This was very powerful. I liked how you didn't include any certain character into the story leaving it up to the reader to decide who this could possibly be about. Personally I feel like if you had incorporated who this was about into the story it would take away from what the story is really about.
Very good job. 10/10 =]Author's Response: Thanks! :D
Yeah, I wanted that element of mystery so people could make their own decisions about who the person was rather than me telling them.
Thanks for the review! :D Report Review
Wow, such a short yet powerful one-shot! With those few words you really showed how much the scars affected the person narrating the story. And then the ending...it left me with so many questions! But I guess that was the point of the interpretations challenge. You did a really good job with the goal! And I don't really have much more to say! A short review for a short story, I guess. :P
~RosieAuthor's Response: Wow, thank you so much! You're so kind! ♥
The ending was meant to be ambiguous, a few people keep asking who it was but I don't even know! :p
Thanks for another review! :D I'm glad you liked it! :D Report Review
Wow! What a powerful piece of writing. I think you're definitely all over this challenge. I could take a guess at which character this is - but I like the mystery, I like that you chose to not give them any kind of identity.
The formatting of this piece was actually so effective. It really enhanced the disjointed, disorienting feel it had going on. So well done with that! I loved the descriptions. Short, simple and blunt and because of that so powerful.
I think you've done a really great job with this story!Author's Response: Hello there! Wow thank you so much, your compliments are so lovely! ♥
I didn't really want to give the character an identity, it just makes me feel like I'm constricted. :p
I was so nervous it was too disjointed but people seem to say it reflects/enhanced the story perfectly! *wipes forehead in relief*.
Thank you so much for this review, I'm glad that you liked it! :D Report Review
This is a crazy piece and i'm really happy i read it. It packs a lot of punch and horror in a very short amount of time. I like how immediately we're pulled into this person's emotions and their brokenness. It's really hard hitting. I liked how you described how these scars were part of them, like without them, the person was nothing. Which is true in a sense that the scars, both figurative and literal are what would define this person after the war. This is so true because when you've gone through something, it's easy to hang onto those pieces as if they are the most important things to you, even if it's those very things that kill you in the end.
I also liked this piece because it makes you think and feel with the character. I think you handled the trauma well and instead of going into gruesome details of her scars you were able to get the aching horror of it in more subtle ways. I think that is more realistic anyway than going into hordes of detail.
Great piece! I have this strange feeling like this is Lavender after the war. I've always imagined her life to be full of turmoil because of what happened. But i liked how you didn't say who it was but left it up to the reader to decide.Author's Response: Hi there!
I'm glad that you're happy you read it!
Your compliments are just so nice oh my gosh, thank you so much! I don't know how to respond to them, they're all just so nice! ♥
I'm so glad that the 'less-is-more' technique worked with this, I've never gone through anything like this (although I researched it a lot and I know of people who went through similar situations) so to hear that I pulled it off is so heart-warming!
You're actually the third person who's said it was Lavender! I didn't even think of her when I was writing it, I just pictured a faceless person - but I must have been subconsciously thinking about her! :p
Anyway, thank you so much for this review and I'm glad to hear that you liked it! :D ♥ Report Review
First off, the banner is beautiful!
This was really, really haunting. And disturbing. But definitely do not take that as a bad thing! This story really gave me the creeps, and I love it!
I really, really want to know who this was. I suppose i could find my own character to place since you never really said who it was--which left me quite put out at the end. I really want to know who you had in mind? I would also love to know what inspired you to write something so haunting.
This was beautiful!
EverAuthor's Response: I know, that banner is just gorgeous. When the artist made it, I actually fell off my bed in shock! It was made in less than an hour!
I'm glad that my story gave you the creeps, muahahahahahah! ahahaha I joke, I joke! :p
The character is all up to you! I love those mystery type stories, and I really didn't want to pin-point my own thoughts onto someone. I guess, I'd prefer the readers decisions. :)
I actually had a male OC in mind, but so many people have said Lavender! One person said Bill if that helps you! :)
The song 'Exit Wounds' is what really inspired me... And I was having a bad-ish day and I wanted to try angst - would you believe that this was the first time I have ever written angst? Because it's true! I dunno, I just wanted to get away from all the fluff that I usually write. :p
Anyway, thank you for leaving me this lovely review - stalkers are always welcome! ;) Report Review
This is so sad :( the idea that this person lived through a war, a battle, only to fall to their own horrors is truly heart breaking. I LOVE doing 500 word challenges for this reason, they can be so powerful! You give someone their life back, only to watch it slip away again because the pain and memories were just too much.
