Hi, Elphaba here!

This chapter raises some interesting questions, like: what is Lily hiding? I'm not quite sure about the meaning of Lily's dialog, here: "'It won't happen. Dumbledore wouldn't allow because of..." and here: "You may even find out if he decides to tell you." Is the "he" Lily refers to here Dumbledore? Or is "he" the mystery man that Thalia wonders about? What makes Thalia think that there is a mystery man?

I really like how you set up Lily's potential interest in James in this chapter by showing that she's lost interest in Will: "Even though it seems like we have everything in common, he's so dull. There's nothing about him that interests me." James definitely seems anything but dull. :)

I don't have much to critique, although I do think this section is a little repetitive because of all the shock: "'You broke up with him?' Mary asked, sounding shocked and the other two appeared to be as shocked. Maia nearly flung the Witch Weekly magazine out of Alice's hands in shock." I would replace two uses of shock with other descriptive words.

I also caught this little name slip here: "I saw a bit of blonde gimmer in my eye and recognised the infamous platinum hair of Narcissa Malfoy." Malfoy should be Black, right? :)

The other main question that this chapter raises is: where is George during the Slug Club? I wonder what is he up to? Did he find out about the kiss? Is he sulking, cheating on Thalia or just busy studying?

Oh yeah, and what made Remus and Maia blush? ;) It would be tragic if the full moon were to spoil their fledgling relationship. As usual, I'm left feeling very curious to see what will happen next. :)

Author's Response: Hey Elphaba!

Aha, I was really unsure about that because it was meant to be hinting about how Lily has to patrol with Remus due to his werewolf problem, but I'll definitely go back and make it clearer. Obviously, it seemed fine in my own head but I can understand why you got confused!

Haha, I couldn't resist including that :P I like to think that they didn't contantly hate each other it was mainly Lily being blinded by her dislike of James to do anything, so it was fun to slip it in!

I seem to have a habit of missing out on mulitple used words! I'll definitely go back and include some more variety and I can't believe I said shocked so many times in that short section!

Woops, I don't know how I did that because reading back over I noticed I called her Black at the beginning of the section so I'll change that too!

He's not actually a member of the Slug Club, so I should probably clear that up to. He was revising with his friends and definitely not cheating on Thalia! I'm not going down that route!

Now, I can't reveal that :P I feel bad for what I planned for their relationship now, but it's not the full moon! I'm glad that I left you feeling curious and I hope you like the next chapter too! Thanks again for another great review!

-Kiana

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Wow, the chapters are really long, you must love writing. I like that you used the information JK Rowling gave. I just think that you should improve the grammar. Nice story though :)

Author's Response: Haha, yeah I do! I hope the length of them isn't a problem :) I'm glad that you liked the inclusion of the information, as I do think it is important. I'm reviewing the grammar of the story now, so hopefully it'll be better soon :D Thanks for the review ♥

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I love your story!!! I just found it yesterday and have been reading ever since then! It's almost better than the books! The plot is amazing and I can't wait until you have posted more.

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much :D I can't believe you think it's almost better than the books, and ah thank you for these lovely compliments ♥

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Hiya, Elphaba here!

Wow, this was another great chapter that I don't have much critique for. :) I love that you have Regulus tell Sirius that it was Mulciber who attacked Mary; this was a great way to show that he has a conscience.

I also think that your portrayals of Professor Sprout, Slughorn and McGonagall are spot on. The incident with he danged geranium was especially funny, although I do feel some sympathy for Sirius. Slughorn trying to recruit Sirius for his club and then getting Remus' name wrong are also great touches.

I'm glad that they for their revenge on Mulciber, and that McGonagell stepped in before they could get in too much trouble. All that blood from the attack makes sense now that I know Mulciber used the sectumsempra curse. I'm VERY curious to see what they will have in store for Snape -- might it involve the full moon? ;)

Author's Response: Hey Elphaba! I'm so glad that you don't have much to critique as that's always a good thing! I do believe that Regulus does have a consience, and I'm glad that you thought so too as I always am a little biased when it comes to him!

