Oh. My. Merlin. I am so glad I stumbled across this story! It is just amazing. In the few words you have written this story, you have managed to express so much despair and angst and sadness, it is awesome. I always love such kind of heartbreaking intense stories, especially if they concern the separation of Draco and Hermione.
Hermione was written really well, and I loved how her pain, and her desire to run, was so raw all over the story. Her thoughts were written beautifully and the imagery was amazing.
This was extremely well-written with so much emotion and pain, and such a wonderful narrative. I really loved this!!
Great job!! 10/10!!
P.S. If you could write a sequel/prequel to this, it would be just awesome!! Report Review
God, your writting is so good. Thank you for writting this. It is just amazing the way you manage all these complex fellings. I'll read some other, for sure. Report Review
Oh my god. Wow. That was simply stunning, thank you so much for writing that. I just want more and more. I've never felt so much from a story before- it felt so real, as if it could actually have happened! Wow! Please write a sequel or a prequel or whatever. I just need more of this!! Report Review
For some odd reason, I'm drawn to the sad stories where Draco & Hermione don't end up together! But that doesn't matter, because they're usually the best written! Even though this was written for a challenge, it still makes so much sense and flows with thought and hardly any dialogue--sometimes dialogue can ruin a story--but the minimal dialogue you have fits it perfectly! Wonderful job, I will definitely read your other stories! :) xx Report Review
Wow, that was absolutely breath taking from the very first paragraph. So much imagry, so much passion and emotion. Its an amazing piece of writing.
I feel Hermione's despair. I imagine those first few years after the war were so tough on everyone as they wrangled with their emotional scars. Hermione's grief and longing seem so real, as well as her will to stay. It's like she can't quite let go of who Ron used to be.
I love how you described diamonds, I'm not much of a fan of daimonds either. Emerals are so much better :)
I didn't read who the pairing was in this story, the summary completely drew me in. I could see it being Harry (green to match his eyes) or Draco (green for slytherin). Either way, it's beautiful and I feel I can pick which either way I wish it to go.
My only minor point would be to put punctuation in her thoughts at the end as it runs together and is a little hard to read. Other than that, spelling and grammar are really good.
Well done. This is a beautiful piece of writing. Report Review
Your writing is so beautifully vivid. Your opening paragraph almost made me close my eyes and breathe in the wind of the sea. I swear I could hear the little wind chime of the shells clinking and the sand between my feet.
On the other hand, this opening also made me incredibly sad and my heart hurt. I always read how well our characters are doing after the War. How they thrived without the presence of Voldemort, how everyone was able to breathe so much easier, and how easily it seemed that everyone was able to move past all the death and destruction that took place. But I haven’t really read how negatively it could’ve affected our most beloved Trio. To see the light wiped out of the other two, even though we all thought they were going to be okay when they both just caved from the tension…is just so, indescribably sad.
The only technical thing I have is a few paragraphs from the end, where she’s listing all the reasons she needs to stay. It needs some commas to separate the sentence out, because it runs on otherwise and makes it a little hard to read. I had to insert my own commas in my head a little, and it distracted from your writing. It seems a little nit-picky, I agree, but you wouldn’t believe how subconsciously we process those grammatical punctuation marks, and then struggle to make sense of writing when they’re not there.
This is another day in the in-between, another day she runs without moving at all. Absolutely love this line. I know I’ve felt like this at times, and the feeling of spinning our wheels in life was really brilliantly put.
Overall, this a beautifully tragic piece of writing. It wrenched at my heart strings and made me sad for the two of them. The heroes that didn’t live so heroically, the Princess and Prince that didn’t live happily ever after, the people that just couldn’t quite put themselves back together as everyone else seemed to (or at least, we assume). All of it really comes together and leaves me rather empty and sad, which I find is few and far between in pieces of writing in fanfiction. Truly, this was brilliant, and I look forward to reading more pieces from you.
-ashleydelacour Report Review
This honestly broke my heart.
