19 Reviews Found

Review #1, by my_voice_rising The Weasley Burden

30th December 2012:
I I really like reading your very unique characterizations of the Next Gen characters. Particularly Albus--I love that you made him very much like Snape, even down to describing the kind of reaction that Ginny gives when she hears such a thing. It makes sense for the youngest child of two superstars in the Wizarding World to have some serious issues. I also feel like your characterization of Rose makes sense; she's smart and cyncial like Hermione, and opinionated like Ron (and cynical like Ron? haha).

One minor thing that caught my attention: when Carmen is going to search for the "thing," you give us a bit of conflicting information. First you say that she couldn't hear or see anything, and then in the next sentence you go on to say that her eyes remained on the blotch of darkness, and describe visually the stone walls that flew by and the balcony that drew nearer. It's a really minute aspect of this story but it's a little conflicting.

My first thought about the "thing" was that it was Peeves or something. I can't tell if it's going to turn out that there really is nothing left for this "bored generation," and that all the major evils have been vanquished, or if there's still something hiding somewhere. The ending was very intriguing.

Another nice chapter, to a very unique story indeed!

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Review #2, by Jchrissy Mutated Unicorns

12th December 2012:
Hi darling! I thought I'd come by for a bit of next gen ♥

It's obvious you're being mindful to stay away from cliche's. Giving Rose a best friend that isn't a cousin, and so far not actually mentioning her family members at all, as well as giving her a different kind of dramatic personality as opposed to the 'fiery' one, definitely created something new!

Carmen confused me a bit. I'm still trying to figure out how a person can both be optimistic while still be such a believer in doomsday, always thinking the worst case scenario. Obviously optimists are people that always look for the good in the situation, so Carmen seeing destruction at every turn did get me a bit confused. I supposed she's being optimistic about seeing destruction at every turn? The only reason I address that is because it looks like she'll be our main character, so I want t make sure I have strong hold on her.

I also loved how much we learned about Rose and Carmen's friendship! It was nice to see how they worked together, but I do hope that you show a bit of it two instead of just explaining :). But I understand you wanting to get us a clear set up to go on so we aren't left wondering what about Carmen and Rose draw them together. Especially since it ends in such a cliffie, it's nice to not have too many things to figure out at one.

This was a very interesting first chapter! Your word choice is a bit off sometimes, though. What struck me the most is Carmen taking a melancholy bite from her toast. It's hard to picture someone taking a sad or pensive bite of their toast. I mean she could have a melancholy thought while biting her toast, but using that to describe her bite just sort of made me imagine her looking at the toast saying, 'to bite or not to bite, that is the question,' ;)

I like the level of detail you've included so far! It's enough to paint us a picture, but not too much that we're swimming through it.

All in all this was a really amusing first chapter!

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Review #3, by The Misfit Mutated Unicorns

9th December 2012:
Hello there! It's apondinabluebox on the forums repaying you for your review! :)

I loved your unique portrayal of Rose! Although I do wonder what Hermione and Ron think of her bright blue hair, haha! Carmen seems to be a very fun and morbidly positive character. Yes, I know that's an oxymoron, but I just love the way that Carmen is so freakishly obsessed with doom and yet she's so upbeat and hyperactive! At first I did think she was slightly like Luna, but after consideration I felt that Luna is more of a character who drifts off into her own world and is intrigued by odd things simply because they're interesting, while Carmen is more of a doom-obsessed character who's been overdosed with far too much sugar! XD

A couple of points I'd like to point out: you spelt Rose's surname Weasly, not Weasley. ;) Also, you describe her voice as smokey. This had me puzzled, as I've never heard of a smokey voice. I would recommend using a different adjective to describe her voice.

Futhermore, I had issues with the overload of information you have while describing Carmen and Rose. This was a substantial amount of information to process, and I would recommend breaking it up and separating it to insert in other parts of this chapter.

Overall though, I quite like this story and I'm looking forward to seeing how it progresses! :D

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Review #4, by academica Mutated Unicorns

5th December 2012:
Hi :) Here for the Holiday Review Swap!