I'm so glad that the teachers were spot on as I always find it rather hard to write teachers actions. The geranium had to be included as this chapter needed a little humour and that's probably why I included the Slughorn thing too, so it's great that you liked it!

I'm glad that McGonagall stepped in too, as I would hate to think what they might have done. Haha, I'll just say that you've been the closest to guessing so far ;)

Thanks for the great review, Elphaba :D

-Kiana

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this is so good, please update soon xx good luck in your exams :D
loving remus and maia xx
thalia's a bitch ;) jk jk, i'm officially in

Author's Response: Hi I'm glad that you liked it, I'm so glad that you like Remus and Maia and their date should be in two chapters from now. Thalia's going through a rough time right now but her and Sirius will be ok again soon! Thanks for the great review :D

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One little thing: "It's a good thing Mary wasn't here, or she wouldn't have gotten anything done either. She was out watching the quidditch team practise, as she still wasn't allowed to play due to her injury.

Maia was ‘helping’ Remus with his Potions homework in the library, and Mary was watching the quidditch team practise, as she still wasn’t allowed to play due to her injury."
You repeated the "as she still wasn’t allowed to play due to her injury" Apart from this, great chapter, can't wait for more!!

Author's Response: Woops thanks for pointing out that error, when I edit from my beta's copy I often end up with little slip ups so thanks for that! I'm so glad that you enjoyed it and I hope you like the rest of it :D Thanks for another great review!

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You are actually making me like Pettigrew. I love the ending of this chapter, and you've written Slughorn brilliantly!! 5 stars!!

Author's Response: I'm so glad that you like Pettigrew as I do think he was nice here. Yay for Slughorn being written well as he's such a hard character to write! Thanks for another great review and I hope you like the rest of it :D



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I really like the idea with Pettigrew. I love this chapter. :D:D excellent work!!

Author's Response: I'm so glad that you liked the idea with Pettigrew as it was a lot of fun to write! Thanks for the review and I hope you keep reading :D

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Update update update! Poor sirius! Things never work out for him:(

Author's Response: Yup and that's why he's my favorite character as he's so tragic :'( I have a ton of exams on at the moment but I'll update as soon as possible! Thanks for the review :D

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Hi Kiana! I'm so sorry for the lateness of this review. :P

Alright, so this chapter is more serious than some of the past ones, and rightly so, given the gravity of the situation, what with Mulciber and Regulus and all.

I like the scene with Sirius and Regulus, because it really shows a lot about Regulus's character, in that he's not fully on board with the pureblood ideals because he still cares about Sirius, but he's too afraid to fight back. That's always the way I've seen Regulus, never truly believing what he was taught but following it anyway - and that's the reason Regulus was a Slytherin and Sirius was a Gryffindor.

I can definitely imagine Voldemort and Bellatrix flipping out after Sirius ran away, and I like that you included that Sirius's father stood up for him, at least somewhat, because I think Sirius's father would have had to have been a little bit nicer than his mother. Speaking of his mother, I can definitely see her going into a rage too, based on what we see of her in the books.

For the most part, I like Sirius's thoughts in this chapter, as you can see that he's definitely trying to juggle the mess with Thalia and also all the drama going on with Mulciber and Snape as well. I do wish he had been a little more humourous in this chapter though. I know that they're in the midst of the war and all, but I feel like Sirius might have maintained a little bit of his humour in the process, just because that's who he is. :)

I love that Sirius got bitten because he got distracted by Thalia - it was a nice way to break up the war-related drama and show that Sirius is still dealing with his feelings for Thalia amongst all of the other things that are going on.

