Reading Reviews for Crossroads
  
41 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Irishseeker Punching Wicked Witches

12th August 2014:
Love it. Can't wait for more Jacob/Eden moments and we get to see more about their relationship!
Can't wait for the next chapter! x

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Review #2, by celia Punching Wicked Witches

13th November 2013:
James is starting to annoy me >.< but otherwise, great chapter!

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Review #3, by Ree Punching Wicked Witches

23rd September 2013:
AAH PLEASE UPDATE SOON! I'M obsessed with this!

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Review #4, by UnluckyStar57 Arrogant Exes

20th August 2013:
Reviewing time! :)

So, you asked me to comment on your OCs. That's exactly what I'll do! Here we go!!

Eden: She seems like a pretty cool character. A bit neurotic, with a flair for Potions (hopefully she's got a weak spot academically, because if she were good at everything, that would kind of defeat the purpose). She DEFINITELY doesn't like Becky, and Jacob is a problem for her. She's still harboring feelings for him (or maybe just his abs?). I'd really like to see her work through all of that stuff, because really, if he's a jerk, then why is he worth it?

Jade: As is the case for Eden and Jacob, so it is for Lucas and Jade. Jade is obviously head-over-heels for Lucas, and he can't even give her the time of day. I thought that the only-eating-apples thing was a little bit much--I mean, that would probably make her just as much of a fangirl as the random Slytherin fangirl is for James. As far as I can tell, guys don't really like it when girls stalk them, so maybe Jade could let a little of that fall by the wayside? I'd like to see some feminism, some "He doesn't like me, but he doesn't know what he's missing!" Jade doesn't believe in herself much, and I think it would be a fabulous thing if she could have some events in the storyline that will, over time, make her a stronger character and a stronger person. :)

Jacob: He's a jerk. That's all, really, except... Using Eden just to play with her emotions?! That's a very low blow. He's got to be lying. What is his home life like? Is Draco a good father? Does Scorpius exist? Does Jacob think that he has some womanizer legend to live up to? Because that is SO not the case... Draco only ever dated Pansy at Hogwarts, and she was definitely not worth writing legends about. So, what is Jacob's motivation? Is he heartbroken, suffering from a tough home life, or what? It would be cool to see his motivation for being a jerk as his character evolves!

Lucas: Okay, he definitely seems like the more rational twin of the two. I guess they balance each other out, but he's off his rocker in one aspect: Girlfriends. Why is he dating Becky? Is it her plastic implants? Did he lose a bet? Is he having a mid-teen crisis? And why won't he talk to Eden about his relationship? I know it's really none of her business, but you would think that he would update her a little bit... We'll just have to see, I guess!!

Ryan: Seems like a nonentity in this chapter. I'm sure he's got a story, but his main role here is to inform the others of Dom's swing at Becky. Why was he there to witness it? Did he just hear about it, or did he actually see it happen? Does he have a secret crush on anyone? Is he messed up in some psychological way? Mysterious guy, this one is! I'd like to see more of him later, unless he's just kind of the auxiliary friend--the one that floats out on the fringes, coming in with a witty comment occasionally and then fading into the background. You know, I don't really want him to be that guy--I feel like he needs an equal spot with the rest of them. But that's just my opinion. :p

Becky: What a two-face! She seems really rude and mean to Eden, but Lucas seems to believe that she's a saint! Which twin is right? Is it just a perception problem? Is Becky actually a super secret spy? How did she get to be Head Girl in the first place? How did she and Lucas start dating? Is it just because they're both Heads, so they decided, "Hey, why not get a snog out of it?" Interesting questions... But really, if Becky IS a two-face, it would be good to see some more evidence of that. And if she's just a straight-up meanie, it would be good to see her being mean to everyone, not just Eden. Maybe Lucas just puts up with her because he likes the way she kisses. I would like to see more development of her character in future chapters!

