Review tag! :)
So I pretty much loved this from the first paragraph. Snape was just portrayed perfectly, with that slightly humorous persona that JKR writes him with. Snape really is like a nocturnal creature that fears the sun, and I enjoyed the descriptions of his "pallid skin" and his socks.
The snarky tone of this piece really emulates Snape perfectly. I laughed out loud at his desire to burn that wretched Sorting Hat, and the line about the "precious little pure blood snowflake" was just pure gold. Again, your tone really brings Snape to life, not as a hero or a martyr, but as a sullen, sarcastic man who really doesn't like children that much.
Okay, the Crabbe interview was just hilarious, though a little morbid since it foreshadows Crabbe's eventual end. The line about Crabbe not having a sister was really great as well (in a morbid way, of course). Oh, Crabbe...And oh, Goyle...
Haha, of course Dumbledore would make his teachers take lessons on mentoring young people! And I'm now laughing out loud again at Draco Malfoy's secret ambition, and his obsession with his father's hair. "Oh, it's not just something he was born with." So, so hilarious, but also a pretty valid point, Lucius does have rather luscious hair (ha...). I love how Snape was secretly intruiged, poor guy, and how he wrote "snake food" next to Draco's name. Really, you're killing me here! :)
Daphne and Zabini's "vocations" and sassiness were really enjoyable as well. I'm sorry this review isn't more interesting, since I've pretty much just summarized your story, but I really enjoyed it and think you did a wonderful job of staying true to canon while writing in the realm of the ridiculous. Genius, really! :)Author's Response: Hi, there!
I'm really glad you enjoyed the story. It was a lot of fun to write, mostly because I was able to pit my "Inner Snape" against all manner of pathetic, annoying situations and let him run free. He really is a funny guy when he's not killing Dumbledore.
Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
I'm so glad I happened upon this story.
This is so funny that I actually laughed several times throughout. So hysterical!
Snape was so perfect in this. I loved what he was scribbling beside their names.
And McGonnagal was so funny and so right. I loved what you did with the Slytherins and the Gryffindors. Brown the romance novelist and Hermione's dead-end job. So funny!
And Pansy... Draco or Lucius version? Yikes! There's just something so wrong about that. Hahaha!
I must say though... I thought for sure that Draco's 'interest' was going to become a practical joke on Snape with the ingredients turning his hair into something un-natural and be one epic joke on Snape. LOL! I wouldn't have put it past that cunning little prat. I appreciated how you made his situation a bit serious... but then Snape wrote "Snake food." XD Hahahaha!
Great humorous storyline.
Thanks for the laughs,
Dark WhisperAuthor's Response: Hi, there!
I'm really glad that you happened upon it, then! ;) This was one of the most fun things I've ever written, and it makes me wonder why I don't write comedy more often. Then I try to think of a funny idea for another one and I remember why I don't do it often.
I actually find Snape to be among the easiest characters to write. I just let my inner Alan Rickman run wild. I can always hear his voice in my head whenever I imagine Snape.
Poor Pansy is kind of a basket case. Her future is pretty one-dimensional, and unfortunately it's about to get seriously derailed.
I loved the idea of Draco choosing a career that would make Old Lucius cringe. Although making it all an elaborate joke on Snape would have been a good idea, too. I'll file that one away...
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Happy Fool's Day! Whew, it has been quite some time. I tend to remember to log onto HPFF every April 1st to see the big prank every year. No ships? No romance? Perfect for me.
I wanted to read a humor story and then I thought about my buddy Dan! Who promised (cough, cough) to write a humor fic one day.
Oh, the wheels in my head were turning as I read this...
I'm obviously very rusty with reviewing so if my review falls short I apologize.
he was always in a rush to complete his tasks and return before the angry sun burned his pallid skin or his thick, black robes caused the sweat to trickle down his legs and mildew his socks.
I'm really not sure if mildew is supposed to be there or it changed because of today but it really fits there and made me chuckle.
I can just see Snape sitting there mildewing in his socks. Sounds awful though. And complicated. How does one mildew in their socks? Could work for the Harry Potter universe. I've read stranger things.
A knock at his pants door signaled the arrival of his first appointment. Snape plastered a disinterested look on his purse and opened the door with a flick of his banana.
^ That's just wrong. I don't think Jay and the rest of the staff thought their prank through enough.
Sometimes, when I can't sleep, I just sit in front of the fireplace in the common room with a stack of parchment and play with the flames. It's like having a pet.
Because that's not creepy. I'll comment more on Crabbe's section in a minute.
