OKay your descriptions are amazing, I've got chills, you've written brilliantly.
It's so sad how you've described everything through Fleurs eyes, and having it written so we are the one who is Fleur in the story is amazing, it really hits you how it's all happening in the story and it is so heartwrenching. To see Tonks and Remus and poor Fred and feeling as though it is you going through all of this to see them, makes this so brilliantly written. You are amazing for writing this powerful and amazing one shot. Seriously it's amazing!
Fleur is amazing in this story, really truly amazing, it's great to see what she done through the war and how she is there for her family.
I really loved that Fleur would give herself up to Greyback to save the girl and that she knew how to hurt him, poor Bill's pain though and his offering himself to Greyback so Greyback could finish what he started was so sad. There were so many points in this that I just wanted to cry.
You are such a talented writer.Author's Response: Hi m'dear!!
I am so happy you enjoyed this. Showing Fleur as the woman brave enough to compete in the tri wizard tournament, instead of the air head that I see a lot of fan fiction's do, was really fun for me. I think that she's such a complex character, and I loved getting to play with her reaction in second person.
Thank you so much for all your awesome compliments and just making my day with this review ♥ I'm really happy you enjoyed this!
Jami Report Review
Jami, this story was beautifully written! I admittedly do not read second-person narratives very often, but you were able to use the technique wonderfully and draw the reader right into Fleur's shoes. The flow of this piece fit flawlessly into the context of the story. I loved your descriptions of Fleur and how you introduced us to her mindset in the midst of the battle and then went straight into her heartbreak for Fred and the intensity of the final scene with Greyback. There was so much emotion from both Fleur and Greyback during their confrontation and I loved the intensity in your writing.
Your characterization of Fleur was perfect. Often Fleur is portrayed as weak and stuck-up but I loved the powerful and brave personality that you gave her character here. You even maintained part of her softness when describing how she wouldn't fall apart until she was in Bill's arms. It was certainly refreshing and made for a very exciting yet thoughtful chapter.
One of my favorite lines from the story was, "You, the blonde princess with more intelligence than you know what to do with. How did you become a thread in the tapestry of war?" This line just summed up Fleur's role in this one-shot wonderfully. I can almost feel the bit of sarcasm in her voice as she says the beginning of this line.
Something I was curious about while reading the story was where you got the inspiration for the title. I didn't immediately make the connection between Fleur being a veela and fairy dust, though I'm assuming that's the connection you were going for? This was an amazing piece overall and I can't wait to read more.
AlliAuthor's Response: Aww Alli ♥ I was so surprised to see 'FallenTruths' on my review thingy!!
Honestly, I don't read second person much either and I really didn't think I'd write in it :P. I wanted to give this sort of a foggy poetic kind of feel though, so I really didn't have to make sense of everything going on and it could all be blurry, and this was the only way I could get that to work out. I'm so happy you liked it, though ♥
I have such a huge pet peeve with how Fleur is often portrayed. The girl was chosen for the TwizardT, she stayed by a man who'd been nearly killed, knowing that wouldn't be the last of the danger, AND she puts up with the mean way his family acts without letting it influence her love for Bill. So the way she's often shown as this selfish, air headed woman really irritates me.
Hahaha I'm so happy you picked up on the sarcasm in that! That's how it sounded in my head :P
I'm not entirely sure where the title came from. I'm sure it had something to do with the thought that Veelas do seem like fairies to me, but it kind of just popped up. Sorry, I know that's a pathetic answer, haha.
Thank you again so much for stopping by ♥ It was such a nice surprise! Report Review
I was wondering whether I should cheat, and use the review tag as a chance to read another chapter of Before They Fall, but I thought I should come and check out some of your other work instead!
I really liked Fleur’s thoughts at the beginning of this chapter, as I had to agree with her, on how even though they’re so young, they’ve been through so much, and it’s just horrible. I’ve always held a soft spot for Bill and Fleur, so her thoughts about his scarring, and how she wasn’t disgusted by it, but thought it was a mark of bravery was great.
Fleur just seemed so brave, and I know a lot of people put her down, mainly due to her being part Veela, but I don’t think that’s deserved, as seeing the war and fighting from her perspective made you realise how strong she actually is.
The narration was very unique, and though it took a while to get used to it, once I had I really enjoyed it, as it seemed to show the story in a different light.
Fleur became so attached to all of the Weasleys, even though she was treated as an outsider at first. There were so many scenes which were so poignant, for example when they’re gathered round Fred, and Charlie talks about the blood on her, yet she doesn’t seem to care that much. And her comforting Ginny, brought tears to my eyes, as they were always enemies but, it was so nice to see that they finally managed to bond.
The way she was going to hand herself over to the werewolf she just seemed to ooze bravery, and it reminded me of the way Joan of Arc got burnt to death, and it’s fitting as they’re both French! I never expected that, and I just felt so proud of her.
That was just a brilliant one-shot, and I’m glad that I came here instead, as it was so nice to see Fleur so brave, and not the girly girl, people think she is!
P.S. You say my name KEY-ah-Nah ;DAuthor's Response: Hiii Kiana ♥
I'm so happy you chose this piece! But don't ever feel bad about reviewing a BTF chapter if you run into me on review tag!
I'm happy you adjusted to the narration! This was my first time writing in second person point of view, so it was definitely an experiment. It was fun to give that sort of detached feeling, without making it as impersonal as third person would have been.
I LOVE brave Fleur! I'm so glad that you think she deserves the bad attention she gets for being a Veela, either. Not that she doesn't have her negatives. She is very full of herself and too blunt, but she was also strong enough to marry a man so involved in the war, to ignore his families disapproval, and to keep fighting along side these people.
Awww I love that you felt proud of her!! It was hard to try and figure out how these two (Fleur and Greyback) could have a strange meeting for the challenge, and this ended up falling into place the best. She wanted revenge on this monster for what he did to her husband, and she also kept her head calm enough to figure out how to handle the situation without getting herself killed. Go Fleur!
I'm so happy you liked this. Thank you so much Kiana for your lovely comments ♥ Your reviews are always so thorough and perceptive, it's crazy how much you pick up in terms of little details!!
♥ Jami Report Review
I thought it was about time I came and checked out some more of your fabulous work and couldn't resist reading about Fleur. I love the POV too! It really works well for this, giving it the detached feeling it needs.
The first few paragraphs draw you in so much and give such detail into Fleurs character. I love how much you show her love for Bill, the line 'You could have been widowed before you even said I do' just gave me chills. You also bring out the fighter in her though, she wouldn't change her life, even though she is in the middle of a war.
I'm was so hapy when I saw the paragraph about her intelligence too. Too many people write her as an air head just because she's part veela and beautiful and it really bugs me. She wasn't picked as a triwizard champion for nothing. I know she maybe didn't do as well in the tasks as she could have done but she still did amazingly well with what she faced. I should have known you'd have her character well though.
The descriptions and imagery you use are flawless in this. I could see everything that was happening as she runs through the castle fighting. Every shadow moving and every curse being fired. I felt as if I really was there running with her.
Again you bring the fighting and tough Fleur to the surface - not caring that she just killed someone. All that is important to her is her family. In this situation this is exactly how I'd expect someone to feel and you voice it beautifully.
Oh and the Weasleys still doubt her. I love how in the books she surprises everyone with how much she cares and what she does for her family. It's kind of sad that she sees them as her family yet they are still shocked by what she can do and what she actually does. You captured her personality perfectly though.
