This is so sad I can't even read it when I have these tears in my eyes. You are a wonderful person and thank you for writing this. xxAuthor's Response: Awww! This review was so, so sweet. I'm sorry I made you cry, but so pleased that you enjoyed this ♥
Thank you so much for taking the time to stop by and review, I really appreciate it! ♥
Jami Report Review
That was beautifully written. You had me in tears by the end. and I love the part about peter.Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing! I'm so happy you enjoyed this. Peter was one of my favorite parts to write in it ♥
Jami Report Review
HPFF is going to kill me. I have read three pieces of writing today about the marauders and my emotions are just about shot. Having them stacked up in this one-shot, punctuated by 'and now he's just a casualty of war' makes me want to curl up into a ball and propel myself down a hill. And for me this is a very bad thing because it rained earlier and it is very muddy outside, but for you this is a good thing because this means you wrote something that evoked very strong feelings in me as the reader. The words you chose to portray each person were carefully-selected and very beautiful summations of each; and I liked the order you chose to list them in, too.
You began with Lily, who is simultaneously angelic and uplifting and also dark, because she's a witch, a heroine who used magic as a weapon when need be. And then James inevitably came after, as if attached by a string, followed by Remus. Remus is always in the middle. He was a good friend of James's but not good enough to be godfather. A good friend of Lily's and a good friend of Sirius's, but not good enough to be the best friend. But he was valuable all the same. I like how you described him, and my favorite line in the whole one-shot is about him:
You have to understand, that was just how Remus was. He could bear the heaviest of burdens as long as he thought you'd never have to suffer.
Remus always tried keeping his burdens to himself. He lived a ravaged life - all of the surviving marauders did - and I'm thankful that at least towards the end he found a bit of happiness. He left a lasting legacy behind.
And then comes Sirius, who is like the opposite of Lily because whereas she's a delicate meadow, the only remnant of her being a laugh, Sirius is a tornado. He's a storm, a contradiction, a complexity. You captured his essence very well. This right here I absolutely loved:
Now watch that small patch of blue as it slips subtly through the clouds. Smell the scent of the rain drops still left over on the dewy grass... that's Sirius Black.
Perfect, perfect description.
And what you said about Peter is so true. It's so much more preferable to simply believe that he was bad from the start, that he was always a traitor and the other marauders were doing him a charitable favor just by letting him breathe their heroic air. He's someone we'll never be able to fully understand, no matter how much we want to. Sometimes characters, and people for that matter, just cannot be made transparent under a microscope. There's always bits that hide from you.
And I think Peter's section was the saddest, really, because he truly is the 'lost' marauder. He could have died young like James and Lily and been admired as a memory, or he could have been falsely framed like Sirius and spent twelve years in Azkaban, to be labeled as a hero only after his eventual death, but he didn't. Peter wanted to live, no matter what the cost. The existence he led was a half-life, hanging by a thread, but he held on.
There are just too many casualties of war. :( Reading about these five friends whose deaths spanned sixteen years - two of them dying in the first wizarding war and three dying in the second - it was so sad but also very beautiful, and you wrote it very well. :)Author's Response: Hi Sarah! Thank you for such a lovely swap!
Haha I noticed that Dan requested Waiting Room, and yeah. Figured you'd be in trouble at that point with all these feels :P
I think the fact that, by the end of it, all the Marauders die just breaks my heart when I let it. I get all those feelings and needed to get them out, and showing that in the end, they were all just people stuck in a war felt like the best way to leak my sads over everyone else :P
Remus ended up being one of the sections I really enjoyed writing. I liked taking the opportunity to sort of show how much darker it all got after Lily and James. It's terrible that they died, but they didn't have to live through a lot of the terrible stuff that their friends did. So starting with those two and giving them, especially Lily, a more angelic feeling really seemed to work. And I can't even tell you how much these compliments mean to me coming from you ♥
Sirius. Oh gosh. Well, by your username I think it's pretty clear we'd both jump off a cliff for this fictional man. He's often so abused in FF. A player or just James's sidekick or brainless and ugh. I hate it. Getting to talk about who he really was though from what we know of him, and then adding some of my head canon in there is always so much fun. I think we should probably just go find him and hug him, yeah?
That's exactly how I feel about Peter. He was dragged through the mud, and he should be. He made a terrible choice then was too afraid to go back on it, and he isn't a hero like the rest of his friends died being.
I'm seriously going to be in a pile of mush for the rest of the night. I'm so happy you enjoyed this, and I can't tell you how much your compliments mean to me ♥ Report Review
I heard this story as a podcast and I must say that you've managed to do an incredibly good job with this.
I loved the way that you wrote about the different characters and had their back story, having what made them them, and I especially loved how you had that they were all casualties of war.
The way that you seperated each character using those words was brilliant.
I really enjoyed this story, and I loved the idea behind this. Great job!Author's Response: Hi m'dear! (or dears?)
I'm so happy that you liked both the story and the podcast! I had a lot of feels I needed to get out about these characters, and this really seemed to do the trick!
Thanks so much for stopping by to read and review ♥
Jami Report Review
So, I listened to the podcast of this story and couldn't help but come and read it too. I absolutely loved it! I have just one word for this amazing piece of writing which is WOW.
Your writing style is so unique and original, and it's something I have not come across before, so kudos for that. I liked how you, as the author, addressed your readers and talked about the characters like you were telling a tale (and well you were) and that really was very effective. I also liked how you titled each character's segment, that was a nice touch. On that note, every title was very fitting to the character's, and I especially loved Peter's and Remus'.
Your descriptions of all your characters are just amazing too. I loved your portrayal of Lily and her 'perfection'. It was very fitting indeed. The entire paragraph beginning from "A soul like hers doesnít go into a war and come out without a trace of tainting, though..." and ending with "...kissing your skin with its wings." was just so beautiful it made my heart melt. Your imagery was just superb here and I really liked it a lot.
Likewise, I enjoyed the segments of James and Sirius and Remus and Peter too. James' description was very impacting, and the narrative had a tone of admiration for him, and that really came through to me which was great. As for Remus, you depicted him so aptly. I was pleased to see that you did complete justice to his complex character while describing him and I just wanted to reach out to him, it was all so moving.
Similarly, you described Sirius' suffering so well, it touched me, and at the same time his description had a kind of 'fire' in it and I just loved that. Finally, Peter, well I have no words. You really showed him in such a different light than how authors usually portray him, and that was brilliant. I liked how you expressed him as the 'lost marauder', and I even managed to sympathise with him a little, and that, my dear, is a great achievement so congrats =)
All in all, your writing was just so perfect. I loved the concept - especially that of ending each character's segment with the same sentence of him/her being a casualty of war - it was very powerful and moving. The grammar was flawless, writing style impeccable, and the flow was very smooth. I really liked this a lot and was totally hooked while reading as well as listening.