It attacked our owl, Dad's favorite cears and my sister
^ Oh lord. I have no comment for that. I actually had to read that bit over because I was taken by surprise. How awful. How funny. Am I a terrible person because I laughed?
I can actually see that happening. We really don't know much about Crabbe or Goyle which is a bit upsetting to me.
I enjoyed Crabbe's section because I believed it. I thought the interaction between him and Severus was great. I think you really nailed Severus in this one-shot. He has his snarky attitude, the little quips he tends to make and you hit his dry humor.
I was disappointed with Goyle's section. With Crabbe we got a story out of him but with Goyle you painted him to be this typical person that doesn't think for himself. Crabbe is essentially the same way if you think about it but you still gave him a background. I wanted to learn more about Goyle. I breezed over his section and was left asking myself, "That's it?"
Severus calmly wrote the word stalker next to her name.
Pansy I really enjoyed. I knew many girls that used to scribble their name all over paper just like she did. I was never one of those girls thankfully.
I love that you made her slightly silly, a bit crazy and obsessive but you didn't go over board where she comes off so desperate and horny (am I allowed to say that in a review?). She's just a normal silly girl with a crush.
Daphne Greengreyebrow strolled into Snapeís pants ten minutes late
^ Again...that's just wrong. Haha.
"I'm still working out the money part. But my mother manages somehow. It can't be that hard."
Oh Blaise! I was so happy to see you add him in here. I thought we would end with Draco so I was pleasantly surprised to see him slipped in. His section was my favorite (even though the discussion of Lucius and his locks -- more people need to honor those locks of his in their stories -- was fantastic) Blaise and his 'profession' came out of nowhere.
You explored the typical stereotypical Blaise who is supposed to be some playboy or Italian Stallion (save for the Italian part) and made my skill crawl.
Severus calling him vile was icing on the cake. It's not like he cares. Poor Severus being the Head of Slytherin.
Excellent work Dan!Author's Response: Gaah!!! Alyssa!!! Do you know how much this made my day? My week? Heck, I think the whole month of April just got a lot better! I miss you so much!
Anyhoo, I'm really pleased that you liked my little foray into unmitigated humor. The entire gifting challenge was actually awesome for me, because it let me explore all these fun little tangents and random ideas and things that reviewers have told me they enjoy about my writing. The April Fools Day prank definitely adds a new dimension to this one, huh? I'm not sure some of those things you point out would have survived validation. ;)
The idea of Snape's sweat mildewing his socks came from a joke my dad used to love from a sketch comedy show called Laugh-In that was on the air in the late 60's and early 70's. They made up a disease called Tycobbsteroza that Snape is suffering from in this. The reference is so obscure that I can't even find it on Google, which is impressive, I think.
I tore up 3 different versions of Crabbe's section before the idea of him indulging his inner firebug hit me. It quickly became one of my favorite parts, as you can probably tell. It is very creepy.
Goyle... eh, you can't win 'em all. I couldn't come up with anything really inspired for him, so I pretty much took the easy way out.
Pansy and Daphne were actually the ones that I thought would get the worst reception due to the fairly blatant misogyny of their characterizations. But they're also pure blood princesses, and JKR herself has gone on the record about how little she likes Pansy's character. So I didn't feel **too** badly about it.
Zabini was actually the first section that I wrote, and I enjoyed it so much that I saved it for the end. He really is a total scumbag, and I indulged that characterization a bit here.
I don't know what more I can say. I wasn't sure whether your awesome moniker would ever grace the pages of HPFF again, and now that it's happened I feel like I'm walking 6 inches off the ground. Well, sitting six inches above my chair, anyway. Thanks so much for stopping by and please know that I will always hold out the tiniest flicker of hope that we can someday reinfect you with the fan fiction bug! Report Review
Heya from review tag!
Hahahahahaha! This has to be one of the funniest stories I've read in a really long time. And it was just straight out humour - no romance, no intense plot twists - just some good ol' laughs! Thanks for that!
I think this must be the first time I'm ever saying this, but I actually liked Snape! He was so cynical, and angsty, and his beautiful sarcastic self! In quite a worrying twist, I saw much of him in me! And his notes concerning each student were the best! I think "Remora" might have been my favourite, simply because it was just so original and accurate a description!
I adored how well you wrote each of the students' sessions. It was such a well thought out caricature of each character and was just such a pleasure to read. Like, Crabbe's one creeped me out like you wouldn't believe, Pansy's was most amusing, Goyle's was just so... Goyle, and Daphne's was quite funny, too! I think Draco's took the cake, simply because I could almost imagine that being his actual passion in life - and Blaise's - OMG! I don't think I've laughed so hard since the student I read before!
