27 Reviews Found

Review #1, by wolfgirl17 Apothecary

25th March 2015:
Hiya Kenny!

Wolfgirl17 here with your requested review from the forums. Sorry it's taken me so long to get here. I have no excuse other than that I'm a lazy sod and no one has been pestering me to keep on top of these.

Now, I know you said in your request that you've been having trouble with finding a Beta for this fic, and without seeming harsh, unkind or rude, I do feel the need to say that it shows.

I'm a little unclear about whether or not you've edited this piece before submitting it, but there are a lot of mistakes throughout, including one in the very first sentence:

"In the magic land of Druid there lived Druid clan."

I get the feeling there was meant to be an 'a' between lived and Druid.

You've got a lot of missing words throughout that are upsetting the overall flow of the story and could really do with being edited to address the issue. If you can't find someone willing to take on being a Beta for you for the whole fic, you should try the Quick Beta section on the forums and simply request with each chapter to have folks help you with spelling, grammar, flow and the like.

You've also got a bit of clunkiness in that opening paragraph and throughout that might be upsetting the number of views you're getting. Generally on a site like this, one or two typos throughout are skimmed over, but large sections of missing words, forced/clunky descriptions and interrupted spelling/grammar make people lose interest in a fic pretty quickly.

Saying that, I don't know the stats for your fic and maybe you've got a lot of people reading in spite of these mistakes, but they really do lower the quality of the piece and if you have time to fix them it would make things much nicer and more exciting to read if you were to do so.

I've commented in the past during our swap that I'm unlcear on whether English is your first language or not, but I can't recall if it is or isn't. If it isn't, kudos on trying to learn it and to write a fic in a language that you might not fully grasp yet.

However, the missing words and incorrect tenses throughout do suggest you've simply written this is a different language and then used something like Google Translate to switch it to English. I'm not saying any of this to upset of offend you, and if I have done so it was not my intention, however it does need to be addressed, and as is mentioned in my thread, I pride myself on giving truthful, useful reviews rather than simply complimenting and author and having them think they are wonderful when there is room for improvement.

I see some of that room for improvement here and I hope you are able to address these issues. Thanks for requesting a review from me and I hope I've been helpful.

xx-Ellie (wolfgirl17)

Author's Response: Thank you for leaving review on this, Ellie, even if it was a little bit late (lol), I really appreciate honestly.

I finally, fortunately, got a great beta reader, so I'm still working on this.
At the same time I feel awe, the quality of this site is super! I don't regret that I arrived here, I chose the best HP fan fiction site I've ever encountered. Please stop by again when you have time.

Kenny :)


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Review #2, by Hogwarts27 The Storm

19th March 2015:
This was good chapter with a lot of action, that I really enjoyed. I always love a good action scene. The broom chase grabbed my interest right away, and there was a nice sense of danger during the conversation with Ron in the mirror after they landed.

The part with Harry and Ginny naked turned out be very sweet, but I had to laugh at first that Harry's eyesight was supposed to be so bad that he couldn't see Ginny's body clearly even when she was so close to him. But he was very sweet about acting like a gentleman.

I was surprised at Harry's new animagus, but I can see how being an animal that can fly would feel very natural to him. And it seems this animagus will come in very handy if Dara and her father are birds.

You gave the chapter a good ending. It makes me curious to know what happens next.

Author's Response: Thank you, again for your constant review. I really appreciate for that.

You and I have a commomn point in action scene, I think. So I'm glad to read your comment about that. :)

Their awkward scene in the hollow was inspired by Yukio Mishima's literary work.
So this chapter has a kind of mood mingled with druidic magic and oriental essence.

To make up my lack of vocabulary, I squeezed out my imagination at midnight, the idea popped up in my mind.


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Review #3, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Apothecary

18th March 2015:
Hello! Deeds here with your requested review. Sorry for the long wait but I got caught up with forum activities and my own writing.

You said English isnít your first language but youíre doing a really good job here with your story. Itís definitely something I donít normally read. I know nothing about Druids and such but itís an intriguing idea.

