again, tenses and commas are things to keep track of.
also, it seems unlikely that lexi would be completely unconcerned about her safety while in a dark alley by herself (like, she doesn't see anything unsafe about it) when women are basically socialized to fear that kind of situation.
also, pumpkin juice is a wizarding world drink. major tip off right there.Author's Response: Yeah, I've always had a problem with over punctuation and tense. Hopefully you can see me working on this in later chapters. Although Lexi is awkward and shy around people, I also wanted her to come across as subtly brave and head strong- the reasons she ends up in Griffindor- which is why she was unafraid of the alley along with the fact she had a wand. As for the pumpkin juice, i am quite fond of it myself (I have my own home made recipe) and you can buy it in shops so I didn't see a problem with it. Hope that I helped you understand the reasoning to this chapter a little more and thank you for reviewing. xx Report Review
okay this might be kind of nit-picky but as someone who lives in florida, florida's summers actually contain a huge number of thunderstorms (daily ones, actually- it's basically our wet season), so it's actually not obvious that the sun would be out.
also today imples present tense, but everything else is in past tense. just a note.
also be careful with there/they're/their and other homonyms(saw at least one mistake) and other grammatical things (you said were instead of where). commas are your friend. look out for run-on sentences.
also i wish you'd show more about alexis than tell. you say she's generally quiet and you say that seh get's into awkward situations often, but there's no evidence (of course, you don't want massive anecdotes, either, and it's also the second chapter, but i'm definitely expecting to see evidence of this in later chapters).
also, alexis believes in this chapter that albus wouldn't judge her for anything, which runs counter to what was said in the previous chapter.
lastly, regarding ages, it's difficult to go off of driving age because every state's driving age is different. for example, in florida, permit age is 15 and license age is 16, but in massachusetts permit age is 16 and license age is 17. just something to think about.Author's Response: Hey. I am always open to criticism so don't worry about it. This is actually very helpful as i am doing some serious editing on the early chapters to back up characters. And like I've said, i'm from Scotland and have never been to America and I don't know about the weather patterns and driving ages so thanks for your help. Much appreciated xx Report Review
hey. this looks like a nice start to a memoir-like story? the last paragraph, at least, makes it seem like a memoir, which would be cool, actually. Report Review
I'm so happy albums and lexi have patched things up! Please get lexi to get rid of Ben and forget the list!! I love this story it's so funny and interesting! Please update soon, I can't wait to read on and see albus and lexi in a relationship! PLEASE :) thanks!
Ps. I would give this way more than 10/10 if I could :DAuthor's Response: Ha, thanks. I'm really glad you like it, I am just finishing off the next chapter and editing. so it should be up soon. xx Report Review
Love this, I'm really glad that Lexi and Albus are getting closer. can't wait to find out what happens next. Update soon.Author's Response: Thanks, just edited this chapter. xx Report Review
I love the story but I'm a grammar nazi so every grammatical error just kills me you could use a beta. Keep it up :)Author's Response: Heyy, thanks for the suggestion. It is something I am currently already thinking about. Thank you for taking the time to review :) xx Report Review
Oh My God! I love this story so much! I love the relationships between the characters and how you describe everything! I hope Lexi chooses Albus over Ben for sure, I love Albus and him and Lexi seem so perfect together! Anyway I cant wait for the next update! I'm addicted to this story!Author's Response: Aw, thanks you are so kind, next update shouldn't take long :) xx Report Review
I love this story so much! I wouldn't worry about this chapter not being connected cause like you said it will be later on. Can't wait for more love!Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading :) I am glad that you like it. xx Report Review
I like this chapter, it explains a lot!
I think that Mandy only misread that letter because she didn't want to see the truth. Albus clearly wrote "get back where we were before our relationship got so complicated with dates". I don't think that Lexi was a rebound, like she said.
I'm not sure if I want to see James and Lexi together. I really like them. I'm afraid that their friendship won't be the same after they break up (she'll have to be with Albus in the end) and I don't want James to be hurt. Besides, James would be a rebound and he doesn't deserve that. I never want to see the characters I like down, but I know that their lives can't be perfect.
But I wouldn't be surprised if something happened between them. Maybe that's even necessary, so they'll be sure that they are better being friends than lovers. This way, they would break up, but it wouldn't be so bad. I'd like to see that, I think!
P.S. Sorry if my English isn't perfect, it's not my native language.Author's Response: Hi, thanks that it what I was trying to portray with Mandy. I am not sure how the lexi and james relationship will pan out but I never did say that lexi and Albus would get together in the end but we will see! Thanks for taking the time to review xx Report Review
This is a really good introduction to what I think will be a great story! Alexis seems like a nice girl, and you've really established her character.