The scene at the end was very well done, in my opinion. I like that the boys all used relatively "nice" spells, as compared to the curses that all the Slytherins tend to use. It really shows just how different they are from the future Death Eaters. Mulciber obviously isn't a very good actor, as we see here. :) I'm not surprised that Snape was the brains behind the operation, and I'm interested to see what Sirius's revenge is going to be. Part of me wants to say that it's part of his "worst memory", but I really don't know. :)

Another really great chapter! Feel free to re-request!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

Author's Response: Hey Taylor, don't worry about it, compared to some people this is really quick :D

I hated making this chapter serious it wasn't as fun writing it, but like you said it would have felt weird otherwise.

I'm really glad that you liked the scene with Regulus as it was so much fun to write. I've always loved the contrast between the two brothers as they're so similar in some ways but due to being sorted into different houses they turned out to be so different.

Woo someone agrees with me on the Sirius father front. I was really unsure about including that, as I know I like to think some of his family still cared about him but I wasn't sure if others thought the same! I'm glad that the other people's reactions to him leaving was fitting too, as they're so unpredictable you don't really know what to expect.

I'm glad that you liked most of his thoughts as they were so chaotic and running from one thing to another I wasn't sure if they made complete sense. Now you've mentioned it I'll go back and add some humour as I wanted to include some but I wasn't sure so I just left it.

Haha, that was fun to include and it happened to Harry in his Herbology OWL and that minor detail always stuck with me so I really wanted to include it here.

Eek! I'm so glad that you liked the end scene as I hate writing action scenes so I was really worried about that. The boys aren't the nicest of people in fifth year, but I agree they would never use horrible spells on them. Hmm, it's not the worst memory but it is canon ;)

Thank you for this great review and I'll definitely go and add some more humour to make it lighter!

-Kiana

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Hello, Elphaba here! I really enjoyed this chapter and don't have much in the way of criticism. :)

First, this made me laugh: "Apparently there was some famous muggle school there, so it was teeming with tourists." I love that while Thalia's interested in some muggle things, like literature, there's still a lot that she doesn't know.

I appreciated getting a look at Thalia's home life in this chapter -- her mother is really nasty! I wondered whether she would be happy if Thalia got together with Sirius since he's a pureblood, but the conversation at the tea room settled that question for me. :) I love that you delve into the complex dynamics between families in this chapter.

I also really like the glance into Peter's home life, everything from the dialog to the description in that scene is well done.

The only punctuation issue I noticed is that in the phrase "Potter's ball, the apostrophe should be moved after the "s" to make it plural (Potters').

Speaking of the ball, the Potters' house is much bigger than I expected, but it makes sense. I think I might find it a bit of a stretch for Thalia's mother to socialize with them if they DIDN'T have such a large house, so it works. I really like that you show the contrast between the nice wealthy people like the Potters and the nasty ones like Mrs. Longwood.

Oh, yes, I do also like the scene where Thalia and Sirius finally kiss! :) The circumstances feel believable, as does her reaction. I'm dying to know what happens next!

Author's Response: Hey there Elphaba thanks another great review, and I'm glad you didn't find much to critique!

I'm glad that you liked seeing Thalia's home life, as I'll probably be revisiting it later on! I think she would be happier if she was Sirius compared to a muggleborn, but still not completely happy :P I'm glad that you liked the family dynamics :)

I'm glad that you liked the scene with Peter's family as it was fun to include and I felt it was neccessary to show what his family life would have looked like. Thanks for pointing out the error too, I'll go back and edit it :)

I'm glad that the house fitted for you, and I had to make it larger than I thought it would be for it to work so you're not on your own there. The contrast was fun to include, and I loved writing the Potters. As for Mrs Longwood there'll be more revealed about her later on!

I'm glad that you felt the circumstances were believable as that's one of the things I was most unsure over out of the chapter! Thanks for another great review, Elphaba :D

-Kiana

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I absolutely loved reading it!! Maybe Sirius' revenge is the
part that comes in order of phoenix?! { Just a guess :) }

Author's Response: Aw, I'm so glad that you loved reading this! And yes Sirius' revenge does relate to OoP but I won't reveal more ;)

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Hi, Elphaba here!

