Hey Camille! Team Blue for the win :D
I really liked Rose’s characterisation. Her thoughts were easy and fun to follow, and I felt that we really got a sense of her which is great considering this was only a one-shot. I also really liked how she showed some level of contempt towards the Weasleys all being happy and together, as that isn’t always done, but it’s a more accurate reflection in my opinion.
I really liked Scorpius’ characterisation to, and it was fun to read the hate between him and Rose at first, then when she came out of her shell, to see that they were closer again.
I did wonder why Hermione and Ron hadn’t been mentioned and why Rose went in the car with Harry and Ginny, but I certainly didn’t expect that. I think it really fits in with Rose’s closed personality and that she was separated from the others. The idea of the make believe world was really great as it showed that she could find an escape from the pain of Ron being dead, and it was really lovely to read.
I have a few grammar things for you. ‘seem to believe that us Weasley’s must be inseparable’ you don’t need the apostrophe in Weasleys as it’s a collective group not a possessive thing. And I think here ‘when in actuality‘ it would improve the flow to say ‘reality‘.
You also sometimes slipped up a little in the tenses like here ‘I hastily stuffed my cell phone in my back pocket’ and here ‘Actually, he’s really not that bad.’ You changed from past to present throughout and I couldn’t figure out which one it should be in, so you may want to check that over.
Overall I thought this was a really love one-shot Camille :D
-KianaAuthor's Response: LOL I suck at grammar. Thanks so much for the review Kiana, they are always so sweet :) I am so glad you enjoyed it, I sorta wrote this on a whim, but I had a good time with it, so i am glad that came across :) Thanks again for the review. Report Review
Hello! I'm finally here for the first of your reviews! Thank you, once again, for entering my challenge! Reading your entry made me so happy (which is kind of weird, as your entry was so sad...but anyway. Onto the story at hand.)
I wasn't quite sure what to expect when I started reading this, but the banner was amazing and the title inspiring so I decided to give it a go. And boy, am I glad I did! I don't think I've ever read anything like this before, but the first thing I noticed was that I loved the dynamics between the members of the Weasley family. I have to say, I especially loved Harry! I don't know what it was, but you just wrote him so...perfectly, in a slightly humourous way. I was just imagining Harry, dealing with all the kids and probably stressing out just a little bit.
I love Scorpius, and your characterization of him was great. I also liked the initial antagonism between he and Rose. Though they didn't exactly like each other, they weren't full out insulting each other of fighting, so I think you created a nice balance. And I really liked their scene in the middle of the woofs together...for some reason it kind of reminded me of Bridge to Terabithia, even though it's been years since I saw that movie! And the waterfall scene seemed so tranquil.
Ron is DEAD!!! What??? Even the thought of it breaks my heart. Poor Hermione! Poor Harry! Poor Rose and Hugo! Although, I have to admit, it kinda makes sense - gives reason for Rose acting the way she was, at the beginning. And I like the fact that Scorpius helped her to get past it.
I think this was a great one-shot - and I giggled when I read your authors note. Very nice!
Courtney:)Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review, I am so glad you liked it! Yeah, I killed Ron, come at me JKR! :P
Camille Report Review
Hey there! Merry Christmas! I hope you enjoy your holidays and get a ton of pretty gifts to enjoy until the coming Christmas! Oh, and let all the family gatherings encourage the growth of new plot bunnies!
Anyway. I absolutely adore this piece! And I've come past it at the right time because I've been dealing with life the way Scorpius is! The concept that you've decided to incorporate here is lovely and incredibly easy to relate to! And you know what? Scorpius is quite right! You just go back to being a kid that saw everything as a miracle, read fairytales, and had no responsibilities --just imagination! It really is lovely!
And Scorpius himself! I. Adore. Him. I already love Scorpius and I'm usually very picky regarding the stories I read about him, and I really like yours! He's different from all the depressed, mean, self-centered Scorpius's we see around sometimes. Seeing him here makes me think about the way Draco and Astoria may have raised him. It seems as though they've done a good job. Or they didn't and this was Scorpius's way of coping. Whichever way, it was so enjoyable to read about him in this light!
