I just finished Coming Home and I enjoyed that one, too.
I love every one of your stories.
-FlippAuthor's Response: I just responded to your review and refreshed the page -- and this was here! I am seriously just so floored right now to know that someone out there's reading and enjoying my writing, you know? Honestly, I'm bowled over. I'm so happy you like my stories!
Thank you for your lovely reviews!! ♥ Report Review
I knew right away that I would love this. The feeling it creates is so warm and content - almost sleepy, but the imagery with ice and pale blues and shadow was cold - which is very much a wide-awake sort of feeling, and together it wove such an interesting mix of tone. I could see all of the Coming Home in this, but shifted so much to suit Harry and Ginny instead of Ron and Hermione. Their relationship was ingrained in your very word choice. I am endlessly impressed over and over.
Time for sap fest:
I think that out of everyone on this site, I am probably the most acquainted with your writing, and I can see the growth more clearly than anyone else could. It makes me so proud to see wonderful writing blossom into absolutely stellar writing. It's always been brilliant, but I get to see the variety of ways in which you shine by clicking around your author page and all the stories you've created; every single one of them, although different, are magnificent. That's the kind of statement you might appreciate more if it came from someone else, since by now you're used to seeing praise from me in all of my reviews, but I really hope that sinks in, because of how singular a truth it is. Do you know how hard it is to have over thirty stories on your page and have every single one of them be great?
And now I can vividly see Harry in the tent, gazing into the flames and thinking of Ginny, and Ginny and her friends taking up arms against the forces that be while she was in Hogwarts. (HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE GINNY. I MEAN, YOU EVEN WROTE HER WONDERFULLY HERE AND I BET YOU STILL DON'T LIKE HER.) I'd love to see more about Dumbledore's Army's stance in Hogwarts against Snape and the Carrows in DH. I'd love to see how Draco behaved, what classes were like, what the attitude of everyone was like under such a dangerous roof. The students that must have disappeared in the night, the punishments they must have endured at the hands of their professors, the information they must have been forced to dole out whenever asked... I wish I could read a really good story filling in that gap, and sadly I don't think I could find one, and it makes me wish you'd turn this into a novel. Because I'm selfish and if I could have it my way, you'd be balancing 20 WIPs so that I could read them, all the while yelling at you to stop writing so many WIPs. I am consistent. ~
Towards the end, I had to reread a couple of sentences because Ginny opened the window and the cold breeze came in, and then suddenly it's Harry feeling the cold breeze, and they fleshed together so perfectly that it tripped me up for a second that it was Harry! I didn't even notice the change from italics to normal. And then of course, their thoughts being along the same channel, and them seeming to speak to each other, to feel each other, across all that distance...it made me so sad but so...peaceful. That's the word I'm looking for. I had a half-smile on my face the whole time I was reading this, because the substance and style are so lovely, and the ending was perfect.
You are tops. ♥Author's Response: Of COURSE the first review I have to respond to would be yours! ♥ You are currently not on Skype, and I am assuming that you are lost in the blissful throes of Community, which is a perfect excuse. Nevertheless, it's hard to respond to you when you're not at hand to complain to about it. :(
I am so, so glad you like this, and I think I'm more sincere when I say that to you than to anyone else, just because it MEANS something to me to have you enjoy a story of mine. I feel like part of me writes for you, just to see how you evaluate it; that's how much I value your opinion. I can't see my growth AT ALL because of my objective viewpoint, and knowing that you think I've grown as a writer in the nearly-three years (oh my gosh, how) you've known me is a tremendous, tremendous thing. I don't think I'd have had the courage to write an original novel, let alone seek out agents for it, if it hadn't been for you. I wouldn't have had the courage to finish a FAN FICTION novel. I will never not appreciate, or even appreciate less, any comments coming from you, no matter how many times you say things. You are the reason I am still writing, and I know I have said that before, but that is because it is absolutely, positively true.
(I STILL DO NOT LIKE GINNY, THAT IS FOR SURE.) And yet somehow... writing her here, when she's away from Harry, was very tolerable and almost enjoyable. I kind of write this story solely from the banner I found, but there was a peace to their being apart that was very refreshing from anything I've found described in canon. I wish there was a good novel out there about the missing seventh year; that's the kind of thing I think I'd be too intimidated to tackle. Plus I selfishly want to see YOU do it.