I don't have any CC for you at all, this was just so perfect! 10/10!
(AditiDraco95)Author's Response: Hi Angie!! Aww I'm so happy that you liked the podcast enough to come check out the story!
I had a lot of fun kind making this more of an intimate style. I'm so happy that you enjoyed that it was a bit different. I'm sure there will be plenty of people who don't love the odd no narrator sort of thing, but it was so much fun to do!
I think that Lily's section was definitely the softest. I wanted to give her a sort of unearthly feel, and thank you so much for your compliments about the imagery!! You're so sweet!
Sirius and Remus are both such tragic parts about the HP series. They both come so close to having everything they wanted, so close to being able to just live the rest of their lives. And that gets snatched away from them and it's just too sad :(.
I really, really got into Peter's section. I kind of had to make peace with him before starting my Marauders novel, and now I actually get sad when people hate them because, as you said, I've sort of put a different spin on things in my own head.
Thank you so much for leaving me this amazing review, m'dear &heart; And for the tip over at HPPC! Sorry for not replying to that, I read it on my phone and I keep forgetting. But I'll absolutely take your suggestion to keep things less cluttered :)
Thank you again so much m'dear for stopping by and leaving all these wonderful fuzzy feels in me!!! Report Review
This is one of the best Marauder's era pieces I've ever read. Suffice to say I'm adding it to my favorites.
The imagery...I could go on and on about how your beautiful imagery kept me reading each word, even though I know the "ending" of this sad story. You're like a poet, twisting the words to an art that just touched my soul.
The style is just perfect. Each "casualty" had their own slot, own story within this story. Each of these characters caught my attention (even Pettigrew), and earned my sympathy (even empathy in some cases.).
The strong bond between these characters is only touched briefly upon, but it was just enough for me to tear up :(.
Geez, way to ace this. It was a sad story, but, I don't know, you had a way of weaving in a sense of hope through it all. Well, I picked up on a tone of hope in it anyways :P
It was all just brilliant. BRAVO!
JackAuthor's Response: Hi Jack! Thank you so much for stopping by!
Awww ♥ Thank you so much for all your amazing compliments. I'm a bit obsessed with this era, mainly these five. Sometimes when I'm working on Before They Fall, I get so sad when I think about what's going to eventually happen to all my babies. And then, well, stuff like this story happens when I have to run my feels all over the page :P
I'm really happy that each character was able to grab your attention. It was hard for me not to give Sirius too much special attention, because I just love that man. But I hope it seemed all evened out pretty well.
Thank you again for coming by to review ♥ And for all your insanely kind compliments!
Jami Report Review
Yet another well written story! And OMG THE FEELS! I barely just managed not to cry. I loved the part about Peter. Great oneshot. :)Author's Response: I KNOW! FEELS! That's how I felt when I wrote this. I just had too many bouncing around inside me and they wouldn't get out.
You're spoiling me with reviews today, m'dear ♥ Thank you so much for stopping by, and I'm so happy you liked this!
Jami Report Review
Two in one day. I'm on a roll!
Can I just say how much I love it when I see authors try something new? It doesn't always work (and by the way, this TOTALLY works), but I think it's important to experiment with style, even if only to find out you're really most comfortable writing they way you did before. And I totally get the excess feelings and needing to put them into words. I'm still not quite over Krum and Rose :P
Obviously this is very unique in its style, with a sort of ethereal feel to it, but I was really happy to see that you didn't take it so far as to make it a metaphor, wrapped in a simile, masquerading as an allegory. It's probably more personal taste than anything, but I like how this wasn't poetic just to be poetic. There is something lyrical and rhythmic about the writing but without feeling self-indulgent.
I'm not sure what, if anyone or anything, you picture as the narrator here, and I like that you've left that open. For me, it almost felt like a very old Harry, perhaps sitting in a rocking chair in front of a fire, telling his great-grandchildren about those who came before. Not necessarily literally this scenario, but that's the vibe I got. The words are intimate and loving, but truthful... just like how someone these characters meant something to might speak (and I'm guessing maybe just a touch of yourself in there too). Using "you" outside of second person, or even with second-person POV, can be jarring, but I liked it here. Again, it built the intimacy and made me feel like I was being told a story by someone who really knows what they are talking about.
Each of the sections had some wonderful lines, but my favorites were whenever you addressed the darker side of the characters. It's hard to relate to people who are perfect, but people who make mistakes and try to overcome them are the ones I'm always the most interested in. Worrying about not being perfect isn't enough. You have to actually struggle against something dark and internal to really hit on that emotional investment. Here are just a few of my favorites:
-- It was either take a life, or give his own. And he wasn't willing to leave his Lily a widow, not just yet.
-- But if you were to ask him what his most memorable times here on earth were... he probably wouldn't even mention the wolf that growled at is back.
-- He'd tell you that he was terrified of the times when he could barely remember what James and Lily looked like when they laughed...
Really, this was a very unusual and touching one-shot. It's so clear from this and BTF that you have such a handle on these characters. Great job, Jami! Not that I expected anything less, of course :)Author's Response: I'm a review responding kick today!
First I have to say that I almost felt like I was cheating for being paired up with you. I'd end up reading After We Fall no matter what, because I'm already getting antsy not having a story to be obsessed with like I was Over The Edge. Secondly, I don't care that I feel like I'm cheating because I've been *really* curious to know what you'd think about this piece. I almost requested it right when I posted it, but I felt like with all the chapters I was piling on you for Before They Fall I should resist :P. So seeing us paired together made my day :P
I was thinking so much about losing all these guys at the end, and I got so sad. Haha. If you ever want to dump your excess Krum Rose feelings, feel free to fill up my PM box ;). It's so weird not waiting for another chapter of OTE.
This -- a metaphor, wrapped in a simile, masquerading as an allegory.
