69 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Pixileanin Back to Hogwarts

30th August 2015:
Hi Kenny. Back for another chapter.

Wow, the plot really took off in this chapter. Harry and Ron apprehended someone who has inside information and they're taking him to Hogwarts. It should be a sweet homecoming.

I was slightly surprised that the Aurors didn't know what a Pensieve is, but then it makes sense that Dumbledore would have the most advanced magical artifacts, since he's so old and wise. It's nice to see that the other Aurors are willing to learn new things.

I loved seeing Neville as an assistant to the professor. He's one of my favorite characters. I also loved the lead-in you created for finding the Perverell boy. I would never have guessed that Harry would run into someone so important during the Quidditch tryouts. Now I want to know what the significance of the character is. I guess I'll have to keep reading.

There was one bit of description that I really loved above all the others.

"The Hall echoed with bright laughter and talk and the clatter of knives and forks."

It captured the entire feast in one line.

Also, I am very curious about Draco now. We didn't see him this chapter, but everyone says that he's changed. I'm sure that's coming up soon.

Until next time!

Pix

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Review #2, by TidalDragon Father and Son

30th August 2015:
I've made it to the end of this one. I'm still blown away at how you write so many chapters, Kenny. It's incredibly impressive.

Anyway, the only drawback I saw to this chapter was that it ends rather abruptly. Given some of what's been alluded to in this story, I certainly get the sense it will be picked up in later pieces you've written, but it just felt a little odd to end here so quickly.

I thought it was a nice touch that you had Harry connecting with the next generation of students though. He was a bit tough on Andrew earlier before knowing him really and his story, and while he did deserve a reprimand, it was difficult to feel that it was ENTIRELY down to that given Harry's expressions of (at least) irritation that the boy seemed to be attracted to Ginny. Let's hope someone so young doesn't become a real threat - I think that would be a reach. But coming back around to my original point, I thought it was nice how you then brought Harry back to sit down and not only justify himself, but try to understand Andrew and his background and who he is. It shows much more maturity from Harry than we get to see often, but I thought it was nice too because it's one of the first opportunities Harry has had to truly deal with someone who was also on orphan (besides Voldemort, who was obviously bent on killing him).

All in all, this was an intriguing read that I think gives us plenty of background on your conception of the characters to build up future stories centered on them and these characterizations.

Thanks for sharing!

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Review #3, by TidalDragon Snitch Catch

30th August 2015:
Before I forget, one minor thing - try to avoid this type of usage "cabin of Hagrid." Unless there is a reason for the speaker to be so formal, most readers would expect this possessive form: "Hagrid's cabin." I know you're trying to improve writing in English, so I figured I'd just offer this little tip.

Now back to the story! Revisiting the events on the Isle of Skye with Hagrid reminded me of something from that chapter - Avada Kedavra (per GOF) is actually unblockable by magic (aside from Prior Incantatem and "love magic" like Lily).

ANYWAY - I liked that you continued on with the interlude from the action here, which gave us a chance to see some new faces along with old as well as some old faces in new situations. What I thought was clever was the way that you used a joint Quidditch practice to address "revenge prejudice" against Slytherins and the dinner with Slughorn being ostensibly to recruit Harry as an opportunity for Ginny to meet Gwenog Jones. Those were neat moves and I found the last one to be particularly clever. I'm hoping we'll see more of the dinner in the final chapter to confirm that or hear something about it that will do so.

The last thing I want to mention was the originality of your animagus transformation. There's nothing really to say (other than basic transfiguration laws) what fuels that process and I thought it was interesting you made it similar to casting a patronus in that positive thoughts can be helpful. I wonder...did you mean for them to be necessary as with a patronus or simply helpful (like a positive frame of mind generally increasing your likelihood of success with most things)? Just wondering since I've never seen anyone actually write about it that way (or honestly write about LEARNING to become an animagus at all).

On to the final installment!

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Review #4, by TidalDragon A Reason for Living

30th August 2015:
My favorite thing about this chapter was that it showed some vulnerability in Harry. What we haven't had a lot of in the story so far (and this is not a criticism, just an observation), is an opportunity to examine the heavy impact of the war on the major characters. While there have been some scenes dealing with it, by and large, the demands of keeping society afloat and catching the criminals who are still at large has taken precedence in terms of both time and attention. But even in those times, there would have to be moments like in this chapter, where even the strongest characters have doubts.

