Oh wow! I love the idea of this mirror that shows I'm guessing past deeds and other such horrible things. I can see why people would waste away in front of it, trying to escape it but unable to leave the room. I can imagine the desperation one would feel as they are trying to break the mirror and not even a scratch could be made in it and I imagine those who had managed to get even the smallest of a scratch on it were given some kind of hope that they could get rid of it though instead they were proven wrong. I really enjoyed this and for such a short story, it really stood out to me. The ending was great, it still held on to that bit of darkness and still kind of left your reader wanting more. Great Job!
~Slytherinchica08~Author's Response: Thank you so much! :) That was definitely the sort of mood I was going for, and I'm really glad you liked it! Report Review
Your story summary immediately caught my attentiona and then I saw that it was Dorcas, my favorite obscure canon character! This short story was truly amazing and chilled me to the bone. The idea of this Erised's opposite mirror is quite fascinating. Of course from some HP books we know mirrors can also speak up, like the one in Leaky Cauldron, and I like the idea the twisted mirror is saying Dorcas' name on purpose. The madness gripping her was scary, but I liked how she still tried to fight it. The only confusing bit is toward the end when the figure comes into the cell. I reckon it's Voldemort since he was the one that personally killed her. That's why I don't exactly understand why would she think she was saved when she saw who it was. Am I missing something? Either way, this was a great read. You managed to do the challenge wonderfully. 500 hundred words and you really told a story and affected the reader with your words. Excellent job.Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it. :) Fitting so much into 500 words was definitely a challenge, and I'm glad you feel that I succeeded in getting across such a strong mood.
I wanted to leave the end open to interpretation, which is why I don't specify what spell the person used - I felt like definitively stating it would have taken away from the disjointed, creepy mood I was trying to portray. Reactions to it have been a bit mixed, so maybe at some point I'll go back and look it over again. :)
Thank you so much for your review! Report Review
It never fails to amaze me how much emotion can be packed into 500 little words.
From the start this story sent a chill through me, and I knew I was going to love it.
The idea of an inanimate object inflicting that sort of pain simply by showing images that may or may not be real is astounding. By the end I was sitting here hoping that someone would just free her from her misery, at that point even death would be welcome... and then death came. Quietly and quickly... from what I view as a nameless, faceless shadow... She knew him, or her, but even after reading the story twice I can't decide which Death-Eater ended her pain.
Excellent job darling!
~Moon~Author's Response: Oh, thank you! :) I'm glad you liked it!
Re: the guilty Death Eater - I wanted to leave it up to interpretation, but when I wrote it I was kind of thinking of Peter - this could have been his initiation of something.
Just a thought, though - like I said, I really wanted to leave this open to interpretation. :) Report Review
Hello! This is AditiDraco95 from the forums with your challenge review. (I am reading and reviewing all challenge entries before I judge them).
This was quite a remarkable piece. I liked how you told such a haunting story in just about 500 words.
Dorcas' fearful and insecure emotions were very evident throughout the piece. Your narrative was quite chilling and well written. The imagery you used was well crafted too - not overdone and not underdone.
The ending was effective as well just like the beginning. I liked your plot idea of the mirror. And I especially loved your summary.
All in all, this was a well-written piece and it drew me in while I read it. Good work!
Best of luck for the challenge results, I shall notify you once I release them :)
ADAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it - it was an excellent challenge, and I had a lot of fun with it. :) Report Review
Wow Miss Branwen, you just gave me the entire body chills/shivers.
The most haunting part about it is, you don't say exactly what happens to Dorcas, but we know she doesn't live through this war so it isn't hard to guess.
The image you created is so dark, and with such few words... it's amazing. I just want to break the mirror for her and rescue her from whatever room they've locked her in. Your imagery in this is so alive, the idea of her huddling in a corner that isn't really corner, trying to avoid looking into the mirror, is really terrifying.
I could literally feel my heart start racing when the door creaked open, I just wanted her to pull out her wand and fight. And who was there to make her think at first she'd been saved? My only idea is Severus..