He showed them how to cast Intruder Charm by their wands and how to feel them,

It should be: Öhow to cast an Intruder CharmÖ

culprits also will find you and theyíll attack you anytime

It would flow better if you switch Ďwillí and Ďalsoí

Griffindor table with Hermione and Ginny.

It is actually: Gryffindor

You misspell it again later on in the chapter as well.

Hermione shook her head, was going to hover over Ron.

I would get rid of the: was going to hover over Ron. It doesnít make any sense and isnít needed anyway.

The conversation with Dedalus confused me. I donít actually know whatís going on. One minute heís hugging Ginny and the next theyíre going on a mission? Iím not sure where youíre going with this story because it has jumped from one scene to another rather quickly.

"Oh, it's Druid's old castle which is ruins in the Isle of Skye."

Youíre missing something here: Oh, itís the Druidís old castle, which is in the ruins in the Isle of Skye.

"Did you know their attacking Slytherins?

Should be Ďthey areí

Most of students don't feel guilty to bully Slytherin students

Should be: Most of the students donít feel guilty bullying Slytherin students

They are Maisie Cattermole and Maura Alderton, Hufflepuffs

Lose the: They are

Itís not needed and sounds odd.

Well, I understand their feeling

Should be: feelings

Okay so Iím done with the chapter and I have to say you have the potential for something intriguing and different here but itís hard to understand. I think a beta would be helpful, even if you have to get different ones for each chapter because the story is confusing. I know English isnít your first language and I applaud you for jumping in and writing a story but a little assistance would help take your story from good to great. Flow is also an issue because you jump from one scene to the next and it is confusing at times because one minute weíre at Hogwarts, the next weíre someplace else. Try to work on the transitions and I do think Draco is a little OOC. I think a better explanation of his character might be needed to understand how he can work so well with Harry and co.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for doing this aside from your activity. Again I feel grateful when I think about many volunteer staffs are engaging in this. In my country, we have proudly long literal history so we don't have to use English in daily life but thanks to J.K.Rowling and this site, I enjoy expressing my thought in English.

I'll request your review if I have any chance after I rewrite this. Thank you again detail review. It's really helpful. :)


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Review #4, by Hogwarts27 Labyrinth

17th March 2015:
Hi, I saw your post about review swaps, so please don't feel rushed to answer this if you're busy with those.

This is another good chapter where the reader gets some surprising good and bad news. I enjoyed the little part where you pointed out Ginny's guilt about needing to be rescued by Harry again. I also enjoyed the sudden twist with Dara - first she seems to be helping, but then we discover that she loves Harry and becomes jealous of Ginny, with her behavior suddenly changes. That was well done. And just when we think Harry found the way to escape, he remembers the words of warning. So I'm curious to see what will happen now.

Author's Response: Thank you for your constant encouragement, I always feel happy to read your comment. :)

I wanted to do something, kind of twists and turns, so I tried writing about it between Harry and Ginny. The easiest way to do that, another witch enters, which will add another situation, I thought.



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Review #5, by chinaglaze Godfather

17th March 2015:
Hi there, I found this chapter easier to read than the previous one. There are still some bits that I think could be made clearer but I was not quite so confused. Although I found some of the story around what happened with the rune stones a bit hard to follow.

There is a short and very nice bit of description about the black lake. More please!

So some of the students drink a potion which gives them a fever and the others have to find stones to cure them if I understand right. Interesting and a bit risky I should think.

There seems to be a very sudden transition from Hogwarts to Grimmauld place that took me by surprise. And Andromeda lives there too does she? that surprised me.

Again, I think this could be improved with some careful editing and beta work but itís an interesting story.

Author's Response: Thank you for your review again! As other reviewers pointed out, transiton work is my weak point I should do something on. It may be a better way to skim through seven books or I'll read yours, and rewrite as soon as possible.



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Review #6, by chinaglaze Apothecary

17th March 2015:
Okay, This is a really interesting concept with masses of potential and very brave of you to tackle such a complicated and possibly epic idea in a language which is not your first. You have got a really good story coming on, but to be very honest, there are a lot of issues with the sentence structures that make it quite hard to read, and sometimes hard to understand. I found myself having to go back quite often to re-read in order to make sense of it.

