Hi, I'm here from the Holiday Review Swap. Sorry that I was a bit late with this review.
Anyway, I really liked this story. One reason being that Louis Weasley is going to be in it - and he is one of my favourite next-gen characters. Another reason was the plot. I found it to be really unique and I was immediately drawn into the story. I liked the way that you told of the events that happened the previous night rather than showing them to the reader and starting the story at the previous night.
I was really intrigued by the recurring nightmare that Austyn has. I'm wondering if it is a premonition of what is to come in the future? I also love the characterization of Austyn and how although she is a Slytherin she feels that she doesn't live up to the qualities of her house.
I really liked this story and I want to know more about Austyn.
Charlie Report Review
hey there, it's Whiskey from Holiday Review Swap!
This is an interesting start! I wonder if the woman in her nightmares is the mother? I like to speculate :P I also suspect she will run into this one-night stand again? That might end up being awkward...
I do have some suggestions for improvement, if you don't mind:
First of all, recalling all of these things as she walks home is, on the one hand, an unusual strategy, on the other hand it's alot like "telling" instead of "showing". I could imagine that starting off with the dream, then her waking up and wondering where she is, then the walk home with some reflection would have been more gripping. But less sad, I suppose, so it's a question of taste in the end.
This sentence here struck me as odd: "By simply bottling up her feelings and her thoughts, it was so much easier to ignore things." It's a very general statement and it doesn't really correspond to what's happening, since she was actually in the process of thinking about her issues as she walks home...And again, it's just telling the reader a fact and assuming they will believe you instead of *showing* them how she bottles things up...
Apart from that, quite an exciting story, good luck! Report Review
Coming from the Holiday Review Swap
Hi Kristina, *waves* I saw your status about this last night, and I couldn't resist reading, and when I saw this was in your Review Swap thread, I was even happier :)
So I really like your beginning, and Austyn's name, It's really unusual, at least it is in England. And her surname sounds so sinister, like she really does belong in Slytherin ;) I really like the middle bit, and I really think the nightmare creates a certain edge to the story... I really like this, It's been favourited :) And I'm looking forward to the next chapter and meeting this Healer Austyn's going to fall for ;)
Keep up the great work! :)
-Julia Report Review
Hey Kristina :D I've been seeing more of your lovely banners around, totally missed that you're actually behind some of them!
Ooh, a mystery. I didn't expect that heading in, first with how she wakes up in a strange bed, but then there was something terribly creepy about it. Like the beginning of a horror film as she makes her way through the dark. This sentence - Humiliation due to the course of the previous evening - I noticed sounded awkward, maybe change it to something like 'The humiliation of the previous evening' or 'Humiliation from the previous evening' instead? There is some words that are repeated quite soon one after another, like 'night before' and 'thankful' are two that I caught, and I think reading it aloud will help catch those :)
The woman in her dream, I wonder how real she is - could be a memory or a metaphor. Aw, feel for her a bit more to know that the alcohol's for coping. I noticed that there is more telling than showing at times. For example it was so much easier for Austyn to ignore all the unpleasant parts of life, it would be better to show how she actually ignores the unpleasant parts of her. And I think you do start to show how she deals with something unpleasant right in this chapter - waking up in a strange bed! - so emphasizing how she ignores this unpleasant situation is one way of integrating that character trait without explicitly saying it.
Hope that's a bit of helpful feedback! It looks like an idea that's got a lot of possibilites ^__^ Report Review
WOW this is really brilliant ;D & I hope you don't mind me asking, but who's the lovely boy on the banner? xoAuthor's Response: Wow thank you so much! Haha I don't mind you asking at all. That is Hunter Parrish ;) Report Review
I really like it! Added to favourites, update soon :DAuthor's Response: aww thank you so much! I'm glad you did. I probably won't have time to update before the closure sadly, but in the new year definitely. Report Review
I really really love it! I just do! I love how it's so quirky and different to any other story i've read. I'm really excited to see what happens next!
I love your characterisation of Austyn, she is a very tortured soul, and I really love her personality in this chapter. Slytherin? I would have never taken her for one, but I guess the nightmares are hurting her a bit.
Again, I'm very excited to see where this story goes! And again, I've discovered another amazing story, thanks to the holiday review swap!
Can't wait till the next chapter, and i'm definitely favouriting it!
- AbhiAuthor's Response: Oh wow, thank you so much for this lovely review. I'm glad that you enjoyed it! :)
I have a plan figured out for the future which will explain why she is a Slytherin, but it won't be one of those perfectly matched sortings ;)
I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thank you again! Report Review
Kristina being awesome again...
You are perfect, my dear, don't ever stop what you're doing!!! (:Author's Response: Stop being crazy, Sally! Love you though Report Review
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