I took on the challenge of reviewing just chapter 5 as you requested! What for other readers may have been old news, for me it came as a shock. The fact that the book keeping was lacking, that Oliver was married to Penelope and wouldn't sign the papers. You've got yourself quite a story here!
I loved the first part, the scene in which Oliver looks over the finances of the team. Something about his attitude made me grin! He's my kind of guy, won't take any nonsense and wants to fix things.
I loved Percy! He was so in character and his ramblings just made me giggle! Oh and Dobby on the statue! *tear* That broke my heart!
This story is very interesting and I liked the ending, when on top of everything else, one of his players got suspended! I loved your writing style, everything seems to fall into place so naturally that it's a joy to read! Keep up the good job!Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing this chapter! I wasn't sure if you'd want to or not, as starting a few chapters into something can be awkward, so I appreciate this review a lot.
We only found out Oliver was married to Penelope this chapter, so you're not too far behind. And yes, Oliver is going to be as difficult as he can be to poor old Penny, but isn't that what makes it entertaining!
Oliver is definitely a no-nonsense kind of guy, but he's not one to throw in the towel, and he's in this for the long run, or at least until he gets Puddlemere back on its feet.
Percy was such fun to write. I may have to bring him back at a later stage. I just love that oddball so much. . . . and Dobby made a cameo! If he can't be alive darn it, he's going to be immortalized in statue form!
Thank you so much for the lovely review! Report Review
Okay, so this was definitely another filler chapter but I enjoyed it nevertheless - short and sweet!
There were many elements to this chapter that I enjoyed. I think the thing I like most about this story is how much of a disaster being manager of Puddlemere United is turning out to be, and how Oliver's life really just keeps going downhill. I think we saw a lot of this downhillness in this chapter!
I really enjoyed Oliver's interactions with all the people he talked to in the Ministry, especially Penny and Percy. Actually, especially Percy, because he's always been one of my favourite characters, and you made him perfectly pompous and boring! I loved how when Oliver talked about the Tornadoes, Percy instantly assumed he was talking about the weather. That was a nice touch.
This bit: ďThursday-,Ē she began.
ďBrilliant,Ē I clapped my hands together
ď- the twenty sixth of March,Ē she finished' was also very nicely done, and made me laugh. Things really aren't going very well for Oliver, are they? And to top it all off, he gets back from the Ministry and finds out that Pippa has been suspended from playing Quidditch! What next?
This was a fun chapter! I'm sorry that this review wasn't particularly helpful!
Courtney:)Author's Response: Hello!
I know, I'm dreadful for writing filler chapters, to be honest I'm worried this is going to turn into one gigantic filler!
Olivers life really is falling asunder isn't it? And I think for now Oliver is on on continuous downward spiral, but who knows, things might get better (then worse, then better again, then completely rubbish, mildly better and so on!)
I loved Percy, he was so fun to write! Completely awkward, rather pompous and always boring, and I just had to include his little speech about tornadoes, only Percy would take that literally!
I love that receptionist, you know, she may just make another appearance. I get way to attached to characters, but ah well!
Yes, Pippa was suspended, poor girl, and I guess poor Oliver as well!
Thank you so much for the review! I really do enjoy them :D Report Review
YAY AN UPDATE! Thanks for requesting a review. I've been so busy lately, there's no telling how long it would have taken me to notice a new chapter!
Ah Pippa, I love her so much. He knew she'd be late, so he told her that practise was an hour earlier than it was. To funny! Also, I dunno if you noticed, but I totally nominated Pippa for "Best Original Character (Female)" for the Keckers ;D
Gaaahahaha. No lights. Oh my gosh, between that, the splinter death-trap, and the way they've clearly never seen a blackboard, this just gets better and better.
Oh my god, I'm actually laughing out loud. "Elbow him in the face." "No." "Punch him in the face."
Ahhh, a twist ending. Wow, for somebody who didn't know where their own chapter was going, you wrote this so well! It may be my favorite chapter yet, actually. Ritchie is just so likeable. He's kind of like Mundungus Fletcher, in a way, but he's just a pleasant guy so it's hard not to like him.
Well done! Can't wait for chapter five!Author's Response: Yaay! A review! You have no idea how much I love your reviews!
Yes, Oliver may be new, but he is well up on the way Pippa functions :P
And don't worry, I noticed. I'm just going to be all cool and casual about it.
THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU ARE THE BEST! :D HUGS! FREE CAKE! MORE HUGS!
Ahem. . . like I said, cool and casual.
You also may have noticed that I nominated Seamus for 'Best Minor Character' and Edie for 'Best Original Female', how could I not?