You are introducing a vast amount of information here, and I was confused at several points but I think all these issues can be addressed and youíll have an interesting story.

If I try and go through everything on here it will be ridiculously long, but Iím very happy to discuss this further with you if you like.

Iíll just pick out a few things;

In the summary you have spelt 'Giantís' wrong, but in the chapter itself, I canít see any reference to the Giantís Causeway. Is that where the first scene takes place? A bit of description would help to clear that up.

Her father says ďDara, you're seventeen. Don't you have someone in your mind?" it sounds as if he is asking if she wants to marry someone? But it seems a bit strange. Or he just asking what she wants to do?

You introduce the character of Proudfoot very suddenly without much information about him; Iím not clear either exactly what the training is in aid of. Again, I think there is space for a little more description here.

You then mention some ruins and a fight. Are these ruins on the Isle of Skye? I had to go back to see if I had missed something but you hadnít mentioned it before.

I could go on, I donít want to put you off. There is real potential for a terrific story here, but in my opinion it does need a lot of work, maybe a beta reader or two.

Author's Response: Thank you very much, chinaglaze. I really appreciate for your honest review and your offer,'I am very happy to discuss this further with you if you like.' May I PM later, if you don't mind? I honestly need a beta reader.

It's hard to get a constant beta reader, so your review really helps a lot.

I tried rewriting, but your review let me notice there are much more information I should have added.

And thank you so much for pointing out concrete examples about grammar and syntax.

To tell the turuth this story is a sequel to my first FF, so that's the reason why any of beta readers don't hold their hands up, they may think they have to read my first fan fiction first, that will take much time.

So I will add more information in this chapter as well. Thank you very much!




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Review #7, by Hogwarts27 The Lake Loe

12th March 2015:
Terrific chapter again! What a great fantasy adventure you gave us in this one chapter. I loved every bit of it. The pace was just right to keep it exciting. I think this is my favorite chapter of this story so far. I loved reading about all the new things Harry encountered. You made it all very interesting with just the right touch of being magical and mysterious. Very imaginative. It was also good to have Sirius as a guide. That made it feel like everything was under control.

Author's Response: I wanted to put Sirius somewhere in my story, for he's still Harry's godfather even after he was dead. Thanks to amazing CI by bellatrixx of TDA, it added much more mystic atmosphere to my story.

I don't want to forget the first time to feel excited by J.K.Rowling's magical world so I try to create the kind of her world but it's hard to express with my poor vocabulary. I need to improve myself.

Thank you again for your encouragement! :)


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Review #8, by Hogwarts27 Trap

11th March 2015:
Terrific chapter! The plot gets more interesting with every chapter. I really enjoyed the way you developed this chapter and kept building the problem and adding information. To have a chapter start out interesting and then just get better and better is great story-telling. I really enjoyed it. By the end of the chapter, I feel like we're going on a great adventure.

Author's Response: Hi, thank you for coming back to read my story. I feel great for getting such a nice writing pal like you through this site, at the same time appreciate that J.K.Rowling letting me know you through her work and HPFF.
As you wrote in Dumbledore's wand adventure, I also edit this chapter, too. It's a good thing I have reading fellows, thank you very much!


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Review #9, by SilverDarkHorse Wandmaker

11th March 2015:
Hello again, and Iím here with your requested review.

Just one point before I start Ė you said that Harry became an Animagus in your first story. In that case, you might want to add an authorís note to the first chapter of this one to let people know itís a sequel or in the same universe or something of the sort. That might clear up the confusion.

Okay, on to the review now.

I like this first scene. Itís interesting to learn about wand cores, wand woods and wandless magic, and you explain things very well Ė itís a definite improvement from the first two chapters, so well done! The story about how Ollivanderís ancestors travelled from the Med to England is interesting Ė and Iíd also love to know how they knew about Druid methods of wandlore. Itís probably not essential to this scene, but Iím curious now. The idea of oneís own magical core being a substitute for the wand core is a novel one, and I hope youíll explore that in future chapters.