I also liked (surprise, surprise) that you pulled back the curtain on what's going on with Harry and Ginny. Though I know pairings aren't central to your story at all, I think it's a good thing to explore both for readership (because let's be honest, readers always want to know what's up with the couples) and also authenticity because part of recovering from the war is also discovering where people fit into each other's lives - if the old feelings and relationships still work or not.

I'm interested to see what the last two chapters have in store for us...

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Review #5, by TidalDragon Undercover

29th August 2015:
I have returned!

Now we're getting into the real intrigue with the various plot points coming together and the scheme being revealed more fully chapter by chapter. It's obvious from reading this piece straight through that you put a lot of time and care into laying out the plot progression and various elements to keep certain things hidden until their proper moment.

Here it worked out well because we were then left wondering scene-to-scene what would happen with Draco and Lucius's loyalties. I'm not surprised by their decision given the state of the wizarding world and their political, self-serving natures, but it was still a challenge perhaps in the moment for them.

You've left us on something of a cliffhanger here though, so I'm going to race on to the next chapter so I can see what happens next.

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Review #6, by TidalDragon Mentor

29th August 2015:
Howdy Kenny!

For a change of pace, this time around I'll kick things off with plot. I like this development around the Mark and the nightmares and a possible revenge plot. I think that's a very realistic likelihood assuming any Death Eaters remained at large following the Battle of Hogwarts. The Lestranges would be a family that would have particular interest as well because their anger is multiplied by Bellatrix's death.

On the other hand, the manner of discovering the content of the nightmares and thus the plot felt, for me, like a reach. Certainly Harry is a powerful wizard. Certainly wandless magic is possible. And certainly he could take something away from having navigated Voldemort's mind after discovering the connection that might help him with legilimency. But per canon, Harry was generally AWFUL at occlumency and as you've set up with the book, the two being quite interconnected, I find it hard to accept he would not just succeed the first time, but so immediately pinpoint precisely what he was looking for in the sea of Malfoy's mind. And wandlessly to boot. If you came back and made it a bit more of a challenge, in addition to boosting realism, I think you could also give yourself and opportunity to show off some of that great description we've seen in earlier chapters by immersing us in the tumultuous experience of trying to get in (and if he does, struggling to focus or find anything specific). Just some food for thought.

See you in Chapter 9!

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Review #7, by TidalDragon The Potions Master

29th August 2015:
Hello again, Kenny! I intended to return earlier in the week, but was unfortunately delayed.

The main thing I'd say about this chapter from a writing perspective is to proofread when you come back. You nailed a lot of the language earlier in the chapter, but when certain words were revisited typos emerged.

Mechanically, I think a lot of what I've said before applies, though this chapter being a bit longer made it slightly more apparent. You have a talent for slipping in nice nods to facial expressions, body language, etc. that some authors miss, but because of the line-to-line transitions it doesn't stand out as much or make quite the impact on the reader that I think it could.

As far as plot goes, I think you're continuing to cultivate this really interesting atmosphere post-War where there have been so many casualties and wizarding society is still so unstable that they have a desperate need for younger people from around Harry's time at Hogwarts to step up in a lot of places and multi-task, even as students to help paper over gaps and ensure their world keeps on functioning as it needs to. Well done with that.

I'm on to Chapter 8!

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Review #8, by Pixileanin The First Training Week

29th August 2015:
Ah, there is mystery here. Let's see what we've got. I am immediately suspicious of Romilda and her batting eyelashes. She should get that checked out. It's no good to have dusty eyelashes, very unhealthy and it could damage her eyes long term.

No, but seriously. What is up with her? At first I thought she and Blaise were trying to kidnap Harry for some reason, but then it was only lunch and he brought Ron along, and then the whole bit with Ginny needing to protect Ron... and then Romilda with her eye problem again. Either she has a misplaced crush, or she's got something else sinister going on.

I still don't trust her.

I liked the training sequence, and the clever use of different spells, not just fighting spells, for them to solve their problems. The animagus thing came up again, which I am curious about. In your story, do all the Aurors learn how to be animagi? That would be a cool twist.

Your mystery deepens, and the characters progress.

Pix

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Review #9, by Pixileanin Auror Headquarters

28th August 2015:
Kenny!


Team Gold!

Onwards.