Yes, they really don't have a clue do they. And I love that splinter death-trap, it just works so well with the on-going theme of 'abandoned-but-not stadium'
Pippa really needs to work on her seeker techniques, because I don't think shes going to get away with punching and elbowing people in the face for much longer. . .hee hee. . .mysterious. . . .
Yes, a twist at the end! I feel so bad for writing Harry as the bad guy, it goes against everything I believe in! But it had to be done, I keep telling myself that.
I love Ritchie, I really do! He tries so hard. . .
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE WONDERFUL REVIEW AND THE NOMINATION! :D
Ooow a twist in the plot... I like that. I think we're going to see some of Oliver's temper! I don't think he's going to take this without a fight. How dare they steal from Puddlemore :)
This can turn into a very exciting battle against the Tornadoes, I'm curious how that going to go...
I hope the team will get better, they should show what they're worth. Since they're not worth very much at the moment.
MayaAuthor's Response: Well hello there :P
Yes, major plot twist! And Oliver's temper will definitely be making an appearance, snarky Oliver is going to come out to play! And yes, he will get his screaming match, but maybe not with the person you'd expect (hee hee, mysterious spoiler!)
Yes, its going to be a battle, moreso for Puddlemere to prove themselves, and they will be showing what they are worth, honest!
Thank you so much for the review :D Report Review
So far I really like this story (:Author's Response: I glad! :)
Thank you for the review! Report Review
So, it's literally raining here. I was walking down main street and my face was attacked by little drops of water! Gah, I hate the rain.
Now that I got "ranting about the weather" out of the way:
Man, this chapter is way exciting. I knew that they probably weren't going to win, but having Pip elbow that kid in the face was priceless.
I've got a soft spot for all of these characters. Although, Ritchie is still my favorite.
In regards to hating...I don't hate any of your characters! They're all just a riot.
Seamus is in this chapter?? Hi Seamus! Remember when you blew off your eyebrows? I do! I nearly got my eyebrows shaved, but you grew them back, so I'm good :D.
Ole' Ollie is awesome. He's in my top three favs, but I feel as though there's some chemistry developing between him and Pip. Maybe Kathy? I'm just throwing theories out into the atmosphere, hoping one of them is right.
Oh, so they're not going to get paid for a few weeks. That'll be harsh on Woody :/ it's okay, Ollie! I hear the streets aren't that rough, you just have to learn how to rummage through rubbish bins :D
Great update, it's getting more and more intense!
JackAuthor's Response: I hate the rain as well! Its just after stopping here, but still. . . . . grr. . . . .
I don't think anyone expected them to win really, but I had to let Pip injure somebody, and I'm afraid the other poor seeker fit the bill . . . . . ah well!
Ritchie is just a sweetheart, you can't not like him!
I'm glad you like all the characters, as there are a lot of them , and none are really very canon! So this is good to know :)
Hmm. . . . Pip and Oliver? Kathy and Oliver? Who knows where this is going to go (seriously, even I don't!)
Thank you for the review :D Report Review
Hello there! Iím here with your review!
I loved the beginning of this chapter. It made me smile to see how dedicated to his job Oliver is, and the fact that he still had his old quidditch model made me laugh. I can just imagine him playing with it, when he got bored.
I liked the banter between Wood, and the team before they started training. It, again, reminded me of his old practises, and I did feel really sorry for the team as I know how horrible it is, to be woken that early. That banter also allowed us to get to know the rest of the team better, as at the moment we only really knew a few of them, so this was a great thing to do.
There not the type of people you would expect to find on a quidditch team with their drinking, smoking and fighting, but I think thatís what makes them all so special, as it is really endearing when they do try, as itís so unexpected, you canít help but feel insanely proud for them.
Haha I loved the ending! I can understand that it must hurt Oliver, that James Potter was the cause of all of his troubles, as his dad used to be on the same team as him, now his son is preventing his team from getting any better. It does explain the worn down state of the stadium, and it all fitted in well. Iím still hoping for them to play a match against the Chudley Canons, just to see how bad it would be!
The only CC I would give, is that the majority of this chapter was dialogue. Though that was really good, as you write it well, and it was funny, it doesnít leave much room for description, so perhaps if you included more in the next chapter, so we get a better sense of the surroundings :)
It was another great chapter though, and made me laugh all the way through!
-Kiana!Author's Response: Yes, Oliver is rather dedicated! I think, even though the team really are 'no-hopers', he still can't help but believe in them, even just a small bit!
Being woken up early is one of the worst things, ever. I'm trying to give everyone a voice, so we get to know everyone instead of just zoning in on a few characters and having the rest pop in and out when needed!
