wow. I am so sucked into this book. I am literally on the edge of my seat. (well not literally but...) you are truly an amazing writer. I absolutely adore the plot!!! can't wait for the next chapter!! Report Review
wow. One chapter and i'm already glued to the plot. Amazing!!! 6/5 stars!!! Report Review
First of all; Sirius's room. I want it! Curse you for creating it - now I won't stop dreaming about it. I love that Sirius is protective of his bike. I love how she drives him crazy - it's so fun. They clash a lot, I think, and that's bound to give us some hilarious moments. You write the Marauders so wonderfully well, too.
And how you ended the chapter! Are you going to do that a lot? ;/
I love this story and I can't wait for the next update, so hurry up! ;d
Man, I really suck at reviewing. ;/Author's Response: I wanted it too when I first thought of it! I was like, gah, perfect, perfect, perfect. And then I cried because I knew I couldn't have it :'( *sniffle* Hehe :P
Yeah they definitely clash a lot ;) but I guess there's some chemistry in there too!!
& I honestly LOVE cliffhangers so maybe there will be a lot :P
However way you think you are at reviewing, I think you are amazing and love you for reviewing at all! :D Thank you!! Report Review
Hiya! Just reviewing to say that this story is wonderful! I love it! Please keep posting :) And I loved the bit where Sirius was very protective of his motorbike ^_^Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to leave this nice review :D People like are you the reason for my motivation! & I've always thought Sirius loved his bike more than a lot of things, hence his protective nature about it :P
Again, thanks for dropping by!! Report Review
Update it fast, dearie! The plot is getting interesting!Author's Response: Never you fear! The next chapter will be posted very soon! :D thank you for commenting! :D Report Review
what do you mean youre done writing this story?Author's Response: I have finished writing it on file, I just have to upload it onto here! :D But I might change it around a bit and edit it! :D :D thanks for reading! Report Review
This chapter was good! It could have done with a teeny bit more action, but I just can't WAIT for the next one! UNDER ATTACK :) The excitement :D EP! I love the introduction of Lily! Very funny! I can't wait to see how this pans out! You know where I am if you ever want any more reviews!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I don't think action is my forte to be honest, I find it so hard to write!! Especially when you're reading J.K.Rowling's action scenes and comparing it to your own :P
Thanks for the review! Report Review
Hey there! Siriusly89 here, reviewing as per requested :) I really found this story interesting! The base for a good plot is all there, and the characters seem interesting! I especially am interested to find out how Sirius and James get on at a ballet academy! That was a very good, and original idea!Author's Response: Hello!!
Hehe, James and Sirius at a ballet academy. I loved the idea so much so I'm really glad you thought it was good and original! :D
Thanks for stopping by! Report Review
Haha, I didn't like the way Maia was treating James at the beginning of this chapter. Unlike Sirius, he was actually trying help and was being really pleasant to her. When they took her to Godric's Hollow I was preparing myself for Maia to be just as rude to Lily, but they seemed to get on wonderfully. I really liked Lily, too. She was very welcoming and nice. It was also interesting the way Sirius reacted when he thought that Maia was genuinely under threat from the figures across the street. He stepped up and did his job. It was good to see a little bit more of why Maia acts that way, and I liked Sirius' little speech at the end about how Maia is important. This attack is intriguing! Please update soon. I want to know what happens!Author's Response: It pained me to write Maia treating James that way, to be honest! I was like, "NO, BE NICE TO JAMES" but I couldn't :( Haha! I really love Lily as a character in general. In my mind she's just very, very nice and genuine and I couldn't stray from that portrayal of her.
And yes, Sirius :P He hates the girl but he's willing to do whatever it takes to help with the Order because that really is where his allegiance lies!
There's a lot more to Maia and why she's acting the way she there'll be a lot more of these little displays of her inner troubles :)
Again, THANKS FOR REVIEWING! I woke up to these and i was just awwing all morning :P i'll be working on your reviews too, by the way! Report Review
Wow, Maia sure is a piece of work, isn't she?
I really liked this first chapter. It's written very eloquently and I love the way you've characterized everyone. I loved Moody! And James interests me. This is obviously after he has snagged Lily, so that explains why he's so much calmer than Sirius. He seems to have grown up a bit since Hogwarts. I'm also looking forward to reading more about Maia and maybe figuring out why she's the way that she is.
Now on to chapter 2!Author's Response: She really is :P
Moody was really fun for me to write because he's just so snappish but there's this underlying humour to him (in my opinion) & that's always fun :P Yeah, James definitely has matured quite a lot since his days at Hogwarts, and Lily had a great deal to do with that!
Thanks for reviewing!! :D Report Review
Hi! I'm here for the review swap. =)
I really like the fact that your story has action right from the start and it sets nice tone to the story. The plot has the interesting premise, so points for originality. I'm really looking forward to seeing how muggles and marauders work together in such a delicate situation and how you play them against each other to bring out the differences.
Your writing is smooth and flows nicely. Grammar was good and I didn't notice any typos. There was quite a lot of adverbs though. It's easy to use them, but writing often becomes stronger if you find other ways of describing things. Just food for thought. =)
What I would be careful is that your writing seems to be quite dramatic (I often battle with the same issue) and it can easily go bit overboard.
