usually i'm not a huge fan of Charlie/Tonks fics (Because i hate to think of Tonks with anyone but Remus), but this story is a total exception. You're an incredibly talented writer, and I really enjoyed your depiction of Charlie as well as the way you describe Tonks. Bottom line, i love this story, and I can't wait to check out what else you've written!
~MAuthor's Response: Aww this review was such a lovely surprise! Thank you so much for your compliments, and I'm really excited you enjoyed the start of this. I hope I can get back to this story eventually, but I've gotten so tied up with my Lily and James novel.
Thank you again for stopping by ♥
Jami Report Review
First of all, this chapter has such a striking opening :D That short first sentence was a real hook and that really grabbed my attention so great work for that :)
I fell in love the way a sixteen year old does — fast, hard, and irrevocably. I can really get a good sense of Tonks' voice in lines like these. As a narrator she's so exciting and full of energy and breathless at some points, and you've shown these aspects of her characterisation and her voice very well through your sentence structures. They're very nicely varied, and at times have a lovely natural rhythm to them. So far I'm really really enjoying your use of first person POV. It's so smooth; the flow is fantastic.
It's very convincing and realistic, the way Charlie and Tonks discuss their careers and all, and the possibility of long distance. I love how Tonks seems rather vulnerable in your story; it actually fits very well with her canon characterisation when she was all pining and lovelorn in HBP (although it was for Lupin xD). And speaking of Charlie and Tonks together, I love them! Their dialogue is so easy and natural, and you have lovely attention to detail! I really enjoyed the bit about Charlie only using Tonks' full name whenever he senses her concentration is slippign. Oh, that just really made me pause and marvel at the thought of it. Great job.
Gah, and that final segment of the chapter was beyond lovely (how many times have I used the word 'lovely'??) . They really are haphazard and all over the place and chaotic and I'm already shipping them together :D I'm a bit annoyed at this Ashton person though - ruined such a wonderful moment between the two -_-
I've really enjoyed this chapter! I think it's so beautifully written and your characters are just so real. Especially Tonks. I love Tonks' voice. This is a great piece of writing. I'll probably come round on my own to read your next chapter!
-tehAuthor's Response: Ahhh I'm so sorry this response has taken me so long!
I'm so happy that you felt the first person PoV was smooth, because honestly.. I'm terrible at it. It's such a struggle for me to get into first person, once I'm there I enjoy it, but it definitely doesn't come easy, haha.
I like a bit more vulnerable Tonks, as well. I think she just seems like such a free spirit who lives with her heart on her sleeve.
The next chapter focuses much more on Charlie and his dragons, kind of getting a sense why, when the time comes, leaving them would have been too hard. If you do end up wandering back over here, I hope you enjoy it ♥
I've been a bit preoccupied with my Marauders lately, but your review has reminded me how much I enjoy writing these two, hopefully I'll get the next chapter done soon!
Thank you so much for stopping by ♥ Report Review
So, I am reviewing this instead of finishing the essay I'm meant to be writing. I'm a rebel... Shhh. ;).
Anyway... I love Charlie. We already knew that he worked with dragons and loved his job, but here you're showing why. His passion and excitement and love for the dragons is brilliant, you write it awesomely, and I just wanted to hug him throughout the entire chapter.
THEN Tonks came back and apologised and he was so excited about what Jones said about him being a Handler, but he let it go for the day to share Tonks' news about Moody and I just loved him more because it was such a sweet thing to do.
Gah, aww moments right there. I loved it.
I can't wait for more.
Sam.Author's Response: Hi m'dear! This was such a lovely surprise!
I love Charlie as well, he's about one of the only Weasleys (Bill being the other) that I feel like I can actually get a good grip on.
There were a few times while writing this chapter that i just wanted to pull Charlie out of it and give him a big squeeze. He's so tough sometimes but then so caring when it comes to the things he loves and aww. Now i want to hug him again :P
I'm so happy you liked this! I need to poke at my muse to get her going on chapter 3! Report Review
Hello, Jami! I am here returning the favor for the Holiday Review Swap. I haven't forgotten about Before They Fall (I swear!), but I'm going to finish reviewing that story anyway as soon as I've caught up on all of my holiday reviews, I thought I'd pop over and review this one. And I do so love Charlie...
This was lovely, my dear, not that I expected otherwise. I don't know if it's just because it's a different story, or because you wrote this more recently than the chapters I've read of BTF, but I really, honestly feel like I can see the improvement in your writing. Not that I haven't enjoyed all the other chapters, but there is definitely something about this chapter that felt a step up in terms of technique. Everything felt just a little... smoother, maybe? The sentence clarity in particular. Whatever it is, two thumbs up.
Now on to the story itself. This pairing is just too cute. I love the mix of their fiery energies and personalities. The opening of the story really nailed exactly how I picture this pairing myself, particularly at this age. And you totally fooled me. I was totally caught off-guard when Charlie didn't dump her. Of course, I guess that would have made for a pretty short story for the two of them, but you set that twist up perfectly.
You had some wonderful lines in this chapter. I loved the line: We were Hogwarts graduates for nearly half an hour now. I don't know if you meant it to be funny, but it made me smile. It reminded me of how kids always say they are "five and three-quarters" or "seven and a half." Always trying to be just that much older. Teenagers can be the same way. A half-hour after graduating is totally different than a half-hour before. And the line "How was I going to make the best Auror the office had ever seen if my reactions were this slow?" That was just too cute and perfectly Tonks.
I don't usually point these out, but since I know you wrote this for your Beta and therefore probably didn't have it beta-read...
-- It's like that fire that you just keep adding fuel too. (to not too)
-- Charlie said with a smile as headed my way. (as HE headed my way)
-- Even for...we'll, you know. (do you mean *well*?)
I apologize it took so long to review you back. Now that the holidays are over, I'm going to get back into my regular writing and reviewing routine. I hope you had a lovely holiday. Don't party too hard on New Years :)Author's Response: I'm responding to this immediately so I don't chicken out and take weeks. Your reviews are always just so awesome that I feel like I sound like an idiot while responding.. but whatev. Haha.