Ah, so Harry has guessed what the Druids know about wand woods choosing wizards. This is intriguing. Youíre building up a bit of suspense here, so thatís great. The explanation youíve given about Ollivander choosing Oak as a substitute for Holly makes sense regarding geographical aspects makes sense and is great detail. Iíd also recommend including if Oak and Holly have any similarities in their power or characteristics that might help Harry more than any other woods.

Ooh, now the plot is getting hot. So Cadwagan isnít as innocent as supposed, then. The moral ambiguity youíve brought in here is nice. He obviously wants his sacred lands back, but he isnít above kidnapping Harry and letting harm come to him if thatís what it takes. Umbridge is an interesting addition, and certainly one that I didnít expect. Great plot twist. I would like to know how and why she is here Ė canonically sheís supposed to be in Azkaban for crimes against Muggleborns, so did she escape? Was she freed? Unless you reveal all in later chapters, an explanation Ė perhaps some scenes from Umbridgeís POV or similar would work. And Dara is now wise to this plot, isnít she? Maybe Cadwagan isnít as smart as he thinks then!

Fredís portrait is a nice idea. So sweet! I see you give us a small hint that thereís some form of bad blood between Umbridge, Lestrange and Harry, and Iím hoping itís developed more in the future. Your characterization of Malfoy has improved. He seems more in character now than in the first chapter, and very well done on that. The banter between Malfoy and Ron is excellent Ė it flows very naturally. You inject little bits of humour into this very well Ė for example, Ronís stomach growling.

So the witch in the picture is Cliodna Cadwagan. One sub-mystery solved! I would be interested to know how exactly Dara knew that there was a picture of Cliodna at the apothecary, and how she was sure Harry received the message. Hopefully you reference it again soon. So the last scene is also very interesting. You bring together Umbridge, Dumbledore and Druid magic. Just a teaser of sorts as yet, more will be revealed soon, I expect. A little too dialogue-oriented here, some more description wouldnít go amiss. Otherwise it feels a tad rushed.

Overall, this chapter was very good. It brings some important points in your plotline, and the story development and characterization is much better than in the previous chapters Ė there is a definite improvement. So, very well done, and hope this review is helpful.

SilverDarkHorse x.

Author's Response: Your review really enlightens me. I really appreciate that you read my story deeply and left helpful review. And your opinion always reminds me of the important things: the more time I spent in writing and thinking the plot, the more fascinating my story was. And at the same time I am taken aback how thoughtless I was by your profound review, again. Your opinion made me realize I should've thought harder the plot and my expression was not enough. Thanks for pointing out the things I've forgotten.
I'll plant those seeds I scattered watering with your advice and encouragement, try to let them bloom properly.


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Review #10, by SilverDarkHorse Godfather

9th March 2015:
Hello, Iím here again with your requested review.

The first scene is interesting. Youíve developed the conversation between Andrew and Harry well Ė itís specially good that Andrew, while still a young boy, can understand the difference between right and wrong Ė and knows that his stepfather wants him to do the correct thing, in spite of his natural (and very understandable) want for revenge. Youíve shown Harryís emotions and thoughts remarkable well here too, these lines in particular were very effective: ďHe felt the pain he had held down inside his heart for years surfaced off again. If Sirius was still alive, Harry could live with him anywhere they wanted like a real son and a real father. Of course he respected his own parent and he loved them but it was Sirius who let Harry feel that he was loved for the first time in his childhood.Ē We often forget that Harry is also still very young, and probably longs for some sort of father-figure in his life. One things you can do to make this scene a little more immersive is to add some dialogue tags and description Ė perhaps describe how Andrew looked when he approached Harry (did he blus, was he shifty-eyed) or how Harry regarded his request (maybe he wondered why Andrew wanted to practise right away, since the thereís still two weeks left before the match) Ė since the beginning of the scene is a little dialogue heavy.

Ah, now youíre tying in the runes seen at the apothecary with healing magic taught to Aurors. Itís certainly intriguing Ė so as I understand, the Serpentine, when engraved with the correct rune, will work both on cursed heat and on healing. What I like is that you havenít made the healing stones overly powerful, and have set some sensible boundaries and restrictions on their magic Ė such as taking into account the power levels of the casters of the curse and the abilities of the healers who are using the stones.