Oh, dear, what a start! I like how you dove right into the action; that bit at the end was really neat, especially when coupled with Rose's reaction.

Speaking of Rose, I like your characterization. It's nice to see something other than a wild red-haired diva. She's original and fresh and interesting. I also like Carmen and the way you drew contrasts between them. If I could improve that section in any way, it would be to weave in those points with the action (instead of stopping to tell them to us) so it sounds less like "telling" and more like "showing."

I really liked your imagery during the tremor, too, especially the bits about the dancing shards of glass and the statue that lost its nose. Very nice.

Great start :)

Amanda

Author's Response: Hey :)

Thank you for the kind words! I'm very glad you liked the descriptions, since I found them strangely difficult to write for some reason! Glad you like Rose, I actually don't read very much New Gen, so when I thought of her, I didn't have a lot to go on but my own imagination. Since then, I have looked at a few Roses and yes, mine is a blue sheep in that wild ginger pack! But I hope she still makes sense, I will try to have a scene with her and Hermione and Ron later on to establish her as a legitimate daughter of thsoe two character.

As to the introduction of Rose and Carmen, yes it's odd, I'm working on trying to fix it but nothing so far seems to work :P

Cheers and thank you!


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Review #5, by classicblack Mutated Unicorns

5th December 2012:
Hello, here from the Holiday Review Swap!

I definitely laughed during this chapter. It was very amusing so far and I think you've got an excellent hand on the humor. I also liked that you didn't make Rose a Gryffindor like most people do, nor did you make her a goody-two-shoes like Hermione. However, she did display some Hermione-like features with her anti-feminism and specie-ism statement :)

Carment sounds very similar to Luna Lovegood so make sure to watch out for that by making the two different. Luna was a very unique person and it can be a bit cliche to replicate her totally.

Overall, nicely done!
Happy writing,
classicblack

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for reviewing!

I'm glad you laughed :) I've never writen humour before, so that is quite good to hear!

As to Carmen, yes she is Luna-ish, but I hope that in later chapter it becomes clear that she is more energetic and naive, and has an obsession with all things doom-related instead of just weird wizard-esoteric things.

Cheers!


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Review #6, by Voldy Needs a Hug Mutated Unicorns

5th December 2012:
I want to apologise for the tardiness of my review - I've had a bit of a backup on my review thread. Anyway, here it is:

First of all, I really liked the cliff hanger at the end of the chapter. The statue's nose breaking off was certainly a creative way to end the chapter, and it is certainly compelling me to continue reading. You managed to capture and hold my attention throughout the entire chapter.

I also enjoyed your original approach to your OC's. I loved Carmen with her various flaws and interesting views. I also found your unique approach on Rose to be quite entertaining. I was accustomed to reading about the stereotypical, fiery red-head, so this was a pleasant surprise.

Lastly, your plot was excellent - your events were orderly and logical. Your flow was perfect. Each event transitioned flawlessly from one to the next. Additionally, I didn't find any spelling or grammar mistakes.

Wonderful job!

Author's Response: Hi there!

Thank you for the positive feedback! It is great to hear that the chaper works! I edited it to bits, since I just had a really hard time finding the right tone. Glad I could hold your attention and entertain :D:D

cheers!


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Review #7, by my_voice_rising Mutated Unicorns

4th December 2012:
Hello there! You left me such lovely reviews on my story that I really wanted to return the favor. I like the sounds of this story--it's a very interesting point you have. We tend to think that the Wizarding world has changed for good, but what are all the kids supposed to do, now that there are no three-headed dogs or basilisks or horcruxes?

Carmen is hilarious. I like that the students were going the long way to the Great Hall specifically to avoid her. Also, I love that Rose has blue hair--everyone has just given her red hair, but really we don't know anything about how any of the Next-Gen characters look post-First Year. Also, you spelled her last name Weasly when its Weasley. :)

The way you describe Carmen's character at first made me wonder if she's Luna's daughter or something, even though we only know of two sons. Then I read the bit about her being Muggle-born.