Your marauders have nice canon like feel to them, but I'd love to see you dig deeper inside the characters. We got plenty of pouting and fighting in this chapter, but I didn't get past the surface and see why characters were feeling what they were feeling. Like is there some kind of back story for Maia that explains her need to fight for independence?
I'm definitely going to read more of this story to see where it goes. =)Author's Response: Hello there :D
I'm really glad you think it's original! I was wondering whether this sort of story had already been done so it makes me happy to see that you've thought of it as interesting :)
I really do have a problem with describing! I always go overboard with describing things and in the end I realise it's a mess and just disrupts the story! So thanks for bringing that to attention :)
There is a lot more to Maia than this first chapter gives, and since I've finished writing this story, I'm pretty sure it's a significant enough background to justify her being the way she is :)
Thanks for the review! :D Report Review
Awww, who would've thought Maia to be that concerned with other people's feelings? Your characterization of the Marauders continues to be awesomely fantastic and I'm on my way of falling in love with your story. I'm glad you've finished writing it, because that means we'll get frequent updates and there will be no danger of this being abandoned.
I don't have anything to say about grammatical errors or anything because my grammar is far from perfect. The story flows well, and I enjoy reading your dialogue a lot, since it's so witty.
I can't wait for the next update. Cliff hangers are cruel thing, woman!! (You're a woman, right? o.O)Author's Response: Haha! Hi again!!
I know! Maia has her quirky, little ways :P I finished writing it so quickly because I was so excited about it! But that said, I will need some advice from people because rushed stories generally need a lot more improvement :P
Thank you SO much for leaving another review! & Yes, I am a woman :P Report Review
So, this was certainly an interesting idea and there doesn't seem to be any kind of romantic link right off, so I'm all for that. So far it looks quite good! :)Author's Response: Hey again!
I've drawn the romantic aspect of it as far out as I could but there are light little, very subtle flirtations that happen throughout it :D
Thanks for the review! Report Review
I can't wait up see where this story goes! I haven't been this excited about a plot in a long time!
Great writing by the way :)Author's Response: Hello! :D
I was VERY excited about the plot too I pretty much finished writing it in a week! :P meaning I'll be updating soon! :D
Thanks for leaving a review! I really appreciate it :) Report Review
I love this first chapter! I think it is funny and flowed well. I think the characterization was spot on.
I think you have nailed James' character prefectly. He is smart and fun-loving and a bit more level-headed than his good buddy Sirius.
Sirius was great too. I think the way he handled the situation was prefect too. I could see him getting a little carried away with himself and getting in a fight with a muggle girl. I laughed out loud when she attacked him.
I think Maia is an interesting character but she needs a close encounter to realize that they are there for her benefit and not just for "looks". :)
This is definantly an interesting story and I hope you continue. I think you did a great job finishing this chapter so that it leaves the reader wanting more.
Megthechef43 aka MegAuthor's Response: Hey Meg!
I love writing the Marauders and as a result, I think I have a set personality for each of them. Something I'm trying to change though :s I feel like I'm being too narrow minded when it comes to them :P
I'm glad you like Maia and she goes through quite a lot to realise that they are actually there to protect her.
Thanks for taking the time to review! :D Report Review
I like the story line so far and I like the portrayal of the characters. Maia, who coincidentally has the same name that I do, is a very intriguing character who I warmed to quickly. There are no noticeable spelling or grammar mistakes. I'm impressed and will be looking forward to you publishing the next chapter.Author's Response: I'm glad you like Maia; I'm not doing your name any shame :P I really love that name by the way, so you're very lucky to have it!
Thanks for leaving a review! :D Report Review
Hey it's Ali with your review!
So far, I think this story has a lot of potential! I definitely liked how you started out the chapter with James and Sirius just sitting in a bar complaining. It was blunt, but effective. Speaking of James and Sirius, the way that you introduced their friendship and described it through dialogue and interaction wiht Remus was very well done. I think you captured the Marauder-esque personalities but with a slightly more mature tone than we saw in OotP.
About their location, why the Hog's Head? I understand that it's partially because Aberforth owns it and so it would make a good Order-members hang out, but I feel as if they would more likely be at the Leaky Cauldron or a Muggle bar. This is simply because Hogsmeade is extremely far away from everything (demonstrated by the day-long train ride to get to Hogwarts from London) and it's a litte public for Moody to just be waltzing in and giving out Order/ Auror missions. I'd love to hear your take on it :)
I believe it was at the beginning, but there was one line in which you mentioned Dumbledore's "greying beard" and it was something I really liked. It's perfectly plausible that Dumbledore hadn't gone completely white yet and I liked the minor deviation from what everyone else writes. It wasn't this huge deal, but I just thought I'd let you know.
When Sirius and James entered the Prime Minister's hose (which, by the way, was it 10 Downing Street?) it seemed as if there was a lack of security. If the Prime Minister and his family needed to be protected by Aurors, then why wasn't there anyone checking their wands or at least some Muggles with metal detectors? The butler also didn't ask their names, which I found odd (although, come to think of it, he might have been Confunded). It just didn't mesh with the idea that James and Sirius were there to protect someone if there wasn't any security. Right?