Haha, the snitch alarm clock sounds really awesome, and Iím tickled that itís a present from George. You have thought out a lot of small details in this story that just make it come alive. I like the image of Harry surrounding himself with things that are gifts from his friends, like a protection against the outside world. It makes him secure. Nice.

Ah, interesting bit about Aberforth. I like that inclusion. Iím glad that Harry will see someone familiar that can hopefully guide himÖ or did you have something else in mindÖ no no, donít tell me. I like to be surprised.

Wow, okay. Now that Iíve heard Lavendarís voice in the lift several times, Iím thinking it might not really be her. I mean, is she in the lift with them, or is it just her voice? Because itís kinda creepy with her voice being there without her, announcing all the floors.

So Harryís an Auror now. Excitement. Intrigue. Lunch.

Back later!

Pix

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Review #10, by TidalDragon Back to Hogwarts

26th August 2015:
Huzzah! I got some of my Harry/Ginny fix in this chapter which is always a good thing. I enjoyed their in-person reunion after some time away. A little awkwardness, but a lot of attraction and emotion. I will say in terms of characterization that I thought Ginny came off a bit more damsel-ish with blushing over Harry's shirtless body and letting him have influence over the tryouts, but that's something that if it's balanced out later could be attributed back to a lot of things. Just food for thought.

As far as the rest goes, I think you're doing a good job planting more of the seeds for change and what you want this story to become. With six chapters left I'm going to be interested to watch and see how those nuggets will be resolved or IF they will be in this story, or in future ones (since I know almost all your stories connect in some way and this is - I believe - merely the first chronologically).

I have to go to sleep for now, but I'll be back to hopefully review the other half tomorrow and a couple more of your stories to boot.

Thanks for sharing this with us, Kenny!

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Review #11, by TidalDragon The First Training Week

26th August 2015:
Well, well. You tricked and then un-tricked us with that Romilda Vane bit. I thought I had her pegged before she introduced Blaise to the lunch, but in the end she was right back to her old games of trying to flirt with and "win" Harry. I'm glad nothing came of it in the end. I think that much would've been too easy and too soon. As a more minor point, if she's going to be doing plenty of flirting, I'd also consider varying what she does. Batting her eyelashes is certainly fitting, and even obvious, which suits her character even more perhaps. But at the same time, it can't be her only move, so I'd think up some others.

One thing I was confused about in the early assignment (which demonstrated Harry's dedication nicely - I don't remember him ever getting so caught up in a book since Snape's old potions text) was that I had thought at first they were ordered to make the catch WITHOUT wands, but everything they did proceeded with them. Perhaps I read it wrong, and if so, disregard, but otherwise I'd tweak that early phrase so it matches up with what happens.

On to Chapter 6 for me!

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Review #12, by TidalDragon Auror Headquarters

26th August 2015:
While this chapter was a bit a slower and more transparent, I felt that it served its purposes well: (1) getting us to the next stage of development and (2) setting up some interesting new elements that readers wouldn't have expected going forward - like Romilda Vane, Blaise Zabini, and some other minor characters being among the first class of Auror trainees.

One thing I liked about their introduction as well was the way you used it as an opportunity to remind people who may have questioned some of the other choices initially of exactly what they've been through - also a reminder to us as FF writers that we too often forget the specific losses and sacrifices of others when we write in this era.

Now that you've injected this elements, I'll be intrigued to see how you use them and what purpose they ultimately serve to the story.

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Review #13, by TidalDragon Eighteenth Birthday and Independence

26th August 2015:
The story is definitely growing now, and I like how you're letting it take a fairly natural progression, not having "too much" happen too soon (at least not in the focal part of the story).

My favorite part of this chapter was the way that you expanded on your use in the previous one of the weather or nature as an indicator of mood or for foreshadowing.

I also give you credit for sticking to Head Girl Hermione and Quidditch Captain Ginny. A lot of people give authors a lot of stick for giving them those two roles post-War, but I think it really ignores the reality that they're easily the best choices for the roles. It's one of the things I think people often ignore about CERTAIN cliches - they CAN be used so frequently because they ARE plausible. It's just up to the author to carry them off effectively. Given your creativity thus far in this story, I don't think you'll find that an insurmountable challenge and I'm looking forward to see how both develop in their roles.

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Review #14, by TidalDragon Reconstruction and Funeral

26th August 2015:
Hello again!

