Reading Reviews for While You Were Sleeping
  
36 Reviews Found

Review #1, by marauderfan News

28th August 2013:
This is a great chapter. I really like the way you've started out with Alastor's struggles in the present with the imperius curse.

Also, Alastor as a student - this was great. It was nice to see that he respected the very severe teacher, that's perfect for his personality. I was so nervous when Professor Trunot started walking up towards him - with all the reflections about his father in the previous paragraph, I kind of sensed it was coming. Poor Alastor :(

I think my favourite part of the chapter was this: Alastor didn't know why he gave so many away if he actually liked them like he seemed to. Who would give away candy?
His father had always taught him to mistrust strange or incomprehensable actions.

Only Alastor Moody would overthink something like Dumbledore's fondness for lemon drops, and find it strange and incomprehensible, haha!

This was a really well written chapter and I look forward to reading the rest of the story! :)

Author's Response: I'm glad that you like the addition of his struggles in the present. I really wanted to remind people as to why we're reliving Alastor's life- there is a greater picture here.

Yes, poor Alastor. However, I am glad that you liked how I portrayed him as a student. :)

Hehe- that was a fun line to write! Once I got into Alastor's mindset, it just seemed like the logical reaction... That's Alastor for you!

Thank you so much for leaving this review and I look forward to reading any future ones that you leave! :D


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Review #2, by marauderfan Defense

28th August 2013:
Eeep so I just saw the new story-of-the-month nominations and realised that I still hadn't finished reading this one yet! Sorry :/

This chapter was a great look into Alastor's childhood. He is someone who I never really think about what he was like as a child. He's sort of a timeless character if you know what I mean - like he always had the wooden leg and the missing eye ... which obviously makes no sense, but I just had never imagined him as a child before. (I'm making no sense, I realise - I blame it on the fact that it's late at night :P)

I liked the way you wrote his parents too, they explain a lot about him. Off to read the next chapter now!

Author's Response: It's definitely not a problem! After all, you certainly aren't obligated to leave a review!

I'm glad that you liked the look into Alastor's childhood. I definitely know what you mean- he's hard to picture as a child. But I managed to create some version of him as a child, and I hope that it's believable.

Thank you for leaving this lovely review!


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Review #3, by MrsJaydeMalfoy Realization

6th August 2013:
*Gasps*

I didn't realize this was a short story!! I thought it was just the first six chapters of a novel!! :O (I suppose that's what I get for not looking at the title page well enough!)

I thought the way you brought Moody back was really great. As I mentioned in an earlier review, I wondered if he would dream/remember up to the time he was asked to teach at Hogwarts, and if that would 'wake him up'. I was really pleased to see that it did!! :)

I felt sort of vindicated when he finally stood up and the water fell away from him. I was really excited to see what would happen. And I can totally understand him feeling angry with himself and others for allowing this to happen.

I was also really happy when Albus asked him to rejoin the Order. Even though I know what's going to happen after he rejoins the Order, I know that doing so really made Moody happy.

All in all, this was a great chapter, and a great story! Very well-written and interesting and original, and it kept my interest the whole time! Well done!!

Author's Response: Haha- yes, this was only meant to be a short story. :P

Yes, yes he did indeed dream/remember until the point in time that he was asked to teach at Hogwarts. At that point in time, he had recovered enough control (or the Imperius curse had weakened enough- and then disappeared) to regain command of his own mind.

I'm really glad that you were happy for Moody when he finally beat the water/waves! It was a long time coming, wasn't it? :D

Thank you so much for all of your compliments and your fantastic, fantastic reviews. I really do appreciate them!


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Review #4, by MrsJaydeMalfoy Battle

6th August 2013:
Dun dun DUN!!

This was a very action-packed chapter, and it's got me eager to read the next! I can't wait to see Rosier get what's coming to him!!

In this chapter, we got to see Moody much like we see him in the series, and you did an amazing job with keeping him in-character! And having read about what happened to him earlier in life, it helps me to understand him a lot more.

I was pleased to see that Moody finally realizes there's someone else inside his mind, and that he's going to fight them as much as he can. It's definitely like him to not give up!

Another awesome chapter, and I can't wait to see what happens next!

Author's Response: Ooooh- you've reached the "action-packed" chapter. Unfortunately, I didn't write the end of that battle. However, if I'm remembering my research correctly, Moody is one of the Aurors that arrests him (if that helps to satisfy any cravings for justice). :)

I'm so glad that you think that Moody was in-character here. As I mentioned before, I find writing action very difficult, so this was a problematic chapter for me to write. It's great to hear that it turned out alright. :)

He's Moody- of course he wouldn't just give up! And now he's going to fight for control of his mind. :D


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Review #5, by MrsJaydeMalfoy Training

5th August 2013:
Another well-written and intriguing chapter! I keep finding myself leaning closer and closer to the screen, wondering what's going to happen next!!

When I read the portion at the beginning of this chapter (the "present"), it struck me: Crouch has Moody under the Imperius Curse... Right? :P That certainly explains alot! And I can definitely tell that Moody is fighting it as best he can.

I'm really interested to see if Dumbledore's about to ask Moody to teach at Hogwarts. If so, I wonder if remembering/dreaming that will make Moody remember what happened to him.

Anyway, another awesome chapter and I can't wait to see what happens next!

Author's Response: Haha- I'm really glad that you're liking the story! It's really one of the first "action" stories I've written, and I'm finding it really difficult to write action (but maybe you haven't yet gotten to the "action-packed" chapters yet).

Yes! You got it! Moody is under the Imperius curse! :D

Well, if he does, then it's a little ahead of schedule! In my mind, Dumbledore only asks Moody to come and teach for Harry's fourth year, because it's necessary and because Moody's in retirement.