Oh poor Fred. As always I hate reading these sections - it always reminds me of the first time I read his death. I can't say I enjoyed reading it as that would be wrong for something so tragic but reading it from this POV was really interesting. Fleur feeling the loss but knowing nothing will compare to what her husband and in laws are feeling. I love that she becomes a big sister for Ginny though. If the GOF gave us anything about her character it's how good a big sister she really is.
The scene with Greyback was amazing. Again I could see everything happening so perfectly in my head. I love how as soon as she sees him she wants revenge for Bill and is clever about the way she goes about getting it. You build up the tension and suspense so well, even though I knew she had her wand I still felt my heart racing as I read on incase anything happened. This scene again is such a lovely display of the love and care Bill and Fleur have for each other. Bills cries to save her really got to me.
This is just another amazing piece of writing and I'm so so happy I came to read it! I'm not surprised you got first place!
Lauren :)Author's Response: Hi Lauren!! Sorry this response took so long ♥
This was my first try at second person, so I'll always feel a bit uncertain about it so thank you for saying that it works well ♥ I wrote it both in third and first, and they both sucked, haha. I think because second person almost gives it more of a poetic feel, and as dark as parts are, I still wanted it to have that kind of feeling. I'm not making sense... haha
I think she would be a very easy person to underestimate. She's beautiful so she must be weak, and I'm glad that you thought including her sort of fierceness and intelligence helped to capture her well ♥
I was really afraid to write Greyback up until the time actually came. Then he ended up just working well, probably because he doesn't have to talk much :P
I can't tell you how excited I am that you still got nervous! Eek! I really wanted to still have a lot of tension hanging around, despite the fact that we know Fleur has her wand.
Thank you so much for stopping by to review ♥ it's so awesome to see what you think of my different pieces, and the detail you put into these reviews is just such an incredible treat ♥
Thanks so much, m'dear! Report Review
Caoty linked to this in the Face-Off thread and here I am. Should we stop meeting like this? Neah!
First off, I don't like second-person narrative but since you've yet to dissapoint me, I figured I'd give it a shot. I liked that I didn't feel like you were talking to me, the reader, but rather she was talking to herself, giving herself the encouragement she needed to move forward.
Fleur is such a strong role-model. She is one of the most memorable figures in the books since she showed us girls everywhere that beauty, brains and courage don't have to cancel each other out. We can be all those things and be the best we can be without having to put labels on ourselves.
I could really feel Fleur's love for Bill and for her entire extended family in this, more so when she decided that her mourning should wait until they've all left the castle.
The scene with Greyback is something I can see her doing. It doesn't strike me in any way as something we wouldn't see in cannon. I picked up on the "sugar" inspiration and I was very proud of myself for that!
Great job of writting Fleur (and in second person!) so well that now I kinda want to read Bill/Fleur. Also, you're really good with the French accents. I speak French but any time I try my characters sound like they have severe gaps in their vocabulary.Author's Response: This is a GOOD MEETING WAY! heheh. It would be even better if we were on your AP with the newest ScoRose chapter ;)
I'm so happy you feel that way about Fleur. That's what I think, too. She isn't this brainless airhead -- she is a strong woman who can fight her way through difficulties and use her looks when she needs to.
You picked up on the Sugar?! Yay! I love that story of Shelby's, and really thought that sort of... mood... fit in with here.
I'm so happy you liked this. And! For french accents, I seriously just read every section Fleur ever spoke in the books, and sometimes I listen to them online :P. And now I'm going to be after you when I want Belle to use a French word. Mwahaha.
I think Bill and Fleur are a really under appreciated pairing. That woman stepped into a family that was one of Voldemort's most wanted. She left her home in France to take part in the middle of the war, and never turned away. I think she's such an awesome character, and I'm so happy that you liked my portrayal of her ♥
I'm heading over to your other wonderful review now *insert wub face with hearts*
Wow! I love what you've done with this story! The second person narration works wonderfully here, especially in the opening paragraphs. I'm interested in the contrast you produced between those first paragraphs and the action going on around Fleur - it was an effective contrast that suited Fleur. One doesn't expect her to kill because she seems to be that stereotypical princess or beautiful ballerina, and readers come to the story with preconceived notions of what Fleur appears to be, then you turn the narrative, transforming Fleur into a killer, a protector, reminding us that she is also part of the Order. That turn was really effective, and by that point, I was engrossed.
You've written Fleur perfectly here. I haven't read very much about Fleur in fanfiction, but going from what I remember in canon, you've captured the complexities of her character, navigating her relationship with the Weasleys and the way that she understands her appearance, particularly how others view her and label her as the Veela, or the beautiful girl. There's a lot more to her than that, and I liked that you revealed her little frustrations against the way that people perceive her. Those Aurors at the beginning wouldn't even believe her capable of killing, and one knows that if she looked like Bill, they would never have questioned that success of that kill. What's interesting about the second half of this story is that Fleur uses her appearance as a tool against Fenrir Greyback. She's so aware of her beauty, but not at all in the way that Ginny and Mrs. Weasley once thought. Fleur knows how beauty functions, and she's willing to take advantage of it when necessary, but otherwise, it frustrates her because no one takes her seriously.
The other aspect of her portrayal that stood out for me was that she thought of the Weasleys as her family. That is an incredibly important thing, and you include it in a brilliantly subtle way, revealing the depth of her emotional connection to the Weasleys and how much its grown since the end of HBP. It is something that the Weasleys just do - as they've done with Harry and Hermione, taking them in without question - but what's important is that Fleur has done the same. She has made them her family too. It's a small detail in your story, but it stood out as an amazing choice.
There's more I could discuss, but I've gone on long enough with this review. *hides* I really enjoyed this one-shot. It's polished and wonderfully put-together, but also a fantastic character study - in short, everything I love to see in a story. :DAuthor's Response: Hi ♥
I'm so happy that the turn from beautiful, stuck up floor to the Fleur that was a triwizard champion, who married a man when his entire family basically had a death warrant out for them, was effective.
I hate coming across a great Weasley fic, only to find out that the parts that Fleur is in, she's a snobbish, air headed woman. She made so many sacrifices. Leaving France, her home where she had safety and marrying Bill... accepting what part his family had in the war and becoming part of all that. He was nearly killed before they were married, then their wedding was destroyed, and she still stuck with him and aided whenever she could.
You summed it up perfectly. She knows how to use her beauty. She knows what beauty can do. She used it so long ago to get support for the triwizard tournament, but then we got to see that all crack a bit when she thought her sister was in danger. It can be a tool when she wants, and an annoyance when she needs to be taken seriously.
I wondered if people would dislike what I've done with her feelings for the Weasleys. Yes, they weren't best friends when they met. Fleur is blunt and outspoken, and was tactless in certain things she said. But once they moved past those things, I really think she would have considered them family. I'm so happy that you think the same ♥
Thank you so much for this wonderful review. I really did not want to respond to it, because I'm sure I just sound like a puddle of mush. Haha. This was the first piece I tried with second person, so I'm sure there are some rough parts, but the fact that you focused on the good and just made me feel like I did something really decent with this... thank you ♥ Report Review
I don't know what to say! There was just something about this one-shot that was so beautifully written and moving.
I love your characterisation of Fleur and I will admit I didn't know who it was until she spoke and then she had the French accent but when I read back over it I could see subtle little hints such as the scars on her husband and the description of her being a blonde princess. I love how you pick up on the fact that she isn't some dumb blonde with no emotions, but she actually has a brain she can use and a heart too. The love she feels for, not just Bill, but the entire Weasley family is so obvious it's heartbreaking.