Okay.. so without sounding terrible. I do really think I've gotten better as a writer.. haha. I know I probably shouldn't think that.. but I sit down to write a new BTF chapter, or I read one of my newest compared to the 6th or 7th.. or an older one. And they just feel... better. I still can't tell you how much your suggestion to describe things that make sense and can enhance the story as opposed to just throwing out details has helped me. I always keep that in the back of my mind now.
This story was really scary to put up because it's the first that I've ever published without having it beta read or anything, haha.
I'm VERY excited to hear that your going to be able to find time to write! But I know what you mean about the Holidays. This is the first time I've pulled my computer out in probably a week.
Thank you so much for this awesome review &heart; You saying that you think you're seeing improvement is one of the best compliments I could ask for and now I just want to hug squeeze you ♥ Report Review
It's your Secret Santa here ;)
Wow! This was such a great chapter! The first thing that flew out at me was the incredible and very detailed world you've instantly set up for the dragons and Charlie's training. It was all so believable and realistic that you'd think JKR would have provided the information herself. I especially liked that there were three different roles for dragon-keeping - it's so well thought out!
I also loved the interactions between Tonks and Charlie, even though they'd had a fight. It was great of her to just turn up and do her own thing, so keeping in with her character more than anything than having a tearful kind of reunion. Also, I'm glad Ashton turned out to be okay and not some kind of hussy. :P
Another awesome chapter and I eagerly await the next one!
Merry Christmas!Author's Response: Ahhh thank you!! This chapter was SO fun for me to write. I was getting annoying because it never says if Charlie is a Dragon trainer, a dragon keeper...a handle.. they're all used on different sites, so I figured I'd just make all three different professions and yeah :P. Getting to dip into this and really expand on the parts JKR created but didn't explain is so much fun for me, and I know this chapter didn't have as much Charlie and Tonks in it, but I'm so thrilled that you liked it ♥
You're so awesome, thank you for stopping by! Report Review
It's your Secret Santa here ;)
First off, as a side note, can I say how perfect the dude in the chapter image is as Charlie?! AWESOME. That's how I've always imagined him! Anyway...
I really loved this! I've not seen a relationship done before between Tonks and Charlie but really, it's actually such a perfect pairing when you think about it. I thought your writing has really done them justice as a couple as well as focusing on their personalities together, like not being able to do the cleaning spells and such. Lovely!
I'm also liking where this plot is going - you kept the tension up very well by having us believe that Charlie would ditch Tonks, and I'm also intrigued by this room mate of his. Is she here to cause trouble? Hmm. Only time will tell...
I also thought your style of writing and dialogue were really good in this - it was light and natural, and fitted the tone of the story perfectly. The only thing I would do here is just run a beta over it as there were a couple of tiny tiny spelling errors. On the whole though I thought this was a really good start and I can't wait to read more!
Merry Christmas!Author's Response: Ahhh!! You're making me squee over here.
I'm so happy you liked my Charlie! The actor is Charlie Hunnam... isn't he so gorgeous?? Swoon.
I'll definitely look over it for the errors... this was written for Dan, who does all my beta reading, but I didn't want to ask him to beta his own story and I'm super terrible at catching typos :P.
First person is really a struggle for me, so I'm incredibly excited that you thought the narration was done well!
Thank you, m'dear ♥ Report Review
Hey! I decided to take a break from BTF and come check this out instead. Sorry for the delay on doing a return review for your very kind swap.
I fell in love the way a sixteen year old does--fast, hard, and irrevocably. I love this, because to me it conveys a more mature Tonks, one able to look back on her past with wisdom. I'm used to always seeing her as fairly intense, be it jokingly or in the throes of conflict, but this quote seems to have come from someone who is war-weary and has grown up a lot because of it.
Oh, poor thing. It's interesting to see graduation-related tension that's not related to an impending war, at least not directly. The two of them just feel so normal--I can remember thinking some of the same things about friends and boyfriends during that time. I can see why they're attracted to one another, and I love that they both seem to possess a rebellious attitude and a good sense of humor.
I'll kill him. I will. I'll feed him to one of his precious dragons. And see? Fun Tonks is back! I love how we never got too serious. Too serious wouldn't have fit with the characters you've established, especially Tonks. I feel like she would be very difficult to write, and I think you did a really wonderful job with keeping her balanced.
This is a really good start--thanks for the swap!
-AmandaAuthor's Response: Amanda! I hope you had such an amazing Christmas ♥
Don't worry, sometime I need a break from BTF too :P
Tonks is so difficult for me to write. That combined with the first person is probably why I have yet to do the 3rd chapter. This switches between Tonks and Charlie, and Charlie was so much fun to write in chapter 2 that I don't want to go back to Tonks, hahaah.Poor girl.
This review was just the motivation I needed to work on the next chapter, though ♥ Thank you so much for stopping by :)! Report Review
Oh nooo. Oh no. Don't make them so adorable and sweet and cute when you're about to TEAR THEM APART! I think I fell in love with them a little bit. I mean, the writing was brilliant, especially that first section - the narrative voice was so strong, the descriptions so well put-together but they sounded very age-appropriate, if that makes sense? No purple prose to be found, I thought it was an excellent balance between poetry and realistic thoughts for someone of her age.
And that just made me love Charlie, too. How neither of them are standing in the way of each of their dreams. He's going to Romania, like he's always wanted, and she's going to be an Auror, fulfilling her dream. But that just means that they're going to be apart and that's so hard. I hope they can cope with this, but I have a feeling you're going to be throwing some hurdles at us.
I loved it so much! You better not hurt them...
Merry Christmas!Author's Response: Hahahah MARINA I can't help it! i have to make them sweet and cute because because they ARE. I'm so happy you felt like the narrative voice was strong. I have such a hard time with first person, so I do really get nervous about how it comes off.
Ah I can't promise that I won't hurt them... but I can promise to try and make it a really good story! That's something, right?!?! ♥ Thank you so much for stopping by ♥ Report Review
Hello, you!! Your review made me very happy, and this story also made me quite happy!!
Let me just say that though I haven't read much Charlie/Tonks (I didn't even know they existed!), you've already got me shipping them. I loved the opening; it really set things up, what with her clumsiness and his strength/athleticism. They really do make such a great couple... Why couldn't they have stayed together? :(
Oh well, I might never know. Is this even a canon ship? It should be!
Anyways. I digress too much.