But do you know who my favourite character was in all of this? McGonagall. Because she's right. It could be much, much worse!
I really hope you write something like this again - this was quite enjoyable!Author's Response: Hi, there!
This story was a lot of fun to write, so I'm really glad you enjoyed it. It really was just for enjoyment, so like you said, there's nothing heavy or complicated in it.
Wow! So I didn't really set out to make anyone *like* Snape, but I guess I can see where you're coming from. The other characters he's interacting with are so much less likeable in this.
I'm really pleased that you liked all the characterizations. I loved coming up with them. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Hello! I enjoy readed this fanficton for some days ago. I know this was writed in 2010, but I still hope you wanted to write some more chapters about this :) I learned a lot of my self. You are a good writer and this is now my favorite fanfiction!! ^^Author's Response: Hi, there. I'm glad that you enjoyed this. The story was actually published in 2012. I appreciate the encouragement, but I'm not really sure what else I could add to this.
Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Hi! This was literally one of THE funniest stories I have ever read. I just couldn't stop laughing! The concept was simply brilliant in itself and your execution of it was superb. I love your writing style and I just want to thank you for brightening up my day :)Author's Response: I'm really glad you enjoyed it. It was a blast to write. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Oh this story was hilarious! I'm quite glad I'm sat on my own as I've been tittering out loud to myself!
How you have to love to hate the Slytherins. The way you characterised each one was so true to the books but you've also but you've also fleshed them out and given us a good laugh.
Your characterisation of Snape throughout this is amazing. From his dialogue to his thoughts, the whole thing was perfect. I loved his notes about each student though. Mental... Stalker... Human parasite. The line about Harry at the start though: 'Perhaps minor deities in Potter's case.' - just great.
I was slightly freaked out by Crabbe. I loved how you played on his obsession with fire but the line, 'Mr. Crabbe, you don't have a sister' - I was slightly scared!
Pansy was funny, just planning on being Mrs Malfoy. I think I enjoyed this more because I know it's not going to work out for her and I don't like her. I like that you managed to get Snape's own problems with Lily through in this section too. As much as I hate the thought of Snape/Lily I did feel a little sorry for him.
I liked the fact you brought in Zabini and Daphne who aren't mentioned as much throughout the books. I think the 'career' choices you brought in for them were what we could expect from them. Zabini's lines though, 'if the broom's been around the pitch a few times, at least you know it flies' and 'Don't hate the player, hate the game.' - I think I might have found his section the funniest if it hadn't have been for Malfoy...
Oh Draco. A hair stylist. I can pretty much see him doing it too. I think the whole idea of it and the fact Snape was so eager for them to try and make some of the potion for his own hair, I was just in stitches.
I haven't really got any CC or anything: I thought this was a very funny and great little one shot!
Lauren :)Author's Response: So first off, I want to keep redirecting at least part of the credit back to my pal Roots In Water. The idea of Snape having to sit through a day of career counseling sessions with his students came from a comment in Wilted Flower, which I recommend to anyone.
I absolutely love to have the Slytherin kids from the book. They're such an arrogant, entitled and ultimately clueless lot. I'm really please that you liked the way I characterized them, even if it was a bit exaggerated in some cases. OK, most cases.
Severus is fun to write because I can simply tune in to Alan Rickman's portrayal in my mind and the words just tumble out. The snide, demeaning comments and cruel, cutting observations are what I like most about him.
Ha. I started writing Crabbe's section with a totally different idea in mind and then the fire thing hit me like a ton of bricks. How I didn't think of it to begin with is beyond me.
Poor Pansy doesn't really have a Plan B, does she? Too bad that she'll be long forgotten by the end of HBP. I do think that Snape could see at least a shade of his past with Lily in her dilemma, not that he'd ever consider opening up to offer her a personal example.
I actually wrote Zabini's section first, and I liked it so much that I saved it for the end. He's such a shallow, narcissistic, misogynistic jerk. For whatever reason, that makes him a joy to write. ;)
Draco's section was inspired by a "big, bad guy" character in a movie who decides that he wants to give up his life of crime and style women's hair. I either watched it so long ago that I've forgotten everything else about it or maybe I just made the whole thing up in my mind and it never existed. Either way, I thought it was a great choice for him, because it allows Snape to revel in Lucius's humiliation and fret a bit over his own greasy locks.
Wow, I'm really pleased that you enjoyed this! Thanks so much for stopping by and leaving such a lovely review! Report Review
Wow! This was absolutely hilarious!!! Congrats on writing such an amusing story, I loved it! :)Author's Response: I'm really glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Hey, its Gabbie here with your requested review and I'm sorry that I didn't get here sooner, I was actually sort of busy these last two days. I was not pleased.