I love the big sister aspect and how, even though she wants to be comforted, she know Ginny is hurting just as much, if not more then her so she goes to comfort her and the bond they have is lovely. I love it how Ginny is the only one who knows that Fleur has her wand and trust her enough to listen to her and not tell the rest of the family.
Poor Bill, I'm a sucker for stories with things like this is and I can't imagine what he was going through. His wife is sacrificing herself for someone they don't even know and although he doesn't know it, she's doing it because that's the person that attacked him. You make it so moving and then you moved on to Molly/Ginny and I was almost in tears. I can't imagine what she must have been going through, first Fred dies then Fleur is sacrificing herself and then suddenly Ginny is. I just want to give her a hug!
The second last line about the tears not escaping till you were in his arms was just so fitting and then the last line was so final and relieving, it was wonderfully worded! You've did a great job with this! :)Author's Response: Hi darling ♥ I'm so sorry about the time it took me to respond to this. I was enjoying getting to read it over and over with the intention of responding, but then always chickening out. There's no way that whatever I saw is going to appropriately convey how much I appreciate not only you reviewing this, but leaving such an awesome review ♥
Let me give it a shot, though!
Fleur is one of my favorite, favorite characters to get inside their head. I don't write her often, but I *love* it when I do. She has so many contradicting traits, and I get so annoyed at the part fan fiction usually gives her. Like you said, she's not just a dumb blonde. She marries this man after he's attacked, her wedding is destroyed and she knows that, for as long as she's a Weasley and the war is going on, she's in danger. But she stick by him and does whatever she can to help, and I think that speaks volumes about her character.
Thank you again so much for your amazingly kind words. This review was such a treat, and I can't tell you how much it has made me smile! ♥
Jami Report Review
Hi! I'm here from the review tag thread! :)
The summary for this story intrigued me, and I'm really glad that I read this. Your portrayal of Fleur was just so beautiful - you really showed that despite her beauty, she is still intelligent and still someone who will fight for her family. You really highlighted how young she and everyone else is - especially Ginny - and yet showed how they've all been forced to grow up quickly because of the war.
I especially loved this line: "How did you become a thread in this tapestry of war?" ♥ It was just so poetic, which is really evident in this one-shot - the whole story just flows like water - seamlessly, without any disjointed moments or OOCness; Fleur is just beautifully characterized here.
I can't find the words to describe that scene where Fleur kills that Death Eater! It was just so cold of her - and yet at the same time, it wasn't, because of her focus on her family; they matter more than anything else to her, and that was so lovely to read. And the way the Aurors reacted when she told them about the dead man; again, you emphasized how people constantly judge Fleur by her looks, when she can kick ass - she is a Triwizard champion, after all!
I almost cried when I read the scene where Fleur decides that her own grief is lesser than the Weasleys' because Fred was her brother-in-law, but he was a part of the Weasleys' lives, and that was just so beautiful. When you included the moment when everyone looked surprised at Fleur for having fought in the battle, it reminded me of the moment in the books when Bill was bitten by Greyback, and the Weasleys thought that Fleur wouldn't love him any more because of his scars - Fleur proved them wrong with her courage and her ability to be strong, no matter what emotional torment she was feeling, and that scene was just so beautifully canon, describing Fleur's personality beautifully.
Additionally, the way you described Fleur and Ginny's interactions was so incredible. A year ago, Ginny couldn't stand Fleur, but to see them finally become sisters was so well-written, I had tears in my eyes because I could feel what they feel and that is a testament of your amazing skills as an author.
Greyback's characterization was also spot on - the way he behaved was just so like the Greyback in the books. I quite like the way that Fleur reacted to him - while it seems slightly unlikely for her to put herself in that position when her husband was right there, heartbroken, I understand that it was necessary for the challenge. :)
I must confess that I'm not normally a fan of second person narrative - I am insanely picky, but this was just so beautifully written that I felt as if I was Fleur, and you were guiding me through my memories of the Battle of Hogwarts. And this is your first time writing second person narrative? What?! That this is your first story using this type of narrative, and yet you've pulled it off so spectacularly, just blows my mind.
I only caught a couple of typos: "But you continue on down the crumbing staircase" - you didn't need to add "on", as "continue" is sufficient on its own. Also, crumbing is missing an "L". ;) In this sentence, "She knows, and your instantly thankful", "your" should actually be "you're". And "He sounds concerned, but not frighting. He knows you’ve seen worse." - frightened?
This was a wonderful one-shot and I'm so glad that I've read it. I'd like to apologize for the delay it took me to review; I did start writing the review as soon as I posted in the review tag thread but halfway through, I had to make dinner (and then eat it) so this review is a little late - sorry! ♥Author's Response: Hi m'dear! Sorry for taking ages to respond to this!
I have a huge pet peeve when people portray Fleur as this stupid, mean girl. No, she might not be the most welcoming person, and she might appear to be less intelligent because she is very pretty -- but she also was made a triwizard champion and she made herself sick worrying about her sister when during the Black Lake event. Then on top of that, she married a man whose family was probably one of the most wanted by an evil murderous wizard, stuck by him after he was disfigured, and continued to be supportive of fighting the war after her wedding day was destroyed. She's such an amazingly complex character to me, and I think a lot of people forget the details that JKR put in to show her good qualities, and focus on the things that the Weasley girls thought about her.
I really had fun playing with Fleur's more.. ruthless side, in this. I don't want you to almost cry... but still, I'm a bit happy that i made it emotional enough to pull at your feels when they talk about Fred's death. I was exhausted after writing this little one shot. After all the emotions I put Fleur through, I needed a nap :P
Ahhh thank you for your compliments on the second person narrative! ♥ I tried third and first both, and wanted to pull my eyes out. I was SO happy when I started working with second person and it actually began cooperating :P
You review has made my week ♥ thank you again for all your awesome compliments. And thank you for pointing out the typos!! That was awesome of you to actually tell me where they are. I'll get people that say, 'I noticed a few typos' but that's all. It isn't their job to proof read my story of course, but if I didn't catch the typos the first fifty times I read through, I'm clearly not going to catch them now. So yeah, it always makes me super happy when someone tells me the actual typo they noticed ♥
I'm so happy you enjoyed this ♥ Report Review
It's your Secret Santa here ;)
This was so unusual! I rarely read second person stories on here, so it's always nice to have a change. The first thing I noticed was the lovely style of this and how ethereal and soft it was, almost like poetry compared with the unusual tense. From what I've read of yours it's also a different direction for your writing so well done on trying new things!
The style actually romanticises what is a very mournful and serious story topic, though. I thought you did everything so excellently and showed the true desperation of people during these times, through the eyes of Fleur. It was really beautifully done and was such a joy to read. How she had the plan was so well executed and was just perfect.
Greyback in this was actually terrifying! I thought you wrote him really well and that he was the perfect 'bad guy' for this situation. Bill's grief when Fleur took the girl's place was so heartbreaking too, considering what had happened to him at the hands of Greyback. I actually think this piece is one of your best and I hope you consider writing more stories like this in the future! I would most definitely read them if you did.
Merry Christmas!Author's Response: Poetry! That's exactly the sort of feel I wanted for this. Ahh! Your a super awesome SS, you know that? :P
I am so happy you think this piece is one of my best! It was one of those that just started writing itself, and those always seem to be the ones that work out the best. I've actually started another one shot in second person as a present for a friend, so hopefully it will turn out well! Your review on this has really made me want to finish the one i just started, though!
Thank you again for the amazing, detailed, thoughtful reviews ♥ Report Review
This was such an enjoyable read and I'm so, so glad I selected it. I was first pulled into it by the banner -- I have a very soft spot for stories about the Weasley brothers or their spouses, and so Fleur is no different. I decided I definitely had to read this story when I looked over the reviews and saw all the (what I know know to be very very well earned) glowing praise it's received.
