This one-shot is gorgeous; the words are so beautiful.
By being simplistic and concise, with the help of the ever-rare second-person voice, you weave some essential network throughout the entire piece - ever-connected, every thread as essential. The thoughts and the notions subtly peel away the skin and give a glimpse of the deep mysteries of the wonderful Severus Snape.
And with a glimpse, you show everything that needs to be shown. A glimpse of his past, of his home, of the budding love he will grow later on... It's astounding!
One of my (many) favourite quotes from here: "but you were already fighting a war that you could never win. Trying to stay sane in a world that wanted to take away everything that kept you together."
And for some strange reason, this one really gets to me as well, regarding Petunia: "the one whose smile was never as bright, whose words were never said quite so sweet."
While that says a lot about how bedazzled Severus is with darling Lily, it says just as much about Petunia, whom I always regarded as a tragic character. Her dullness, her too 'ordinariness', which I think Petunia knows about herself too well, which she silently despises, but embraces with no choice.
~ spreaddapooAuthor's Response: Hi there! I'm so happy you liked this one shot!
Severus is an extremely hard character for me to sympathize with. I think JKR crafted him amazingly and I love the fact that he was such a grey character throughout, but the things he did in his adult life really make it a challenge for me to like him. So by choosing a to write about a time when he was still young and naive in such a terrible world made him so much easier for me to paint a sympathetic picture toward.
Your comments are so, so sweet. I can't tell you how much it means that you took the time to leave such a lovely, thought out review.
Thank you again ♥ Jami Report Review
I must confess I just love Snape. My friends once even tried setting me up with a guy because he looked like young Snape, haha. Needless to say, reality just doesn't cut it and the date was a disaster!
I find Snape and Lily's friendship to be really intriguing and open for much speculation. That said, this was a wonderful interpretation. I always thought that Snape was so entranced by Lily because she was very different from him and that he held onto his love for her all those years because he could think of nothing more pure and good to serve as a beacon. And here, you add a wonderful new dimension! Lily as the first woman (well, girl) he meets that shows the courage he found to be so lacking in his mother is a strangely touching and realistic idea. It makes sense that he would transfer his love from his motehr to Lily under such circumstances. Wonderful twist, really!
Although I liked the style and the structure of this one-shot, the first part, in my opinion, could use a little bit of work. While there really is no other way to describe the terror of a towering, tyrannical father figure, I found that the descriptions got a bit carried away and self-indulgent at times. For example this : "Still years away from being old enough to possess your own wand… but you were already fighting a war that you could never win. Trying to stay sane in a world that wanted to take away everything that kept you together." It's only my opinion, but it seemed very general and a tad over the top. Maybe a few more details of what characterized the father could balance out this sentence. Later your mention the passed-down shirt. Maybe some more such details could make the first part come to life :)
Well, this was wonderful and I enjoyed it! Cheers!Author's Response: HI darling! Hahah well at least your friend tried, right?
Honestly, I'm not a Snape person. But the friend I wrote this for IS, so I tried my best :P
I'm so happy you liked how I have their friendship forming here. It made sense to me, with the way Snape feels about Lily, that he would have almost put an unhealthy sort of attachment on her. She was everything he never had. Strength. Dependability. And like you said, he transferred the love to his mother, who was starting to feel unworthy for it because she wasn't protecting him like a mother should, to Lily.
I do think this piece could use a bit of work. When I get in one of those dark twisty moods (the only ones suited for writing this kind of thing, of course), I'll absolutely keep your comments in mind and try to rework a few things and edit up a bit. I think the second section could use a bit more substance, as well.
Thank you so much for your review ♥ Report Review
Happy Valentine Review A-Thon!
Now you didn't think I was going to let you get away, right? Especially since you have so many stories I haven't read yet and they're just poking me and screaming my name!
This was so sweet, though I feel so bad for poor little Severus. Just goes to show that the people we become are in part because of our parents and just part our choices. I can understand so much from this story, be it as short as it is, about what made Severus want to join the Dark Lord. The power that came with that, he could make sure, even if it was by very twisted means, that those he cared about could never be hurt.
As for him and Lily, I was recently watching the first movie and there was the scene with the sorting, Harry looks at Severus and his whole face changes when he lays eyes on Harry. Something about that just broke my heart, looking into the face of the man that tormented your youth only to have the eyes of the girl you love look back at you. And they wonder why he was moody all the time?
Anyway, this was really sweet and heartwarming and enlightening in the ways of Severus Snape! You'll be seeing me lurking around your Author Page in the next days as well! :)Author's Response: Hi darling!!!
I don't want to get away!! I don't I don't! hehe.
If you felt bad for Severus, that means I did something right ;). It was really hard to write about a character that I have such a hard time connecting with, so I'm so happy you enjoyed it ♥
Hahah he did have quite a bit to be moody about, didn't he? haha. Aww poor Sevvvyy. I do feel bad for his character... as long as it isn't in a Snape/Lily story. Because then I just want to bite his head off and tell him to get away from James's future wife :P.
You all your amazing reviews ♥ Thank you so much Ral, you seriously make my smile like a crazy person. My face hurts by the time i finish reading your reviews!!
I loved this! The child Severus perspective was perfect and the beginning just drew me in. I loved your descriptive language throughout. I just wished it hadn't ended so soon! :DAuthor's Response: Hi m'dear, I'm so happy you liked this!!
Jami ♥ Report Review
Hellooo... long time no see, eh? And you've written all this stuff I haven't read.
So, you've done second person differently to how most authors try (and usually fail) at it - it feels like you're talking to Snape here, rather than trying to make us become the character, and it feels so much more personal this way. I don't know if I made sense at all, but what I'm trying to say is you've done this whole second person thing pretty damn well.
As for characters - Eileen is exactly how I'd imagine her, pretty much. It would be incredibly difficult for someone in her position to leave Tobias, DV or no DV, because she's sacrificed so much for his ungrateful sake - but, of course, Snape doesn't know that.
Eileen and Lily also have a lot in common for Snape - magic, light, and either perceived weakness or innocence respectively. I'm not trying to imply an Oedipus complex or anything, but it's easy to see why he'd be drawn to Lily.
I'd actually really like to see you write a fully Eileen-centric fic; I think the part with her and Snape's interaction and his assessment of her was definitely stronger than Snape's and Lily's meeting, but maybe that's because Eileen's character is far more complex and interesting than child!Lily's. I don't know.
Anyway. I'm sure academica loved this, so well done. :DAuthor's Response: Hi m'dear! I'm sure you know how hard it was for me to write a positive fic about Severus, so I'm really happy you think it turned out well ♥
That's exactly what I felt like while writing this. This big up in the sky thing talking down to Snape. Yay that you liked it!!
I wish I could say that the stronger first half had to do with more complexities on Eileen's part.. and we should probably just pretend that's the case. But honestly, I just couldn't keep it up for long. It was so hard for me to give Snape and Lily that light kind of interaction, and I had planned to take it much farther, but I'm just not a strong enough writer yet to keep my own personal biases out of Snape's head. Speaking of Snape's head, I think Athene Goodstrength's one shot for your challenge, Creep, is published. She sent it over a few nights ago for me to read, and let me tell you.. you're going to be in heaven with it.
Anyway, you know how much I love your review ♥ I hope you had a wonderful birthday, m'dear! And publish something new for me to read, will ya?! ;)
So... this was awesome. Seriously. I think the style you've written in completely suits the piece and makes it so much more personal then first or third person. Also the evolution of Severus that you show is just great, I loved seeing how his attitude towards his family life changed but at heart he was still afraid of his father, who was an omnipresent force in the story without even introducing him - good job as it made him a lot scarier.
The introduction of Lily was really cute and sweet and really showed her as the light of his life from the very beginning. I also liked how he reached the conclusion that his mother was inferior to Lily in a way, which is interesting considering she is supposed to have a protective role. There are a lot of interesting questions raised by the themes in this. It's definitely interesting to see someone who feels let down by their 'protector' of sorts rather than being close to them.
In short I loved this, I think you captured the essence of Snape and Lily perfectly! :)Author's Response: Hi darling! I have no excuses for why this took so long to respond to :(. I'm so sorry!