Thanks for giving me my morning dose of creepy ;)Author's Response: Oh, thank you! :) As weird as it may be, I'm really glad you had that reaction - it was definitely what I was going for, but I'm still getting into this dark creepy niche, so I was a bit concerned. (Though, aren't I always?)
♥ Thank you for the review. Report Review
THIS WAS BRILLIANT. Oh my goodness. For 500 words, this was absolutely incredible. It was so eerie, the whispering of her name accompanied by the mirror and what she saw in it. And the writing was amazing. You knew exactly where to add the descriptions and where to cut them down so that this was both really clear and completely twisted at the same time. Incredble, honestly. One of the best 500 word pieces I've ever read.
-NaidaAuthor's Response: I'm honoured that you think so highly of it! Thank you so much for the review. *hug* Report Review
"The whisper cut her so deep, she could feel it in her bones. " This line, phew, what an opening! It honestly gave me chills. This whole story chilled me to the bone, it was so atmospheric and tense. You've managed to create such a horrifying scene in such a short amount of words. The repetitive use of Dorcas' name really builds the tension, the mirror, the way the voice seems to be coming from nowhere all creates a wonderful sense of horror.
I've never read a story about Dorcas before, and you have certainly surprised me, in a good way! I really enjoyed it (and I rarely enjoy horror). Excellent job! :DAuthor's Response: I'm really glad you ended up feeling the mood I was trying to build - I haven't really written much horror before, so this was kind of something new for me. :)
Thank you so much for the review! Report Review
I rarely read any horror, but since I really like your previous one-shots, I took a leap of faith with this one and it was worth it. =) It was chillling with its simplicity and like with many horror movies, the most frightening things are those that we can't see.
I actually enjoyed that every word had to count, it definitely suits with this type of fiction. You managed to paint the picture with very sparse words, which is achievement on itself.
The ending was perfect way to end it. You gave us just enough clues what might happen, but it still left the imagination running.Author's Response: I'm glad you took the chance with this, and that it worked out! :) It's definitely got a bit of a different feel compared with most of my other one-shots, particularly the next-gen ones - I've been trying to branch out a little, and I'm so pleased that you found this effective. *hug* Thank you for the review, and I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond! Report Review
Hey! I haven't read any of your work in ages and i'm glad i popped over again because this is fantastic. I'm always a little amazed when i read these Every Word Count stories because there is always so much in so little words. You did not disappoint at all with this as there was so much emotion and so much madness here that was really quite extraordinary.
I really liked how Dorcas couldn't tell her past, present, or future anymore and how they just seemed to one in the same. It really just showcased what she was going through and how her mind was becoming more warped. There is something really strong about the mirror and how it seemed to overwhelm her. I really liked the part where she was wondering how many other people sat were she was sitting, trying to get away from seeing the mirror. It was really vivid for me.
I loved how, at the end, you don't know who killed her? Or was she tortured? I'm actually guessing she was tortured as that was her worst nightmare when she looked into the mirror. The DE used it to see what they feared the most and then would create that into reality? You left that bit of it hanging but it's playing with my imagination who because she clearly thought she'd be saved from the madness that was bubbling up inside her until they raised their wand at her. Maybe... it was Peter and she thought he'd save her but since he was a traitor... obviously, he wouldn't. :P probably not but i thought i'd take a guess.
Lovely job Beeezie! I really loved reading this and i'm glad i clicked on it! I'm putting it in my favourites as well! :DAuthor's Response: Join the club - I haven't read anything of yours in awhile, either, and it's been making me sad. :( I need to find some time... I think I need a time turner.
I agree about the 'Every Word Counts' stories - they've always impressed me, and I didn't think I would ever be able to write one, because I have a tendency to be a bit wordy. This kind of popped into my head one day, though, and I'm glad it did, because I'm reasonably pleased with it.
And actually... well, without saying too much (because it kind of pertains to another story of mine), I tend to think that it was Peter, too, just after he turned, and this was his first task to prove his loyalty.
