Reading Reviews for Wide Awake
  
130 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Betsy Black Dog

3rd April 2014:
I really like your story so far. I've always loved Marauder fic, but sometimes feel annoyed by the common cliches in them. Your story is very original and I think the characters stay true to canon. Even when you switch back and forth between POVs, it is easy to distinguish between the different voices. I loved the political detail that you added to this chapter because it is such an important part of the war that is raging around them. I appreciate that you didn't turn Peter's character into a blatantly ignorant drone or ignore his existence completely, as I have seen in so many stories. You also do a really good job of sticking to the time period and setting of the era. I realize this review is super long now, but I love it when I find a well-written, fun, smart story. I can't wait to continue reading, particularly about Sirius and Gemma. (Sirius/OC stories are kind of a guilty obsession for me)

Author's Response: Hello Betsy!! I don't mind that you left a long review - in fact, I always freak out (in a good way) every time anyone gives me a lot of feedback.

First of all, I feel you on the Marauders cliches, so I tried to stay away from them as much as possible. In 34 chapters, I don't think I've ever done the "You're serious?" "No, I'm Sirius" joke ... maybe I'll throw it in the last chapter just for giggles XD But anyways! Yeah, I've tried really hard to make this story different in that respect.

As for the realistic/canon part ... well most of these characters are based on me/people I know. So that's probably why it feels so realistic! But I've also added a lot of canon details, simply because it distances the story away from my real life. It's also supposed to be a "coming of age" tale, so I also wanted to connect it back to the canon Marauders after they're done with Hogwarts. I was also a Political Science major in college, so I just had to put the whole fascism part in there ;)

Which brings me to Peter. Sirius and Gemma sparked this story and it was originally supposed to be all about them ... but then I realized that all the other Marauders had to have subplots and it would be difficult to explain everything going on if everyone didn't have their own chapters. So that's why I decided to give Peter a brain - his chapters would be pretty boring otherwise!!

Thanks for reading - but I will say that you're early on in the story. Things are about to heat up for you XD

Carly


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Review #2, by Anon Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone

31st March 2014:
"It is with a heavy heart that I must share some bad news with you. Gemma is no longer with us." I literally cried for five minutes then said to my screen, I will find you and I will kill you. Then you ended up to be trolling us, so...

Author's Response: Yeah, I know that was a bit mean of me, but I literally wrote that sentence and was like omg, that sounds totally wrong ... but then ended up running with it XD

No need to kill me - things will get better I promise! And thank you for your reviews Anon!


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Review #3, by Anon 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover

31st March 2014:
I hate you, how could you do that to my remus. You cruel soulless monster. Oh THE FEELS!

Author's Response: Hang in there, things are not over yet ;)

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Review #4, by usualrandomnickname Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

25th March 2014:
Aah one of my favs! sounds so...real
And no I'm not a guy ever, I can't really imagine boys talking about love and stuff that open but for a girl's fantasy it works quite well.

Author's Response: Omg, I know right? I have a really hard time writing the boys' POV because I'm a female and I honestly have no idea what guys talk about when they're all alone in their dorm rooms. That's why I put in the disclaimer that I'd love for a guy to give me some pointers!!

Thanks for all your reviews ;)


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Review #5, by usualrandomnickname I Shot the Sheriff

25th March 2014:
I just noticed that, despite following this first class story for months, I missed the first chapter! (yes, I've begin to read all of it from beginning on once again, waiting :)
already strong and awsm!

Author's Response: You missed the first chapter? Ha! That's funny. Well now that you're rereading, you'll pick up on a lot of foreshadowing :D

And the next chapter is in the queue, should be out in about 4 days!


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Review #6, by MistyWitch 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover

18th March 2014:
Hi... I randomly came across this story... And I absolutely love it... I generally scour all Sirius/OC stories and marauders in general. And this story is by far offers the most explicit account of there every move and emotion.

Its commendable how every chapter is so well researched and articulate... and the analogy of fascism was well written.

I love the character of Marianne she is by far i feel most strong character... And generally I like sirius love stories coz i love him in general :)... but I really love James/Lily moments of your story... U have portrayed there chemistry well...

And the best thing I liked were the chapters image they are the best.. U have chosen the play-by well... they suit the characters perfectly...

Update soon i want to keep reading the fic its really addictive story

Author's Response: Well, I'm glad you found Wide Awake then! I love to hear from new people XD

I can't take credit for JK's work or the trends/fashions of the 70s, but most of the characters are based off me or people I've met (and I was a political science major in college, so I couldn't help but compare the situation to World War II XD ). So yes, it's well researched, but only because I've lived most of it. But I must say, it's been really fun to rediscover the HP universe and the events of the past!