I'm so happy you liked this ♥ it was absolutely a challenge to write, and thank you so much for nominating it for SotM!! ♥
I really enjoyed the challenge of writing Severus. I'm not sure I'll ever do it again, but I'm also not saying I wouldn't ;).
Thanks again for this awesome review, and I hope you don't take my terrible amount of time that it took to respond to it as any lack of appreciation. I've been staring at it in my unanswered reviews, and just wanting to leave it there forever.
Thanks again ♥
Jami Report Review
Aw, this was such a sad story, yet I liked its hopeful ending. I think you portrayed young Severus really well, the poor thing. I loved the concept of the 'sorry and fixing things', so very touching! The whole scenario at his home was well-written too, and I liked how you wrote the interactions between him and his mother. The whole piece was very sad and heartbreaking, but the ending part was really sweet. I liked how Severus instantly felt this hope from Lily, and could feel he could trust her.
The over all story was very nice and made for a great read. The pace, flow, characterisation, grammar, and emotional intensity - everything was perfect!
(AditiDraco95)Author's Response: Hi m'dear! I'm so happy that you think I portrayed Severus well, it definitely wasn't easy.
I'm a die hard James/Lily shipper, but the girl I wrote this for loves Snape/Lily so much.. so I figured writing a little one shot that had to do with how they became friends would be a good choice :)
I always worry about my pace and flow, so I'm really happy that they both felt adequate in this.
Thank you so much for the wonderful review ♥ Report Review
Here for the review tag! I like nabbing these chances to read more of your work, and seeing a Snape story was impossible to resist. I'm only sorry that the banner doesn't suit the story quite as well as it should (if you want me to redo, just say).
You write an excellent Snape! He's a challenging character to grasp because he's multifaceted, but it's also easy to oversimplify his character. Your portrayal of his childhood and youth is nothing short of amazing, and I enjoyed the exploration of his relationship with his mother. I've never seen it done in this way before, and it struck me as a very realistic snapshot of a woman caught up in an abusive relationship. She tries to console her son and show him love, but just like Snape himself noted, she never tries to save herself - she just apologizes over and over. It's painful because there probably is no way for her to escape - either she can't see a life outside her own, or something else keeps her chained to Tobias. What stood out most to me was the kind of role you gave Snape as a protector rather than the boy in Snape's memories who cowers in the corner. He becomes a very strong character because of the circumstances of his home life, but it also makes him feel more hate than any child should feel. You provide the roots of the character that we see in the series, revealing how he became so conflicted, a true "grey" character navigating that troubled balance between love and hate.
I couldn't even tell that it was outside of your comfort zone until you mentioned it at the end - only then did I go back and see how the second part lacked confidence. It's very good, but as one of your previous reviewers said, it does feel a little rushed - or perhaps not as in-depth is the more accurate way of putting it. I was very much drawn in by the depth and style of the first part, so the second part, while sweet and pretty on its own, doesn't feel like enough to balance the heaviness of the first section. But perhaps that was what you'd intended, setting off the darkness of the Snape's home life with Lily's light innocence. I like how absolutely confused Snape is when confronted with Lily - she's so trusting and kind, and it's painful to see how alien those things are to Snape. You allow him to become more than the creepy boy who watches Lily from afar - he's swept up in her kindness and it's easy to see how he became enchanted with her because, for the first time, someone is treating him like a human being.
What I would like to see is more umph in the ending. That's not a particularly technical term, but what I mean is that it needs more of an emotional punch. For Snape to start trusting someone is hugely important, and even if you don't want to allude to the breaking of that trust later in their lives, there still should be at least one more sentence that emphasizes the significance of that moment.
Wow, this review has become longer than I intended. Needless to say, I'm very glad that I was able to read this story. You did a wonderful job with the characters! ^_^Author's Response: Hi!! Thank you again so much for picking up both review tags ♥
And! I LOVE my banner! It's not going anywhere and is exactly what I had in mind when requesting.
Snape was easily the scariest person I've had to write so far. Or chose to, I suppose, since I don't have to write anyone :P.
