I love Aislin! She sticks up for herself and I almost burst out laughing when Sirius got covered in pumpkin.
As for Sirius, I not entirely sure he's exactly how he would have been (in other words, he's a horrific git) but hey, he's a teenager, and he's obviously desperately in love with Aislin even if he doesn't realise it. Well, at least I think he is.
Does Regulus fancy Aislin?
I can't wait to find out what happens next! 9.5/10
P.S I don't like James, either. He's being a prick to Aislin when she's doing him a massive favour!
Also, it was nice to see the James parts not being all about Lily Evans, as even in Sirius/OC stories that tends to happen. Anyway, well done for a great story! Report Review
keep it up! so good. Report Review
This is a great story! I am addicted and I only just started reading it! Please update soon! Report Review
Please update soon, I love this.:) Report Review
I enjoyed this chapter, keep it up! Definitely looking forward to some Aislin/Sirius conflict next chapter. :P Report Review
You must update. I am hungry for more of this story. Rawr.
Siriusly though, this is really good. I love Aislin, her relationship with Corinna, and the way she dumps pumpkins on blessed Sirius Balck. Oh, yes, and curse Scrimgeour, what was he doing here of all people? Slimy, pompous, arrogant fool.
Anywaysies, I will be back to read this, and perhaps to review as well.
:)Author's Response: Thank you!! I think secretly I've always wanted to pumpkin-smash someone. :) Next chapter's in the queue, should be up soon! Report Review
Ooooh, I love this. (:
Youre a good author, I can't wait for the next chapter.(:Author's Response: Aww, thank you! :) The next chapter's in the queue, should be up in a few days! Report Review
Thanks for another chapter! I was sad when you didn't update for a while, but I totally understand that life gets crazy.
As for the chapter, I do like that you introduced another character that might be interested in Aislin. However, I don't really seem to understand that almost everyone isn't getting how awful Sirius has treated Aislin. Like, it just gets brushed off by most people, when it seems like a lot more people should be comforting her or being on her side, regardless of Sirius' popularity?Author's Response: Haha yeah, my workload this year is driving me insane.
At least in my experience in high school, people tend to ignore others' possible injuries and side with their friends, or the people they want to be their friends. There definitely are people (Lily Evans, for example) who would side with Aislin, though. I like your point, and I'll go back and edit this at some point this weekend to include the other side a bit more.
:) Thanks for your feedback! Report Review
This is like the most perfect romance story I've ever read in my life. I'm on the edge of my seat here! WHY DID IT END?! Wa!! Please update soon I'm desperate! :DAuthor's Response: Aww :) I'll try to update soon, but school stuff if kind of crazy at the moment! Report Review
Since you asked specifically for an Aislin-centered review, I am here to deliver! I absolutely LOVE the name Aislin (a good Irish one) by the way.
She's very hot-headed and has a big opinion. I like that. You are very good with keeping her consistent and aren't struggling with the characterization at all. She's obviously very fragile from the breakup, but still has a lot of feelings for Sirius. Her insecurities are showing nicely and that helps a lot when trying to avoid a Mary Sue.
I also just want to add that I love the Remus character. I always have so I really like when Remus is a big character in these stories. Good job!
-AllieAuthor's Response: Ahh, sorry I took so long to respond to this! Thanks for your feedback, I'm definitely trying to avoid Mary Sue-ism. :) And I'm glad you like Remus! Report Review
I love this. It's really funny, and Sirius sounds so mean. I love it!Author's Response: Thank you!! :) Sirius doesn't really mean it, he's just conflicted! Report Review
I really liked this chapter! I genuinely felt like shit when Sirius said all those things to Aislin. :(Author's Response: Thank you! And yeah, I got a bit emotional as I was writing it, haha Report Review
I liked this chapter, but felt like it didn't go as far as the last chapter did, as far as plot. I can't really put my finger on it. I definitely like the mystery you've got going on here with Remus, James, and Sirius, but I'd like to get a little more besides just interactions between Aislyn and them!Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! :) You sparked some ideas for me! I'll definitely try to get the action going Report Review
What a great chapter. You're an excellent writer. I noticed a few awkward phrases and one or two typos, but hey... whatever. It's overshadowed by the story!