I was really kind of worried about the melding of their thoughts, because that was an organic thing in CH, but here I knew I wanted to do it /because/ of CH. And so your appreciation for it is, of course, absolutely amazing, and I cannot think anymore for all the things you've made me feel tonight. I should not respond to reviews so late, but that is how life goes.
You are never, ever, ever going to know how much your reviews mean to me. All the responses in the world will not be enough to express my thanks. I am truly so lucky to have you as such a great friend, and I hope that never ends. ♥ Report Review
I really enjoyed this, especially how well you intertwined both Harry and Ginny together like you did by focusing on the way they moved in the moonlight (as though they were together even though they were miles apart). That said, I really think the second person perspective worked well for this piece. I'm not a huge fan of second person, only because of how hard it is to pull off, but I do like it when it fits and is written well. And I think you pulled the second person voice off quite well and it only emphasized how far away these two were, yet it offered a feeling of connection between them.
I also applaud you stepping out of your comfort zone to write a romance because I've, so far, only read your action stories. You're great at action, but you did just as great at romance here in this piece. I really felt the longing that both Harry and Ginny were feeling the more I read, and the ending was so perfect. It fit so well to have that last sentence being thought by both of them. It really sharpened the love they had for each other, as well as showing how connected they felt to each other on that night of all nights with the moon shining down, creating a path toward each other. 10/10
Excellent job, Rachel! (: -hugs-Author's Response: I'm so pleased that you enjoyed this! This story was written entirely so I could snag this gorg banner, but I like the way it turned out in spite of all that. :P The style, I think, was the most fun part about it, because I'd done the same thing in an earlier Ron/Hermione one-shot, and it worked so well that I knew it could work here, too, even though Harry/Ginny really isn't really a pairing I'm fond of. Second person is actually one of my favorite points of view to write, and I'm glad you think it was pulled off well here!
It's actually funny you mention that, because I'm way more comfortable with writing romance than writing action. :P Romance is the center of most of my stories, and even before I started posting here... I wrote EVERYTHING for romance! I always think I'm a little shoddy at action/adventure, so actually to hear that you like it is one of the best things in the world. ♥ That made my day!
Thank you so much for the review, Leslie! And I'm sorry I'm a little slow in responding; I'm trying to correct that now. :D I hope to see you back very soon!! Report Review
Heya! Perelandra here!
Thanks for being my 5th review! Haha, your story is the only Harry-centric that I read in that 5-review batch. Hahaha! XD
I'm not that big of a fan when it comes to Second POV as the authors tend to give way too much narrative that they lose the whole plot of the story. You, however, managed to not only move the story but also fill it with emotions which made me feel a bit sad for Harry/Ginny.
With such a short chapter you managed to really give us details in the emotions Ginny and Harry must have felt in those first few months they were apart. The loneliness, the wondering if the other one is alright and alive and the constant worry.
Question though, how comes Colin is there? He was in the run along with his brother so there's no way he could've been in the castle. It was too dangerous for him to go back to Hogwarts to begin with, specially with the Carrows. Anyway, just wondering, no biggie! XD
I absolutely love the last six lines by the way! It managed to capture their love for one another and their hopes.
This was a great read. Sorry the review is not that long but I really don't have that much to say except that I really enjoyed it!
--Rosie/PerelandraAuthor's Response: Thank /you/ for being so nice as to offer to read stories for people like this! :) I've done this a couple of times -- and it's always nice, feeling like you've made someone's day, you know? This review definitely made mine, if you're curious!
I'm really glad you liked the second person point of view, too. It's actually one of my favorites to write (the other being third person limited, switching between points of view), and it's nice to hear that I made it work here! Emotions were certainly carrying this story hugely, and though I don't normally like Harry/Ginny... I think I can handle them when they're apart like this. ;)
Oh my goodness, you caught a HORRIBLE mistake of mine. Thank you for that! I've fixed it up a bit now; I totally forgot that Colin and Dennis don't come back to Hogwarts. And I'm very glad you did point that out, actually, because I'll need to remember that for future stories, I'm sure!