I really wanted to carry this story through four stages of apology. But when I got into the section with him and Lily then tried to continue onto Hogwarts days, I just couldn't keep my own opinions of Severus out of it. The most important thing for me was to portray him in a way that I thought would do the Severus that Amanda loves justice. And I'm just not good enough yet to separate my own biases from a character... he ended up getting that bitter taste no matter what I tried. Hopefully when I improve on showing a charter in their own light and leaving out my biases, I can come back to this and finish it the way I wanted it to play out. I'm not happy with the ending feeling rushed either... especially when I know what the full story could have read like, but I'll get back to it someday soon hopefully!
Hahah I think umph is the perfect technical term for what the ending could use! I do hope I'll be able to give his a proper one soon...
I'm so happy that his childhood home life felt realistic to you. The only way I can see a man craving the kind of power, being able to shut off his own emotions when needed so accurately, was if he was taught to do that very, very young. And, as sad as it is, needing to have the power to control his own emotions, the strength to shut off what he was feeling and care for his mom, felt like something that could only be built on a very abusive upbringing.
Showing what brought him into that grey area, how he can truly love lily but treat her son with such cruelty, was very important to me. Because we know he wasn't always the nicest man. He made young children scared to make a mistake, but if he was taught to be terrified to make a mistake, then it wouldn't seem so wrong to pass that on, would it? I get, for the first time, just why people do love writing him so much. There's so many faces to him, and even if I can't do him justice in his later years, at least now I am interested in reading stories that can :P.
Phew! Now this response has gone on much longer than I meant it to! haha! thank you so much for this amazing review, and hopefully I'll eventually give it a proper ending. You know how much I love your writing, so you enjoying something of mine is such an incredible compliment ♥
I'm finally here to review this wonderful story you wrote for me! ♥ I'm sorry that work and illness kept me from it, and I just want to say again how sweet it is that you thought of me over the holidays :)
Okay, first off, I love the idea of pseudo-happy Severus and Eileen. I know I didn't exactly write them that way in The Fairest, but they're really my head canon. I want to believe that Eileen was somehow part of Severus's little happiness in life, in that she loved him because his father wouldn't, especially once she found out he could do magic. I love the imagery in that first section, especially how you described her as "spilling promises" over him. It speaks of a careless desperation that seems to characterize and sum up that whole section in such beautiful, simple speech.
The complexity you've woven into this short piece is astounding! I love the parallels between Eileen's "pretend" sort of magic, with giving Severus his own room, and the knowledge that one day he'll acquire true, rather fearsome magical abilities. I love how I instantly thought of him trying to face the Marauders and joining Voldemort in his attempt to gather more power in that section with his father. I really liked the obvious parallels between Eileen and Lily, too--him wanting to protect her, him wanting them to be together despite the odds. Do I sense a hint of anger there for Lily's unwillingness to be with him as they grew older?
reeked of the stale poison he consumed by the gallons -- ugh, gorgeous. it's perfect.
I love the moment you described between Severus and Lily, because it's innocent and friendly and doesn't need to be anything more. For me, that simplicity is part of the beauty of the ship. I love how he's drawn to her despite his better judgment--I can already see a fledgling scientist in this piece, deducing from evidence and making notes! I also love the irony of his father not liking "mess," since that seems to be all that he creates.
This was lovely, Jami. Honestly, I couldn't come up with a single critique! I just want to offer my congratulations to you on taking this challenge and really giving it your best shot. It can be so hard to step outside your familiar box, and having done it before, I can look back and say that it marked the beginning of a progression in my own work. I hope you enjoyed it (at least a little!) and that you see similar results and benefits as you continue writing.
What a wonderful gift! Thank you again, lovely!
♥ AmandaAuthor's Response: I'm so happy you liked this ♥
I enjoyed writing it so . I think the fact that it was super terrifying to start on this character I have such a hard time figuring out made for half the enjoyment. And despite how complety Jily us James Lily shippers are... that doesn't take away the fact that Severus and Lily absolutely without a doubt did have a very special friendship at one point. It may not have been entirely healthy between both of them wanting something the other couldn't give.. but it was still a rare kind of bond.
Taking pre-Hogwarts Lily.. when she wasn't a talented, popular witch, before she met James and the other Marauders, and putting her next to pre-death eater Severus was so much more fun than I thought it would be because it did make sense! Lily was just a sweet, innocent girl who wanted to do he best to make people happy. Severus was a little boy who'd been through too much, who'd seen more than he ever should have to, who needed more than anything to find something to believe in. When I took away all my James biases and thought about them just like that, it really made me understand why you Snily people love them so much. Not that I'm jumping ship or anything.. :P but at least I get it now, haha.
I'm so happy you liked this and I hope it does at least a little bit to show you how grateful I am that you've not only helped me improve in writing, but helped me get this certain confidence in my writing I've never had before.
So, not only did i get to thank an awesome friend for being so great, but I got to step further outside my box! This is looking like it was pretty much a win win for me ;)
Feel better soon, Amanda!
♥ Report Review
So! I had to come read this! And I'm ignoring the fact that I need to sit down and plan chapter 6 of HPo4.This sounds like a better thing to do though!
I can tell that you're out of your comfort due to one thing...it felt rushed. Like you couldn't wait for the story to wrap up. The beginning had a great pace but when you introduced Lily, that's the part it felt rushed. Then again, I'm used to seeing 7K-10K words per chapters when it comes to your stories. So yeaaah!! XD
I really like the contrast Severus sees between Lily saying sorry and Eileen's constant apology. When it comes to Snape/Lily...I never ship them...however, I understand that Severus comes from an abused household and always saw Lily as his safe haven and I think he fell in love with the idea of being safe with her.
So I really like that you brought that into the story. I felt truly bad for Sev at the beginning. And the anger he feels towards Eileen is also so real but the hatred he has for Tobias is what I really liked to read. How he, despite being angry with his mother, still tried to defend her. He might have failed but he still tried. He even acknowledged that when he's older he might be able to take on his father without an issue. You actually managed to capture a true moment in an abused child's moment.
Overall this was a beautiful piece! I really liked reading it! How did it feel being away from your comfort zone?
Until next time, Jami!
P.S. And now I have a plot bunny thanks to you! A one-shot of him actually going after his father before severing all ties with him. Hmm...decisions...decisions...
You're evil!! :OAuthor's Response: Being out of my confront zone was TERRIFYING. SO FREAKING SCARY. Seriously. This was originally planned as a four part round about sort of story. Part 1 - Severus watches his mother apologizes over and over, but she never fixes it. He doesn't understand why and it crushes him as well as makes him angry. Part 2 -- Lily apologizes and *fixes it* giving him something to believe in, something to understand that you can always fix it. Part 3 -- Severus calls Lily a mudblood and apologizes. For the first time he understands you can't always fixes it, and wonders if this is how his mother felt. Helpless to change something so terrible... and that brings out a much angrier side of him. Part 4 -- Severus, freshly graduated, apologizes to his father that he doesn't have an antidote to the fatal potion he just gave him. He's fixing the fact that his mother could never get away, and delivers one final, very cold apology to his father. Phew. Hahah.
Anyway, that was the first plan. But I learned that I just can't write adult Severus without my own biased. I can't write his feelings for Lily past childhood the way a Snape Lily fan thinks of them... and since this was for Amanda I wanted to make sure that my -no snape and lily- biased self didn't include any of those feelings in it. Which was pretty impossible for me as soon as he reached Hogawartsish age :P
But I was absolutely out of my comfort zone, hahah. I sort of wish I would have made it longer... but I felt like short and sweet (except not so sweet) was my best bet at not messing it up :P.
I'm so happy that you liked this piece. I really wanted to bring out that sympathy for Severus, and I'm sure you can imagine how difficult that was for me :P
This review was such a nice surprise! And Sorry I've attacked you with plunnies! mwahahhaa ♥ Report Review
Oh I can bet that Amanda loved this oneshot as I really did! This was so amazing and beautiful and I just loved the whole idea behind it. It was wonderful seeing their friendship coming from something different, his fathers dislike for anything messy. I thought that it really added to your story and the plot line behind this story was also very interesting. I love how he begins to trust Lily just in the fact that she had said sorry and was really trying to fix it where as his mom would say sorry and that she would fix it but yet the problem seemed to remain. The description and flow of this oneshot was also very well done and I can already tell you that this oneshot will be amoung my favorites because it was just that good and original (at least to me though I dont read much snily either). If you couldn't tell already I very much enjoyed this piece and I'm glad to have read it! Great Job!
