Hey! :) I like the plot you've got here. I'm not much of a Dramione fan but I've started reading them to see what they're like.

I've been reading some of your reviews and they seem quite harsh. Every writer starts off at the same place, and nobody has the right to say your story is terrible. Don't let a few rude reviews stop you!

You can get a beta over at the forums, or you could stop using the shortened version of words. "Plz" should be "please." I know that the shortened versions are used very commonly on social media sites, and when texting, but when you're writing fanfiction it's not right. It sounds very unprofessional to use "osom" or "lol." And people get the idea that you're rushing or don't put in as much effort. When you're writing an essay in school I'm sure you don't use these abbreviations--same thing with fanfiction or formal writing in general. There is a time and place for these kind of words.

I would suggest reading some stories from well-known fics on this site like "Delicate," which you might like. Try observing the way these authors write and it helps build your writing style.

Anyway, don't be discouraged! A few edits and I'm sure you'll feel much better about your stories. :)

~Rosie

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You are in DESPERATE need of a beta!
The grammar and awful spelling make this really difficult to read.
Your story plot has potential but you definitely need help with your writing. The POV switching is confusing and unecessary, there's far too much dialogue and not enough desciption. Hermione and Draco are really out of charater. There is a lot of work needed on this story.
Aside from anything, I suspect that a lot of your reviews are from yourself on fake accounts. Maybe spend your time getting a beta and improving your writing and you'll get reviews from genuine readers.

Author's Response: i know im sorrry .im in the need of beta .im an awful writer my grammar sucks...but yes my story's a good one i think.u noe wat i have alreday written till the 14th -15th chapter ( of this story) but i think im not going to continue further now coz continuously getting reviews in which ppl say ur story sucks and u've reviewed on ur own is like ughhh.hate it...nd i've seriously not reviewed on my own.5 chapters nd just 26 reviews?? ( well u made it 27 now, thnks for that) .


ya i know i have to improve my writing but this was just a try...

BTW could u please review my other stories and say how they r i mean.could u?? PLZ. :)

bye

dramione rockz
shinichi

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And I just saw ... LEARN TO SPELL!! It's "awesome", not "osom" or whatever. Sheesh.

Author's Response: excuse me miss or mister wateva i know the spelling of AWESOME.osom is just a short form in which i write and many others do to.so please.i know how to spell ... >:P

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... WHAT IS THIS RUBBISH I JUST READ?? Seriously how old are you, like 5??

You don't need loads of full stops in an ellipsis - three is actually the correct number. As for your AN, you actually just gave away who Elina is! I was wondering and then i read that stupid AN. You can't just give them away!!

I suggest getting a beta or stop writing until you can work out how to write a proper story. 0/10

Author's Response: hmmm.you have a very nice criticizing mentality...good work carry on.


i know i don't write good but this was just a try...instead of saying that i should improve my writing why did you call this RUBBISH? ?

fine.you tell me how to write. :/


shinichi

omg my story doesn't suck at all...its my writing that sucks ..and..your mind too :).

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If bringing this Eric guy into the mix can move things along, then I say well done! I do hope he's only an addition to get Hermione and Draco together again. I'm a sucker for happy endings. Your story must be good when I find myself getting so involved in it! Maybe I'm just daft. Anyways I'm looking forward to your next update. 'til then, Ciao!

Author's Response: yep! Eric is the person who's gonna make draco and hermione get along.u'll soon find out in the next chapter :)

well thnxx for reviewing!

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I need more! AH!!! This is good, hopefully someone breaks in the next chapter! Thanks, hopefully you'll write soon

Author's Response: thnxxx alot!!! I am too glad that ur liking my story...welll if u like this story,,would u mind to rerad my other stories? they r also dramione fanfics :)

well again thnxx for reviewing!
i am writing the next chapter,it will soon be validated :)))

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Liked this one too, but I wish there was a little more exposition

Author's Response: heyy thnxx emm!! u r reviewing for all my chapters that so sweet of u hun!
dramione rockz,
shinichi

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*swoons* Love your story idea! Haven't read any dromione ff in a while :)

Author's Response: aw thnx alot dear!

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You make many errors in your story, though the plot is nice. Your writing is not so good, maybe your too young that's why. If you need help then you should surely ask for it. Some things in the story were like, umm,not what would happen in reality,i mean that Hermione is not looking like Hermione, i hope you know what i am trying to say. You can write stories with good plots, but try to improve your writing. Um, everything else was alright.

Author's Response: i like and hate u both.but thankyou for kinda supporting me :)

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awsom pic man.really awsome.

Author's Response: thnxxx again..well its all becoz of caren who made the picture :)

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hey beautiful chapter image

Author's Response: thank you, you can also see the chapter image of the second chapter .and review too plz...u r sanki or wat?
well bye

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Oh and by the way, Ron/Hermione is better than stupid Dramione because it actually HAPPENED. And it's not funny or cool to say "Ron/Hermione sucks" in your author's notes and author's page. Show respect for other readers and readers. Grow up and be mature.

Author's Response: no ways.ron hermione is really the worst pair i have ever seen...well wateva everyone has different opinions .

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Um, first of all, you've clearly made multiple accounts to review and favorite all of your stores, and you're just reviewing your own stories. I'm pretty sure that's against the site rules. And quite frankly, if reviewing and favoriting your own stories makes you feel better about yourself, I feel sorry for you. Secondly, please take the time to check your grammar and spelling. Even if someone ACTUALLY reads your story, they're simply going to laugh at your writing.

And in your author's notes and review responses, text-language such as "lol' are not cool. This is a proper writing community, and people won't take you seriously unless you learn how to type like a normal person. Observe the way other people write, and you'll get an idea of 'serious' fanfiction. I know you're only thirteen, but people on this site are mature regardless of age.

Author's Response: hmmm.you have a very nice criticizing mentality...good work carry on.

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HEY THAT WAS A GUD ONE.KEEP UP THE GUD WORK.
~MALPOTFAN..(SANKY)

Author's Response: hi sankiii :)))
thnnx i reviewd ur chpt. too..see it..
thnx byeee

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hmmm..nyc plot.do write further...
10/10

Author's Response: thnx @ somebody u will never know :)

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I'm not sure how this chapter ever passed validation... No offense, but you wrote the MAIN CHARACTER'S name wrong each single time! Her name is HermIOne, not HermOIne. (And it's also Astoria, not Austoria...)

Your story has potential, but you really need a beta... or make sure to run a spell check programme over it and/or proofread the chapter twice before you submit it.

Author's Response: oopz.! is that so?
omg! actually .oh god.im no big fan of harry potter .nd so i didnt really know that i made such a SILLY mistake.


oh god im too too too too sory :"(.im now gonna correct all my mistakesss.s...

a very big THANKS to u @guest. :D
shinichi :"(

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Well all story's are interesting when written in detail.So I
think u should write in detail

Author's Response: kk i will write in detailll..thnx so much for reveiwin dear :)

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hmmm.nice chapterr.hermoine nd draco love each othr so much..but i think hermoine overreacted a little bit didnt she?
10/10

Author's Response: hehehheheh yeah she did over react dear..i made her do so lolzzz. :P
thnxx alot for reviewin.im gonna update soon so watch out for my chapter :PP

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oh i know now why they got separated.okay..it was a good chapter

Author's Response: thnnnxxx alot dear stellla :) u reviewd for all my chapterss so sweet of u :)

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Nice :)
well it was osom too know that draco is Elina's father. wow...that is nice i want to know how they got separarted.

Author's Response: well u will find out that in the next chapter ...
thnx

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for a first chapter this is so so good!
Is this your first story?? Didi you write any more stories? well i will have fun in reading them :)
i liked it 10/10

Author's Response: yeppp i have written more stories..plzz read them too :))) plz

well thnxxx

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Write all the detail please and pretty please can you make Hermione and Draco back together ? write more ASAP please

Author's Response: thnxx for reveiwing :)..ok i will write in detail nd yes draco nd hermoine r gonna get back togther but you will have to wait fo a while.
well thnxx again..ur review made mah dayy thnxx alot :)

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The story so far is quite a good idea, but i'm having trouble understanding sometimes because you change from past to present tense quite a lot. Maybe try and work on your grammar and put she said or he said after they have spoken or the reader gets confused as to who is speaking. Well done on the storyline though :)

Author's Response: ohk...im very very sorry for dat :"( thiz is mah 1st fanfic i'll try 2 improve




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Hi,

This seems like a really interesting plot and your writing is pretty good. The only thing is that your grammar needs a little bit more work. If you need any more help, such as with a banner or want a beta, feel free to ask me.

Charlie

Author's Response: oh thnxx alot..yes i do need help..alot of help actuaally :) lolzz

welll yes i'll try 2 improve ofcourse...
thnxx again :)
as usual dramoine rockzzz

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ooo nice.when r u updating next??and who is d father??dis is all very exciting.

Author's Response: thnxxx alot..well i have already sent d chpt .it will validate soon i hope so.
thnxx once again.u will know who d father is very soon

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