Just a heads up - it helps readability if you proof read your work. There are a few spelling and grammar errors (ie 'I was will to do anything', 'trunk in toe' instead of tow)
Other than that, a good start!Author's Response: Thanks and yes I really do need to work on that :) I will be editing over all my chapters soon to smooth out any bumps:) xx Report Review
Ooh it's getting exciting :) your writing style has improved a bit- I'm not sure if you noticed but I did :) still love your story and hope that Lexi forgives Albus for what he's done :) keep it up xAuthor's Response: Aww, thanks. I think it is just because I am enjoying writing it more:) and we'll see about Lexi and Albus xx
I don't hate u if that's any consolation and I think what u did was clever cos the story would have been over if they'd just gotten together :) I'm annoyed at albus tho.. The mushroom :p hehe keep writing!!Author's Response: Yeah, its been in the works for a while as a away to break up the story and add drama. Im glad you liked it :) xx Report Review
Heya :) awesome chappy!! Loved that part with James haha :) one thing I would recommend though is that sometimes ur story moves so fast it's kind of hard to keep up :/ please don't take offence ur a great writer though the pace perhaps could do with a bit of work. I liked the reactions of seeing each other, I thought u portrayed that very well :D so yay for another chapter!! HeheAuthor's Response: Thanks and yeah I completly agree with you :) I have always had problems with pacing and am trying to work on it :) Im glad that you liked the chapter and thanks for reading
CauldronCharm130 xx Report Review
Ooh it's getting intense :) I like the near misses it's almost like dramatic irony :p and it's sad about her mum and stuff but surely after a long time apart her mum will begin to let it go... Well one can only hope :p keep it up :)Author's Response: Yeah that's what I was going for:) Next chapter should be more interesting hopefully :) xx Report Review
Awwwee,your dedication was sweet.Don't even mention it!I love reading new stories.I feel bad for Albus but he's keeping the same secret she is.He obviously doesn't know that but how much bigger of a secret could he think she has than being magical?haha So when is she gonna see Albus again?Getting her supplies at Diagon Alley?When she goes to Hogwarts?Can't wait to see in the next chapter!:)Author's Response: Thanks :) I'm glad you're enjoying it :) as for when they meet you will just have to wait and see :P hehe xx Report Review
Please update soon! ! I can't wait for Al's reaction when he finds out!!! 1000/1000 this story is great ^.^Author's Response: Thank you so much :) the next chapter should be up within the next two days hopefully :) xx Report Review
Hey u added 2 in one day!! I officially love you!! Ok maybe not but still hehe... I think this chapter was done really well cos it kinda shows that maybe they won't be too annoyed when they find out each others secrets :) well I hope... :/ hehe I've decided I'm gonna keep reviewing ur story cos I know it's difficult starting out and the way to encourage people is the number of reviews!! So this is my support for you!! READ THIS STORY PEOPLE!! :)Author's Response: Ha Ha, I know, i'v been on a bit of a roll today, just sent the next chapter off for validation so hopefully tomorrow. I can believe that you are reviewing my story, you are too kind. You'll just have to wait and see with Al and Lexi, (I think it will be the chapter after next) Thank you for being so encoraging of my writting. xx Report Review
I knew it was coming but that just made me really sad I hope when they me at hogwarts that he'll forgive her :) it's really good so far :) and I'm really enjoying it!! Glad u updated so soon hehe u made my morning :pAuthor's Response: Oh I know. I was so mad at myself after I wrote it, I wanted to go back and change it but it had to be like that. I actually have the next chapter up for validation right know so it should be up soon, I hope. Thank you so much for reading, your review just made my day. xx Report Review
I like this.Maybe I haven't read enough stories on here but this seems like a different concept to me.I haven't seen a story where they're both hiding that they're magic from each other.Update soon please!:)Author's Response: So excited for my first ever review. I am actually on holiday so am hoping to have more up really soon. Thank you so much for being so kind :) xx Report Review
Hey I think your story is really good so far- I usually don't start reading brand new stories but you're a good writer and this is a fab original idea. I hope you don't give up :) give it some time for people to check it out and review you!! Also recommend uploading it on fanfiction . net
I think this is brill so far, and I love Lexi's character, she's not too plastic and just right :) I hope you keep it going x
Ellen-mayAuthor's Response: Thanks, I'm the same. I normally only read completed fanfiction so wasn't expecting to get such lovely reviews so quickly, especially since this is my first story that I have posted on line. I'm glad you like Lexi. I'm trying really hard to have her come off as a normal girl and not quite so "typical". I promise I won't give up because i'm really enjoying writing this. Thank you for your kind words :) xx Report Review
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