Reading Reviews for Come with Me
  
41 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TheGirlOnFire Come with me

15th March 2014:
Hello, this is for the blackout bingo 1/20 :).

I liked reading this. It was so beautifully put together. The emotion the torment. I loved every bit of it. I likes seeing another side of Draco that could have been. The side that he may have given into had he really had Catherine. I thought the sense where Draco told the story of how Catherine died was very lovely. I felt myself sympathising with him, I felt myself wondering whether must be feeling. I piled the beginning, the mystery the surprise and the sadness in Draco. For the first time ever I wanted to cry for him. I've always felt sorry for him never have I wanted to cry for him. Never have I wanted to hug him and tell him that it will get better. Truly, this was great. Another thing, I love the build up to the inevitable end, him following her like he always has. A great way to end a great short story.

TheGirlOnFirexx

Author's Response: Hey there! Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing! Sorry for such a late response!

I am pleased you liked this with all the torment and the emotion etc. I also enjoyed exploring a what-if side of Draco and I am pleased you liked it too. It's good to know that you could sympathise with him and felt for him. *conveys your hug to my Draco* I am glad you liked it with the ending too, thanks again!


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Review #2, by BrunetteSlytherin Come with me

30th October 2013:
Beautifully written. I hope to read more of your work! A novel? Maybe? If you write one ill be reading it!

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you for reading and reviewing. I am glad you liked it. I am currently working on a Novella called "The Worst" so feel free to check it out =) (Though it's nothing like this).

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Review #3, by Lostmyheart Come with me

25th October 2013:
The more I read the more my heart ached, it's a very sad story but so beautifully written. It's truly breathtaking to read, how the memories flashes before him and how you described them. You're very talented :) 10/10

Author's Response: Hi, thanks for reading and reviewing. I am glad that you found this beautifully written and that you could feel the emotions in the story. Thanks for your compliments, I feel flattered!

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Review #4, by Enitsirk Come with me

4th October 2013:
This was an interestingly sad story. I enjoyed it!

Author's Response: I am glad you liked it, thanks for reading and reviewing.

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Review #5, by ravinamalfoyblack Come with me

30th September 2013:
wow wow wow, i initially read this as part of a review tag thing on the hpff forum, but BOY and i glad that i did. I don't always find a one shot story on hpff that i like, because i prefer the novella ones, but this was so good, it was so simple but it conveyed such a great story. Like the initially setting didn't even need to change but you had a huge story portrayed. You're an excellent writer, and this really was a unique and moving story. If you ever get he chance please read my story "swimming against the tide" its probably so bad in comparison to this and im kind embarrassed to suggest it to you, but id LOVE your comments :) keep writing ^_^ x

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for reading and reviewing. I am pleased you liked this one-shot, and that you found it unique and moving. I'll surely check out your story when I get the time =) Thank you so much for your kind words.

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Review #6, by navyfail Come with me

29th July 2013:
Yikes Draco! The ending was intense and important. I think I expected it to happen since in his head he could hear,"Come with me," multiple times. That kind of foreshadows it.

I do like this one-shot. You explored into Draco. Even though we don't know much about the OC like her last name and how they met, I like her and she is a crucial part to this story. One part I enjoyed was the swing part. It flowed into him going back and forth on the chair. Very rhythmic. Another part I liked was the part with her death. You explained it to us what caused it and set up that scene nicely.

My favorite lines would have to be, "Yet, a pain like this, it is worse than any he has ever experienced before. He wants it to stop." The comparison of the pain he felt and the pain he was feeling now was a great touch. It shows how no matter what happens you'll never be ready for pain.

Great one-shot. I enjoyed reading it.
~Sama
(from the review tag)

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing.

I am glad you liked the ending and the way I foreshadowed it.

Its good to know you liked the way I explored into Draco. Yeah, Catherine was an important element in the story, though more symbolic than surreal. I am glad you liked the swing part, and her death, thanks.

I am pleased that you liked the comparison of the past pain and present pain. Indeed, one is never ready for pain.

Thanks so much!


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Review #7, by LilyEPotter Come with me

30th May 2013:
Review Tag!

It is easy to see how much Draco cares for Catherine in this story.

There is only one major item that I could see. You have both present tense and past tense which disrupts the story's flow a little bit.