Look at me, reviewing your review, but I loved what you said ^. Haha. I'm finally becoming comfortable with realizing that I just don't enjoy writing millions of long winded similes all coated with description. And you've gone a long way into helping me realize that a writer not enjoying that doesn't make them any less good. Thank you for that ♥
I kind of pictured a different narrator for each part. Which is why i never wanted to tie it down to one. I know some people won't love that there isn't an exact narrator, but I'm happy that you like that I chose to leave it this way. For Lily's part, I imagined a much older lily, one that would have gotten the chance to age, talking to a much younger. Then James's, it was a group of elderly women in a cafe talking about him. Remus's was basically just himself in ghost form, floating alongside watching his life go by. Sirius's didn't have an image, and neither did Peter's. I think I got too emotional by that point to really think about anything other than what I wanted to say. I'm such a big baby :P
I'm so happy that you enjoyed this and liked my weird little style experiment. I felt really weird putting a piece up that I was so unsure about, but at the same time I was proud of myself for putting all these feelings I had into a story. And knowing that you think this experiment worked out makes me just want to hug you ♥
Thank you again for all of your amazing reviews ♥ I'm going to head over and drop AoC off at TGS, and I can't wait to get back to After They Fall. Though I'm going to have to remind myself that rose and krum will NOT be turning up somewhere in it :P. Report Review
Jami, this is just simply gorgeous! I absolutely loved how you went through each character, alluding to their personalites through snippets of memories and beautiful descriptions. I particularly like this one-shot because it just resonates the loss felt in the First War and the utter tragedy of how the Marauders' tale ends. Great job!Author's Response: Awww I'm so happy you liked it ♥ That's exactly what i was feeling like when I wrote it. They lost so much. By the end of the war, every single Marauder was dead. That's just so sad to me :(. I was so sad and feelsy that I had to get it all out. haha.
Thank you so much for stopping by and reviewing, m'dear! I need to get back to Professor Peach ASAP! Report Review
Really enjoyed this. Very well done. :)Author's Response: Hi there! I'm so happy you liked it! Thanks for stopping by to read and review ♥ Report Review
Hello! I was on my way to read the second chapter of Hazardous (as I said I would, many weeks ago when I first reviewed Chapter 1 :P ), but the title of this story caught my eye and I had to come over and check it out :) And I'm so glad I did.
Because it's such a lovely piece. You used a very unusual but enthralling narrative style - an unseen narrator, perhaps addressing the reader...it really conveyed a sense of quiet intimacy to the prose and the narration. And yet there is also that distance between the tone of the narration and the characters. Intimate and distant. I'm not making sense :P With each segment, you offer a beautiful and poignant snapshot of the lives of each Marauder plus Lily, revealing some of their deepest fears, their greatest values...all their vulnerabilities, really. And then you end each segment with that dull heavy sentence "...just a casualty of war." It's this sentence that really forces this huge distance between the reader and the characters, it's a sentence that takes away all the light and life of the prose, of each character all too suddenly. It's really carefully structured and I think you did a brilliant job with this.
And of course your characters were wonderful. Your lovely sparkling prose really breathed so much life into them. The parts with Remus and Sirius were especially heartbreaking, because they live for such a long time in so much pain and so much grief. But really, it's Peter's part which caught my eye. It certainly is a refreshing perspective of Peter, and these lines were especially wonderful:
Maybe it started as a struggle to keep them all alive.
Maybe he believed that if he just slipped information, just enough to satisfy Him, they wouldn't attack the only people he'd ever really cared for.
You wrote Peter with just so much compassion. I really love it when a writer does not judge his/her characters no matter what he/she has done. I love it when writers write with compassion. With all his tragic flaws, his mistakes, everything and especially how Peter is not put on the hero pedestal - this makes him the most real and most human character in your story. Well, at least to me! Others might disagree, since Peter is such an unpopular character :P (though there's very good reason for this, I suppose). And I'm so glad your story ended with Peter! The ending wouldn't have had as much impact if it had closed on, say, Sirius or something.
You have some beautiful imagery as well - the windswept flower-filled meadow to represent Lily, the sun and light for James, a storm for Sirius etc. Your descriptions were quite lovely. But really, it's the little personal details that really stood out for me e.g.
Donít get me wrong, she had her faults. If you only had one slice of dessert left, sheíd make sure to somehow swindle it out of you. Then after she ate it, sheíd complain about how full she was.
And sleeping! Good luck. The girl would wake up with the sun, then nudge at you until you did the same.
These are some of the loveliest moments of the story :) Filled with lightness and warmth...there's none of the gorgeous but abstract imagery, instead these are really small, really personal moments - it's just so...human - these moments really bring Lily down to earth from any pedestal that anyone might put her up upon...
OK, I'm sorry, it's nearing 3am and I'm getting rather incoherent :P So I'm just going to tie up this long rambly review by saying that I loved your story very much - it's beautiful, poignant and tragic - and thank you for writing it :)
-tehAuthor's Response: Hi m'dear!
I was so happy to see a new review for Casualties of War!
This narrative was definitely a new one for me. I'm not even sure what Point of View it would be considered. But I didn't want to give it an actual narrator because I wanted to be the one to talking. I didn't want to pass off my feelings to anyone else. I wanted them! Haha. If any of that makes sense :P
Peter and I have really made piece before I started writing Before They Fall. I figured out where he would go, and I kind of accepted that so I could give him a fair part in all the Marauders. I hate when he's left out. And somewhere along the way I think I really stared appreciated him and caring about him. It surprised me, haha.
I'm so happy you liked the warmer sections with Lily and James. I was afraid they felt sort of flat compared to the other sections, but at the same time James and Lily's life ended before it could see the level of tragedy that their friends did.
I think I'm getting rather incoherent myself, but it's currently the afternoon so I have no excuse :P
I can't tell you how happy I am that you loved this. And describing it as beautiful and tragic is such a huge compliment... I could just hug you. In fact, here, have an internet hug *hug*.
This review was such an awesome surprise, thank you so much ♥
Aah! No fair! I can't read any more stories like this or else I'm going to become dehydrated!
This. Is. So. Heartbreakingly. Beautiful.
I just want to curl up in a ball and cry! Because you have just described the Marauders exactly how I invision them in my mind! And thats no fair! Because right now, this piece is just breaking my heart!
Peter was the one that really got me, because lets face it, we're all guilty of writing him off as a snake in the grass, someone who went behind his friends back and who deserved everything he got. But to be honest, he was just such a lost and confused human being that I almost feel sorry for him in a way, because when he chose to sell his soul to Voldemort, the Peter Pettigrew who was a Marauder and who played pranks was gone, and in his place was a person that no one really knew!
Still on the verge of tears over her, so I'm going to have to go now!
Thanks you for such a mind-blowingly beauiful piece!Author's Response: Hahaha I don't want to dehydrate you! I promise!
That's exactly how I felt when I wrote this. I just wanted to curl up and cry. I was working on the next chapter for Before They Fall, and just thinking about how well things were starting to go for them. But we all know what happens. And part of me wanted to deleted the entire 17 chapters right then, because what's the point in pretending like I don't know that, in four years from where the current story is, two of them will be dead, one will be in prison, and one will be nothing but a shell of his former self. Anyway, I wanted to get all those sad feels out so I could stop being mad at Before They Fall, haha. So out came this!