They aren't exactly the model athletes, but you're right, when they try, you just feel so proud! I'm worse than an over-enthusiastic mother on the sidelines screeched 'Go get 'em!'
Yes, that really did hurt Oliver, and I'm pretty sure he won't be able to keep that anger in for too long. . . .
And a match against the Chudley Cannons. . . . interesting. . . .I'll se what I can do!
Yes, description is one of my weaker points. . . .I promise to add in more next time!
Thank you for the review :D Report Review
Oooh, I liked it! And that twist at the end was very nice. I'm quite glad that James Potter is in a different Quidditch team and that Puddlemere United has a cast of original characters rather than canon one, because it gives you a lot more room to explore. However, I am looking forward to seeing what Oliver does about this new situation. I'm hoping for some drama, personally. I'm also wondering whether Harry and/or James will be introduced to this story...I'm not so secretly hoping so!
Aw, it was so like the Oliver I remember, getting the team up at six in the morning...and I love the fact that he woke Pippa up even earlier, just to ensure she'd be there on time. I am loving Pippa more and more, by the way. And the part about Oliver's old Quidditch pitch model brought a huge goofy grin to my face. It's details like that which makes me want to go and re-read the Harry Potter books all over again.
I don't really have any CC's for this chapter, to tell you the truth. Perhaps a little more description and imagery would be nice, especially between the dialogue but that's just me nitpicking.
Courtney:)Author's Response: Yes, my poor original characters have been subject to much abuse, or as you put it 'exploring', because I really didn't want to make this about one of the Weasley/Potters children, but something a bit, well I suppose different! Don't worry though, Harry and James will be making an appearance at some stage (the former maybe sooner than later!)
There will be drama, and plenty of loyalty, don't you worry!
I love Pippa too! I think she is so fun to write because she is just so zany and scatty, and to be honest, even I haven't figured out who she is yet! So that should be fun to work out!
I always loved Oliver and his slightly manical way of doing things, so your not alone amongst the Wood lovers :)
Ahh yes, the description. That really is my downfall, and something I seriously need to work on!
Thank you for the wonderful review :D Report Review
Haha, I'm starting to really enjoy this story.
The first chapter I did not really know where it was going but it is getting clearer and the fact that the plot isn't all over it really makes it better. It makes me wonder what will come next, the suspence is really nice.
You've got me hooked on it so keep on writing!!
x MayaAuthor's Response: Oh, believe me the direction of this story is going to get a whole lot foggier (lets face it, I have no clue where I'm going with this!)
Thank you for such a nice review! Report Review
Hello there! I like the idea behind this story a lot :D I don't read enough about quidditch on here, so this was very intriguing to me.
The descriptions of setting was just brilliant. I could image the old stadium in all of it's anti-grandness.
The character introduction was great. You introduced just enough to let me know who your characters are, but not enough for me to guess their whole story within the first chapter. All of this being said, my favourite character is Ritchie :) There's just something about short, balding men that makes me giggle like a teenage girl.
My favourite part of this story (that made me laugh really hard):
"Hello, my name is Oliver Wood, I am your new manager," I finished with flair, deciding to strike the pose that Dumbledore had favoured when welcoming students to Hogwarts (epic visual imagery here). Arms spread wide, as if I was about to hug someone, and a big smile plastered across my face. They all just gawped at me, not blinking. I dropped my hands, but kept my smile intact.
Okay, so other things I like about your writing style:
1-The air of mystery you have throughout the plot. I mentioned this earlier, but Oliver doesn't give his whole background story. This is unique! We have to figure it out like the rest of the team, and I just love that.
2-Narration was very smooth, keeping the flow of the chapter to a good pace.
3-Your humour is subtle and does not rely on dialogue :D
Awesome! I really enjoy this story! I don't have any writing style criticism, but I did notice some minor grammar problems. You had quite a few run-on, or fused, sentences. This is better than the fragmented sentences that I normally read on here. I wouldn't worry too much about it, because it doesn't take away from the awesomeness that is this story.
soapman333Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing this!
Yes, the stadium is rather. . .er. . basic to say the least. And I'm glad you liked the introductions of all the characters, as I didn't want it to end up like 'This is Mary, she is 5'5 ,has blue eyes, blonde hair, enjoys soup'
And Ritchie, I secretly think he's one of my favourites too :)
Ah yes, Dumbledores signature pose! I had to include it, I always loved it when he did it in the books so I was just like 'Intro! We are using it!' my plot bunny tried to stop me, but I didn't listen. . .poor Mario. . .
I'm glad you thought the plot flowed well, as this was a concern of mine!