The story is very moving as it depicts Draco's decline following the death of Catherine after the Battle of Hogwarts.

Good story!

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing.

I am glad you could see Draco's care for Catherine.

Well, it was a style of incorporating the flashbacks into present but I'll see what I can do.

Thanks for your lovely review!


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Review #8, by ShadowRose Come with me

19th May 2013:
Tag! I've heard this on HPPC, naturally I had to come review it on the archives too, because your writing style is just too pretty to pass up. :)

Oh my gosh, this is one of the most heart-wrenching stories. Draco's sadness is so tangible, and there's a whole lot of emotion communicated in such a short span of time.

I do want to add, thanks to listening to this on Harry Potter Podcast, I totally hear Julia's voice while reading this.

I love how you utilized your given title, "Come with Me" throughout the story, as it really tied everything together. The way you alternate between Catherine telling Draco to "Come with me" and Draco hearing the same words within his own mind shows how fully Catherine has infiltrated his mind, to the point that he hears her in everything.

I also think you utilized your "single spell" extremely well. I think the parallel between the spell killing Catherine and what he plans to do work excellently, and it really shows how attached Draco was to Catherine.

The description in this is gorgeous. It's sparse (which it really has to be, given the length), but really rich too. For example:

"His insides cringe as the words echo in his head. He stares into the darkness, hoping for it to swallow him. He wants to drown in it, to bury deep under it."

This is so effective, and really kind of gives off that hopelessness that Draco is feeling.

"Flashes of his father's blows flicker in front of his eyes. He thinks he should have been used to pain by now."

I've always felt like Lucius would be an abusive father, and you manage to throw that in there very succinctly, and it really shows that Draco already knows suffering, and that this is just so much worse.

"She has always called out to him. She has always led him down the right path. She has always shown him the best for him, and today she is showing him a way out of his anguish and guilt."

Wow, Another really deep and impactful line. It shows how much of an influence she has had on him, and how it has really changed him for the better, but now he feels empty without it. It pairs perfectly with the "Come with me"s, because now the line becomes so much more literal as she actually wants him to join him.

Speaking of which, Catherine is so realistic, that at times I almost feel like she is in the room with Draco, personified as a ghost.

Your flashbacks are so excellently placed. I feel like flashbacks can easily end up making the story disjointed, but in your case, it actually adds to the flow of the story, which I absolutely love. In one-shots especially, flashbacks are so important in order to establish a backstory, since your word count is so constricted.

I really can't find anything to CC on. I thought it flowed nicely and really gave off some strong emotions.

Overall, I thought this was absolutely gorgeous and I loved being able to both listen to and read it! Keep up the good work!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you for this amazing review! Apologies for the delay in responding!

Aw, my writing style is pretty? thanks!

I am glad that you felt that the emotion was communicated well as that was my aim.

Haha Julia's voice is awesome.

I contemplated long and hard on how to incorporate "Come with me" and when it hit me I felt it was such a brilliant idea that I couldn't pass it up, so its great to know you liked it.

I always found Avada Kedavra to be a cruel curse and wanted to show its implications specifically and this provided me with the chance so I am pleased you liked how I did it!

OMG you've made my day by quoting me the descriptive parts. I love when people quote in reviews, thank you!

I am flattered that the hopelessness Draco felt came through my words. I always felt that Lucius would be an abusive father too so I included that small detail. It definitely makes it worse, yeah.

I had to express Catherine's influence on Draco's life in very few words in this one-shot so I tried my best, and it's great to see that you think I did it well with that sentence there. Also, I am glad you found it to go well with "come with me"s.

Catherine is realistic? That's the biggest compliment ever, thank you!

I was worried too that the flashbacks will disrupt the flow but I am so relieved to hear that you think they added to the story flow here. Indeed, they're important.

Thank you so much for all your lovely comments. I am pleased that you found it to flow nicely and liked the emotional intensity. I love podcasts too, they really bring a story to life!

Once again, a BIG THANK YOU!!


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Review #9, by GingeredTea Come with me

4th May 2013:
This was a really poignant one-shot and your choice of perspective and descriptive style was beautifully chosen. Wonderful. A great story and an awesome interpretation to "come with me" as a challenge.

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing. I am glad you liked this one-shot as it was something new that I attempted. Thank you for your lovely comments!

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Review #10, by Illuminate Come with me

3rd May 2013:
Hi! Review Tag!