Every time someone mentions their favorite character, no matter who it is I'm like, yeah me too! I think that's because I love all of them to. But Marianne has definitely been a joy to write. She's so precious XD

And thank you for mentioning the chapter images! I made all the face claims before I joined Tumblr (so I had no idea who Aaron Johnson is) so I may go back and change things ... or not. Don't know yet!

I'm about 80% done with the next chapter. I can't give you a definite release date, but soon!!

Thanks for the review MistyWitch!!


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Review #7, by SilverDarkHorse I Shot the Sheriff

18th March 2014:
Hello :)

I first came across this story some months ago on Mugglenet fanfiction, and read it with interest, but lost track of it after some time. Imagine my delight when I accidentally stumbled across it here!

I love your characterisation of James, and of Peter. The sensitive side of the former is something that you have written well. I also appreciate the fact that you've given Peter a bit of a brain and an ability to think - without making him the usual moron :)

I look foward to reading the rest of the chapters, and a sequel, should you decide to write one!

Author's Response: Hello!

Are you sure you read it on Mugglenet fanfiction? I don't think I've posted this story there ... maybe you're thinking of fanfictiondotnet? Whatever, that's beside the point. Thank you for coming back :DDD

James is such a little goofball, but I love it. I feel like a lot of fics portray him as "boy wonder" but I wanted to show his sensitive side. And Peter, oh Peter! He's probably my favorite character to write, simply because he hides in plain sight. If you continue to read on to the latest chapters, you'll see what I mean ;)

I've actually decided not to write a sequel, but believe me, this story will still be action packed and full of drama. There will a JK style epilogue, tho.

Thanks for the review, I really appreciate it XD


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Review #8, by whatevernickname 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover

16th March 2014:
oh...
me sad :(
i had estimated her to be more rebellious. "Lawyer face"...what a hard milieu

Author's Response: As I said in the author's note, this story isn't over yet! We've still got 4 chapters to go and Marianne may or may not be in Sirius' POV coming up next ;)

Thanks for the review!!



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Review #9, by randomnickname Heart Of Gold

12th March 2014:
Ow- at the end, again one of those moment when you think AHA! that explains SO MUCH!
I'm referring to the - line. How can Peter, later on, act so cruelly towards his friends if he doesn't, somewhere deep down, hate and envy them. And it shows this really much hatable part of good guy James. Thrilling, well done, nothing knew to you :)

Author's Response: Haha, I have to say, Peter is probably my favorite character to write. I always thought he hated/envied his friends, otherwise why else would he betray them?

Realistically, I think he defected because the war was getting too much for him, but to make his subplot more interesting, I decided to make his betrayal start at Hogwarts. Plus, Luciana is kind of a metaphor for addiction, so I thought that would be fun to play around with as well. But, as I said before, it's fun for me to write Peter in other people's POVs, because we all know what's going on in his head, but the other Marauders don't (you'll see more of this in the upcoming chapters - hopefully Remus' is published sometime tomorrow or the day after!).

Thanks for the review dear :DDD


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Review #10, by Anon Heart Of Gold

10th March 2014:
C'mon, I want more!!

Author's Response: The next chapter is awaiting validation my friend ;)

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Review #11, by Ian126 Heart Of Gold

28th February 2014:
This was great, I love seeing Sirius maturing and caring so much about gemma!

Author's Response: Hello again! Glad you're enjoying things XD

Yeah, Sirius is finally starting to grow up. Is he too late tho? You'll find out soon!

Thanks again for your reviews!


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Review #12, by randomnickname Looks Like Rain

26th February 2014:
Wha wha wha favcharacter? hard to say, almost all awwwsome!
I always have a big Remus crush (love of martyrs), and his story with Marianne was sweet, although a little kitch on the edges ("I save you, almost died and oh btw I'm a werewolf), in particular her reaction of IMMEDIATE understanding, that I didn't found very realistic. But I love how you imagined the world of upper-class wizards!
Gemma is huge, bit too dramatic sometimes, but c'mon, she smokes gillyweed! the beginning of her relation with Sirius - one of my fav moments I think. Sirius, hm, a little too aware of what he feels for an arrogant teenage boy, but still good match.
The Lily-James-mating cene is also one of my favs, Lily is also a really cool character.
I found Aeryn annoying in the beginning (think I skipped the Mrs. Puddifoot-ring-scene), but is becoming interesting with her bisexual feelings.
Peter is in my eyes very well done, you understand why he's still their friend,and the story with Luciana is also pretty fascinating.

In general for your story: sometimes too much details and characters thinking too much and too clearly - they could unfold more quietly, if you see what I mean.
But hell, you have such a lot of good, original ideas, you have managed your own coherent world and splendid characters, very well done and thank you sooo much :)

Author's Response: Hurray, a review!!