Thank you once again for leaving such a great review! I really appreciate it! :D


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Review #6, by MrsJaydeMalfoy News

5th August 2013:
Wow.

First off, I really love how you're starting off each chapter with Alastor's thoughts/current situation. It's a great reminder of what's going on in the "present". And it helps to put the reader into Alastor's mindset.

Clearly, Crouch Jr. must have put some sort of spell on him that whole time that would have kept Moody from being able to escape. And it makes sense that Crouch would have Confunded him or something similar, so for you to describe Alastor as not being able to get a hold of his thoughts, it's very believable. (Oh dear... I do hope this paragraph makes sense!!)

I kind of had an idea of what had happened when Professor Trunot started walking towards them, but when Dumbledore confirmed, my heart broke for poor Alastor... He had just been thinking about how much he had learned from his father; it's truly heartbreaking.

Another amazing chapter, and I'm off to read more!! :)

Author's Response: I'm glad that you liked the short snippets of the "present" time. With them, I was hoping to not only remind the reader of the larger plot/idea of the story but also show Alastor's struggle against the curse.

Your paragraph definitely does make sense! I was thinking more along the lines of the Imperius curse, but the Confunding spell would probably work just as well. :)

Yes, I can't imagine what it would be like to lose your father at such a young age... But alas, it happened to poor Alastor.

Thanks once again for another great review! I really appreciate them! :D


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Review #7, by MrsJaydeMalfoy Defense

5th August 2013:
Another amazing chapter, dear!

I'm really interested in what's got Alastor's thoughts so frazzled. Perhaps a spell to keep him disoriented? Or has his memory been entirely erased? It's very intriguing!!

And I really enjoyed this trip into his childhood! Getting this insight into his childhood and his family really helps me to 'get inside his head', if you know what I mean.

I'm slightly worried about that last sentence... with the way the "sky seemed more solid than usual", and I'm wondering if the next chapter will give an explanation. So I'm off to read it now!! :P

Great job!

Author's Response: And another great review! :D

Haha- yes, I do know what you mean. Imagining a character's childhood (or at least key events that shaped their character) is a great way to get inside their head!

Alastor's thoughts are frazzled/scattered because of the spell he is under... I was trying to imagine the long-term effects of being under the Imperius curse. After all, your mind has to be doing something, and for a man of such paranoia as Alastor, the spell can probably be adapted to occupy the victim's mind.


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Review #8, by MrsJaydeMalfoy Attack

5th August 2013:
Hey there, Roots! First off, let me congratulate you again for winning Featured Story!! And now, to the review - :)

OH wow!

This is a very interesting and intriguing first chapter! I have often wondered about how Crouch Jr. managed to defeat Moody! (I mean, it's MOODY for Merlin's sake! :P). So I'm definitely excited to see your take on it!

I feel like you've already given me a LOT of insight into Alastor's character, just in this first chapter. Everything he does, says, or thinks, is a result of his Auror training, and so very like him! And your description of Moody's house and his reasons for choosing it was spot on and VERY well thought out!

I'm very curious to see what it was that Crouch used to make the room go dark, and interested to see what happens next!

Great Chapter! 10/10!!

Author's Response: Sorry I took so long to respond to your reviews! I really do appreciate them, and the time that it took you to write them. :)

I'm really glad that you liked this chapter. First chapters are always very important because they have to hook the reader and I'm glad that it hooked you! :)

To tell you the truth, halfway through writing this chapter I was having doubts myself about how Moody would be defeated... It would have been easier if Moody had remained asleep, but that wouldn't have been nearly as interesting. :P

I'm really glad that you think I did a good job with his characterization. He is certainly a very different character to write, because he has a very distinct manner of acting (and thinking). He's so much more cautious and methodical than me... So I had to really get into his frame of mind and slow down the action.

I'll let you know what the black stuff was, since I don't talk about it again in future chapters- it was the Peruvian Blackness powder (exact name is escaping me right now) that Fred and George later sell in their store.

Thank you once again for such a fantastic review! I look forward to reading the next ones! :D


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Review #9, by marauderfan Attack

2nd August 2013:
Hello! First of all, congrats on Hufflepuff featured story!

This is such an original idea for a story. I've never read anything about Moody before from his POV. You've captured his personality so perfectly; each paragraph focuses on such small things, the thought process is written out with nothing left out at all, almost to the point of obsession and that is SO perfect for Mad-Eye. It seems like this chapter takes place over about five minutes but it seems like there's so much going on just because of the attention to detail. You can tell just how much is going on in Moody's head - trying to figure out how the intruder found his address, etc. I really enjoyed reading all those little phrases he was thinking - assume the worst, don't eliminate possibilities - it seemed very true to his character. This is a great opening chapter, I'm looking forward to reading the rest!

Author's Response: And thank you for leaving such a lovely review (sorry for the late response!).

I'm so glad that you enjoyed this story. I haven't read anything before where Moody was the main character either, so we have the same experience there. :)

Moody was a very interesting character to write. As I've said before, he's about 10x as cautious as I am, so I had to both slow down and speed up his thought processes and actions. He really does focus on such small details - it's how he's survived for so long - but it doesn't stop him from reacting very, very quickly.

I'm glad that you enjoyed this chapter and I hope that you enjoyed the rest too! :D


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Review #10, by HeyMrsPotter Realization

17th July 2013:
Superb final chapter to an amazing short story! It was great reading something in which Moody was the main character. As I said several times, your characterisation is excellent, from Moody to Dumbledore to a briefly featured Madam Pomfrey. I loved how he went straight for his wand and how well Dumbledore knew him. The fact that he was so determined to join the order once more was so typical of him and I thought the ending was perfect. A thoroughly enjoyable, excellently written one shot!

Author's Response: Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your reviews and compliments! I'm so glad that you enjoyed the story as much as you did!