Wow, this is super difficult to read. Not in a bad way! This is brilliantly written, and his pain is so raw and brutal that it's almost impossible to not feel what he's feeling.

You can even feel his horror as he relives her death, and his desperation as he takes the ultimate sacrifice. You write this very very well, and for a few minutes while reading this you drop straight into Draco's head xD

If I were to suggest anything, it would be to maybe draw out his reasoning of whether or not to, uh, bump himself off. It seems to happen a tiny bit too quickly to me. That's all :)

Great job!

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing.

I am pleased you found this well-written and could feel what Draco was feeling.

Its great to know that you think I captured his emotions well, and that you could connect with Draco.

I wanted to present it as a spur-of-the-moment decision, but if I ever edit, I'll take your suggestion into account. Thank you!


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Review #11, by HandofGlory Come with me

2nd May 2013:
Review tag!

Wow, this was a dark story for Draco Malfoy.

Avada Kedavra is truly a dark spell, and now Draco finally realizes what it is capable of, physically and emotionally. Although I find it weird that it was Catherine's death that shook him up so much, and not his father's implied death that did. Maybe it was because she showed more sympathy to him?

You did a very good job of using the title throughout the whole story without it seeming cliche. It was a well thought out theme with the story.

Good Job

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing.

This was the first time I attempted such a dark piece so I am glad you liked it.

Yes Avada Kedavra is truly a dark spell and its darkness is often ignored so I wanted to explore it further. I also implied somewhere in the story that Draco and his father didn't share great relations, Draco was subjected to child abuse by him, while Catherine always helped him, healed him, which is why it was Catherine's death that shook him so much and not his father's. Of course he was upset by his father's death too but Catherine dying really hit him hard.

I am pleased you liked the whole use of the title and it wasn't cliche. I put in a lot of thought into the theme, so thank you!


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Review #12, by slytherinchica08 Come with me

1st May 2013:
Oh wow! This was just wonderful! I loved the way you tied in the title and really made it the center piece so to speak of the story. It was such an interesting read, and while it was dark, it was also so good! I loved it! I wanted to know more, more about them, and him, and how they had come to know each other but the little snippets we did see were great! I loved that she gave her life for his and helped him see the light. But most of all the usage of your title really made this stand out and I felt like it was just perfect! It was fun to read Draco like this, so in love with someone and idk it was just different, but a good different! The ending was so beautifully sad and just great! I very much enjoyed this oneshot! Great Job! Thank you for entering my challenge!

~Slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing.

I am glad you liked it, and that you found this well-tied with the title. I had never attempted such a fic before so I am pleased that you found this interesting, dark, and good. Its good to know that you liked the concept of her giving her life for him, and helping him. I am so happy that you liked the usage of the title. Yeah it was different, it was AU, but I am glad you enjoyed it. I decided on the ending after a lot of contemplating so its good to know you liked it too. Thanks a lot! And it was great to be a part of your challenge. I hope to know of the results soon.

Cheers!


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Review #13, by 800 words of heaven Come with me

26th April 2013:
REVIEW TAG!

You've reviewed so much of my stuff, and I've hardly reviewed anything of yours! And I wish to have reviewed more, because your stories are always really engaging.

This isn't really my thing, but I'm a sucker for Draco fics. His characterisation is not canon, obviously, but it still seems realistic. Knowing what we know of him, if he ever did love like that, his actions here seem believable.

I was wondering about your choice of Death Eater in this. I thought someone like Bellatrix Lestrange would be more fitting, simply because it would be a double betrayal and all, considering he's her nephew and everything. Why did you choose Rodolphous Lestrange, especially because we know so little about him?

The ending was really sad, but also very moving and emotional. I think you handled it really well, in a touching and poignant manner.

Do you have plans to write other stuff like this in the future?

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing.

I am pleased you find my stories engaging, thanks. Well, the story was AU so of course he wasn't really canon but I am glad it seemed realistic to you anyway. Yes indeed, I've always thought that if Draco loved like that, he'd be too much of a coward to live without his love.

Well, I chose Rodolphus Lestrange on pure impulse. I just didn't choose a famous death eater like Bellatrix because I am not sure if it would have been easy for Draco to kill her in rage immediately after Catherine's death.

Its good to know that you think I handled the ending well, with it being all sad and emotional and touching.

