Happy Valentines review-a-thon!
I stumbled across this story since it was the featured one-shot on The Golden Snitches and I am so glad I did.
This was truly an amazing piece of writing. It's awesome how I got a chance to come across some of these brilliant stories, thanks to the review-a-thon and thus my search for new stories!
I loved your portrayal of Severus and the way you entwined him with the seven deadly sins. The relation of it all with Lily was fabulous, it clearly showed just how much his life revolved around her and only her. Your writing style was awesome too, and your descriptions were amazing. I especially loved the ending, of "Hope" being his "ultimate sin" (sort of) that destroyed him. That was just great. I really wish I could write as well as you do!
I would say a lot more but I need to rush to bed right now (before my mum totally gets annoyed at me for still being up hehe). Once again, a beautifully written piece, so hats off!
(AditiDraco95)Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing this for me! And for saying such sweet things in the thread at TGS, too -- I've been meaning to post and thank you for days. You have no idea how much it means to me that you took the time to do that. :)
I love writing Severus, and I'm so glad that people seem to enjoy the way I write him, too. He is just endlessly fascinating to me, you know? I'm not sure where exactly the idea for writing about him in connection with the seven deadly sins came from, but it was a real exercise, and it was sort of like putting together a puzzle. In other words, it was a lot of fun!
I'm so, so glad that you were able to read this for me. And I'm pleased you enjoyed it, too! Thanks a million, Aditi! ♥ Report Review
So now that the site glitches seem to have stopped *touchwood* I can now get on with reviewing this little one-shot, which has been sat on a spare tab for the past few days so that I don't forget to review... *blushes*
I absolutely loved this!! Getting a glimpse of Severus when he was Headmaster of Hogwarts was so interesting, and I liked the little quirk you included about him being ashamed of knowing about those seven deadly sins because that was intertwined with his Muggle father- although technically you could argue that Lily, a Muggle-born, could have told him what those sins were and he could then associate how he knew them with her. ;)
There are a lot of Severus/Lily one-shots out there, but this one is similar yet very different. I especially liked this line: And there was nothing more degrading in this world than to be envious of a corpse. And yet, he was.. That, and in fact the whole paragraph, just puts a whole new perspective on Severus' hatred of James and how those feelings make him feel to be feeling them. (I hope that made sense...?)
And that twist at the end, where Severus resents that it is not those sins, but hope that ends up being his undoing... oh, Rachel. I may just have to be put into a freezer after reading this. :') This one-shot shouldn't be sweet, and yet it feels adorable. I just... Severus is breaking my little heart of feels in this fanfic. *applause*
All in all, this is beautiful. Seriously. ♥Author's Response: Kate! I'm SO late about responding to this, and I'm really sorry about that -- I honestly didn't intend for it to get to be over two weeks. A combination of laziness and a slowdown of reviews in general over the holiday season have made me horrible at this.
I'm so happy to hear you enjoyed this, though! ♥ Snape's my go-to when I'm in the mood for writing a one-shot and have no other ideas; he's very easy for me to write somehow. I like to think that I understand him well, and he's a fascinating character for me (which I mentioned in my responses to your MTA questions!). I like the idea of his knowing about the sins through Lily, too; I didn't think of that.
I only write unrequited Severus/Lily, and I like exploring that relationship, too -- from both sides, even. And of course James, who's not technically a part of that ship, but is the reason for its being unrequited, really. I like that line, too. ♥
-shoves you into the freezer- That line still cracks me up! Thank you for such a lovely review on this; I know it's taken me a while to come over here and tell you so, but it truly does mean so much to me to have people like you reading what I write. :3 Report Review
Hello! I finally made it here! I've been intending to read this story for quite a while now, and when I got it for the exchange, I was super thrilled! I'm sorry I'm a bit late though.
Severus Snape is one of the most complex characters to write about, in my opinion, but you seem to understand him so well! The way you have grouped the sins and sort of mapped out the route for his thoughts made it incredibly easy to sympathise with Severus and truly grasp his suffering. You've showed that his love for Lily had a depth, that it was not a mere infatuation as many would like to believe and that made me really happy! The bit in which thinking about Lily made his hardships easier to withstand back when he's a child was, although slightly daunting, quite touching. And it's almost marvellous how now, even when she's dead, thinking about Lily is the way Severus gets through his day.