I really try hard (as all writers do) to ensure that the characters were in character, so it's great to hear that everyone was. I definitely agree- of course Moody would go for his wand when he's in an unfamiliar place and doesn't know how he got there or why he's there. :)

And the Order just wouldn't be the Order without Moody, now would it?


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Review #11, by HeyMrsPotter Battle

17th July 2013:
Wow! Exciting chapter! I love how well your captured Voldemort in this, perfectly cold and evil. I thought the description in this was excellent too, particularly in the fight. I loved the fight too, the action packed-ness in this chapter was a nice turn in the story. Again, spelling and grammar were flawless. I'm really enjoying your story, your writing style is great and you've created a really dark mood throughout. Excellent work!

Author's Response: Voldemort is another one of those tricky characters. For all you think that he is more flat and singularly-motivated, to capture his moods and dialogue is difficult... But then again, that could just be me not wanting to use certain images and words. :P

I'm so happy that you liked the fight- I find action difficult to write, so I was nervous about this chapter.

And, as I said before, I'm so happy that you're enjoying the story. Thank you so much for the compliments and the reviews!


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Review #12, by HeyMrsPotter Training

17th July 2013:
I love this chapter (as with the previous ones!) Moody's teaching style is exactly how I would imagine it, and actually very close to Crouch's impersonation of him in GoF. I love his slightly bitter edge to his thoughts, he really is moody by name and nature isn't he? I like the details you're including of his life such as how he lost his leg and how adamant he was to return to auror training. I alos love how each chapter starts with him in the trunk, the incoherence and confusion is very effective.

Author's Response: :D Thank you once again for leaving such a warm review! I'm so glad that you're enjoying the story so far!

Haha- Moody is a bit of a no-nonsense sort of character and that would translate over into his teaching style, wouldn't it? :P

Yes, yes, he is. I wonder when he picked up that nickname... I didn't think to explore that in this story and now I'm really curious about this bit of his past...

I'm so glad that you liked those parts of the chapters as well. The story just wouldn't be the same without them, now would it? :)


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Review #13, by HeyMrsPotter News

17th July 2013:
Another great chapter Roots! I love the final line of this, very subtle humour :D I thought Dumbledore was really well written in this chapter, you have a great knack for writing the characters. Again, I'm finding myself feeling sorry for Moody. I liked that, true to character, he kept his constant vigilance after discovering news of his fathers death. I forgot to mention in other chapters-your spelling grammar and flow are also very good!

Author's Response: Haha- I do try, though written humour isn't my strong suit.

Thank you! I'm so glad that you think that Dumbledore turned out well- he's one of the hardest characters to write, wouldn't you agree?

Yes, Moody's had a bit of a rough life up until this point, hasn't he? And we both know that he doesn't go into the most upbeat of careers...

Thank you for leaving such wonderful reviews! :D


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Review #14, by HeyMrsPotter Defense

17th July 2013:
Hello :)

This was another great chapter. I'm really enjoying this so far! I really like that you've created a past for Moody, a real identity outside of being an auror. I like the parents you've written, and that there are aspects of his personality evident in both of them. I also found myself feeling sorry for him in this chapter too, something I never thought I'd say! I also thought you described the thoughts and feelings of someone under the imperious curse perfectly! Well done :)

Author's Response: Hello to you too! :)

I'm glad that you enjoyed this chapter as well! It was important for me to try and describe Moody's life, because it was everything that made him who he is now, not just being an Auror. By recreating his life, I was really getting an interesting look into the man he became. (I'm also glad that you liked the parents. I'm not as comfortable with OCs, so I'm glad that they turned out well).

I'm really glad that you liked the description of the effects of the Imperius, as that's the underlying reason for the whole story! :D


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Review #15, by HeyMrsPotter Attack

17th July 2013:
Hello! I figured since we had to review prefects why not do it for a prefect of my own house? (go badgers!)

This is the fist fic I've read about Moody and I think this chapter is an excellent start! I think you have Moody's personality and characterisation perfectly, this line-"It's always best to assume the worst, instead of the best" was just so typical Moody. I liked the little details you added such as him putting his eye in a dish of water. The last line of this chapter was so effective too, it lends itself to the nect chapter perfectly. Looking forward to reading more :)

Author's Response: Haha- great idea! (And yay Hufflepuff!)

I haven't read any stories centered around Moody either- most stories that contain him only have him as a minor character at most.

I'm really glad that you think I did a good job with his characterization. As with most characters, he's both easy and difficult to write. :P

I'm glad that you're looking forward to reading more! I'm looking forward to reading more of your reviews! :D


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Review #16, by Remus Defense

22nd January 2013:
Hey there Roots!

So first of all, I had a nice long review but somehow...my fingers closed the page tab where I was writing it and its gone...so I'll try to make this one long too but I make no promises. :(

Second, and most importantly, I'm here as thanks! With your review, you managed to bring HPo4 to 100 reviews. I only read the first chapter of his so I figured that the only logical thing to do was to continue on with this story. XD Anyway, on with the review! :D

The first part was amazing. The confusion, the muddled stated of mind...it reminds me of when you're just coming out from anesthesia. You're sorta there...but nothing makes any sense to you. Moody seems to be in that state of mind, poor guy. Is he cursed? is it a potion? Crouch seems to know what he's doing though.

and his mama had never mentioned that magic could make you repeat a day You know...I've never actually imagined Moody as a child. I mean...he's one of those characters that I just thought as parentless. Not in the orphan kind of parentless but in a 'sprung from a tree as an adult' kind of person. However, you managed to get rid of any 'adulthood' one would expect him to have because he's well...Alastor Moody. Here he's a child with child-like problems: making new friends in a new town...helping his mother around the house. You managed to open a whole new character for me!