Very good start! I think you've encapsulated entirely the kind of mood you're going for, and I particularly think that Rose's character is very well-rounded. I've read many stories where authors describe her as being disliked, though it's usually because she's neurotic, so I really like the spin you've put on that.

Nice work :)

Author's Response: Hey :)

Thanks for stopping by :D It means a lot!

I actually find it quite annoying how New Gen characters never seem to have any problems. And then I realized that that is quite a problem on its own! XD The HP books are from a time of great ideologies, but now, in the postmodern age (whatever that means) we need a new type of magical heros. I hope I'll manage to pull this off, let's see!

I'm glad you like Carmen! Yes, she is a bit like Luna, but I realized this only after I wrote her and had reviewers point it out. In my mind, she is a bit more unbalanced and desperate, and does not have Luna's hippy innocence. Also, I doubt Carmen would care much for Crumple-Horned-Snorkacks unless they were planning to take over the world ^^

Glad you liked Rose as well, I made her a bit of a goth because I imagined what would happen if you take Hermione's intelligence, combine it with Ron's laid-back attitude and add a lot of boredom...and I got her :D

Thanks so much for the review, again, it makes me so happy! Cheers!


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Review #8, by Ron 4 Hermione The Weasley Burden

3rd December 2012:
Hey there! :)
I've read the first two chapters and if I get a chance I'll R & R the third one, just didn't want to leave you without a review!
This has an interesting start and I like the way you developed your characters, not just through decriptions but by intereacting with each other. It makes them seem more real and relatable. I like the cliffhanger as well, it draws you into the story right from chapter one.

Poor Bot, I do pity him. It can't be easy teaching when he is new and he seems nervous too. Well he did untill he suddenly went all cold, I'm interested into weather there is a reason for that? I like the mystery of the story, the thing? It's creepy and it draws you in, making you want to read on which is always a good thing!
Nice start though, it's an intereging idea! :)

Author's Response: Hey! Oh wow thank you! I didn't expect you to R&R more than one chapter, this is quite a treat :)

Overjoyed that the characters come accross as real and relatable, that is high praise for a writer to get! And since this is a very character-driven fic, I am doubly happy to receive a positive review on them :D

Yeah, Bot... *sigh* Well, he will bounce back. His mood swings are partially the result of a slightly unbalanced personality, but also something else ;)

This is the first time I am writing an outright mysery, so I was very unsure about how to do it. Very happy to hear that the suspese works so far ^^

Thank you for the review, I am very curious to see what your opinions will be on the developments in the 3rd chapter!


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Review #9, by Calypso  Mutated Unicorns

3rd December 2012:
Hey there- CalypsoJenna here from your review swap on the forums!

So first off this is a great premise for a story- it's a really fun and original idea that all the problems have been solved by the Hogwarts generation and the next one are desperately trying to liven things up is fantastic! :P

Carmen is a great character! I thought you introduced her really well with the pamphlets and her announcements and everything- it did make me laugh. Her and Rose seemed to make a great pair too, and I love your description of Rose- much more wacky than the usual one, and your reason why they like each other so much fits perfectly.
I would say that I think your description of Rose and Carmen could be a little more subtle here... maybe work it into the narrative somehow?

Your write with real flow. The chapter moves so smoothly from one event to another, never sounding forced. Carmen and Rose seem to talk so naturally- just how real friends tend to talk to one another!

And you gotta love a cliffhanger! I loved the description of the statue's nose coming off, it injected just the right amount of humour into a serious situation. Very intrigued as to what the noise was- I hope it makes Carmen's life a bit more exciting for her!

So yeah, great chapter! I really love the idea, the characters, and the humour of this fic! It's so original, and lots of fun! :)

-Bethany

Author's Response: Hey there!

Glad you like the premise, it's what inspired me to come up with the rest of the story. I don't know about others, but I would hate to have perfect hero Harry Potter or Hermione Granger as a parent, it would drive me *nuts*!

