This is exciting! Titanic! :D I like the Titanic (not as much as my dad who is too obsessed)
I really like how he talked about how much this trip would mean to him and that it was their time to show that they were adults, and make mistakes and look after themselves.
I wonder how they'll get on on the Titanic, and how they'll deal with the inevitable end.
I can't wait to find out more my lovely!! :D

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Titanic is my all-time favorite movie, and I've read more books than I care to count on the subject -- so seeing your forums advert for your banner, and then seeing that that banner had Leonardo DiCaprio on it to boot, made me curious! I've never read a Potterverse-centric story about the Titanic before, and this was a very interesting way to start.

I like the relationship you've already built between Nate and Jared, and I'm intrigued as to how you're going to develop that over the course of the story. This was a short prologue, but it led into the rest of the story nicely -- which is, obviously, exactly what a prologue is supposed to do! The ominous note at the end was a nice touch, too, although I do suppose we all know how the ship's story is going to play out. I have a few suspicions about what'll happen, but we'll see if I'm right...

There were a few things I noticed in reading this story that you might want to know about. :) First is comma splices -- you have quite a few in here, and it makes your writing seem a bit more unpolished than it could be. If you haven't looked into those, I'd definitely recommend doing so. One example was here:

We, however, were eighteen and not long out of Hogwarts, just last summer, to be exact. -- There should either be a semicolon or a dash after 'Hogwarts,' or the 'just' should be the start of a new sentence (I'd do it the first way myself). They're two like thoughts, but they're also separate thoughts, and can't be part of the same sentence, even with commas. There were several other examples of this, too, so be on the lookout for those.

And a couple of grammar things:

one look between he and I told me that second ticket belonged to me. -- 'he and I' is not proper grammar here. You wouldn't say "the look passed to I" or "the look passed to he." Although it sounds funny, the correct way to word this sentence is "one look between him and me." I would personally avoid that altogether and rephrase it as "one look between us."

the tickets in my best friend and brother's hands would takes us to it. -- 'takes' should be the singular 'take' instead.

Nice job! I hope I've been of some help to you, and I'm curious to see where this story is going. Keep writing!

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Hi!
This was the only entry for my challenge :(
Good job. I really hope you post more. It's a promisnig start.

Author's Response: Hi.

Aww, that's sad to hear because it was a great challenge. I have my chapters all planned now, they just need to be written, so I hope it won't take me so long to post. :)

Thank you for making this challenge and for reviewing.

Sam.

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Hi Sam! I feel like you're always updating and adding new stories and yet I never make it over to your page. So I'm here for the holiday review swap :)

I really like the tone of this first chapter. It think it matches up with the movie, that air of excitement and wonder and all the hope that could come with an adventure across the ocean to America. I think it's neat to imagine it coming from two young boys, and it'll be cool to see what they get into before everything goes south--as it unfortunately must :(

This seems like a small quibble, but I wasn't a huge fan of the names you chose. They seemed a little too informal to come from a stodgy pureblood family like the Notts. Nate, I guess, is a little different because he isn't actually their son. Jared and Anthony, though, just don't fit well for me. 'Ant' also isn't the nickname I would have chosen.

This is a good start, and I can only imagine how magic and the Titanic might collide. Great work!

Amanda

Author's Response: Hey, Amanda! Yeah, one day I'll stop writing everything down... No, probably not. :P

Yeah, we all know the ending to this story. Well, the ship anyway. It's a new thing for me to write, but I'm a Titanic nerd so fingers crossed I won't mess it up. :P

The names just seemed to fit in my head, when I imagined their characters. The nickname 'Ant', though, is actually there for a reason and would be the youngest brother's nickname no matter what. That'll come up in the next chapter.

Thank you very much for reviewing this. :)

Sam.

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Very interesting premise! You don't often think of magical folk getting caught up in the major news events of the muggle world. Since you're about to plunge the two of them into the middle of one, I can only assume this story will be about that voyage.

You give us only the barest taste of who these characters are and what to expect in your prologue, but I still found it intriguing. The son of an old, pureblood family and his adopted brother/best friend, setting off on a great adventure together. It definitely holds a lot of promise.

I noticed one small typo you might want to take a second look at:

-- Jared didn't answer me, he'd already fallen asleep. I listened to his soft breathing, waiting for sleep to tale me as well, and my dreams are all of our adventures on Titanic. - should be "take me as well".

Nice start!

Author's Response: Yeah, it'll be interesting writing about the friends on the Titanic. New for me to write, but I hope I get it right and people continue to enjoy it.

Thanks for pointing it out, I've fixed it now. And thank you for leaving such an amazing review. :D

Sam.

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It's an interesting premise, and I will hold off all judgements (admittedly tainted by other Titanic fiascoes). So far, it sounds interesting and I want to see what happens to this gang. Onward!

Author's Response: I hope this will different to other Titanic stories. I hope you continue to like it. :)

Thank you for reviewing.

Sam.

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Sam! this is a great beginning! I saw you post the link to this on the forums and thought I would pop on by and leave you a review as I haven't read anything of yours in a bit! I thought this did a good job setting up the beginning of the story, it introduces the two main characters any way and their relationship with each other. I look forward to reading more and seeing how you go about this! good luck on the challenge, i've entered it as well but haven't finished chapter one yet! Great job on the first chapter!

~Slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: Thank you for stopping by and leaving such an amazing review, I really appreciate it. I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to respond.

Sam.

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