Reading Reviews for Little Stars
  
8 Reviews Found

Review #1, by rogue_bludger Little Stars

27th April 2013:
this was really cute! usually scorpius/rose is super annoying and/or predictable..but you did a great job of writing it! :)
~M

Author's Response: Thank you so much, I am so glad you liked it! :)

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Review #2, by Lululuna Little Stars

13th April 2013:
This was sweet, I liked it! The personification of Rose was exactly how I imagined her: Hermione's nerdiness mixed with Ron's moodiness. My favourite line was the simple but effective "Rose was not amused."

I also enjoyed how Scorpius is portrayed, and that it's hinted that he possibly wasn't shown a lot of affection as a child, which implies a complicated family dynamic. Perhaps that's why he's spending Christmas with the Potters... That being said, I think a bit more detail and context would strengthen the story.

I liked how they go on a rampage through a supermarket- I will admit to walking through one before and wishing I could just go crazy in it, haha.

Just something that stood out: the line "Would it be bad that I told you we did not see him for the rest of the night?" is very funny and well placed, as silly Albus was just supposed to go around the corner. However, I think it would be more effective if you made it a definitive statement instead of addressing the reader, for instance "We didn't see him for the rest of the night." You have some good one-liners and they deserve to stand out! :)

Overall, very lovely little scene. :)

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm so glad you liked it! I will be sure to strengthen Scorpius' back story! Thanks again for the time to review :)

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Review #3, by Olga Little Stars

3rd March 2013:
Its adorable and I love it! Merry Christmas!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! :P

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Review #4, by Jchrissy Little Stars

12th February 2013:
Hi there, m'dear!

This was such a creative setting for a one shot. Something about a group of teens being locked in a store, snowed in, is awesome. And I liked that you made a good point of why they couldn't apparate away. We all know you can't do magic in front of muggles, so it just fit perfectly. I love when a story has logical reasons behind things happening. Not only did you give us a setting that made sense but was still a lot of fun, but you really made it feel realistic with the reason they had left to the store in the first place.

I did feel like it was a bit dialogue heavy, but I think that can be balanced out well if you add in a few more details. I noticed that was already mentioned though, so I won't dwell on it.

Rose was very introverted, and having her be uncomfortable when Al left made a lot of sense. She knows her book, she comfortable with that, and here she is stuck with Scorpius.

I also think you made a really fun choice with here he led her. It gave you the chance to bring out a more playful side of Rose, and she desperately needed that :P

This was an adorable read! Like I said, more detail, and also your spacing is distracting. If you're having trouble with more spaces being created every time you edit and save, and you're already pasting as plain text, try formatting with the simple editor. There's a link for a guide on there that will show you how to do your italics and all that, and it eliminates the problem of unwanted spaces. If you do give that a try and get confused, you can PM me and I'll explain it more thoroughly :)!

Thanks for giving me some warm fuzzies on this Tuesday afternoon!

♥ Jami

Author's Response: OH MY GOODNESS I AM SO SO SORRY, I totally did not even see this review until now! Thank you so much for reviewing! I will deffenintly add in some more description and fix the formatting of my story!

Thanks again I really appreciated it! :)


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Review #5, by Courtney Dark Little Stars

9th January 2013:
Hello there! It's Courtney, here for your requested review.

First off, I would like to say that I love the idea for this story! It is so cute and awesome and amazing and just...yes. Just yes. As I was reading it, I started to smile goofily, and began imagining myself locked in a big store in the evening. It would be kind of fun, wouldn't it? Having unlimited supplies of ice cream and other goodies...so good job on making me feel really connected to the story! It takes a good author to do that:)

I really liked the way this story began. It was a great hook, because I wasn't quite sure what was going on, which left me wanting more. I especially enjoyed the line; 'Because really, Mrs. Potter just could not live without her special cranberry sauce' because it was just so random, but worked perfectly-and it also seems a very Scorpius Malfoy thing to say.

You have some really great lines in this one-shot-ones that made me laugh and smile and all the other right things. One of my absolute favourites was definitely 'So really, I was here with my best mate and his awkward cousin; who was now sitting, reading a book.' It just seems so typical teenage guy-to look over at the one girl he is stuck with, nose in a book and go 'oh great.' So I found that very believable.

I like your characterizations of Rose and Scorpius and even Albus, though he doesn't appear for a very long time. I think what I like about your depictions of these commonly seen characters is the fact that they are so different from how a lot of people right them. Rose always seems to be 'good time Rose'. Or pregnant. And Scorpius is always a total ladies man. Here, you have done something completely different, and I like it! I like awkward Rose, with her head stuck in her book and her glasses, and I like the fact that Scorpius has only had a few kisses.

I'm also impressed that you have developed the characters within the space of this one-shot, without it seeming unnatural or too fast to be believable. Rose's development is especially good-how she goes from being shy and quiet and awkward, to having a good time, grabbing cream and ice cream and laughing. It is clear that Scorpius brings out her good side. I also like how Scorpius slowly realizes how much he likes Rose-from the little things she does such as how she speaks and laughs, and how her eyes light up when she talks about books.

There's really not a lot of advice I can give you on this one-shot, as I feel it's practically perfect! However if there is one thing I could say it would be: detail. It's the little details and descriptions, sometimes ones that don't even matter that really make a story for me. I think perhaps this one-shot is a little fast paced at times, such as in toy section bit, and some little descriptions could really make this even better than it already is.
Thanks for the great read!
Courtney:)

Author's Response: Oh wow! Thank you so much for this review! It was insanely helpful and I really really appreciate it! I'm glad you liked it!

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Review #6, by patronus_charm Little Stars

6th January 2013:
Hi it's patronus_charm with your review! I laughed when I saw you requested as I read this at 2 in the morning and I was going to review but it would have been terrible as I was falling asleep over my laptop! Oh well here it is now ;D

I really enjoyed reading this from Scorpius's persepctive as it's usually from Rose's so it can get a little boring so reading this was a refreshing change. I liked how Scorpius was rather funny as he tends to lean towards the more moody and mysterious side. I enjoyed seeing what he was thinking as it connected well with his actions.

I also really liked what you did with Rose and you couldn't help but feel sorry for 'the one Weasley no one liked'. You just wanted to become her friend she was a really endearing character and it was nice to see her become more confident and lively as the chapter went on.

I found the story was also believable which is very important for a one shot as they often don't have the chance to develop as much as novel's.

Albus, though he barely appeared in it provided some good comedic elements especially his reaction at the end.

Overall the only pointer is possibly give more description just to make you feel more connected but it's really good so there isn't really much to improve on. Just one last thing I loved the use of muggle knowledge of going to Asda as I felt it just made it more speciall. I really enjoyed reading!

Author's Response: Hey there! I promise it was only like, 6 in the evening my time! :) Thank you so much for the review! I will certainly go back and reread it to see where I could place more description, thanks for the help, your review was awesome!

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Review #7, by Ron 4 Hermione Little Stars

5th January 2013:
Hey there!
I like how you used the quote, it wasn't just shoved in but it actually fit the story.
This was a great story, really original and fun and Scorpious and Rose are really sweet. Poor Albus, walking in on his sister and best friend but it was a nice touch.
This was a great story and thanks for entering! :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! :)

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Review #8, by Rae Ella Little Stars

3rd January 2013:
I LOVED it!!! Please write a sequel I want Lily's reaction ;) x

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much! Haha! I might have to! :)

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