Can't wait to read the next chapter!Author's Response: Thank you! :) Report Review
Stumbled upon this story, and really enjoyed it! I definitely enjoyed the type and amount of humor you put in here. Not too much so that it felt cheesy or overdone, but enough that it is impossible to classify your writing as "stereotypical emo romance" or whatever. :P
I agree with the first review--I like descriptions of people. Physical descriptions, that is. I can usually get personality after a bit of writing. Add a little more description in, and it'd be absolutely perfect!Author's Response: Haha thank you! :) I'll definitely try to incorporate more description! Report Review
CRAP CLIFF HANGER! WRITE FREAKING MOREAuthor's Response: WILL DO! Thanks for reviewing :) Report Review
AAAH!!! Write Faster! Write more! Can i just go into the futre, and read all the futre chapters? I Love tis story. gotta go and cry now because the next chapter isn't here yet..Author's Response: Haha I'll try to get the next chapter into the queue by Saturday or Sunday!! Thanks for reading and reviewing! :) Report Review
The characterization in this story seems interesting. I like the way Sirius is depicted, but Asilin seems to come off as a Mary Sue. The plot is intersting, but needs to be pieced together better, and description helps that, and this story needs more description. I do like the overall sense of the story, its fun, witty, and creative, a very uplifting beat that I enjoy. But it does need some work and editing. I recommend a beta who can help with description and plot as well as grammar.Author's Response: Thanks for your review! I'll definitely do some editing. Report Review
Reading about Sirius and Aislin makes me so sad. I really want to see them together again. Honestly, I love the flashbacks. I really felt the emotion in the flashback where Aislin was crying. Please update soon!! xxAuthor's Response: Awww, I'm glad you like them though. I want to keep writing flashbacks, I think they really flesh out Sirius/Aislin's relationship. :) Next chapter is coming soon! Report Review
When I read the first chapter I went 'Holy cow, I love this story'
It seems I love every story I read, but that's probably cause I only ever read ABSOULUTELY decent ones. I like this one, best one I've read in a little while actually, keep it up :) And flashbacks. Excellent idea :DAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! :) Report Review
Please write more i enjoyed so much, you also did an amazing job editing I couldn't find a mistake (well I wasn't looking that hard) but its still amazing you got a talent no show it to us and WRITE MORE
(sorry for any typos I'm writing this on my phone :PAuthor's Response: Thank you so much :) I'm about halfway through writing the next chapter! Report Review
Ahhahahahahahaha this was amazing, I was laughing the whole timeAuthor's Response: Thank yoou! :) Report Review
Love the story! Hope next chapter comes soon! :) xxAuthor's Response: Thank yoou! Starting it right now!! :) Report Review
Hello! Here for your review!
So, I think you have a lot interesting aspects of this story. I like the narrative voice you've given Aislin, although you do switch tenses so be careful of that. I also enjoyed her sense of humor. I didn't really get much imagery or descriptions from this prologue, so I think that would be the biggest thing to work on. What did she feel, see, hear, taste when the werewolf was attacking her? Was her heart racing? Did she have salty tears down her face? What about the caste - did the view of it from the night time stroll captivate her? Remember, I'm not in your head. I have no idea what you are seeing, so if you don't tell me - I just have two stick people in my head acting out your words.
You have a very smooth flow and I love that you've just thrown us into the story,that really makes for an interesting start. Things seem a bit too convenient so far - so I would be careful at making sure everything actually becomes part of this story.
I think so far though you have a great hold on your characters, you are stepping a bit into cliche territory with the Sirius as Gryffindor playboy type of thing, but it's hard not to because most FF do the same thing as well.
My biggest suggested would be to try and read this as if you weren't the one who wrote it, like you have no idea of the setting or anything, that should help you figure out where to strengthen your descriptions.
I'm excited to see where you take this, like I said you have a solid and interesting beginning!
Thanks for requesting!
JamiAuthor's Response: Thanks for responding so quickly! I'll definitely go back and edit this at some point, and pay finer attention to description. Report Review
NO CLIFFHANGER. Please do update soon soon soon.
I don't want to share my suspicions about what happened in this chapter, because I'm consistently wrong and sound silly in the end. So I think what I'll do is keep quiet and then post lots of "I KNEW IT" reviews when all is revealed - whether I actually did know it or not is irrelevant.
I really, really like this story! I honestly can't figure it out at all, but in a good way. The characters are all lovely - I have a soft spot for Corinna already, she reminds me of myself - and just sdfsdfjfhsd. Update. ♥Author's Response: Heheh. The next chapter is in the queue. :) Hopefully it's not to predictable, but I would like to give you the satisfaction of having been right. I love writing Corinna!
Thanks again! Report Review
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