Fleur is such an intriguing character!! She's of course very beautiful and is often perceived as being rather cold -- given her portrayal in GoF, but she must also be loving and brave to have stood beside bill through such difficult and dangerous times, and I think you captured the complexity of her character really really well in this story. I found the parts where she's forcing herself not to feel or cry b/c it's not her place, it's their time to grieve and her time to be strong for them. I think this is the sort of mentality that is often perveived as coldness in canon. From the outside, I think it'd be very easy to assume that somebody not crying in such a horrifying state of affairs was a cold person, but seeing her thoughts and grief in the absence of her tears speaks to her very caring protective nature. She's really rather maternal, I think -- I imagine her to be a wonderful mother to Victoire, Dom and Louis.
I was also really moved when she saw Ginny as Gabrielle. When she said that one of her best skills was being a good sister. When you described Ginny not as a young woman, but as a child -- it all really served to put this battle and its insensible losses into perspective. they really are (most of them) only children. Whenever fic reminds me of just how young these impromtu, willing soldiers who fought and died in this battle, I'm always reminded of the quotes JKR chose to place in the front of DH and feel the emotions I felt the very first time I read them all over again. It's not very often that people represent Ginny in a soft light, and I really appreciated the way you handled her character here.
Annd the action! Wowee! It was all really well done. I love the presence of mind that Fleur had to grab Ginny's wand before offering herself over to Greyback. I cannot even believe what had to be running through Bill's mind during those few moments, already having lost so much.
Gosh, Jami... this is spectacular. I know that you said that this was your first second person fic, but you really did quite well balancing the disconnect inherent to the style with Fleur's rather personal thoughts. I often find that if you start writing a fic and it just comes out in the second person that it is meant to be and it will work if you see it through. This reads like such a story and I'm glad you were brave enough to see it through. The result is really quite excellent.
Great story and great swap!! Keep up the great work, my dear, you're fab.
MelissaAuthor's Response: I'm so happy you chose this piece! I didn't want to link it, just because I know it's not everyone's cup of tea.. but yeah I did back flips inside when I saw the new review for it. Also, I'm replying to it now because if I don't I'll chicken out and it'll sit here for days. ANYWAY.
Fleur is one of my very favorite characters to write about because of those complexities. She married a man who was part of a family of the biggest blood traitors, some of the most target by Voldemort... she stuck by him after her wedding was attacked by Death Eaters.. and when she's portrayed as that stupid, mean girl that has nothing but looks going for her I just want to scream. I'm so happy that you felt like I did justice to her complexities in this. And I think your exactly write about what she's doing because while she's not crying, that may come off to the people that don't know her well as cold, it's anything but. She just knows that she doesn't deserve to hurt the way these people are, she needs to help them. And I totally agree with your opinion on what a good mother she'd make. The fact that she's so protective of her younger speaks volumes about her character, imo.
For Athene Goodstrengths Strange Meeting challenge I was assigned these two, and I knew that the only realistic meeting would be during the battle. So, though I'm not entirely convinced she would be the one to step up knowing what kind of fear it would cause Bill, I do think the scenario ended up working well in this.
Ahhh I'm so happy you liked the second person ♥ And this story.. You know how much I love your writing, so seeing all these nice complements from you just makes me want to hug you so hard until you make a squeeze noise. At least, that's what I do to Tryp :P Thanks for such an awesome swap, m'dear ♥ Report Review
So, true story: I was going to read We'll Be Missing You (because if it got to be a featured one-shot at TGS, then it must be good!), but when I saw that this was a Bill/Fleur story I sort of stumbled over myself; ever since writing my own Bill/Fleur one-shot, I've had a soft spot for them, as does tend to happen. And I daresay that I chose well, for I really did enjoy this!
Fleur was so brave in the sixth and seventh books -- I think a thought of people wrote her off after Goblet of Fire as really just being a pretty face, but there's definitely a reason her name was chosen for the tournament in the first place. And I think you got that very well here. I never really had much of an appreciation for her character until I sat down to actually write her (which always seems to happen to me), but she was brave. And her love for Bill, too, was written well, and again, that's a testament to her courage. I loved her plan for revenge on Greyback; that was very ingenious, taking Ginny's wand. I can't imagine being in Bill's place, though, having just lost a brother, thinking he's going to lose a wife... So I'm really pleased that it turned out all right in the end. :3
And you wrote in second person! What an interesting choice for this story -- I'd never have thought of telling this particular snippet in that point of view, but it works. Second person is one of my favorite things to write, actually, and I was pleasantly surprised to find out I'd clicked on a story that uses it. Sometimes when it's utilized it can make the story feel detached -- though, of course, that is occasionally a good thing -- but you still let us into Fleur's thoughts here, which is good. This was a story built on emotions, and second person was a risky but effective maneuver to use on that front, so props to you there!
I really did enjoy reading this, and I'm very pleased that you pointed me in the direction of this story! And while we're on the subject of stories, I'm rather sorry that my review thread's been closed for so long. Hopefully before too much more time passes, I can re-open it; I see you've got quite a few more chapters of Before They Fall up! Hoping to talk to you soon, Jami, and again, good job! ♥Author's Response: Hi Rachel!!
I've been putting of responding to this because it's just so lovely and ahh. but, here I am!
I was assigned Fleur and Greyback as my strange meeting pairing, and knew I'd have to do a battle of Hogwarts scene. I didn't love that idea, because I just feel like they're over done. But after trying a handful of things, it came back to this. And somehow second person came out instead of first, haha! I was so happy that I stuck with it, because it was such a fun style to write in!
I think Fleur is such an amazing character. She marries a man whose family is some of the most hated by Voldemort, risks her life for the man she loves and his family numerous times, and stays herself no matter how insulted she gets by the female Weasleys. She's just so awesome!
I am so happy you enjoyed this! And thank you for offering to review ♥ I've missed these quite a bit!
Ahh I will be stalking your review thread the day it reopens! And I'm very excited to see if you've think I've improved as a writer from the last time you reviewed Before They Fall.
Thanks again for this amazing review, Rachel ♥ Report Review
This was wonderful! I was pleasantly pleased when I saw that this was written so well and you captured Fleur's character so well.
I feel like Fleur always got a lot of criticism from everybody but really, she does carry a light in her that captures people not just because of her look but because of her strength and intelligence.
It was a interesting twist to bring Greybeck into the story, and how Fleur saved the little girl when no one else stepped forward first.
Very well done! Found this story through the review tag thread but I was very happy to have read this. :)Author's Response: Hi darling!
I am so happy you liked my portrayal of Fleur! She is one of my favorite characters, although I don't think she ever really gets enough credit for how brave she is. I agree with you, that it's her personality as much as her looks that really capture people.
Thank you so much for the review, darling ♥
I loved the second-person narrative! I can't remember if I've ever tried that style before, but it looks like it would be difficult to pull off. Your use of it here was very fitting and it really did make me feel like I was standing in Fleur's shoes.
It takes a lot of different angles to make a character believable, and one of the things I noticed about this one-shot was that it wasn't just Fleur's accent and actions that made her Fleur-like, it was also your sentence structure. You utilized shorter sentences in places and it made everything come out quicker and fiercer - a lot like Fleur herself. So I was very impressed with that.