~Slytherinchica08~Author's Response: Hi m'dear! Thank you so much for this lovely review!
It was really hard to write a character that I'm not as fond of as most... and especially putting him and Lily in such an innocent place in their lives. But I was actually pretty happy with the end result, so I'm really glad that you enjoyed reading it ♥
Thanks again for stopping by! :)
When I saw on HPFF that you had written a Severus/Lily, you knw I had to come over and see what this is about, seeing as this is my main ship :)
Second person, ambitious! I usually shy away from second person stories, but because you wrote it, I'm all for it. Let's do this!
Ok I've read it and of course my first reaction was Aw!! Love!!
Ok, so your second person here didn't put me off at all! I think it was very well done. I think that your portrayal of Snape's home life was probably very realistic to what he might have encountered. And the promises that Eileen made sound very similar to someone who is being abused. The whole...it will get better, he loves me, he won't do this forever, things will be ok, that same sick kind of train of thought is unfortunately the thing that makes people staying abused stay around. But I think it also nicely sets the scene for the man that Severus turned out to be. It was just very well executed. Even though it was horribly sad, it was real.
Then there's the scene with Lily, How adorable is that girl?! The way that Snape comes to trust her, what he sees in her that sets her apart from everything else he's ever known in his life. It's so innocent. I love your descriptions of her, almost as if her very presence is too shocking and...almost...completely too bright for him. Not bad but just different from the drab, dreary, frightening life that he normally lead.
And again, as with all Snape/Lily stories, it just makes me sad, because I know what good friends they end up becoming, and how horribly it ends, and how his life is in crumbled disrepair around her memory. It's just so bittersweet and sad, as all of their stories are. Of course, that's how you know that you've got a really good one :)
Absolutely magnificent job, I really loved your characterization and descriptions, and it's just another brilliant work from you!!Author's Response: ASHLEY. I DID NOT WRITE A SEVERUS LILY. I WROTE A SEVERUS THAT INVOLVES LILY. THEY ARE DIFFERENT. Hahahah, just kidding.
I'm so happy you liked the second person! I'm kind of getting on a kick with that lately..
I think it's pretty easy to imagine that Severus must've come from an abusive household to end up the way he did. Craving power, control, bordering on obsession with the things he does love.. I'm so happy you think it's easy to connect this child to the man he becomes because... well, you know. Severus is terrifying to write. I knew I wouldn't be able to do adult him justice, so I'm happy that child Severus seems believable.
I'm so happy you picked up on the description of Lily! That's exactly what I wanted... her to be almost too much. Too much smiles, too bright of hair, too big and kind of eyes. Something he's not used to and I could hug you for picking up on that.
I'm so happy you liked this m'dear ♥ and thank you so much for the surprise review! Report Review
Ugh, this is just...love. I'm a hardcore Jily shipper, but Sev/Lily is something that I've always loved just because it is so pure, and so beautifully tragic that it constantly tugs at my heartstrings. And this story really wasn't any different.
I love the take you took on Severus. It's not often we read of stories of him as a young child, before Hogwarts even, and to get a peek into his unexplored childhood and home life is something that fascinates me. I love how you compared Lily helping him as opposed to his mother's promises that she never followed through on - it gives us a good background on why Sev would have even begun to open himself up to her in the first place.
Your writing style is lovely, as well. I really enjoyed reading this and it kept my attention the entire time, which is brilliant because my mind tends to wander often XD
Really well done, I'll definitely be reading more of your work :)
xx MollyAuthor's Response: Hi darling! I'm with you on the hardcore James and Lily shipping. I don't think I could ever actually write Snape and Lily in anything more than a friendship. But right now, they're both so young and, like you said, have just a very pure friendship that I did actually enjoy exploring. To my own surprise :P.
That's exactly what I wanted to do - give a reason that Severus would actually open up. I just mentioned this in another review response, but I always wondered how Severus came to sort of latch onto Lily. She's socially accepted, from a muggle born family, and just really the things he seems to dislike. So I wanted to find some reason that his trust and loyalty to her, at least for a time, would be there.
I'm so happy you enjoyed the writing style! My mind can wander fairly easy too, so it's definitely a huge compliment that this kept your attention!