And I'm glad you thought it was funny, this is good, very good :)
Back at you, bravo on your review :D
Siriusly89 Report Review
Hi! Thanks for the swap :)
This was a really cute start to the story. I really liked how Oliver didn't say too much during the first part of the chapter, because it really emphasized the description of the players talking circles around him. It was funny to imagine him just standing there and trying to be patient. I also really like how I've started to get to know each of your players without being hit over the head with, okay, this is this person, and here's everything about them, and this is the next person, and here's everything about them... you know? That's good.
In fact, the only thing I felt like was missing was more of a sense of Oliver's characterization. I would have liked to know more about the circumstances he was coming from and what his life outside of his work was like. But I'm sure that's coming in the next chapter or two.
Nice start :)
-AmandaAuthor's Response: Awh! Thank you so much :D
Ohh thank goodness! Because that is the biggest danger with multi-character stories, especially when you're introducing so many at the one time! I didn't want it to be a thing of 'This is Mary she is twenty she is blonde', so I'm glad it turned out okay!
And yes, I was purposely vague withh the whole 'what is Oliver doing teaching these ruffians' thing, as it is to be revealed at a later stage!
Thank you so much for the review :D Report Review
YES I WILL READ THIS STORY. Hello, I am here with your very late requested review. My apologies, real life has been too prevalent lately :c But I am here at last, and can't wait to read this new chapter because I siriusly love this story.
Baaahahaha, I love Pippa's analysis of Ginny. Too happy-clappy for marrying her first crush. That always was something that I found horribly unbelievable, that these people never grew apart after being in love since the age of 12 or whatever. And Wood's response to the best Quidditch team was hilarious.
Gahahahaha. Have I mentioned how much I love your Finnegan family? Seamus hiding the bottle behind his back and holding Pippa off with one hand--I imagine it to be over her face--is too funny!
The scene at the pub with Oliver and Kathy was really sweet. I really like all of your characters, but she really resonates in this chapter. The bit where she was worried about getting old was so earnest and I feel like she wasn't even trying to get Oliver to tell her she looks young (even though I do sense a bit of a budding romance there?)
And how sad that Oliver is divorcing his wife. Plot twist! Or at least to me; I don't think you've already mentioned that bit.
Gah! The barmaid was Romilda Vane?! You know how I love the insertion of minor characters. Really nice touch; I can totally see her sauntering around like you said. And she sure is good at potions brewing... like love potions. Really funny that you tied that all in!
And the mustache!
I don't care if this chapter was "filler," like you said, it was so good! And fluffy! And we got to know more about Wood and his teammates. I think it was a brilliant job, you really have a knack for writing humor.
♥!Author's Response: Your reviews are always worth the wait! Which reminds me, I am running rather behind on my requested review front as well. . . . .oh dear. . . .
I actually am one of those people that like Ginny, but Pippa is rather different to me so I put that in! I think Pippa has a very clear view of the world, and she's not drawn in by fairy tales and happily-ever-afters!
I love Seamus, so much :D Really I do, possibly a bit too much but anyway!
Yes, Kathy and Oliver's moment was rather cute! As this story is slightly, err. . . . . writing itself, I don't know as of yet if there will be romance between these two, but I do like them together.
I know, poor old Oliver is getting divorced! I plan on introducing everyone to his ex-wife in the coming chapters, but who knows where she'll make an appearance :P
Yes! The barmaid was Romilda Vane! I sort of wanted to give an explanation as to the reason Pippa is the way she is (complete raving lunatic do you know :P) and Romilda just seemed like the perfect fit!
Aah! I'm so glad you noticed the 'good with potions' bit!
I have an unhealthy obsession with mustaches, so naturally Oliver had to get one (even if its only temporary!)
Thank you so uch for another fantabulous review, they really do make my day :D Report Review
Nice chapter, loved your description of the fight between the seekers!Author's Response: Yes, that Pippa has some anger issues, but I love her despite this! Thank you for the review! Report Review
Just came across this story and it seems really interesting, full of promise!Author's Response: Awh! Thank you so much! :D Report Review
As a huge sports fan, I'm really enjoying this so far. The descriptions of the characters, who seem to be quite the band of misfits, and the conditions of the club set the tone that they are they classic underdogs who nobody expects much of; the type of characters that are the protagonists of most sports movies.
It was very interesting to see Oliver at this stage in his life and how he seems to be finding a new outlet for his competitive spirit. It reminded me of an article I was reading recently about Michael Jordan and how it's hard for him to deal with getting old when he still has the same drive, but his body has slowed down. I'm sure its a similar case for somebody like Oliver, and he'll be just as driven as a manager as he was a as a player. I'd be interested to see a little more of his intervening backstory such as his investments and how he got into coaching, but maybe that will be discovered throughout the rest of the story.