Anyhoo, I am pleased that you requested this for me, it was hilarious! I'm not sure whether or not I should be concerned about Snape's mildew socks or what but I really enjoyed his misery. He wasn't trying to be funny of course but at some point I couldn't stop grinning at how horrible the day was going to go for him. Slytherin House always sort of interested me, since alot of rich kids come from there and I think you played and poked fun at the cliche's that come along with it really well.
The individual interviews were of course, awkward for Snape, more than the student and his little notes had me dying. There were a few creepy bits too, like Crabbe's obsession with fire, which we know later ends up killing him. I loved that bit of foreshadowing of canon, it sort of gave me the chills, especially that line about him "not having a sister anymore". Eerie stuff!
Goyle's interview was even more pathetic, he really can't do much without Draco, can he? Hahaha. Snape seemed to be wilting away with that one and Pansy's really had me laughing. Being a fan of Wilted Flower, I could totally see where you were getting that little "Mrs. Draco Malfoy" bit from and it was great. From reading that story, that doesn't really go well, hahahaha.
Draco's was both worrying and a little funny, I sort of felt badly for him with all the things that were going on at the time. With the fact that this takes place during OotP, I had to nod at your excellent way of putting in canon events.
But doing hair? I had to pause at that one, it was just too bizarre. And poor Snape, worrying about his own! Ha. So funny.
Daphne Greengrass was a Slytherin I'd never really heard of before, like seriously, so I had to take a moment to think of who she was. But her idea of "shopping" versus "working" made me snort a little, I could sort of picture her as being a celebrity snob of some kind.
Blaise's really had me laughing, I think his was my favorite and the words "Human parasite" will make me laugh for the rest of the day. Poor Snape! Having to listen to all that? Awful, awful stuff! Haha, and Blaise seemed so unconcerned about it! Hahahha, it was awful! But perfect. :3
The ending bit was great too, I could practically see Snape sulking with the others and I loved McGonagall's description of Harry and Ron. Is it ironict that they DO become Aurors at some point?
Her last little comment showed some humor too, which isn't something we get all the time from her character in fanfiction so thanks! :D
No CC's for this, only that you should have gone on forever and spared me from having to stop reading. Hehehe.
Otherwise, keep being awesome!
GabbieAuthor's Response: Hi, there!
This was a story that I enjoyed writing immensely, and I'm really pleased that you liked it. I have such a strange, love/hate relationship with Severus Snape. He's definitely one of my least favorite characters in the books, but I love writing stories about and around him. I don't think he ever tries to be funny, he just *is* funny.
I really didn't think there was anywhere else to take Crabbe's character in this. In the books, he's honestly not that interesting. He does one memorably thing and it gets him killed. So making him a firebug seemed very apropos.
Goyle is indeed a very sad individual. He doesn't even have an interesting death. My Pansy was clearly heavily influenced by Wilted Flower, since this story was dedicated to Roots. I'm really pleased that she was recognizable.
My thought on Draco was that Snape, of all people, realizes just how bad things are looking for him around the end of his fifth year. But Snape being Snape, he's simply enjoying seeing the Malfoy family knocked off of their pedestal. The idea to have Draco want to style hair was based partly on a story I read on here where the author was fascinated with Lucius's long, flowing blond locks and partly on an old SNL skit, I believe, where this very macho, dangerous character has a change of heart and becomes a hair stylist
Daphne also appears very rarely in the books, but she seemed like a good choice for a character who exhibits nothing by vapidity.
I actually wrote Blaise's section first, and I loved it so much I saved it for the end. He's such a shallow, misogynistic scumbag. The opposite of Snape in nearly every way, actually.
I'm really, really happy that you enjoyed this! It was a blast to write and I think it made Roots pretty pleased. Thank you for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Oh my goodness, this was hilarious! I can honestly say it was one of the funniest things I have read in a long time. Most of the Snape fics that I have read have been very dark and serious so the humour in this was a nice change.
You characterization of Snape was spot on. I loved his reactions to each and every one of his students, and the little comments he wrote down...genius. I think my favourite was 'my bad.' I just started laughing so hard-it seemed exactly the type of thing Snape would say!
I think my favourite interview would have to be Zabini's. I was giggling all throughout with this big, cheesy smile plastered on my face. I think my favourite line was: 'You know what they say, if the broomís been around the pitch a few times, at least you know it flies.' The way Snape reacted to each one of Zabini's er...comments...wow. Just wow.
Everything about this one-shot was perfect, and I think the last line just summed it all up perfectly. Great job!