Thanks again for the awesome review :)!
Jami Report Review
Hello there! I'm here from the Review Tag :)
This is such a lovely piece of writing. Your use of second person POV was very smooth and did not impede my reading of the story at all - which is great as second person can sometimes get a little jarring. Your narrative flowed beautifully from start to finish.
I love how you wrote Snape's emotional development, from a naive brittle child to someone darker and more bitter. And I also appreciate the contrasts between Snape's views of his mother as a weak-willed woman who can't escape the continuous abuse by her husband, and of Lily as a bright-eyed, cheerful and free-spirited girl.
And I love how Lily offers to get her mum to wash Snape's jumper for him. That was such a nice touch, and a lovely bit of detail, and I'm so glad Snape chose to follow her :)
I think this is a beautiful piece of writing you have here; it's a simple but emotionally nuanced story, and y ou've really painted a convincing picture of Snape's childhood. Great work, I really enjoyed this :)
-tehAuthor's Response: Hi m'dear! I'm so happy you liked the second person PoV in this! I've been playing with it a bit more... on this story and then my other one, Fairy Dust, and it's actually something that I really enjoy stepping into. It kind of feels like it gives it sort of a poetic finish... or maybe I'd just like to think that :P
I'm so happy that contrast came out clearly. It's hard for me to imagine why Severus would become best friends with Lily. She stands for a lot of the things he hates. Social acceptance, being a muggle born... so I really wanted to give him a reason to latch onto her.
Thank you so much for this very well thought out review. You often just get a few sentences that don't really relate to your story in review tag, so it's always so awesome to get someone who really puts effort into their review! I'm so happy you enjoyed this!
Jami Report Review
Wow. This one really grabs at the old heartstrings. For reasons we've discussed over and over again, I've never thought of Snape as a sympathetic figure. I've always found his "love" for Lily to be a very twisted, possessive sort of obsession. But every person has reasons for ending up the way that they are, and I thought you did an amazing job of capturing just a bit of the childhood conflicts and contrasts that shaped Severus Snape.
The idea of Severus's father as an angry, violent alcoholic wasn't hard at all to get my head around. The idea of his mother as a profusely apologetic, deeply troubled woman who was ultimately unable to fix the things that were wrong with her life and her marriage works really well, too. It's obvious that she loves her son very much, but she's either too frightened or too despondent to make the changes that would be needed to give him a better life. "Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children." It's a favorite quote of mine, spiritual beliefs or lack thereof notwithstanding, and when a mother consistently fails to deliver on her promises the child will never be able to trust. The bitterness and bullying tendencies that Severus shows later in life doubtless arise from his feelings of being powerless as a child.
But his relationship with Lily is something totally different. She does nice things for him even though she has no reason to do so. She fixes the problems that she creates. You couldn't have created a more poignant contrast, but you kept Lily so sweet and childlike at the same time. She wasn't changing the world, she was just helping him get the ice cream off of his clothes. But to him, her actions were profound.
Your writing was beautiful in this. It all flowed perfectly and the descriptions were vivid and crisp. I enjoyed reading it even though it was short. Nice job!Author's Response: I'm sure you can imagine how hard it was for me to get myself to think of him as Severus-- instead of Snape. But once I tried to focus on what would turn a man into such a bitter person, what would cause him to want power, to want control as badly as he does when he's older, that really helped. It was clear Snape wasn't just twisted and cruel like Bellatrix, but he also wasn't ever nice. He had this sort of detachment throughout, except of course when it came to Lily then it was the opposite, a serious amount of obsession. Anyway, I think it's a pretty easy line to connect him being from an abusive household, where he always felt like he had no control over what happened.. forcing him to want that sense of control and power later on down the road. I don't think I could ever write adult Snape, but the child Severus was a really interesting experiment.
I'm so happy that you liked the amount of weight Lily's actions, as small as they may be to anyone else, held for Severus. Like you said, she's fixing a problem she creates. That's something huge for him...
I can safely say that, except for when he crops up in before they fall, I will most likely not be writing Snape again. It's too scary :P But I'm so happy you think this turned out well ♥
Thank you so much m'dear for you always amazing reviews! Report Review
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