Hello!

I really don't know where to start with this. I think the song really fits as this definitely creeped me out! I love this song though and it worked really well within the story.

The whole concept of The Dark Lord being an idea made up by Snape to be at the Potters is just crazy and brilliant and I loved it. In the lead up to that section I thought there was something going on as nothing seemed right. the fact that he could see the house and that Lily took Harry out just didn't feel right at all. When it does all become clear though after Lily and Harry visit Azkaban it was a jaw dropping moment. You really did an amazing job with the plot twist.

Your characterisation of Severus is just perfect. Straight away we can see he isn't a happy child with a happy home life. Just the line 'I always fell' was enough to show us this story wasn't going to be a happy one (if the title hadn't already done that). The bit where it moves on to him being a young man really stuck in my head though - there's an image I could have happily gone throughout life without seeing - I think that will haunt me more than anything!

I think the way you've shown that Severus can't distinguish between himself and Lily is amazing. He also blames her and James for everything. He has such a twisted outlook on things in his deranged mind. I particularly enjoyed the section where he talks about the potions and how he could use them - although again this really creeped me out. When he wanted to take polyjuice potion and become Lily - just plain plain weird. When he wants to give James the veritaserum too to find out how he forced Lily to fall in love with him - he just doesn't get anything. He still sees her as a possession that he can control. He doesn't understand she has a choice.

There is so much I could say about this - it's absolutely amazing and I had one of those 'Did I actually just read that' moments when I finished it. Well done on such a stunning piece though and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future!

Lauren :)

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I couldn't help picking this one, even though it's technically a song-fic and not a "one-shot." I love the song and think it's just perfect for Snape/Lily.

Um, holy cow. There's just not much else to say. Your emotion and your flow are pure perfection. I'm currently working on a project where I'm trying to really draw out the darkest, most deranged elements of Severus, and you inspire me to want to make my Severus better, to really reach this level of filth and degradation and pure insanity. I love how you kept making reference to potions, given that they are Snape's most natural weapons, and the many ways in which he would use them to win Lily--forcing the truth out of James, miraculously saving her cat after kidnapping it, 'clearing up' her mind and stealing her affection. I can picture him talking to the students about the subtle beauty of potion-making, staring right at Harry, and thinking these dark thoughts inside.

I love the story here, too. It's interesting to conceptualize Voldemort and Harry's canon life as just a figment of Severus's twisted imagination, like a defense mechanism he can use to justify why he and Lily should be together after James's death. You've got to love Lily's strength, too. It's crazy, because I usually jump right to Snape's side in the Snape/Potter debate, but here I'm rooting for her. The poor thing has been bought and paid for in Severus's mind, but she clearly has the ability to lead her own life without the help of a man, despite her grief over losing her husband.

I really don't know what else to say except I loved this and I really need to come back by your page more often. You're definitely a literary treasure.

(Oh, and thanks for the swap, haha.)

-Amanda

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Hello, I'm here for your challenge review. Eventually.

I swear you just wrote this to win. It's got basically everything I like: Radiohead, creepy!Snape, Gothic horror (I know you were saying Bronte vibes, but I got Tell-Tale Heart vibes, which I infinitely prefer), some brilliant puns and the ability to reduce Dan to just over a paragraph. You sneaky, sneaky Slytherin, you.

(Yes, apparently I do read other people's reviews. 'cause I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo... etc., etc.)

I like how you've just hinted at the sex (or more specifically the not having sex) and the domestic violence in that first bit; it feels so much more Victorian. He's the kind of guy you could imagine using the word 'self-abuse' in a non-ironic way. He's repressed and a bit anachronistic, and just generally sort of displaced and alienated, which is exactly how I see him. And, of course, it goes so well with 'Creep'.

You've got some lovely language going on, too. The imagery is somewhere between beautiful and uncomfortable, lines like
I can almost feel a hint of red hair, of bewitching green eyes, burned into the skin of my eyelids.
...that sounds painful, even if you don't take it literally. And it works.

And the dehumanising pronouns and descriptions Snape uses for Lily, James and Harry, the contrast between the warmth and colour associated with her and and dark and cold associated with him - she's almost like a particularly pretty vase, or something - I don't need to go on, do I? You know all this; you wrote it.

Last thing before I shut up - I'm pretty fond of the idea that Voldemort may actually exist in this AU, just that no-one's figured it out yet. :D

Author's Response: Hiss!

Hahaha, I was worried it would look like I wrote this specifically for you! In truth, I had this Snape-murdering-James-and-being-NASTY plunny floating around in my head for a long time, and then every time I heard Creep I thought of it again. When you set your challenge I did come up with a Bronte-esque/Woman In Black sort of thing about Albus and Gellert, but then Snape/Creep came back to mind and I realised it was perfect for the horror/dark genre.

