Heya! Reviewing for the Gryffie 'review the person above you' thread.
Wow...this is the second story of yours that I've read and it was another winner :) I really liked the way you introduced the two characters separately, gave a bit of insight into where they were coming from and then connected them together. it made their conversation that much more meaningful.
Oh poor Colin! I actually had tears in my eyes at the end and then when Blaise pushes him in the lake...! I laughed out loud because it was so unexpected, and yet it was absolutely perfect for the moment (especially considering that they'd just talked about falling in the lake) and a really good way to end the story on a high note that made you laugh and feel good without it being overly mushy or disrespecting the tone of the rest of the piece. You have a good understanding of balance, knowing just how far to push an idea or emotion before pulling back.
I loved the characterisation of the two, they were very believable, and I thought Blaise's remorse was perfectly measured, not too think and over-the-top but enough that you liked him as a character. I loved where it's talking about Harry's name on the monument and then you have this quote: "Privately, Blaise thinks that this is a bit dramatic. After all, Harry had only been dead for, what? Five minutes?"
What a perfect way to show the Slytherin pride that is still in there, even though he is working so hard to be a better person. Those few sentences added so much depth and reality to that character, really clever.
You have lovely writing technique, I don't think I spotted any errors, or if I did, they didn't distract me from the story, so that's really good too.
I only have good things to say and I will definitely be back to check out more of your writing in the future! :)Author's Response: Thanks so much for the AMAZING review! It completely made my day :D
Yes, i do love that line. My secret inner Slytherin coming out in my writing. Sh.
Thanks for the beautiful review!
~Gilly Report Review
I absolutely loved reading this. You have somehow managed to make Dennis Creevey and Blaise Zabini meet, and it makes sense, they are both in character, and they do not end up hexing each other.
This is the type of writing I really enjoy, and now I'm off to read some more of your stories!
:)Author's Response: Awwwe! Yay! hank you so much for the review, you actually just made my day a whole lot brighter :D Report Review
Wow! I really enjoyed this story! Such a heartwarming and well-written tale. I truly love how you portray both characters, their post-war lives, and how they cope.
The ending is incredible and rather unexpected. I like how you take this new beginning of theirs back to where Dennis' Hogwarts adventure started. And when they are lifted up by the giant squid: it was so hopeful and lovely.Author's Response: Thanks so much for the lovely review :D it made my day! Report Review
Here from the Strange Meeting challenge!
Seeing as this is a pre-written story, I have to ask... where on earth did you come up with the idea for this story?! Dennis Creevey and Blaise Zabini? Thatís such an odd little idea, but I have to say, you really make it work. The plot is simple, but sweet and the simplicity makes it that much more readable, and easier to enjoy the details of the story. Your imagining of the memorial statue is absolutely brilliant; I love the idea of a phoenix rising again and again, with the feathers marking the years.
It's also really nice that you point out that Colin, amongst many others, doesn't get the recognition as 'hero' that he deserves. The thought of Bane and the house-elves dying was really sad!
I LOVE the idea of Harry becoming The Boy Who Died - because after all, he willingly embraced death, thinking it would help save everyone else. But I do enjoy Blaise's sardonic little thought. Once a Slytherin, hey?
There are so many little touches that I liked in this story; Dennis taking photos to Colin, the Creeveys taking away Dennisís wand, Blaise wading in to the disaster and later becoming a Healer. I love any story that mentions Madam Pomfrey!
Your characterization of both characters is very good. I like Blaiseís thoughts about the other Slytherins, and the fact that he still feels shame. I have to say, at first I had to try to not take it personally when Blaise was so scathing about the Slytherins, but then I thought about it, and he was right! Even before I Ďbecameí a Slytherin, I always thought it was a bit too much that not a single one of them stayed to fight - so it was good to see a story in which one of them does try and help.
You wind up this story by doing something totally unexpected... you make it all heart-warming! And you did it beautifully. The memory of Dennis being a small boy wrapped in Hagridís coat, with no clue of what lay ahead for him and his family, and the way that he makes Blaise laugh was really lovely. Then, when they are both lifted up by the Squid, I actually felt a little teary! It was very touching.