Only one point of confusion in the storyline, and that was this:

"I pulled out one of the books that mum had given me to read over the holidays, and began to read. I don’t usually read sappy books about teenage angst, but this one seemed really interesting. Eve had said and I quote, “That book changed my life! Before it, I had no idea men could walk on water, or turn water to wine.”, before someone had told her that the book she had read, which took her three years, yet she still did not finish it, was the bible."

So, was Eden actually reading the Bible, or was she just talking about her sister reading the Bible? I know that she pulled out a book, but then she went off on a tangent about the Bible, and I wasn't sure if that was the book she was reading or not. Maybe she was reading The Hunger Games or something. I would just like some clarification on that point, so maybe it would be good to reword it a little bit. But don't go crazy--it's really not a huge deal. :)

Well, that's all I've got for now. I hope I was helpful to you!

May your pen never run out of ink!

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #5, by ilovegeorgeweasly101 Introduction

18th August 2013:
I like this a lot! It's funny but it's also well written which is hard to find these days. I also like that edens got a large and divorced family because no one really does fics like that, like divorce never happens in the wizarding world which is not true at all. Her family is actually a lot like mine with the half siblings and four parents. It makes the story really relatable at least in the first chapter

10/10

Can't wait to read more!

Clea :)

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Review #6, by Ashley Lovegood Punching Wicked Witches

16th August 2013:
What in the wworld happened between Eden and Jacob? And it's so obvious that James is like hopelessly in love with her... Ugh! It's so good, I love it! Keep writing!

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Review #7, by Voldy Needs a Hug Introduction

12th August 2013:
Hello! It's Voldy Needs a Hug here with your (very late) review.

One of the main reasons that I enjoyed this chapter was the originality. This is not something you stumble across every day here on the archives, so I commend you for that.

Your characterization was excellent throughout this chapter. You did a wonderful job introducing each character and providing a short background without giving too much away. Eden's characterization was exemplary. Her character is well developed, realistic, and relatable.

I did, however, have a bit of trouble keeping all of her various siblings straight. It was slightly overwhelming to be introduced to seven brand-new characters in the first seven paragraphs. Readers might be more inclined to remember which character is which if they were introduced gradually throughout the chapter, instead of all at once.

Your flow, plot, and pace were all flawless as well. This chapter, however, was a bit on the longer side. Perhaps breaking it up into two or three smaller chapters would help to keep readers' attention.

Lastly, I noticed a few spelling/grammatical errors throughout the chapter. Have you considered getting a Beta reader? That would help to eliminate the minor mistakes I spotted.

Overall, this was a spectacular first chapter (one of the best I've read in awhile). You should definitely continue with this story.

Spectacular Job! 10/10

Author's Response: Hello!!

I don't mind that the review was late, better late than ever, right?

I am so so so glad to hear that you liked this chapter, I've been getting mixed reviews and feelings about this so I'm so glad you liked it! The big family is not something I expect people to get straight away, so I will make sure to introduce them better so people can tell the difference soon.

I know the chapter was long and I apologise, I will try to make chapters shorter in the future. The spelling errors have now been fixed (I HOPE) but if not, I will have a proper read through again and re-check. And I have also been meaning to get a beta but everytime I remember, I'm too busy.

Thank you so much for reviewing again! It means a lot!!


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Review #8, by UnluckyStar57 Introduction

11th August 2013:
Hi! I shall now review your story. :)

Wow... That's really a lot of kids!! I don't think that I can keep track of them all! D: But really, you did a very good job with giving them their own voices and letting them speak a little bit. The only bit of confusion that I ran into was when Eden greeted "her little brother" in the kitchen. Because the large family had only just been introduced, I was really unsure of who the "little brother" could be. It might help if you mentioned his name somewhere in the ensuing paragraphs, just for clarity's sake. :)

I was also a bit confused at first about Eden's relationship with James. They seem to have a good friend dynamic after a few paragraphs, but the awkwardness of their first "hello"s on the train is a bit misleading. It seems as though James has a huge crush on Eden, and either she doesn't realize it, or she knows and chooses to ignore it. Why did she ignore James' emails and phone calls over the holidays? Why is he so concerned for her? Is it because of Jacob Malfoy? I am very curious indeed!