I really think this shows such a different side of the battle. For some people it was hard to move on after the war, then it got better. For others, moving on was impossible and trying to forget killed them.
I think you really have a strong amount of details and descriptions in this. I absolutely felt like I was there.
Wonderful, heartbreaking one shot!Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! Is it a bit weird that your sadness makes me happy?
I'm sorry, that sounded so mean!
I think the war did affect heaps of people differently, that's why I wanted to write about it. :)
Thank you so much for leaving me this lovely review! :D Report Review
Very good story here. Simple but powerful. It seemed to me the story of a war survivor, but you left it ambiguous enough that this could have been anyone, suffering from anything. You've stripped away everything else and left humanity, bare and broken, and that makes this piece so much more poignant. The final two lines were beautiful, particularly "I walked to the edge of the world." Insightful and evocative.Author's Response: Everyone seems to say a war survivor, I honestly never thought it of that way, but when I re-read it, it does seem that way! :p
I wanted it really ambiguous, so people could make their own decisions about who the character was and apparently I succeeded! :p
I'm so glad you liked this piece and thank you so much for reviewing! Report Review
ARGH! Where's the rainbows and butterflies, and pots of golden happiness I'm so used to reading from you?!? Argh! *mutters to myself*
Jay-kay, jay-kay! I honestly loved this, so ignore my little melodramatic, irrelevent intro of the review. This was greatness.
Honestly, I can feel myself relate to this piece here. Being a survivor of depression and being locked up in a mental house because I was suicidal, I can relate to who ever is supposed to be narrating this. I guess we all have our own demons to face and our own hell raging in our lives, and you did a really good job capturing the bitterness of it all. Of giving up.
Usually I get frustrated with peices like this, because they're vague and leave out too much to figure out (at least, with my mental capacity it gets frustrating). But I can excuse this, because I see a lot of myself here. It's weird. It's like rediscovering myself all over again.
I guess I'm getting to personal, eh?
And I hope you're not getting sick and tired of me dropping reviews. Because I love reading your stuff, and I love reviewing them, because they're worth being reviewed, if that makes sense.
So I guess I'll be off and stalk more of your stuff now! Great one-shot by the way :)Author's Response: I'm sorry! I felt like I needed to write an angst thingy, because I wanted to experiment! :p
Everyone seems to really like this, even though it's kinda depressing and sad. *shrugs* ah well, I'm glad people like it! :D
You must be so strong being able to survive depression! I honestly don't know what it's like but I understand that it's really difficult and you must be so brave! ♥
I didn't want to make it too descriptive but I'm glad that it was a good vague, not a bad vague. (If that makes sense).
Don't worry about getting too personal, we're all here to be friends! ♥
I would never be sick of your lovely reviews! I love all your reviews, they're so sweet and they make me so happy when I see that I have unanswered reviews. :D
Have fun stalking, my friend! :D Report Review
I don't understand who is this about.Author's Response: That was the point of this story. You make your own ending about who it was, what happened to them, etc. ;)
A few people suggested Lavender, someone else said Bill, if that helps you!
But as the author, I don't even know who it's about! :p
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
This is very good, highly evocative and real with its harsh, pained tone. You bring the reader right into the narrator's mind, allowing the reader to fill in the gaps as they please, searching for clues to understand this fractured person. I like what you've achieved with this story, particularly at the moment when the narrator refuses to let them steal his/her scars - they have become part of his/her identity, and to lose them would be to lose all they have left. Losing the scars would also, on a more superficial level, remove all outward signs that the narrator had experienced the war - the scars on the skin reflected the scars on the narrator's mind. Without those outer scars, the inner scars would lose meaning - people would not be able to recognize them for what they are.