Again -- really, thank you so much for this review! And I don't even want to hear any apologies about the length of them. :D Any review, no matter the length, will always make me smile, and you've done just that. ♥ I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and I hope to see you around soon! Report Review
This was such a beautiful one-shot. In such a short amount of words you really captured what Ginny and Harry must have been feeling during that year.
I really liked that you chose to write in second person, there aren't that many stories on HPFF written in that style. But I find that when a story written in second person is really well written, it makes me enjoy reading it even more.
I love how there is so much restlessness between both characters and in a way I think that is that restlessness which joins Harry and Ginny together. And you've characterized both of them so well. In many fanfictions that I have read, Ginny is portrayed as a strong fiery redhead who is constantly performing the Bat Bogey Hex. But in this story, you showed that she can hurt and that she has emotions like any other person.
CharlieAuthor's Response: Thank you for being willing to review this for me! I'm very happy that you enjoyed it, too -- I used to be very fixated on word counts, but a story doesn't have to be told in three thousand word increments, you know?
I love writing in second person, too, and I actually think it's my favorite point of view to write in (though, of course, it would be a bit of a challenge to really write a novel in it). I'm all about increasing the number of second-person stories here! :)
I'm normally not a fan of Harry/Ginny, but writing them here felt right. And again, I'm so glad it worked for you! Thank you for reviewing this for me, and for saying such complimentary things. I hope to see you around very soon! ♥ Report Review
Hi, Rachel! Sorry it's taken me so long to get here!
I'm so happy you request a second person narrative. When this style is done well (and of course with you it is) it's such an awesome treat to read.
I think you chose very well with the second person. It would have been too hectic in first moving back and forth, and wouldn't have pulled me in the same way. Similar with third, I would have felt too much like an outsider on these very private moments. I'm curious to read Coming Home now as well..
I absolutely love the sense of restlessness you have in this one shot. Nothing is how it should be for these two, and even though they realize that it doesn't make it any easier. Harry is put into mortal danger every hour of every day. Neither of them know, though of course they try not to think like this, if they'll ever actually see one another again. That was captured so well with this piece. Ginny's thoughts about wishing that Harry would have taken her, about feeling like he chose her specifically to leave behind, might have been my favorite part. It added so much depth to this character that I've always found flat, and it's just such a human emotion. Ginny is far too often portrayed as being this super human girl whose never upset, and when she is upset it's this awesome fiery temper... but just that hurt that we can gather through her thoughts about feeling like she was left behind absolutely makes this story for me.
Your stylistic choice to blend their stories closer and closer, move them into a more private moment in time. Even if they aren't any closer physically than they were at the start of this one shot, they feel so much closer because of the intimate emotions they aren't even aware that they're sharing.
I think you also did an awesome job using details small enough to capture their own personalities, but still keeping the voices similar enough to blend together. Harry understands Hermione and Ron's closeness, and isn't bitter for it. Ginny understands why Harry couldn't take her with him, but still isn't happy about it. Harry wants to comfort Ginny, and pretends he is while trying to comfort his own heart. Ginny needs to comfort herself, and hopes for Harry. Then the very end with the powerful mixture of them becoming so close that they are nearly thinking of one another at the exact same time.. Harry prays to see her again, and Ginny doesn't let the thought of not seeing him again cross her mind. Instead she reassures herself it will be all right. I think that last part absolutely tied it all perfectly together for me.
This was a really gorgeous one shot, my dear. Your style was completely gorgeous and flawless. Thank you so much for requesting it!
Jami ♥Author's Response: No apologies are necessary, Jami! ♥ Honestly, the fact you're willing to review at all is fantastic in and of itself. And you've said such lovely things, too!
I love writing in second person, and I'm really pleased that you thought it worked here. :) It's one of my favorites, actually, and I'm with you -- when it's done well, it's fabulous.
Many people have commented on the sense of restlessness, actually! And it's not something I've consciously put in there, but I'm actually really glad it got across to so many people. The idea to write a one-shot where Harry and Ginny are separated is one that's been in my head for years, and I wrote a Ron/Hermione story that was nearly identical to this stylistically; having had so much fun with that, I decided to bring those two things together into this little story. I'm not huge on Harry/Ginny in general (I've always found Ginny a bit flat, too) but here I enjoyed it!