Once again, I found myself captivated by Sirius's voice. :) I also really like the background information on Regulus, and appreciate that it appears naturally and doesn't feel like a ton of information is being dumped on me.

Sirius's weariness of Anna also seems realistic. Even though he's being a jerk to her, I couldn't muster up any anger at him. :)

Punctuation has dramatically improved from the early chapters! I did catch one extra comma: "Regulus and Narcissa, were obviously not included in this conversation..." but it's probably not worth going back to fix.

I also found one word that I might exchange for one that fits better, here: "They were always disagreeing about menial things..." I think "trivial" would work better in this instance than "menial."

Wow, Sirius's parents are awful! I think this fits well with the way they're described in the book, though, and enjoy his snide commentary about them and his other relatives. This observation, especially, made me chuckle: "The whole place had an eerie feel about it, which fitted the new couple perfectly. They had always given off dark vibes."

Voldemort's visit to their dinner party was definitely something I didn't see coming at the start! I like the dark twist that this chapter takes. His family's desire to "straighten" Sirius out is genuinely creepy, and while I think his confrontation with Voldemort is shocking, it's not too over the top. I assume that he has run away from his family for good? I can't imagine him going back! :)

Author's Response: Hey Elphaba!

I'm glad that Sirius' voice is captivating you! I'm so glad that the information on Regulus was weaved in, as I always seem to have issues with how much I give so it's good to know that :) As for Sirius being mean, he is a teenage boy so you can't really expect that much more :P

As for my punctuation I wish I could claim credit to the improvements but thanks to my wonderful beta, who really has taught me a lot! I'll review that word and when I re-edit the chapter I'll include it :)

Yay his parents are awful! As that's what I was aiming for! Haha I'm glad that you liked his comments as they were a lot of fun to write!

I'm glad that you didn't see his visit coming, as admittedly when writing this chapter I didn't plan for it to happen! I'm glad that the confrontation wasn't OTT, as I felt something big must have triggered him to run away, and you're right he's not coming back!

Thanks for another really great review!

-Kiana

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Oh my gosh that was so tense. My only consolation was I knew Sirius wouldn't die. Otherwise, I don't know what I would do. That was so scary and Bellatrix was perfectly in character. I would have liked to see Rodolphus's reaction to everything, but Bellatrix more that made up for him. The ending was also really nice (I Sirius-ly need to find a better word that nice). It was a perfect way to wrap everything up. Well, like I said, the only thing that was missing was Rod's reaction and personality .

Like always, I love your stories and your author responses really brighten my day.

-Krissy

Author's Response: I'm glad that you found it was tense! Of course Sirius couldn't die, he has about twenty years before that happens :'( would have liked to inlcuded more reactions except the chapter may have gotten to long. I'm glad it was a perfect way to end it though!

I'm really glad that you liked my responses and they brighten your day :D Thanks again for another great review,

-Kiana

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Oh my good golly gosh, I cannot believe that Thalia's mum would such a thing about the Potters. I always imagined James' parents as being really lovely people and such.

I also love how Thalia's mum and Aurelia are talking smack about Sirius' family instead of him (but maybe I just read that part wrong).

I cannot believe that Thalia did that! Oh my God, how could she! How could Sirius do this! Come on people, control yourselves here! I just, I can't, I can't even. I am so done.

What are they going to do now? Things are bound to get awkward between them. Thalia has to tell George, she just has to, if she does tell him I wonder what his reaction is going to be.

Anyway, your grammar and punctuation was great, there was lots of description and the chapter was overall just really interesting.

Great job on it!

Author's Response: The Potters are lovely people, Thalia's mum is just a bit deluded about them! Don't listen to what she has to say :P I'm so glad that you liked that scene with her and Aurelia though, it was so much fun to write :P

I couldn't believe it either, but in her defence it was Sirius' fault, and she did stop it and run away. Yup things are certainly awkward, as for her telling George you'll just have to wait and see!