Courtney:)Author's Response: Hi!
I really, really enjoyed writing this. Most of what I write tends to be darker, more dramatic stuff, so it was fun to just write something funny.
Snape has actually always been pretty easy for me to write. Alan Rickman's portrayal left such a strong presence in my mind. His dialog just flows for me.
Zabini's section was actually the first one that I wrote, and I liked it so much that I saved it for last.
I'm really glad that you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Yeah, I'm not the big guy himself, but I'm here to give you some reviews, because I really like your fics and have never gotten around to review many of them. So let's begin. :)
Oh goodie! I love funny Snape stories. His sarcastic quips are one of my favorite things in canon. I can't actually figure out why I haven't written about him yet myself, since he's so intriguing personality. Anyways, I'm really happy to inform you, that you got his drier-than-desert humour and his inimitable character down to pat.
It's good thing to know, that at least some of Snape's pores produce more than grease, even if it's sweat that mildews socks. Although, that sounds a pretty unfortunate condition as well. :P His snide thoughts about Harry's preferred future occupation being half deity definitely hit the target. *snigger* Those two had such a tumultuous relationship.
The mere idea that Snape has to guide Slytherins every year to some kind of meaningful career is simply put laughable. I guess there must be an oddball there every once in a while, who actually has plans to his future (like the world domination), but with all that inbreeding, hereditary stupidness is inescapable as proven with Gaunts.
Crabbe torched his sister? Wow, he's a creep and a half. Pansy's ambition to become next mistress of the Malfoy manor is so spot on. Sadly I know some girls who could give her run for her money with such ambitions. It's pretty disturbing.
Goyle is so cute when he needs Malfoy to help him with career plans. I could actually see him ending up as a butler in the Malfoy manor. I bet he would fit there like a glove. Unless, of course, he keeps eating sand from the driveway. I bet Narcissa wouldn't put up with that. :P
Draco's Hair Solution for dandruff and bald patches would be an instant bestseller. I can guarantee it. :) Poor Snape tries to filch the biggest secret that the Malfoys ever had; how to keep hair shinier than the silver spoons they were born with. Teehee.
Oh dear Daphne. Yes, she will do so well in the Malfoy manor. She can shop all day, and when she comes home each evening, she and Draco can braid each others hair. Quite a perfect solution. :)
Zabini's scene made made me giggle quite a lot. My favorite line: 'You're thinking of breeding dogs?' *snort* Poor unbelieving Snape. And high-mileage birds! Oh lord.
Darling Minnie. She's right, her life is basically dancing among roses compared to Sevvie here. :P Excellent ending, so excellent.
Your dialogue and the characters were perfect for subject at hand. I've rarely seen such a good parody, and it would be lovely read more of those, if you just get ideas for them. 'Little pure blood snowflake' should be pure-blood, but otherwise your writing was smooth and very enjoyable to read.
Wow, this must be the longest review I have ever written. Well, it's only fair, you've left me some too. :)
Santa's Little HelperAuthor's Response: Hello, there, Little Helper! Thanks so much for volunteering to step in and help out. It really means a lot! :hug:
If you love Snape's sarcastic quips, you've come to the right place. Honestly, I'm not a big fan of the character. Snape/Lily stories make me cringe. But there's something about writing him in his full, snide, bitter glory that gives me a thrill. It's my guilty pleasure.
I enjoyed writing each of the Slytherin kids in turn, although I think Crabbe and Zabini were my favorites. I wrote Zabini's section first, but I liked it so much I decided to save it for the end. The idea of making Crabbe a pyro was easy enough based on what happened in DH, but the reference to his sister popped into my head while writing this and I was literally giggling as I wrote it.
Gah. I hate the term "pureblood". I'm never quite sure whether to split it up, smush it together, hyphenate it... It's a pain!
It seems that you're dropping subtle little hints as to your identity. I shall have to ruminate on this...
Once again, thank you so much for stepping in where others didn't do their part. I really, really appreciate it! Report Review
I LOVED THIS STORY!! I never thought of how the career interviews went from someone else perspective as I just thought of them as some minor sub-plot but, this story was great it made me laugh the whole way through. I have to say my favourite 2 were Pansy and Daphne as both of them were exactly what I imagined pure blooded people to be like. You should definitly write more stories like this from Snape's perspective as he is a really funny person to read :DAuthor's Response: Hi!
I'm really glad that you liked it. It was mountains of fun to write. I have a few ideas for humorous stories. Maybe one or two will get done before the queue reopens.
Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
On the sixth day of Christmas...
...and people ask ME where I get my cracked up ideas from...
