Reading Reviews for The Fire Inside
  
9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MargaretLane Two

31st August 2014:
I'm not sure the part about his grades being good enough to graduate Hogwarts a year early really makes sense. Hogwarts students' grades are based on their N.E.W.T. results, so for him to leave school a year early, he'd have had to have taken the N.E.W.T.S. a year early, which, firstly, would mean he'd have had to have done a two year course in one year and secondly, would mean he'd left school early not because how good his grades were, but because he'd already done the exam. Even if he just got Acceptables, he'd still be finished with school, unless he decided to repeat the year and try for better grades, I guess. I guess it's possible that if a student came highly recommended by their Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, then the Auror office might, in a situation like a war, take them without any N.E.W.T.S., but they wouldn't have "graduated". It would be a case of the Auror office taking them without qualifications.

Wow, this fits my challenge so weirdly well, with the comment about how the crime bears the hallmarks of "someone entirely new".

And I'm wondering if something happened to David, maybe during the war, because of the comment about how he "would have" loved the case.

Love the mention of people leaving Britain during the war. This is something you rarely hear about in fanfiction.

Do they have plea bargaining in the UK? It sounds very American to me, especially for the wizarding world.

Overall though, the language in this story seems to fit very well with an investigation.

And I'm really wondering about David and why he is being described as "sick". I'm now wondering if he might be the villain here.

Oh, I wasn't expecting Hermione to turn up in this story. I like the reference to her having seen enough monsters lately. Poor girl has had a pretty unpleasant time.

I was WONDERING why Hermione'd be visiting the home of a suspected Death Eater. I thought maybe she'd been asked by the Ministry to investigate or something, but that seemed unlikely as this is so soon after the Battle of Hogwarts.

You've written "if your new friend let's us in". There shouldn't be an apostrophe in the "lets".

I can see why Ron and Ginny would appear that way to Theodore, assuming he's genuine and doesn't have an agenda, but it IS unfair. Once you get to know somebody, you can't really continue to see them just as a mythical hero and Ginny fought at the Ministry with Harry and would probably have accompanied him in Deathly Hallows, had he asked her. And as for Ron, well, how many people would willingly put themselves in danger in the first place. It was different for Harry and Hermione: once Voldemort took power, they really had nothing to lose.

I wonder who Harry is referring to by the "some people" in his final comment.

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Review #2, by MargaretLane One

30th August 2014:
Wow, that's one dramatic and intriguing opening. I'm already wondering why Theo is screaming and who the girl is.

You really portray the emotions Theo is feeling well. I particularly like the fact he tries to yell, but it comes out as a whisper.

This is VERY minor, but I think in the second paragraph, the sentence might sound better as, "it took HIM a second to realise IT was his own voice screaming". There's nothing wrong with the way you've written it, but the use of the name sounds a bit repetitive and the inclusion of the word "that" between "realise" and "it" just seems to draw things out a bit longer than necessary. But I being REALLY picky here.

Oooh, I want to know who the villain is.

And I love the detail that the smile scared him more than the Cruciatus Curse. That tells us something about the villain and his or her mentality.

I also really like the details about him coughing blood and being unable to stand and the description of how London suddenly seems foreign, which indicates how disoriented he is.

OK, this review seems to be just a list of "I likeds", but it is really well written.

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Review #3, by Iellwen Two

30th July 2014:
Sam!! You've updated this story so quickly, I'm so happy!! ♥

How I loved this chapter!!

Stephen Odell went to school with David - as in Theodore's mentioned brother?
When Stephen found the corpse in Gringotts I had to think of Theo; did he kill that stranger? He is a powerful enough wizard, having cast shields around his Manor that even Hermione didn't recognize!
Why would he kill that stranger (who I, like Jane, hope was already dead when it happened) - to protect Hermione from the first chapter's creepo (who called Theodore 'Theo' so probably knows him personally, I now think).