We didn't get to meet his parents directly, however they sound great. His father's job sounds interesting. He's an auror of sorts, I think... His mother though, she sounds like a nice, silly woman who I would enjoy to meet. She does sound, however, rather bored but it makes sense. She can't really make friends because of her husband's job. Speaking of his mama...is she a bit of a squid or house charms not her forte?

'His father had always said that it was better to solve things with words than with violence but sometimes Alastor didn't agree.--This sentence made me chuckle but this is the Moody we know but it makes sense. He always struck me as a guy who would stun you first before asking questions.

The last part is what got to me. I had managed to forgot that Moody was trapped in a trunk some where. Because of your flow and narrative I got caught up in Moody's childhood life so when I got to the end, you made me stop for a few second before it made any sense to me.

The only thing I notice were a couple of spacing issues where two paragraph are together. Other than that...this chapter was great! I'm adding this to my favorite so I can come back and read it! :D

Until next time, Roots! :D

--Rosie

Author's Response: Hello!

I've had that happen to me too- it definitely sucks, especially if you were just about to finish... And this review is certainly lovely!

I'm really glad that you liked the first part of the chapter. You described exactly the state of mind I was trying to get across, which is wonderful! Moody is currently under a certain spell cast by Crouch that prevents him from controlling himself... Can you guess which one? :)

Haha- I definitely understand what you mean. There are some people who seem to have been birthed old (and doesn't that sound strange?). I'm very glad that his "childishness" didn't seem awkward or overly out-of-place for him. It was interesting writing him as a child.

Unfortunately, you'll never get to meet them directly, just in comments and thoughts. And you're correct- his father is an Auror of sorts. More of a spy for them, an intelligence agent, if you will.

Haha- house charms are most certainly NOT her forte. :P

It's always interesting when you're writing a character as a child to try and integrate pieces of their future self into their thoughts and actions... Alastor certainly isn't the type to just sit back and think as an adult, so I didn't think that he would be as a child.

Thanks for your fantastic review and for returning to read the story! I really enjoyed your comments.


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Review #17, by LovlyRita Attack

31st December 2012:
I am so sorry, I meant to review this ages ago, I READ it ages ago, but then with the site going down and everything, I didn't get a chance to review it so I'm going to now!

I loved this opening chapter that you have here! The first thing that I really loved was how cautious and careful he is, which is canon and true to his character, every word of it. The descriptions of the different charms and protective spells he uses to keep himself safe.

I really liked the description of his prosthetic leg and the reasons he had to remove it at night. That makes total medical sense, which is something that I like to see in stories. But I can also see why he wouldn't want to take it off at night. You can never be too careful :P

When the intruder trips the alarms, and he was at first just like meh because the muggles trip it all the time..that made me laugh a little bit. And I just thought it was brilliant the way he was running through scenarios in his head, the way he was was ready to take the offensive. You can tell that there are years of auror experience there, that even an intruder in his own home does little to truly ruffle his feathers. He is cool and confident that he has the one up on this person, and I thought that was just fabulous. Well done!

The fact that only a few people knew who he lived was a really interesting detail to include. I think it's way better than having a secret keeper, and it also alerts him that it had to be someone who had access to the ministry, which narrows down the pool of people that it could possibly be.

Again, in medical authenticity, the pain that he feels above his prosthetic leg, the problems that he is having. It must be so frustrating for him to be getting older, because he's always been at the front lines of trouble for the order, how obnoxious that pain must have been.

I love the tension that builds continuously through this as well, you're not sure what's going to happen, if he will apprehend the intruder or what, all the way up until the very end, with a cliffhanger of sorts. I really really enjoyed this chapter and I'm sorry it took so long for me to tell you!!

Ash

Author's Response: Haha- it's definitely not a problem! I'm just glad that you've left this lovely review!

I'm so glad that you liked the opening chapter for this story. It's really the beginning of the whole story (yes, that does sound rather silly but it's true!) and if it wasn't believable, then the whole story wouldn't work.

I'm glad that you think that Moody's canon. He certainly is a difficult characer to write, so it's a relief to know that you think he's in character. :) And I haven't had any medical training beyond the basic first aid so it's good to know that the medical aspect made sense.

Haha- he lives in a muggle neighbourhood because it's safer... But then the silly muggles get in his way. *sigh* Poor Moody. :P I'm glad that it seemed like he had years of Auror experience- I really strived to ensure that his work career was apparent.

Thanks once again for reading and reviewing! I'm glad that you enjoyed this chapter!


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Review #18, by CambAngst Realization

19th December 2012:
Oh, no! I didn't realize that we'd come to the end of Alastor's surreal journey. It's been a very enjoyable trip, I have to say.

This was the first chapter since he was placed under the Imperius Curse that didn't have a "lead in" section where he was struggling against the effects of the curse, and it threw me for a little while. I couldn't figure out whether he'd been set free of the curse or not. The way that he wakes up -- disoriented, confused, tired and grumpy -- lent itself to continuing the mystery. It wasn't until I realized that he was at home and reliving the arrival of Dumbledore's owl that it became clear that he was still under Crouch's control.

The other thing I thought was strange about the first section was that we didn't see any "glitch in the Matrix". For me, the whole transition between the moment where "Imperiused Moody" decides to accept Dumbledore's offer and the end of the story felt sort of abrupt. I think it would be better if there was some event, some flaw in Imperiused Moody's fake reality, that suddenly makes him realize that things still aren't right and that leads him to fight his way back to the ocean. Maybe I'm just projecting the fact that I've seen too many sci-fi movies and TV shows onto your story, but to me it would be more satisfying to see Alastor have some grand epiphany that finally leads to him throwing off Crouch's control.

The ocean scene seemed like a reference to him being trapped inside the false bottom of his trunk. It was an interesting effect, but again I felt like there should have been some sort of transition from there to the moment where he wakes up in the Hospital Wing. Maybe some sort of "moving toward the light at the end of the tunnel" type event.