Other than those points of confusion, I thought that the introductory chapter was very well-written. You gave us enough detail so that we could try to figure things out, but not so much that the story was already over before it had begun. Of course, this is a lengthy chapter, but that's mostly because you've got a lot of things going on that need initial explanations. Great job!

May your pen never run out of ink!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hello!

The huge family will be confusing at first (as expected) but I hope it becomes clearer soon because the family really is a big part of Eden's character. I think I did point out who the "little brother" was like a few sentences later where I said that "Noah looked up with his big blue eyes and grinned".

Eden and James' relationship does seem confusing now, but it's meant to ;) Who knows? It might even include this mysterious Jacob Malfoy that our lovely OC has knocked over.

I had so much to write in just one chapter. If I hadn't been tired when I wrote this, then I'm pretty sure it would have gone up to 10k words. Thank God it didn't, right?

Thank you so much for leaving a brilliant review! I'll be sure to re-review soon.


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Review #9, by MC_HK Introduction

11th August 2013:
I spy a few spelling and punctuation errors sprinkled throughout the chapter. I also noticed a tense issue. There's a part where you say describe Eden as a "guy", although I'm pretty sure you meant "girl."

I also think there is some inconsistencies with the story. I noticed that you said that Fred noticed that there was no resemblance between Ruby and Eden, and then right after he suddenly sees an uncanny resemblance. Also, I believe you state that Jade says that Ruby and Eden are step sisters, when they are really half sisters.

Other than that, this is a good chapter. I really like the inner dialogue the main character has with the reader. It makes for an amusing read. You've got a good flow going on, even though your OC seems a little ADD lol. That's fine though, nothing wrong with some wandering thoughts. All together, I think this is a very well done chapter.

MC_HK

Author's Response: Oh my.

I'm so glad you pointed out those mistakes because I re-read this chapter last night and even I was confused. I will re-read this in the morning and make the neccessary changes.

Otherwise, thank you so much for reading leaving a lovely review!!


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Review #10, by AlexFan Punching Wicked Witches

6th August 2013:
Dom only has four detentions and then that's it. She's blowing it out of proportion. I think Becky is just really insecure. I mean, Lucas dated Dom Weasley, Fleur was damn near perfect looking by being the granddaughter of a Veela, Dom would be gorgeous. I think she's afraid that Lucas migh dump her and go back to Dom and so she's trying to scare off Dom because she's insecure.

Of course, I could be overthinking and Becky is just really mean. I want to know where this relationship came from anyway, clearly everyone thinks it's out of the blue and no one knows why Lucas is dating Becky. Obviously something happened between them though to bring them together. I'm looking forward to finding out what it is. Lucas needs to sort out his priorities though, I can't believe he ditched his sister and his friends just for a girl. That's not right, if you have to give up everyone you care about for a girl then you probably shouldn't be with her.

I hope you go into more detail about Jacob dumping Eden. It doesn't sound like she responded to the humiliation. If I'd been in her situation, I would've stopped liking Jacob the minute he humiliated me. Until I find out what really happened, I'm just going to imagine that Eden yelled at Jacob, "Thank God you finally dumped me! I was getting tired of dating you out of pity anyway," and the made some comment about how he was a bad snog and strutted out of the room with sass.

And I'm sorry if there are typos and parts of this don't make sense, touch screens do that to me.

Author's Response: I really do look forward to your reviews!

I think Dominique's just taken aback by the fact that she has a detention. I mean, a veela like her is probably used to getting her way. So maybe she's just angry that her charm didn't work and instead, she's in trouble for defending herself from someone who she thought her friends hated - that is, up until Lucas comes out of nowhere and starts dating her.