You know which part was the most painful? It's the part where you say that Severus wishes he were James just to be with Lily. I can't even imagine which hurt him more, not being with Lily or wishing he were in James's shoes. My heart ached for him, truly! And I liked your vision regarding how Severus still hopes Lily would be his, even though she's dead, because it's such a Severus thing to do! I mean, he's always been so determined and he almost always got what he wanted. Except her. :'(
Honestly, I really, really enjoyed this story. It was rather thought-provoking and made me feel like I've got to know Severus a little bit more through it, to unravel a bit more of his kinked up personality,and I really enjoyed that!
Wonderful, wonderful work! :D
-MannoAuthor's Response: Hello! It's neat to see that you were already looking to read this story when you got paired with it -- and no worries about the lateness, of course. I'm a bit late in responding to your lovely review, so I apologize in turn! :)
I'm so happy to hear that you think I understand Snape! I like to think so: I've written loads about him in the two years I've been writing under this account name, and he's one of my favorite characters to write about, largely because of how complex he is: He doesn't have just one side on really any issue. It annoys me a bit when people portray his love for Lily as either tragic and poetic, or just flat-out creepy, because there is a depth to it that really is fun to dig deep and analyze. (Of course, I'm big on analysis in general.) He lived his entire life for her, from the moment he met her, both when she was alive and dead. And I would say that perhaps the one time he DIDN'T live for her was his biggest regret, because that was when she turned him away, when he called her a Mudblood and rejected her help.
Isn't that heart-wrenching, that he might wish to be his worst enemy? And he owed James a life debt, too, which of course, being Snape, he can't ever just disregard. I love what you said at the end, too: He got everything except Lily, and that's really what destroyed him, in the end.
I'm very happy you've enjoyed the one-shot, and everything you claim to have felt is exactly what I was going for! Your compliments truly do mean a lot to me. ♥ Thanks so much for exchanging with me this past month! Report Review
Yes, yes, I finally have a chance to read this! Yay!
Ugh, I love your characterization. You get at the heart of Severus's obsession without demonizing him. It seems so innocent, the way he just collected her over time, not even realizing how much he had taken until he was head over heels. I love that he used his memories of Lily to block out the bad memories he made at home. It's just--I can see how he became so practiced, so careful, because in his youth he was so foolish. You've taken a grand theme in his life and brought it down to this teeny, tiny, seemingly innocent level.
And then in the second section, you bring it full circle. There is his greatest flaw for all to see--he gave up everything for her, except for himself. That explains his desperate desire to take it all back and re-make himself even after her death. His biggest regret, his biggest mistake. I knew it, of course, but I had never really boiled it down quite like this. This is why Severus is so tragic--wow. It almost makes me dislike her for a minute, except for that lingering perfection he sees in her!
Oh, Rachel, way to twist the knife! It's so interesting to follow the braided, twisted cords of Snape's mind here. It's almost like he justifies his obsession by believing that James doesn't deserve Lily because he's dead, because Severus is alive and could have still been with her, perhaps even protected her from Voldemort, had a family with her. He tries to hate her and can't, so he turns it full force on James and everything about James. I wish I could make everyone read this so they could get Severus. He is JKR's Severus.
And that ending! It's so true--why do all this if there wasn't some fleeting shred of belief that Lily would turn to him one day and be grateful? That she might take it all back and take him instead? It's neat to see that he still blames it all on himself, his vulnerability--never on Lily and her choice.
This review is officially incoherent, but I loved this, just as I knew that I would. Lovely work! ♥
AmandaAuthor's Response: I'm so glad to see you here! I've missed your reviews -- they're always so lovely -- and, of course, I'm always anxious to hear your opinion on Snape/Lily, you being quite the expert in it.
So hearing that you are so complimentary of Severus here is just... I cannot tell you what that means to me. ♥ I have a very firm picture of him, in my head, and it's quite a complex one. The man's got a lot of conflicting, carefully balanced personality traits that are all working to make him the man that we read in the canon series. I can understand people not liking Snape, but how anyone couldn't be fascinated by him is beyond me. He's genius!