I'm so glad that the technical things were fine, and that you found it interesting as that's what I aim to do:D

Thanks for this great review!

-Kiana

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Wow! This was really great and you perfectly captured the mood!

The one thing was, vanilla doesn't seem to me like a Thalia smell. I personally think she would be more of a cinnamon or apple.

Again, there where a couple of places where you seemed to miss a small word like the, it, and, but, are, ect. Just a quick re-reading should fix that!

Again, you are a wonderful author and keep up the great story!

-Krissy

Author's Response: Hey Krissy!

I'm so glad that you thought I captured the mood, as I wasn't sure if I was going about it in the right way or not! Hehe I'll rethink the smell, it was litreally whatever popped into my head first!

Thank you for pointing those errors out, and I'll go and review them now! Thank you for those lovely compliments, they really make my day :D

-Kiana

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Hi Kiana!

First off, I liked your word choices in this chapter. There were quite a few words that I had to have my IPod define.

Second, that Sirius/Thalia thing was beautiful. I never thought that Sirius would read, but the way you described his motives, it seems like the most natural thing in the world.

The veela thing was clever, but I can't imagine James going after anyone but Lily.

By now your probably tired of me gushing over your stories, but their that good. This chapter left me at the edge of my seat and totally made up for the last filler one.

Your Gusher In Chief,

-Krissy

Author's Response: Hey Krissy!

I'm so glad that you liked my word choice, as I try and keep it varied! Wub I've never had that scene described as beautiful before and it made me melt a little. I'm glad that you found his actions udnerstandable as that's what I wanted it to be like.

Of course James is for Lily, but I couldn't resist not including it. I could never be tired of your gushing, it seriously brightens my day!

Eek thank you for this lovely review!

-Kiana

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Yay! I finally found time for this site!

You asked about character development. Okay. The book thing was very nice and you had a good transition into, nice and smooth. The walk back to the castle was both abrupt and smooth (if that makes any sence). I would give a bit more of the conversation, but overall, GREAT!!

Another thing I would change is describing every class in immense detail. It is a bit filler to describe every class, and I expect more action and plot from you.

There's also a few places where you seemed to skip a few words. Nothing a re-reading can't fix!


One last thing: I can totally relate to Thalia. I don't see how some people don't get excited over the first day if school. Especially at HOGWARTS!!!

Well, hopefully, I'll have some time to read and review tomorrow, so bye for now!

I LOVE your stories!

-Krissy

Author's Response: Hey Krissy I know what you mean about not finding enough time for this site!

Yeah the first few chapters need serious editing. I wrote these ages ago and though they're fixed grammatically I feel in some areas they could still be improved, so I'll definitely go back and include your suggestions.

Haha I know if I went to Hogwarts I would be up at 3am ready to go to class, come it's a school of magic why wouldn't you be excited?

Wub I'm so glad that you love my stories, and don't worry if you don't have time to read and review I know what life can get like!

Thank you for another great review!

-Kiana

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Wow, it's been a long time since I've reviewed this story! :)

I do like this chapter a lot, because I feel like it's just one of those chapters where a whole lot happens, but at the same time, it's not made into a huge deal either. Does that even make sense? Probably not, but oh well.

I really like the parallel you developed between Thalia and Sirius here, in that both end up standing up to their parents, even if Thalia's wasn't quite as dramatic as Sirius's, but I don't imagine it was actually meant that way either.

If I didn't like Thalia's mother before, I certainly don't now. She embodies all the traits of the arrogant purebloods, and just kind of gives off an air of superiority, which I'm sure was your intention. :)

THE KISS. Part of me was expecting something like that to happen, but you did an excellent job of placing it at a different spot than normal, because I did find myself surprised when it actually happened, thinking "Where did that come from?" Definitely a good thing. :)

I like how Pettigrew's shown as a nice kid here, because I truly believe he wouldn't have been friends with the Marauders if he wasn't. I like how you briefly threw in the backstory with his dad, because it kind of explains why Peter is the way that he is, all timid and scared.

