Reading Reviews for Betrayal Felt By My Heart
  
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by missclaire17 The End

7th April 2013:
It's always interesting, to read about people with affairs. I don't ship Teddy/Dominique because I am an avid Teddy and Victoire shipper, but it's rather interesting, the fact that Teddy thinks that Dominique should still be there for him when HE is married. I like that you explored what Teddy felt in Dominique leaving him because she was strong enough to want to have a life on her own and not be with Teddy when he is married to Victoire.

What you could also do is explore Teddy and Victoire's relationship as well; obviously, they're married so if Teddy doesn't want a divorce, then he might still love Victoire in some way, yet he is cheating on her with Dominique.

I think this one-shot is good. You could take it a little further, but it's very nice (:

Author's Response: Heyyy Claire!

Im glad you like it :P Personally I dont ship Teddy/Dommie either but this story kinda just fit for them =)

Actually they weren't married, they were only engaged but I see why would you mistake tht since I probably didn't make it too clear :P

Im glad you liked it! I was thiking of writing another sequel OS so thank you!


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Review #2, by ShadowRose The End

4th April 2013:
Hi there, I had a bit of time, and figured I'd come over and review one of your one-shots! So, well, here I am!

I like how you manage to throw the reader right into the action, yet still explain everything out in the beginning. I never felt like I had no idea what was going on, because you introduced everything so well!

I really like how you characterized Teddy. He's a bit rash, hypocritical, and stubborn at first, and definitely not the "golden boy" people like to portray him as. And then, at the end, you just feel for him.

Your descriptions are great, and the reader really gets the feeling that they're emerged in all of this. I especially love how you explain Teddy's thoughts after Dominique leaves, when he's pondering love and realizing how much he really cared for Dom.

I also think the story plot you chose here was quite interesting, how they're both cheating on their loved ones, and they both care for the other more than they care for their own fiances.

There were a couple spots where I ended up a tad confused, because a random name was dropped, and I had no idea where it came from. For example, he's thinking about talking to Lucy about love, and then all of a sudden, he's thinking, "See James," and it kind of pops out of nowhere.

Also, there are a couple spots where you need some commas, so I'd read over the one-shot and try to make sure that the sentences have punctuation where needed, so they don't go on forever and cause confusion. :)

There are a couple spots were "Victoire" is spelled "Victorie." That's probably just a typing to fast thing, which I can empathize with, as I just spelt "just" as "jsut" about ten times before I got it right. :)

Overall, this was a really great read, so good job with it! Wow, looking back at this, I really ramble, don't I?

-ShadowRose

Author's Response: Hey! Aww why thank you! I will hit your stories really soon as well :P After exams =)

Yeah I wanted to make Teddy a bit different then the normal golden boy thing he has going on :P

Thank you! I tried to make the story have a setting without getting to involved with the details so I'm glad it worked out in the end =)

I'll look at the spelling mistakes, should have re read it before posting haha.

No no! Thank you so much for your review! It wasn't rambling at all and very helpful =)

Mya


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Review #3, by AlexFan The End

26th March 2013:
Okay, I'll keep this short and sweet. I have mixed feelings about this, the writing wasn't bad but the mixed feelings is mostly for Teddy.

You had a few grammatical and punctuational errors that I couldn't help but notice (they just jump out at me now without me even looking for them).

I want to like Teddy but at the same time, I can't. He seems very abusive and possessive if the way he spoke and thought were any indication and go Dom for standing up to him! I may not think what she did was right but I admire her for standing up.

I feel bad for their fiancés though, I would hate to find out the person I was engaged to was fooling around with someone else (it'd be more horrible if it was my sister, if I had one).

Anyway, I still enjoyed the one-shot and it's definitely unique and different so great job on a pairing I don't usually see.

Author's Response: Hey!

I'll go bk and look at the errors you mentioned (thanks for doing tht!)

I wanted to make him seem different from the normally awesome and happy go lucky Teddy we usually see.

He isn't necessarily abusive he's just a bit hot headed haha.

Im glad you liked it !


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Review #4, by dreamer21 The End

3rd March 2013:
Hi There,
By the end of the story I was hoping for a happy ending that got Teddy to confess. :(
I'm glad you've kept it realistic. You are very good at describing emotions and what the character feels but there was too much of emotion in Teddy than usual? From what I've noticed boys tend to feel pain till a certain level and then they just stop. Dominique seemed to have lacked expression in that department.
And isn't it a bit abrupt that Dom spent the whole last night with him and then randomly announced her wedding? Teddy had been engaged the whole time so why did she do it now? Why not later or earlier? Maybe if they had a fight and she announced her wedding would make more sense than she spending the whole night making love and doing that. It just seemed to be out of place.
Other than that. Thumbs up!
I didn't mean to be harsh, I like this story and you're a great author.
-xx
Em

Author's Response: no prob. im glad you liked it ! though thanks for pointing out problems =)

Well it depends. Teddy in this story and my head sometimes just feels more pain due to his parents dying and all of that. It was kind like Harry in the 5th book where he just flipped all the time :P

There is a reason why she announced her wedding and Im kinda working on a prequel to that like right now!


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Review #5, by HollyStone73 The End

24th February 2013:
Hello Aqua! Slytherin Review Tag here!! :)

I have to admit that I have not read any Next Generation so far, but I am quite intrigued now! LOL! Teddy seems so complex and if I may, dark. So much emotion made it a very fast read. It made me wanting to not only know what lead to this point, but left me saying.wait...what's next!! :)

Author's Response: Hi! Im glad you liked the story =)

Oh wow really? Well I hope you had a good experience reading this one then haha!

thanks for the review!


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Review #6, by soapman333 The End

16th February 2013:
Alright, I chose this story because I haven't read a Dom/Teddy story before. Wow, this was intense!

