Wow!! You've really intrigued me with this first chapter!!
I love your descriptions and the way it moves the story along. The sentence structure is really good, to, but you've got a bit of a misplaced modifier when you say, "Finishing his drink, I look once more..." To me, that sounds a bit like she drank his drink, which is silly. But otherwise, everything flows really well!
A few questions:
Why are Ronan and Freddie so special that they get to come in the pub after hours? And why have they chosen to write their song in the Leaky, of all places?
Why does Ronan call Freddie "Bam?"
Though I haven't read many Freddie/OCs, I really like them, and I like the beginning of this one. It's quite intriguing and quite well-written as well. :)
~UnluckyStar57 Report Review
I’ve never read any Fred II stories and I really liked what you did in this one so it makes me want to read more of them in the future. I liked how you characterised him and didn’t make him perfect and that he had flaws. It may be due to him being drunk but I quite liked the arrogant nature he had about him as it makes me think he’s going to change in the future.
I also really liked Evangeline as she’s seems to be a really interesting person. She doesn’t seem to be showing any Mary-Sue traits at the moment, and looks fun and original. That really pleased me, as it’s so easy to slip up when writing an OC and make her out to be an annoying person but I liked yours.
For an opening chapter you left me wondering lots of questions, which is just how an opening chapter should be so I was happy about that. I wonder how this Evangeline relates to magic, because I don’t think you mentioned anything magical in this chapter and how later opinions of Freddie.
The only CC I have is that there were a couple of tenses changes throughout the chapter. Here you write in the past ‘“Really? Now?” the Irish lilt was melodic, soothing.’ And here ‘“You,” he says.’ I would suggest re-reading the chapter aloud as they get rid of those annoying errors. It’s quite an easy mistake to make and I do it all the time so it’s nothing to worry about too much.
That was a really good chapter and it made me smile! ♥
-Kiana Report Review
I like it, I think you're doing awesome. The writing flows nicely and it's nice and light, not overly heavy and dramatic. It's good!
I really like Eva, she's very... Real? Does that word work? It works in my head. I like Harriet and especially Eoin. How do you pronounce his name? Is it like Eeee-oh-in?
You should update really soon ;)
mrsronaldweasley262Author's Response: Thank you so much! I love them all, they're like my little brain children. That sounds weird... Eoin is just O-en, like Owen, but nice and Irishly spelt :) You're so nice, ee, made me so happy! Thank you so much Report Review
I'm really liking this story so far! Maybe you can tell us more about Eve, a slight back story and why she was home schooled, why she's working as a barmaid etc. Um, so far it's really good and I can't wait to read more! -And I've added it to my favorites. :D
Bye ^_^Author's Response: Ooo yes that's probably a good idea... I have her all sorted in my head that it's hard to forget you don't know everything about her :P Thank you so much for the review and the favourite! You're too kind! x Report Review
The characters are all very realistic and definitely alive, incredible. Can't wait for more!Author's Response: Thank you so much! This means a lot. Hopefully I'll be updating soon with the queue being as short as it is! Report Review
This is enchanting! Evangeline's perspective is a pleasure to read from, it's real and interesting. Freddy smoulders and is totally believable as a rock star. Can't wait to read more!Author's Response: Ah thank you so much! Evie is a darling. And Freddie, my, oh my! ;) You're too kind, thank you! x Report Review
I love this story! And your banner is just to die for, pass that on for me will you? Thanks:) Anyways, this story is so good. Not to mention, its not overly pretentious, which is really great:D So, update soon, I'll be waiting for a new chappie:)
xox miluvAuthor's Response: It's just beautiful isn't it?! I'll be sure to pass on the compliment! Thank you so much, it means a lot. Next chapter should be on the way soon! :D x Report Review
I'm loving this story and Evie and Harriet's fabby friendship. I'm really intrigued by Harriet's "old hogwarts days" and Evie's wandering man. Already shipping Evie and Fredddie like my life depends on it hahaAuthor's Response: Thank you so so much! I'm shipping Evie and Freds like my life depends on it too, however she's currently not so keen... :P Hmm yes, Harriet's a bit of an enigma about her past, so we'll see... Thank you so much, you're lovely! Report Review
wow, this sounds really good! I have all three of your stories in my favourites, you're such a good writer! Please try and update them all, I love them. You honestly deserve way more reviews you're fantastic! Anyway well done! This is fab! :)Author's Response: Ah thank you so much! You've made me so happy! Updates are in the pipeline :) x Report Review
yay! this looks rele good! i haven't seen too many Freddie II stories so im glad you are writing one =)
Love Eve and Ronan too :P can't wait to see more!Author's Response: Thank you! Yes, I haven't seen that many so thought I might as well try my own spin on it. Report Review
I adore it, absolutely adore it! Please don't stop writing this. Freddie sounds wonderful, and arrogant and cocky and completely hot! I like Evangeline already, and I find myself intrigued by that very last sentence!
Write again soon! :)) xxAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! So glad you like it :) Report Review
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