So, to piggyback off my last, I think it was really telling that my favorite parts of your chapter here were those that were more introspective or descriptive. The large paragraph where Harry feeds Buckbeak was the first example, but the best one to me was actually simpler, shorter, and more subtle. This line: "Harry stood there and looked up at the sky. A breeze began to blow over the hill." In that moment, that single line said more than any dialogue was ever capable of - keep that in mind.

I want to underscore however that this doesn't mean there's anything wrong with your dialogue. Though tags and structure are areas to think about, the points you have the characters express are good ones and the interactions you choose are wise and not "easy" ones. Lord knows you tackled Hagrid, who I'm still afraid of writing.

What I liked most about this chapter though was the constant contrast you developed between creation and death, burial and rebirth. It was a great theme to carry through at this point in the story.

On to Chapter 3 for me!

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Review #15, by TidalDragon Life Still Goes On

26th August 2015:
Howdy Kenny! I'm here for both GryCReMo and to pay you the reviews I owe you from the House Cup!

I want to start by saying I like the premise of this story and the tweaks you've made, like Harry actually starting his Auror training at Hogwarts. While it's a deviation from canon, I think it present a lot of opportunities to explore some emotions and character dynamics in a different way. Kudos for taking it on, while still meshing with the concept of Harry training as an Auror that year.

As far as mechanics go, there are two things I'd examine if you're looking for ways to improve the chapter. First, I'd be careful with the balance of dialogue and other components (like description and inner thought). While it's not a universal thing, I've found that the most engrossing stories tend to have a balance (on the whole) of around 60-40 dialogue-others. Though that number can change from chapter-to-chapter or depending on how many characters are involved with the story itself, I think it's a pretty solid general rule to make sure you get plot progress, reader involvement, and depth.
Second, I'd look at sentence structure (particularly with dialogue) to make sure you're not always hitting similar lengths, tags, order, etc.

All in all though I'm interested to see how this story develops and what unique changes your tweaks wreak on our heroes.

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Review #16, by Pixileanin Eighteenth Birthday and Independence

26th August 2015:
Hi Kenny. Onwards with the story!

So there are so many little details peppered throughout this chapter. The whole thing felt like setup for what is to come. It's like everyone's getting ready for things to start up and there are so many things to get done. I felt all the preparations and the business, and through all of it I could also feel the family tenderness that is the Weasleys. You didn't have to spend words on how they felt for each other, because their actions did it for you. I particularly was interested in the mirrors, which we see in the books, but you made them unique, being aboriginal mirrors, so that was cool. Also, the names of the Auror books were fascinating. Having someone go to Gringotts for Harry was very thoughtful. I bet only a Weasley would be able to convince the goblins that they were allowed to take Harry's gold for him.

I really liked the descriptions in the Joke Shop and how George was branching out into potions brewing. I agree. He'd better get a Potions Master in there if he's going to be mucking about with that stuff. I liked how you alluded to Snape and Slughorn. I always wondered what happened to Slughorn after the war.

It's interesting that Harry was so fixated on having someone live with him. I understand that he'd want someone around. Andromeda and Teddy were an interesting choice for that. I remember you had written a while ago how Harry had promised Teddy that he would be around for him. I guess that had something to do with it. IT would feel like a family and ground Harry if they were around the house with him. It also eases Molly's mind, knowing that another older adult had eyes on young man Harry during his fresh adulthood. I can tell that he takes this godfather thing seriously and that family is important to him, also that he doesn't want to be a burden to the Weasleys, even though they'd never call him a burden ever.

Alright, so he's all set to go to Auror training. I feel the pull to the next chapter, but I'm going to have to come back when I have more time.

Pix

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Review #17, by Pixileanin Reconstruction and Funeral

23rd August 2015:
Hi Kenny,

Red Vs Gold Review Battle!!

I thought I'd take a look at this story, which has a lot of chapters to it. You've got a nice start to this reconstruction story. I think you took great care to cover a lot of recovery, not missing anything important from the end of the battle. I like how Harry, Ron and Hermione have a physical reminder of the final battle to share. That seems like a good connection between the three of them.

Ginny and Harry's reconciliation went very smoothly, but it still packed an emotional punch. I have read how some authors like to draw that out and make it a complicated thing, but I can tell that wasn't your intention here, there's a different story to tell. Good job making it both meaningful and short. That's hard to do.