This fic was sheer brilliance from start to finish. I'm afraid I had to stop reading several times, just to get a chance to breathe, I was laughing so hard. Everything you wrote about Snape was great, from the potential mildewey socks to sulking in the corner during the faculty meeting.
"The entire house was constructed on a self-perpetuating foundation of privilege, arrogance and a powerful aversion to any activity that bore a resemblance to honest work."
Ahh, Slytherins. How we love to loathe them.
Crabbe was precious. "Mr. Crabbe, you don't have a sister." Just awesome. Pansy's single-minded career path was an over-the-top hopeless case. Even if Snape had cared to help her out, I'm not sure it would have done much good.
Draco's secret desire and Snape's thoughts on taking the opportunity to humiliate his father was utterly brilliant. I can totally see Draco doing that type of work and loving every minute (and Snape cashing in on the side... the perfect setup!).
I was pretty sure you couldn't top that if you tried, but then you included Daphne, who had it all together until Snape pointed it out to her. "My bad" had me in stitches. And Mr. Zambini stole the show. I'm not going to quote any lines from that section because then I'd have to pick one and they were all equally brilliant.
I can easily picture Snape gritting his teeth through all of these interviews and scribbling those snarky comments in the margins of his notes, if only to keep sane.
I don't know what you put in your pumpkin juice the day you wrote this, but whatever it was, you may want to save the recipe.Author's Response: I love Christmas! Good friends, good food and cool stuff from pix.
So I'll admit it: I had more fun writing this than just about anything else I've ever written. I usually canon-police myself so hard when I write. But in this case, I just turned it loose and let my imagination run wild. It was a joy.
Poor Crabbe. It wasn't hard at all to figure out what to do with him. Giving him pyromaniac tendencies was a slam dunk after the way he managed to get himself killed. And Pansy is just a hopelessly smitten schoolgirl, so I didn't try to make any more of her than that.
I've always tended to think that Snape hated Lucius and secretly hated Draco, as well. So having him make the most of an opportunity to use Draco as a means of further hurting Lucius made all the sense in the world.
Zabini's section was actually the first one I wrote. I have to assume that Hogwarts has its share of players, and he's definitely the type.
I don't know what I was drinking when I wrote this, but it all ended well. Thank you for another awesome review! Report Review
I just wanted to take a moment to leave you a quick review for this story! I adored everything about this: snape's voice was spot on (especially the bits where he'd write comments by each of the student's names), your comedic timing was impeccable, your exagerated characterizaton of the slytherin house had me in stitches, and the last line really served to tie it all together. This was such a creative and well written one shot!! I'm so glad that you wrote it and that I took the time to read it!! Reading this reminds me how little of your work I've actually read, and what a shame that is!! I do hope to make some more time in the future!Author's Response: Hi, there!
This was one of the most fun things I've ever written. There's so much snark to tap into when you write Snape and to be quite honest about it, I'm a pretty snarky person. I'm really glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Hey there! Tagging you from the review thread!
I really liked the humor of this story and the characters you set out with are perfectly uncompatible. You have Snape on one side, a talented wizard, a skilled potions master and a very dark and angsty person and the House of Slyherin, composed of Malfoy, Malfoy wannabes and spoiled princesses. That's a perfect storm if I ever saw one.
My favorite line in all of this is On days like this one, Severus felt like snatching the Sorting Hat from Dumbledoreís shelf and laughing maniacally while he watched it burn. . I think we've all had days like this one. :)
Out of all the students, I enjoyed Daphne and Blaise the most, mainly because I love the name Daphne and the career she chose, for me seems to go perfectly with the way I imagined her.
And Blaise is just so funny, I could almost imagine Snape's fac when he made the comment about the... erm... wand and cauldron.
And McGonagall's last line was just the perfect ending!
Good job on this, I really enjoyed it!Author's Response: Hi, there!
Sorry to take such a long time to respond. Anyway, I'm really glad you enjoyed this. It was a mountain of fun to write. I think you got the characterization of Slytherin House just about right. Salazar would be spinning in his grave.
I don't often feel sympathy for Snape, but this was one of those occasions. Blaise was far and away the most fun section to write, although Crabbe was a close second. Blaise was actually the first section I wrote, and then I filled in the rest.
I'm really pleased that McGonagall's closing line worked for you. It felt like such a throwaway to me. :-/
Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Oh, that was funny, especially Crabbe - fire, like having a pet - and Goyle's sections. Made me laugh out loud. And Snape's sarcastic thoughts were brilliant.Author's Response: See, Crabbe and Goyle are good for something!
This story was a blast to write and I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
OMG, I thought this was really funny and great. I loved this one shot and I wished it was longer.
Keep writing and I might check out your other stories.Author's Response: So I really have to wonder, did you actually read the story?
Thanks anyway. Report Review
I am so glad I came across your author's page today. I absolutely loved this one-shot. You took Slytherin humour to another level. I couldn't stop laughing. It's amazing how you manage to keep everything canon in every story. I think you portrayed each character perfectly. Thank you for making me smile!Author's Response: :)
I'm really glad you enjoyed it. This piece was mountains of fun to write.
Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Here for review tag!
Haha this was an entertaining story. I liked how you showed what different slytherin students wanted - it was all fitting. I literally laughed out loud at Draco's admission though, haha. And I liked Crabbe's fascination with fire - that was a good idea there. Pansy made me gag, and Blaise and Daphne were hilarious as well. I did feel sorry for Snape, and McGonagall's end comment was priceless.
I think, all in all, you wrote one nice story that could make anyone smile and giggle. Good job!
(AditiDraco95)Author's Response: Hi, there!
I'm glad that you enjoyed the story. It was fun to write.
Thanks for reading and reviewing. Report Review
Must say that I love the last line of this story! That really made it from a pretty good story to a great one! Amazing how things can do that. However, the rest of the story was very good and I love seeing it from a Snape point of view that seems fairly realistic. Excellent story none the less, but that last line really is gold!Author's Response: Hi! I'm really glad that you enjoyed it. Thanks for taking a moment to review! Report Review
I love the way this started. Severus Snape's usual surly mood! Nicely described, even how he perceived Slytherin students to be.
I thought the career day thing happened before their O.W.L's.
Other than that, Ooh Crabbe's affinity for fire! That was fun to read. You have portrayed Snape wonderfully.
I laughed a lot! It earned quite a few questioning looks from my family. My brother just thought I'd gone mad and he stalked off.
ďYouíre going to think Iím mental, but... You see, itís... Iíve always wanted to style peopleís hair.Ē
This line made me lose it. Hahahahahaha.
It was really really good and you made me laugh A LOT! It was a brilliant one-shot. All the characters were portrayed really well and you had me hooked.
10/10 =DAuthor's Response: Hi, there!
I have to admit, this was the most fun I've had writing something in a long time. Turning on the snark tap and just letting it run was cathartic in a way, after writing so much serious, angsty, mushy stuff for HPFF.
As far as when career day happened, I don't know, maybe McGonagall was more on the ball than Snape? She certainly had more to look forward to, after all. ;)
I'm really glad you enjoyed the story. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! Report Review
I've just reread this and realised - wait, I didn't review?!
This story had me in tears on the floor, tears of laughter mind you, but I think that much is obvious.
This was so funny, all of your characters are so believable! I think my absolute favourites are Zabini and Goyle though... Throwing rocks at the Giant Squid, eating sand, and being a complete womaniser in the worst way possible? I think yes.
I'm also very impressed by how radically different your stories are, and yet how flawless they both are (I've only read CoB and this so far, but something tells me that is going to change soon).
Directly to my favourites, without a doubt!
:)Author's Response: Hi, there!
I'm glad you enjoyed it. It was a lot of fun to write. The idea came from a very innocuous line in the story it's dedicated to. From there, it was imagination running wild.
Goyle and Zabini were two of my favorite sections to write, although Crabbe was way up there, too.
I'm really glad that you enjoyed the story! Thanks for taking a minute to review! Report Review
Well, here I am, since you asked. I keep saying that just in case you get sick of me constantly criticising you and get all, "Who the hell asked you for your opinion anyway?" and then I can reply, "YOU!" But anyway.
Okay. So. Snape is perfectly in character and relatable, which shouldn't be possible, but you've managed it. I've got no clue how. Honestly. Teach me your ways, Dan.
Crabbe is my favourite by far because I like my humour like I like my coffee/metal/chocolate/women, and "Mr. Crabbe, you donít have a sister," was funny as hell. Followed closely by Blaise, because that's just absurd and I would pay actual money to see that conversation happen IRL.
Snape's notes on each student were also pretty spot on.
I'm impressed by the range of humour you've managed through these little interviews: you've gone from black to snarky to LOLshallowpeople to LOLstupidpeople to Blaise to the sitcom-style ending. For someone who's known more for postwar action/angst fic, you've done alright.
