I loved reading about this moment: the sense of responsibility that James felt and the sense of betrayal that Severus was feeling while putting the pieces of his mystery together.
It's a good thing that Dumbledore showed up when he did. I don't think the boys would have gotten out of there alive if he hadn't. And it probably wouldn't have been the werewolf's fault either.
The opening of this chapter is very strong. Strong sense of danger, intrigue and mystery. Strong sense of something going very wrong and someone desperately trying to fix it. You pulled me effortlessly into this story.
Great first chapter!Author's Response: Oh yes James knew that he needed to be the one who saved the day after what Sirius had done.
It is definately a good thing that Dumbledore showed up when he did, otherwise there would have been a big fight between James and Severus, and you're right the werewolf would have probably found a way to get to them.
I'm so glad that you enjoyed the start of this story, thank you so much for your kind words. I hope that you continue reading my story.
Thank you for reading and reviewing! Report Review
I like your banner of this story , I enjoyed chapter1. I like your way to describe emotional shifting of James.Author's Response: Thank you, I made it myself so I'm glad that you liked it. Also I'm so happy that you like chapter one and how I portrayed James, I hope that you continue reading. Report Review
I just saw your response to my review to your last chapter and it would be great if you can check out my story.
I liked the chapter. Two of my favorite parts was when Remus made the 'antler gesture' to Sirius to let him know James was on his way and the end part when James refers to Sirius as if they were still friends (even though they are still fighting).
I am glad the chapter ended with James deciding he is going to forgive Sirius. I hope we get to see the mending their friendship and how James approaches it. It is the one thing I would like more of is, Sirius and James interaction, but it is your story obviously and up to you.
I also liked your characterization of Peter. Update soon!Author's Response: Yes I will definately check out your story and leave a review :D I'm so glad that you came back and read more chapters.
I'm so happy that you pointed that out, I was so worried that noone would get that reference at all. Poor Sirius and James, they can't be mad at each other for long so the next chapter will be them talking.
I shall update soon I promise :D
Thank you for reading and reviewing :D Report Review
This was a cute chapter. I liked the end where James still acted like Sirius was there. I also like the friendship between Lily and Remus. It's sweet and I think it's perfect for James too. I look forward to the next chapter. Keep up the good work. :)Author's Response: Thank you, I'm so glad that you liked this chapter and thank you for your sweet words :D The next chapter shall be out soon, I'm just writing the next chapter of my Louis/OC so it'll be out after that one. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. Report Review
I was a little worried reading this story because I am writing a story about this same incident, but I'm several months past 'the prank' and it is published on this website already to that point, so I don't have to worry about accidentally stealing an idea of yours.
I am enjoying your story. I've always been so interested in the Whomping Willow prank. It is interesting that though Sirius was the one who started this all by telling Snape how to get past the tree, you haven't told us his point of view yet. The chapters so far have been from the point of view of other characters. I'm curious if we will see Sirius's pov or if you have chosen to purposely not tell us exactly what he was thinking.
I did feel this chapter was a little choppy. I think it might be because it jumps from Peter in the hospital wing to Marlene and then Lily (and some of the parts were short). There were also some spelling/grammatically errors, but story was still readable.
I'm excited to see what happens next! Update soon!Author's Response: Oh wow go us!! :D Haha I don't think either of us have to worry, we can each do our own take of it and I'll have to take a read and give a review to yours :D
I'm glad that you're enjoying my story (I'm sorry for how long it's taken me to reply to this lovely review)
I'm going to be going back over my chapter and editing it, I've noticed a few errors myself that I need to change.
Thank you so much for reading my story, I can't wait to read yours xx Report Review
James is angry :o Loved your description here - "And that stupid puppy dog look in your eyes is only making me even angrier at you." Poor Sirius.
I'm wondering right along with Peter about what Remus is going to think of Sirius' actions, and how you're going to resolve the rift in Sirius and James' friendship. Poor Sirius again, because he is in an extremely awkward situation with having to share a dormitory with the both of them, one of who fervently wishes to give him a good punch.
I did find this one sentence beginning "Lily Evans watched the stairs leading to the dormitory..." a bit distracting, because it goes on for a bit too long and could maybe do with breaking up in your next edit.
Otherwise, I'm extremely glad that you haven't made Peter out to be an unlikable little sod because of what will happen in the future - because it would just be unrealistic for the rest of the Marauders to friends with him if he's acting like a cowardly, disloyal git!
:-)Author's Response: Oh yes, James is very angry. I do feel slightly sorry for Sirius although it made sense for him to try and use his puppy dog look to get sympathy.
Remus's reaction to everything will be in the next chapter, which I hope you read as well :D
Ah thank you for pointing that out :D I shall edit that.
I hate when people make out Peter to be unlikeable, I wanted to portray him as how I assumed James, Sirius and Remus would see him and why they were friends with him, so you liking it has made me really happy.
Thank you once again for reading and reviewing my story :D Report Review
Firstly, I love that you've gone straight into the action with this first chap - "James Potter was running as though his life depended on it." Yep, got my attention.
There's not a lot of speech in this first section, which I actually didn't mind because you've included so much of James' thoughts. I like way you've portrayed James and Sirius' friendship here, even though Sirius is not in this chapter. Putting aside James' thought that Sirius is responsible for the resulting shenanigans and all of his scrapes and bruises, he still "fixes his mistake", because that's what friends do. James describing a situation that could easily get someone killed as Sirius' "act of stupidity" seemed a little funny to me, because rather than condemn Sirius he has pulled out a massive understatement, which I can easily imagine is a language the two mischievous friends are fully conversant in.
I particularly liked this sentence - "This was meant to be a secret until Sirius started blabbing his mouth off to Severus Snape who was once again sticking his big nose into things that weren't his concern." - because it was the moment that I realised that you were writing about the time Sirius sent Snape down to the Shrieking Shack, and because it reminded me of Mr Moony's insult of Snape on the Marauder's Map :-)
There's just a couple of sentence structure things I noticed that could be fixed in your next edit. This one - "The Whomping Willow was aptly named as it hit anything that came anywhere near it with its long swinging branches, was planted in the school grounds when James had begun school." - may read better if you begin 'The Whomping Willow, aptly named...' etc and 'life's' in the second sentence would read better as 'lives'.
Just heading on over to your next chap :-)Author's Response: Thank you :D I'm glad that you liked that part, I was hoping that the sentence would capture people's attention so I'm happy that it worked.
Wow, I don't even know how to reply to this wonderful review haha. I'm so happy that you like James's reactions and think that he's behaving like a friend would.
I'm so excited that you picked up on that, I was worried that noone would but I'm so happy that you did :D
Thank you for pointing them out, I was going to go back and edit it over, I took a read of it the other day and made a note of what to change so I'll add those to my list :D
I'm so glad that you're enjoying this story and thank you so much for the wonderful review! Report Review
I like it so far. It's a good start. Keep it up. :)Author's Response: Thank you, I'm so glad that you're enjoying this :D Report Review
I really am enjoying this story and its adherence to the cannon. I'm also glad lily doesn't seem to ""hats" James, like in so many other stories. Even jkr said she never hated him. I'm really looking forward to seeing how you continue.Author's Response: I'm so glad that you like this, I'm trying to stay as true to canon as possible so I'm glad that you think it's staying that way. I really hope you continue to read this story, and I can't wait to see what you think of the other chapters. Report Review
can't wait for the next part!! xAuthor's Response: It's up now! :D Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection