this is barefaced brilliance

Author's Response: Thanks! Love your username, by the way. XD

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What did I just read?
I'm laughing so hard I have to read it again!
Wonderful comedy. I needed that, too!
Thanks.

Author's Response: Thanks!! lol you just read the product of me being awake for too long with too much caffeine in my system. XD Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Hahaha this story is fab!

And can I just add that I was laughing at your banner for a good five minutes before reading - it is absolute perfection

Author's Response: Hee, thank you! And lulz, can you tell that I made the banner myself? Personally I think it should be hanging in an art museum somewhere. ;)

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Hahahaha hilariously silly! :D

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm pleased you enjoyed this bit of late-night crack writing. I don't even know where it came from. I was just rambling a little in a word document and it snowballed. :)

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This is brilliant. You do crackfics so well. But the fact that you can write something like this, and then something like Purgatory. Gah. It's just amazing. So there are quite a few quotes that I felt the need to include so this review will probably be mainly quotes with a bit of commentary. Which I guess makes it slightly boring for you but here we go!

'Albus twinkled his eyes at Phineas until he retreated, scowling.' I just love the fact that he could do that by just twinkling his eyes. There is something to be said about all the times people write about his twinkly eyes that pierce into your soul and even more than that and it goes on and on.

"He's actually going to be your father-in-law, but we're not getting into the future of you and Mrs. Butterface right at this moment. And by that I mean that she's going to be the face of a successful brand of butter." Dumbledore raised his arms over his head, hands in fists. "Harry/Luna for life!"
Hahahahaha Harry/Luna, I just love that. Brilliant. At first I was wondering if Ginny somehow had a face resembling butter but then I read on and it made sense ;)

"Harry, you idiot, you can't get it off! He's living inside your liver."
Just chillin' in his liver, as you do.

"Harry, get up. I never Hoover down there, you know. We've just got the one man on our cleaning staff. Isn't that twisted? One man to clean up the whole castle and he can't even do magic. Trollolololol."
Most random thing about Hogwarts. It doesn't even make sense. Kudos for pointing that out. But Dumbledore must have a Hoover then. Because all good wizards own Hoovers.

"I'll be fine, I think. Just as long as I get to keep my beloved new owl forever and ever."
Dumbledore cleared his throat. "Yeah, about that..."
JUST CUT ME UP D: Making me all sad.

Albus frowned, his voice small and weak. "But it...it's one of our oldest traditions..."
Harry rolled his shoulders, swaggering out the door. "Whatever, Dumbles. Potter out."
Loving the personality flip. Ha Dumbles. And he's turned on swagger already, boy that was quick. He'll be the new James Potter in no time. And Dumbledore's voice being small and weak. Hysterical.

"I had everything figured out! I was going to fake my death and retire in Bermuda!"
hahahaha because Dumbles probably did have something planned like that if he actually made it out alive.

"Get your sugar together! Imma go be a Muggle."
Z-snap.
LOL Harry.

This was hilarious. Also the fact that you hit on many points that just didn't make sense in the book or that people in ff do all the time. You do seriously do the best crackfics ever. It's amazing. I love reading them.

Author's Response: Crackfic is mah fave!

XD Albus's eyes don't just twinkle at you. They can shoot laser beams, too. That's how he X-rays people. He is also telepathic. I think he might be one of the X-Men. Maybe he is Cyclops with his gaze of burning knowledge.

Hahaha, Ginny having a face resembling butter. The phrase 'butterface' is actually not a very nice one. It's what really obnoxious people call a girl who has a good body...'but her face...' is not so awesome. So they call them 'butterfaces'. It's horrible, I know.

Srsly though, making a Squib clean up an entire castle. No wonder he's so cranky all the time. Can you imagine having to do all that without magic? Just the Great Hall alone would be a nightmare, and he's got ALL THOSE FLOORS to attend to. Crazy.

Thanks for reading and for your awesome review!!

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This is absolutely, irrevocably fantastic! I have to take my hat of to you for this - satire was something I could never manage, yet this was wonderful.

Not only were the ideas and points that you hit on exactly what always bothered me about Dumbledore, but the constant interjections of "YOLO" or "lol" made it even better.

Another thing - when you just introduce Dumbledore to Harry, you use the phrase "you can call me Albus". I don't know if you did it on purpose, but there's this great song called "You Can Call Me Al". Fits this fanfiction perfectly. XD

Well, with that said - Imma go read your other stuff!

Z-snap.

Author's Response: I love satire. Sometimes I'm not very good at it, so I prefer to read it rather than write it - but it's always fun to give it a go. XD So chuffed you enjoyed this!

Dumbledore's hip-speak, lol. For some reason it's funny to bring the wise old wizard down to size, making him speak obnoxiously. YOLOOO~

Thank you for reading and reviewing!

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This is awesome!

I always thought about when I was reading the books how much Dumbledore withhld information for the sak of creating reader's suspense that really wasn't fair to Harry. If he was in charge of an actual school, I can only imagiine the multitude of lawsuits that would have resulted.

I seriously LOL'd picturing Richard Harris saying some of these lines.

Author's Response: You're the king of writing Voldemort crackfics, so I'm very pleased to hear that you enjoyed this. I like taking swings at people who are supposed to be noble, invincible, high up on a pedestal, etc., and bring them down to size. If Dumbledore and Hogwarts were real, I'm thinking he would be sued within an inch of his life for his extreme negligence, favoritism, hypocrisy, dangerous living conditions, and not being smart enough to notice a Death Eater masquerading as Moody for AN ENTIRE YEAR. The way he forced people to trust him with no explanation, even though oftentimes he was wrong, proves that he never stopped hungering for and abusing power.

lol, Richard Harris. He's hip to that jive, yo.

Thank you for reading and reviewing!

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WHAT IS AIR.
I don't think I have ever laughed that loudly in my life!
The whole thing I was nearly crying in laughter!
When I saw the banner I was like, "Oh gosh, this is going to be hilarious!"
AND I WASN'T LET DOWN.
I want to quote all the things I love but they're all mature words! :p
This fic is just so funny! I can't find any other synonyms for funny because I'm laughing so much! :p
10/10! :D
Z-snap.

Author's Response: Heee, thank you! I think this might be my deepest, most profound work ever. And the banner is quite impressive - I think I might be destined to become an artist. XD

lol

Seriously, I'm so glad you liked it! Thank you for reading. :)

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Ha! Brilliant. What a great-send-up.

You hit on something that's always been a bit of a sore subject for me. I'll keep my commentary brief so it doesn't take you all day to read it. Dumbledore's "plan" -- if you want to dignify it with a term that implies forethought -- was really stupid and had a vanishingly small chance of actually working. Seriously, try to think it through for a moment:

Step 1 - Pick your champion.

Step 2 - Keep secrets from him. Lots of them. Reveal information only after he's more or less worked it out for himself.

Step 3 - Don't teach him any skills that might actually be helpful along the way. When he absolutely must learn something, delegate that task to somebody who despises him.

Step 4 - Conceal the existence of powerful magical objects that could actually be useful.

Step 5 - When you do decide to open up just a bit -- maybe when you've screwed up and sealed your own fate, for instance -- speak only in riddles. Take overwhelmingly difficult tasks and make them even harder.

Step 6 - Remember the guy who despises your champion from Step 3? Make him the centerpiece of the entire plan.

Step 7 - Send three completely inexperienced kids out into the cold, cruel world to search for small, cursed and carefully-hidden objects while being pursued by history's most powerful dark wizard and his army of fanatical followers.

Step 8 - Wait until your champion is battered, exhausted and emotionally wrecked to let him know that this is a suicide mission.

Step 9 - If, against all reasonable expectations, the plan actually makes it this far, show up in the kid's near-death experience and act like you knew all along that things were gonna work out like this.

Step 10 - Hang out on a wall inside Hogwarts until the end of time, letting everyone think that you're the smartest guy in history.

Sorry, just had to get that out of my system.

I thought you did a wonderful job of giving both Harry and Dumbledore very different, modern, irreverent voices as they casually tear down some of the more far-flung pillars of the HP story. Your writing, especially your choices of metaphor and turns of phrase, were really, really good. I loved some of the references you worked in and the different spins that you put on them. The two that immediately jump to mind are Harry macking on a super-fine Ravenclaw and the very true fact that pumpkin juice would be, in reality, disgusting.

I have nothing else. Brilliant job, and congratulations on your well-deserved Dobby award!

Author's Response: Hi, there! Thanks for stopping by to read this bit of drivel. This is the sort of thing that happens when I write after midnight.

Oh my goodness, I know! Dumbledore is one seriously negligent Headmaster. He kept an enormous three-headed dog inside a school full of children, behind a door that could be unlocked by the simplest unlocking spell ever. But the worst thing he did, I think, was his complete inaction when it came to students who went home every holiday to Death Eater parents - kids who were surrounded by Voldemort. While Dumbledore spent so much time pruning Harry into a perpetually-confused teenager who didn't know why Voldemort wanted to murder him so badly, he should have been doling out shrinks to help these kids cope. None of this is real, of course, but when I take a second to think about it I realize just how horribly Dumbledore ignored the Slytherins. It's no wonder they grew up to become Death Eaters.

And he's definitely something of a manipulator, to be honest, since he ensnared so many loyal followers in the exact same way that Voldemort did. They trusted blindly, even the otherwise-sharp ones like McGonagall. It really makes you think about how noble Dumbledore really was!

Thank you, and congrats on your own Dobby!

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