There are one or two issues you need to look at - the formatting is all over the place and makes it quite hard to read the story (the line spacing and font etc). Some people might click on it, but not read it because it looks so messy; which would be a huge shame, as this is a lovely little one-shot. The other thing is that there are one or two misplaced quotation marks next to parts that arenít speech. It might be worth just going over the story again, or finding a beta.
However, these little issues didnít really detract from what I think is a lovely, surprising, and touching story. Thanks for entering my challenge!
Athene xoxoAuthor's Response: THank you so much for the review!
I can't claim the idea for this story: it was written for another challenge, redherring's Non-Romantic Pairing challenge.
I never would have thought of these two characters on my own xD
Thank you so much for the lovely review.
I know about the formatting though -_-
I had to get it up before the deadline and the copy/paste from pages didn't work all that well, so i just gave up. i will get it edited soon, so thanks for the feedback :D
I try very hard not to vilify Slytherins in my writing, they get so much flack for being the "bad" house, but really, Slytherin traits are very admirable and they definitely don't deserve to always be the bad guys. A Huffelpuff is just as likely to be a bad person as a Slytherin.
THat's why I made Blaise go back, since we know that he isn't closely related to death eaters, it seemed like he'd be the most likely to return.
Thanks again for the wonderful review!
~Gill Report Review
Hi! Firstly, thank you so much for entering my challenge! Secondly, sorry it's taken me so long to get round to your reviews, I can be rather forgetful.
Anyway, I really enjoyed this! I really like the way you've brought Blaise and Dennis together. I thought it was a creative and moving situation you've put them in. I liked the way you connected their two sections with the "he is broken" / "he is lost". It shows that these two people who seem to have nothing in common are not as different as you might think.
On that note, I liked that you didn't have Blaise as just another Slytherin who ran away. I've always found Blaise an interesting character, and as he wasn't that close to Draco and the rest, I think it's completely plausible that he would have stayed behind. I like the idea of him trying to redeem his house - Slytherins don't have to be the bad guys! I loved this line - "shrunken hearts still beating" Ė and I think it was much more interesting to have Blaise saying these things about Slytherins than someone from a different house. But at the same time, he was still Slytherin-ish and I liked the slightly snide/exasperated remark he made about Harry only being dead about five minutes.
While there are plenty of post-war-mourning stories out there, I felt like this had loads of original touches. I LOVED the idea of the phoenix monument, with it being 'reborn' every year. That felt practically canon - I can really see it actually being there. I loved the way you used the Giant Squid, too - it was nice to have some humour in there. And the bantering about Umbridge, and Dennis as a first year in the lake, was funny but really quite poignant as well.
I spotted a couple of typos: "his brother dies" (I assume should be 'died'); "sunshine that one sees in early may" (needs a capital letter). Overall your grammar/spelling/etc seemed pretty good though, which is always a plus!
Something I was a bit confused by was Dennis saying that Colin wouldn't be seen in the same group as Ron, Luna and Neville. Why those three? I feel like it should either be the three main heroes (Harry, Ron, Hermione) or those who stayed behind at Hogwarts and faced Snape and the Carrows (Luna, Neville, Ginny etc). The mix of the two sets feels slightly odd.
Anyway, a really good read! I really liked what you did with the characters I gave you, and it definitely made for a very moving story.
~ redherringAuthor's Response: Ok. So i tried to respond to this about five times and pressed cancel instead of submit every time *facepalm* *herpderp*
So anyways, thank you so much for reviewing!
(it might be longer than the story its self xD)
I'm glad that the ways i brought them together seemed plausible. They're at different ends of the Hogwarts spectrum, so it took me a while to think of a circumstance in which they might meet. I was so happy with the characters that you gave me!
I love the interesting little side characters, we know almost nothing about them, so we're free to make anything up :D
I'm glad that Blaise came across as slightly snide (that was my voice speaking through him there. i mean, for most of us, death is permanent). I try very hard not to fall into house stereotypes, so I always try not to vilify slytherins.
I'm glad you liked the phoenix. I've read tons of stories with monuments, and the idea (obviously) springs from the original order of the phoenix. I thought it would be a statue that might very well exist in the potterverse.
Thanks for the corrections and constructive feedback! I will work on editing/correcting those bits.
Thank you again for the awesome challenge!
~Gill Report Review
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