Reading Reviews for The Fates Design
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Moonyxluna Return to Hogwarts

23rd October 2014:
Hey Jenn! Here with your requested review! I'm super excited to see what you've come up with.

Aw, Lily's got a little crush. I'm wondering what you plan on doing with this. Right now it seems like she sort of just has an infatuation with him, so I'm interested to see how you plan on developing her/them in the future chapters.

I really like Lily's characterization so far. She's a little sister but she definitely seems like she has a little bit of fire right in the beginning. The only thing I'm a bit wary of is the part about Rose being the typical "Head-Girl-super-smart-perfect-boyfriend" - it tends to be something that people characterize Rose under because of Hermione, so just keep it in mind to still make her her own person. Albus was very funny, too.

There were a few missing punctuation marks and I saw a couple of awkward sentences. It was definitely nothing that took away from the flow in that aspect, but if you edit take another look at those. Otherwise the overall flow of this introduction seemed to work very well!

I'm really interested in what the summary said about 'fates'. I'm wondering if you meant it to be a turn of words, or if you're going to be divulging into the idea of Fates from mythology a little bit. I think that'd be really neat to explore!

Albus! What an awful big brother, going through all of her stuff. haha. I'm looking forward to seeing more of him tormenting her through the story.

Before I say this next bit, I want you to know that I mean it in an absolute good way and this is not a bad thing. Lily seems a little childish here, with the snorting at what Rose was saying at breakfast and giving sneering looks towards the couple. It definitely gives her character more of a realistic vibe, because sometimes you just need to be hurt about those feelings, and you don't act them out in the best way. It sets up the opportunity for some character development with her, to see how she's going to deal with things in the future chapters and life.

So we have that little bit at the end where Scorpius is suddenly angry, and he's with another girl from Slytherin. I really think you've got an interesting introduction here! There wasn't too much that actually happened, but you did a wonderful job introducing everyone and setting up some feelings early on. Very enjoyable! I do hope you plan on continuing this soon. Let me know when the next chapter is posted!

Talk to you soon!
Julie

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Review #2, by aquabluez17 Return to Hogwarts

20th January 2013:
Hey! Its Mya here from the review tag =)

This was awesome! I did wonder where James was but I love Al and Hugo already. Rose just kinda pissed off which is really good since Lily was pissed off by her too so great characterization :D

I wonder who Scorpius was mad at...

One thing though, does Al know that Lily loves Scorp? I was a bit confused at that...

Great work! Can't wait to read more =)

Author's Response: Hi Mya!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. This one is a bit out of the box for me so it is going to take some time to get up and running again.

I am glad that you liked the characterization. It can be difficult to try to keep every character to character when you have so many of them in the story so I am happy that they didn't blur together. In response to if Albus knows... I think he more suspects and as for who Scorpius was mad at, well, you'll have to wait a few chapters. ;)

Thanks again!
~SR17


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