Oh wow, now I think I need to go hug my pillow or something! That last part really, really got me. Anyway, I better start from the beginning.
Your interpretation of the proverb was fantastic, because, as you well outlined, love and hate were stark themes in Lily and Severus's relationship. The strain between love and hate was something you portrayed well, going from the easy friendship at the beginning, to when Lily was becoming closer to James.
Your writing style and structure was fluent, I liked the word definition thing you were doing :) One thing I will say though, is that maybe this would have worked better if you stretched it out, because it seemed at points to be having too much happening in too little time. Apart from that, however, I really enjoyed this, especially the last part, which really brought the whole thing together- the way you emphasised the inevitability of it all was great. Thanks for entering, by the way! :)
- Aguamenti123 Report Review
What a beautifully written story. I appreciate this greatly. I honestly have no words that I can say to show my love for it. Bravo. Report Review
Wow... That was brilliant.
As I said I would, I played the song in the background, and I can clearly tell that the song fits the story (or more correctly that the story fits the song :P).
I rarely read stories about Snape's feelings over the events that happened between him and Lily, but this certainly seemd to expand upon the feelings that come across in the final chapters of Deathly Hallows, and was very well done.
As the first entrant, you've set the bar very high indeed, nicely done.
-RH Report Review
Beautiful! Please keep writing. Report Review
Hello my dear! I really wanted to stop by and review something of yours since I haven't in ages (could that possibly be years?). Anyway, I saw this little beauty in the new story thread over at the forums and just had to have a peek!
I know you said that you wanted to hear reactions to this new stylistic device you've got going on - I love it. It's innovative and postmodern. It's a great way to get theme(s) across in such a short piece without loading readers down with purple prose and other nonsense. If someone reviews this and says those words and definitions are bad, ignore them. Seriously, unless JKR herself reviews this and says it's bad, keep it. Perhaps utilize it again in a different story. I say this because it's lovely - it gives gravity and meaning to your story - it's also a way for you to experiment with your writing.
I do have one small critique. Under the section titled 'pride,' I'd really have liked to have seen more scene description and emotional description. It's the pivotal point in the story. I felt that as I reached the middle and the end of that section, you were robbing me of your beautiful prose and descriptions. I wanted more. I wanted you to /really/ bring it to life - to make me feel as Severus felt.
Now, don't get me wrong, the rest of the story is fantastic. The descriptions are to die for, the characterization of Severus (Lily, too) is mind-blowingly perfect. "Maybe letters will fall from the sky" - I just melted like a bar of chocolate in the Georgia heat with that bit of writing. Good. Gracious. Alive. Absolutely and completely beautiful.
Overall, I thought this was wonderful, darling! :)
Shelby Report Review
Hello darling! So, I usually stay away from any kind of Snape and Lily, but as this seemed to be just about Snape coping with his feelings for Lily, I was happy to try it :)!
I think you captured the man Snape is very well, between his ever circling darkness, to his own self regret, to the loathing he felt after calling Lily the word.. it all really seemed real. I also love the idea of him already being a bit angry at her from the Black Lake incident, because even though he felt a bit better, I'm sure he wasn't completely over.
One thing, you've made Alice an Abbott. And that just makes me think of Hannah, who Neville marries. And that makes me think Alice had a brother who, married a girl, and had a daughter named Hannah Abbott, making Neville and Hannah cousins. Haha, obviously this could be completely wrong and it could just be the same last name, but it did just feel odd that Neville would marry a girl with the same surname name as his mother's.
Back to Snape!! You really do a great job of not making him this wonderfully in love boy and Lily the mean girl that never noticed. You show some of his really ugly qualities, the way he seemed to upset Lily so often, his distaste for her friends and the fact that he barely cares about what her relationship with her sister is like. But despite that you still show how deep his unconditional love went, and I think you did an amazing job at really getting those feelings through.
I also loved the set up of this!! Using the words like that really was a great idea!!
This was a powerful and interesting story, even for someone who isn't a huge Snape fan! Great job!!!
Jami Report Review
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