I also have a big Remus crush - ESPECIALLY when writers make him into a martyr. So I wanted to run with that idea and then add my own little spin to it, hence Marianne and the whole upper class wizard society stuff. But your comment about her reaction is spot on and it's one of the things I don't like about this fic. For plot purposes, I have to be rather frank about people's emotions, especially since the POV jumps around a lot. So I've been trying to sprinkle character actions throughout all the chapters, but yeah, it's not perfect.

Gemma is supposed to be a complete crazy pants, so that's why she's a bit dramatic. As for Sirius ... he's the other thing I don't like about this fic. Well, I do and I don't. He doesn't start out as the Sirius everyone knows and loves, but I want to show a progression into his more canon self that we see in the books. So don't judge him until you get to the end!

Lily and James are adorable, aren't they? I never liked them until I started writing this fic XD

Aeryn is supposed to be boring - I HATED writing her beginning chapters. They were like pulling teeth, I swear! But her eventual subplot is going to be good, so I pushed on thru XD I'm also so glad you like Peter! I modeled him after Peter Campbell from Mad Men - I wanted to show him being a sneaky little rat, ehehe.

Thank you for saying there are too many details, I will definitely cut unnecessary descriptions when I go back and edit the previous chapters. As for the thinking too much - as I said before, I want to show a progression, so hopefully you won't feel that way at the end. But if you do, please let me know in a review and I'll try and make the transition much smoother!!

Thanks randomnickname :D


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Review #13, by keyty Fool in the Rain

22nd February 2014:
Hello there! A very late requested review. Sorry for the delay.. but I'm here now!
I really like this. You have some solid writing and your pacing is spot on. I didn't feel too rushed or bored with any of the scenes, and you definitely left me wanting more! I also think you write Remus very well. And I like that instead of saying he's single because of his lycanthropy you attribute it to his love for Marianne. That's a nice little twist I haven't seen before. Overall I think the plot moves very well, and I don't think it's too information heavy! You're in the beginning stages so it's natural to have to fill the reader in on what's going on.
Anyway, I enjoyed this very much! Can't wait to read more :)

Author's Response: Hi, hi! Sorry for the late reply, work/the weekend took up all my time.

I'm glad this chapter isn't too information heavy because I wanted to lay the groundwork for Remus' actions in the future. I wanted his relationship with Marianne to mirror his relationship with Tonks with very subtle similarities ... so for instance, I made him love her from afar for 2 years but he never tries to date her because he feels guilty about his disease. I've made the parallels stronger as the story progresses, but again, it's good to know the pacing is normal and not too much to handle.

I always debate adding more to this chapter because it's the shortest one of the series, but I think I'll leave it as it is if you didn't feel rushed or bored. That's just what I wanted to hear!

Thanks for the review keyty, I appreciate it a lot!!


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Review #14, by PitchBlue Looks Like Rain

13th February 2014:
OMFG CHAOS WHAT IS THIS I CAN'T *bangs head against wall*

alright glad that's out of the way.

oh my god Carly, where to begin? this chapter has been such an emotional rollercoaster. First, the cute conversation between Marianne and her sisters (I didn't know she had two, time to reread some chapters!) about Star Wars (yes, Leia and Han should be together). Then creepy mcCreeper Rastaban appears with his evil plan and Marianne has to deal with it (my poor baby!). I really loved her last line, it's totally badass and fits with her Pureblood attitude that comes up every now and then.

And then Lily, you stubborn thing. It's just so like her to think she knows better than Sirius what James needs. I love that you refer to that trait of her every now and then, it really adds to her character. Also the reference to his birthday was amazing, and it really shows Lily's need to be the hero/caregiver (I mean, she's not always like that but you know what I'm trying to say, right?)

AERYN AND CORA OMG IT FINALLY HAPPENED. One of the things I love the most about this story is the evolution of Aeryn's character. It's sooo realisti c and well done! And it's intertwined with Peter's story as well, it all just fits perfectly. I also like how Aeryn is a fully developed female character without needing to be 'strong' or bold. I'd go on and ramble about it but my review might get too long then :P Just know that I reallly like her character.

I actually laughed out loud at some lines in Gemma's part (the 'noodle' thing omfg I'm dying of laughter!). But the rest of this part was so intense. I mean her vision becomes true and she gets ambuished and forced to drink the potion AND SHE ACTUALLY SEES THE HORCRUXES!! Omg where is this going how will it turn out??!

Hahaha I just realised I forgot to answer any of your questions xD But no worries, I'll answer them privately or something.

Amazing writing, Carly. But seriously you can't keep writing chapters like these and expect me to just get on with my life.

Author's Response: OMGITSYOUHECKYEAH.