Alastor's conversation with Dumbledore was my favorite part of the chapter. The only thing I wish is that you had actually gone into more detail and really showed Alastor giving Dumbledore a hard time about being so careless. Of all seven books, I thought Barty Crouch's "master plan" in GoF was the biggest plot stretch. He spent an entire school year inside the castle with Harry, teaching his lessons several times a week, mentoring him, sneaking him advice. Why on earth didn't he just grab Harry at some point and drag him out of the castle, then apparate him right back to Little Hangleton? Why the elaborate, extremely failure-prone scheme with the tournament and the trophy? It was sort of idiotic, if you think about it. I would have loved to see Moody lay into Dumbledore for being such a fool and not paying more attention to Harry's well-being.

It's been a fun ride and I've really enjoyed following this story from start to finish. I'm looking forward to seeing what you do next!

Author's Response: Oh my gosh- I'm so sorry I've taken so long to respond to this very helpful review! To start, thank you so much for all of your commIents in this review!

When I wrote this story, I wrote it in sections and it wasn't until the end that I realized that I had several short sections that wouldn't work as entire chapters. I didn't quite realize that I had broken the pattern I had had with the previous chapters, and I'll certainly have to go back and edit it so that it works better within the plan of the story.

I like your idea about having there be an "epiphany" moment. However, I'd pictured Moody's end under the Imperius coming from Crouch having been discovered and his spells stopped. But, thinking along that vein, it certainly would be interesting to see the spell actually end in the "mind frame"...

Wait- the ocean scene that you're referring to was the transition scene between his being under Crouch's control to his mind returning to its former order. I definitely should make that clearer.

Haha- I'll definitely go back and add in some more scolding on Moody's part. He'll definitely enjoy that. Sheesh, Albus- how on earth could you have not seen what was right in front of your face? :)

Thanks once again for reviewing this story and leaving so many helpful comments! I'll definitely use them when editing this story (which I will be doing very soon!).


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Review #19, by Jchrissy Realization

19th December 2012:
Roots. I'm feeling very shorted right now. I didn't even realize this was the last chapter and now! Gah! It's over!

I really enjoyed that you went through and let us hear Albus explaining it all, but I also kind of feel like you rushed it a bit. You usually do so much detail, every move your characters make that pertain to them, and I love it. So I was surprised when you didn't have them going to Dumbledore's office to discuss this, or show him setting up something around them so they wouldn't be overheard... But I can't tell if I'm feeling this way because this chapter really was missing these things or because I just want this to continue. You make it clear that Albus filled him in on the details when you make the comment about Albus going into greater details that Alastor would be pleased with, but I really wanted to actually hear those and Alastor's reaction to them. I wanted to hear him ask what happened to Crouch Jr, and ask how soon until he'd be able to speak to Harry about what he saw so they could get a better handle on Voldemort's current state... and like I said I don't know if it's actually something missing in this chapter or if I'm greedy. Haha.

Regarldess of that, I still loved the way you tied everything off. You used such a creative way to show us points of Alastor's life, to show us what had been done to him during that year, how Crouch had kept his mind active, reliving itself basically to keep the Auror at relative ease and unable to think... that was all so amazing. You created such a creative story, not only have I never read a Moody centered one, but I doubt anyone has done anything along the lines of this.

You managed to show him so well as a child and show the way he slowly but surely got to the level of 'constant vigilance' that we were introduced to. You kept him the same character all the way through but all the while making him seem realistic for the current age of the chapter.

I'm so happy I found this story, it was such an awesome read and I loved every minute of it. If you ever think about expanding this chapter, let me know and I'll be the first back here to read it ;).

Author's Response: I'm so, so, so, so sorry that it's taken me this long to respond to your review! I'd just like to first off thank you for the wonderful comments you've left me- they're very helpful in the editing process!

I can definitely understand what you're saying about the interaction between Albus and Moody. At the time, I believe I neglected to include a full rendition of the year because everyone knows Harry's side... But I suppose that we don't know Albus' side, which would be, of course, slightly different.

I'm very happy that you liked the manner in which I told this story. It was a very interesting one to write because it allowed me to focus on several key events in Moody's life while at the same time exploring an often unexplained moment in Harry's own history.

I'm so happy that you liked the way I characterized Moody as (as you definitely know), he's a difficult character to get right. He has such a unique personality.

I will let you know once I've edited the story. :) Thanks for taking the time to read and review!


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Review #20, by Jchrissy Battle

16th December 2012:
LILY JAMES AHH HEART MELT. I don't even care that it was just a mention, she still lectured serious and they were still there and AHH. My little heart is going to LJ feels explode.

I love that Mad Eye is realizing someones in there, his mind that is. It was a bit heart breaking that he was fighting so hard to get above the waves, doing everything he could to try and get the intruder out, but it was just too much. But ever scene he's getting more aware and stronger, and I'm very curious to see where he is by the almost end of it.

The watch detail! It was almost a bit chilling to imagine Moody forgetting something like that, and such a strong sign for the part of him that's in the present that it's not right, that something's off.

I still really love the amount of details you take care to add. Little things like Hogwarts being the fall back location just give this such a realistic feeling.

And the detail about Everyone hiding secrets and those being deadly to someone also struck me as absolutely perfect. It's so true. Lily and James and Sirius and Peter kept their switch of secret keeper a secret. Dumbledore kept so many secrets from Harry that could have killed him. Peter kept the fact that he wasn't strong enough to take it all a secret. Gah. It's so sad and you put these tiny lines in there that flow in so perfectly, but at the same time have so much emotional boom behind them.

The way we look at this through Moody's eyes still continues to really feel right to me. It's precise, he sees things in a factual way, he doesn't feel things unless he's allowing himself to, and he notices what needs to be noticed first keeping his mind on what actually matters.