Thanks again for reading & reviewing. I am not sure if I will write something like this in the future yet. Depends on whether I get hit by inspiration or not! Currently, I am focusing on my short story though.


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Review #14, by ChaosWednesday Come with me

23rd April 2013:
hey, it Whiskey from Review Tag!

Well, I love me some dark angsty stuff, so this was right up my alley :) To my enjoyment, it was also wonderfully written and structured!

I thoroughly enjoyed the connection you made between the rocking chair and the memory of the swing. Then, immediately, the words "Come with me" took on a new meaning, simply through the visuals you created of him rocking back and forth in anguish while mentally soaring in an idealized memory with a dead girl. I really liked the first part of the story, probably more than the second.

If I were to offer any advice (although this is all a matter of personal opinion), then I would say that the effect of the story would be stronger if you elave out the very last few sentences. What he is about to do is actually quite clear from the start. The sense of uncertainty an "open" end would leave might add instead of subtract from the desperation and unease of tone you have created. Convincing the reader that he has no other way out can be even more disturbing than showing them what he does, you know what I mean?
Just a thought...

Loved this one-shot, I can really see why you won the challenge :)
See you in the forums!

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing.

Hi-five! I love dark angst stuff too. I am pleased you found this well-written and structured, thanks.

I wanted to establish a connection between Draco's present and past instead of straightaway jumping into the memory randomly, so I thought of the rocking chair, glad you liked that. Haha you make it sound a lot more awesome than the scene actually was, but thank you. I am pleased you liked the whole imagery that I tried to bring in, and the entire first part.

Thank you for your kind advice. I'll take it into consideration, and perhaps one day when I come back to this story and wish to edit it, I'll definitely think about what you suggested. Right now though, I am pretty content with the way it is =)

Thank you so much for all your lovely words, and advice though. I am flattered *blush*


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Review #15, by Lululuna Come with me

22nd April 2013:
Review tag :)

This is so sad!! I really liked the idea and how it was written after the war. Draco was very appealingly portrayed as well: I liked how though he had changed and joined up with the Order, he still maintained some of his arrogance and anger and was true to character.

You have some very nice imagery, such as " throwing her head back and enjoying the rustle of the wind around her as it kissed her tender body." I thought that was a great childhood image to associate with her, and it really set the poetic tone for the rest of the story.

I'm not sure how I feel about Malfoy as a victim of child abuse, but as that's your choice as a writer I think you handled it gracefully. The idea of Malfoy ending his life with the same curse that had taken Catherine's was tragic, but once again rationally handled and tastefully described. I thought the repetition of the phrase "Come with me" was effective in tying the piece together as well. :)

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing! I am glad you liked the idea of this. Being an AU of sorts, I wasn't sure if I portrayed Draco well but I am glad you liked him and felt he was still true to his character.

I absolutely love reading and writing imagery so I am pleased you liked what I did. Poetic tone, really? Yay! I am so happy I achieved that effect.

Well, I felt that Draco may have been subjected to child abuse now and then, as Lucius always seemed so harsh and cruel as a father. I played around with various possibilities of Draco taking his life, and then decided on it being the killing curse as it seemed most fitting. I am pleased you think it was rationally and tactfully done. I had never attempted such a writing style before, of a repetition of a certain phrase, so I am glad it worked.

Thank you so much!


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Review #16, by marauder5 Come with me

20th April 2013:
This was really sad! I felt so bad for Draco! You've portrayed his pain so beautifully and vividly. It actually made me cry (and I'm usually not that emotional when I read, so that's a big deal!)

One thing that could make this better is if you check the change of tense in your story just to make sure that it's correct. I'll give you an example: 'Suddenly he is nine again, playing on the swing with her. She is soaring high in the air, her blonde curls tumbling behind her back, and he is listening to her laugh.

“Come with me, Draco! Come, fly with me!” She had called out to him, throwing her head back and enjoying the rustle of the wind around her as it kissed her tender body.'

You can go back in time and keep the story in present tense, like you did. 'Suddenly, he is nine again...' etc. But if you do that, I think you should keep the entire flashback in present tense, so that it would be: '"Come fly with me!" she calls out to him...'
I hope you understand what I mean :)

Overall, I really loved this story. With some minor alterations, it will be absolutely wonderful! :)

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

I am glad you found this sad, and sympathised with Draco, and could feel his pain as that was my aim. I am sorry this made you cry, but thrilled at the same time. Thanks!