I also thought your take on the funerals was really great. You definitely hit on all the important deceased, including Snape. I liked how you had Ron question his inclusion at the funeral, and how Harry was thinking he'd have to explain things again to everyone. That will be a sore subject that not everyone will accept right away.

I loved how you gave Harry a bit of time with Remus and Tonks, and how he took his time to see baby Teddy. That was a nice touch.

I am enjoying your dialogue here. It sounds so natural, even the accents of Hagrid, and everyone seems to have their own voice. You've captured that really well from the books. I have trouble juggling a large cast of characters when I write, and I try very hard to give them their own voices. You did that here, and it read very well.

I'm intrigued to find out how the reconciliation with Hermione's parents went. A lot of people make that the emphasis of their post-war stories as well, but it seems you have some other grand plot in mind, since you're moving quickly through that too. You mentioned Bill and his curse-breaking a few times, so I really hope he's going to play more in this story. I've always had a lot of curiosity about him and his line of work.

So much to do with the castle rebuilding and mourning, and I can't wait to see how the Auror training goes!

Nice chapters!

Pix

Author's Response: Hi,Pix! Thank you for coming back here again. This story is my first fic ever, so I really appreciate it.

Yeah, I think I understand what you try to say. I've read their complicated things here and there. They are interesting to read but I wanted to write the other way.

Talking of the funerals, the vision popped in my mind after I've experienced the similar situation more than once in RL.
As you write in your "Rabbit Heart", human beings are not immortal. Everybody has to face it.

About baby Teddy, lots of authors wrote him so I had no confidence, so thank you for your kind words.

I love Hagrid, so if you can catch his words, I'm happy.

You spotted the right point, I hurried to the trainning, the reason why I started writing in English, was I wanted to tell Auror's Tale to my son. Your instinct is right. Bill will play an important role in my second story.

Kenny


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Review #18, by CambAngst Reconstruction and Funeral

22nd August 2015:
Hi, Kenny! Moving along with my quest.

GryCReMo (Review #24)

You're doing a good job with picking up the stories of some characters that others rarely think about when they set a story in this period of time. I had to check and remind myself that Buckbeak was explicitly written into the Battle of Hogwarts. He seems none the worse for wear here and I love the image of Harry flying over the castle grounds on his back the way that they flew during PoA.

The funeral scene was very moving. All of the individual tributes to Fred and the sadness and tears of the mourners came through strongly in your writing.

Harry's laments for Tonks and Lupin and the obvious gratitude he feels were touching. I hope we get to see him spending a lot of time with little Teddy as the story progresses.

So many funerals, so much sadness! You handled it all with a quiet sort of dignity and resolve that I think was appropriate for people who've suffered so much loss but understand the greater purpose in the sacrifices made.

I like the idea of Harry, Ron, Ginny and the others helping to repair the castle. And I'm glad that Hermione found her parents right away. All in all, a very satisfying resolution to the various plot threads.

It seems like the plot should really kick into gear once Harry and Ron start their training. I'm looking forward to it.

Good job!

-Dan

Author's Response: Hi, Dan. Thank you for choosing this for GRYReMo.

I'm glad you noticed Buckbeak, not many people realise Buckbeak fought together at the Battle of Hogwarts. My favorite HP movie scene was flying Buckbeak and Harry so I'd like to write about them again.

About the funeral scene, the episode was based on my experience in RL, so yeah, many reviewers said so.

Talking of the latter scene, I wanted make it brighter, for the first half is so heavy. So I added their conversation around Reconstruction and Harmione's trip to Australia to retrieve her parents back.

The reason why I started writing here was just because I wanted to tell Auror's story to my son. So if you keep reading, I really appreciate it.

Kenny


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Review #19, by Owlpost68 Reconstruction and Funeral

21st August 2015:
Hi again!
I found this chapter really interesting. I never thought of them carrying the coffin or burning or anything. I've recently been watching a show that has witches and burning... this is obviously completely different, but it was a great connection with some pagen history and the hp universe.

You also really portrayed Mr. and Mrs. Weasley's grief very well. It was so heartbreaking. I liked that Ginny put down the flowers around the grave, including heather flowers! :)

I did think the beginning of the chapter was a little awkward, why was he helping Hagrid with Buckbeak? And I would have thought Harry would know about plans to go back to the burrow more immediately than Bill needing to tell him.
Don't get me wrong, I thought it was great Harry got some time with Buckbeak (He had been renamed Witherwings) and it was interesting to hear how Bill helped sealing Dumbledore's tomb and the protective spells around the castle, I just thought if you gave a little more detail it would be a better scene. I did love the scenery description though!