The dialogue here among Ron, Harry, Neville, Dean and Seamus also sounds very natural, so kudos on that. The next part, when Harry and Ron are in the Black Lake is reminiscent of the Triwizard Tournament, but still has your own spin on it. Itís nicely detailed, though I would recommend breaking up that particular paragraph into two smaller ones, as it is quite long at present.

Ah the little exchange between Ginny and Harry, including the kiss is very tender and sweet. Yes, I can easily imagine Ginny being anxious to perform well in front of Gwenog Jones. I also noticed that the first to approach Hermione when she has the fever is Ron, and that touched my inner Romione-shipper very much.

All right, now comes the dream. Honestly, I found this part to be quite confusing Ė and not intriguing enough to hold my attention. When you say ďhe had the weird dream again,Ē that implies heís had it before, but you havenít given us a hint anywhere to say that. The silver doe and cross do arouse my curiosity, as does Siriusí advice to ask his tree, but Harryís Animagus being a horse is really throwing me a curve ball. Where did that suddenly come from? I was under the impression that this is canonical up to now, and this is a sudden shock. As such unprecedented Animagus abilities are often the forerunners of ďsuper!HarryĒ stories (and Iím sure this is not one of those?) my suggestion would be to give us some hints of this ability earlier in the story Ė and maybe a little explanation as to how/why he became one.

The exchange between Andromeda and Harry was excellent. You have an innate ability to evoke emotions and make powerful comparisons between characters and circumstances, and this is evident here. Harryís thoughts about Teddyís future and his parents, and Andromedaís comparison to Bellatrix were well written. Iím sure you include more comparisons of the sort in future chapters, and I am sure they are all as good as this one.

So thatís about it for this chapter. Hope it was helpful!

SilverDarkHorse x.

Author's Response: I'd like to answer your question. Why is Harry's animagi a horse, which was written in my first fanfic story, but as you say I have to explain more in this chapter.

Druidic stone magic is almost my original idea inspired by "Merlin" BBC drama. So my description may be hard to understand, as you pointed out, I need to rewrite it in detail for readers.

Authors sometimes have self-satisfaction, so review like you did is needed. Thank you so much!

Your review really enlightens me. I can think over to which part I should add infomation or where I did a good job from your profound review.


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Review #11, by Hogwarts27 Trace

7th March 2015:
I enjoyed reading the conversation about Lily and druid magic. In my last review I almost wrote that I wondered if there was some tie between Cliodna's blonde hair and green eyes and Harry's eyes, and in this chapter I get the answer. The music box idea was brilliant! You're making the druid magic fit very well into a Harry Potter story.

I was puzzled by Harry's animagus change. Even with Dumbledore's explanation, I wonder if it's going to change again.

Author's Response: I really appreciate that you keep reading my story.

The question you have, there is an answer in this chapter:

'In the shades of red and blue Harry was sleeping. He was naked in the water. He heard the song through the sound of gentle wave with regular beats like heartbeats. He was closing his eyes but he could see the scene, a stag and a doe were dancing with a young deer in his brain.'

His father's Patronus was a Stag, and mother's a doe so, I think Harry's animagus form should be a Stag as his Patronus.
But in my story, Harry can't have confidence, he sometimes goes astray in his younger days as a trainee Auror. So I made up the story like that. After this chapeter, weird thing will happen related to his animagus form,again. I hope you'll keep reading next chapters.


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Review #12, by SilverDarkHorse Apothecary

7th March 2015:
Hello! Finally here with your requested review. A thousand apologies for the massive delay - uni started up again, and I was drowning in work.

First of all, kudos to you for trying your hand at writing something that isn't in your first language. It's hard to do, but you are faring quite well.

This is a very, very interesting premise - a good start to the story. It will be interesting to see how the Druids and their brand of old magic fit into Harry's world. The introductory scene was effective because you gave us four vital points - introducing Dara, linking Harry to the Druids, touching on Dumbledore's dealings with them, and introducing some of the Druid lands. It would have been nice if you'd given a little more backstory on the Druids - who are the people that aren't giving their lands back, or what sort of fights they had, or how Dara was affected by it - to solidify the beginning. That will probably be coming in the next few chapters, I suppose, but it is always a good idea to establish the connections between the Druid lands and the rest of the wizarding world early on in the plot.

Your use of detail is good. The idea of using known canon characters such as Proudfoot, Cattermole and Dedalus instead of needlessly creating OCs, enriches the story. Well done on that aspect.

The exchange at the Apothecary was interesting. Harry feeling that the castle was familiar to him added a little depth to the chapter. Again, the detail about the healing stones enriches the scene. A little bit more description would also help the scene along, interspersed among the dialogue.

As far as characterisation goes, I do love your interpretation of Ernie MacMillan. He has all the fairness and sense of justice of a Hufflepuff, but also that spark of spirit ans gumption that is uniquely his. Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny seem to be all right so far, though a tad colourless. Maybe adding some narrative about their thoughts or feelings would improve them. The same goes for Dara - a good introduction, but needs solidifying through narrative of thought and dialogue.

I'm reserving my opinion on Draco for the moment. I'd like to see how he develops in future chapters. I feel like he's a bit OOC at the moment - too mellow and too understanding. As this story is canon-compliant, so, though Draco knows he's been in the wrong earlier, it's unlikely that he'll do a complete turn-around and be nice and reasonable all at once - people are generally too set in their ways for that.

That aside, this promises to be an original and interesting story. I hope you found this review helpful, and do feel free to request again.

SilverDarkHorse x.

Author's Response: Thank you so much, SilverDarkHorse. Your review is one of the best reviews I've taken so far.

Your advice will be a good guide when I'll rewrite this chapter. I got ready for writing Druidic magic, but as you say, it was not enough, so I'll add some more detail sooner or later.

Talking of Draco, I'm still wondering which way to go, so your suggestion really helps a lot.

I'll request again as you can spare time for this story. :)



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Review #13, by SunshineDaisies Apothecary

7th March 2015:
Hello!

So first of all, I have to say how impressed I am that you are writing novels in a second language. It really shows an exceptional amount of skill in the language, so bravo!

There were definitely some grammar issues throughout the story that really interrupted the flow of reading, but a beta reader should be able to help with that. There were also a few awkward sentences. I always recommend reading your writing out loud when it's finished, that should catch some of it!

I love the way the plot is taking shape here. Seeing how the Druids play into Harry's world is going to be very interesting, and I think you've set everything in motion very well here. I love that you've included details Rowling gave us about the trio after the war, and I like that you've placed Harry and Ron at Hogwarts, so we can see the rest of the cast as well.

I think the post-war reactions people are having here are very realistic. Things won't become perfectly harmonious over night, there's a recovery period, and I think you've demonstrated that very well.

I would've liked to see a bit more in the way of characterization here. There's definitely some, but I think there's some missed opportunity for more development. Everything a character does is a chance to get their character across, so while we're getting an idea at times (when Draco reacts to Astoria, for example), but I think you could do a bit more. Adding some description of tone or facial expression between dialogue is a good way to start at this!

I hope this was helpful to you! Happy writing!

Author's Response: Thank you for leaving your comments, I really appreciate.

Your advice'Adding some description of tone or facial expression between dialogue is a good way to start at this!' should be kept in my mind and your encouragement keeps me writing.

Thanks again, your review is really helpful!


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Review #14, by Hogwarts27 Wandmaker

5th March 2015:
This was another great chapter. I enjoyed the wand making lesson and reading about the tree wood. And then a promising plot starts to unfold as we see what Umbridge is planning. And I enjoyed the part where Harry gets a warning about it later on from Cliodna in the picture.

Ha Ha - I laughed when I read about the Harry toy figure at the joke shop because I almost decided to put the same thing in the joke shop chapter of my own story, but then decided not to. I thought it was interesting that Fred's portrait seemed to know what was happening with Umbridge. Really good story so far! I'm enjoying it when I have time to read.