I know, I know, I shouldn't have tortured you guys like that. But like I said in the chapter, I'm in the process of wrapping things up here ... so I thought, well if 2 out of the 3 plot lines are going to have roadblocks, why not just go for it and make it 4 out of 4? So yeah, a lot to handle, but there's a reason for it XD

Marianne's POV was the most challenging one for me. Originally I had her in a more forced marriage type situation, but since that's against HPFF rules, I went back and edited it to give her a choice in the matter. The change is actually going to play out pretty nicely in the long run so I'm excited to get her subplot going. And yes, she has two sisters - I wanted to highlight Nanette for a reason, but that initial plot isn't going to work out. So that's why you think she only has one ;)

As for Lily and James ... even though they are the golden couple, they had to have fought every once and awhile, right? Plus, as you mentioned, caring too much can become a fault rather than a virtue. They will eventually have a conversation (James' POV is the next chapter) and hash things out, but like I said, I wanted to show a Jily fight scene.

OMG YEAH, IT DID. Wow, this subplot has morphed so much, it's not even funny - and I mean that in a good way, because you helped a lot! So yeah, since this is Aeryn's last POV, I thought I should lay the groundwork for what happens in final group chapter (OMG IT'S GONNA BE SO GOOD).

I thought Gemma's POV was going to be the most difficult, because as you pointed out, she connects to canon by seeing the Horcruxes. Her original plot was supposed to bleed into the sequels, so I know all the dream events are happening rather quickly, but oh well. It's gotta happen! And funny you should bring up the noodle thing because that was actually a personal quote from when I was ... shall we say, "mentally impaired" XD

Don't worry, things are about to get better. This chapter was a necessary evil.

Thanks for your review love, you know your reviews mean the world to me ;)


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Review #15, by Pat. Looks Like Rain

11th February 2014:
Okay. So I wish you weren't finishing this story, it's my favorite Marauders era fic of all time. But I understand, you don't have the time to write another tale has detailed, riveting and all around awesome stories. I thank you for your dedication to us as readers. I have really enjoyed reading this series and I will reread until I know it back to front. It was so good, and your knowledge of 70's music surpassed mine, which is rare. Not to brag. I'm not that great as far as 70's music goes, just Marley and Zep and some other, random stuff. I'll stop rambling, sorry.

Favorite character. Gemma, why? She's so cool. She's just a free spirit and she does her own thing and doesn't give a f**k what people think. She's the type of girl I'd fall hopelessly in love with and watch them run away, because they can't be tamed.I hope to hell that she and Sirius make up, but I can't see that happening. Speaking of Sirius, he's also a bit of a favorite, he's the kind of guy I would love to hang out with. I suppose that's why I love this story, you make the characters so real, and sometimes they remind me of myself or my friends.

I guess, I just want some sort of resolution, which I guess we'll get, just a suggestion, maybe if you have the time you could do one shots every now and again just about what characters are up to when you finish this? Just a suggestion, you're the author, you do what you want man.

Another thing, I know long review, look at it as making up for me not reviewing as much as I should of have. I first read this chapter on FFnet. I enjoy how you wrote Marianne and Rabastan relationship in this version then it the FF. Also, not sure if I spelt Rabasatan right, and I think I wrote it wrong twice. EH.

In all, thank you very much for this story, I've been reading it since last March and you keep me hooked with your visceral, fascinating, REAL style of writing. You rock, oldnumberseven! Have a lovely week, month and life I suppose.

Author's Response: OMG THIS REVIEW IS AWESOME. SO AWESOME.

Hello again, Pat! Nice to hear from you! XD

Man, I really wish I could continue writing this story. Like, REALLY wish. But sadly, I don't think I'll have time to finish another series, because this fic was an accident. I say that because I've never actually finished a fic before and this is my third one (Bleh, you don't even want to read the first one, but the second one is decent, if I do say so myself). So I never planned for Wide Awake to be this long ... but these last couple chapters inspired the whole thing, so I raced through the first ones to get to this point now. Funny, considering it's a year later!

But I think the reason I've stuck with it is because this story is basically based on my life. Gemma is probably the closest character to my personality, but Marianne is also my logical/academic side and Aeryn is my weak side. The girls' interactions with the Marauders are also based on real people - for instance, Remus is based my high school boyfriend and Sirius and Peter are both based on my college ex. James and Lily? I have no idea where they come from but I'd like to think they are what my next relationship will be like!

So that's probably why you find them to be so realistic and relatable/like you and your friends. Now, that's not to say that I didn't add some extra dramatic elements to the story (i.e. Marianne having to choose her husband), but there are several scenes in this fic that are basically verbatim of what happened to me. Oh, and speaking of Marianne, I posted my original plan for this chapter on FF, but it did not pass validation here because a forced marriage is against the rules. So you're not going crazy - there are two different versions. I'm going to go back and edit the FF one to match this one any day now (as well as going back and fixing grammar mistakes), I've just been lazy ;)

I'm seriously considering your one shot idea, although I've been messing around with a collection of one-shots/pensive like epilogue to sort of fill in the gaps between the Marauders and Harry. Dunno tho, that part is still in the planning stages. The last chapter + the epilogue will definitely give you some resolution, because I think I wrapped up things pretty well in terms of the plot/where I eventually wanted to go with things.