Beautifully tragic. That's how I'd describe it. Or maybe tragically beautiful. One or the other.
Your imagery in the beginning is breathtaking. Your metaphors and transitions--especially the recurring one comparing the water to diamonds, and emeralds to Draco--are impeccable. My favorite thing, however, is probably your characterization.
I love reading Dramione fics--not on this site, for some reason, but I do--but I absolutely detest the way Ron is usually portrayed in them. He's always either selfish, brainless, a complete prat, or a combination of all three. It irks me because Ron is one of my favorite characters: I love just how human he, Draco, and Percy are, especially in contrast the almost every other character who is either completely good or completely evil. Ron makes mistakes constantly. It's just what people do. And sometimes those mistakes, and your experiences, can break a person. I love how you explained that that's what happened to Ron. That's why he and Hermione fell out of love. Not because he's malicious or self-centered (although, yes, he didn't notice that she didn't like diamonds or even rings as Draco did, but come on, he's always been a bit thickheaded), but because he's lost to the point of no return. The war took him away. But he's still able to hold onto a tiny part of humanity, enough to give her the option to leave because he loves her too much to make her stay. That's the Ron Rowling wrote, and that's the Ron you stayed true to.
Draco, I think, is also spot-on. How very Slytherin of him to run away, not because he doesn't love her--not even because of anything to do with her--but just because it's the easy way out. I could tell he really did care for her though. I felt for the both of them. And that line about him belonging to her? Pure gold.
I love the complexities of Hermione you displayed. She's always been so self-sacrificing, and you really captured that here. She may not love Ron anymore, but she loved him once, and for a girl as kindhearted and selfless as her that's enough to make her stay. And those insecurities about what would happen if she tried to find him? They were almost too much to handle, they felt so genuine.
This was absolutely beautiful. I don't have any real criticism, other than "fiancée" should be fiancé when referring to the male. Just a little grammar thing that's a pet peeve of mine. Other than that, thank you for requesting a review for this because I wouldn't have discovered it otherwise. It was just so...real, the pain. In a completely amazing way that only a true writer can accomplish.
- mirasoul, from the forumsAuthor's Response: Oh wow. This review was so detailed and so so lovely, thank you so much.
I'm really glad to see that we have similar views on Ronmione, and Dramione. When the two are unrealistically done (especially when done in the same fic) it infuriates me to no end. Because Ron Weasley wasn't a jerk who would call Hermione awful names and all that junk, and Draco Malfoy wasn't perfect, and I abhor when people portray them as such. So really, thank you :)
You are far, far too kind, and I would like to sincerely thank you for the wonderful review. I wish I could spend hours and paragraphs thanking you but I really don't know what else to say other than you are lovely, and I really appreciate you taking the time to go into such wonderful detail.
Thank you very much love xx Report Review
Hello, KCKibbles from the review tag :)
I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who thought that Ron and Hermione would eventually drift apart after they got together. Of course, this didn't happen in the epilogue of the books, but to me it just seemed likely. As if there was a lack of options for the two of them. I mean, surely they must have met someone else who appealed to them in some way? I've thought the same with Ginny and Harry.
Anyway, I thought you portrayed how their relationship could have turned out very well. I don't blame Hermione for wanting to run away from a marriage that has fallen apart. If Draco and Hermione ever did get together, I'm quite sure that Draco would have run away if she said she loved him, especially with their history.
It was nice that Ron- Oh wait, I just reread a line. Ron says, "and you can go find him." Wow. He knew? That's surprising. It was nice that Ron actually gave her a chance to leave instead of being completely ignorant of what was going on with their relationship like other writers make him do.
This made me want to read more of this story, but at the same time I feel like any more would ruin it and make it seem less interesting. You've said enough to make a reader interested and satisfied. My mind tends to wander so I think that was a good quality of the story.Author's Response: Thank you so much! What a lovely, detailed review, which is always a wonderful thing to see. I really appreciate you taking the time to write so much, and I'm very pleased that you seemed to enjoy the story.