And I love the progression in the time line as well as the details you've tied in, and now I'm wondering if the spy for the Order is who I think it might be. Ahhh.

I'm so impressed that you continue to make it clear what spells he's using, what he's doing for his protection, how he things about it... I can't imagine it would be easy to say in such an intense and specific style... but it's so worth it because the effect makes for such an original and intriguing read.

Awesome chapter, as always ♥

Author's Response: Haha- I'm glad that you enjoyed that mention. I don't think that I could have written a Marauder-era, Order-centric chapter without a mention of them. ;)

I'm glad that you like the progression that's been made with the battle fought inside Moody's mind.

The watch detail- for me, it's one of the most obvious factors that reveal the problems with Moody('s mind). It was almost painful to write it because the action was something so totally NOT HIM (since I can't use italics in a response).

I'm also very happy that you liked the level of description that I'm including. I don't know if I was specifically thinking about the secrets that the Marauders kept when I wrote that sentence (Moody's an absorbing character), but now that you've mentioned it, it fits perfectly.

I'm glad that you think that my writing style continues to suit Moody's personality. And the spy probably is who you're thinking it is. :P

Thank you so much for your lovely and absolutely fantastic comments! I love reading them and I really appreciate them. THANK YOU.


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Review #21, by Jchrissy Training

13th December 2012:
So, obviously he's a bit curious about these waves, or not even curious.. but he momentarily tries to figure out what they're doing, what he should be doing, but this was the first time he's actually not trusted what his head is telling him. YAY! Although, considering we know he's found still in the depths of the trunk, I wonder if he'll ever fully figure out what's happening or if it isn't until he's found that he's able to fight over the control. Poor mad eye :(.

Oh god. My head canon is getting the best of me. I was about to remind you that Rosier is the one who cursed off his leg in case you wanted to add in a name, but then realized that was just in my head :P But - I LOVE that you're mixing his memories, what he currently believes to be part of, with the fact that he actually isn't. His leg not feeling right makes perfect sense, considering in his head he was much younger during his last memory. I love that you added that because it keeps us aware that everything happening in his head isn't just old memories for us to see, but they're what Moody's being 'distracted' with and he's slowly starting to find flaws in them.

So, I don't think this is incorrect, but it still felt odd. The part where Alastor is told he's expected in the second trainee room, I think training room would feel smoother only because when I saw trainee I automatically thought person, so I was thinking second trainee, then room kind of jumbled me up. I'm also only on my first cup of coffee..

I LOVE your explanation of the Aurors and their different departments. This entire section feels very military-ish so far. Which makes a lot of sense to me, and I think does an awesome job at making it clear to us that it's not just running around capturing dark wizards. AND I've been wondering exactly what his dad did because his job didn't seem like a normal Auror, so more of a spy auror makes sense! Though, if you ever feel like editing this, you could stick with the military feeling you've created (by using things like unit, active duty, mandatory paper work if injured on the job until cleared by a physician, having to pass a Physical Test after being injured..) and use different terms. You could stick with Field Aurors, then intelligence Aurors (instead of research) then Special Operations Aurors (as spy). Obviously a very random suggestion, but everything about this section is so perfect and uniform (in a very good way!) that I thought I'd throw the suggestion out there to stick with the mood you've already created :). So you'd basically have the active duty unit as the Field Aurors (since active duty in the military is designed mainly for actual fighting.. well active duty army, I don't know much about the other branches), the Intelligence Aurors would be parallel to Military Intelligence (they work with only research relating to the military, and they work with the CIA I believe) then Special Operations Aurors would be like the Army's special forces, the navy's Navy Seals.. that same idea. They work in very, very small units and are very secretive to the point where spouses don't even know what they're doing. Only their superiors know where they are, so they're the closest to a spy you can get without going into CIA. Okay. Sorry to write you an essay, but like I said.. everything else just felt so tight and perfectly in place, that I couldn't help but add an alternative to research and spy. I'm done with that now :P

Wait! Wait! I want to know how to know if we're over planned!! You did such an awesome job sucking me into the sections question. I was so into his random choosing of students, and how they would react (high five to blondy for having a good answer!) that I felt myself frown a bit when it was over, haha. I'm such a baby.

Ahhh what does Albus need his help for?! I'm *very* excited to find out. Absolutely spectacular job with that letter, by the way. I can't believe how well you captured his voice.

Okay, here's where I'm at with Alastor. I think you've done such a perfect job with keeping his sense of 'constant vigilance' alive, and you haven't overdone his gruffness. I think he fits in perfectly with his time frame, and the lecture hour was really awesome. It gave us a chance to see why he would even accept a position teaching at Hogwarts. He's good at it! It may not be his very favorite thing, but he's really, really good at it!!

I also continue to love the amount of detail you have. The things you describe are things that matter, things that Alastor would notice, and you don't break us out of character by telling us about things that Moody *wouldn't* notice. That might be one of my favorite things about your writing style.

This was a really, really awesome chapter m'dear! ♥

Author's Response: Woah- large, amazing review here. Thank you so much! :D

I would answer your pondering in the first paragraph but seeing as how you've already finished the story... Well, you know how it ends (as well as the things I need to improve upon). :P

I'm so glad that you like what I'm doing with the flaws in the memory process. This story was a way to explore Moody's life but the memories had to serve a purpose in the larger context of the story as well... (Silly plot, right? Why can't I just write scenes with no purpose?)

And I've wanted to correct/suggest things for people and then realized that it's all happened in my head... It's strange how little of what you know about the HP universe is actually grounded in the books, isn't it?

That's a good point! I didn't even think to use "training room", even though it would make a lot of sense... Silly me. And thanks for all of the military terms! I'll definitely edit them in when I edit the chapter!