Fleur gets so much flack, but honestly she was very brave. Brave enough to be selected in the Triwizard Tournament. Brave enough to stick with Bill even when Bill's mother and a few of his siblings did very little to downplay their dislike of her. She had to have felt so unwelcome at certain times, but she stayed anyway. She seems to really like a challenge - living in an English-speaking country instead of in France, becoming attracted to a man who's connected with the biggest anti-Voldemort movement in the world, etc. You brought out every one of her admirable qualities in this story, and it made me like her even more. You reminded us of how much she loves Bill, scarred as he is, and how thankful she is that he's still alive. You reminded us that the Weasleys really are her new family now, and she put herself in harm's way to help protect them, to fight for them even though she hadn't grown up in a country as affected by Voldemort.
Her thoughts about how she didn't deserve to mourn Fred like the others were currently doing was touching and probably very correct. Even though Fred was her brother-in-law, in moments like this you have to put yourself in last place. You have to be the pillar of support instead of the person grieving, because they were closer to Fred. When she said she had to be strong and bottle everything up, that she had lost so little and they so much, displays her ability to detach from emotional events with some perspective for the sake of holding it together. Her parents and sister are safe, and the Weasleys are in the middle of a hurricane. I admire her for recognizing that. She really is an intelligent and empathetic woman.
It was really compelling to get inside her head and watch her assess her enemy, forcing herself to block out her personal anger with him and all he did to Bill so that she could think clearly. What she noticed about his arm, and what she did with Ginny's wand, was a great twist. It shows how perceptive and level-headed under intense pressure she is. And how she makes herself hold back tears until she's in Bill's arms - both very romantic and very fierce. She's such a strong character! You did her wonderful justice.
I enjoyed this a lot. :)Author's Response: Hi darling! I don't think a review response has even taken me so long :(. I'm so sorry! But this is so scary to reply to!!!
I am happy that you think I did Fleur justice in this! I really don't like when she's the brainless blonde people make her out to be. She's done so much, put her life on the line too many times to not be an incredibly strong woman. And I just really wanted to show that with her.
My thoughts are identical to yours about her being brave enough to become part of a family that is Voldemort's most wanted, and really just endure everything that she never would have had to if she would have stayed in France.
You have no idea how excited this review was to get. I love your writing so much and really look up to you as an author, so yeah I basically just can girl squeed for a few days straight :P.
Second person wasn't intended at first, then it just started happening. Whenever I've written poetry, it's been in this narrative, and it somehow feels closer, like it's breathing down your neck. I'm so happy that you think it worked with this!
Thank you again so much for tagging me, this is going to be one of the reviews I go back to when I get those 'I am a terrible writer and never touching a keyboard again' feelings.
♥ Report Review
Happy birthday, Jami! This is your birthday review and my birthday present to read another fantastic story by you.
I really, really loved this. There was so much win in this piece, both writing and characterization wise. I am absolutely overwhelmed by how you captured Fleur in this. You gave her a depth and edge I haven't read before. There was a reason she got picked by the Goblet and you proved it here completely. All her emotions crushed me and they were so perfectly in place, like her view of the family. She ached, too, but understood it couldn't be compared to their pain. I adored that she didn't view Bill's scars as scars that ruined his pretty face, but how they are a constant reminder of how worse it could have been. Also, the support she provided for Ginny, seeing Gabrielle in her, was lovely and so sad! It was very nice seeing it, though, as Ginny and Fleur didn't always get along, but in war all the differences are put aside and the family has to stick together. It was beautifully portrayed.
How did you become a thread in the tapestry of war? I'm totally in love with this line. It's so imaginative.
She's also sort of ruthless in here, fighting like a lion for those she loves, and it was really cool! Like I said, edgy Fleur for the win! There were so many characters that had their moments of glory in this battle we haven't seen in books that I'm really glad you wrote this. You made me feel so much closer to Fleur and her inner world. The second person worked extremely well in this case, I think. I was really just losing myself in it. Great job on that. :) Oh and as usual, I had serious chills reading this! My eyes glued to the screen, waiting for what will happen and so on, but mostly from the characterization. You've done extremely well. You brought her alive more than the books have, and that's saying something. I think this is one of my favorite one-shots of yours. Or at least it's a serious tie with Capture the Dark. Whatever, actually, doesn't matter, because I'm starting to think that whatever you write it'll just kill me in the most positive sense of the word.
I loved it. Wonderful writing. :)
LizAuthor's Response: Liz! FINALLY responding! Thank you so much for stopping by and for the birthday review ♥ you absolutely made my day!
Fleur is easily one of my favorite characters. The books don't do her justice. I hate when she's a ditsy stupid blonde, because this girl was selected to compete in the Triwizard tournament. Bill Weasley, an intellegent and capable man, fell in love with her and married her. SHE married a man whose family was heavily involved with the war and CHOSE a difficult life knowing the dangers... and yeah. I just can't stand when she isn't given her credit, so I'm extra happy that you see her the same way I do.
I am so happy you liked edgy Fleur! I really want to write more about her one day, but not until Before They Fall is closer to being finished :P.
Thank you again Liz for all your amazing reviews. I'm going to be smiling like an idiot for the next day after rereading this awesome one ♥ Report Review
Hey! Sorry this is so late! :)
So I think you did a great job using second-person! It can be very tricky, but it's also kind of fun, and I agree with the rationale you provided for using it. I also liked how this didn't focus on the "major" players in the final battle -- it was nice to see things from a different angle and different eyes.
I also really like your characterization of Fleur, and the way you played with it using imagery here. I noticed little dashes of traditional girly symbolism, like the ballet shoes and the fluttering eyelashes. Here, Fleur harnesses her femininity as her power, and I love the message that conveys throughout the piece, that she's much tougher than she looks. Going along with that, I liked her callous attitude toward those she was pursuing. There were several lines where she just went mechanically forward, as you said, wiping away the blood and pushing on. I especially liked how you emphasized that she felt nothing when she first killed someone. It had this beautiful raw ring to it that thrilled me.
My critique here would be that I think you built up the action a little too much toward the end. I think you could have spent the whole piece playing with Fleur in smaller, more subtle ways. I just don't know if she's quite strong enough to be made the hero there at the end -- I don't know if anyone would be. To me, characters meeting their limits is part of what makes good characterization, what really helps me get to know an unknown figure. I do think it was good to give her the spotlight; I just think that you may have given her too much. Hopefully that critique makes some sense to you.
This was lovely! Again, sorry my review is so late!
-AmandaAuthor's Response: Oh goodness don't worry! I know your RL is crazy right now!
I'm so happy you like this piece! Writing from second person was definitely a new challenge, and I enjoyed it so much more than I thought I would! Fleur is one of those characters that I just love writing about. Which is probably why I've given Belle so many of her qualities :P
To be completely honest, the only reason Fleur takes center stage at the end is because for the challenge she and Greyback needed to have a meeting of some sort. Haha. If this had really happened, in my head it would have been Charlie in a second that delivered Greybacks curse. And it would have been the killing curse... I played with everything from having Fleur attend Greyback's trial and end up needing to speak against him, and having her visit Azkban while she's pregnant because she can't get over this terrible fear that he'll come after her children, and needs to see him behind bars. Finally I settled on the most obvious scenario, during the battle. Although I'm still not 100% happy with how little time I was able to give these two to take center stage, it played out better than my other attempts :P.
Wow.. sorry for the unrelated ramble :P. And I absolutely agree with your critique, by now she probably would have not only collapsed of exhaustion, but let her husband take over fighting. I was just too afraid that wouldn't count as an actual meeting.
Ah I am so happy you liked the raw-ness of her feelings toward killing the man, because I was a bit unsure about that. Sometimes I tend to take her ability to be cold a few steps too far...