This was a very interesting opening, and needless to say I'd like to keep reading.Author's Response: Hi there!
I am glad your enjoying this! I am in no way, shape or form a sporty person, so I feel a bit out of my depth, but thank you for that, I'm glad to hear I'm on the right track
Olivers past will be revealed in later chapters, as will how he came back to coaching! Oliver is definitely still as competitive as ever!
Please do keep reading! :)
Thank you so much for such a nice review!! Report Review
Hey there! Thanks for re-requesting!
I have to admit, I didn't actually realize Oliver was so...old! As silly as it seems, I find it odd to think of the Harry Potter canon characters growing up and growing old, but it's awesome to find out what the characters have done with their lives. For example, I loved the way that you gave us a little insight into Oliver's backstory in this chapter, and why he returned to Puddlemere. And Seamus is just awesome! Full stop.
I really love you characterization of each and every character. Pippa particularly stands out. I love the way you described her outfit as: 'She looked like the lovechild of a flamingo and a disco ball.' I am now intrigued to find out more about each character and what they bring to the story.
Aw, I love how Oliver still reflects on his time at Hogwarts and how he reckons his Quidditch team was the best! I just re-read the books and realized how much I loved Oliver in them and how much humour he brought to the story, which makes it even more fun reading this!
I loved the line: 'ďThat one? No! Too happy-clappy for my liking. I mean, she married her first crush, the womanís practically a walking romance novel." I actually chuckled a bit while reading it. There are a lot of Ginny haters out there. I personally really like her in the books, but it was a great line, nevertheless.
This chapter definitely was a little fillery, but there's nothing wrong with that. However, for future reference, just be sure to have a good balance between dialogue and descriptions, etc.
Very nice third chapter!
Courtney:)Author's Response: Thank you for re-reviewing :P
Yeah, Oliver is quite old in this! I sort of have the same problem as you! The epilogue was quite weird for me! I was a bit like 'hang on, your not supposed to have kids!' I'm glad you liked Oliver's backstory, as we will be finding out more as the whole thing progresses.
I know, I love Seamus too! And Pippa, oh that crazy child and her fashion choices. . .we will be finding out more about every character as they go on, but to be honest they are kind of developing their own personality as it goes on, so even I don't know how they'll turn out in the end!
I actually love Ginny, but Pippa seems to be like a very realistic girl, who might be silly and a immature, but has a very clear vision of the world, and so I added in that line :D
Thank you so much for such a nice review :D Report Review
Hi! Iím here with you requested review, and yay another chapter!
I really loved how Wood is still loyal to his Gryffindor quidditch team, as I have to agree they were pretty awesome! Iím glad that Pippa agrees with me on Ginny, sheís just too perfect, itís annoying! I liked how you made her every female playerís idol though, it made me laugh, how her and Harry are idolised differently.
Pippa is awesome again in this chapter; sheís just so eccentric, that whenever she appears, you know that youíre in for some laughs. She and Oliver are quite close, though it may be due to her being the only decent player on the team, but is it too early to wonder whether thereís any romance on the cards for those two. Though if she is Seamusís daughter, there must be a significant age gap between the two, so perhaps not!
I really liked your dialogue in this chapter, it was just fast paced, but not too fast that you got lost, and it always flowed well, and linked together well. I like that itís realistic and funny, so you can imagine yourself in that conversation as well.
I never really thought about why Oliver came back to Puddlemere, as I just assumed that he loved the team, and that his pure love for it, is what drove him back to it. It was nice to see that he had more depth though, and it was interesting finding more about his backstory. I would like to know more about the circumstances of it all, and the wife, as then will get to know Oliver better.
I thought when Oliver woke up at Kathyís flat that they had slept together or something like that, but I was glad to find that wasnít the case, as Iím still an Oliver/Pippa shipper at heart, even though Iím not sure whether it will happen.
I liked that you added a bit of backstory to Kathy as well, as that way sheís more memorable, and not just part of the team, itís nice that we learn a bit more about a certain character each chapter. Ooh so maybe that brown eyed boy isnít her son after all? I liked that you included that, as though itís primarily a humour novel, you still include some depth into it, which is great, as then you get the best of both worlds!
I thought it was another great chapter, and no CCís and I look forward to reading more :DAuthor's Response: Eep! You review so fast! And for that I am eternally grateful :)
Yes, Oliver still remembers the 'good auld days' at Hogwarts! In my mind, Oliver is a very loyal, if not socially awkward person, so we will be seeing more of this!
I am actually one of those people that like Ginny (in both the books and the movies. . . .I'm sorry! I'm a romantic at heart!) but I always invisioned Pippa as someone who has got their head screwed on right and their feet firmly planted on the ground, it would be hard to pull the wool over her eyes, and she's not about to turn into a romantic sap, because that's just not who she is!