Haha- Dan said the same thing about the "over-planning" stop. I suppose I'll edit in a response to that question, since both of you wanted to know what it was. :P

I'm so, so, so glad that you like how I've written Alastor up until this point! I'm super happy that you think I've written him such that he fits in with each time period of his life.

Thank you so much for the absolutely fantastic review!


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Review #22, by Jchrissy News

10th December 2012:
Yay back for another Moody fic! You have such a talent for taking these characters who aren't often enough given their own story, and writing them with such an exact hand.

I loved the way that Moody already analyzes things. He sees them, takes them in, decides what to do or how he feels.. like with his own awkwardness in his body. He understand its there, is uncomfortable about it, and immediately wants to change it. No, 'I'll just wait it out' for him. It's small details like that which really make this story something different.

I also really liked the sense of respect he has for the professor. A lot of young students wouldn't respect a harsher teacher, and the fact that he does, once again, really speaks volumes for his character.

And the apprehension he had when she walked closer to him.. it wasn't a great deal, but it was just enough so when she did say his name, he wanted to deny it. Loved that. like, you think it might be you, but you don't really expect it to me.

Poor Alastor :( Not only have you opened up a very painful death, but you've given other ideas about his mother. Why had she fled so quickly? I do hope that's something we'll find the answer out to, because you've got my little wheels turnings.

Dumbledore seemed very Dumbledore, but there was also something that felt a tiny bit off. Maybe just that he seemed to get to the point so quickly? But it's not really his place to do his usual, circle around questions, style So that wasn't even really off...maybe it's my brain that's off this morning :P he still felt like Dumbledore though, and that alone is a huge accomplishment. The man is a beast to write.

I think your level of detail in this chapter was so exquisite. The way you moved in the beginning through Moody's very out of it, but still just cognizant enough to *know* he's out of it, ahh. I'm in love with that entire italicized section. The confusion, but the understanding we as readers have with what's really happening, where he is and why he so desperately wants to succumb.. it was perfect.

Your writing is, as always, an amazing pleasure to read.


Author's Response: Hello! I'm so sorry that it's taken me this long to respond to your lovely review! I've been busy with work and I've finally gotten more than a few minutes to spare.

Why thank you! I'm so flattered that you think I'm good at writing minor characters! Thank you!

It was interesting to write this scene because it meant that I had to decide the level Alastor was at as a teenager- whether he was already displaying many of the tendencies he had as a late adult or which ones of them he did have, however undevelopped they might be. I'm glad that you liked the way I portrayed his analyzing abilities. I decided that they were one of the qualities he would have to have even from a young adult.

For me, I think that Moody wouldn't respect a lax teacher. He's the kind of person that appreciates discipline and order and wants it in the world around him.

Since I don't think that I ever answered the question about his mother (since the next memory took place so far into his future that fitting it in wouldn have been awkward and difficult to do) I'll answer it here. From what I remember (since I wrote this story largely over the summer), his mother fled because she was worried for her safety. After all, her husband had a very dangerous job and if he was murdered it was very likely that his murderers would kill her too, just in case she had been told anything.

I'll go back and look at Dumbledore- you're certainly right in that he's a very difficult character to write.

Thank you so much for reviewing and for leaving such lovely comments! I loved reading your review!


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Review #23, by CambAngst Battle

8th December 2012:
Hi, there! Back for another Holiday Review Swap review.

I love the progression you've created in the opening scenes of each chapter. Alastor is actively fighting back against the waves now, struggling to regain a foothold from which to mount a defense. He seems to come close at the beginning of this chapter, although he's not quite strong enough yet. But the tide seems to be turning.

Again, a small glitch in the Matrix. It takes him a moment to recall the purposes of the noise his watch is making, something that Alastor Moody would never do if properly fixed in time. The little details make this story so much more enjoyable.

I also love the obvious progression in Moody's paranoia over the years. Now he's taking random floos to get home, warding his house, worrying about the particulars of what he can and cannot remember... much more extreme. One thing that I felt a bit curious about was his mention of James and Sirius. If he once taught them as Auror trainees, does that mean that they dropped out of the program? I thought you did a really good job with his thoughts on the younger Order members and their tendency to over-react to the highs and lows of fighting a long, drawn-out war. "Look forward" sounds almost as much in character as "constant vigilance".

"The Great Hall still looked the same as it had when he went to school and he suspected that it would look the same many years down the road unless some great tragedy occurred there." - Nice bit of irony!

You added even more brilliant Moody mindset to the meeting in the Great Hall. His thoughts on Sirius's unforgotten feud with Snape and especially his musings on Dumbledore's secret information source were very well done. At this point, I have to assume that Snape is in fact Dumbledore's source. Time-wise, that would place these events very near to James and Lily's murder. I'm suddenly on the edge of my seat. Will we get to see this event through Alastor's eyes?

One thing that just sort of jumped out at me is the description of the area around the store in Diagon Alley. Since the alley is located in London, it would seem that space is at a premium. It's hard to imagine an open field in the middle of London. It makes a great scene for a battle, but I'm not sure whether it's realistic.

"And Lily, along with James, had not been allowed to participate in the battle, so there was no one there to restrain him." - Ah! This lends a lot of credence to the idea that Snape has already switched sides.

A small typo, I think: "As one of the most experienced fighters there Alastor took it upon himself to fight on of the most dangerous Death Eaters: Evan Rosier." - one of the most dangerous... And another: "Evan as he dodged Rosierís spells" - Even as he dodged...

The battle scene, itself, seemed to be very focused on the fight between Moody and Rosier. This makes sense, I suppose, given Moody's single-minded focus on staying alive. The couple of mentions you make of the fighting going on around Moody could have been a bit more detailed, at least for my taste. It would have helped to enhance your descriptions of the inherent chaos of a battle if you could have given us a better sense of who was dueling who and the curses flying everywhere.