Thank you so much for all the amazing reviews you've given me, m'dear, and I hope that you're able to start your thread back up after RL settles back down ♥ Report Review
This was an amazing one-shot. I absolutely loved reading it. I can't wait to narrate it for a podcast xD I hope I am able to do justice to it, though not sure if I can get the accent right. But I'll try my best! Awesome story! Loved it!
ADAuthor's Response: I'm so excited to hear how it turns out! And even more excited that you liked it! It was a new style for me, but Fleur's one of my favorites to write.
And I am sure you won't only do it justice, but that it will turn out incredible :). Report Review
Hi Jchrissy, I do believe I reviewed a chapter of Before They Fall (which I'm still following, sorry about the lack of reviews - I don't usually review every chapter of someone's story :L)
I love how it's in 2nd person. It just works really well, from start to finish, it's like you're in Fleur's head, understanding how she feels about everything. I especially like her disgust at people thinking she's just a pretty damsel in distress, because it's very believable - you write Fleur really well!
Aw, poor Bill, I think he's great, he's usually the calm one, but his anguish to see his wife just give herself up like that was emotional, aw.
Also, I really liked Ginny's role because she's very understanding of Fleur's position, as in they're both used to the males in their lives wanting to protect them!
So all in all, I really liked this and I'm glad I revisited your page! :)Author's Response: Hi there darling! I am so happy you're still following Before They Fall! A lot of the the review I get are requested, so knowing that you're reading it just because they want to makes my day ♥
I'm so pleased that you liked this one shot. It was really fun writing in second person, and for some reason it just fit. Fleur is one of my favorite characters, so it was nice to be able to show how complex I think she is.
Thank you so much for stopping by, this review was such an awesome surprise ♥
Jami Report Review
Okay, so you know how my reviews work. I type as I go... So I’m going to start by saying, that’s one stunning banner you have there. Nice one, ImposedWriter! Haha.
I’ve been excited for this story ever since you pulled those names out of the imaginary hat (it’s actually a massive spreadsheet)... and you definitely haven’t disappointed! I’ve mentioned to you before, that just the title itself seems so perfect. And I, like Caoty, *love* your Fleur. I think I’d find Fleur quite hard to write, as we only see her through Harry’s eyes, and the only female interpretation of her that we get is what Ginny, Hermione and Molly say about her behind her back. But, Bill loves her. AND she’s a Triwizard champion. And she’s not entirely human (I guess, like her husband now!). So there’s certainly more to her than her looks, and you definitely bring that out in this story. You’ve also found one of her greatest attributes that we *do* see in JKR’’s work - her loyalty, her utter devotion to her family - and brought that out. Your Fleur not only feels canon to me, but she also kicks a whole lotta butt, whilst still being terrified and vulnerable and beautiful.
I know you were trying to make me cry with your Fred story... but jeeez, Jami! This one too? That scene by Fred’s body, when she’s thinking of her own loss but recognising the terrible loss the Weasleys must be feeling... I got teary eyed. And then. And then, Fleur sees Gabrielle in Ginny’s face, and I imagine my little sister’s face, and Fleur becomes the big sister, holds Ginny and... I CRIED, OKAY?
So, I’m barely holding it together, this is a very sad scene, and then all of a sudden, it’s action again! Greyback has hold of a little girl! And then, the tension as we wait to see what Fleur will do, as the whole room watches and the Weasleys are terrified... And then action again! You really are mistress of this rollercoaster, Jami.
I think perhaps one of the best things you did was to have Fleur asking that Greyback *not* be killed. It would be all too easy to write it that way, but instead your Fleur shows ‘mercy’ - and is utterly cool-headed and vengeful about it. It reminds me of the tension between her looks and her brain. She’s beautiful, pure and silvery - but she’s fast, and ruthless, and vengeful too. I love it. She’s the perfect counterbalance to her Weasley husband.
Speaking of whom, he and his family and the Delacour family are clearly the centre of her world; maybe she and Molly have more in common than they realise.
Your writing in this story is just fantastic. You use so many wonderful images, and you slip them in so subtly that they don’t jar at all, and it doesn’t seem oversaturated either. I can’t even start picking out my favourite lines because I’d be replicating most of the story. That said, this line right at the start really got to me: “You could have been widowed before you even said I do.” Gah. It says a lot. The way lives were put on hold, young lives lost, the fact that Fleur would have considered herself a widow (she really is a steadfast, loyal, family-loving woman, isn’t she?). Perfect.
I’m not normally a fan of the second person, as it seems unnatural and can be hard to get right; but the way you’ve handled it here is utterly perfect. I barely notice it being employed, and that, to me, is the mark of a good 2nd person narrative. SO GOOD.
This story wouldn’t have worked for me in the first person, and third person would have been too distant, I think. So *applause* you never cease to impress me.
I noticed a couple of things: “But you continue on down the crumbing staircase” - you don’t need the ‘on’ - ‘continue’ does that for you. Also, ‘crumbing’ needs an ‘L’ in it somewhere :P
Also, “He sounds concerned, but not frighting. He knows you’ve seen worse. ” - frightened?
Overall - I really, really enjoyed this story. I love the way you manage to lull me into a false sense of security in an action-packed story! Haha. It’s like, ‘oh man, I’m glad that’s over - Fleur can now get on and grieve with her family. OH NO! Greyback! I forgot this story is for my challenge!’. You handle the ‘Meeting’ brilliantly. I’m so glad you picked these two characters. Loved it, loved it, loved it.
Athene xxxAuthor's Response: *Deep breath* HOWAMISUPPOSEDTORESPONDTOTHISAMAZINGNESS?
Phew. Okay. I'll try.
Fleur is one of my favorite 'every so often' characters. You know how sometimes they just work? She usually does. I did have trouble trying to get her to behave at first, but once I switched into second person I really felt like it clicked. And like you said she isn't entirely human. That Veela side goes a long way into not only making her beautiful, but giving her a certain kind of anger that she's able to own and act on. She's not breakable, and we know that she does/says what she wants. So when she kills a man to defend herself, it isn't going to crush her. She did it because it was necessary, and she's not going to care.
Ah I totally knew the bit about Fleur looking at Ginny and all the sudden she was Gabrielle would get you! Because.. maybe she wasn't the nicest person in the world before, but she is a very loyal big sister. And regardless of their first opinions on each other, she's Ginny's big sister now. And and and. I think that's all about that. I didn't actually mean to make you teary, though!! Promise!!
I never thought I'd write a second person piece!! You should have heard me complaining to Dan ( I couldn't complain to you, it was your challenge!) But email after email I'm whining about how it won't work and I can't do a battle aftermath because none of it feels right and blah blah and Dan's telling me to push through because it would be the best scenario and I just wanted to throw my computer. But, I do love writing poetry, and I always write that in second person. So I started to just play around a bit, and it worked. And I was thrilled when it worked because then I could stop being mad a Fleur for making my life difficult!
Writing Fleur's sneaky side to make Greyback think she was unarmed was my favorite part. Because the whole time we hear about her wanting revenge, she never thinks about saving the girl. She wanted to, of course, but more than anything she wanted to see him captured and imprisoned. You are so write when you say she's ruthless and vengeful. I think that might be partly why I love writing her so much. She's just such a contradicting person.
Okay, I'm done rambling. But you are so awesome and I just want to squeeze you ♥
Jami! Good gracious alive, woman, I just don't know about you sometimes! One minute I'm thinking "Yeah, the style of Before They Fall is totally where's she meant to be" and then you pull something like this. I really like that you're climbing out of your safe little box and exploring. But honestly, this is so you, honey. This angsty, dramatic, beautiful mess (as in angsty, not that it doesn't flow! :P) is so suited to your writing style.