Oh thanks for pointing out that tense-part. I was a little apprehensive while writing it, because I wasn't sure if I was doing it the right way, but your comments are really helpful and I think I'll go back and edit it =)


I definitely understood what you meant. Thank you so much, I am pleased you liked my story!


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Review #17, by AlexFan Come with me

5th April 2013:
Wow, just, wow. I have no words. I literally have no words.

This is probably one of the saddest things that I've ever read. You're an amazing writer and I could really feel the pain that Draco felt in this. It was just oozing off of him, I could feel his pain and I felt so bad for him.

I think the part that was probably the saddest was the part where he was asking Catherine for forgiveness once she was dead and the last part he was going to kill himself.

This is definitely a ten out of ten. Amazing job.

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. Your review definitely made my day!

I am pleased that you could feel Draco's pain in this, as that was my intention. Yeah, it was all very sad for me while writing it too.

Thank you so much for your lovely words!


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Review #18, by SilentConfession Come with me

18th March 2013:
Hi! I'm here for your review request! I'm sorry for the long wait, life has been hectic for the last few months that every time I think I can keep up with requests something happens again! But I am here and I hope you find this review helpful!

I think the flow of this story is fairly good. I like some of the emotional imagery you have here. It really helps us relate to Draco's agony of losing someone he cared about. Some of the flashback's you incorporated also helped us see who Catherine was and what she meant to him. it helped the rest of the story flow better because there were hints of how far he'd go for her. So it made sense in the end that he'd go to his death for her again. However, this AU story happened very quickly which did leave me with questions on how Draco got there. Since this didn't stick with canon there were times that I was left wondering about his backstory. I wouldn't expect you to be able to put all of it in here obviously but being choosey with what you insert so that the flow from the beginning and end goes smoothly.

Characterization- it's interesting because you have some traits that are very Draco here. Enough that i think it's easier to hang on to the story and care about the outcome. So that is good. There are bits that are OC and off canon which isn't necessarily bad because this is an AU. However, i think some backstory might help the readers better connect with him. It's harder to talk about characterization in this short piece simple because a lot of what we knew of Draco is changed and we're going on what you're seeing here. I think for an AU to work best we need to know a little more about the motivations of the character for it to be believed fully. For instance - Lucius abusing Draco - does Draco in this universe still run to his father for everything? Or has that running turned to Catherine? Those are just a couple questions that remain unanswered with you mentioning that. Or Draco going to the Order - how was Catherine involved with them? Why did she get involved? Why was Draco allowed to associate himself with her if she was against Voldemort? Although i think it's great that you have some clear indications of the differences with this world and HP world i think if you took it one step further in some of the explanations/motivations and characterizations of both Draco and Catherine you'd have an absolutely brilliant story.

I think you strongest point here is emotional intensity. I think you've done a great job showing his obsession with that one spell, how it affected his life, and how it drove him to commit suicide. You do let the readers feel it and even though there are some unanswered questions you still feel bad for the predicament he's in.

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing. Sorry about the delay in responding!

I am pleased you find the flow smooth, and you liked the emotional imagery. I wanted to show a glimpse into Catherine and Draco's relationship with the flashbacks but not go into too much depth, so I am glad you think it made the story flow better. Well the story was more of a snippet rather than a full story - I didn't want to go into a lot of detail since I wanted to focus on Draco's thoughts and feelings more - so thanks for your comments, and I'll still try to see what I can do to make it less "incomplete".

Its good to know that you found some Draco traits in this along with the AU ones as that was my intention - to show a mix of canon and non-canon traits. As I said before, I wasn't too keen on filling more details/backstory rather just focus on emotions, but after seeing your comments I'll try to add a little more backstory to make it more connectable. I'll also try to answer the questions you think are left unanswered when I do an edit.

I am glad you liked the emotional intensity and the spell-centering part.

Thanks so much for all your suggestions and comments, I'll keep them in mind when I edit this. Thanks a lot!


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Review #19, by Nicte Come with me

10th March 2013:
Wow, this gave me goosebumps right in the end.

I would have never imagined this ending!

I believe that it's quite good, but maybe you could focus more on Draco's feelings? (It's probably just me, because I need a LOT of description of the emotions to actually understand what the character is feeling).

Right in the beginning I was completely drawn to the story, but I was just getting in the mood when the Order dialogue came in... (again, it's how it made ME feel).

And then came the last paragraphs, "He remembers his screams of agony and his mad rage"... Just wowed me. And then the end of it... blew my mind. I had never pictured Draco as the kind of man who would do something like that, but you made it seem like it made total sense! A-MAZING.

Keep on writing amazing things!

-- Andrea.

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks so much for dropping by.

I am pleased the ending caught you off guard, as that was my intention xP

I am glad you liked this. I'll take your advice in consideration and see if I can highlight more of Draco's feelings. I was aiming for less description but I'll see what I can do.

Hmm I am sorry if you felt the order dialogue interrupted the feel for you - I'll see if I can fix that.

I am glad you liked the last paragraphs, and the end. Thanks so much for your AMAZING review!


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Review #20, by mirasoul Come with me

5th March 2013:
Hi! Mirasoul here from the forums, with your requested review.

This was a good piece of angst. Pertaining to plot, I found it incredibly intriguing, especially the very end. I had no clue he was going to kill himself; you sprung it on me, and it had the effect I think you were going for: shock, sadness, disbelief. I was jolted; that part was very well done. It flows as well; the story line is easy to follow and kept me interested throughout. In regards to emotional intensity, I did feel it a bit lacking. You make a great emotional connection with Draco--as I said, I was stunned and saddened by the revelation that he was about to kill himself--but I wasn't able to sympathize with the death of the girl because I don't know much about her. You give little snippets that give the audience a bit of information--they've known each other since they were children and she led him away from the dark side--but not enough to make her into an actual human being. I feel a bit like she's the third cousin, twice removed on my dad's side that I've never met yet I still have to go to the funeral. Maybe you can add in more snapshots that tell more about her, or even just describe her a bit more? That way we're able to feel Draco's pain of losing her along with him and be able to understand why he's taking such drastic measures.

Draco's characterisation is hard to comment upon because this is an AU story, so he can't really be similar to the Draco in the books, but as I said because, I think you did really great in making him someone the reader can feel for. I will say, though, that if you are staying loyal to his character in the first few books, I'm not sure if Lucius would beat him, seeing as he's more than a bit of a spoiled brat and runs to Daddy for every little thing. It would also make more sense with Draco's anger at Rodolphus for murdering his father.

Overall, however, I thought this was intense, and I liked it. Sorry if I come off as harsh at any point; I'm just rather blunt and don't like to sugarcoat when I review. I hope this helps! :)

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing. Apologies for the delay in replying!

I am glad you found this a good piece of angst and the desired effect came through. I am sorry if you couldn't connect with Catherine - she was more of a symbol than a developed character - but I'll see what I can do. Thanks for your advice!

I am pleased that you were able to feel for Draco as that was what I was aiming for. Thanks for your suggestions, I'll take them into consideration when/if I edit.

You were not harsh at all. I will take all your comments into consideration upon editing. I am glad that over all you found it intense and liked this. Thanks!



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Review #21, by Bobby Dazzler Come with me

2nd March 2013:
"He wishes that death had seized him the way it was supposed to, and had not grasped her instead." - Very powerful, commanding line that. Definitely my pick of this story, nice work.

So anyway, here to give you your review you requested while bubba girl is asleep (or meant to be!) :)

Right first things first. PLOT.
I didn't mind the plot in this, you hinted at Draco's dad being abusive, something that I honestly haven't seen in many newer stories lately (It was a really popular plot bunny back in the day when I first started writing, nearly 10 years ago, eeip!) and so that did surprise me, just because I haven't seen it done lately.

As for the rest of the plot, I liked the idea of Draco being filled with so much remorse over Catherine's death that he'd be feeling so depressed and capable of ending his own life, but I think that the relationship between Draco and Catherine could've been developed more than what it was. Like how they originally met, eventually fell in love and would die for one another. I know you hinted back to their earlier years, but there's still a lot to be left to interpretation as to what happened in between.

Because there wasn't as much backstory of their friendship becomming a romance, I am left questioning why Draco would be willing to risk his own life (given his canon self is so self centred and cowardly) to try and save anothers, and then eventually take his own. So, I do like the plot, but it could be developed a little more, just to fill in the gaps.