... hopefully saying that didn't completely ruin the mystery.
Thank you so much for the review, and I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond to it. ♥ Report Review
The summary immediately caught my eye when I was looking through the list of stories - the Mirror of Erised was a pretty dark item, even though it at first seems harmless, for it's capable of trapping a man/woman before it and keeping him/her there until they die.
And wow- this story did not disappoint! It's quite amazing the amount of emotion you managed to get across in 500 words... But I suppose that a good deal of the emotion sprouted from the details that you didn't include. There is obviously something frightening about the mirror - the fact that it shows you horrible things - but I think that a large part of the horror of it comes from the fact that it's so realistic, as though it actually should be happening, should have happened, will occur, that you start to doubt your own sanity. I liked how you indicated that Dorcas was losing faith in her own abilities when she couldn't remember if the images that the mirror showed had already occurred to her.
As well, the constant repetition of "Dorcas" completed the effect beautifully. It was quite creepy to read the word without knowing exactly who said it. I imagine that it was the mirror, trying to tempt her back into gazing at it, but the idea that an inanimate object is capable of speech just made the scene creepier.
Finally, I think that you did a brilliant job with your ending. You finished the story with a hint of what was to become of Dorcas - I assume she's about to be killed - and there was no indication as to who had said the last "Dorcas...", ending the story perfectly.
All in all, I think that you did a great job with this story. You did a fantastic job of capturing the horror of Dorcas' situation as well as transmitting her emotions. I really enjoyed reading it.Author's Response: Oh, I'm glad! :) The second task was definitely good to this story - there were a lot of people going through the 'Recently Added' list, and I think that the combination of the length and the summary drew a lot of readers in. I definitely lucked out!
I'm sorry I haven't had the chance to respond until now - RL has been very stressful the last few weeks, and I just haven't really had the mental energy to write or answer reviews. *hides*
I definitely agree re: the Mirror of Erised - it was a creepy mirror with a huge dark side, but as I was rereading PS at one point, it occurred to me that Erised was creepy and dangerous in a sneaky sort of way, and that it would be interesting if there were other mirrors in the Wizarding World that weren't so sneaky about driving you crazy.
I'm really glad you liked this. Thank you so much for the review! Report Review
Oh Branwen! This was amazing!
I'm practically shivering here! This was such a chilling story.
Such a horrible way of torturing a person! I love the inventiveness of it. It's always cool to see people adding their own touch to the magical world by coming up with new ideas.
My favourite thing about this was the repeating of her name, it held the atmosphere and tied the different thoughts together perfectly.
And the ending *hrrr* perfection.
You really are a talented one-shot writer! Simply amazing stories you have here!
~EAuthor's Response: Thank you! ♥ When I was first writing fanfiction, I pretty much stayed in the romance/humour genres, but in the last eight or so months, I've really been making the effort to branch out. I wasn't terrific at first, but I do think I've gotten better, and I'm glad you agree. :)
Thank you so much for the review! ♥ Report Review
*shivers* This was so very chilling. I don't know why but I really love the idea of a corner that's not really a corner and then Dorcas' observation that others may have made the indentation. The mirror sounds terrifying and I would really like to know more about it - it's obviously not the Mirror of Erised but it must be a very powerful magical object and it's simply tragic that it seems to have fallen into the Death Eaters' hands. What a truly awful way to torture somebody, especially when they are alone with the mirror. One person on their own would surely go insane.
I thought this was written really well and brought across the feeling of fear and of the unknown. And the repetition of somebody saying "Dorcas..." Was it her or was it somebody else? I love the ambiguity of it all.
-MaybeAuthor's Response: I'm sorry it's taken me so long to answer - I've had a bit of a backlog and not enough time. :(
I'm really glad that the story came across like that to you, because that's definitely what I was aiming for. :) Thank you so much for the review. I really appreciate it. Report Review
I really like it! are you going to keep writing?Author's Response: This story is just a one-shot. I have other stories on my author page, though (including others that deal with the First Wizarding War), if you're interested in those. :) Report Review
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