Go team Red!
Heather

Author's Response: Hi, Heather. Thank you again for Reading and Review.

This chapter was based on my RL experience, so it maybe too hard for young readers to keep reading through, but I wanted to express each life is "one and only".

The ceremony may be not the one in England but I hope you could understand the theme I wanted to say.

Okay, talking of Buckbeak, they fought with Harry at the battle of Hogwarts in the book 7. The impression of Harry on the wings of Buckbeak at the movie 3 was so strong, that I put the scene of them here, too. I may like the scene where Harry in the sky like on the back of Buckbeak or the broomstick or ...(spoiler..you'll be able to find others in the next story, "Harry Potter and a Daughter of Druid". Bill will also enter there more often. )

Kenny



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Review #20, by Owlpost68 Life Still Goes On

20th August 2015:
Hi there, I thought I'd check out your version of what happened after battle :) There were quite a few things you thought of that I didn't, like the scars! What a great idea :) Also, the idea that they would be training to be auror's at Hogwarts, that was brilliant.
There are of course some editing that could be done with typos, like I'm pretty sure you said kinsley a few times in the beginning, but there are a few more important things to mention.
I thought the pace seemed a little too quick, though they needed to talk to kingsley and find Bill, which is another great idea, I just thought that their grief should be a little more apparent. I know I wouldn't think of half these things if I was going through anything like they were. Just a thought. The dialogue also read quickly.

All in all, you had some really great ideas and I'll definitely read on :)
Go team red!

Author's Response: Thank you, Heather!

It's my first story written in English. I started writing HPFF for the first time from here. I didn't know how to write novels in English. I just wanted to read good Auror stories but there were a few I could find, so I jumped in writing by myself.

Your opinion is right. My muse just hurried to their training. But as you noticed, I took much space for the grief things in the next chapter. I tackled the theme straight there. See you soon!

Kenny


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Review #21, by CambAngst Life Still Goes On

10th August 2015:
Hi, Kenny! I'm starting off my GryCReMo campaign with stories from the other participants and I finally made it to you. First off, let me get my little bit of housekeeping out of the way:

GryCReMo (Review #7)

It doesn't matter how many times I read a story where somebody picks up right after the final battle, I always enjoy it. It's so much fun to me to see different authors' takes on what happened next and compare them to each other and to my own thoughts.

I really like the fact that you didn't forget about Kreacher. He turned out to be a fairly important character in the books and it makes me smile when people continue his newfound loyalty to Harry. I think you can tell a lot about where somebody's head is by the way they write Kreacher.

"The heart-shaped mark club" Love it! I wonder whether that will be important as the story moves on? I also like the brief, manly show of emotion between Ron and Harry. Too many authors either make it really awkward or shy away entirely from having the two of them be happy that they both survived.

Harry and Ginny's reunion... hmmnnn... I tend to prefer that things be a little more complex. He did leave her, after all, plus she thought that he was dead. In my mind, that always left her feeling a lot of different emotions: anger and loss and hope and fear and love and... well, lots of stuff. But I always love it if the two of them get back together fairly soon. I guess you just made it sooner.

Looks like Harry's going to deal with the Elder Wand straight away. Probably for the best.

As far as constructive criticism, I guess one thing is that this chapter is very heavy on dialog and sort of light on narration, description and Harry's thoughts. Sometimes you can say more about what's going through a character's head by having them react, feel and think rather than talk. That's my main suggestion.

Cool start to your story. Now I want to know what happens next!

Author's Response: Hi, Dan. Thank you for stopping by. It's a great pleasure to find one of my fellow authors I respect, leave review on my story.

This is my first fanfiction in English, I'm sure there're lots of grammar things to fix.
Besides I know most of authors take much time writing their angst before jumping their Auror training, but you know, I'm very obsessed with Auror's tale, I might be in haste to the next step.

Your constructive suggestion is really right. This was my first, I had less experience in writing and reading other authors' good stories at that time.
Kayla was helping with beta on this and the next two chapters. And I got your opinion, I have a task to do next. I'll try fixing these little by little.

Thank you again for spending time on this before your housekeeping.