I love your little analysis of the differences between Harry and Ginny's voices, too, as well as their similarities. Although, like I said, I don't really like Harry and Ginny so much as a couple, what I found in writing this story was that they have a pretty solid foundation for a relationship, despite my dislike of it. They're both practiced in patience, and in trusting one another, and I think it's important. (I speak out of conjecture, of course, as I'm well on the way to being a cat lady for the rest of my life.)
You're so sweet! ♥ Gah, I can't get over how nice you are about this entire thing! I'm so, so happy you enjoyed this -- and your compliments really mean so much to me. ♥ Thank YOU for reviewing!! Report Review
OMG! Rachel this is just amazing! I so can't do this style of writing, and by that I mean I can't write it not read it because here you did such a wonderful job with this! I love the way you told this, between the two of them and thinking of each other and their thoughts being in sync with each other! I just loved this oneshot, I really did! I think as always, with your work, I will have to favorite this because its so good! I thought the characterization of the two is done wonderfullly though with you it always is! I loved the description and the flow and how you flitted back and forth between Ginny and Harry! I love how this is during the war while he is away and she is stuck in school, I thought it was a wonderful setting for this story line! I really enjoyed this piece! Great Job!
~Slytherinchica08~Author's Response: Thank you so much! :) I'm normally not a fan of Harry/Ginny, as I might have told you at some point... but here I actually really did enjoy writing their pairing. I used a similar style as I did in "Coming Home," which I think you also read, and I returned to it here solely because I enjoyed writing it so much the first time.
Writing a story where Harry and Ginny are separated is actually a pretty old idea of mine. A long time ago, when I'd just started writing LO, and wasn't nearly so active on the forums or archives, I had a list of little ideas (most of which I've learned are massively overdone) and this was one of them. It makes me really happy to hear you liked it!
These responses aren't doing your reviews nearly enough justice, of course. ♥ I'm very bad at responses. But really, just thank you so much for taking the time to leave your opinions on my stories -- it seriously means so, so much! Report Review
I loved this one-shot! I really like when you write in this style, and it would be interesting to see it done with less popular pairings, who don't have as many stories written about them. I think you captured Harry and Ginny really well, and this gives us a good sense of the type of relationship they have. To me, it was always obvious how much they really loved each other, but they showed it in a softer, less mushy way than some couples. It's a really intense bond, too, and we really get that from this story. Overall, this was fantastic, and I really enjoyed reading it! 10/10
Cassie :)Author's Response: Ohh, thank you so much! I love writing in this style -- it's one of my favorites on my page -- and I honestly just over the moon that someone else feels the same way. ♥ I think I might write more pairing one-shots like this, with two points of view that converge into one. It could be like a little series! Something to think about, really...
I'm not a huge fan of the Harry/Ginny pairing, but somehow, I can stand them when they're apart. Which sounds awful, but it kind of goes along with what you said: It's real and honest, and much less mushy than some ships, which I like. I'm very honored, actually, to have those words in relation to a story of mine, because in my opinion THAT is what romance should be. It's not softness, love; it's strength.
You are fantastic. ♥ And I honestly sometimes cannot believe that you're still here, on my author's page, continuing to leave me such wonderful reviews! It really does mean the world to me. Thank you so much! Report Review
I have to say that you probably write one of the most spot on Harry's that I've read lately, throughout all of your work. I typically avoid reading anything that was actually set in the Hogwarts era for that reason alone, because so many people just cannot get him down into something that I can read without being bothered, but reading this is just as natural as reading the books. That's incredible. Also, not the biggest fan of reading Harry/Ginny, but I really think that you did the ship justice in this piece.Author's Response: That compliment about writing Harry spot-on is one of the absolute best things I can ever remember hearing in a review. ♥ Harry is one of my favorite characters to write, and hearing that someone thinks I do it well -- the feeling I get from that is indescribable! I agree with you that a lot of people, quite frankly, butcher his character. I'm not the biggest fan of Harry/Ginny myself, but for some reason, for the story I wanted to tell, their pairing worked.
