, respect in her career) and you've given her obstacles to overcome (lycanthropy!). That's a great start. I'm most concerned about your characterization of Teddy. Right now, he's reading like a stock character to me. I don't see any personality coming through other than the perfect, supportive boyfriend. I'd suggest spending more time fleshing out Teddy's character and giving him more visible interests and flaws.

Prose/Grammar. Overall, I think you're good here. My only big red flag when reading through your prose is that you tend to overuse ellipses. A "..." placed in the right spot can be extremely powerful. But when you use them, they tend to lose their meaning. I'd suggest going through the story and evaluating whether each ellipsis is really necessary or not.

That's it from me! I had a great time reading this far, and I think you're off to a wonderful start. Very best wishes as you continue to write!

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you for such a detailed review, and apologies for not responding sooner!

I am glad you like the plot over all, I put a lot of thought and effort into it, so it's good to know it makes sense =)

I do have issues with dialogue (in all my stories) so I'll try to work on that and tone it down for future chapters, and when I come back to edit. I'll also try to work around Dom and Teddy's resolutions and see what I can do. Thanks for the tips!

I am pleased you like Delilah's characterisation and call her a 'good villain', that's a big compliment so thank you. I'll try to flesh out Teddy more and see what I can do.

Ellipsis are the bane of my existence, haha. I'll go back and look at them when I get the time.

Thank you so much once again for your encouraging words and helpful comments!

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Review #24, by lindslo2012 Decisions and Discoveries

17th April 2014:
Hey there!
Here for another requested review!
WOW. That was an intense chapter..
I am so sad for Dom because she doesn't have the chance to be able to conceive on her own anymore... that hits me close to the heart since I have had fertility problems. poor Dom...
I am so happy though that she has a great boyfriend who is always seemingly there for her and that will do anything to keep her happy. I am glad that Teddy is who he is because if he was someone else he may not understand all what Dom is going through. His own father was a werewold after all so that must help. Dom is with a good guy.
I am very curious to know what happens next!
I hope that they find out the cause of the biting and who did this to her and ect.
I hate to see her go through all of this as I've said before.. I can't imagine being able to look at my sister and see how much more she has than me... that must be hard.
GREAT JOB! Once again your story is going amazingly and I have loved every moment of reading it so far!
Please re-request for more. I wish I could write as well as you :)

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, apologies for not replying sooner!

I am glad you liked the chapter over all with its intensity, and could feel for Dom. Thank you!

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Review #25, by TidalDragon At The Burrow

16th April 2014:
You had to make the cliffhanger in the proposal didn't you?! Well it's certainly a good spot, if a bit frustrating. I only hope that Dominique won't be retreating back into the self-pity and insistence that she would only hurt Teddy's life that she seemed to have abandoned some time ago.

As far as the story as a whole goes, I thought it started out incredibly strong. You used very good descriptions and imagery to set up and begin telling a unique story. The plot was logical, largely flowed well, and I thought other than the few comments I made about characterization everyone was believable within the story.

The biggest thing that perplexed me throughout though was what changed from the early chapters to the later ones. As I mentioned above I thought you started off very strongly, but as things got more complex with more characters and more storylines, you seemed to let the dialogue overtake you and some of the things that made the beginning so strong and stood out as being excellently written seemed to fall by the wayside a bit in service of conversation and pushing the plot forward. If you do decide to go back and make any edits, or even as you continue to work forward, I'd look back at those early chapters and try to draw some inspiration from the style and type of writing you were doing then, and weave it in with what you're doing now. The fusion would be more effective than either in isolation in my opinion.

All in all though you've done good work with an intriguing plot, characters with little canon to serve as background, and a very difficult situation and its myriad complications.

I wish you the best going forward and I hope my reviews helped. Please PM me if you have questions!

Author's Response: No worries, Dominique is not retreating into self-pity... but it's just that she's at a point in her life when she is not ready for something like marriage, plus she cares about Teddy and she'd rather not see him "childless" for the rest of his life. More on that in the next chapter of course =)

I am pleased over all you feel like the story started strong, that the plot is logical, and characters more or less believable.

I'll try to follow your advice and weave in more description and emotion in the story as it moves on, and when I come back to edit.

Thank you so much for all your lovely reviews. They've given me some valuable feedback. Apologies for the delay in responding.

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