Rose was great too! You gave her a very distinctive voice and you made it really easy to understand where all her anger comes from. And the fact that Ron's dead --that was a lovely touch and gave such depth to the story even though it was just mentioned briefly.
What I loved the most about this story though is how it's not just romance or just friendship. What happened between Rose and Scorpius here doesn't fit into their usual bubbles. This was just, to me, the little event that takes place and keeps you smiling for a long time afterwards. They're the little moments we think back to when things get bad.
As for critique... I think you could've worked with some more description. Children see before they feel. They notice the colours, the texture, the shapes. They're attracted to things that make sounds. They revel in the physical beauty of the objects around them, even if they're simple objects. You described emotions wonderfully and showed how each thing Rose and Scorpius came upon made an impact on Rose from the emotional side. But like you've made me feel things, I would've liked to see them too.
So yeah. I'm so, so happy I came across this story. And the banner is gorgeous too, by the way. You've done a marvellous job!
Clue: I like medical-esque stories. :DAuthor's Response: I think I may have just squeeled reading this. Thank you so much, you are fabulous and this is one of the best reviews I have recieved in a LONG time. Thank you so much for my gift, (because it was WONDERFUL) It totally made my day!
Plus... I think I may know who you are... ;) *goes to stalk the forums* :) Report Review
YAY FOR NANO! GO YOU! WOOT:D
Anywho, I'm here with your review!
You know you know I love your writing! This was wonderful, it really was. I loved the imagery and the plot and the everything but what really, really captured my admiration was the chemistry between Rose and Scorpius. That was by far the most wonderful thing about this entire piece. I loved that it defied cliches about the Weasleys being insperable and all but the chemistry really took the cake.
The only thing that got me was how at first Rose was going on about how Scorpius was a loon and next thing she's pretending to be a good little camper and getting wood really just because Malfoys sexy? I think there should have been a teeny weeny sentence how even if he is a loon, his sexiness covers it up? Or perhaps she finds loons sexy? i don't know;p Do you understand or am I just babbling about?
Other than than that little babble, this was perfection. I loved the setting particularly, it was enchanting! This was an incredible job well done!
EverAuthor's Response: Aw thank you Ever! That means so much to me, thank you for your encouragment. :) I will definintly take your advise and edit that little section :) Report Review
Ron died? I was just not expecting that. :(
I loved how something as simple as a childhood game helped Rose to change her life. It's not always something really dramatic, so that made this story more realistic for me.
I'm starting to really enjoy Rose/Scorpius stories, this was more of a potential one, which I love even more. It was nice to see Scorpius help Rose and not have that big declaration of love that's suddenly there. My favorite part, though, was the hug Rose gave Harry and Hugo, I think. They were just aww moments for me (as Harry and Hugo are two of my favorite characters). :)
Really interesting one-shot. I enjoyed reading this.
SamMalfoy.Author's Response: Haha! Neither was I, I just sorta got into the moment and it came out. Im experimenting with death... muhaha. (In fiction of course!) Thank you for your encouraging review! Hugs! :) Report Review
Huh, that was really interesting. I liked thinking of Rose as someone who never had a proper childish childhood, it was really interesting... and even more interesting to think of Scorpius as one who had one. Seems a little backwards, maybe, but it was interesting and I liked reading it!
There were a couple of points when I thought you could have been a little clearer with what you meant, but it was a really interesting piece and I found it really funny at some points - especially at the beginning what with the whole Weasley family going off on a great world wind adventure. Really, that was borderline hysterical and I really loved the image of them all trekking towards the woods :')
-ACAuthor's Response: Thank you! I really appreciate your help, and I'm glad you found it humourous :) Report Review
Pretty good. If you had gone into more details if would have been a lot better.Author's Response: Thanks for the advise! :) Report Review
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