CHARACTERISATION: Again, kind of already mentioned tihs before in the plot side of things. I think you kept some aspects of Draco's persona correct and others could've been developed more to account for the situation he was now in with Catherine, to show the reader how they got together and how he fell in love. Also, given Catherine is an OC, it would've been nice to know more about her character too, aside from the fact she died. There was one conversation they had talking about going to the Order for help that I did find a little OC for Draco. I know he would've been scared and frightened, and wanted to do the right thing by Catherine, but just how it was worded - it sounded stilted and too mature for frightened teens.

Also, the inclusion of Rodolphus Lestrange was both confusing and different - I was anticipating Voldemort. But given the fact that you didn't introduce Lestrange before then or hint at his involvement before it happened, readers were kind of blind sighted by it in a way..

FLOW & READER ENJOYMENT.

Overall, I thought it flowed nicely, could be improved here and there by expanding on those things I mentioned before about character development and building on some plot foundations, but otherwise it was a nice one shot of Draco unable to deal with the most heartbreaking thing he's ever undured and deceided to end his life as a result. A morbid happy ending, I suppose lol. Nice work and hope this helped in some way, until next time! :) Bobby xx

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. I apologize for the delay in responding!

Yeah, Lucius being abusive was a popular plot years ago, so I decided to bring it back in fashion xP

I am glad you liked Draco's remorse and such. I didn't develop their backstory much because I wanted Catherine to be more of a symbol than a properly developed character, so I left a lot to imagination. I think that the impact would have been less if I had focused on the background details. I'll consider developing the plot further though, maybe in the future - so thanks for your comments - but as of now I'll let it be as it is.

I'll try and go back to edit the conversation about the Order, to make it seem more like frightened teens. Thanks for the tip.

I just thought I'd include a random death eater, then I just sort of gave Rudolphus' name to it. I'll see what can be done further about that.

I am pleased you found this nice overall. It did help, yes. Thanks!


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Review #22, by Lady Asphodel Come with me

28th February 2013:
This was brilliant! You have really captured the emotions of grief, and I love your subtle way of flashbacks instead of saying "flash back" itself.

Your words were really inspiring and I hope to write as good as you.

From the review thread,

-Asphodel

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing! I am glad you liked it, and found the emotions captured well, and the flashbacks too.

Thank you so much for your high compliments! You've made my day!


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Review #23, by megthechef43 Come with me

27th February 2013:
adluvshp,

This was quite heartwrenching in it's delivery. I was hoorible to read about him being in so much pain from lossing the love of his life to a ddeatheater. The sadness and heartbreak permeated the story through and through. I could feel his pain from the first sentence of the story. Great job.

I liked this story but for some reason it was hard to follow to me. I was trying to figure out what it was I think it had to do with the tense it was written in. I think grammatical it is correct but the reading was difficult for me. FYI, grammar is not my strongest attribute.

Great story and powerfully moving!

Meg

Author's Response: Hi meg! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

I am glad you found this heartwrenching, and that the sadness and heartbreak and pain came through well as that was my aim. Thanks.

I am sorry to hear that it was hard to follow for you. I wrote it in a broken form of sorts to express Draco's state of despair. Grammatically it is correct though, yeah.

Thanks for your kind words anyway!


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Review #24, by True Author Come with me

27th February 2013:
Review tag!
Amazing ending! It was sad, but it was certainly very effective. I didn't get who Catherine is, but still she was so nicely characterized that I stopped caring about it. =] It was dark and painful, but Draco resenting magic is a very-um- innovative idea, I think.
Still, I'd love to have some more descriptions.

Ashwini

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing. I am glad you liked the ending, and that it came across as sad as that was my intention. Catherine is more of a symbol rather a fleshed out character here which is why I didnt explain her much but its nice to know that it didnt bother you. Haha yes it is innovative thanks xP This was more of a broken-stream-of-thoughts kind of thing so I didnt put in a lot of descriptions and sometimes I feel 'less is more', but thank you for your comments!

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Review #25, by Lisa Come with me

21st February 2013:
Oh my gosh - that was chilling! It made my heart hurt :( I loved the ending. In a weird way I hope he found her, but I also don't want him to have died. GREAT story!

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I am glad that this had the desired effect of being chilling. Thank you for liking the story =)

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