You make a good point about the description. It is not embedded at all and I've been wondering what to do with it for ages now.Problem is, I like it. Other problem is, I don't like info-dumps so I shouldn't be writing them myself. I usually try to incorporate a reviewer's suggested changes asap, but with this one I'm still waiting for a my mind to click and produce a brilliant idea. Glad you pointed it out though!

Thank you for complimenting Carmen, she is my baby! Her life will most certainly take a turn for the much-awaited weirder, but all in good time!

Thank you for a kind review, cheers!


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Review #10, by Courtney Dark Mutated Unicorns

3rd December 2012:
Tag!
I thought this was a really great start. You told us enough about Carmen and Rose so that we get an idea of their personalities but not so much that it bores us.
I like that Carmen is a very unusual character, and Rose is quite different to how I've often read her.
You also have a nice little cliffie.
Great job!
Courtney:)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Always glad to read positive feedback :)

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Review #11, by Elphaba and Boyfriends Muggle Feeders

2nd December 2012:
Hi, Elphaba here again! I read through this chapter very quickly a couple of weeks ago, but wanted to read it again at a more leisurely pace before reviewing.

Reading it a second time has paid off, because there were a few things that I just didn't get the first time around. There are a lot of subtle things going on that require careful reading, I think, and I enjoyed this chapter quite a bit the second time I read it.

I like the description of Mullet's very dull class in the first section, I think you capture this experience very well.

Carmen's line, "That just makes him a nerd," made me laugh. I like her character a lot. I also really liked the description of the "bench on the brink of civilization" where "all important things had happened." :)

The interaction between Albus and Dom is very curious. One theory I have is that he agreed to make a potion of some sort for her and the other Slytherin girls (something in a glass bottle?) and that they drank it at the party, which led to her freak out ... I don't know, just guessing, so it will be interesting to see how the story develops. :)

Scorpius as a glam rocker made me smile, and also that the Room of Requirement has been turned into a party room (I wouldn't be surprised to find out it had been used for parties by previous generations).

I don't recall seeing the six primary characters explicitly listed elsewhere, but am I correct in assuming they are: Rose, Carmen, Dom, Albus, Lysander and Scorpius?

I like the cliffhanger ending, and as I said, I'm interested to see where the story leads from here.

Author's Response: hey again! Thank you for coming back :D

My main concern about this chapter was that many things might be unclear. But I also didn't want to be too forward. Since I have so many main characters, I want to let their personalities and the relationship-matrix between them to be introduced gradually. In my mind, each of them has a very specific history with all the other five and, although none of these histories are very important to the plot, they are important to the tone of the story. This is why I tried to keep the intrigue subtle
Your theory about what happened between Dom and Albus is completely correct! I'm glad it is still deductable from the chapter, even if not immediately :) It's a senstitive issue, which is another reason for the carefull way I presented it.

I'm glad you like Carmen and the bench! It's a very important bench :D Also pleased that you approve of Scorp being a glam rocker, I was really worried about that, especially since I decided to actuallymake up those horrible lyrics for him to sing. Very cringe-worthy!

Anyways, thanks again for the reviews! As soon as I get more chapters up,I'll make sure to re-request.


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Review #12, by peanuts11 The Weasley Burden

14th November 2012:
Characterization is looking good. I'm starting to like the slightly quirky Carmen. As i think i said before, sometime your descriptions can be inconsistent but your continuity is looking really good.

Author's Response: Hey again!

Carmen is my baby, so I am overjoyed to hear that she has found an appreciative audience :D

Several others have also pointed out the inconsistency in my descriptions and , although I am not quite sure I understand what that means, I will try to even out the chapter :)


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Review #13, by peanuts11 Mutated Unicorns

12th November 2012:
It's not faultless but I don't think that it's a bad start. Infact, I quite like this.

You've done well to highlight the characteristic between Rose and Carmen. I also like how there aren't huge chunks of description but instead they are embedded with the action as it makes for easy and more interesting reading. Personally, I don't really care for huge amounts of description when reading but when I'm writing I do think that it's important to be more seamless in your inclusion of description. So that there's maybe a sentence more than you're already doing and perhaps not as many similes or metaphors or a variation of description techniques.