So in conclusion, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for all your reviews - and I especially want to say thank you for recognizing my music taste! I heart the sounds that came out of the 60s/70s :D

You rock, Pat. You truly do!



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Review #16, by KailynBryn Looks Like Rain

10th February 2014:
Aw, I'm sad this story is coming to an end, but thanks for writing, you've been amazing! My favourite character? I love them all, except Aeryn. My favourite moment? Gemma's visions, and any James/Lily chapters. My least favourite moment is when Aeryn started having feelings for Cora. (Ew!) So ya, I like your idea with Marianne's possible betrothal.

Author's Response: Huzzah, a review!

Yeah, as I said in the chapter, I originally planned to have another large sequel to explore every character's life after Hogwarts, but I just don't think it's gonna happen. And I personally hate it when I find a really good fic and it's just left incomplete. I totally understand fan fiction is a side project for most (because that's the case for me) but I don't want to leave my readers hanging :D

Thanks for telling my your favorites! I have a feeling everyone is going to say they don't like Aeryn, but that's a bit intentional. She's based on me in a certain point in my life and I cringe every time I think about my ... shall we say 'submissive' behavior. But you're going to like the next couple chapters, because they touch on the future of Jily, Gemma's visions and Marianne's ultimate decision. Fun stuff!

Thanks for the review dear, I really appreciate your feedback!


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Review #17, by BookDinosaur Carry On

7th February 2014:
Hello again! It's BookDinosaur here with your requested review from the forums. Sorry for the slight delay. :)

I really enjoyed reading this chapter! I have to say, even though I haven't read up to this point yet, I could read through the whole chapter without much confusion at all, pretty much everything makes sense and I was really glad for that, so kudos to you there!

I think, even though we only have a short couple of paragraphs at the beginning, Lily's interaction and bantering with her friends was really natural and realistic. I love the banter that went on between her and Alice, I could tell straight away that they were really good friends and all their dialogue was perfect for that, so well done.

Hehe, of course James' first words in this chapter were about Quidditch and Quidditch strategies! I really love how you've characterised him here, he does seem really laidback and in love with Lily, I enjoyed reading the two of them together so much. You did a great job with showing their relationship and love for each other. :D

I think the argument between Snape and Lily was really well done. If I'd tried to write an argument between them, t would have turned out long, boring, preachy, and I'd have had to edit it all out. Thankfully, yours ended up nothing like that. You managed to get the you're awful and I hate you message across, give it enough length not to seem too short and not too long as to be boring and preachy, so well done and major kudos to you there. :D

I think the way that Snape tried to pin his lost friendship on James, it's so Snape-like of him and definitely something I can see him doing, that was a lovely touch.

All in all, this chapter was really lovely. I enjoyed reading it and I'm so glad I had the chance to! :D

Author's Response: Hello! Sorry for my late reply, I've been busy writing/editing!

I'm so happy you didn't feel lost during this chapter! I really wanted to request reviews for some of these later bits, but I know it's hard to ask someone to critique a chapter when they haven't read the entire fic ... but this one I thought was ok to request, because everyone knows/loves the story of James and Lily :D

Funny thing about Alice ... I accidentally named her Alice Cooper, thinking the name had a nice ring to it, and found out later that it sounded familiar because there's an American rockstar with the same name. I thought about making her goth and as a joke, but ended up not going with that plot piece ... so I made her a jokester instead. She's basically Lily's only good girl friend, so I wanted to make their relationship playful and fun!

And James, oh James. He talks about Quidditch because I wanted to make a smooth transition to the next chapter (the final Quidditch match of the season), but I also know he was a Quidditch fanatic, so I thought it added to his character. Similarly, I wanted to show how easy/fun their relationship is, simply because it ties into a fight in the next chapter >:)

That's supposed to be an evil smiley. Oh well.

The argument was probably the toughest part, so it makes me very happy you like it! It was kind of based on things I wish I could tell my ex-boyfriend, but I translated it to Lily's situation to make it more "canon". And yeah, Snape's a little bugger, so I knew he'd try and blame James somehow :D

Thanks so much for the review, it was extremely helpful!!


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Review #18, by stilldontknowhowtocallmyself Carry On

4th February 2014:
Hey hey,
again it's wonderfully thrilling and completes the book so well...i think you could have that published...well thank you so much for giving us your time and creativity to feed us with romance :)
big hugs

Author's Response: No, no, thank YOU for giving me your time. Wide Awake has always been my guilty pleasure/way to channel all my crazy emotions, so when someone leaves a review or favorites the story, I can't help but grin because it means that I'm not just wasting my time typing like a madwoman.

And I don't know about being published, but thank you for saying so XD

Big hugs back!


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Review #19, by MC_HK I Shot the Sheriff

4th February 2014:
Hello! Sorry this took so long!

Areas of Concern:
-My thoughts on the group's different POV is that I can see why you want to do it, but for me personally I didn't want it to be the first chapter I read. I like to have a chapter with one POV change maximum, usually. I can't really say specifically why it put me off, probably because I like consistency, though. It has absolutely nothing to do with your writing. Your writing is great. I think it's just with how many POV changes there are it kind of shakes me up.

-I love love love your Marauders! They are very realistic, and I love how realistic you make the other characters as well. That whole smoking scene totally seemed appropriate, considering what era it was, and I liked the way they interacted!

-It seems pretty smooth to me. I have no problem getting through it.

-I'm not seeing any punctuation or grammar mistakes, and I do think you've got a good start here that will hook your readers in!

The only thing I suggest is to limit your adverbs. You can keep some of them in there, but there are some that I didn't feel needed to be in there. For instance : "muttered meekly" meekly doesn't necessarily have to be in there. Muttered already implies that it's kind of soft and submissive. If it weren't he would have grumbled, or groaned. Those verbs already have a specific meaning attached to them, so putting in adverbs is kind of repetitive.

Hope this helped!

--Monica

Author's Response: No worries, you didn't take long at all!

Ok, this is review so helpful, you don't even know. I always wondered if the first chapter was too much - most people read it and say "Omg, love it" but no one has specifically said "I don't like it, it's too much".

I wanted to start the fic off with all 4 Marauders because I know I write them differently than most. I like to think they're all still canon, but for instance, I wanted to showcase Peter at the end to write the start of his betrayal. But I have been second guessing myself about starting everything off with a group one, mostly because it messes up the order of everything - the fic relies on having 4 individual chapters, followed by a group one and gender POV change. But it is also a lot of information to start off with, so thank you for saying there are too many POV changes. When I'm done writing this whole saga, I may go back and edit things, so this is going on my list.

I'm happy you like my Marauders! As I said, I know they are not exactly canon, but I still think they're fun and different. And omg, it has been so fun for me to research the 1970s to make the era feel right. So yay!

I definitely need to limit my adverbs, you are SO right. When I'm in the middle of editing chapters, I usually come across of "ly" words and think, hmmm, maybe should cut a few out. So it sounds like I should do the same of the first chapter as well XD

This helped so so so much, thanks again Monica!

Carly


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Review #20, by Sarah Carry On

3rd February 2014:
Great chapter once again! I'm looking forward to the next one at the Quidditch match with everyone's pov in it. This is just a short one this time as the think I most wanted to say was how Iove that you write back to all your reviews! Brilliant! That and you update it, so many on here I am interested in reading the have last been updated, say in, 2006? Disappointing!

But not you! :)

Author's Response: Well, isn't this nice - I log onto HPFF to take a break from work and have one super awesome review waiting for me!!

The next chapter is about ... 85% done. I've started writing the last section (Gemma's POV) and it's got a bit to go, but it will be out soon, I promise! Although, I will say that everyone is going to hate me after they read it. Muahahaha!

And yeah, I personally hate it when authors don't respond to reviews. If you've abandoned your story, then I understand, but if you're currently updating, you can at least take some time out of your day to respond to someone who's taken time out of their day to leave you a review. Reviews also help me figure out what exactly I'm trying to do with this story, because answering them usually brings out important information in my mind. Plus, haven't you always wanted to ask questions to the author of a novel and have them personally respond? That's why HPFF is the best, in my opinion XD

Thanks so much for the kind review!

Carly


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Review #21, by The Empress You're So Vain

30th January 2014:
Hi! I'm here with your second requested review :)

You asked about Sirius and my thoughts on his reactions in this chapter.

I obviously haven't read any chapters between the first and this one but I think I have a pretty good grasp on how you have characterized Sirius. You describe him as a playboy but in this chapter he doesn't seem that way at all. Now, putting that together with the character of Gemma and his relationship with her I can assume that he is reformed, or in the process of reforming.

In canon, Sirius is not necessarily a playboy but we can assume it's a definite possibility. JKR said that he considered himself too rebellious to ever get married. There are a couple different reasons he may have felt that way and I think you touched on at least one here. The idea that he doesn't want to marry well and please his family, or that he doesn't want to marry badly and put his wife through the possible dangers presented by his family. Dangers we know to be real and present, as demonstrated by Bellatrix and her hate for Nymphadora. You mention that when Sirius is talking to Gio and he voices his concern over a Black family member finding Gemma wandering about unprotected. So in that sense you keep very well in canon.