Your command of character-to-character interaction is quite fabulous. The relationship between Tonks and Charlie is clearly not mushy or overly maudlin. They seem to be just perfect for each other.
In Charlie's new abode, I was amused by the dishes and housekeeping stuff. It was nice how you named your short story collection "Hazardous" and then showed us exactly HOW the whole thing was hazardous. :)
Merry Christmas!! :)
~UnluckyStar57Author's Response: Hi darling! I'm so happy that my review made you smile!
I actually never really thought about this pairing either until I started asking my beta what he'd like to read, and he said he had a soft spot for these two. And no, it's not a canon known ship :) though we do know they were in the same year at Hogwarts, so anything is fair game ;)
I think, at times, they were perfect for each other. And I wish I could say that the cleaning kitchen is the only Hazardous part, but it's more of what these two are to each other, the way their personalities work around one another when everything isn't going well, that brings out the hazardous aspects to them. Poor characters don't stand a chance together :( Haha
I'm so happy you enjoyed this, and thank you for the review ♥ Merry Christmas to you too, darling! Report Review
You know, I was really nervous to read this fic it being tonks/charlie and all because I love remus/tonks but I found myself actually enjoying this first chapter and the way they are together. I was so nervous right along side Tonks that she was going to get dumped on graduation day so I was so happy when Charlie just said that it was going to be hard but that he wanted to try and make things work. The ending of this chapter was really cute and sweet as well. I loved the idea that if you really didn't know the spell well enough, it would sort of take over and do more than what you wanted such as breaking the plates for cleaning them too hard and spraying everything down. I'm interested to see who Ashton is as well. I mean I know you mention that he is Charlies roommate but I wonder what his part will be in this whole thing. Altogether I think that this was a wonderful beginning and I'm sure that Dan loved this! Great Job!
~Slytherinchica08~Author's Response: Hi darling! I'm so happy you liked how this started out! First of all, I know I didn't clarify this and I keep trying to remember to go back and fix it to make it more clear, but Ashton is a girl ;). Which is going to be even more problematic... ;).
I thought the idea sounded fun as well, with the cleaning spells that is. Because it can't be so easy as to wave your wand and make everything shiny, right??
Thank you so much for stopping by and reviewing ♥ It put a huge smile on my face!
Jami Report Review
I love that you're dealing with a long-distance relationship, because there's so much messiness in that. You consider so many of the subtle differences of how they're treating their departure from Hogwarts, from how they were like when they're in it and how they expect their life to change. Even though it's Tonk's narrations, the details she slips in about Charlie, like the differences in their family life, expand both of their characterization sort of sneakily.
I think the first section, at the moment the description feels a little generic. I can sum that part up into, they were destructive but irrevocably in love, and I see the emphasis on that point, but some of the additional descriptions used don't really add anything, like He made me his everything, the way I made him mine or Loving each other too much. It’s like that fire that you just keep adding fuel too. These are common phrases that feel a bit filler and I don't really learn anything new from it, so I think there are better ways to describe it.
I like the intimacy in their interaction (though I think Tonks veers a bit into gushy at times); I can feel the strain hiding behind their words, and I think this part especially: How was I supposed to tell him that I understood, when it took every ounce of control to keep my composure?/“I need to get back to the Great Hall—” shows Tonks' conflict really well. There's something particularly real about that juxtaposition. Though the angst doesn't last for much longer ;D
And ending on such a cute scene! Hee, Charlie teasing Tonks for thinking he'd break up with her. And then Ashton walking in oh la la. Trouble will follow! 8DAuthor's Response: Hi darling! Long distance definitely gets messy. My fiancÃƒÂ© is in the military and we've done it too many times, and in my head these two just weren't cutout for it. But they tried so hard and wanted it so much that it was almost worse than not trying hard enough.
I'll definitely look over the first section and play with more subtle and necessary ways of getting the feelings across. That first section comes in again at the end when Tonk's is looking back, deciding what road to take, so i really want it to be right. Thanks for pointing that out ♥
I'm so happy you felt Tonks's jumble of emotions during the section where she just wants it to be over and to get out. She's such a hard character for me to write, and knowing you felt like that part was realistic is such an awesome compliment!
Thank you so much for stopping by, your review had been helpful while still making me smile ♥
Jami Report Review
Hello again! I'm here for another installment in the wonderful and shaky relationship between Charlie and Tonks!
Gah- I loved this chapter so much! I think that your writing style is absolutely fantastic for this story and you've managed to capture Charlie beautifully in this chapter. You could really sense his love for dragons in this chapter and I kind of fell in love with them as well. I hope that there will be more moments that we get to witness between him and the dragons.
However, I definitely do not want there to be another incident similar to this one. How awful! How fortunate that Charlie was sent there and was able to stop him from following through on his plan! But no matter how awful the situation was, I think that you did a great job writing it. There was plenty of tension and I liked how you didn't slow down the pace by describing exactly what Brackle was doing. The conversation later worked out a lot better to fully describe the situation because it allowed you to explain it from the perspective of someone who knew exactly what Brackle had tried to do without repeating any details from Charlie's description.
I also really enjoyed your description of the Reserve. Everything seems so natural there and your division between the possible jobs made sense. I suppose that one good thing about the incident is that Charlie is now on a Handler's radar.
I also liked the changes in the relationship between Tonks and Charlie. They're making mistakes but they're also learning. It was nice to see such a good moment in their relationship- here, I can believe that their relationship will last forever.
As I was reading the chapter I noticed a few mistakes that I'll quickly point out. To begin, with the phrase "have chocked on it" I believe you meant "choked". As well, with "a Liondragon. An older girl" I think that you should make it into one sentence by removing the period because the "an older girl" sentence is more of a fragment than a sentence in and of itself, since you used "who". As well, I think that the sentence "Then the second" would flow better if you took out the "then" and added a "dragon" after "second".
All in all, I think that you're continuing to do a great job with this story. If you have trouble with first person, it doesn't show in this chapter! I look forward to reading the next chapter. Great work!Author's Response: Hi darling!! Haha I love the way you address them, shaky and wonderful feels just right!
I'm so happy you liked this chapter! It's funny, I'm having a lot I mixed reactions from readers. Mainly because there isn't much Tonks Charlie. But it was/is super important to me to show just how much Charlie loves his dragons.