I actually love that you picked up the Tell-Tale Heart vibes... I've been watching The Following and feeling quite E.A. Poe-y!

Yes, yes! Victorian! Creepy as hell! I love the 'non-ironic self-abuse' point you've made, you're completely right. This Snape is not a happy man. Well, neither is JKR's Snape.

Doesn't it go well with 'Creep'?! As I was writing it I kept hearing more and more songs that suddenly became about Snape, 'Mr Brightside' and 'Always' (Bon Jovi) amongst them. CRINGE.

Oh my, how do you manage to put a twist in the tale IN YOUR REVIEWS?! You. Oh, you. This may be the only review I've ever had where the final line made me shudder and sort of want to cackle and rub my hands together evilly.

Thanks for setting a brilliant challenge. I want to write more dark/horror... You've got my blood lust going. *HUGS*

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I'm not very good with leaving reviews, so, I'll try my best to put into words what I experienced as I read through this one-shot.

First, oh man. OH MAN! I like this, a little too much. I have an obsession with sociopaths and other insane people, so this story was very thrilling for me to read.

Second, Holy cow. The Dark Lord was made up by Snape?! I love this!!! What a wonderful "rationalization" for Snape to visit the Potter family.

Third, the intense visual imagery throughout this work. . .no words. I was into it the moment it started *hi-five*.

Fourth, I just loved it. My favorite scene was when he was in the bed, smelling it and "getting off", for lack of a better term, imagining her. This obsession (more like fixation) he has with Lily is suuupppeeer believable.

What a thrilling read,
soapman333

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! This review was great, don't be hard on yourself :P

I sympathise with your obsession - my characterization of Snape here comes from a lot of things I've read, thought about, watched... not least Criminal Minds, haha!

I'm SO pleased to hear the imagery worked it's really important to me that people can see what I'm writing about (no matter how unpleasant).

Thank you so so much for your kind words, I'm really glad you enjoyed it.
Athene xo

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Hello! As promised, I've popped by to read this story for you. This actually first caught my eye in Recently Added, but I was saving my 600th review for a certain story, and made a mental note to check it out later. When Jami messaged me telling me I should read it, it made me laugh! She knows how much I love Snape, and I really do; I'm always up for a Snape story. And I was thrilled to bits to see you've cast Conor Oberst as his image, because that's who Snape is on my trilogy banners, too!

I think the very first thing that struck me about this one-shot was how extremely well you're able to use language. :) I have a very large appreciation for people who know how to use imagery, without coating their story in it so much as to lose the message. It's not something that can be learned, in my opinion, and you seem to have a very natural grasp of it. There were a couple of lines especially that stuck out to me:

The word ‘potions’ is a mere accident away from becoming ‘poisons’.

My heart beats in her chest.

These two lines are gorgeous! Really, really well done, Athene, and I'm honestly not just saying that. You write beautifully!

I'll admit that I didn't look at the warnings for this story before clicking on it, and as such initially was a bit wary of some of the things you were having Snape think and do -- sitting outside the Potters' house, for one. It's not how I see his character at all, because he was incredibly smart, and wouldn't have taken those risks, you know? And then by the end of this story I realized that it was a bit AU, and I became much more satisfied with how you wrote him. :D (I often feel I have to defend Snape -- I think I started building my walls before I knew what I was up against!)

And to that end, one of the things I really liked was that, as I was reading, I was making small mental notes of questions to ask you in this review. By the end, you'd answered them all! And I really admire that -- in novels, you have chapters and chapters to tie up loose ends. With one-shots, you only get... well, one shot. And it was great that you seemed to anticipate, and then answer, potential questions in yours.

I would definitely say your first foray into dark writing was a success! Dark stories are always my favorites, and I think this is something you should try again. I really enjoyed this. :)

Author's Response: Sorry it's taken me so long to respond to this brilliant review! I really appreciate the thought you put into it, particularly considering the fact that you could have allowed yourself to be biased because, let's face it, I'm completely beastly to old Sev.

Yeah, I really liked Conor Oberst's look for a young Snape, and I think Milady did a wonderful job with the banner (if I say so myself!). I'd definitely cast him again.

I have a huge appreciation of readers who enjoy imagery, properly deployed! Haha. And I'm very glad you picked that out, as creating an image in my reader's mind is really important to me, whilst trying to avoid purple prose.

*blush* thank you for the lovely things you said.

Yes, when I was first planning this story, it was AU because of the twist - but as I started writing, it became clear that this unhinged Snape was very much not the controlled, analytical man we know from the books. what I did was take a complex character with a known history and gave him major psychological issues!

Thank you so much again for this lovely review, and for the encouragement to write in the dark genre again. I really enjoyed it and hope to do so again once I get a good idea!

Sarah xo

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This was really, really well done. I don't have a whole lot to say about it because I don't think there's much more to say than that. The idea that the Dark Lord could have been a delusion of Severus's obsessive fascination with Lily is definitely one of the most unique and interesting ideas I've ever come across. You managed to put so much detail and imagery into Severus's thoughts and descriptions. The stark contrast between brightness and warmth versus darkness and cold that you wove through this was a perfect compliment to Lily's life as Severus observes it from his own prison of desire and regret. The way you handled the ending, with its twist and reveal, was great.

Once again, I'm in the position of having to thank Jami for pointing this out to me. I'm really glad she keeps such close tabs on you!

Author's Response: Wow, thanks! The idea of the Dark Lord being all in his head is something I've been toying with for a long time, and then Caoty set the dark/horror challenge and it fell into place. I'm glad you picked up on the contrast between their two worlds. I really wanted Lily's world to feel warm and bright, with Snape as an onlooker in the cold - first figuratively, but then later quite literally.

Thanks for taking the time to read and review. Ah, Jami...

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This was... I have no words to begin describing it. Just the simple fact that you pulled this out of your imagination somewhere and wrote it down seems incredible.

You've created some pictures that I cannot unsee. Ever. Even though it's fact that Severus had an unhealthy obssession with Lily, I guess it's easier to hide behind the fact that it was never explained, it was never described to us, it was just a string that sort of brought a bigger story together. But your scene with the teenager Snape is his dorm at Hogwarts. I feel like it's been etched into my mind forever.

What really made me sit here with my mouth hanging open is the whole "Dark Lord" concept. That was the most frightening thing ever, how you dived into the sick and twisted mind of a very sick man and you led us through the motions so that we would see what he sees. If he had learned that love is not something you trigger in others, it's not something you make them do, but it's something you earn, maybe Snape would've lived a better life.

It's heartbreaking to see how Lily returns, year after year, in search of answers she may never receive. I just, I don't have the words to tell you what this made me feel.

Amazing story! Truly brilliant!

Ral

Author's Response: Hi Ral! Thanks for popping over to give this a read. You and Jami made me laugh over on the forums.

I'm very sorry for putting that image into your head... it's truly nasty. But I'm also very pleased that the particular image did its job! *Gleeful cackle*

I really want to say I'm so glad that you enjoyed this story, but I'm not sure 'enjoyed' is the right word - so I'm really glad this story had an effect on you and made your jaw drop!

I enjoyed writing that twist - it's actually where the whole story stemmed from, ages ago, and it took form around that one idea.

Poor Lily. She's such a loving woman, in a way that Snape could never understand.

Thanks so very much for reading and reviewing!
~ Sarah ~

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Woot woot!
First of all, you start us off in a terribly creepy place. The singled out line of ‘I always fell’ just shows us from the start how, even in sleep, this boy found no sort of comfort. I think the fact that you added he never ran to his parents bedroom because safety couldn’t be guaranteed there. In just a few paragraphs, not even that, you’re already creating such a dynamic character.

The following - I would awake covered in a sheen of sweat, oh Lord. I’m not sure if I’m making it more twisted than it actually is, but regardless it’s still staying that way in my head and it’s so.. shivers.

Oh, nope. I forgot about the line that follows that line and definitely proves I am NOT making it more ick in my head than you intended. It was absolutely intended for ick.

I swear, these lyrics could have been written straight for Severus.

God, you’re doing such an incredible job at making this *Severus*. He’s blaming Lily. Blaming Lily for moving past him, for leaving him, not even owning up to his very real part in it all. ‘The more I tired to love her, the more I repulsed her.’ YES. That just summed up everything I feel about these two. No matter what, their friendship would have ended because his love for her would have just grown and grown and suffocated her until she couldn’t even take being his friend.

Now, because I know how it ends, I understand why he thinks he ‘could have’ lost her forever. In my head I was saying you *did* lose her forever, but he didn’t. Not in his twisted mind in this story, at least.

This (third, am I on the third section???) section with his thoughts circling around longing to know what it was like to be her, to feel her hair on his shoulders. God this is all so twisty and sick and it’s so amazing. You.. missy. I’m rather scared of you right now.

How do you make her love you? Even while he so desperately wants to understand, he has no idea. He still thinks love is about control, possession. He wants to know how James *makes her* do it. He doesn’t understand that no one makes her do anything. No one makes you love anyone. She love James because of who he is, and you can’t possess that.

This paragraph about the dark lord is when things really start changing. It’s our first hints of the AU, well, not our first ones.. but the more clear ones. We know that wasn’t the day in canon that it brought her to him, and that just sends this huge shiver down my spine because of what’s going to happen. Severus can barely keep himself and Lily separate in his own mind. He has no idea of the person she is outside of what *he* thinks she is. And god, I swear this is even more incredible the second time reading it.

He really thinks he’s coming to save her. That’s the part I’m so, so creeped out by. He has made it so solid in his own mind that he must save her, that he’s protecting her, that he’s giving her their life.

And of course it’s still on Halloween. It has to be on Halloween still...but this, what happens is almost so much worse than what really happened that night. All she’s doing is taking Harry around tricker treating, just a normal night because in this, there isn’t anything to be afraid of. At least to her. No death threats, no hiding... she never even expected it.

Sarah. you’re killing me. I’m just imaging what you were imagining during all this, and I swear you probably sat there for at least twenty minutes wondering how you wrote something so disgusting and dark, but at the same time so insanely amazing. You had to have just thought, did *I* do this? Did I do this? Then been so proud of yourself because this truly is incredible. Right? Well, if you were insanely proud of yourself, I’m insanely proud of YOU enough to make up for it.

I think you changed just enough to make it clear where Severus still was and what was happening with James without making it any more clear than the rest. It can’t be clear, because we’re in this absolutely terrible deranged mind where nothing is clear. But it was still easy to understand what was happening and it was so terrible and and :(. I hate him. I don’t care if he’s mental. I still hate him.

This. Sarah.

This is truly, truly an incredible piece of work. It’s probably the most terrifying thing I’ve ever read, but at the same time it’s so addicting. You can’t stop reading. The way you created Severus, the mind set you put him in and were careful *never* to take him out. you didn’t have him go from this sweet little boy to a deranged killer. You had something inside his head very much messed up, then it grew and grew. It went from wanting to be her with polyjuice potion, to wanting to save her by destroying the thing that kept them apart. The craziness, the insanity was always there. But the longer he went without possessing Lily, the more it came out. Until he created this Dark Lord, this figment of his own imagination that gave him the orders. That pushed him to finally take that last step into owning Lily, taking her for his own.

I feel like I want to hug you with the biggest tightest hug ever, and at the same time I also want to clean all these terrible mental images out of my mind.

I’m just in awe of you right now.
♥

Author's Response: Okay, okay! I’m here! Now, how bad is it that the ‘terribly creepy place’ I start in is actually the recurring nightmare from my childhood? :S Although, I did run to my parents room so that’s okay (having checked there were no scary spears and swords sticking up out of my floor).

Hahahaha - I loved reading your train of thought over that specific moment. ‘Am I sick-minded? Oh, no... Sarah’s sick-minded.’ You’re right; it very much was intended for ick. Poor Sev.

The lyrics - right? I had the idea for a long time, and then I happened to be thinking about it whilst iTunes was on shuffle and Radiohead came on, and it was a lightning bolt moment!

Yeah I really wanted to get the tension between Severus’s love/desire and the fact that it was just *too much*. I think we both know that with some girls (or maybe all of us!) the tighter you try to hold on, the more we want to get away!

I want to say I’m sorry I scared you... but I’m not. Rwahaha. I really, really enjoyed writing this. Don’t get me wrong, I adore my Weasleys and Grangers and Potters, but it was a lot of fun to write something twisted and sick and dark for a change.

You sum this Severus Snape up so well - he thinks love is about control and possession. And then you actually made me tear up and have James/Lily feelings in a *review* (you are good lady!) with : “No one makes you love anyone. She loves James because of who he is, and you can’t possess that.â€�

Yep, Snape is one sick puppy. Serious mental issues going on there.

You’re so sweet - I actually didn’t spend much time thinking ‘Did *I* do this?’ - mainly rubbed my hands together in glee, cackling away. Hermione’s got a dark side, baby ;) But thank you for being insanely proud of me, you are an inspiration to me (but obviously... not for this story. Ick.)

Thank you so so much for your feedback before I uploaded this, because you were totally right, it wasn’t clear at first as to where he was and what had happened with James. I hate Snape too. *hugs*

So... I’ve been responding to each of your points but I’ve now run out of words because you’re just so kind and your opinion means so much to me, and if I creeped you out and drew you in, then that makes me very happy indeed. Particularly as this was my first attempt at writing any horror/dark!

Are the mental images gone? Can I have my hug now?

♥

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