His love for Lily starts out to be almost idyllic, but you're very right in saying that he's found a way to justify his obsession. And think how he would have felt, knowing Lily chose James over him, in the end -- crushing doesn't even begin to describe it.
Your review isn't incoherent at all! If anything, this response completely and absolutely does not do it justice. :) Seriously, Amanda -- thank you so, so much for this. I'm so happy you enjoyed the story! Report Review
Gah, I'm so sorry this is late! I was about to pm you to apologise, but then I had a bit of free time and nabbed the chance to actually get the review in. Life has been hectic recently, with deadlines and tests and more reading to do than I have hours for, but it's an explanation not an excuse and I'm sorry!
Anyway, I loved this! I'm not a huge fan of Snily myself (I'm a big canon lover), I have to admit - it's not something I look out for at all - but this was just beautiful. You took everything about the ship - the way Severus' feelings are ever-so more towards obsession than anything else, the way he's jealous of James, the possessive nature he has... and you put it all into this while somehow managing not to degrade the fact that he loved her. Because he did, but he was all those other things as well, and you just balanced the two so well. I don't feel sorry for Severus, but I suppose I pity him in a way, because yes, he loved her, but they would never have worked, you know? It was kinda doomed to be forever one-sided, in a way, and the way you described them as so different, with paths simply happening to run alongside each other for a while conveyed that so well.
Your writing is brilliant as well. Even with the quotes and the references to classic literature and things, it was so easy to read - almost effortless. I think I noticed one point where you changed tense - you said 'chooses' and I'm not sure if you meant 'chose' instead? - but that doesn't really matter. It didn't detract from the story at all for me. You might want to check it over, though, simply because it's the only mistake and having a flawless one-shot would be pretty amazing :P
Also, I thought the way you grouped the sins was interesting. They fit very well together in those groups for the one-shot, but I wouldn't ever really have thought about grouping them together like that myself. I'd probably have done it differently... The mention of hope being the cruellest sin of all was fascinating as well - I've honestly never thought about it like that before, but for him, it is and you really made me understand that.
I've actually sat here for a couple of minutes now, trying to find something constructive to say, some way you could improve after all the advice you gave me (which, I have to say, was brilliant), but I just can't find anything O.o
I really loved this!
Aph xxAuthor's Response: No worries at all! I completely understand how real life can get in the way of our fan fiction pursuits, and I really am pleased you dropped by at all. Don't give it another thought!
I'm a pretty big canon lover, myself, and this is really the only way I love Snily (though I adore it in this sense) -- unrequited love, where Snape forever pines for her, and Lily never returns his sentiments. There's something bittersweet and romantically tragic about the fact that every major choice Snape made in his life, and for most of the second half of that life, was done for Lily, the woman he never, ever stopped loving. I don't think it was an entirely healthy obsession by any means, and I write Snape a lot, so something I'm always trying to get across is this sort of complex duality about him. There are positive and negative attributes to his personality, and I feel that, a lot of the time, people write him in one extreme or the other. He is a huge mix of traits and I can't even list them all (I've just tried to provide examples!); I love him for his complexity.
I'm so, so pleased that you find my writing easy to read, too! ♥ That really means a lot to me. The quotes and allusions aren't designed to make me seem... intelligent, or whatever; they're there to supplement the story, and if I can't get that story across to the reader, then the supplementary materials aren't any good. You know? I get frustrated with people who write in such an abstract style that people confuse their lush imagery and scores of words for substance and depth. Just tell me what you mean! (Thank you for catching that slip, too -- I changed tenses halfway through this, and editing was a real pain!)
I played around with different groupings of the seven sins, and I'm happy to hear that the groups I ended up using worked for you. :) And I'm beyond flattered that you've claimed to not be able to find critique!
This review truly is lovely, Aph -- I'm still a bit speechless, reading it back over. I'm so glad we got paired up for this month's exchange! ♥ Thank you so, so much for taking the time to leave such in-depth comments! Report Review
Hi there! I'm here with your requested review. I'll be writing as I read ;)
Sidebar: gorgeous banner. I think it's really going to draw people in because it's interesting and requires you to take a second look.