Author's Response: Thank you again for your kind review.
After reading your wandlore story, I remembered this chapter of my story, then you stopped by to leave review! I was very happy at the coincidence.

Talkig of Fred, I really miss him, twins.
Harry must have missed him, too. So I wanted to let him enter the stage, and I'd like to make him do somewhere in my story again.

I really like your wandlore story with Dumbledore and Olivander. Please keep writing. :)



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Review #15, by Hogwarts27 Godfather

3rd March 2015:
Great Chapter! I enjoyed all of it. My favorite part was the dive into the lake for the stones. Merpeople singing the same song as Andromeda was brilliant! And you even showed us the words - that was great! I enjoyed Harry's dream too. I'm guessing the tree will be part of druid magic too. This seems like the start of a very creative plot.

Author's Response: Thank you for leaving nice review!

It took much time for me to write this chapter, so I'm glad you like it. :)

Your great suggestion always let me think I need to reread and rewrite this story, which reminds me of first feeling when I started this story.


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Review #16, by Hogwarts27 Apothecary

3rd March 2015:
Hi, I enjoyed this chapter. It was a good read, and thought it was a good start to a new story. I liked the short opening scene about the druid lands. This already promises the reader the story is going to deal with these problems and develop an interesting plot.

I also like the conflict between the houses against Slytherin for how they behaved in the Rowling books. It makes sense that other houses would have hard feelings about that.

Malfoy owning an apothecary is an interesting idea. I think he could be very successful with it, and I think it suits him well.

One suggestion I would make for both of your sequels is to include a little more story summary than just saying they are sequels. Even for a sequel, I think it's good to describe a little of what the general plot will be, so the reader can decide if it's something they might like. :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your awesome review! Writers want to keep going, but sometimes we feel uneasy when we can't guess how readers think after their reading. So I really appreciate for your leaving your thoughts.

In my opinion Dumbledore, even now he is dead, he keeps giving influence on teachers and leaders like Kingsley or Harry. And Hermione always sees things in the right direction, supports Harry to carry on.

Speaking of Draco, my plot may be close to your idea in your story, (if you don't think that way, sorry). He also has right to start fresh life.


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Review #17, by TreacleTart Apothecary

2nd March 2015:
Hi There,

I'm here with a review from our swap!

What an interesting story. So Draco and Hermione have returned to Hogwarts, but Harry and Ron have skipped school to become Aurors . Better yet they've been given the task of watching Draco.

The personalities that you've created for each character are good. They seem to stay in line with the characters in the books. Ron is especially well-written.

I'm curious to see how the Druids tie into this. I have to admit the opening and then the reference to them in the apothecary made me wonder what would happen.

If I can offer one critique I would suggest taking a look at some of the grammar. I noticed that you tend to leave words like "the", "a", or "an" out quite a bit. Maybe having a beta reader could help you with this.

Otherwise, I really liked this chapter. I think you've created a lot of potential for a suspenseful, interesting story!

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: Thanks for stopping by,Kaitlin.
Articles sometimes annoys me.
I got a good beta reader, so I'll ask her about grammar little by little.

Thd idea around druidic things I tried to write was not good enough so I have to write more. I'm thinking to add things in detail.


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Review #18, by Violet Potter 434 Ginnyís Angst

13th February 2015:
whole story was amazing so keep writing and don't stop or I'll be forced to ask you to get someone else to keep writing your story for you, even if it means I have to(which is not a good idea ,as you'll find out when my first ever chapter comes out by the end of next week hopefully, I sent it today)
I've read all three of your stories and was deeply impressed I have to say this one is my favourite as im Scottish my self and druids are Celtic belief and Celtic is obviously Scottish, Irish, welsh and in the isle of Mann , Cornwall and Brittany as you already know and I have to say it was you and my grandma who is fully Scottish (I'm not I'm Irish (other side of family) and English - I live there)who inspired me too right this new book about Celtic magic and druids
anyway love your story
from Violet potter 434 /me x

Author's Response: Thank you again for your review, Violet. I just only know a little bit of Scottish tradition. I need to learn more, Hogwarts was born in Edinburgh by J.K.Rowling
, obviously, so in my opinion, writers sometimes need to describe things bringing a kind of Scottish essence in the story. I hope you'll enjoy writing your new story. :)

Talking about Celtic, yes, I know a little bit of traditional Celtic songs which influence a lot on my stories, I'm glad you enjoyed this. Thank you!