As for his separation anxiety, I have doubts. However, if you have, and I suspect you have, set his character up to react this way then it reads as quite plausible. From a canon point of view I have trouble believing that he would suffer from, as termed, 'separation anxiety'. His reaction could be, however, termed as extreme concern, relating to his fear concerning his family hurting Gemma. He does get a little pathetic, describing how Gemma is the only one who can give him the kind of love and attention he needs to soothe his separation anxiety. In my opinion, if Sirius were that needing of someone like Gemma, he would never have developed the playboy persona in the first place. Instead, he'd have been in many relationships where he was more invested than his partner was, not the other way round.
A more plausible explanation for his distress about Gemma disappearing and his apparent need for her/concern for her, would be that with Gemma, it is the first time he has worried so selflessly about a girl. We know he would die for his friends, they have had six plus years to prove to him that they are true, steady friends. Gemma is fairly new in his life. Would he have worried so completely over a girl that, as a playboy, he had really invested no heart in? No, of course not. He would bravely do what he could to save them if they were in any danger but he wouldn't freak out just because they took a weekend away from him and Hogwarts. The idea of a playboy Sirius and a Sirius suffering with this kind of anxiety are two very different characters, perhaps made more stark in my point of view because I have only read your initial characterization of him compared to this.

In an otherwise very strong chapter (yay!) this one piece of Sirius' characterization, I think, detracts from him as a whole and he comes off a bit annoying because of it. I loved the Sirius at the beginning of the chapter, hitting bludgers indiscriminately and goofing off at Quidditch practice. I'd love to see more of that Sirius, who makes me smile, rather than the Sirius who cannot function without his girlfriend.

~Shiloh

Author's Response: Omg omg omg, this is the longest review I've ever received and omg, it's brilliant. Seriously, where do I begin??

In this story, I'm writing 4 different romances going at the same time, so I'm trying to diversify each couple as much as I can. Now, there are some overlaps, sure, but for the most part, I want each relationship to stand on its own and prove its own point. That's one of the reasons why I decided to make Sirius a playboy - simply because no one else was. I actually really enjoy fics where he's much closer to canon, in the sense that he's not a playboy and a bit more reserved when it comes to girls, but I wanted to do something fresh with him.

But, that being said, I did want to show his transformation into his more "canon" self. I alluded to this in the disclaimer in the first chapter, but he doesn't start off as the person you'd expect him to be. He's extremely loyal to his mates, but I figured that if he ran away from his family, he had to have some scars. So that's why I decided to make him the playboy as well - because he chooses to take out his frustration and anger by having unattached flings with girls.

And therefore, I made him end up with a girl who very similar to him, but also very different. She has a problem with commitment, because she's so used to being on her own, and in her own way, she's very rebellious. She would never admit it, though. She just thinks being a wandering hippie bohemian is normal, even though most people don't smoke gillyweed and have psychic visions. But she's different from him because she didn't come from a prominent pureblood family. So, that's why I made him fall for her so hard. He's so used to having his outlet for his anger and frustration and she fits in that gap and makes it into something positive. Yes, he's so wimpy and needy in this chapter, but I hope that explains WHY he's that way - because he needs her to help him get through his grief, in a way that none of his mates can.

I tried to set it up so the reader sees this entire transformation, but I think I need to make it a bit more clear. In order to make everything equal, I've tried to make each chapter around the same length (to avoid making any favorites), and I know I was pushing the limit here with this chapter ... so I think in Sirius' next chapter, he's going to get a bit more introspective and figure all these things out. This is honestly the hardest ship to figure out for me (I mean, Lily and James are hard, simply because I want them to be canon as possible), so your review really helped me figure exactly where I want to go with him. That means SO much to me, you don't even know!!

Again, thank you so much for this beautiful, wonderful review,

Carly


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Review #22, by luciusobsessed The Logical Song

30th January 2014:
Wow let me start off by saying you are an amazing writer! I love how you went about this.

All the character's are very true to themselves. I love the OC's you've added in. Gemma's extreme happiness is a perfect way of masking her terror, I really like how that was implied. I also love Sirius's cool demeanor.

James and Lily were PERFECT. The way they can switch from relationship talk to serious talk and back to relationship talk, it was lovely. I also love the cigarette piece. I like how Lily, who is this seemingly perfect role model, makes herself vulnerable with that cigarette. It really says a lot. Her explanation about the Death Eaters was very interesting to read. It reminded me a lot of Hitler and the Nazis, which now that I think about, are similar in term of their goals. I don't know if that was what you were going for, but I love how you related it back to Muggles, and especially that last bit when James asked Lily how the story ends.

It was a wonderful chapter. You are a very talented writer and I look forward to reading more of your writing xoxo luciusobsessed

Author's Response: Wow, what a long, lovely review!

I guess I should start out by saying that Gemma's extreme happiness isn't directly connected to the attack mentioned in this chapter. It has to do with her individual subplot/magical abilities, so if you decided to go back and read the entire story, you'll understand what I'm referring to ;)

I'm so so happy you like my version of James and Lily, though - I was really nervous that I wasn't writing them right! I always envisioned them to be the perfect role model couple once they finally got together, but I wanted to take this chapter to explore their fears and worries about the future. They did join the Order, so I figured they had serious conversations every once and awhile. And on that note, yes, the references to Hitler and the Nazis are intentional. I was a Political Science major in college, so I couldn't help but throw a little world history in there, because come on, Voldy probably got some ideas from him and Mussolini :D

Thank you so much for taking my requested review, I truly appreciate it!!

Carly


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Review #23, by The Empress I Shot the Sheriff

27th January 2014:
Hi! I'm here with your requested review :)

First of all, I LOVE your chapter titles. They're brilliant.

Second, I really liked this first chapter. Everything was so true to the era, I felt like you have a good idea of what you want this story to look like. Your characterizations were great as well. I smiled at the antics of the four boys and I like how different they all are. I know it can be easy to lump them all together but you give them unique voices.

Remus as the mastermind! I like that. And that Peter is the only one with a steady relationship.

Very creative beginning to your story! I'm sure, considering how well developed this first chapter is, you are managing several points of view just fine!

~Shiloh

Author's Response: Oh awesome, that was quick!

I'm glad you like the titles! I'm such a music nerd so I couldn't resist digging into my oldies collection :D

I'm also really happy that you think it's true to the era! I know my interpretations of the Marauders are different than most but I wanted to exaggerate their personalities to make the story more interesting/dynamic. So I know people don't like Sirius as a playboy, but his sexual promiscuity ties into his canon details - after all, JK said he was too much of a rebel to ever get married! And Remus, omg I always saw him having this completely devious side ... I mean he WAS a Marauder after all. And yeah, I wanted to give Peter some life, because let's face it, most people skip over him.

I'm always nervous that I have too many things going on in my group chapters, so it's good to know things flow well :D

Thanks so so much for your review Shiloh!!

Carly



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Review #24, by Anon Carry On

19th January 2014:
Ugh I'm impatient I want chapter 31 now

Author's Response: I've got 1 out of the 4 POVs written, I'm working on it!

;)


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Review #25, by PitchBlue Carry On

19th January 2014:
Carlyyy! Sorry for not reviewing earlier, but I'm currently taking finals and part of my strategy is only logging in to hpff once a week xD On the plus side, I do believe it's working because last two finals went pretty okay. Anyway I'm rambling again, review time!

Can I say that I love how you made Lily make her own clothes? I love that detail about her, it's really great.

That little part about Sirius was really sad, omg i feel so bad for him. I mean he did cheat on his girlfriend but still, the poor bloke's miserable.

And then the Slugger party! I loved the conversation between Lily and Snape because it was so relatable and realistic (I mean, everyone's been betrayed by a friend at some point in their lives, right?). Lily's speech was AMAZING, seriously girl how do you do that! I really squee'd when she talked about James encouraging to be her best self, that was beautiful.

Anyway I can't believe it's been that long either, I didn't know your story yet in January but it still seems like I just discovered it since I'm even more enthusiastic about it, and at the same time it feels as if I've known this story since forever. Either way, thank you for writing it, you're brilliant!

Author's Response: Hello, love :D

No worries about the timing of the review, I understand, I was a college student once ;) I'm just glad you took the time to review it, because your input is very very important to me. You've shaped this story so much, you don't even know!! Well ok, maybe you do now since I told you, but seriously, you do!

Yeah, that little Lily detail happened on accident - I was describing all the girls' Winter Ball dresses and was like, well Lily's has to be super special, so naturally she would make it herself, blah blah blah. And then just ran with it because I loved it so much :D

As for Sirius ... well, he's about to get a lot more depressed. You'll see what I mean after you read the next chapter. It's a doozy.

Slugger party, haha that made me laugh. Never heard it called that before ;) Anywho, yeah, I realized I hadn't covered Severus or the Slug Club in a chapter yet so I felt I had to address all that plot stuff from JK ... As for the speech ... Remember how I said this story is like therapy for me? Well that speech is something I've been wanting to say to my ex-boyfriend for a very long time, so I just adapted it to Lily's situation and boom, relatable and realistic :D

You wouldn't have wanted to read it January, it was a mess - grammar mistakes, no sense of organization, HUGE paragraphs ... I've come a long way in a year, that's for sure :D

Hope all is well Laura and good luck with your studies!!


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