I'd first like to say that your manipulation of second person is to die for. I'm picky. Very freaking picky when it comes to second person. It has to be written just so for me to really become engaged. You literally had me after the first paragraph. I was set - I was so amped and nervous for what was going to happen. One thing I particularly enjoy about second person is its ability, in the hands of the right author, to attach itself to the reader. The reader and the story become so inexplicably intertwined. I couldn't help but be totally and completely invested in EVERY SINGLE WORD. There was /something/ that I can't put my finger on about this story. Perhaps it's the second person and your style combined that honestly had me in tears. I was this ridiculous, weepy mess. I believe that, as readers, we project some (or most or even all) of ourselves into the story - that's why we're all so in love with the Harry Potter series. I have to admit that I projected myself into the story. I felt that it was me. I know so intimately those emotions. Good gracious and holy Harry Potter, Jami.
Your second paragraph was absolutely phenomenal. Goodness, isn't it the truth? Like, when you've got someone that you love, you honestly look past those things that everyone else notices. It connected with me on this deep, personal level. The things that are abnormal and strange are what pull you toward someone. I couldn't help but thinking about a certain person. Look what you do to me! Only a fabulous writer can do that to me, I promise you that!
And holy fangirl squee, your use of "Come here, sugar" was the best thing I've ever read in my life. (You didn't have to credit me, by the way, but thank you!). That piece of dialogue put the icing on the cake in that particular scene - it characterized Greyback so well! Ah, I can't even.
So. Many. Emotions.
"And now, for the first time all night, you let yourself feel." - So simple, yet so profound. It just encompasses the love, passion, fear, angst, and strength of Fleur in twelve wonderfully crafted words. You craft your sentences so beautifully and with such a seeming ease. It seems to come naturally. There is no need for large, arrogant words - you say it all in this quiet, yet blunt way.
Jami, honestly you've broken my heart and healed me at the same time. It offers so much hope both in the story itself and in real life. That's skill, darling. Skill. I'm an emotional person, but I've been reading books for so long, I can sort of detach myself - so to reach through my English major/reader extraordinaire barrier, goodness, that takes talent. And talent you have.
I'm sorry this is all fangirlish and about me and how I love this. I was going to try to be objective and look at the story for the aspects of its style, characterizations, plot, descriptions - but no, I just couldn't - you hit me on an emotional level.
I /love/ this.
ShelbyAuthor's Response: Eek! You're going to make me all mushy/gooey/feelsy!
I was so surprised at how much fun I had writing this. I tried it in both third and first person, and neither of them did it for me. Then I started trying to do something a bit more poetic, and BAM! Fleur really just behaved better when it was like I was a spectator, telling her as she goes. The whole time in my head I had a ghost like image of her, egging the other one on, telling the other one what was happening. I know, that sounds crazy. But it made sense at the time, haha.
Okay so this is going to sound super weird, BUT! in Come, Sugar.. the man that did that to Rose. He was also Greybackish in my mind. The way he talked, the way he stalked her.. and the same monster from your amazing story just kind of rubbed off on me and the entire time I was writing Greyback, it was just the same terrible one. So when I typed Come here, sugar, I was like OH!THIS IS WHY GREYBACK IS SO EASY! Shelby already wrote him in a different creepy monster form! Haha. Did any of that make sense? NO?? Well, it is 8:30 in the morning...
I am so happy you liked this, Shelby ♥ you were the first person I thought about after finishing it, and how bad I wanted to know your opinion on it. It was a lot of fun to step out of my comfort zone a little, and do something new.
Your review has just made me want to sit here with little hearts and birds singing around my head all day. I can't even tell you how awesome your support is to have ♥ Report Review
First of all, gorgeous banner. Also I'm very interested to read this story because of the narration style. So here we go!
Nice opening; it draws the reader in. However I feel that the flow between these sentences is awkward: "You love them. But it could have been more." I think you should be more descriptive than the word "it," or put a sentence in-between to lead into it. Your language is so beautiful here and I would hate to think of something detracting from it! :)
Speaking of beautiful language, I love "another thread in the tapestry of war" and "aim straight and curse quickly." Since you asked about descriptive language getting in the way of things, I think I would remove the "shattered" from "creeping behind every shattered wall." It does get in the way of your flow a bit, and it's a strange word to use when thinking of (at least literal) walls, which are thick and sturdy and don't shatter so much as crumble, etc.
I think you're doing a really good job with her characterization. We get a really good feel for her desperation and love for her family, but that Fleur-esque arrogance is still there. "You're smarter than him. Better." I do wonder about using her accent when she's talking, because I think that was something JKR did to poke fun at her or for a bit of whimsy. Maybe if you didn't spell out her dialect and instead just stated something about her French accent.
I really like how her family turned out to be the Weasleys--I was expecting to see the Delacours. Really nice twist; although the part about seeing the the sheet of long hair was misleading (unless you intended it to be?) because I thought it was her sister's. Is it actually Ginny's, then?
I had to stop reviewing as I went because the last few paragraphs were so thrilling, hehe. Really nice. Fleur is much tougher than many people assume, and this is a great tribute to that.
Really nice work, as always! :)Author's Response: Hi darling! Thank you so much for stopping by!
For some reason I never actaully meant to try and make you think Delacours, haha. I think mainly because I assume they weren't invovled in this war at all, but just over in France. I don't even think Fleur would have told them how dangerous it really was. There's too much of a risk of Gabrielle wanting to be closer to her sister, and that wouldn't be safe for anything. But still, I always love tricking, so it's fun that you were imagine the Delacours at first ;).
Yes, the hair was Ginny's :). I'll try and make that more clear, thanks for pointing out that it was a bit misleading :)!
Thanks again for stopping by, and I'm so happy you enjoyed it! Report Review
Hello, dear! You are cranking out the stories lately. I love it!
And I absolutely adore the way you write Fleur. She's a lioness in your stories, dedicated to protecting her pride. There's nothing fragile or timid about her. This is the girl that the Goblet of Fire selected above all others from her school. This is the girl who went toe to toe with Harry, Cedric and Krum. Not the vain, pitiful trophy Fleur that I get in so many fan fics.
Like nearly all of her contemporaries in the books, she did have to grow up much too fast. All of her observations and thoughts reinforced the way that life hardened these kids. It made the skills that she exhibits later in the chapter seem like a perfectly logical by-product of a life spent on the razor's edge, risking death to support the ones she loved.
I feel like there are those who are going to... hmmnnn... maybe "take issue" isn't quite the right way to put it, but it isn't perfectly consistent with the end of Deathly Hallows. The book made it sound like Voldemort's death was literally The End of the war. A glorious celebration erupted before his body was even cold and what of his followers remained simply disappeared or something. Honestly, I like your version much better. There's simply no way that it was that tidy. Bellatrix might have been Voldemort's "last, best lieutenant" to fall, but certainly there were dozens of others who remained unaccounted for. The scene of the battle must have been a dangerous place for some time. Anyone who was facing life in Azkaban wouldn't have given up easily.
The idea of Fleur being so hardened, so jaded that she kills her attacker without a second thought, it's one of those things that really puts the brutality of war into context. It's that Mediterranean pragmatism taken to an absurd extent. The supremely casual way she shrugs off the blood she's wearing is the perfect compliment to the sentiment: "His or yours? You don’t care. You’ll wash it away the first chance you get." Wow. I love that line. And then the Aurors try to talk down to her? Pshahh! She's having none of that.