Really good introductory sentence. It certainly draws the reader in. Unfortunately, the next sentence is a little clumsy. Perhaps if it was worded differently--namely not saying "fact" twice--it would continue to draw readers in. There's also an overload on punctuation, I think, throughout the first scene. It's beautifully written but we end up focusing more on the cadence in which we're supposed to read it, than the words. The first paragraph or so is one of the most important parts of a fic and you need to keep readers interested. Perhaps getting a Beta reader to help you with your punctuation would be a good idea? I think a little reworking here would really pay off! :)
I really like that you've broken each sin into a different section with a different quotation. I haven't seen this often on HPFF and think it's a really unique idea. There's some beautiful language here, like "He was small, she smaller, delicate as feathers fallen from birds." Also, "He would do very nearly anything to see her smile, equal parts wicked and lovely."
Your metaphor of Severus consuming Lily as an example of gluttony is wonderful. "Lily-his." So intriguing and innocently disturbing.
I don't know about repeating "There are seven deadly sins; Severus knows them well." Maybe if you just had the first half of it there? The reader would certainly recognize that you're referring to an earlier part of your story. Also, slight typo--the next sentence says "not just the things a person one should strive away from."
I love that hope is the eighth deadly sin. Wonderful. I think you've done a great job of portraying angst in a very believable way--Severus is numb to the world but will never be able to forget these thoughts that are haunting him. Great work, here. :)Author's Response: Hey! Thank you for this review -- and I'm very sorry about the extended period you've had to wait for a response on it. Isn't the banner beautiful? hedwidgeon's truly an artistic genius!
I do see where you're coming from about the second sentence, although will all due respect, I'm leaving it as is. :) I'm perfectly satisfied with the readers I have drawn in with this story, and though you've mentioned cadence over words as a negative thing, I'm definitely taking that as a positive comment. There is an intended rhythm to this story, and that's why it's written the way it is. Punctuation in this story is included stylistically, on purpose, to achieve a certain effect and tone.
I'm glad you liked the language and phrases I included here! That goes along with the poetic tone, you see. ;) Repetition is also a factor in that, which is why I repeated the sentence about the seven deadly sins. This one-shot is intended less as straightforward prose and more of something stylistic, and I perhaps needed to have mentioned that in the review thread, because you seem to have read with straightforward intent.
Thank you for taking the time to review this for me -- I do appreciate it very much! Report Review
Hello Jane! This one-shot was really, really great! I loved it! Severus has so much death to him, and even with everything JKR tells us about him, there is always more that we can figure for ourselves, and sink our teeth into. I think this one-shot was an excellent example of that. You got even deeper and more personal into Severus's love for Lily, and how it affected his entire life, on a level that is purely emotion and soul. I really think that this is all about Severus and Lily, because even when James is brought into the story, it is only because it causes such a strong emotional reaction in Severus. Also, I think the fact that Harry is never mentioned makes it feel much more internal. I really loved this, and I think you did a fabulous job with it! Also, CONGRATULATIONS FOR WINNING A DOBBY! You most definitely deserve it! 10/10
Cassie :)Author's Response: Cassie! ♥ I'm so, so sorry about how long it's taken me to respond to this review... and I really have no honest excuse for why that is. Nevertheless, I'm here now, and still just continually blown away at how AWESOME of a reviewer you are!
Severus is (as I'm sure you've noticed) one of my favorite characters to try and tackle, and I do so pretty often. I just love writing about him, you know? I love thinking about Snape/Lily in more realistic -- and hence unrequited -- fashion, and exploring the emotional consequences of his extreme devotion towards her, despite her death. You're very right: James is merely mentioned here. The rest is all very much solely Snape/Lily.
I am smiling in the middle of government class, re-reading this review. :3 Thank you for your congratulations, too -- I'm so honored to have won another Dobby this year! ♥ You are wonderful. And I'm sincerely hoping to see you back across my page quite soon! Report Review
Hey, it's Molly from the forums here with your review. Sorry there was a bit of delay!