I'm so happy you liked Peter's part. He made terrible, terrible decision and he was too weak and afraid to make it right. But the Peter that there used to be, he was just one of them. He had everything, and he threw it away. And it's just all so sad :(
See, now you've made me all tearsy over here thinking about this group! We're even!! haha :P
I'm so happy you liked this. It's one of my pieces that is a bit closer to my heart than the rest, so hearing you enjoyed it means so much to me ♥
To begin by responding to your author's note, I think that the structure of this story makes a lot of sense. You maintained it steadily throughout the story, providing a snapshot of each character and ending with that repeated line, which reminded me of a song, one of those 1960s or 70s ballads that always manage to break one's heart with the suffering they contain. This structure also brought to mind a chorus of the dead - I imagined that the ghost of each character was reciting their own part, then disappearing into the background again.
And the story darkens with each character, which is very important. By including Remus's "second chance" at life with Tonks and Teddy, you include that ray of hope that doesn't exist for Sirius and Peter, who were never allowed complete redemption. Sirius was almost there in OotP, but Peter never even receives anything - he's shunted into darkness because of his... whatever it was. Mistake. Betrayal. We can never know. That is what's brilliant about the ending - we really don't know why Peter did what he did, how it happened, and what he thought about it all. JKR does provide that slight glimmer in DH, but it's so hardly there that it might as well not be. I can see him trying to take advantage of the situation, trying to make use of time, using the quick talking he'd learned from James and Sirius to talk his way around Voldemort, but he was never strong enough. None of the Marauders could have done it.
Lily's part is the most dreamy, as Romantic as a poem by Keats or Shelley, filled with nature and beauty. I thought it was James narrating that part, with Lily narrating the next because while he simultaneously idealizes her and points out her more humourous flaws, she points out his strange combination of lovable smiles and frustrating ways. This is the only part where the structure isn't as consistent because the last three parts about the other Marauders are focused solely on themselves - the voices of each section more closely suit the personality of that character, relating more intimate details of those characters than you include in the Lily and James sections, both of which are clearly distanced from that character. Your narrator provides no history, no personal touches - the characters are revealed from the outside only. At least with Lily's part, this could be set down to the frustrating nature of canon, which limits Lily's character to this idealized vision of femininity, difficult but still perfect. Yet your expansion of Remus and Peter's stories to include more history and psychological depth reveal that you're not afraid to push beyond canon. Work on the part about Lily and also consider doing the same with James. The language and phrases in those parts are lovely, but they need more of the character behind them to make the reader feel the tragedy of that "casualty of war" line. All I see now is that beauty has died in the first part, and the happiness has died in the second - I see the abstract, but not the particular, the person.
There is one far less significant aspect of this story on which you could improve, and that's the paragraphing in Peter's section. It's surprisingly distracting to read those very short paragraphs, and they lose their potency as a result. I suggest combining some of the paragraphs, leaving only those lines separate that contain the most emotional punch - you'll know which lines if you read it aloud because they'll end on a note of finality.
Your experiment with this story is very exciting, and I think that you did a fantastic job with the structure and style, putting together something that allows you to cover all of these characters in a refreshing, yet highly structured way. I hope that this review proves helpful to you. I'm very glad to have been able to read it, and it's wonderful to have another excuse to read one of your stories. :DAuthor's Response: I'm so happy you could stop by ♥ your reviews are so awesome. I'm a bit scared to reply right now, because I want to make sense... I'm afraid I'll just be all puddley.
You know what I actually thought of while writing this? The play Our Town by Thornton Wilder. It's been a long time since I've seen it, so forgive me if some of this is incorrect. But throughout the play it's the stage manager narrating it. We never learn of his connection to it, he's sort of just this faceless thing pushing us along. Somewhere in the play, maybe in the third act, one of the main characters, Emily, revisits her life as ghost. That's what I thought of when I wrote this. Me being the stage manager and taking each character through their life to revisit certain parts of it. So it really made me happy that you sort of saw them as ghosts telling their parts before slipping back.
Something definitely felt off about the first two sections but I thought I just felt that way because I was trying a new style. But what you've pointed out makes so much sense. I want to keep Lily's section a bit more... romantic feeling, then the others, but now that I've read through it with your words in mind, I really want to edit it (and James's) to reflect who she was in a deeper sense, like the three boys. Thank you so much for pointing that out ♥ When I do edit it, I'll of course credit you in my AN for your help.
And the paragraphing! I can't believe I didn't realize how annoying that was. Thank you again.
I'm so relieved that you think my little experiment went well. That's such a huge compliment coming from you ♥ I'm excited to edit this piece up a bit and makes James and Lily's sections more... honest. That's the best word I can find for what they're lacking. They have the superficial things in there, like you said, but they're missing the sort of darker honestly that the other three had. No, there story isn't as tragic as the other three's. They got to die before they witnessed everything just crumble apart and best friends turning on best friends. But they definitely deserved more than just the glossing I gave them. Ahh, I'm sending you a big internet hug. Thank you ♥ Report Review
Hello darling! I'm here to review this interesting looking piece. You have many tempting stories on your profile but I am sucker for anything related to the First Wizarding War and of course casualties is a big part of that war.
Lily: her part just breathes sweetness, gentleness, happiness. I like how you compared her to an angel but not the angel of salvation type, the one who is all dressed in white and descending upon a cloud to make judgement, but rather a more earthly angel. A human being with angelical features and personality of fire. An angel that you could love without fear or doubt that she existed. A well made description judging by how little we actually know about her.
James: lovable, courageous, sweet James. The arrogant boy who grew into a stable, kind and thoughtful man.
Remus: Remus's part is one of my two best favourites from your story. He is my favourite Marauder and the one who my heart goes to the most (along with Sirius). I cannot even bare to imagine how his childhood must have been, followed by his teen years and adulthood as a werewolf. Shunned, looked upon with fear and disgust, not welcomed anywhere. It's just horrible, horrible. I like how in just a few words you managed to portray his strong bonds with his friends. The Marauders were such a big part of his life, such an important part that helped him survive his solitude and self-loathing. My favourite quote of this story belongs to his excerpt: "Because that was what his dad was - a man with more heart than this earth knew what to do with.". That just broke my heart to pieces!
Sirius: fiery, passionate, loyal Sirius. His life was on a level of tragedy up close with that of Remus'. He was arrogant as a student. Arrogant and foolish and self-righteous and annoying but what he got after Hogwarts was much more, too much than he deserved because underneath that ill chosen armor of his lay a good natured boy. A loyal heart that loved and cherished his friends more than himself. When I remember that everyone mistrusted him and considered him, HIM of all people the responsible for James and Lily's deaths I feel like crying buckets. His life was so unfair. When he finally, after all his torture had a new chance with Harry he died. So unfair...
Peter: Peter is my second favourite part. I always had mixed feelings for him. On one side I loath him for what he does, for the cowardly manner how he betrays James and Lily but on the other side I feel that he's too easily judged. Don't get me wrong, I despise traitors. They make me feel sick. But isn't it possible to just stop for a moment, for a brief moment and just TRY to understand what he felt? Try and figure out his reasons before jumping the hate bandwagon? He's way to hastily judged...