I absolutely plan on writing more about the Reservation! This was by far one if my favorite things to write. For the house cup challenge, my challenge piece is very similar to this and I think I just may have a bit of an obsession with writing about these things ;)
Yay I'm really pleased that it worked out with how Jones explain what the man was doing as opposed to slowing down during the Charlie Brackle scene. I tried to get it all out there at the beginning but it just didn't feel right. And it always surprised me what a perceptive reader you are. The fact that you even noticed I had two ways to go about that, and agreed with the way I did, just makes me so happy because most people don't pick up on things like that.
Thank you taking the time to point out the mistakes! I'll go through and fix those right now. You've absolutely made my day, darling! Well, numerous days. The one where I first read this, and now when I'm replying to it :P. It seems harder and harder lately to get honest feedback, and I hope you know how much I appreciate your reviews ♥
And! Yes! All 25! I finished it one night when I was laying in bed, and then keep up with the new ones. And I never review on my phone because it's so hard to get auto correct to play nice, which is why I was a meany and didn't review them at the time. I will absolutely back track and review all of them, but if you ever have any chapter that you're particularly worried about you can always PM me and tell me which one, then I can review that one out of order. Otherwise, you'll just get random surprise reviews, mwahaha. But yeah, that's why I'm not using that story for swapping. It would absolutely feel like cheating! Haha Report Review
Oh hellloo there!
So, first off you said in your last review and in your authors note that you find first person difficult, but really that doesn't come across here at all! I've never read anything from Charlie's point of view before, and he's such an interesting character.
Mostly, we just see him through Harry's sort of perspective, when he's much older, so we never really get to see him truly excited about his work with dragons. And, reading this, it sort strikes me how hard it must have been for him to leave them during the war to fight for the cause, and how long he'd have stayed afterwards. also, how weird it must have been for Tonks to end up in a relationship with Remus (I mean, Charlie/Tonks is near my head cannon - it had to happen at some point, right?) but I guess that's a thought process for another time.
I could feel his passion surrounding the dragons, though, and the little details you added about the keeping of dragons and such were really interesting... so yeah, this was a really good chapter! I think I preferred the first one, but mostly because there wasn't enough Tonks/Charlie moment in it.
Anyway can't wait for an update!
Happy December the 7th :)
-ACAuthor's Response: Hi Helen!! I actually never thought about these two until my friend Dan commented on how much he liked them as a pairing. Then the more I started writing the more they just worked! In my head everything ends canon, so that does make for a bit of issues in regard to Charlie's feelings about Remus and Tonks. Althouhg I think bu that point he realized all he's done is hurt her, and that they really aren't healthy for one another.
And I'm so happy you can't tell I was struggling with first person! Honesty, almost every other paragraph I accidentally start switching back into third. Haha
I'm so happy you liked this chapter! I really wanted to show just how much the reservation and the dragons mean to Charlie, because his career of course goes a long way to ripping at his relationship. Ugh, these two just never had a chance from the moment I decided to title this Hazardous, haha.
Thank you so much for this awesome review. And I'm patiently (except not) waiting for the last tree chapters of NJAB ;)
Jami Report Review
Hello! I decided to review this story instead of "Before They Fall" because your summary just sounded so intriguing! I'm very curious to see how you're going to write their self-destructing relationship.
Oooh- I simply loved this chapter! You had an amazing blend of humour and emotional intensity mixed into this chapter. You already have me sold on their relationship and on Tonks' perspective. She's such a fun character and I really think that you've done her justice here.
As well, I'm very intrigued by their relationship. This will certainly be a very interesting story to read, having seen a glimpse of the fate of their relationship before reading. To see the beginning of the end...
Right from the start, I think that you've set up a great premise for why their relationship will eventually self-destruct in Tonks' belief that they will break up that day. Obviously there are cracks (small, but still present) and those cracks will widen as time passes and it grows harder to stay together. Their habit of not talking with each other about important issues will probably backfire in a later chapter and explode in a very nasty argument. And I'm very curious to see what role Ashton will play in the destruction... His appearance in this chapter was absolutely perfect.
This is such a small thing but I think that if you made the last sentence of the first section ("We were that") a paragraph all on its own it would really increase the impact of that momentous statement.
I also noticed a few small things as I was reading. To begin, with the phrase "They forced heat" I would switch the "they" to "it" as you're referring to fabric, which I'm pretty sure is a singular noun. As well, with "we'll, you know" I don't think that there should be an apostrophe in "well". :)
I'm sorry if the latter part of this review seemed more like a requested review... But I can't seem to get my head out of that style. All in all I think that you're off to a great start with this chapter and I'm very interested in reading the next chapter. :DAuthor's Response: I request your reviews because I love them, so obviously any part of this seemingly like a requested review would be far from a bad thing!
Publishing this was super scary, because I've always had Dan to beta for me and just run ideas by, but I didn't want that to happen with this because it's for him.. so it would ruin the surprise. So I'm actually incredibly surprised those were the only typos you noticed! I'm giving myself a pat on the back for that!
With Ashton causing issues.. it's worse than you think, because it isn't a him, it's a her :P. I just realized I never made that clear, though! I should probably fix that. Haha.
I've had a few people not love the first three paragraphs, I think because it seems 'too mature' for Tonks, so I'm happy you liked those! And honestly, Tonks in the book annoyed the heck out of me. So I know I'll be tweaking parts of her to make her character fit more into what I always thought she would be.
Your review just made my day... I'm so happy you enjoyed this first chapter! And that the summary got your attention!
Thank you so much for stopping by, you'll see me very soon :)! Report Review
Hello there! Wishing you holiday feels and here with a review.
First off, I really really loved the first part of the story. It was really nice and refreshing for it to be admitted at the start of a story that love isn't exactly always enough to guarantee a relationship working... and you know, for about half the chapter I really did believe that they were going to break up and this was going to start like that and like back track or something, but I think that was partially because that's how I did my NaNo project, ahha. But Tonk's anxiousness about it all happening really came through and you had some reaaall pretty descriptions that just made me melt a little bit (sucked for a bit of descriptive language, me).
I became exceedingly aware of the density in his voice
Ack! I just loved it. It was so right and poetic, and I've never thought about associating the idea of density with someone's voice before, but I love love love love it.
I also really like the Tonks/Charlie pairing and, after a failed attempt at writing it myself have been looking for one. So I'm really excited to come back and read the next chapter at some point soon, and then hopefully the ones that come after it ;)
-ACAuthor's Response: Hi darling!! I'm so happy you chose to review this. I need to get working on this story a bit more, but it's kind of my 'take feels out on these characters' story. With my Marauders, everything fits together. James and Lily both have weakness that the other strengthens, Sirius and James have a friendship that depends on one another, the four Marauders together work in such a specific and perfect way so that group would need every friend to function how it does... anyway, it just gets exhausting. I love it, and that's how it needs to be for them, but sometimes I just want to write something destructive. And that's where Tonks and Charlie come in.. haha!
I wasn't sure if that line made much sense... you know how when someone wants to 'talk' and they get sort of quiet, and there's something so huge waiting on the other side of the 'talk'.. that's basically what I was trying to get at, so knowing that you really liked that line has made my day!
This review has seriously given me all kinds of warm fuzzies ♥ thank you so much for stopping by! And if you make it to the next chapter, I hope you enjoy that one as well! It's a bit more Charlie centered... well... completely charlie centered to be honest :P Report Review
Awww, I'm so glad he didn't dump her! That would have made a horrible memory of Graduation day. I was getting worried by the way he was phrasing things, almost like he was saying goodbye. And then when Tonks was mentally going over their relationship - particularly how she spoke of him to friends and family, that it already sounded like she was recalling his memory rather than something present - I was starting to get truly anxious.
There's something very sweet about the Charlie/Tonks pairing. They both seem like such down to earth people, playful and good-hearted and honest, and I really like how you portrayed them here. They seem like a real couple. They have communication issues, but I can tell that they fit really well together (or at least, they do right now, at the beginning of the story). I don't have high hopes of how well their relationship will stand the test of time, simply because of the story title! It feels like the beginning of a love once good that turns very rocky. Which is natural, since they're out on their own now and will grow more into themselves. Hogwarts preserves things that don't always go together, it seems, just because it's there and something of a faraway paradise where bad things are for places far beyond the castle.
So Tonks and Charlie, realistically, don't know the first thing about their relationship right now because they haven't been granted the freedom yet to explore it independently from other people.
Oh my goodness, who is this Ashton? I know that Ashton is a unisex name, so I'm hoping it's a man. But the airy voice and 'slender' description tells me it's probably a female. Which I do not like at all. A FEMALE ROOMMATE. THIS DOES NOT BODE WELL. I'd like to see Tonks give her the old one-two.
Overall, excellent first chapter!Author's Response: Ahhh. I'm trying *really* hard not to melt right now.
Hahaha your thoughts on Ashton... loved them. She isn't terrible, not a 'I'm going to take him away from you' type of girl. But when my fiance and I were still dating doing long distance, he had this friend... a VERY nice, sweet, awesome girl that wasn't some sort of man taker. I really liked her. But the fact that she got to spend a lot of time with my boyfriend that I didn't because I was hundreds of miles away always really ate at me. And I can imagine it doing that to anyone, so even if they aren't intentional, Ashton will definitely cause problems.
I think Charlie and Tonks *really* want to make it work. This does end canon, but it won't be for the lack of them trying..
Okay. I don't even know how to respond to this without sounding like an idiot. I couldn't even respond to your message because everything I said sounded too silly :P. So I'm just going to stop now and tell you thank you ♥
I really enjoyed this first chapter. I've never read a Tonks fanfiction before, let alone a Tonks/Charlie one, so this was new and interesting for me.
I think you did I really good job with Tonk's characterization. In the HP books she was always one of my favourite characters, what with her clumsiness and all, and you still managed to hold onto these traits of hers while making her into your own character-a character that was a lot deeper and very realistic.
That's another thing I liked about this chapter-the realism. Even most of us aren't Aurors or dragon keepers (unfortunately) I could picture Tonks and Charlie as a normal couple in a very normal world. So...great job!
I always try to think of criticism in my reviews, but I honestly can only think positive.
Overall, I think this is a really goos chapter. Congrats!
Courtney:)Author's Response: Yay!
Hi darling! I was really nervous about writing Tonks, because I didn't actually care for JKR's portrayal of her. But I think (hope) I found a good balance between the one in the books i wasn't crazy about, and then a Tonks who I really could love!
I wanted to bring a lot of realistic feelings into this, so I'm really happy you feel like they're just another normal couple!
Thank you so much for stopping by to review m'dear, and I'm so happy you enjoyed this! Sorry for taking ages to respond!!
Jami Report Review
Charlie is such a dude! Seriously!
I'm one of those people who finds it hard to capture the male voice adequately, but I find you've done a great job with it. Of course it depends on his personality which I see coming out strongly here. He's a passionate one, your Charlie - with a potty mouth too.
Here I was thinking they woke up in the morning and Charlie just overslept - not that it was three o'clock, jeez! But I like how you incorporated the weather and its effects on the dragons. The entire introduction to the reservation was nicely written with the right amount of description.
I happen to like Gus despite Charlie's bad mood though all that happiness at three in the morning is cause for assault. Gus is probably right as to the reason for that as well :P
Amazing how in-sync Tonks and Charlie's good fortune came about. Definitely a reason for both of them to smile. It was a pleasant surprise to see Tonks at the end of the chapter - for Charlie's sake as well as for ours.
Good job!Author's Response: Hahhaa Charlie IS such a dude! I actually had SO much more fun writing him than Tonks. Maybe because my fiance is one of four brothers, so I spent so much time around manly men that really have no filter... but Tonks is a bit more of a mystery to me.
Hahah I like Gus to! He seems like that kind of friend you'd just need to have! Re-reading your reviews has made my day ♥ Thank you so much for stopping by with such an awesome exchange review! Report Review
The entire feel of this chapter was quite bittersweet. Not only for Tonks as the narrator, but the transference of her feelings onto her (or your) audience. In your first set of paragraphs, it is much more pronounced. Their feelings, their relationship, as wonderful and consuming as it was, to me there was an underlying tone of remorse - things didn't end well for them. Or maybe it was as your (fantastic) first line suggests…it destroyed them.
Wizards discovering muggle clothing! I loved that, so so much! People tend to forget that, even me sometimes.