Really liking it so far though :D

Author's Response: Hello :)

Description has always been a terrible chore for me. I guess that is why I am a film student and not a literatue student haha

I will try to clean it up since certain parts feel odd to me as well.Glad to hear that you like the story despite its flaws!


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Review #14, by Elphaba and Boyfriends The Weasley Burden

11th November 2012:
Hi, Elphaba again!

I like your descriptions of the professors Mullet and Bot in this chapter. Bot especially seems like a real person.

This sentence about Albus Potter stuck out because it read like you were going for a metaphor, but didn't quite go through with it all the way: "his sharp jaw was still clenched in a way that gave his entire face more corners than a boy's face should have." I'm not sure how best to complete it, but corners makes me think of geometric shapes, so maybe something like "more corners than a pentagram." If you give it some time I'm sure you'll think of something better. :)

I really liked your vivid description of Albus: "When he talked, his gestures were writhing and slithery and he always looked guilty." Poor Albus! I hope that he's just misunderstood; I tend to have a soft spot for odd and slithery boys. :)

I think my favorite part of this chapter is the chase section with Carmen, because you build the suspense so well.

I'm glad that you decided not to abandon this story, because there is a lot of potential here!

It may be a couple of days before I get to Chapter Three, but I will get there. :)

Author's Response: Hey again! :)

Well I am glad that Bot made an impression, he will have an important role to play later on. I was actually worried he was too stereotypical(not hpff stereotypical, but highschool-movie stereotypical). The awkward student assistant surrounded by hormonal teens? We have had that already so many times. But his story is intended to go in a completely different direction and, honestly, it is a relief that he is already on a good path :D

Ah yes, Albus. He is probably my favourite character in this story, so there is so much more of him to come. It appears that I also have a weakness for the slythery, creepy ones ;)

The sentence with corners is, I admit, rather awkward, but I like it this way. Maybe I'll just change corners to edges or somthing similar in order to avoid the expectation of a metaphor.What I meant is a reference to a certain type of male face that has a particularly sharp jaw, the corners of which stick out on the side of the face. Kind of like Niel Caffrey in White Collar, but more so.

The chase with Carmen was a fun part to write! I was worried that it didn't fit with the rest of the chapter in terms of style...good to know that it works after all!

Take your time with getting to chapter 3, it is a long one...and a messy one, I fear. I will need anything that critical eye of yours can pick up ;)

cheers and thank you again!


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Review #15, by Elphaba and Boyfriends Mutated Unicorns

11th November 2012:
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review!

Okay, you said you're up for some criticism, so you're going to get some. Don't worry, I actually found quite a bit to like about your story. :)

My first quibble is with your flat description of Carmen watching that boy at the beginning disappear with, "big, sad eyes." Given that you describe her eyes much more vividly later, I think their expression at this moment deserves the same kind of attention, especially since this is the first time we meet her. Do her eyes glisten with barely held back tears? Does she furrow her brow?

Overall, I really like your descriptions of Carmen and Rose. Carmen's "fake and shocking" hair color made me laugh. I like that Carmen is a little freaky, and that Rose is drawn to that. Hogwarts is a pretty freaky place, so Carmen will need to be into in some pretty "out there" subjects to stand out. You mention poltergeists, but I believe that Peeves is a poltergeist, so they're probably fairly mundane for Hogwarts students. I would play up Carmen's fascination with impending doom -- I think that's one thing that most everyone can agree on as being weird. :)

Then there was this sentence: "And it was at this point that the entire castle broke out in a dull tremor." One piece of writing advice that's stuck with me (I can't remember where I heard it) is to make as much use of interesting verbs as possible, and not rely on adjectives. I can't really imagine a "dull tremor," and "broke out" isn't very exciting. I think it might be better to describe what is happening using verbs. Are the stones trembling? Is the floor rippling? The rest of your description of the event (glasses clinking, plates sliding, everything vibrating) is very good because of all the verbs. :) I would just jump straight into that without announcing the tremor.