But you never know, maybe Becky's the victim and she is just insecure, like you said ;) and don't worry the whole Lucas and Becky situation is confusing right now (good!) but I plan to reveal answers in every chapter.

And Eden and Jacob?

All we know is that they broke up in the great hall and it was pretty public. I haven't said why yet or what caused it. But it was probably pretty big if James is curious that the ex has come searching for her. Maybe he's looking out for her? Or something else. You never know.

*whistles innocently*

And I apologise if there are typos in this as I'm using touchscreen as well so I know how it feels as I've had to go back so many times because of autocorrect.

Thank you for reviewing! I hope to see more of your reviews soon!


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Review #11, by Ophelia Punching Wicked Witches

30th July 2013:
whoopp thank you for updating so quickly i love you and Jacob. not sure why Jacob was looking for Eden and why did James get so MAD? is he jealous? anyway, I loved this chapter!

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Review #12, by hai Punching Wicked Witches

29th July 2013:
update pleeasse
it was really good and you sort of left us on a cliffie :) please update

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Review #13, by Resha Arrogant Exes

26th May 2013:
I did notice one or two mistakes, but none that can't be easily fixed! Otherwise, this is a very good story. You've managed to make me hooked on the second chapter, please update soon!

Resha x

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Review #14, by Chivalrous Arrogant Exes

24th May 2013:
Okay so I'm in love with James... I ship him and Eden definitely!! I have no idea why Dom would punch Becky... Except for the fact Becky is a BITCH! On another note, I'm not positive what happened between Jacob and Eden, but I'm pretty sure Jacob broke it off between the two of them...
Brilliant chapter!! :)

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Review #15, by Hermeowne Arrogant Exes

19th May 2013:
I think that Jacob maybe cheated on Eden, which is why she was in a pissy mood when she ran into him. Am I along the right lines? ;]

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Review #16, by Haley Arrogant Exes

14th May 2013:
Haha love this story! especially Dom's character

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Review #17, by Hayley Arrogant Exes

7th May 2013:
This is so interesting! James is soo cute!!!

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Review #18, by Ophelia Arrogant Exes

30th April 2013:
Is it wrong that I'm in love with Jacob's arrogance? Guess it's something to do with bad boys i guess. Loving this story so far! Please continue!

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Review #19, by carellio Arrogant Exes

24th April 2013:
I really like this story so far! I can't wait to see what happens and learn more about each of the characters!! :)

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Review #20, by WatchPhoenix1623 Arrogant Exes

20th April 2013:
I love your portrayal of James..it's a refreshing change from the norm! Keep up the excellent work! I can't wait for the next chapterrr!:)

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Review #21, by AlexFan Arrogant Exes

20th April 2013:
Wow, Eden is sure one for dramatics, there's no need to yell! If Becky is the female version of Voldemort then you could call her Voldamort or Voldemorta (my best friend and I kept coming up with the female versions of names).

I'm proud of Dom, she may have overreacted but hey, she punched Becky so it's all good. Just a few grammar errors but other than that I enjoyed reading this!

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Review #22, by rupert_lover Arrogant Exes

20th April 2013:
This story is great!! I honestly love James and I hope he and Eden end up together, cause I think they'd be really cute!!
I liked Lucas in the first chapter but I'm starting to dislike him, because of Becky.
But awesome story! Heres hoping for a quick update!!

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Review #23, by gryffindorlion15 Introduction

14th April 2013:
lovelovelove it! Eden and James' friendship is so cute! Love it!

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Review #24, by Lillyloolah Introduction

27th March 2013:
OMG. That was good. More, please?
Wait that would sound wrong out of context.
Anyway...
I think Eden needs a bit more character. Something about her. Like really blunt. Or realy honest. Or really clever. Just something.
Yes, it was bery very good. Can't wait for the next chapter!
Lillyloolah x

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Review #25, by Draco's Wife Introduction

26th March 2013:
Please please continue!

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