I love that this story is so realistic. With any relationship, having to live abroad for work is difficult. It's a brave choice to decide to stick it out. I know a few people who've done it and they are still going strong. All that being said, I think you've set up the conflict here already simply because it is what it is - a (very) long distance relationship. Based on how this story was introduced, I don't think Tonks' sense of relief lasts for so long :(
I appreciate the fact that Tonks is a klutz. I like how, unlike some writers, you have not thrown that fact in my face. Unless of course, a wild umbrella stand appears, and it's all over. Based on how you've written her, I somehow get the feeling that she will have the most to lose. She automatically thinks he'll end the relationship after graduation which revealed some vulnerable spots. It's an interesting contrast between Tonks - the girlfriend and Tonks - the budding Auror.
As for Charlie, I haven't read much stories with him, so I'll save my characterisation until I see things from his perspective.
I think you've got off to a great start here.
LiaAuthor's Response: Hi darling! I'm so happy you liked this first chapter! This story hasn't been a piece of cake to write, so your review was really nice to come back to and read ♥
I think Charlie and Tonks would have been such an intense relationship. They would have made each other happy beyond belief, but also more miserable than imaginable. I'm definitely having fun exploring them so far, and I'm so happy you enjoyed my first attempt at a Tonks portrayal!
Jami Report Review
Heyyy. Sorry it took me so long to get to this!! I really am glad I finally got the chance to! This was a fantastic chapter. I'm going to keep my review short and to the point for sake of time, but please know how much I really did enjoy this!! Charlie is such a babe and I loved the chance to be inside his head and see he philosophy on life and on his dragons and such. He's thoughtful, but manly and gruff and so, so funny. I thought his banter with Gus was great -- though bird is a commonly used term for girl in the UK now, it's not at all antiquidated from what I understand. Based on things I've heard from my friend currently studying in the UK, boys there use bird like boys here use the word chick. The only other correction I had for you is the bit about the dragon's neck posture -- straight and angled back, not angles :P I'm sure that's just a typo, but I thought I'd point it out to you.
Other than that this was a fabulous chapter!! I know he's fictional, but I'm just so proud of him!!
Great chapterAuthor's Response: Melissa! Sorry for the long wait for my response. I was out of town for a bit.
Ahh I wasn't sure about bird when I used that. I was on a website that made it seem like it's pretty outdated, but you know how accurate this things are *eye roll* then the other did compare it to chick. But chick is pretty much only used by older people where I'm from in the US, so maybe that's what made me think Bird was an older word.. hmm I'm going to have to go pick a Brit's mind... haha thank you for pointing that you. And yes, angled, not angels.. haha thank you :P.
I'm so happy you liked this chapter ♥ Tonks has been super hard to write after this because I had so much FUN playing with Charlie and the Dragons.
Seeing your reviews always puts me in the best mood ever ♥ thank you for stopping by!
I'm so glad that I picked this one to read! Tonks and Charlie are among my favourite characters, so it's great to see someone writing about them in more than just a one-shot or as a passing reference. That you've constructed this relationship between them is unexpected in a very pleasant way - I love the in medias res feel of this first part (it seems odd to call it a chapter, since it's a story collection rather than a continuous novel, but I might interchange the terms by accident). I was on the edge of my seat, wondering if they would give each other up for their careers, and if so, what that would mean for this story. Even though that wasn't the case, I'm still very interested in this couple who don't end up together, but instead pursue their careers. It's something that doesn't often happen in the Potterverse, and it's rare enough in fiction on a wider scale. I want to see where this story will go, so I'm definitely adding it to my favourites list. :)
It was wonderful to finally take the opportunity to read and review something of yours. You had my full attention by the end of the introduction, if not by the end of the first paragraph. Your style there is perfect with its strong voice and sharper tone - it captures the reader's interest right away and makes one want to read on. I love your interpretation of Tonks's voice, and the description of how she changes her hair is the best Metamorphagus transformation I've seen in writing. Throughout the rest of the story, you pulled at my emotions and pulled me into Tonks's mind - her focus on the blades of grass stood out because those are the kind of details the mind focuses on when it's upset. It added to the realism of the characters and their circumstances.
I know that the last part in Romania is closely linked to the other scene, but the change in mood and tone broke up the flow. It's still excellently-written, but I'm not sure why it's attached to the first part and not a separate piece on its own. It's a perfect comic scene, but it seems more to create that awkward cliffhanger at the end rather than complete what the first part started. Does that make sense? Perhaps reading the next chapter will help me better situate myself and see how you'll be structuring the rest.
Overall, though, I really enjoyed this. You've got a lot of talent and I look forward to reading more of your stories. You've done fantastic work with both Tonks and Charlie - it will be great to see where you take them next. :DAuthor's Response: Can I just admit that I was sort of jaw dropped when I saw the name who this review belonged to? You know that you're one of my favorite writers on this, so having you add a story of mine to favorites is such an awesome honor.
First person is *such* a challenge for me. Third Omniscient is my happy place, so getting out there and trying something new really has been nice. But I'm so thrilled that you like Tonks's narrative voice so far, because I wanted to do something that mixed the funny girl and capable auror. To be honest, I didn't care for her at all in the books. Not really her exactly, but I guess what JKR did with her. So I have been trying to keep her canon while still adding a few tweaks.
I think writing this and knowing the don't end up together makes it even more fun. It gives me the chance to explore how those 'little things' broke them apart.. in my Marauders ear I focus on things that bring Lily and James closer together as friends, difficulties they get through that first hurt them, then heal them.. and honestly it gets exhausting. So writing about a couple that really just aren't good for each other, they don't belong together but they want to *so bad* is an awesome change of pace and a nice way to take a breather from Lily and James's preciousness.
Really, I don't even know how I'm structuring the rest :P. I'll probably do Tonks, Charlie, Tonks, Charlie in PoV terms (which is why that last section didn't get tacked onto the next chapter, though it does feel like it's kind of just hanging out there on its own, haha!)
The next chapter focuses a lot more on Charlie and shows what this Reservation means to him. Why he misses out on so many things with his family, why he'll choose dragons over anything, and kind of just sets the tone for his life out there.
I feel like I'm rambling.. but I just have to say how much I loved this review. I feel like a fangirl squeeling because her favorite author signed a book or something.