So far your story is interesting, and seems to have a lot of potential. I'm curious to find out what has just happened! I do plan on reviewing all three chapters, although it may take me a couple more days to get to the third one.

Author's Response: Hey!

Thank you for a helpful review! I will certainly change Carmen's first description, because you are right, "big sad eyes" is like saying she had sadface, which means nothing :P

The description of the explosion at the end was really a chore to me for some reason, so I am thrilled to hear that some of it is worthy of praise. I aggree with your comment about the "dull tremor" and will try to follow the advice you give. I suppose that tremors can come in very different forms and sizes, so that sentence gave the reader's imagination very little to work with :P

The reason I mentioned poltergeists was because I was always fascinated by the idea of Peeves just "coming with the castle". What kind of magic can make a sentient being like that? I will get into this later in the story. But thank you for drawing my attention to the promise I made of a freaky Carmen, I will do my best not to disappoint ;)

Again, thank you for the review, I look forward to seeing what else you have to say!


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Review #16, by adluvshp The Weasley Burden

5th November 2012:
Tag!

I quite am liking your story. The plot is good and your characters are crafted well. I liked the narrative of this chapter. I think you did job with setting the scenes. The ending was nice and mysterious.

Good work!

Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hey again!

Thank you for that! The one thing keeping me attached to this story are the characters. They just popped up in my mind and won't go away. Good to hear that they are finding a positive response among readers!

See you again in review tag ;)


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Review #17, by Harry_Potter777 The Weasley Burden

21st September 2012:
This story is crazy awesome! Please don't abandon it!!

Author's Response: Hey there!

Thank you so much for the encouragement!!! It means so much to me, really! I couldn't possibly abandon my crazy New Gen creations ;) More coming soon (a ridiculously long chapter, in fact ^^)


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Review #18, by adluvshp or AditiDraco95 Mutated Unicorns

21st September 2012:
Hello! This is AditiDraco95 from the forums. Here for Slytherin review tag.

I like your story idea. Quite funny. Love Rose and Carmen's characters. I think you have a good going here. Do keep writing. Like it.

Cheers!

Author's Response: Thank you for the kind words! I hope to make something good out of this idea,lets hope it works out :D

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Review #19, by Beeezie Mutated Unicorns

14th September 2012:
Hey, here for Review Tag. :)

This is a story that I think has a lot of promise. You've set the stage for an interesting backstory with the banshees (either the apparent banshee uprising itself or just Carmen's obsession with that sort of thing - either would provide an interesting backstory), and Carmen herself seems like a really fun character to play around with. Right now she comes across to me as kind of like a hyperactive Luna Lovegood, which definitely opens up a wide range of possibilities.

However, there were a few areas that I thought you could have improved upon to take this story from 'promising' to 'great' (because I really think that it could be the latter, which a little bit of work).

First, I want to touch on the mechanics. You've got the basics down, but there were a few little things that you tripped up on. They're not a huge deal, but for me, at least, mechanical mistakes can really take away from what would otherwise be a very good story, so I thought I'd point them out.

There was a typo in the very first sentence, when Carmen says, "How can you ignore the signs?" the first quotation mark is at the bottom of the sentence rather than the top. Additionally, you didn't always use dialogue tags correctly. In case you don't know the term (a lot of people don't), "dialogue tag" just refers to the words that follow dialogue and indicate who is speaking. Some examples would be Carmen yelled, she mumbled, etc. You correctly end sentences when a dialogue tag immediately follows with a comma, and you are also correct in not capitalizing the tag.

However, you bump into problems in that you treat a lot of things as dialogue tags when they aren't. For example, in the fourth paragraph, she shoved a glistening… etc should have started with a capital letter, not a lowercase, because it's not directly related to the dialogue that came before it. There were several of instances of this (including Rose Weasley smirked - smirking isn't a dialogue tag), and I think it's worth going through to clean it up.

