Wow - I know I said I was going to review this a while ago, seeing as you were the only entry in my challenge...but now I feel horrible for leaving it late. I hope I can make it up for it.
This piece was exactly what I wanted to see come out of this competition; it's an in-depth look at a performer in the wizarding world, and I think you did an awesome job with what you were given. I love how you took someone existing in the books - however cursory - and fleshed her into the piece rather than giving a major character a different hobby, or making an ooc - this just feels like it would belong in canon, and it seriously gives me shivers, being a singer myself - there was so much connection to the magical world, and the character and - I want to read more! I want to read about Celestina's other touring venues - I want to go on the road with her and her banshees!
Also - I loved the throwaway of the banshee singers. Those are some more 'creatures' only just mentioned in the world, but they would be singers, wouldn't they! It's just - no other word to describe it - perfect. This is what I was expecting in this challenge. Brava! Report Review
You have to play some sort of instrument, right?
There was so much feeling in this piece, so much connecting between Celestina and what she was doing. Her preparations were precise. Even after 100 shows that year It still feels like she's in love with being up there, doing the only thing she would want to.
This is a really beautifully written piece. The style is simple enough that I don't find myself having to dig through words to find what you're saying, but it also has a dreamy feeling to it. That doesn't make much sense, huh?
I didn't notice if this was for the 500 word challenge as well as the creativity is magic, but if it's not I really think you should consider extending it or writing something similar to it. I know there wasn't much to get across. You wanted us to feel and understand that what she's doing, what she does probably very near every night, is it's own kind of magic. And you got that across beautifully, but I just wanted more. I know, that's a weak complaint. Maybe because I enjoyed being inside the dream like sense of this piece...
I saw you on my forums page and clicked on you, and realized I didn't remember reading anything of yours before. Which is what led me here. To be honest, I chose this piece because of it's short size. It's just about midnight where I am, and I wanted a small read. But after reading this, I'm genuinely glad it's what I chose. I'm anxious to get back and read more of your work!
Jami Report Review
I'll be honest, I didn't even know you were writing again until I saw your status update on the forums. Someone who is as good at reviewing as you are should definitely post more stories.
This, I thought, was kind of adorable. It's short, yes, but it's also very sweet, though with a hint of melancholy on the part of Celestina. Her sense of fatigue really came through in the beginning, but I like how it seemed to fade the moment she stepped out onto the stage.
I thought the writing itself was also good. It definitely doesn't read like someone who hasn't done a lot of writing of late. I thought everything from "There was a discreet tap..." onward was particularly well done. The writing felt clean and tight. If you're looking for CC, the only thing I noticed were a few "unnecessary" words near the beginning. For example, I don't think you need both warm-up and exercises. Vocal warm-ups or vocal exercises would suffice. Same with "few moments of undisturbed peace to herself." A few moments of undisturbed peace, or a few minutes to herself would be enough to convey the meaning.
But those are just little nitpicks; I just couldn't find anything else to offer suggestions on. Overall, this was a super cute read. I hope you win the challenge ;)Author's Response: Thank you for the review!
I'm gratified that you remarked on Celestina's sense of fatigue and how it faded onstage. That is precisely what I was trying to convey, and it's always good to know it was obvious to a reader.
I actually find it quite interesting that you identified the discreet tap line as a dividing point. That was my first line, initially, and then I wrote on from there. However, I hadn't reached 500 words by the time I reached my intended last line (it just occurred to me that I often have a last line in mind when I write). I went and added stuff to the front, but I think to a discerning reader such as yourself, it's obvious that the tacked-on beginning is not quite in sync with the rest.
I see what you mean about repetitive wording, and I agree. I absolutely have a tendency to be excessively wordy. Even when I've edited a story quite a bit, which was definitely not the case here, I find myself tempted to add words rather than remove them.
I did win the challenge, but I was also the only one who finished their story. :P Report Review
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