Once Voldemort arrived, that's when I would have really loved to see the descriptions of the battle blossom. There are few scenes in the magical world more fascinating and profound than a confrontation between the greatest champions of light and dark. I wish you had dived headfirst into a vivid description of their duel. As it was, Voldemort's appearance in the scene felt a bit gratuitous, as though he simply showed up to trade a few spells with Dumbledore and deliver a menacing warning that, frankly, was a little redundant. Everyone in the Order must have been pretty well aware of Voldemort's desire to kill them.

The chapter rounds out pretty nicely. You've set the stage for the scene discussed in Dumbledore's memories in Goblet of Fire, where Moody loses part of his face as he defeats and ultimately kills Rosier.

Your writing was probably a little rougher around the edges than usual in this chapter, but still quite good. I had the sense that you struggled a bit with a couple of scenes. Overall, though, I'm still really enjoying this and looking forward to finding out what happens when Moody finally manages to stand up to the waves! Happy Holidays!

Author's Response: Hello! I feel awful that it's taken me so long to respond to this review. I was utterly unprepared for the flood the Holiday Review Swap unleashed.

I'm glad that you continue to like the opening sequences. They're my way of smoothing the time jumps between chapters and reminding the reader of fight in his mind because of the Imperius Curse.

I'm glad that you liked Moody's paranoia in this chapter. It was certainly interesting to try and think like a paranoid Auror- you can never be quite sure that you've captured all of the possible ways in which you could be harmed.

Oh- I didn't mean that they dropped out of the program. I was more meaning that he had been a guest lecturer on several occasions during their training. I'll be sure to try and clarify that when I edit the story.

I'm glad that you noticed the deliberate reference to the second Wizarding War! It's one of the many fun things about writing a piece in the past- you can reference future events that everyone will understand.

Yes, in my muddled mind Snape has already started to switch sides. At times I worry that he only switched sides after Lily's death but this time frame worked better for me and so I chose it (hopefully someone isn't too particular about the timing of Snape's defection).

The alley was another iffy point in my mind. I tried to explain it so that it would make sense but I can see that it didn't make it realistic enough. I'll have to change the location of the battle so that it makes more sense. And thanks for pointing out those typos!

Thank you for those pointers about writing action sequences, which definitely aren't my forte. I'll definitely be using them as I edit my story.

I'm glad that you're still enjoying the story and thanks for reviewing!


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Review #24, by TheHeirOfSlytherin Attack

7th December 2012:
I've never read a story from Moody's prospective before, very different for me and I liked that. I think you got into Moody's head very well, I especially looved the bits in brackets that felt like they were reminders of Auror training and maybe things he'd learn from experience, too. It all seemed to fit with his personality, I kept expecting him to say "constant vigilance" any moment. :P

Very exciting chapter, I really enjoyed reading this. I'll have to come back for more. :D

Sam.

Author's Response: Hello!

Funnily enough, I've never read a story from Moody's perspective either- I wrote this story without any "research" of that kind. However, I did my best to get inside his head and I'm glad that you think it worked out well.

Writing this piece was a fun challenge because, as you said, I had to work with his unusual personality. The "Auror tidbits" were one of my favourite ways of doing so. :)

Thank you for reviewing and I'm very glad that you enjoyed this chapter!


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Review #25, by Jchrissy Defense

7th December 2012:
Okay, I love this. I was NOT excepted you to give us a glimpse into Alastor's childhood, but I could hug you for it! Not many people would attempt writing this man as a child, and not only did you do that but you managed to de-age him believable. He's not this amazing tough child who, you know, has a wood leg. He's a boy who wasn't ever given the chance to develop any *real* friendships, but was still taught right and wrong, good and bad. You've painted the perfect picture of the man he will one day be.

I can absolutely believe that the child you have in this section can grow up to be the Auror that puts others before himself, hunts down people like a machine, but then doesn't kill whenever it's avoidable. I am just really, really impressed with you right now.

The part about feeling like he relived it before, I'm wondering if Crouch is forcing memories to play? Or if it's happening by itself? Or if you are just giving us glimpses into his past? Very curious, you sneaky author, you.

I'm also wondering exactly what an auror of the sorts is? Like... instead of just working for Britain, maybe he works for all the wizarding prime minsters/presidents and and.. I don't know. I'm inventing stuff in my head. Sorry, but you just create these very curious characters and I want to dissect them! That was a complement, btw ;).

This was another very, very captivating chapter. I am so excited to see where you take us from here!

Oh and the beginning! So creepy. The go back to sleep part specifically. It gave me spine chills.

Author's Response: Hello! Let me just say that this review put a huge smile on my face! Thank you!

Haha- I guess the jump into childhood was unprecedented... But when I was originally planning the story it was one of the scenes that stayed throughout. How could I tell the story of his life (or parts of it) without looking at his childhood? It's just not possible.

I'm so pleased that you think I deaged him believably. As I was writing this, I didn't even think of giving him a wooden leg or make him extremely paranoid... He couldn't be the exact same as his adult self or else he wouldn't be a child. And I'm so glad that I picked a realistic way to portray him as a child. *hugs*

If you don't mind, I'll attempt to answer your question(s). It's a mixture of your last two suggestions; as the summary suggests, I thought that his mind wouldn't be idle during his eight-month long slumber because that just isn't the type of man he is. It's chosen to replay some of his memories for reason that you will learn in the last chapter... :D

Ah- by Auror of sorts I meant that he was more of a spy than an Auror. He was the one who went into dangerous situations that were just beginning and collected information on them (like an undercover spy).

Thank you so much for this amazing review. I'm so, so, so, so (enough so's? :D) happy that you enjoyed this chapter.


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