The story is definitely intriguing because I find myself wanting to know how you're going to make it acceptable to the reader (and the characters) that Sirius and Maia become a couple (which, as this is a Sirius/OC story, I'm assuming is going to happen, but correct me if I'm wrong). However, don't get too wrapped up in romantic drama and forget to embrace the potential action scenes that come with the Order of the Phoenix and Aurors during the first wizarding war. I think the potential of that makes this chapter better, though, too.
In way of characterization, Maia feels a bit extreme. I liked the part of her that says she's a spoiled and snotty girl because that's always interesting to read (and fun to write). I also like that there was the underlying feeling in Maia that she really just doesn't like being treated as a child and that's partly why she's so terrible and against protection (which I've inferred from the line where she asks Sirius why everyone always treats her like a child). However, when she jumped on Sirius I just sort of took a step back. Jumping and then sitting on a perfect stranger just because you're angry doesn't really seem like the natural thing to do. The fact that she's spoiled and rude doesn't really add up to "will jump on you if you piss me off." You know what I mean?
You did very well with Sirius's character, though. He had just the right amount of cheekiness, rashness, boldness, and (like James said) recklessness (by the way, I liked how you mentioned the mini-prologue that JKR wrote about the police cars and James and Sirius). Then I also got the sense that he is very loyal and that the memory of his family and anyone like them still causes him to be upset and feel hatred. And these are all things that make up the Sirius we know in the HP books, just a bit less mature and a lot younger. I also liked that you balanced out his emotions with James being mature and calming him down.
Nice job so far! It's been a pleasure review; feel free to re-request when you update.
classicblack from the forumsAuthor's Response: Hello there!
It's so fun writing the Marauders! I think there's just so much depth to them and there are just so many layers to write about! Especially in this war time era so I'm glad you liked that part :)
Well, I made the Hog's Head the headquarters of the Order, like Grimmauld was in OotP basically because in my mind it was big enough, convenient enough (with drinks for the meetings) and it's central to the wizarding world, in my opinion. They can apparate there so I didn't think distance was a problem.
I didn't think about the Prime Minister's house that much, to be honest. I'm not from England so I didn't know there was an actual address that they lived at :$ I thought they just lived wherever they wanted to. I think I should change that up though, so I can try incorporating 10 Downing Street into it :) The reason why there wasn't as much protection was because Dumbledore was there, and with Dumbledore there nothing ever goes wrong (in my opinion :P)
About the characters, Maia has a background (which will be explained further along in the story) that, I guess, justifies why she is the way she is. I thought that her lashing out just shows that she's extremely unbalanced at that moment.
I'm really glad you like the way I've portrayed Sirius and James! I really had to stop and think a lot about they would say, how they would act because I've written a lot of Marauders in Hogwarts stories and it's very different to how they would be during the War (in my opinion). But it was still very fun :D
Thank you SO much for taking the time to leave such a long review. I had fun reading it :P Report Review
Itís good to see the marauders done well! I love them. Yes, theyíre not too jokey right now but it shows that they do have serious sides, a truth not many seem to realise. The whole scene works well because it just fits! Iíd entirely expect this to happen. Itís well written too- the scenery is described perfectly so I might aswell be at the table too.
I like how you didnít make Sirius as suave as most do. How he relies only on his looks is a new concept and I quite like it. It makes him awkward and cute.
The whole idea you do need to be careful with- it can be clichť. I donít think it is yet, I think itís early days and does look promising. Yet, you have to think of movies like Bodyguard. Maia is pretty funny too, very stubborn and determined, I like! The whole piece is really good and full of promise. I like how the friends are, how itís written and everything. Keep it going!Author's Response: Yeah, it's set when they're about 20 so the wars almost climaxing and it's hard for them to joke around as much as they used to. In saying that, there will be fragments of their humour flying around here and there :)
I'm also so used to Sirius having the "sex god" persona that I thought that there should be much more to the lost Black boy. He should be mysterious and reserved.
Yeah, I'm aware that this has a great potential of being a cliche. It might appear even more so at the end of the next chapter, but I can assure you (and all the other readers) that it is not! Expect the unexpected ;)
Hehe, thank you SO much for reviewing! I really appreciate you taking the time to write one! Report Review
Bratty girls! They are always a lot of fun to write! You started off well, and I like your writing style. I like the dynamic between Sirius and James, even though we don't see that much of it, and I live how you've portrayed Remus as well. I hope you continue the story and don't abandon it like some people like to do.
This is all! I'll be returning for the second chapter. :))Author's Response: I know! I've noticed that when I've been writing my OCs! Their words just come rolling out when I'm writing them!
You'll be seeing a lot more of Sirius and James in the next chapter so don't worry about that :D
& you know what, I'm writing the last chapter of this story right now. So it won't be abandoned :D
I'd like to say THANK YOU for leaving a review. I've been checking all day to see if this story's been reviewed on yet (i'm quite excited about this one; finishing it in a week must be saying something!), so I was quite thrilled to find that somebody's commented on it!
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