In 500 words, you've presented a complex, fascinating study of trauma and the lasting suffering it causes. The short sentences have more punch to them and give the story a bit of a clinical feeling, too - the narrator is so fractured that they've dissociated from... well... everything. I don't think that the narrator ever sees clearly in this story - all they see are those scars, until they become the narrator's world, and consume it whole.
There were a couple of things that upset the flow of the story. The main one was the sudden inclusion of "you" and the reference to the one who left - it jerked me out of the story. Is the narrator accusing the "you"? How is the story being told? The "you" part came and went so fast that I wasn't sure whether it was actually necessary - it's handy to keep the story gender-neutral, but it also throws things off.
The other potential issue was the line "I was a stronger person now", where the verb tense becomes problematic - it's something I've had trouble with in my own stories, so I notice it too easily. You may want to reword that sentence.
Otherwise, fantastic work on this story! I've been admiring its banner, and I'm glad to have had the chance to read the story behind it. :DAuthor's Response: Thanks so much!
I wanted the narrator to be all fractured because people with mental illnesses have a fragmented mind and they don't speak very eloquently. :p
Hmm... I wasn't too happy with the 'you' bit either but as it was based on the song by the Script, I felt like it should have been in there - but I might go and change it to make it better! :)
I understand what you mean by the line "I was a stronger person now", so I'll go back and change that. :)
Thank you so much for reviewing and giving me this crit, I was really worried about it! :)
The banner is gorgeous isn't it? I'll sometimes go to my page and just stare at it's beauty! :p
Thank you so much for your help! :) Report Review
I loved how sparse and raw the style was in this, it really makes the pain and struggle of the narrator so much more intense...
Lavender was the first one who popped in my mind, but I guess it really could be about anyone who took part in the battle and it doesn't really matter anyway.
One-shots never fail to amaze me. Sometimes condensing a story in such few words really makes it shine!Author's Response: Ooh, you're the second person who's said Lavender! I like getting everyone's thoughts on who the narrator was! :D
I'm really glad you liked it and thanks for reviewing! :D Report Review
Sorry for the delay but here I am with your requested review!
I thought the simplicity of this fic definitely helped with the overall tone. It wasn't saturated with vivid descriptions of horrific wounds, but I understood that whoever the narrator was (I myself imagined Bill after he was attacked) maimed and had terrible scars as a result.
The flow and the grammar were fine. I do think that while you did a great job keeping it simple and clean and, more to the point, effective, I would've loved if you took it a little darker. Pushed it one step further and really delved into the horror of it all rather than detailing the healers. Of course, that's just a personal preference and even that's not the right word for it as it's mainly a suggestion.
Otherwise, this was a really great read! :)Author's Response: What delay? It took you like three hours, that's no delay! :p
Ooh, Bill! Heaps of people have different ideas, I love hearing them! :p
I'm glad that the simplicity thing worked, I didn't want to go into too much detail but I was scared that it wasn't enough!
I'm glad about the flow and grammar, I was really worried about that. Hmm, I'll look into changing it and see if it works. :)
Thank you so much for taking the time to review this! I really appreciate it. :) Report Review
This was simple but very effective. I liked how you never disclosed who the narrator is, yet I still got a really vivid feel for them in my mind. The first person narrative really helped with this - I got to see right inside their head and feel everything as they did. I half imagined this as Lavender speaking, but it could have been anyone who fought in the war. The narrator comes pretty much full circle, starting as a whole person, breaking down then building themselves back up again. A very touching piece :)
MarinaAuthor's Response: I'm just going to let you know that I fan-girled over this! :p
I was kinda going for the simple yet effective angle, so I'm glad I succeeded. :)
Hmm... Lavender, I never really thought of her but this fic was for people to make their own choice about the narrator. :D
I'm really glad you thought it was touching, it was really hard for me to write, I'm glad I affected people. :D
Thank you so much for reviewing! :D Report Review
So much pain in so few words.
You did a great job with this... I only wish I knew WHO the narrator was!! Lol
Keep up the good work ;)
~Moon~Author's Response: Thank you so much! :D
I'm so glad to hear I did a good job, it was my first time writing this type of stuff! :D
That was the point, even I don't know who the narrator is and I wrote it! ahahahaha!
Thank you so much for reviewing :D Report Review
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