Mrs. Potter is adorable, just like one of those mothers that always has cookies ready and it always happy. It creates a nice contrast between Thalia's mother and her.

I really do like the way that you describe George and Thalia's relationship, because she does seem to be interested in him, but in reading about her visit, the one word I come up with for their relationship is "nice." So it's not one of those crazy romances, but it's still cute nonetheless.

Although I'm still pulling for Thalia/Sirius.

Anyways, there really wasn't much here for me to critique on, because there wasn't much that I saw wrong with this chapter! The flow was great, the descriptions beautiful, etc., etc.

Overall, definitely still love reviewing this story! Feel free to re-request for future chapters! :)

-ShadowRose

Author's Response: Ah this review so long and brilliant, I'll do my best to address all the points in it :D

Haha it does make sense, as I guess it starts off vaguely normal and then interesting things happen! I'm glad that you liked the parrallels between the two, as I thought it would make sense that it would happen.

Yeah Thalia's mother's a tricky one, you will find out a lot more about her much later on. I think that's part of the reason why Thalia's exit was less extreme, as she still loves her, unlike Sirius and his parents.

I'm so glad that you liked the kiss! I was really worried it would be cliche having it at all ball and all of that, but I'm glad that you found it wasn't!

I've been a little mean to Pettigrew throughout this, so I felt that I needed that scene to make up for it. I also wanted to show why he was the quieter, and perhaps weaker one, as I do believe there was a reason.

I think 'nice' is the perfect word to describe those two, because though she does like him, there's that part of her which is unsure. I'm still pulling for those two too, and it pained me to make Thalia run away like that!

I'm so glad that you liked this chapter, and I will definitely be back to re-request! Thank you for this great review :D

-Kiana

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Awsome! Thanks for the new chapter! I love this story. It is actully the first fanfiction I have ever read so you should feel honored. I read other fanfictions and compare them to this now. Please write the next chapter soon!

Author's Response: Haha I do feel honored that this is the first fanfiction you read! I'm so glad that you love this story, and this review made me really happy so thank you for it! I would love to hear what you think of the next chapter!

-Kiana

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Hi again!

So, I liked the beggining a lot, and liked that you hot an important scene in early. I liked how you gave us a bit of each OC's character and backstory without having something like this "she had this she is like this she wants this" . I liked how each of the OC's likes the other's summer better. (We can all connect to that).

Two things I would change are the names. I don't mean to critisize the names you picked out, but Mary and Maia are kinda confusing. I can easily keep Alice and Thalia straight in my head by Mary and Maia are very similar in spelling and sound. I would reccomend keepimg that in mind when picking out names for your next fic.

The second thing is Frank Longbottom also was in the same year as the Marauders. You don't have to change it, but just so you know for the future.

Like I said, this is an amazing story with solid OC's. I can't wait to read more!!

-Krissy :D

Author's Response: Hey Krissy!

I'm glad you liked how all of my OC's stories were told as I enjoyed writing them. I thought it would be fun to include the bit about their summers, so I'm glad that you liked it :D

It was only when I was writing chapter 6 that I realised how similar their names are, and how it may be a little confusing. Mary is actualy canon, so I guess I should have changed Maia's name :P

I thought canon said that the Longbottoms were a few years older than the Marauders? Oh well, it's always fun to play with canon :P

I'm so glad that you're liking it, and I can't wait to hear what you think of the rest of it! Thank you for another awesome review!

-Kiana

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Hello, Elphaba here! Sorry it's taken me a while to post this review.

So, this is another well-written and edited chapter. At first I was slightly disappointed that there aren't more details about the attack on Mary, but then I figured that it is consistent with the way things work around Hogwarts. There are never easy answers or quick solutions, are there? :)

This line of Lily's from the hospital scene made me laugh: "But trust me guys, the day I fall for James is the day that I would go into the library and shout rude words..."

I do also really like that Thalia stands up to Snape and tries to get him to reveal who the attacker is. The only sentence that I'm not sure about is this one: "His threats didn't scare me, as they're just a bunch of school boys, so what was the worst he could do?" I wonder if Thalia would really think this after Mary was so seriously injured? Even if she's not afraid of Snape, she might be concerned about his friends.

As usual, my favorite scene in the chapter is the one where Thalia and Sirius end up talking. :) I enjoyed all the details about their muggle studies class, and how Professor Beaumont lived in India for a year and just teaches whatever he likes. And of course I loved the dialog at the end of the chapter, as they argue over what book to read. Thalia's earlier conversation with George seems so stiff and formal in comparison; I assume this is intentional? I can't help thinking that she won't stick with George much longer, given that she just seems to have more fun with Sirius.

Author's Response: Hey Elphaba don't worry about how long it took!

Yes, I realise now I should probably have put a bit more emphasis on the attack in this chapter, but it does reappear a lot in chapter 12 where everything emerges!

Haha I couldn't resist adding that line, as it's so much forshadowing with those two :P

I'm glad that you liked how she stood up to Snape as that was probably the bit which I was most unsure about. I'll review that line, as this chapter hasn't been reviewed in a while, and now I think about it, it does sound a bit odd.

Haha I'm glad that you liked that scene, as they're so much fun to do, and I love including them throughout the chapters! I'm glad that you liked Professor Beaumont, and the dialogue as I wanted to include something light hearted after the events of last time!

Yeah it was intentional, while George is nice, he's just not the one! I don't want to say what happens, but she does stick with George for a little while longer :P

Thanks for another helpful review :D

-Kiana

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I liked how you gave us a sense of the chaos of platform 934, but i felt like i was waiting for some introduction to Remus and Peter.

Author's Response: I'm glad that you liked the chaos, it's one of the most magical parts of the story! I wanted this to just focus on the main people, but they will feature a lot more! Thanks for the review, and I hope you decide to continue reading :)

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Hi, Elphaba here!

First of all, I really like Sirius's humorous commentary on the party. This in particular made me laugh: "Peter was in charge of the music, and given that no Celestina Warbeck was playing, everything was fine."

Grammar and punctuation look great!

The only element I questioned in this chapter is Sirius knowing right away that it he'd found blood: "we discovered a pool of dark crimson blood in the middle of the corridor with no footprints, or other traces of blood leading from it." Might he assume at first that James was playing a prank on him? How would he figure out it really is blood? Would Maia figure it out first? I think it would add a little suspense to the scene if they had to investigate it.

Another thing I really like in this chapter is the conversation between Thalia and Sirius. I appreciate the details she reveals about her father-- I also half hoped that they would snog at the end.

Thanks for another enjoyable chapter! I hope the next chapter reveals who attacked Mary, and that they get what's coming to them. ;)

Author's Response: Hi Elphaba!

I'm glad that you liked the commentary, I think that's one of the best things about writing his character, as you can just write things like that, and it will work.

Yay the grammar's ok, I think it's all thanks to my lovely beta ;D

I hate writing suspense, so I will definitely go back to that scene and incorporate some more, I always feel as if I'm over doing it, but clearly it needs more, so thanks for that :D

I'm sorry about the lack of snog, they're both dating someone though ;) as for the victim it will be revealed in chapter 12, but the attacked is canon if you really want to know!

Thanks for another really useful review,

-Kiana :D

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Short but sweet. Good first chapter to hook a reader in! :) Thalia sounds perfectly lovely and I liked your description of Petunia, haha.

Author's Response: Haha I'm glad that you liked it, and liked the look of Thalia! I couldn't not include the mention of Petunia so I'm glad that you liked it! Thanks for the review,

-Kiana :D

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