Oh I do love Pippa! She really is such fun to write, because she is just so. . . .zany and completely bonkers! I actually never thought of putting Oliver and Pippa together! But seeing as this story is writing itself so far, it could happen!
I'm glad you could follow the dialogue, because it felt a bit like. . . .word vomit in places! Just random people shouting out random things, and I was worried that people would get confused, so I'm glad it was readable!
Oh don't worry! I planned from the beginning that if there was going to be some romance in this chapter, that it would be subtle and not mish-mashed thrown together just for the sake of it! And I don't think Kathy's that kind of girl, especially seeing as she only met Oliver a few days previous!
We will be learning more about everyone as the chapters progress, but I will be focusing in on some more than others! And Pippa really seems to be stealing the show at the moment, so we will be seeing more of her!
Thank you again for such a wonderful review :D
Hey there! It's Courtney, here for your requested review:)
First of all, I want to say that I think this is an awesome idea for a new, original story! I absolutely love everything and anything to do with Oliver Wood, whether that be angst, humour, Quidditch, drunkenness or a combination of the above. And you have certainly ticked some of these boxes!
From what I've seen this chapter, the dynamics and chemistry of the players of Puddlemere United are very interesting. I've never read about a Quidditch team that is quite so...erm, unorganized, and I feel a little sorry for Oliver, after his success with the Hogwarts Gryffindor team. However I can tell that there are going to be some very funny moments between the team members, and I like the fact that you are already beginning to give each and every character their own individual personality.
I think that Pippa is my favourite character so far. She seems very quirky and a little spunky which I absolutely love. I also loved her line: 'ďI canít find my gum shield,Ē she muffled from in under the bench' because it was just so randomly perfect! And Oliver's characterization is great. I can totally see some of that slightly maniacal Quidditch captain from his school days, especially when he's watching his team play and is getting quite frantic. Very funny!
I love the random little humorous bits you have scattered throughout this chapter that make it very enjoyable to read. I think my personal favourite line was: 'ďThat was not a firewhiskey,Ē I coughed, wiping the back of my mouth with my hand.
ďIt was. . . . . mostlyĒ she conceded.'
A very nice chapter-I think this is going to turn out to be an absolutely awesome story!
Courtney:)Author's Response: Awh! Thank you so much for such a nice review :D
Yes, Pippa might just be my favourite as well! Usually when I write characters, they tend to end up rather 'Mary-Sueish', but I'm happy with the way she is turning out at the moment! Rather random, but still loveable :P
I did try to keep some of Olivers craziness, as that was always rather entertaining in the books! Who doesn't love that guy at matches that screams at everyone?
Thank you again for such a nice review :D Report Review
Alrighty, so, I'm here with your review and just to start off, I really enjoyed this first chapter.
There are some small grammar mistakes at the beginning of the chapter and the only reason that I noticed them to be perfectly honest is because I have a tendency to zero in on the things that aren't right in a story.
Personally, I thought the story flowed really well. I didn't even notice I was finished the chapter until I got to the very bottom of the page and then I was like "wow, I didn't even notice I'd finished reading".
I always thought that Puddlemere United was one of the best teams and had the best of everything but obviously a lot can change in a few years. They practically sound broke now. I wonder if Oliver is going to do any renovations since he seems to own "half of Diagon Alley".
It was at the part where the team started practice that I really noticed the Oliver Wood coming out in Oliver. I couldn't help but smile when he was criticizing the team and how well they played. You did an especially good job on that part so well done.
This sounds like a real challenge for Oliver. Train an entire team that apparently can't play for nothing and it looks like he might have to pay for equipment if I were to go by the old stuff that the team has.
I don't know all of your characters but so far I really like them. Ritchie is one of my favourites because he's just so darn funny (or, at least he is to me) and I already love Oliver.
I'd say you did a pretty awesome job on this!Author's Response: Awh! Thank you so much for such a nice review! :D
I will definitely go back and fix those mistakes! Thank you for pointing them out to me! :D
I'm glad you thought it flowed well, as I felt it could get a bit jerky at times, so thats nice to know!
Technically Oliver does own half of Diagon Alley, but is having a spot of money trouble, so I highly doubt he'd be able to afford to fix the entire club up! Ah well!
Oh! I'm so glad you said this! Because sometimes when your reading ff, a canon character has gone through this personality transplant and they are completely different to the way they acted in the books! So I'm glad you liked this!