All in all a very sad but beautiful piece!Author's Response: Hi m'dear! I loved, loved how you split this review into the characters and your analysis of each was just awesome.
For me, the story of the Marauders will always be the saddest of HP. Yes, terrible thing happened in Harry's era. We lost Fred. We lost Tonks... and of course we lost our final Marauder. But their story as a whole just breaks my heart like nothing else can. How four boys so full of life and so strong together can end up where they did. How one can turn their back on them, how one can spend most of his life believing that the other committed this terrible act, and most of all how Sirius had to sit in Azkaban and live through torture after torture for the death of two people he'd never have hurt. It's just.. ugh. :(
Sad but beautiful is exactly what I feel about them, so that is the best compliment you could give. Thank you so much for this amazing review ♥
I really enjoyed this! It's an odd perceptive but I love it! I think you captured the characters perfectly! Hats of to you, good sir (sorry if your a madam!) ;) Well done!Author's Response: Hi m'dear! Hahah I am a madam, but good sir is so much more fun to say :P
I'm so happy you liked this. It was definitely an odd point of view. Really, it was just me wanting to talk about them. To miss them for a bit and make everyone miss them as well.
Thank you so much for your review ♥ If you're a Marauders fan, I also have a novel on my author page that you might enjoy :)!
Jami Report Review
Hey it's patronus_charm from the review tag!
I really loved the titles of the characters, as it was nice to try and guess how they relate to each of them, and decipher them to give you clues about what the description below would be about!
I also have to say your description was wonderful, and you did a great job, I particularly liked Lily's description, as you painted a really nice image of her, and she sounded exactly like someone who you would want to be friends with!
And the part where you mentioned about James saying I do to Lily, was lovely, as I think out of all the series that is possible the most romantic moment, as he's been wanting to say that for forever, and now he finally gets to, it just made my heart glow.
I also liked how you made the narrator ambigous as you were never really sure about who it was, and I thought that was a great idea, as it represents the facelessness of war, which relates to the story well, as they're casualties of it. And I thought this title was great, well I'm on it, as that's what they all really are, and I always found that part of the story extremely sad, as they basically all died for the same cause, and not a happy one, of old age, but in battle.
The bit about Tonks and Teddy being possible the best gift for Lupin, nearly had me tearing up, as that was just so lovely, and you could see how much he cared for them, and think his and Tonk's death was one of the worst tradegies of the whole books, as it was just cruel of JK, as we'd already had the orphaned boy of war in the form of Harry, but I guess the purpose of Teddy was to show how much nicer his life was.
Overall I thought this was story was wonderful, and beautifully written, and I'm so glad I came across as it was just amazing really! Thanks for such a great read, Kiana :DAuthor's Response: I'm so happy you liked those titles!! It was fun to try and figure out the best thing that described them all. Lily's was easy with the Meadow, and I always see James as the one that makes sure everyone gets through things whole and safe, like a lighthouse getting ships into harbor. Remus is the heart of it all. Loving so much and needing to be loved just as desperately. Sirius... the intoxicating, dangerous, but incredible storm that you want so bad to watch but sometimes it gets too powerful that you have to step from the window... and Peter.. the Marauder that was lost long ago. I just love this whole bunch so much, I want to scoop them up and hug them, haha.
The ambiguous narrator won't be for everyone, a few people have already pointed out that they don't love it, so I'm extremely happy that you do ♥ I never really thought about it representing the facelessness of the war, but your absolutely right. Let's pretend I did that on purpose ;)
I agree with Tonks and Remus's death :(. We already lost everyone of the Marauders, and Remus finally found happiness. I just couldn't believe she took him away too. But at least she took both of them together and not just Tonks, that would have absolutely destroyed him :(
Okay, I've blabbered on long enough, thank you so much for this incredible review ♥ Report Review
Uhm, wow. I'm speechless. I don't even know what to say other than this is absolutely beautiful. I love how each person had their own section that just focused on them. There were no other Marauders involved, it was just all about them.
Lily and James's section made me smile so much. And in my opinion, their parts are so much more warmer and lighter than the rest. I really love you didn't make the two of them 'saints' as some authors might do. You still took the time to mention that they are not faultless and they are only perfect in their own way.
I really like Remus's bit, it's my second favourite out of all the five. I like you didn't focus his section on his werewolf issue (I feel like saying 'werewolf issue' makes me sound ignorant. IDK.) and instead focused it on his memorable memories with his friends and family. I think you pretty much got his character really well. It would be so like Remus to reminisce those days.
Sirius! I absolutely love his part. Omg. Can you just...it's just absolutely perfect, okay? Like seriously. I just love it. I love him ♥. I agree with you, I don't think we can exactly understand Sirius's pain when he lost James and Lily. It's must've been so tough for him and to think that he was sent in Azkaban for twelve years. Sometimes, I wonder why JKR killed him. It's just so unfair. :'(
Anyway, this is my favourite part out of the whole one-shot. I think you got Sirius's character so spot-on in this paragraph: "He'd spiral out of control like a tornado, and he'd be sure to take you along for the ride. But just as quickly as it came, his mood would pass and you'd be left with this boy... this perfectly incredible boy who could make you feel like you'd smile forever.
You did Peter justice, you really did. I've always been interested in his character and I feel like his section explained a lot of things to me. I've never hated Peter, believe it or not, only dislike him and I don't know why. I cannot just bring myself to hate him.
Gah. Jami, this is an absolutely amazing one-shot! I love everything about it! I did notice one teeny typo though. At the end of James's section it says "But now, he's just a casually of war."Didn't you mean casualty? Don't mind this if it's already been pointed out to you. :P I wish I could write as fantastic as you do! ♥
92nd review out of 100Author's Response: Izzy ♥
I loved writing Lily and James's sections. In a lot of way I think their story is the least sad of the group. They died so young, but they didn't have to suffer the way their best friends did. Sirius spent most of his life imprisoned for two murders he would never commit; Remus spent just as long believing something untrue and fighting with his own self loathing and having to remember what his life was once like... having all of his friends with him every month; Peter destroyed every single thing he ever had and spent the rest of his life as a rat, and finally killed himself... I mean, it's all just so sad. James and Lily at least spent the last few years of their life with their friends still whole. They had each other, and they died painlessly. They didn't suffer. And gah.. now I'm just getting feelsy again. hahhaa.
Ahh I'm so happy you liked that paragraph. Honestly, I was bawling at that point. I was just so so sad that they were all taken from me and and :(. Sirius :(.
I was worried about Peter's. We've made peace, the two of us, with what he did... but it was still a challenge to show why is story was sad too.