But anyway. Seriously, this review just made my entire month -- and you left me 18 others besides! Thank you so, so much!! Report Review
This is lovely! That struck me from the beginning, which I expected because you wrote it, yet I didn't expect because it's about Harry and Ginny, about whom I rarely read, not willingly at least. The way that you pull readers into the characters' minds with the second person narration is highly effective - the first person wouldn't have worked for this, though I can't explicitly say why. There's something gentler about the narration here that suits the content and style of the rest. The language and imagery are all soft, a moment of quiet in a time of war, and the softer sound of "you" enhances the tone in a way that the higher-pitched "I" could not.
I have no idea if any of that made sense. Needless to say that I enjoyed this one-shot very much. The style of it, with the back-and-forth between Harry and Ginny, put me in the mind of the romantic duets from movie-musicals. My mind practically sung the last few lines of this story! (I visualized the whole thing rather like "Somewhere Out There" from An American Tail. *hides*) It adds to the magic of this story, as does the sort-of innocence of both characters. They love each other without question, and they're able to experience that love from afar through a powerful connection that nothing could break. I've never thought of these two characters in that way, but your story makes me see their relationship anew and appreciate it more than before.
Another stylistic feature that stood out to me was how you distinguished their separate points of view. I worried at the first POV change that they sounded too much alike, but when I looked closer, I saw that Harry's descriptions focused more on nature and included more poetic imagery while Ginny's are based more in the practical and man-made. This could have been caused by their respective locations, but even when Harry thinks about Ginny, his thoughts based in the sensory, from the scent of flowers to the feeling of her hands. I love the part when Ginny steps in the orderly patches of moonlight, or when she sees the frost as lace - she experiences the world very differently from Harry, in a far more Weasley-ish way. Those subtle differences were brilliant to see - you must have taken great care with this story. It feels like every word and image contributes to the wondrous whole you've created.
Wow. I didn't mean for this review to become quite so long, but there was so much to talk about! This is a fantastic one-shot! Every time I read one of your stories, I'm astounded by what you can do with words. ^_^Author's Response: What a lovely surprise to see you over this way! I have to admit that seeing your name in my list of unanswered reviews brought such a smile to my face; I value your opinion highly, as I'm sure you know by now. :)
One of the more ironic things about this piece is that I don't really like Harry/Ginny as a pairing, and so don't normally willingly read them myself. But I wanted to do another story in the style of "Coming Home," and I've actually had an idea (for years and years, now I come to think on it -- about three?) to write a story about Harry and Ginny when they're separated, as opposed to being together. What can I say? I'm a bit of a sucker for tragic romance.
I've come to find that I adore writing in second person, which isn't something a lot of writers do. (Maybe that's why I enjoy it -- who knows?) I'm so pleased that you liked the style of it! And I'm really never one for overdoing romance, either; all that sappy, romantic-comedy stuff that one finds so often in fan fiction is wasted on me. I'm about realism, and in real life, not everything end happily ever after, you know? Here, things are in the balance; Harry truly doesn't know if he's ever going to see Ginny again, and it's just a small, canon-compliant snapshot of those thoughts.
I'm so glad you picked up on that! I mentioned it briefly in the story -- but Harry's learned to appreciate things like that from Ginny, things like nature and the moon and what have you. It's somewhat romanticized, I think, but it's a reflection of her in his mindset. And the opposite's true, too: Ginny's practical and forward-thinking and action-driven in her sections, just as Harry is while on the hunt for Horcruxes.
I am speechless. Flabbergasted. You know the drill. Thank you so, so much for stopping by and reviewing this little story for me! I can't even begin to tell you how appreciated it is. ♥ You're fantastic, Susan!! Report Review
Hello! teh tarik here with your requested review :)
This is a really lovely Harry/Ginny oneshot! There's that idea of two lovers separated by distance but looking up at the same moon in the same night, and while this is a concept which may be somewhat overused in romance stories, your piece captured my interest with its lovely language, beautiful imagery, and profound exploration of the characters' emotional states.
These are some of my favourite descriptive lines:
Dark shapes of leaves on trees prevent you from seeing it in its entirety, like tiny wings of butterflies against the vision of the world.
The edges of it are fringed in delicate frost, like lacework edging. You reach forward and push; the window gives easily, and a cold wind blows in through the small crack.