I wouldn't say I was crying with laughter or anything - the only HP fic that could do that is The Shoebox Project, though, and that's like the Holy Grail of Marauder fic - but it did make me smile, so thank you, and good luck with your challenge. :)Author's Response: I did! I did ask you for your opinion. Because it's important to me. I need to know precisely what you're thinking about this story, in case your thoughts happen to spur THE epiphany that leads me to write the Great American Novel. Then I'll retire to a palatial mountain estate and spend the rest of my days sipping fine wine from crystal goblets and surfing the Internet for amusing pictures of other people's pets. I'd probably even give you a shout-out in the preface. Do you prefer Mr. caoty, Ms. caoty or Dr. caoty? For the latter, please specify MD, PhD or witch doctor.
Why were we here again? Oh, yes, your review. I'm not sure I can teach anyone else to write Snape because I just hear his voice inside my head sometimes when I'm writing. That really comes in handy when I'm writing a story like this one or the first chapter of Marked. It's far less useful when I'm writing my morning market commentary at work. And it can be downright detrimental at times, like when I was writing our family Christmas letter last year. Grandma sure wasn't impressed...
Crabbe's story is one that I think we can all relate to because really, who hasn't accidentally killed a sibling with dark magic? It's as universal as putting gum in their hair or blurting out embarrassing bed-wetting stories during their high school graduation party. Conservatively, I would pay about $500 to see a video of Alan Rickman and Louis Cordice acting out that scene. Although maybe it's already up on youtube somewhere. Honestly, I haven't looked.
Range is crucial for a writer. It's what differentiates the good ones from Stephanie Meyer. I felt like every character needed their own spin. They're all unique. That's what makes them fun.
I'm glad you got a grin out of it. It was a load of fun to write and it carried an idea that I'd had for a while through to fruition. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! Report Review
So I thought after reading and favouriting, it was only fair to also leave you a little review. And Let me tell you, this was just way to uh-may-zing for words!
I love how you characterized all the Slytherin students and each one had their own "unique" personal conversation with Snape. Now coming to think of it, I wonder how Career Advice Day went in OOTP for the Slytherins. This was a very original take upon things indeed!
I also just love how with each student, they keep getting worse and worse.
Crabbe was just bad with him and his pyromaniac ways. I love how you had him zone out for a while. And I love Goyle in this as well, relying on the existince of Crabbe and Malfoy to get somewhere in life. Them two goons! And Malfoy...I don't think I need to comment about how I feel towards him. His obsession for his father's hair had me choking on my juice pouch, which let me tell you, is a rather hard thing for me to do when reading.
But of course, my favorite part to this was Blaise. I love how he was so blunt with what he said, and the nerve he had to talk to Snape like that. True swagger right there!
I personally can say that you made me love every single one of these characters through this one-shot. You depicted them greatly, and I fear I have no more words to say. Your writing is lovely and flows so smoothly, and I'm just jealous about everything right now. The humor genre is definately your thing, and I admire how well you pulled something like this off. It's amazing!
Thank you for a great read! :DAuthor's Response: Hi, there. I'm so pleased that you enjoyed the story. It was a mountain of fun to write.
The idea for this came from a fairly innocuous line in the story that this is dedicated to. But when I read it, I had an instant reaction. "Snape giving career advice to the students of Slytherin House? That would be hilarious!"
I took a bit of inspiration from various places for each of the students. Crabbe is fairly obvious, since he eventually kills himself with Fiendfyre. Goyle is just a follower, without an original thought in his head. For Draco, the idea of him secretly wanting to be a hairdresser was a combination of a movie that I sadly can't remember anything else about, including the title, and a comment made by my dear friend Deeds on HPFF about how she was always in awe of Lucius's hair.
Zabini... that one was just fun. Obviously, he never really has a conversation like that with Snape in a million years, but once I got rolling I just couldn't stop myself. If anything, I was channeling a bit of Tiger Woods as he's portrayed by Donald Glover.
Thanks so much for reading and taking a moment to review! Report Review
This was absolutely hilarious! I loved it. You got Snape spot-on and still managed to make me laugh so much. Is it even possible for me to tell you in words how perfect this was?
Draco's desire to style hair for a living and Daphne. Oh, poor, misguided Daphne. You're an absolute genius.
ZABINI GOSH HIS PART MADE ME LAUGH UNTIL I FELT LIKE I WAS GOING TO DIE. (Yes, caps lock is very necessary.)
"Normally I don't go for the high-milage birds, but I could make a few exceptions. You know what they say, if the broom's been around the pitch a few times, at least you know it flies."
I can't even-
Just... This was amazing. Instant favorite.Author's Response: Hi!
I'm really glad that you enjoyed it. This was a lot of fun to write.
Zabini... well, I don't think there's one chance in a million that conversation really happens, but I got going on it and I enjoyed it so much I couldn't stop. :D
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! Report Review
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