Ritchie is just a pet, and I'm glad your finding him humorous! I definitely have a soft spot for him :D
Thank you so much for such a nice review :D Report Review
The description of the locker room was particularly funny--especially the bit about the walls always being wet! Why is it that so many public spaces like that are ALWAYS full of condensation?! haha.
I just love your Oliver Wood. He's trying to be optimistic but knows that he's got a load of goofballs for his team members.
Pippa is my favourite, I think ;D The bit with her mouth guard (where she found it and why she needs it) was hilarious. Actually, I've been laughing at little bits throughout the entire chapter, like Oliver wrestling a pair of binoculars from a stranger's hands, and Thugs United. The scene change when Pippa said "It's still not as bad as that time with the Wanderers" really got me too!
Wait, is that Seamus? IS THAT SEAMUS. I think I'm going to have a heart-attack if it is; you know how much I love him (like a bro.)
Hahaha, "It was Firewhiskey! ...Mostly." Oh my gosh. This is too funny. I absolutely love the Finnegan family here, the mother especially.
And the ending. The ending! So funny! This is going on my favorites right now, I absolutely love this story.Author's Response: Hi there! :D
I know right? Its like the people who design public venues don't get the concept of ventilation! So I added that in for good measure!
I think Pippa is secretly my favourite as well! I haven't quite figured her out yet, but I like her so far! Optimistic with anger management issues!
That is Seamus. I COULDN'T RESIST! You know how much I love him!
Ah Pippa, when will you ever learn! This scene is actually leading into one that reveals more about Olivers personal life, and why he even took the job in the first place!
Thank you so much for all the support! I was afraid I wouldn't do a Quidditch fic justice (as I am just about the unsportiest person you will ever meet!)
Thank you again for reading and reviewing! This has made my day! :D Report Review
Hi it's patronus_charm with your review, wow you updated quickly *guiltily starts planning next long awaited chapter of story*
I felt kind of sorry for Oliver, because when he was captain of the Gryffindor quidditch team everything usually went perfectly, and the team were always motivated, and then you come to this rather motley crew, and you can just feel his great disapointment. Then he gets his infamous pep talk taken away from him, and you just begin to wonder why he ever agreed to do this.
Cokeworth doesn't sound like a very nice place, does it? With it being described as not very nice through Lily and Snape's memories, and then the dilapidated stadium and changing rooms, you begin to realise why a team coming from there would find it hard to win.
I'm really starting to like Pippa, with her thing about the gum shield, and the way she commits so many fouls. She seems to be the most motivated of the team as well by telling them off for being pessismistic. I have feeling that she's going to be interesting, so I'll look forward to reading more about her:)
I'm guessing from this line ďAnd yet another dropped Quaffle for Puddlemere United," that Puddlemere, are now even worse than the Chudley Canons if that's true, they must be awful! It would be funny to see the match between the two, and see how long it would take before the snitch was finally caught!
Yay Seamus appeared! I've always loved him, just because he's Irish and their accents are cool, so it was nice to see him. It's also always that bit more believable when you include canon characters, as they don't just disappear without a trace, like some people think they do!
I think the plot is great so far, as it really makes the reader want to read on. I'm eagerly anticipating whether Oliver will come up with a great scheme or not, which will save the team!
It flows well, and that makes it easy to read and keeps the reader interested!
As for characterisation I can see how they're all starting to develop their own personalities, and you're starting to have your favourites, Pippa in my case, and that's make you want to carry on reading, as you're eager to see what the next storyline involving them will be!
Overall another great chapter, and no CC's! I'm looking forward to reading more, Kiana :DAuthor's Response: Hi there :)
Thank you so much for such a nice (and speedy!) review! Your reviews always make my day :D
I too feel rather sorry for Oliver! But I promise he will get his speech moment! It is coming!
And Cokeworth was never described as a particularly well-maintained town, so it seemed like the perfect place :P
I'm glad you like Pippa! I have to admit I have a bit of a soft spot for her! I read a blog once that said no real person slots into an already designed category, so I'm trying to give these characters a range of different traits, so they don't become boring :)
I'm glad that the story holds your interest, as this was one of the points I was a bit worried about!
Thank yo again for such a lovely review :D Report Review
Hi! This Faux from the forums with your requested review! I have a few comments to make:
PLOT/STYLE: I am mad into your writing style xD Seriously though, your prose is very clear and clever, and you've got some great descriptions woven in. Especially toward the beginning, some of your dialogue is a bit awkward/unnatural, but for the most part everything flows very well. The plot reads well, though I would've preferred a little more action.
CHARACTERS: I like them all so far, especially Oliver, who's very canon (just grown up). I guess there could have been a little more description of them in there, but as this is only your first chapter, you'll have plenty of time for that.
I love this kind of post-Hogwarts story, because it's about something other than Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Draco! Very fun and engaging!