Ahhh! no one has mentioned that!! Thank you, that's one of those placed I REALLY don't want an error. It's been fixed now ♥
Izzy, thank you so much for this review. You have no idea how much it's brightened my entire week ♥ Report Review
Wow. This is... amazing. Just fantastic. Thank you for writing this.Author's Response: Thank you so much for this incredibly kind review. ♥ I'm so happy you liked it.
Jami Report Review
You made me cry! I mean actual, honest to God tears on my face. That was so sad. And on Lily's birthday, too!
This was... amazing. Seriously, I don't have the words to describe it to you, it's... The hardest thing, I think, about fanfiction, is getting under the character's skin, getting to know them and getting across the message that they are real, they've lived and loved and suffered just like all of us and we're all here to tell their story.
I love James and Lily, as you know, but I think you managed to do Peter justice in his part of the story and that's something not many people manage to do. I had to stop and think about what it would be like for him, looking into Harry's face, into Harry's eyes and seeing Lily and James in there. For years and years since he met Ron, having to see him day after day, being forced by fate or karma or whatever you want to call it to relive what he'd done. Can you imagine living like that every day of your life? I sure can't and don't wish to either.
Remus was the saddest of them all. He wanted a life of his own so bad, free from the illness and the prejudice and for it to be ended so suddenly, without reason or warning. I think Teddy's only luck in all of this is the fact that he was left with Harry, who I think would've done his very best for Teddy to know his father, how he had been as a person and as a soldier, to tell him all of the things that nobody took the time to tell him, Harry, about his own parents. (Really now? Seven volumes in the series and nobody could take half a page to say 'Now that we have a small break from all the evilness/murder/deadly schemes, let me tell you about the time your father met your mother'?).
I can tell Sirius is your favorite out of them (he is mine, too), because his part was just incredibly sad. I actually felt him being ripped from somewhere inside me when you said Sirius had a million moods, but no matter what, you'd always want to love him. It's so easy to picture him so full of life and with so much left to do as he was falling through the Veil. It was an awful thing to experience as a reader, his death.
Now that I've written this angst-filled review, I have to say that I'm so impressed with how well this story turned out, even though you said you're not sure of it. I'm sure of it and it was amazing! Good job, darling!
RalAuthor's Response: Hi darling! I may have let an embarrassing fan girl sort of squeal out when I saw your name at the top of this review. Oops..
Thank GOD you cried. I know that sounds mean, but I was absolutely bawling when I wrote this. I just couldn't get myself under control. I just.. ugh.
There was just so much that Peter messed up, so much that he took away... and I finally came to terms with it with my own little head canon, which you'll eventually read about.. and it makes it easier to accept because, like you said, he had to have suffered. He was just too weak to do anything about it.
YES. YES YES YES. 'Hey Harry, I get that we're trying to get you to risk you're life at all... but since I was the headmaster when your parents met and fell in love, lets talk a minute about them.'
'hey harry, your dad and I were like brothers. Let's talk about that time that we played this trick on your mum and..'
THANK YOU. I don't get it. Out of all of you. All you professors, all you people not ONE of you could just tell him something? Anything? I've spent a pretty good amount of time annoyed at JKR for not only that but for also killing all of Harry's family (how did two sets of parents BOTH die?) and all of Neville's other family. But then I apologize to her in my head and remind myself that she's the genius, not me :P
Sirius is so, so easy to be a favorite. He just begs you to love him. I.. ugh. He's one of those deaths I'll never accept.
I'm so happy you liked this, Ral. I was worried because it is so much different... and really, I just wanted to talk about them. I wanted to make someone else feel as sad as I did when I was writing this, because these five deserve that sadness. I almost included Alice and Frank, because they suffered almost more than anyone. But then I remembered that them being part of it all is a head canon :P
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, and being sad along with me. I know it sounds selfish, but I just needed someone else to read this and think,'YES. it all hurts! it all really sucks!!' And be a big fat baby like me :P
Thank you again, you have no idea how much your review has made me smile ♥
Hello lovely :)
I saw your status and couldn't help coming and taking a peak!
Your writing just amazes me everytime I read something new. You have such amazing characterisation of all the characters you write, giving them such life. You really have all the Marauder's pegged though don't you?
I loved the style of this piece. This unknown narrator who knows them all so well and makes you as the reader feel like you knew them so well too. I was sat here nodding along like 'Yeah they were like that weren't they?' It's a good job I'm alone. People will probably think I'm crazy...
Your Lily is just so lovely and warm. You write a person who would be spoke about so fondly by everyone a long time after she died and that's exactly what Lily was. In all the time we follow Harry I think he hear's only one bad word against it's mum and it's a word she doesn't deserve in the slightest. Your description of her was perfect though, and with the comparisons to the meadow on a summers day only added to it. You also gave her her faults and made her human.
Oh James. I just want to take him and hug him and keep him forever! Please? Again I like that you haven't just made him a saint, you've made it known he had faults but I still love him regardless. The part where he falls low by trying to keep everyone else up just seems so James. It sounds very much like the James I've come to love in BTF.
Remus. You've got every part of his character in there and made it so tragic at the same time. I think it's great that, even though you've mentioned it, you haven't focused on his werewolf side. You've spoken of three of his favourite times with his three best friends and I think you got it spot on. The prank he did with Peter made me laugh. Poor Teddy though. His start is pretty much as tragic as Harry's.
Sirius the storm. I think your comparison here was again just perfect. You captured the more carefree happier Sirius at school with his friends. Sure he had problems but he just wanted to be with his friends. You then took us right through his dark times at Azkaban and showed us the Hell he went too. It's stuff we know, but you've just made it more alive and real.
And last but not least Peter. I love the fact you don't push him to one side and make out that the other boys were mean to him. He was as much a Marauder and a friend as the other three. I hate what he became, but in the past he was one of them and deserves his place. I like how you dealt with his betrayal briefly here and I think it's given me a bit more of an insight in where you may take him in BTF...
OK, I've rambled on as always but this is another amazing piece of writing. If your feeling sad about your Marauders you could just make it an AU ;) I'm sure not one of your readers would mind as we're all as attached as you are!
Lauren :)Author's Response: You spoil me, you know that?
Let me try and pick up my puddly self and try to give this a deserving response...
I'm so happy you like the unknown narrator. I know everyone won't, but I just needed that. I needed to ever give this a narrator, because *I'm* the narrator, if that makes sense. I wasn't trying to create a story so much as tell about how their stories make me feel, what these people are to me, and yeah. Giving a narrator that instead of keeping a sort of 'great narrator in the sky' just didn't feel right. You have no idea what a huge compliment it is that you enjoyed it this way ♥
Lilys's section was the first thing that came to mind. Then of course the other four had to follow :P.
I'm SO happy that James sounds like the BTF James. That makes me feel like he's set in my mind, if that makes any sense. Ahh. I just want to hug you.
Sirius and Remus both have such sad tales. Sometimes I think Lily and James got off lucky by dying before they could watch the rest of it all fall apart :(.
Ahhh you are too perceptive for your own good. I can't believe the things you can pick up on. I can say that, yes, what happens in BTF (technically before they fall's sequel) with Peter and his reasons for betrayal might have leaked out a bit in this. But I'm betting you'll be the only one that notices that ;)
Oh gosh, you have no idea how often I've wanted to make my Marauders AU. I just feel like I'd be taking away from it all, because how they ended was so important. I just want to write that they skipped off into the sunset, hehe.
Lauren, I seriously can't tell you how amazing your reviews are. I'm so grateful that I have you as a reader.
Thank you ♥ Report Review
Hey!I saw the link in the formus and you got me intrigued, so I decided to come by and have a look for myself :)
When I started reading the Lily part, I got quite excited. You see, I wrote a very similar one-shot recently (only focusing on Lily, though). It's rare to read about her not in connection to James (or being a mother) and I'm glad you left him out of her story!
You seemed nervous about the style, but i think it's great and offers many new opportunities! First of all, addressing the reader directly involves them whether they want to be or not! It contributes to the immediacy of what is being told and increases the emotional impact. I think it was a great choice for a story such as this.
One thing that you might want to look out for in such a direct address of the reader is that you must explain (or hint at) who is doing the telling, and why. I believe, if done right, it could even add to the sadness of the presentation. The narrator clearly knew the marauders and lily very well! Adding some more obvious "unreliable narrator" moments would have made for an even more enticing read. We would realize that this is someone trying to convince themselves of the good memories as a way of dealing with grief, which can be a very moving thing to whitness. You did this at the beginning of the Sirius bit and it was great! I would have liked to see more.
When you admitted that the loss of Sirius was somehow more difficult to deal with than the ones that were mentioned before, it not only added some subjectivity, but also created something akin to a narrative development, or structure that tied together the bits and explained that there is a reason for their order. I also liked how you left peter for last. I was happy to see some redemption for him! In fact, I dare say I would have enjoyed seeing more of his part, with less excuses and more reality. Shock the reader, you know? It's just my preference, but if you ignored the general consensus of peter being the devil's spawn and just mentioned the good memories from a time when he was young and innocent, I think the impact would have been stronger. And it would have ended the story with a bang ;)
Also,I think my favourite part was the one about James. I just loved this: "Have you ever noticed how the sun looks right when itís about to rise? When itís still surrounded by ashy clouds, and barely poking up over the hill? Well, thatís Jamesís smile. A sudden burst of color thatís able to shine, even through a layer of darkness." It's very close to cheesy, but, well, I found that it wasn't somehow? Instead, it seemed just about right, with a nice blend of melodrama and honesty in it.
Well,I hope I could offer you some useful advice! I really did enjoy reading this story :)
Cheers!Author's Response: Hi m'dear! I'm so happy you liked the style of this. This is going to sound odd, and I really did try and pick a narrator to tell the second person PoV from... but I just couldn't. haha. I wanted to be the narrator, if that makes sense. So I figured I'd do the whole 'great narrator in the sky' type of thing. Which I may end up regretting, but it felt so good talking about these characters through *me* and no one else. I thought about doing second person attached to the actual characters of the sections, but that just didn't feel like what I wanted. I swear, when my marauder sads take over I don't know what I'm doing half the time :P
I like your ideas regarding Peter, I'll definitely have to think about that!
Hahah I wondered if that part about James would be cheesy. But I think I feel like you did. It was and it wasn't. Maybe we feel like that because James himself is sort of cheesy, so it just fit him?
Thank you so much for your awesome opinions and compliments on this one shot ♥ I hope I didn't sound like I was brushing your suggestion as having an actual narrator off, I just... I don't know. This feels too personal to want anyone else getting to narrate it except for me, if that makes sense.
Thanks again, m'dear ♥ Report Review
Oh wow! When you said it was different, you really meant it, didn't you? And really not in a bad way - this is like nothing I've ever read before, I have to say. The style is just incredible. I love how you've done it in different sections with one for each Marauder (and honourary Marauder, I suppose). It really divides them up and shows them all individually, you know? As their own people, not just as 'the Marauders' or 'Lily-and-James', which I really like. Sometimes you see so many people lumping them altogether as one big group.
I love how you've written it as well, with the unnamed narrator talking directly to the reader. It gives such a sense of personal loss, you know? The idea that there were people who survived who knew them - not necessarily intimately - but they knew them and their deaths and losses affected them. They weren't in a little bubble with just themselves inside. Also, it really made you able to explore them through someone else's eyes, which is generally unusual in a one-shot. Often it's the character talking directly about something, you know, and it's just such an interesting dimension and way to look at it.
Gah, it's so sad! I definitely agree that the Marauders' Era is so upsetting and angsty - we know it's never going to be all right in the end and it just makes it so much worse to read about them all being happy/loved up/etc. because it's not going to last and for once it isn't me being cynical, lol.
I have to say, two last things on characterisation (which I really, really loved - I think you nailed each one of them pretty perfectly) is that I loved how you left Peter for last, and how you didn't talk about too much about their relationships with the others in them, instead focusing on them and them alone. Peter being last was right, I think, and not because he's the least popular one, but because his story was, in a way, I think, sadder than the rest of them. He had everything - friends, happiness, 'glory' (if you consider fighting in a just war glorious), popularity, fun - and he just... threw it all away, destroyed his friends in the process and ended up enslaved to a man he feared, hated and admired in equal measure.
But no, I love them all. They're all tragic in their own, unique way, and you just brought them all and the reality of what war takes away (people rather than things and statistics) from us to life.
Not sure what else to say... style was fabulous, characterisation was flawless... there's not a thing I can find I didn't like, anything which read a bit clumsily or any typos... how do you do it?
Also, I remember reading the first chapters of Before They Fall a while back and when reading this I couldn't help but think just how much you've improved since then. Honestly, this is spectacular.
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Hahah yes, when I said different I really meant it. I'm so happy thought that, despite it being different, you still liked it. I just felt like I needed to talk about them all. If that makes sense. I didn't want to create a story just then. I just wanted to miss them and make everyone else understand how much I miss them, haha.
I wasn't sure about then unnamed narrator. I'm so happy you liked that, and I know there will be others that don't.. but I wanted the narrator to be *me* if that makes sense. Haha, sounds a bit selfish, doesn't it?
Peter and I had some real issues when I started working on Before They Fall. I finally created something in my head, a reason on why he did what he did (which I won't say in case you ever decide to get back into BTF) and that made it a bit better. Now I can focus on the young man he used to be. This loving friend who just enjoyed being part of it all, who knew he was cared about and knew he cared about them as well. Like you said, he had everything. Whatever demands he was facing that drug in to the point of betrayal ruined a lot of innocent lives, and that's something I think haunted him forever.
I'm so sorry you had to read Before They Fall before I actually got back into writing. I promise, if you ever do decide to venture back in, the first four or five chapters have been almost entirely rewritten and it won't scare you away again :P. You saying that I've improved is one of the best compliments I can get, thank you so much ♥
I find the idea you have here unique. I mean I have seen stories where authors speak directly to the readers but this is really unique. To me atleast. I havenít seen anything like it yet. I like the fact you gave every one of them their own piece and their pieces were fitting. But for some reason I wasnít fond of Lilyís piece. I mean you didnít make her perfect or anything, but I liked her piece the least. No idea why. Perhaps it wasnít really my thing. Anyway I wanted to say I liked the fact you gave them all faults and virtues, as a lot of people have to tendency to portray the death ( even in literature) different. I noticed a steady line in this story. Each story became better and better in my opinion. Peter had my favourite piece followed by Sirius , which was quite strange because I have no fondness for him. I liked the fact that you mentioned that he was a marauder and the parts about the true Peter.
So anyway I liked this one-shot. I would not wish to read a novel in this style of writing though. But for this one-shot and topic it was really fitting. You truly did make it work and I want to applaud you for that because it must be extremely difficult to do so. I would never be able to get such a result ( if a result at al haha).Author's Response: Hi m'dear! I'm so happy this felt unique to you. I just... I have these moments when I think about it and i get so sad. And I know it's silly because they aren't real and they never were but it doesn't feel like that. I guess I just wanted to tell everyone else what I was feeling, and make them feel as sad as I did, hahah.
Maybe Lily's was too much on the descriptive side? Hers has the most imagery, and sometimes that can get sort of annoying. If you ever figure out just what you didn't like about it, I'd love to know so I can figure out if it's something I don't like either!
Peters piece felt the best to write. He doesn't get his chance often and he's ignored too much. But he *was* one of them, and him and myself have made our own bit of peace with what he did. I'm so happy you liked his section ♥
I don't think I would ever want to read a novel in this style either. It would be exhausting, wouldn't it?
Thank you so much for this wonderful review ♥ Report Review
Jami, dear, this was beautiful. I have to warn you right away that I probably won't have as much to say about it as I usually do. This isn't the kind of story where you pull quote and gush about them. It isn't the sort where I can compliment you on your brilliant characterization and plot development. It's a story about five stories that have already been told. A lone narrator just trying to help the reader make sense of it all. That's the real beauty of it, at least for me.
I loved the voice you gave to Lily's laugh. She really is like a summer day in her warmth and vivaciousness. But you didn't canonize her either. You didn't canonize any of them. Each one came with their own flaws and weaknesses. Things that made them complete.
James, with his magnetic personality and roguish nature, was immediately recognizable from BTF. I liked the streak of broody darkness you gave him, though. I guess that's where Harry gets it.
Poor Remus. You did a beautiful job of capturing his tortured nature. His fear and loathing of the part of himself that he was never able to fully come to terms with. But at the same time, you found the happy aspects of his life. The warm, funny, loving parts. And the ultimate tragedy of a life ended just as its next, happiest phase was about to begin.
Your depiction of Sirius was masterful, I thought. Such a tormented soul. So many terrible things he was forced to live through in order to enjoy his moments of joy. The mood swings and mercurial nature you gave him rang perfectly true. And the horrible years in Azkaban definitely made their mark.
Last but not least, there's Peter. I (grudgingly) must admit that you're absolutely right. There was a time in his life where he was innocent and young and happy. Where he was a part of one of the most prolific foursomes that Hogwarts ever knew. Where it all went wrong, who really knows? But it did go wrong, and I'd like to think that he hated himself until his last breath for letting it happen.
OK, maybe this wound up being a bit longer than I thought it would be. Just to maintain a bit of balance, I noticed a couple of typos that need your loving attention:
And one day, when that child wants to know about his father, when he needs some sort of remind of how much he was loved.. - reminder
Heíd tell you not to worry, because _ _ _ just happen. happens
I hope that you're able to shake off the sad Marauder feels soon, but the outcome was truly lovely!Author's Response: Dan! Having to make two of your amazing review disappear from my unanswered in one day is torture. But I know if I don't get it done now I'll chicken out and stare at it's gorgeousness for a few more days. ah.
That's so much of what I felt while I was writing them. I just wanted to talk about the five of them, all separately, all on their own. I felt like I was sitting in a cafe with someone across from the that said, 'so what can you tell me about Lily? What about the Marauders?' it took all my self control not to add Alice and Frank in, but I had to remember that them being part of it all is in *my* head... not everyone else's :P
I definitely think the brooding nature comes from James. You know Lily... she doesn't really brood. She thinks constantly, and she worries, and if she does brood she hides it too well for anyone but her to see. But I see James as getting himself so exhausted from trying to keep everything okay, that he just crashes. And that's when the amazing friends come in and gah. the sad feels are going to get me again.
Remus was the hardest for me... maybe because there was so much to his life that I wanted to give him enough without giving him too much.
Sirius. My poor, poor Sirius. I just really don't like JKR anytime I have to remember how unnecessary I feel like his death was ;(. Will you get me Sirius for Christmas? PLEASE?
I really, really hope he hated himself, too. Peter that is, not Sirius. He was too destroyed to ever change what he did. I think slowly by slowly as his years as a rat he just because a hardened thing, then when he had to flee and he found Voldemort, he just wanted protection. But I hope so much with those last moments of his life, he remembered everything he once had and he hated himself so much for destroyed those people he loved so much.
Thank you so much for your amazing review, m'dear ♥ Report Review
Whoa. Like... Yeah, whoa.
Okay, so, wow. I just loved the descriptions of each person, giving them their own little section, so the reader could focus on the awesomeness that is each of them, even Peter, who was one of them. It was just so sad and lovely and I want to smile because it's like having the best memories of them, then cry because they had to die for us to remember that best memories.
I spotted a couple of errors ("Heíd spiral out of on control" having the 'on' there didn't sound right), but I didn't see anything big, so maybe just another read over. Over than that, I loved everything about this, even the unusual style, I don't think I've ever read anything like this. :)
Sam.Author's Response: Ahh that's exactly how I feel about you get these awesome memories of them but it's still so sad because they're all taken from us and gah :(
I'm so happy you like it, m'dear, and thank you so much for pointing out the error! It's been edited. This is what happens when I just post without letting my beta look over :P Typos galore!
I was so worried about the style, so I'm really thrilled that you liked it.
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