There is lovely attention to detail, and a great sense of fragility to the descriptive prose, which sort of does underline Harry and Ginny's thinly held-together relationship and their current life situations. I also particularly liked the part where Ginny sees the black paint on the walls "wishing him luck"; this moment sort of takes the reader outside of Ginny's head for awhile and subtly drops in moments of context of the situation in Hogwarts. Great job.
The use of second person POV does flow nicely and is unforced, so well done for that. Initially I had reservations about the italicised Ginny's POV suddenly cutting in out of nowhere; the shift was a bit sudden and it did disrupt the flow a little as there was no clue that there was going to be a second character's voice in the narrative preceding that part. I was at first going to suggest that you separate Ginny's voice by something more than italics - perhaps using extra space or asterisks and segmenting the story a little more. But then I read your ending and saw that you were trying to merge the two POVs together, and I suppose it does make sense blending them together from the beginning. I would suggest that you reword the start of Ginny's POV (or the ending of Harry's first POV segment) in order to soften the disruption and to make the transition smoother. But maybe that's just me - so it's up to you, really.
And now, the ending. The ending was gorgeous, and the merging of Harry and Ginny's POVs was a lovely stylistic feature and pretty much seamless. Your story ends with a strong sense of hope, and I don't think you could have written a better ending. The end also ties nicely with an earlier sentence: You lay your hand to your chest, as though it might do some good, and pretend that you are comforting her as well.
This is done remarkably well; great work on that!
One thing I'd look out for: you've described things (the weather, the stones, the air etc.) as being "cold" many times. I think the reader will know and remember the "coldness" of the setting and atmosphere etc. the first few times, so the repetition of "cold" is not really needed.
OK, to wrap up: great work on this story! Your prose, imagery and narrative style are wonderful and aesthetically pleasing, and your characters display a poignant moment of vulnerability and I like the detail you've gone into to explore this moment. Great work; I really enjoyed reading and thanks for requesting at my thread :)
Hope I've been helpful and not too critical or anything.
-tehAuthor's Response: Thank you for being willing to review this for me -- and with such an in-depth review, too! That is just fantastic. :)
The description was definitely something I went after intentionally, and I'm so glad that it worked for you. I always put quite a bit of description in my stories; I don't think I sit down and set out to do it, but that's how it always turns out, you know? And that bit about the paint on the wall -- I always try and make my stories as realistic as possible, and where I can, to ground them into canon.
As for the switching points of view, it's something I did in an earlier one-shot (where Ron and Hermione were the focal characters, and Hermione's side was in italics), so I think I'l leave it as is. :3 But I can see your side! I'll see if I can reword that a bit, perhaps. I'm always one for making the reader work a bit, though -- handing out everything on a silver platter's not my way! ;)
I love writing endings like that, though. "Coming Home" had one of those as well, and I just really liked the way it worked, two points of view basically melding to be one. I'm so happy you thought it was cool, too! ♥
Thank you again for being willing to leave me a review on this. It really does mean a lot to me, and your review was wonderful! Hoping to see you back here quite soon! :3 Report Review
This is lovely, I could really feel the emotions. The love, fear, pain, the cold, determination. There were a few spelling errors, like 'it' instead of 'is' and vice versa, and 'instent' instead of 'instant' small things easily fixed. Being in long distant relationships' suck, I know, but to have danger involved with it is way worse. I felt all of it through your writing. Great job, and happy 1st review!
Oh, and this is the first story I've read on here in a few months now... I can't believe it's been that long, but it was nice reading something so well done coming back :)Author's Response: Hey -- thank you so much for being the first to review this story for me! :) That really does mean a lot, that you were willing to do that. And I'm glad that you enjoyed the story, too! Emotions are something that I work hard to convey in writing (along, of course, with many other things), and to hear that I've managed at, at least to one person, is really gratifying.
Thank you for catching those spelling errors, too! I did catch one "it/is" mistake (and I'm always making that one), though I think you might have confused "insistent" with "instant." No worries, of course!
I'm very honored to have been your first homecoming review, as it were. :3 Again -- really. I'm so happy to have a review from you! Thank you again! ♥ Report Review
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