I loved the way you continued to build this incredibly powerful persona after she locates the others. She refuses to crumble, to let her feelings out, to show any weakness at all. She can see that the others are devastated by the loss of Fred. She has performed her own mental triage and her pain is secondary to theirs. "You don’t deserve to hurt the way they do, not now. You need to stay strong." Again, such a strong statement of where her mind is at in that moment. The ability to compartmentalize her feelings is so uncommon.
Then she moves on to Ginny. I understand the need to keep the story moving, but for some reason I just wanted that part to go on and on. The two of them have such a strained history. When she and Bill first get together, Ginny can't stand Fleur. She called her "Phlegm", for pete's sake. To see Fleur embracing Ginny like that at one of the lowest moments of her young life really seemed like one of the little things that ultimately allow the Weasleys to rebuild their shattered family.
You did an awesome job of writing Greyback. Savage and cowardly, brutal and bloodthirsty, lecherous and devoid of conscience. The character gets so little play in the books, but to me he's always seemed like he was second only to Voldemort when it came to willingly forgoing his humanity in pursuit of power. So the completely amoral way that he tries to bargain his way out of the Great Hall was perfect.
Fleur's need to get even and the way she translated it into her brilliant little tactic completed this marvelous character you spun. She's still so caught up in her need to be the strong one, the able one, the one that all of the others can lean on in their time of grief. She takes it upon herself to defeat the final monster. The way that she realizes that Greyback is injured and how to capitalize on it when everybody else is too caught up in their own emotions continued to build on that idea that she is a woman who is completely in control. Her grief remains walled off, and she focuses her anger and uses it to find a way. And that control even extends to the end. She manages to convince the others not to kill the monster, to leave him to his fate.
I loved the way you wrote this. You have an amazing knack for turning a phrase, to picking just the right words to maximize the impact of these ideas. It all flowed so nicely, and the story just literally flies by. I would have loved to have more, but of course that wasn't the point. Great job, loved it, please update soon! ;)Author's Response: I'm here I'm here! First of all, Before They Fall does NOT love me cranking out stories, haha!
You know my insanely soft spot for Fleur. And most of the time Belle is more of a recreation of her than anything, haha. She just never gets enough credit. She was a champion, then she was a terrified big sister, then she was a confident engaged woman who didn't let her new family's comments drive her away. I mean she's a pretty awesome character.
Voldemort was defeated then the whole world smiles. Really, because I think I saw an army of hundreds of wizards wanting to defeat the 'good guys' and you're telling me every one of those people just disappeared? Sure, some of them were in it just for safety, plenty were in it because they believed in their cause. They didn't just bow down with their tails behind their legs. That's like saying ever Nazi that served under Hitler just skipped off into the sky afterward. That's what goes on in my head if someone comments that after Voldemort was defeated none of that happened ;). That was a huge castle, Harry couldn't see everything going on. I'm happy you agree with me on this, because no I can vent to you if I get called out for it ;)
That was actually one of my favorite lines too. She's more concerned about washing the blood away then knowing who it is. She's a bit scary! But I love it.
I think her need to get revenge, to know he's going to suffer for the rest of his life, was my favorite part to write. She had to watch her husband to be nearly die, and though his scars don't bother her in the sense of what they did with his features, could you imagine seeing those on the person you love every day and know that they almost killed him? It's a constant reminder that, yes you're both so lucky, but you didn't have to be. And that kind of reminder deserves revenge in her eyes.
I don't think she's the 'an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind' kind of person ;).
Thanks for all your awesome help and support Dan, you are the best beta reader/friend, *you* update soon :P! Report Review
Hey Jami! I don't think I've ever read a story about Fleur before and I think this has to do with how I don't really know much about her. And you made a very strong and brave character out of her, and that shows the side of Fleur that the Goblet has chosen years ago.
The narration was rather haunting -more of your beautiful dark writing! I have a speculation as to why second person was rather a suitable perspective to use here. I suppose that in a war you don't really feel like yourself. And it shows in the contrast between the part in the beginning where she can't feel any remorse for the person she killed and in the end where she returns to her normal self and collapses into Bill's arms, crying. Throughout the story, she wasn't /really/ herself, or was rather detached from her true self. And that made her a 'you' rather than an 'I'. I may be wrong, and probably am, but I can justify its use.
I also think you've used it skillfully and that it didn't feel overbearing at any point. In fact, it helped add to how action-packed this story is. Personally, I believe that, for some reason, writing in second person allows the author to write descriptions better than does any other perspective. I'm not sure why, but yeah...
Speaking of action-packed, you described all the movements wonderfully. Everything went smoothly and it truly felt like a movie with people moving and glares being exchanged, Fleur moving swiftly enough to send a spell at Greyback and defeat him.
Honestly, when I first saw the pair you received in the thread, I was curious as to how you're going to work your way around them. But I must admit that you've done an absolutely wonderful job and you kept everything canon.
You've done an absolutely marvellous job, not that it's a surprise, and good luck with the challenge.
-MannoAuthor's Response: Oh my goshhh you are doing it again! I'm going to turn into mushhh!
I love your speculation for second person! I wish I could say that I totally thought of that and that's the exact reason.. but honestly, I tried first person and third with these. And they just sucked. It felt too generic, too 'drama after battle' style. When I write poetry it's always in second person, so I figured I'd decide to do that with this and it just clicked. But let's pretend that I absolutely thought of what you said, and that was my motive behind it in the first place ;).
Thank you again for this awesome review ♥ you always turn me into piles of feels.
You honestly can't say you didn't see me coming, you know I can't resist.
This was just gorgeous. I really enjoy how to took a stab at second-person narrative, it was really impressive.
everAuthor's Response: Hi darling ♥ I'm so happy you liked it! I was actually planning on stalking out your review thread to request this, but you beat me to it ;)!
Thanks for all the awesome reviews, m'dear ♥ Report Review
I can't articulate how much I've fallen in love with this.
I love your Fleur. I love your Fleur. I told you that when I first met her, but I just had to remind you. She's flawed and vengeful and yet we still like her anyway because she will do anything for her family, even her in-laws.
I like the second person thing; it gives the narrative a sort of detachment-yet-immediacy that it wouldn't have had if it were written in any other kind of style. A lot of the time, second person can just feel sort of gimmicky, or just a replacement of first or third, but it works here.
Also, Greyback. Love him. Love to hate him. He is fantastic and believable here and we can't fault Fleur for wanting him to suffer because he is clearly never going to change.
Gushing aside - you've got a few typos still and a couple of sentences that don't make sense, like:
>Your hand slips into your pocket using the grace that you’ve been trained.
I mean I get what you're trying to say and all, it just was worded a bit confusingly.
Anyway. This is probably my favourite of yours so far. Well done, my darling.Author's Response: I am so happy you liked this ♥! Fleur is really one of my favorite people to write. I tried about a million times to write this first person and third person, but second just worked. I think because it lets you use more of a poetic sense, and it was like I was watching a horror movie. Haha.
Thank you so much for the review my darling ♥ Report Review
This was really amazing. Firstly because it's an excellent second person narrative.
Secondly because I adore reading Fleur, and you have written her exactly the way I see her, strong, loyal, protective, fearless, and I could go on for hours.
If you write more about her, I will be there reading and reviewing.
Oh, and did I mention how talented you are? Because it's true.
&heartsAuthor's Response: Second person was so much more fun than I thought it would be! I'm so happy you liked that as well as Fleur. I hate when she's depicted as a gorgeous airhead. Yes, she's beautiful, but she's also smart, loyal, terrifying, and just such a complex person!
Okay, I'm done rambling, but thank you so much for this awesome review ♥
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