Thank you so much for stopping by ♥ if you do decide to check out the next chapter, be warned that it's very dragon/Charlie filled and much less Tonks and Charlie. But I think it's important to understand them both before trying to explore why they let one another down so many times for the sake of their careers. Report Review
Aww. How is first person a challenge for you? I think you're doing great! I liked it in both of these chapters. There is a small distinction between Tonks and Charlie's voices, and they're also kind of similar which makes sense for their connection. I think I have a crush on Charlie. I mean, he is a Weasley (makes me love him automatically), he takes great care of dragons and he's portrayed here by an ooh la la man.
Seriously, the man! Who is he??
Reading about the dragon reservation was fantastic. I am so happy and bouncey this is the setting for the story. You described it so vividly, also all the positions - Trainers, Keepers, Handlers! And Charlie taking care of Bluesy was so sweet. I really adore animals (except chimpanzees because they are terrifying), so I also love people who understand and care for them. I think if I were in the magical world I would want to do what Charlie does. And be his girlfriend, too, maybe. Move over, Nymphadora! Actually, no. I love these two. Your Tonks is exactly how she should be - funny, bold, clumsy, honest and just lovable. Yaay, I have a new favorite to go on my list. How do you do this, really? I just...have no idea what else to say. Great job and keep on being awesome because you have a tiny little squeaky reader here who needs more of your stories!Author's Response: Charlie. Ugh. Love him. He's so delicious, haha. The delicious man on the banner and CI's is Charlie Hunnam, his character that I fell in love with is Jax Teller on this awesome motorcycle gang serious called Sons of Anarchy. And in that show Jax is a tough, no one gets through his exterior, but loving and kind. So he made the best Charlie Weasley. Seriously though, look up Jax Teller Son's of Anarchy and go through pictures. Then just droll. :P
You turn me into this big puddle of squeaks. I'm reply to this in bed, and my fiance is sound asleep next to me, and I keep waiting for him to throw a pillow at me after waking up because I keep going 'eep!' hahah.
And! I'm so happy first person seemed natural in this. About every other paragraph I find myself switching back into third and have to go correct it :P
Okay. I have to be done blabbering now or else I'll just melt all the way. You are so awesome though, PS. ♥ Report Review
Ooh la la, who is that pretty man on the banner and chapter pictures?? -melts- Ahem.
Since I am basically in love with Before They Fall and Jami's writing, and there are no new chapters, I had to go looking for more of your writing. Then I read the summary to this story and bam! I just had to read it. This is brilliant so far, you know? The writing is fresh and easy to sink into. This was special for me to read because I'm having a similar problem in life...long-distance, very different future and possible careers, different directions in life and all that rubbish...and there's this truth that it probably won't last but still you somehow cling to everything until it's not definitely the time...so all of this is somewhat relevant and significant for me. It's so real. I love that they are trying. I know how this ends, and I like Remus/Tonks, but you're making me want these two to stay together forever, too! I'm so torn now. Their relationship is so playful and fresh, I just kept grinning the whole way through the chapter. It's the exciting kind of relationship, the kind people wish to have.
I haven't read much of these two characters, but I'm really excited. Will there be dragons? Oh I love dragons! The way Charlie talked about this being his dream...well no wonder, DRAGONS.
Off to read the next, tap ti dap.Author's Response: Ahh you are absolutely spoiling me ♥ not that I'm complaining.. ;)!
Dan is in love with these two. I don't LOVE Tonks, but I LOVE Charlie (Charlie Hunnam is the actor I'm using to portray Charlie Weasley -- he's delisous, right?? He's the main actor in this series called Sons of Anarchy where a motorcycle gang runs guns, but are really still awesome people.) Anyway! I wouldn't have started writing this if it wasn't for the gift it challenge for Dan, and now I'm so happy that I did because it's really been fun so far. It will probably end up being 15 chapters, but because it's a short story collection, I may wind up with many more. Whenever Lily and James annoy me, this is where I head ;).
Dragons! Let me tell you, you are going to *LOVE* the next chapter if you like Dragons.. ;).
Thank you again for stopping by and reviewing! I'm so happy I discovered Memory Dust, by the way!
My fiance is in the military, so we've done long distance quite a bit, and it's never EVER easy. But for these two, it's closer to impossible :(. Hopefully by the end of it though I'll be able to leave you with a bittersweet not as opposed to just..er.. bitter ;).
Thanks again, darling ♥ Report Review
Honestly, the minute I look the other way you've got a whole bunch of fic up that I haven't read. This and BTF? Hell yeah.
I wouldn't have known first person was a challenge for you if you hadn't said so; you've got Charlie's voice perfectly here. I love him. I don't generally ship Tonks/Charlie, but you're slowly starting to change that.
I like this dragon reservation hierarchy you've got set up here, with this whole masculine toughness thing being valued by these hardened dragon keeper/trainers/handlers/trainees. It suits both Charlie and the dragons well, and it made me wonder how Ashton's experience in the reservation is. /sociologygeek
Tonks is all kinds of adorable in this one. Milk everywhere! Limp bacon! Oh, the horror. Love her. And the reference to Alice (as opposed to Frank, unusually for fanfic) being one of the best Aurors Mad-Eye's ever seen... awesome. Made me smile.
You've still got typos and Americanisms in this, and you know that, because obviously you're just putting them in there to test me. :P
And sometimes your pronouns get a bit confusing, like with:
They forget that they're only following their instinct.
Using the same pronoun in the same sentence to refer to two different things... yeah, that's a bit awkward.
Anyway. Am eagerly awaiting the next installment, etc., etc.Author's Response: Hi darling! Mwahaha can't turn your back on me for a second :P
First person is really, really difficult. I constantly feel myself trying to switch back into third. I'm so happy you couldn't sense that in the writing!
It's funny you said that, because wanting to see how a woman would do in this situation was something I really thought about, as well. Thus, Ashton was born! That sentence would have been better if she had a last name... maybe I should give her one..
I can't help but have a bit of my Before They Fall head canon slip into other stories. I do think Frank was an amazing Auror, but I think Alice was better.