I'm sorry, but I had no sympathy for Teddy from the moment he said "My property". What right does he have to own another person? I'm happy Dom left!

That being said, I was intrigued by their strange relationship. They both seemed to manipulate each other, ya know? A relationship like that never ends well, but it's for the best.

I don't have criticisms (sorry), I had a pleasant time reading it. For the relationship they had, it all seemed believable.

Thanks,
soapman333

Author's Response: I am glad you liked it!

Thank you for reviewing!


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Review #7, by patronus_charm The End

15th February 2013:
Hello I’m here with the review swap!

I liked that Molly featured a lot in this story, as she’s rather neglected in most of the next gen stories, and if she does feature, she seems to be a clone of Percy. So I liked the fact that she and Dom seemed quite good friends, as they usually seem to be bitter enemies, in most of the stories I’ve read.

I did feel at times that your punctuation use could be revised. ‘best friend/almost sister’, I feel that a comma would look a better instead, as it doesn’t interfere as much with the flow. Also Dom says ‘I am’, it may appear minor, but it would flow so much better with ‘I’m’, instead :) Also you used a double question mark at times, it just makes the writing appear more informal by doing that, so if you removed one, it would look more formal and professional:)

I rather liked what you did to Teddy in this story, as it was rather funny to see him dark and bitter, instead of his usual calm and happy self. I thought that was a good idea to do, as it added some freshness to a rather well done plot line.

It was almost scary how possessive Teddy got over Dom, but then again, it was nice twist, as it’s usually Dom who’s the clingy one. I liked that she was the one who wanted to change her life, and not be ‘the other woman’. One CC about that, it would have been nice to perhaps know how it had started, as Teddy was so possessive, it would have been more fitting to have a story behind it as well.

I thought that was interesting twist to the usual Dom/Teddy/Victoire plot, and I rather liked it. The one main thing I would say is to proof read first, as though the mistakes weren’t too distracting, they did disrupt the flow at times.

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: Hey Kiana!

Thanks for the swap =)

I am glad you liked the story! I will look at the grammar problems that you pointed out =)

Oo yah haha well I kinda didn't want to develop the past since it kinda gives you free reign over what might have happened.

im glad you liked it!


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Review #8, by Courtney Dark The End

11th February 2013:
Tag!

I really love this pairing, even though I've never written one myself, so it was nice to see your take on it, as I've read quite a few Teddy/Victoire/Dom triangles...and loved them all, FYI.

I actually liked the fast pace at which your plot moved along and the raw emotions and feelings you managed to bring out in a short space of time. I think your best characterization was of Teddy-he felt very real to read about, which I always love in a story, so nice job!

There were a few strange grammar and spelling errors scattered throughout the chapter, but I couldn't find anything too distracting.

Nice job!
Courtney:)

Author's Response: Hey Courtney!
yay! glad you like this pairing! I hav never really read of written about them so I was very apprehensive when i did this haah.

oh thank god i got Teddy right. I have literally read ZERO ff's about Teddy/Victorie. They are side characters sure but never an actual one about them so I had no idea whats cliche and whats not :P

I did read through and tried to fix the ones I caught!

Thanks!


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Review #9, by Arithmancy_Wiz The End

10th February 2013:
Hi, aqua. Thanks for replying to my status post.

I don't get a chance to read this pairing very often, so I hope you don't mind that I picked this one to review.

This was definitely a very emotional one-shot. You really tapped into a wide range of feelings in a relatively short space. The characterization of Teddy was very different from the way I usually see him portrayed, and it's really nice to see authors put their own spin on different characters. He was incredibly dark here, very selfish and possessive. It was nice to see you give him some depth beyond just "being in love." Though with that dark side, I was glad to see Dom push back and not accept that sort of behavior from him. She must have feelings for him or they wouldn't be having an affair, but it was good to see her willing to do something to make herself happy.

I did notice some grammatical errors that made the story a bit hard to read at times. I won't point them all out here since I'm not sure if you already have a Beta you plan on sending this to, but here are two repeating issues I noticed in a couple of spots throughout the chapter: (1) When a character is addressing another character by name, you need to include a comma before the name (and after if it's in the middle of the sentence). For example, the line "I am getting married Teddy Remus Lupin and you cannot do anything about that" should have a comma before Teddy and after Lupin. (2) When you have a thought that ends in an exclamation point or question mark, you don't need the comma too. For example: I proved you wrong!, he thought, should be either: I proved you wrong! he thought; or I proved you wrong, he thought; or even simple I proved you wrong (since the italics already tell the reader this is something Teddy is thinking). But you don't need both.

Thanks again for replying to my post and sharing your story with me!

Author's Response: Hey!

Thanks for reviewing!

I did go in and fix the things you mentioned! I wasn't sending this to a Beta so thank you for pointing the problems out =)

Glad you liked Dom and Teddy haah


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Review #10, by adluvshp The End

10th February 2013:
Here for slytherin review tag!

Wow, this was definitely a very fast-paced yet touching story. I do love this pairing, as you know I am sure, so I enjoyed reading this.

I liked how you characterised Dominique, it was good to see her so strong. It almost felt like she was taking revenge on Teddy for marrying Victoire.

Feelings of jealousy, betrayal, and loss are always
hard to portray so I appreciate your effort on doing it. Over all, your writing was good. The plot was interesting and I liked the characterisations. The scenarios created were written well too. I'd just say to work on the grammar/spelling/punctuation though, as that is not very neat in the story and kind of disrupts the flow.

But apart from that, good work. 8/10

Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hey AD!

glad you liked this=) Your OS were the only things I have ever read about Teddy/Victorie as a pairing actually lol.

I did go bk and proofread so hopefully caught enough of the grammar problems lol

thank you for reviewing =)


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