Kenny


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Review #22, by TreacleTart Auror Headquarters

11th July 2015:
Hello again Kenny!

Here for the House Cup 2015- Gryffindor!

So it's the first day of Auror training. I loved seeing Harry getting ready in the morning and his interactions with Andromeda. It was sweet to see her combing Harry's hair. That is something that a mother would do. And it was nice to see that George created a potion that would finally tame Harry's hair.

I was interested to see who was in Auror training. I must admit that I was happy that Dean and Seamus were there. They're two of my favorite characters. Blaise Zabini was quite a surprise, but it makes sense if his mother was a spy for the Auror department. I'd have never thought of that, but I actually think it works really well.

I'm curious to see how everyone does throughout the Auror training and how Ron and Harry handle being celebrities.

I know you're in the process of having your chapters beta'd so I won't go into too much detail about grammar, spelling, or word choice. While I understood what was going on in this chapter, there were definitely some areas that I'm sure will be polished up once your beta gets to it.

Good job!

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: Hi, Kaitlin.

Thank you for leaving review on this, again.
From the outside , it seems absurd to keep writing FF, sometimes I ask to myself why I write these. If I didn't know this site, I might have quit earlier. Recently I noticed having friends who have the same destination, it's strength to keep writing.

Back to this story, writing the interaction between Harry and Andromeda popped naturally in my mind. If Lily was alive, she would do that like Andromeda. I wanted Harry to live peacfully after the battle.

Talking of Zabini, J.K.Rowling didn't make it clear that he had been supported Voldemort's inner circle or not, so I wanted to set him as the same level as Snape.

I think it's hard for Harry to continue his life being celebrity, but for Ron he will enjoy it.

Kenny



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Review #23, by TreacleTart Eighteenth Birthday and Independence

11th July 2015:
Hey Kenny!

I'm here for the House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor!

I really enjoyed getting to see how everyone starts out after the war. Harry and Ron are headed off to Auror training and also branching out into their own lives. Hermione and Ginny are headed back to Hogwarts to finish things up. Molly is sad that everyone is leaving. It works perfectly.

I really liked seeing Harry wanting his own space. The Burrow is a very loving, happy place, but I could imagine it being a bit claustrophobic with everyone there. It makes sense that Harry might decide to go live at Grimmuald Place, although I wonder if he'd be able to after everything that happened during the war. It doesn't seem like a very happy place after all.

It was great to see you include so many different characters and little details. The idea that Hagrid brought Harry a new owl was really sweet and then when Harry named him Sirius, I thought I might shed a tear. Great job.

The only bit of criticism that I have is that there are still some grammatical issues in this. There are places where you are missing "the" or "a". I know you've already had this beta'd once and I can definitely tell because the writing is smoother, but you may want to have it looked over once more because there are still a few places where it could be improved a bit.

All in all, I really enjoyed this chapter. Good work!

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: Thanks, Kaitlin. This is a dusty old story, but it's my first HPFF novel, so I have special feeling for this.

Thanks to kind betas of the forums,( including you), I think I'm lucky to have a chance to edit these chapters.

It was easier for me to imagine Harry's training after the book 7.

Sirius left Grimmauld Place to him, so it's natural for me to set the place for Harry to live after the battle of Hogwarts. The theme of these series is his feeling for Sirius, seeking father's love.

Kenny


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Review #24, by Rhiannon Life Still Goes On

24th May 2015:
Hello hello!

I've read a bit of Daughter of Druid, and I've had The Broomstick makers on my list for a while, but I've never come to find the beginning before! The fact that you've written three novels in a series is so impressive to me. And the fact that they can stand alone just as well as together is wonderful as well! It's nice to be able to pick up in the middle of a series without being terribly confused.

I love the way you started this! Death Hallows definitely fades out and skims over the immediate aftermath of the war, and I think that was necessary in that book. It gave us a little time to breathe and process it all. But all of this stuff had to have happened, and now that some time has passed since Deathly Hallows, I think immediately after the war is a fantastic place to start a new story!

I love all the details you've covered here! You have incorporated just about everything Jo told us about immediately after the war and changed it from fragments of information into a solid course of action. It's so nice to read!

I'm very interested to see where the rest of this story goes! Obviously we know that Harry and Ron become Aurors, and I know they end of guarding Malfoy, but I'm excited to learn how they get to that point, and what plays out as the rivals are forced to spend time together! It's almost like those cartoons where two people who can't get along are forcibly stuck together so they can learn to be nice. One of my favorite kind of stories, I must say.

This was a wonderful beginning to the story, and I'm very excited to read more!

Yours,
Rhiannon

P.S. Stevie Nicks is a goddess.

Author's Response: Thank you Rhiannon for choosing to read my old dusty story which is on the way beta reading. Thanks to the forums, I could get wonderful Gryffies beta readers and a wise Ravenclaw beta reader. I really appreciate for that.
I understand how hard to keep reading a long novel. I had the experience when I decided to read 'A Girl From Slytherin'. I know it was a very intriguing and good story to keep reading but RL often prevented me from reading. So I can guess how hard you managed to take time to spare for this.

Thank you very much. Please say hello to Stevie! I love her voice and ' Edge of Seventeen'.


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Review #25, by randomwriter Life Still Goes On

18th May 2015:
Kenny! Hi :) I'm here for the Red vs Gold review battle. I should have been here a while ago, but it slipped my mind. I'm so sorry!

I was excited to start reading this because you love Auror centric fics so much that I was certain that your passion for this... genre (shall we call it?) would come through clearly. I was not mistaken. You jumped right in there.

One thing I really enjoyed was that you picked this right up from where Deathly Hallows ended. I think you're very brave to choose to do this because it's difficult. You need to have the same characterisation, the same emotional understanding as JK Rowling did when she wrote them because there's absolutely no change who they are or what they're feeling from her ending of the battle to the beginning of your story.

About the Harry/Ginny pairing, I've said this before, and I'll say it again. You're very good with writing them together. Their gentle love and passion comes through very clearly without you having to drill it in. when you're writing them, your characterisation is quite excellent as it truly represents who they are, really.

I liked that you included Kreacher in the beginning because it shows that he still remembers him even immediately after the war ends. I think Hermione'd be proud ;) It also ties up with canon nicely since he does wonder if Kreacher can bring him a sandwich in the books too. What I would add here, is a line where Harry asks Kreacher how he's doing. He did lead the house-elves against the Death Eaters in the battle, and you can show Harry's concern by asking that question.

I love that you got stuck right into the part where they become Aurors, however, I do feel it was a bit rush. I'd give it at least three weeks to a month before Harry takes such a big decision. I think the primary thought on every body's mind immediately after the battle would be rounding up the Death Eaters, rebuilding the school and stabilising the psychological health of the people who were affected, if possible. I do get the urgency of rounding up the Death Eaters though. So maybe you could have written Kingsley asking the trip if they'd be willing to help with that. After that's done, maybe Kingsley could ask him to join them full time?

Also, I think that the teachers and Dumbledore would have a better idea of what to do with the wand than Harry. I like the idea of him returning it to the tomb, but I don't think he'd tell them what exactly to do.

There's this nitpicky thing too. I felt that Harry and Ginny would have conversed and kissed somewhere more private than the Great Hall. That's entirely you call though.

Finally, I'd love a little more description. How did the sandwiches taste? How did Harry feel at every stage of this? How were the surrounding? How bad was the damage? How are others dealing with the aftermath of the war? Just somethings to enhance the picture you're giving me.

All that being said, I do love that you started off so soon after the war, and I love that the action is taking off. It draws me to your story and makes me want to read more of it. There were also a few (very few) grammatical errors. Maybe getting a beta would help? But I definitely see an improvement in your writing :)

An intriguing start for sure, Kenny, I'm sorry I can't really say more because I've been insanely busy, and even though I've been meaning to add to this review (I've had it saved for a few days), I just haven't found the time, and I don't think I should make you wait any longer. I hope that's okay! All in all, this chapter serves well as an introduction. It makes me want to read more. Great job ♥

Author's Response: Hi, Adi.
Thank you for leaving reivew on this. I understand you're extremely busy. But your review is always awesome. I wish I could write the lovely long review like you did.

This story is very old, and I need to rewrite with help from my beta. They did good for me. It'll take much more time to fix them all but I'd like to carry on.

Talking of psychological health and Harry's decision you're pointing out, I was too eager to jump into the Auror things. But I don't forget how strong Harry suffered the sorrow for the dearest people who died. I tried writing about the feeling later on the other chapters, so if you have time to spare, please stop by again.

Hmm, the sandwiches taste, I should've written about it.


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