I've always felt the same about Ginny/Harry too. High school or teenage relationships rarely last, and I was surprised that JK made it so they did. I don't know, it always seemed too perfect to me.
Thank you very much for your wonderful review xx Report Review
This is so beautiful, I feel like I want Hermionie to run for it.
I feel bad for Hermionie, if Draco had of stayed would she have ran with him? What was Draco thinking when he left her?.
Your details in this story are remarkable, you fit in the most delecate yet effective of words and phrases.
How you worked in the diamonds was lovely; her ring, the water and the metaphor.
"This is not the day she escapes. This is not the day she gives up.This is another day in the in-between, another day she runs without moving at all." These last two lines are so well writen and a very nice, dramatic way to finish.
Beautiful writing, keep going :DAuthor's Response: I wanted her to run for it too, but I'm a mean mean person XD
Thank you so much for the lovely review! It really made my day, and I'm so glad you liked the way I incorporated the diamonds in -- that was the biggest challenge for me, so I'm thrilled that it worked out.
Thanks for the review and for reading, love xx Report Review
Wow, Molly! This is a powerful story, with amazing depth, not only of feeling, but also of character. You've conveyed a lot of history and plot, a full novel's worth, in a one-shot, not even a long one-shot at that, and I'm in awe of the result.
There's a lot of things I really like about this story from the atmosphere and descriptions to the way you've portrayed the characters. You also include wonderful details, little banal things that emphasize Hermione's depressed state and how she's trapped in this very limited, domestic world. Ron feels a connection to that place with his admiration of the view and the water (via the diamond), but it's not where she belongs. It's the greatest difference between them, that he is used to those little comforts while her curiosity and need for adventure eat away at her. It fits very well into canon, which is something I always like to see when authors tackle Draco/Hermione - it's the greatest challenge of that ship.
It's not like anything I've seen done before with a Ron/Hermione/Draco triangle, and it's very refreshing in the way that you situate Hermione between the two wizards. She's the strongest of the three, and I don't think she realizes how similar the two of them are, how one has physically run away while the other has psychologically faded - they're both absent in their own way, so deeply affected by the war that they can't properly function. What's sad is that it's Hermione who suffers most - she can't have what she desires, and instead has to sacrifice herself to look after Ron. And the depth that you give her character is incredible. I can easily see this story working outside of the Potterverse; it has a darkly realistic feel that makes it compelling.
There was one little typo in the line "she reaches up to where her hands still rests upon her shoulder" - it should be "his hands" I think. That would make more sense.
Needless to say that I really enjoyed this and I look forward to reading more of your stories! It's great to see you on HPFF, Molly! :DAuthor's Response: Gah, Susan, this review just made me flail all over the place. Thank you so much n_n xx
I can't stand Dramione when it's done unrealistically or in a way that couldn't fit it with canon, and I especially can't stand it in stories where Ron is portrayed as this terrible villain - I much prefer to have Hermione at equal amounts of fault for the failure of their relationship as him, so I'm glad that much sort of came across in the story.
Thanks for pointing that typo out, btw. I'm a notoriously bad proofreader XD
Thanks again Susan! Such a lovely review, it made my night xx Report Review
I saw your link on the forum and I decided to read it and I'm glad I did.
I really liked the way you portrayed Hermione and Ron's relationship because despite the fact it goes against the epilogue I always imagined them slowing drifting apart as I never thought they were that well suited.
Good work for your first fan fiction and I hope you write some more soon as I loved the way you used so much description :DAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it - I could always see that happening too, so I love to play around with the idea that they weren't as perfect for each other as they seemed.
Thanks again! xx Report Review
This is so good. I wish I could write link you. You have this effortless way of including so many significant details that work so well.
Hope you write more soon :DAuthor's Response: You're way too sweet :) thank you so much love, I'm glad you liked it xx Report Review
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