I'm a bit confused because I thought Hermione was being tortured in the first chapter yet her behaviour in this one doesn't seem to fit the part - so was there another girl (I just realized my foolish assumption, as the girl is not named!) being tortured in front of Theo? The mystery thickens - I love it!

I love the way you tell the reader that Hermione counted the minutes and seconds before Harry answered - the way you give out information is, all in all, genius and a delight for the brain. Just enough to tease, not too much so as to not disrupt the flow. It makes the reader really want to skim through what you've given so far, looking for clues. ^^

I really love the dynamics between Hermione and Theodore as well as with Harry. Hermione and Theo obviously don't get along yet tolerate and endure each other for Harry's sake. Harry is hiding out, letting his wounds heal in a safe environment where he doesn't feel the pressure of being the Chosen One (which, by the way, I think is genius of you because Harry didn't like it before and it's only logical that after Voldemort's defeat, it got even worse) and even if he's living with a Slytherin (boo, evil, manipulating Slytherin that will turn him against his friends!! That made me laugh, coming from a fellow snake :D )

I ADORE Theo's views of Ron and Ginny! Very cold yet it's believable; if you twist the events and don't take their feelings into consideration, Ron really is unreliable and Ginny is very stalkish (a bit like James was with Lily ^^) so I love that you quickly showed those aspects through Theo's words!
I wonder what is his reason for disliking Hermione (besides, maybe, being forced to kill to save her?! Hehehe) and if he's just pretending not to like her when he actually does :D

I'm thinking... There's no immediate proof that the bra Hermione found belonged to one of Theo's conquests. After, Harry's a guy, too ;)
Ah, so typical of Griffies, immediately assuming the worst of us snakes! xD

I'm very much looking forward to reading about Harry and Hermione's quiet breakfast, because I'm expecting something to go (terribly) wrong but can't forsee what :p
I'll be regularly shaking you (hey, since it seems to work! ;) ) for the next update!!

This was an awesome chapter that I loved reading! ♥

*Gee

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Review #4, by HufflePuff_Blitz Two

25th July 2014:
Awesome, and not as sad!
Please let it be Theo/Harry *fingers crossed*
the moment theo entered this chapter :D Great Sam!
This is very intriguing and awesome.
Great as always Sam!
-Kyle :)

Author's Response: Not as sad... Yet.

Theo/Harry... There's no official pairing, but I can tell you a bit of headcanon about them if you want? ;)

Thank you so much for leaving a review!

Sam.


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Review #5, by HufflePuff_Blitz One

25th July 2014:
:( I was really excited when I saw it was a theo story, but then I read past the first sentence. It was so sad and yet vague at the same time.
Great as always Sam... I'm going to read the next chapter then I'm just going to sit in a corner and be sad for a while.
- kyle

Author's Response: Sadness was inevitable. Sorry. It needs to be done because it's the reason for the whole story.

Thank you so much for leaving a review!

Sam.


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Review #6, by alicia and anne Two

24th July 2014:
Another chapter! I am so excited for this! Mainly because it means more Theo for me to swoon over.

And boy did I swoon! :D I'm so jealous of Hermione right now haha

I'm really worried about the murder at the beginning and who done it, especially how things had been left. It's scary! Although I did enjoy the talk about David, he would like this, he is sick enough too.

Theo does know how to make an appearance and open a door in a way to embarass others. :P It's why we love him so! And the talk bout howw dangerous Theo is was great, I love hearing backstory on Theo (and I've heard a LOT! Something I will never get enough of, you could talk to me about it all day!) Especially that he could have graduated Hogwarts aged 10, He's so intelligent.

I love that Harry is hiding at Theo's house, he's good for him. He'll be able to get him through everything. And I love what he thinks about Ron and Ginny, he's not one to mince his words. I want to know what he thinks of Hermione! And why there's so many clothes laying around haha, what have Harry and Theo been up to? :P

Another amazing chapter! I seriously can't wait for more :D I'm so excited that you moved this chapter up your list so that you could update it. :D

Author's Response: Lots and lots of Theo.

You don't need to be. He doesn't like Hermione.

The murder. You'll know who did it in the next chapter. And you won't like it. I did enjoy putting the talk about David.

Oh, Theo always knows how to make an appearance. Even if it is purely accidental. Meaning he just doesn't care. Theo's backstory is epic. But the Death Eaters don't know that, it's mostly rumors. He could have, though.

Harry has gone to the last place anyone would think to look for him. Theo is definitely not one to hide what he thinks. He's always telling the truth, he can't help it. Why? You'll find out. ;)

Thank you so much for leaving a review!

Sam.


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Review #7, by Iellwen One

22nd July 2014:
Heya Sam!
Reviewing for our Pit's July Review Exchange :)

I am so angry and frustrated right now, you have no idea - so I'll tell you. ;)
This prologue is awesome and I want f not need to know what happens next.
What does Theo have to find and retrieve from Gringotts? Is this to save Hermione? Who was the guy that tortured her?

Honestly, you write a short, attention-catching prologue like this one and don't upload the second chapter?! I ought to find you and shake it out of you.

I love that Theodore was angry inside yet resigned and broken, so much he could not yell or scream, only able to whisper. That his pain was so strong he became numb.

I'm thinking the evil guy can't be Voldemort because Theo was pushed out of a moving car. But 'He' has henchmen to push Theo out of said moving car, so obviously an influential bad guy. I really want to know more about 'him'!

Theo is in such a bad shape! Already falling on his face and breaking his nose, then being thrown on the street mercilessly for him to bleed even more - all his endures for 'her' sake. ♥

Will he kill to save her life? Will he?!
TELL ME, SAM! TELL ME!!!
*sigh*
You've broken me for today. I've read those 600 words of five times by now. I really can't imagine what could happen next. You've reduced me to Theo's first state and I am begging you - not to stop, but to continue.
Please? Pretty please?
With a cherry on top?

All in all, a great first chapter and prologue :D
You better update soon or I'll come and hiss at you in the Pit!


*Gee
P.S: you do understand that my threatening and yelling is purely my cold-blooded way to show affection, right? ^^

Author's Response: Hello!

Wow, such a mega review for a little chapter! I'm glad you liked it that much. Thank you!

You'll find out something about Gringotts in the next chapter. Not the whole story, just the ending. But that's the beauty of a mystery. ;)

Is it to save Hermione? Ooh, you'll probably figure that one out in the next chapter as well. The guy will be back. :)

Well, you did. You shook and now the next chapter is almost done. :P

Oh, Theo. It killed me, but I enjoyed writing it.

No, it's not Voldemort. This is post-war. And as canon as I can make it, despite what the pairing says. This is something I imagine in my headcanon for after the war. You'd think post-war headcanon would be happy... Mwahahahah! *cough* No, it's not.

Will he kill to save her life? He'd do anything... ;)

I'm definitely continuing, don't worry. :

Thank you for the amazing review!

Sam.

P.S. I'd expect nothing less from a fellow snake. :D


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Review #8, by alicia and anne One

18th March 2013:
Yay a Theo story! *is in love with him*
Oh no he's screaming :-( I'm already sad.
Why is this person torturing Theo? I hate whoever that person is! How can they hurt my Theo... I mean Theo... like that?
Poor Theo being thrown out of the car like that :-(
I wonder why he has to go to Gringotts? Is he getting them money, trying to buy them off? Is it something else?
Gah I need to know more!
I can't wait for more, I need to know that Theo is going to be okay and not too hurt :-(

Author's Response: A Theo story! A slightly sad, very dark Theo story! But we'll take it! :D

You'll find out very soon.

Hopefully more will come one day soon, it will be finished eventually. :)

Thank you so much for leaving a review!

Sam.


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Review #9, by Sweets-Caandy One

2nd January 2013:
Oookay definitely different to other stuff i read from you, but I'm excited how it will go on!

Author's Response: Yep, very different. I hope you enjoy reading it. :)

Sam.


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