I really enjoyed this one-shot! I thought you captured Snape's anguish over all of his past misdeeds and regrets very well. Usually, I don't feel very sympathetic towards Snape, but there were a few moments in this where my heart really went out to the guy. I don't know if this was intentional or not, but his love for Lily almost seemed obsessive, which is how I always imagined his feelings towards Lily to be. I won't go into a long-winded rant about my feelings toward Snape/Lily, but you pulled this unrequited love bit off very, very well.
You mentioned something in your request about this one-shot making sense. I thought it made perfect sense. I was never confused by the time or the situation; it was all very clear in the language you used. Which was very pretty, by the way, without being overdone. I love subtlety in writing and you've achieved it beautifully in this one-shot.
Sorry my review's not longer, but I can't find anything to critique about this piece, other than it not being longer.
- MollyAuthor's Response: Hi! First of all -- SO sorry that it's taken me so long to respond to this. I really have no great excuse for it, and I definitely don't try and make it a habit to leave so long between responses. I'm a bit embarrassed, actually! Thank you for being so great and patient.
I'm happy that you enjoyed this story! Snape is one of my favorite characters to write, and I feel like I do so pretty often; he's kind of my go-to when I'm feeling like writing something new. And yet I do think that, yes, his love for Lily was a bit obsessive. I love the idea of it, but at the same time... he gave his entire life over to a dead woman, and there is something to think about in that, either positively or negatively. I'm doubly appreciative that you, with perhaps differing feelings on Snape/Lily, enjoyed this all the same!
My one-shots have taken a somewhat more stylistic turn in the past nine months or so, and so I'm always mildly concerned about them making sense, as it were. And thank you for your compliment on the language usage, too! :)
Again, I'm really, really sorry about how long it's taken me to respond to this review. Thank you so much for leaving it, and I hope to someday see you back on my author's page! Report Review
Wow. Just wow. This is amazing. Really really good. I really enjoyed this.
I have actually thought along these lines before. I love how nicely you tied Snape into these sins and how comfortable it felt. You took his story and put it into a form that felt so real. You can imagine Snape sitting in the headmasters office reflecting on the movements that got him there. All the sins felt so right in the order that they were there.
And Snape feeling like Hope had destroyed him the most was so perfect. It is such a Snape conclusion to make. I really enjoyed this piece :)Author's Response: Hey! I love random reviews -- really, thank you so much for taking the time to leave this. :) I'm so happy you liked it so much!
I think that thinking along the lines of Severus and deadly sins is pretty natural; I'm not surprised you've thought of it before. :P It came very easily while writing it, and the idea itself didn't have a lot of concrete formation, as opposed to just suddenly /appearing/, per se. I worked and played around a bit with the order of the list of sins, too, so I'm doubly appreciative that you thought that was done well!
Thanks so much for taking the time to review this for me; it really does mean a lot, though it's kind of hard to convey in a response. :) Hoping to see you back by here again before too long! Report Review
This was a really good one shot. It was an interesting choice of structure which worked very effectively. We could see how each seperate sin affected Snape in a very real way, and it kind of came full circle to explain why he ended up the way he is. I could really go on rambling for a while, but keep up the good work!Author's Response: Hey -- great to see you by here! Mel's status really made me smile, and yours and Susan's responses to it, even more so. :3 I'm happy you took the time to swing by!
I'm really actually quite relieved that you were able to see the sins so clearly; another reviewer of mine had a bit of trouble with it, and I was worried it was too vague, you know? But there was definitely, as I told Susan in an earlier response, a full-circle aspect to the thing. I feel like you just got this one-shot. :D
Thanks once more for this review! I've been meaning to run by lately and review some more of your stories, incidentally; I have yet to finish all of your Voldemort stories, you know. ;) Hoping to see you back by here again soon! Report Review
My goodness, Rachel -- this is gorgeous and so intellectual and gahh. Your severus things are the only severus things for me (with a few exceptions) and so this serves as a kick to my memory and procrastination that I should have been and should be reading sneth. gahhh.
Anyway, the thought that hope is the eighth deadly sin is so haunting and almost painful -- hope that someday he can find a redemption from the other seven perhaps? I had such an image (thanks in part to the DHp1 film) of snape standing in the window watching the marching columns of students in the last few passages of this story -- I'm assuming you intended that, but if now, kudos b/c it worked gloriously.