Thanks for making a request - I had a lot of fun reading your story, so feel free to re-request in the future! :)Author's Response: Thank you so much!
I;m glad you like it so far! I agree this chapter was a bit on the boring side, but in my opinion first chapters always are :P
I'm glad you liked the description, as this is my weak point and I usually forget to add enough in!
Thank you so much for such a nice review :D Report Review
Hi Siriusly89! This is Cleopatraa here with her review swap :D
Well first thing first I would recommend getting a banner at TDA as a lot of people donít tend to read stories without a banner. Next to that your there isnít a gap between your first and second alinea.
I could see Oliver Wood definitely do this later on in life. The job fits him perfectly and this is the first where I read a story where the main character has this job.
I like the fact you have chosen to write about a character like Oliver Wood, who is a minor character, though a popular minor character, still a minor character.
The story seems pretty sweet to me! Keep up the good work!Author's Response: Thank you so much! :D
I have posted a request for a banner, but I kind of mucked it up, so I don't think anyone will fill it for me. . . . .ah well! I can always try again at a later stage! :D
I'm glad you like the concept of the story, I was worried people wouldn't take to it :D
Thanks again! Report Review
Hey it's patronus_charm with your review!
I thought the start was great, the way you descriped the rather decrepid Puddlemere stadium made me laugh, as Wood and everyone else thought he was onto something great, getting a chance to play on that team, but then finding it isn't as great as it's been made out to be, must be a bit of a downer, to say the least!
I have to admit, when I first read this story, I thought it was about Wood's time as a keeper on the team, but it only clicked when you mentioned 2002, and he was their manager, that this was set considerably later than I thought, so perhaps if you added more clarity on the time frame, it would lessen the confusion:)
I liked Oliver's narrative, as he provided a rather humourous one, which I certainly didn't expect. But, that was a nice surprise, and I think it rather suited him, as I expect that he mellowed with age, and he wasn't such a tense competitive person we know from Hogwarts.
I liked all the little facts such as The Beetle newspaper, and it being written by Skeeter, and we all know what her animagus form is, and the inclusion of Spinners End, as it was nice to know it does live on after Snape and Lily.
And Ritchie Coot, I'm guessing was the one who used to be on the Gryffindor quidditch team, right?
Now to your concerns!
As to whether it's in the right genres or not, I think it definitely is, due to the plentiful comedic moments, and I'm guessing with fluff being there, there may be some romance on the cards for Oliver?
I don't think the story is pointless, as I love it when someone takes a minor character, and adds to them, so they're interesting, and I never really thought about Oliver after the war, so it was nice to see he was still doing something quidditch related.
I don't think we've seen enough of the characters to know, whether you like them or not, but they do seem to have a lot of potential to make them interesting! I am loving Oliver though, as he is proving to be rather funny!
And no it certainly does not make me want to pull my hair out, as I'm really liking it so far, so feel free to re-request again, as this is a really original and funny piece of work! Kiana :)Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a lovely review!
I am glad that you are finding the humor, humorous! As this was one of my biggest fears! I would be generally known for being a funny person, so at least I now know I'm on the right track!
I am so glad you enjoyed it, because I was very worried about doing somthing humor-related, as my last escap√É¬© in this genre did not end well! So thank you so much for this!
I will most definitely be re-requesting when I post the next chapter! Thank you so much again! Report Review
GAAAHH first review spot! You have written an Oliver Wood story?! I'm so excited!
I absolutely love the premise of this story. Incredibly straight-laced and serious Oliver Wood having to turn around a team full of goofs? I love it. So does this take place after he played for their reserve team? Or before? Or is it just AU? I'd be interested to know!
I really like that you've got so many diverse characters. The young Seeker was by far my favorite; she seems really feisty, but still absent-minded enough to become distracted by staring at the sky. So great!
I have a feeling that this is going to be a really funny story. I'm so glad to see another WIP from you. Can't wait to read more!Author's Response: Yes! I have decided to bite the bullet in every sense and jump on the Oliver Wood bandwagon :P And I couldn't be more excited :D
This takes place when Oliver is much older, I haven't worked out the exact date, but he is in his forties anyway :) So he has well retired from the world of Quidditch :P
My aim was to get a range of different characters and kind of smush them together! I have a soft spot for Pippa as well :P And you will actually get to see just how fiesty she can be in the next chapter, lets just say that her size has nothing to do with her power :P
I know, I know, another WIP! I have a disease! I-can't-commit-to-stories-so-I-just-keep-starting-new-ones-itis :P
Hopefully I should finish Chapterino 2 in the next two days! :)
Thank you so much for reading this :D Report Review
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