I think the Americanisms I have left are ones that I really don't know are Americanisms, because I can't for the life of me spot them in this! I wasn't sure about Jeans, but one of the British online Dictionaries said it's used over there, but those things probably don't know what they're talking about half the time...
Thanks for the awesome review, m'dear ♥ Report Review
Hello, there, darling! I am back again for another fantastic dose of Charlie and Tonks. This story is coming along so well, I am really honored to be the recipient of such a great gift!
I know you were really worried about writing in the first person, but I think you did a terrific job with it here. It isn't easy, that's for sure. Challenge stories are fun that way, though. You can really experiment and take some risks and broaden your repertoire. I think it paid off for you in a major way in this chapter, because it is so narrowly focused on Charlie. It's all about his experiences and his feelings, so it feels perfectly natural to tell it all from his point of view.
I think I like Charlie's roommate so far. She definitely isn't taking any guff from him, but she doesn't really seem to mind his less than gentlemanly behavior, either. Pretty much the kind of woman you'd have to be to work with dragons and even worse, the kind of super-macho guys who like working with dragons. It sounds like the two of them are hitting it off famously. And she seems OK with Tonks, too, which is a plus.
Interesting that you picked Tonks to be the first one to start to let the discipline slide on keeping up this long distance relationship. I guess it's worth nothing that this is all from Charlie's point of view, I suppose, so Tonks might have a very different impression of who was slacking off. Either way, I think you're setting the stage very well for what we all know is coming. The frayed threads are starting to appear on the tapestry.
Before we can get to my very favorite part of the chapter, I wanted to take a moment and compliment you on the way that Charlie reacts to his coworker, Gus. Where did they find that guy? "Bird"??? I do think he should get a chance to meet Tonks, just so she could hex him.
Anyway, on to my favorite thing about this chapter, the amazing writing you did with regard to the dragons and the way they're handled on the reservation. I would say that going back to the piece that you wrote for the Task 1 Challenge during the House Cup and following through to this chapter, you have redefined my whole thought process about the magnificent beasts and how they interact with witches and wizards.
The two dragons that Charlie is first sent to check on are both such sad stories. They were great subject matter to begin developing both the attachment and the protectiveness that Charlie feels toward his great, scaly charges. We start to see how personally upsetting it is to him to see dragons mistreated by humans. It falls perfectly in line with what you're building up to.
It's funny, by the way, to see a wizard who isn't a big fan of traveling by apparition. I guess it's such a commonplace thing in my own headcanon that I sometimes forget what a difficult time Harry had getting used to it in the books. You sell it pretty well here, though.
Again, building the headcanon. Building, building, building. I love the mythos you created around the Ironbellies. You give them such a distinct personality, both in terms of their fierceness and also how the handlers are able to manage them. Every little detail adds to the picture. I felt like something of an expert by the end of this. ;)
You did a marvelous job of showing how all of Charlie's anxieties relate to the well-being of the dragons, even his concern for his own safety. That was such a great touch. And the way he handles the would-be poacher, the outrage that he feels... perfect. Spot on. All of the little things that he does to get the dragon's trust back seemed so well thought out. You wrote this scene brilliantly. There's just nothing else to say about it.
One last thing before I leave this scene behind: I loved the over-the-top macho culture you created for the dragon handlers. I love the scary-looking guy that Charlie works for. It's a little gross, but I like the way they all seem to smoke. The way that they never, ever smile cracked me up. I had this vision of the heroes from the old spaghetti western movies that Clint Eastwood used to make before he started having conversations with chairs at the Republican National Convention. These guys (and gals, I suppose, based on Charlie's roommate) are the real deal. The John Waynes of the wizarding world.
Here's a question that popped into my head for god knows what reason as I was reading the part right after Charlie apparates home. The part where he thinks his roommate might be home, so he pulls his jeans back on. Charlie totally seems like the kind of guy who doesn't wear any underwear, am I right? He's way too macho for that.
Anyway, with that bit of randomness out of the way, the scene with Charlie and Tonks was sweet and sexually charged but also sad in a way. Sweet in that Charlie can tell how hard she's pushing herself to make their relationship work and in spite of the fact that he's had a long day and he hasn't seen her in a long time, his first thoughts are still of her well-being. Sexually charged in that... OK, really no need to elaborate there. It just is. ;) Sad in that the cracks in their relationship are already so visible. All of the things that are going to break them apart in the end are already plainly visible. Sigh.
I really loved this. You are the Dragon Mistress, you know that? You make amazing things happen with them, and you're pretty darn good with Tonks and Charlie, too! Awesome job, can't wait to see what comes next!Author's Response: Okay. I'm finally here to try and do this review some justice.
First of all, yay that you like your story ♥ it's been so much fun to write so far.
I found myself switching into third almost every paragraph with this chapter, haha, so I'm extra pleased that the first person turned out well!
Ashton Ashton... I'm not saying she won't cause any problems, but if she does, it will probably be unintentional :P
Hahahah I love Gus. He reminds me of the friend of Noah's in The Notebook. He looks like that in my head an everything. Trust me, he's far from finished with his role in this ;).
I felt so much like I did when I wrote the Task piece, and parts of this chapter. Charlie and I definitely connect in the Animal Lover part of his personality, so that was one of my favorite things to write about. I was so worried that it would be boring!
I have to say, him not liking apparation wasn't exactly my own idea. I just figured because he failed the test the first time he took it, he couldn't have enjoyed it. He's too smart and focused to fail at something that's important to him, so I assume that he barely tried during his test. Then once he realized he'd have to use it on the Reservation (probably half way through seventh year when he got accepted to intern in the program) he had to retake it. he passed, but still doesn't like it.
Oh god. THEY HAD TO SMOKE. Hahaha. It just fit. Like you said.. old Westerns. You show me a cowboy that didn't roll his tobacco during their cattle drive, and I'll show you.. an... errr... Jami that doesn't drink coffee? It just totally fit. Funny too because John Wayne of Dragons is absolutely what I thought about while writing this. And I finally got to listen to my country while working on a chapter :P.
We're not getting into Charlie's underwear situation again... ;)!!
Ahhh Dan I'm so thrilled you're enjoying this ♥ It's always so stressful publishing a chapter without *you* reading it over first. With Before They Fall I'm confident after you look it over, that it's good. With these, I feel like it's a toss up :P!
Thanks again, m'dear ♥
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