I tend to find myself more fond of more loosely structured onse shots lately (when I'm writing, not necessarily when I'm reading) and the effectiveness that this little one shot packed reminds me how powerful structure can be... it was succint and organized and in being so left such an impact. I loved the way the quotes were interspersed in this, and your references to thing muggle that snape would know and have repressed and possibly detested. I especially loved the reference to atlas... but I'm currently rereading atlas shrugged for about the third time. so, yeah.
Your imagery here was amaz-sauce. It was sparse and succinct just as snape is, but so effective. I especially loved the bit about lily beind a feather dropped from a bird. Where does your brain get these things?? share yo secretz woman. :P
Anywah, this was brilliant and you are brilliant and if I use the word brilliant again I'm not sure how'd I'd do so, but anyway. (too much coffee)
Great one shot!Author's Response: Mel! ♥ It was such a lovely surprise to see you dropping by this story, and of course I'm so flattered to hear your compliments on my Snape. :3 I would honestly love so much for you to read Sneth; that would make my entire life, basically. And hopefully someday you will! Of course you know you don't have to at all, but I can't help it; that story's dear to me. ;)
'Hope' is largely that he'll find redemption for the other seven, yes -- and really, hope's what killed him. He lasted for all these years solely on the premise of Lily, either dead or alive, and it's that hope that he could in some way make it up to her that brought him to this point, sitting in the headmaster's office. I did not intend that image of Snape watching the columns of students marching past, but that image really does fit! I'm glad you pointed that out! :D
I'm the entire opposite, of course -- structure rules my life. I'm so happy that its structure impacted you, though. :) The quotes were the first things I went and found, after deciding that yes, I was going to write /this/ one-shot, and I actually had to pare it down to three from... seven, I think? The Atlas reference came from nowhere, but I really like it, and for some reasons allusions are often factored into my one-shots, of late. (Also -- never read Atlas Shrugged, but I want to!)
The feather dropped from a bird thing? No idea. Honestly. :D SOMETIMES THINGS JUST POP INTO MY BRAIN AND I RUN WITH THEM. TRUFAX. I want coffee now. ♥ Seriously, thank you so much for reviewing this for me! You're fab! Report Review
Hello! I'm True Author with your requested review! =]
First of all, I must say that this made sense. ;) I'm Indian and English is not my first language, but still, I understood this. This is beautifully written fic.
Other thing I liked is Snape's characterization. From the first book, the reader believes that Severus Snape is a cruel, emotionless character and in the end, JKR stuns the reader with that amazing twist- "The Prince's Tale". Since I knew that he loved Lily, I never thought he was a villian. The point is, I've never read about Snape like this. I'm tired of stories, in which the authors keep telling us how Snape wasn't sorry about his envy for James and blah blah blah. But in your story, Snape's feelings are realistic. After all he was a man, so he must have been sorry.
Anyways, the grammar, the plot, the characterization, and everything else is fantastic. I just thought you should have written in seven parts or you should have mentioned that there are three sins.
Hope this wasn't harsh! =]Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for reviewing this so quickly -- and I'm glad that the story made sense to you, especially as a nonnative English speaker. :3 That's a pretty neat thing to hear, because sometimes I know that my one-shots can be a touch... abstract. But anyway!
I'm SO happy you liked Snape's characterization, too. He's a character I write a lot of (a short story collection, two novels, several one-shots...) and his characterization is pretty well-defined in my head, so hearing that people like it is pretty important to me. I actually hated him right up until Deathly Hallows, and now he's one of my favorite characters! I think it's very important for people to paint him realistically, the good and the bad, and that's something I always, always strive to do when I write him. He is a human more than anything else; he loves, he hates, he's guilty of things and innocent of others. He is HUMAN, if I may say it again, and I seem to have gotten that across to you here. :D Which is awesome!
Ahh, I do think there was a bit of confusion. :3 It's true that there are three defined sections to this story (with, of course, present-time scenes enclosing them at the beginning and the end). But there are actually all seven sins represented in the story. There are three in the section marked 'one.', three in the section marked 'two.', and one in the section marked 'three.' That is why they're listed out, and why I mention all seven. They aren't explicit beyond the lists, but hopefully you can pick them out and see that they appear in the order listed. I hope that makes sense to you!
This review wasn't harsh at all, no worries. :) And I hope I've cleared up a bit of that confusion for you! Thank you for being so kind as to review this for me, and I hope you get the inclination to return soon! Report Review
Hi, it's dobbys_socks from the forums with your requested review.
Wow, this was beautiful. The whole theme of the seven deadly sins being the exact path he took to losing everything is brilliant, and hope at the end destroying him, and the imagery was amazing.
At some points you may have been a bit excessive with descriptions, for example the line "Six, if he walked quickly and pushed the muscles in his legs to move faster." Adding the second part wasn't really necessary. That's like, the only fault I found though :).
This was the best Snape/Lily I've read (I'm not kidding) and I'm adding it to my favourites. Well done, it was awesome.
dobbyAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for doing this, and getting back to me so quickly, too! I'm so happy that you enjoyed it; I got really into the topic of fitting the seven deadly sins into Severus's life, and of course, adding an eighth of my own. Hearing that you thought it was (to rephrase a bit of your review) brilliant makes me so, so happy, because I feel like I've accomplished in this story what I set out to!
I appreciate your comment on the excessive nature of the descriptions, though, with all due respect, I think I'll leave that particular line into. That one comes from my own experience; when I'm walking quickly across campus, or going somewhere in a hurry, I push the muscles in my legs, and that burn's a familiar one, you know? A fairly large portion of my writing things like that come from my personal experience. :)
Your comment about this being the best Snape/Lily you've read TOTALLY made my day! ♥ That's a huge compliment, and I'm honored you said so. Thank you for taking the time to leave me a review on this story! :3 Report Review
Heya! Perelandra here from the forums! So sorry it took a while! Being slightly sick kinda ruins things.
The first thing I noticed and liked was the banner. I absolutely love it. Its simple but the coloring is what makes it.
Anyway! Hahaha! On to the story.
The first part of the story I came to the realization that you have an amazing talent to weave words together. I envy you! Not in a bad way but in a way I wish I had a bit of your talent to immediately suck people into the story. Even with the little description and setting, with your choice of words you managed to take me to the Headmaster's Office!
The grouping of Lust, greed, gluttony was great! I really had no idea how you were going to do it since my brain immediately associates it with the sexual, money and food. However, it was really refreshing to see your version. All three being associated with Lily's smiles, laughs and his memories of her that he hoarded. He needed it after having gone through that harsh life while growing up. Pretty much she was the light at the end of his tunnel.
The line "And he had no room in his tidily organized memory fragments for Lily-someone-else's" made me go 'awww' out loud.
I really wish you had expanded a bit more of the 'Envy' portion. You gave great examples and moments of the other sins. I know that you were covering three at a time but it seems that Severus is built more around 'Envy' than any other sin. In my honest opinion, Envy is his greatest sin and I think you were trying to bring that through by having it by itself. But I think it needs a bit more emphasis; he disliked Harry for being the son of James and Lily, you know.
Anyway! This was a great read! I really enjoyed your characterization and narrative. Thanks for requesting a review from me! :D
--RosieAuthor's Response: Hey! No worries about the response -- you were nice enough to be willing to do this for me, and that's so appreciated. The fact that you were sick is understandable! And isn't the banner fantastic? I'm kind of in love with hedwidgeon's stuff, no big deal. :3
I'm very glad you enjoyed this, too! Those are very encouraging words; I sometimes have trouble with the beginnings of stories, so hearing that you were drawn in by this one makes me feel fantastic. The notion of writing this about the seven deadly sins really popped into my head with no conscious thought, and I was pleasantly surprised at how easy it was to apply them all to Severus (who is, admittedly, generally the first character I'll go to in setting out to write a one-shot).
I do see what you mean about expanding the 'envy' portion of this story, although it is true that the other sections were longer because they consisted of groups of three sins, instead of one. And while I don't think it's perhaps entirely accurate to say that envy was Severus's greatest sin, or the sin that most defined him, I will try and expand on it. I appreciate you for pointing it out!