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Review #19, by ginnyharrypotter1 Dumbledoreís Style and A Frosty Christmas

17th July 2014:
when are you going to write next chapter.. please update, i am waiting for the next chapter ages and i have read this story for 4 times until 30th chapter. Cant wait to know what happens next, great story

Author's Response: Thank you for your encouragement, ginnyharrypotter1.

Next chapter is one-shot story,"Hogmanay", if you read this, you'll find what happened next between Harry and Ginny.

Please read my third fanfiction "Harry Potter and Broomstick Makers", so you'll know their love relationship.

I'm struggling to express twists and turns of the story like J.K.Rowling, inserting some crime story and magic mystery.
Thank you for your kind comments, I greatly appreciate your support. :)


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Review #20, by jules Dracoís Angst

8th November 2013:
Great job!

Too much dialog, just needs more description. Otherwise, flawless.

Author's Response: You're right, jules. The latter chapters of this story I might have written them in haste, so I must describe more as you say. Thanks!

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Review #21, by jules Godfather

8th November 2013:
Hiya! Still really good! Just work on a few things here and there, like spelling and grammar. Sometimes flow can be disturbed.

I really like Harry in this, you write him beautifully. He's perfect!

Author's Response: Thank you again, jules :)
I'll reread this chapter again.
I always try to describe Harry not to lose the essence J.K.Rowling wrote. If it works out right, I'll be really happy.


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Review #22, by jules Apothecary

8th November 2013:
Hi! A really good first chapter! If I were to offer some constructive criticism, all I would say is that you use dialogue a lot. Add some description in between dialogue phrases :D

Author's Response: Hi, jules
Thank you for your review! Your advice let me reconsider about describing the story background and the situation, thank you! :)


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Review #23, by dtinch Dumbledoreís Style and A Frosty Christmas

24th October 2013:
another great chapter is harry going to use knott later as he just let knott go so in way he owes harry his life or is that the last we hear from knott

Author's Response: Thank you, again for your review, dtinch:),
I really appreciate for that. All of your reviews will make this story go on, thank you for your support, really. I also need to expand my expression, vocabulary, so if I have extra time, I'll come back to rewrite the past chapters.


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Review #24, by Druna_Romione Godfather

10th October 2013:
Wow you could be a famous author, i love your story line it is just so good (almost as good as JK Rowling herself and that is saying something)
i cannot find a fault in this chapter its awesome and the best fanfic i have read so far please write lots of other stories so i can goggle over how amazing they are
From
Druna_Romione

Author's Response: Druna_Romione,
Thank you for encouraging me to keep on writing. I reread the chapter two and I reckon I found some grammatical errors. I really have to proofread over and over again. I also had an error in the Response I wrote yesterday in the train from my cell phone, I should've added 'been' to the last part of the response to your review. Grammatical advice also is welcomed. I really would like to write and learn the way like native speakers. I always try to write the exciting one, if you feel it, I'm very glad, thank you.


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Review #25, by Druna_Romione Apothecary

9th October 2013:
I really like this chapter it is, on the whole really good however there are a few points where i am confused. Is there a particular reason why harry and Ron are trying to protect Draco rather than trying to kill him and why is Malfoy still at school and harry and Ron aren't. Apart from that it is such a good story so far. I especially like that fact that you jump from one world to another

Author's Response: Thank you for your comment, Druna_Romione. Your review let me keep on writing. I described about why Draco are studying at Hogwarts somewhere, but I forgot which chapter. In my story, Dumbledore loved all students of Hogwarts, after his death McGonagall followed his will, Dumledore thought Draco was also a victim of Voldemort, so he thought Hogwarts should give him a chance. On the contrary, the most of the Aurors don't think so , so they are watching including Harry and Ron , who have already trainee Aurors. If you have any questions please write again, thank you.


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