I also want to address your descriptions. Aside from those couple things I pointed out, your grammar is good, which makes this readable and enjoyable. You also do have a lot of great descriptions - Carmen yelling at the back of the girls, the boy inching toward the staircase, Carmen wondering why no one was coming down the stairs when they usually did at this time… there were a lot of fun descriptions that gave me a good idea of what was going on.

Where I think you struggled a little was consistency. For example, you described both Rose's and Carmen's appearances in a fair amount of detail. That's not a bad thing, and the descriptions themselves were good. However, given that you didn't really describe anything else in such minute detail made those stick out. If you included a little more about their surroundings, rather than just the people in them, I think that the chapter would be much stronger.

As I said, these really aren't that big a deal on their own, but they do add up, especially the consistency issue that I mentioned. I do think that they're worth cleaning up, and they may be part of the reason this story doesn't have the reviews/favourites that, frankly, I think it deserves. You have a great concept here, and Carmen as a character is shaping up to be original and entertaining, as is Rose. And don't worry - I am going to talk about the content. (I didn't actually mean to spend that much time on mechanics - sorry, I'm a bit obsessed).

Honestly, the things I talked about above really were the major weaknesses I saw in the fic. Everything else was great, and I don't understand it doesn't have more of a following, even with the things I've mentioned.

In next-gen fics, there are often a lot of cliches and stereotypes that people fall into. I didn't see any in here, which caught my interest and made me want to come back for more. Carmen's character is imaginative and shows a lot of creativity on your part. Describing Carmen as an old hag with nice eyes and setting it up so readers know right off the bat that she's a little left of center was a nice introduction to the character, and judging from the story summary and the tone thus far, I think that it was also a nice introduction to the story as a whole.

The same is true of Rose. I have never read a Rose like this, and I've read a lot of Roses. When you can take such a popular next-gen character and make her your own like this, you're definitely doing something right. Additionally, when Rose appears and you give the description of her, that definitely reinforced the tone of the story that Carmen had already set for me. This wasn't just going to be one rather eccentric character surrounded by patient but ultimately fairly normal friends - the cast of this is definitely shaping up to all be eccentric in their own special ways. If Carmen and Rose are any indication, it also seems like they'll each be very much their own character, rather than just fitting one easy mold.

I also thought that you paced this well. The story summary gives me the impression that there are going to be six main characters, and I love the fact that you didn't try to squeeze them all into this first chapter. That would have ended up taking away from the two characters you did introduce, which are - as I mentioned - quite strong. Introducing main characters chapter by chapter is something that a lot of people don't have the patience to do, but you did it.

… when you signed up for tag, you probably weren't figuring that you'd be getting a novel. Hopefully it came off as helpful, rather than annoying! If you have any questions, feel free to PM me, and good luck on the story - I hope you don't get discouraged, because I really do think that it has so much promise.

Author's Response: Wow! This was amazing.'Annoying', are you kidding me? It is to get such helpful reviews that I came to this site in the first place!

In all honesty, I was this close to abandoning the story. And it would not be an exaggeration to say that your review turned everything around :)

One of the reasons I've been having a hard time with this fic is that I simply can't figure out a fitting style for it. I suppose the consistency you mentioned is just one side effect of this. I will do my best to work on making the story more presentable, possibly even with the help of a beta (Would you be willing to be to that, btw? ^^)

I am overjoyed that you liked the characters so far! I purposefully avoided any stereotype I could simply because I always thought it was strange how often Harry and co.'s children are portrayed as normal,undamaged adolescents. I hope to show them from a different perspective, focusing on how these teenagers must deal with the highest of expectations while remaining true to their own needs and desires. Likey, each will go about this in their own, highly disfunctional way ;). They are children of war, after all. This is often forgotten, and I think that leaves some unexplored potential, to say the least. A society after a war is never the same, and the pressure to establish a new world order falls on the new generation. If that doesn't make one a bit,uh,eccentric I don't know what would :P

Once again, thank you so much for your review, please know that it single-handedly saved this story! I'm sorry for taking so long to answer, but, you know,life. I hope to see you back soon :D


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