Thank you so much for taking the time to review this for me; it was such a nice thing to do, and really made me smile. Here's hoping that I might see you back by my page before too long! :) Report Review
You probably know by now that I usually steer clear of Severus pieces (except for In The Black, of course) but I felt the need to finish this piece after that little teasing slice.
I have to admit, this was nothing like I expected but as usual, I adored this more than I could possibly say in less than 6000 characters. Next time, share a bit of that talent around, eh? (L)
x ElyAuthor's Response: I can never understand why someone would steer clear of Snape in any regard, though of course I did know that about you. :D And that makes me all the more happy when you drop by like this and surprise me with a review on -- surprise -- a Snape story!
I'm very happy to hear that you enjoyed it, too. ♥ I will sent you mental baskets of talent, if you wish it, although it makes me blush a bit (literal blushing, if you must know) to even type out those words -- as though it's mine to dish out!
But really, Ely. Thank you for being so awesome. It means so much to me to have reviews from you -- it really does! :3 Report Review
Prepare for much rambling because this story has caught me in a thoughtful mood. The structure of this story is fantastic. In fact, the whole story is polished, pristine. It's like you sat there thinking over every word and piece of punctuation so that it would be perfect. Do remember to leave a little talent for the rest of us, okay? :P
What you've done here is very interesting, and I'm still pondering over it. I love the style of this story - it has a beautiful symmetry and design to it, written with great care so that all the pieces perfectly fit together. How the first and last sections balance one another, bringing Severus's thoughts full-circle as he looks back and remembers. The portrayal of memory here is striking and feels very realistic - it's like looking into the Penseive, never letting us forget that Severus is still sitting in the headmaster's chair. Instead of being just another "looking back" story that moves through and "shows" memories in real-time, this story remains rooted in the present-time Snape's head so that we see it all in retrospective, filtered and altered by all the things he's experienced since. It's something I haven't seen in stories like this (it's more usually done with full-flashbacks), and that's why I've fixated upon it. *hides* I love it and I'm suffering from that last sin, just like Snape.
This version of Snape is also of interest. He's softer than I expected, which is quite refreshing - no old grudges or maturities showing through. It feels as though he knows that he's approaching the end, already an old man who thinks over his past again and again - he recognizes the impossibility of changing the past, perhaps the truest sign of having grown up. That second to last paragraph was like a stab to the heart. The thought that hope is the thing which destroyed him. it's time to cue the gross sobbing.
This review is likely on the incoherent side, but know that this story turned out amazingly. I really need to read more of your one-shots because each one I do read leaves me staring open-mouthed at the screen, struggling to put my thoughts and emotions into words. Your writing is brilliant! ^_^Author's Response: Susan, your reviews are always the hardest to respond to. ♥ If you prepared me for rambling, then you yourself should be doubly prepared! I don't need to leave any talent for you, of course; you've been gifted with heaps of it already.
I'm so glad that you enjoyed the style of this. :) It came quite naturally, in the writing of it; I sat down knowing I wanted to write a one-shot, and the idea of the seven deadly sins materialized almost instantly in my head, without any conscious thought. The first and last sections are intended very much as a full-circle effect (that's a rather apt way of putting it!). I've never much liked flashback stories, though a few of my one-shots do include them, and this was intended to be markedly different. I think one of the things I appreciate most about your reviews is the analyzing of such things; you very much seem to see the exact and deliberate way I write, and that's always immensely gratifying to see.
I think the "soft" Snape might come from my intense love of exploring his character. :D This goes along somewhat with 'Infinity' for the precise reasons you elaborate: He can sense his end is pretty much imminent, and must take responsibility for what he has done in the past. Nearly the entire course of his life has been directed by Lily, directly or no; he never lost hope that things might be reconciled, and that, more than anything, brought him to sit in Dumbledore's seat, as headmaster.
Your review isn't incoherent at all; on contrary, you manage to sound just as intelligent in leaving them as you do in your own writing, and that's saying a lot! ♥ It's such a high compliment from you, to see such fantastic words, because you're a writer I myself admire a lot. Thank you so much for being willing to read this, and it makes me so happy that you enjoyed it so much! (And while I'm thinking about it -- thank you SO MUCH for adding me as a favorite author, too!) Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection