Love it! haha!
I really liked how you switched points of view, you really tied them together well, one ending and then the other would pick up with basically the same thought. It's like there's on the same brain wave without even knowing it, they both feel anger towards each other for basically the same thing.
I really like the descriptions and stuff you have in here, they really put an image in your mind as to what the characters look like. You did very well with your descriptive focus on the characters, which was obviously intentional and well executed.
Also with the characters, their tones and attitudes are so believable. I can definitely see this as being how the real James and Lily felt. However, conveyed through this the one thing I might touch on is incorporating something a little past physical attraction. You've touched gently on him being oblivious or dumb and her being smart, but is it a contributing factor to their attraction?
Here and there I think a little more description of the setting would be nice, but what you have here is solid and if you don't feel comfortable adding more detail to the setting than I wouldn't push too hard for it.
Like I said, this is really good, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it! I think you should definitely try something like this again. :)Author's Response: Thank you! haha!
I'm glad you picked up on the POV thing - not many people did, so I was a bit worried that no one would figure it out :/ That was exactly what I was going for with the "same brain wave" thing, so good job on that!
Thank you :D I was kind of going for them "only having eyes for each other," so obviously there's going to be a lot of focus on just the two of them. I'm glad you found the description to be well executed.
Ahaha, well this is my first Lily/James so I'm happy to know that I got them right. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to write them correctly.
To be honest, I wrote this a very long time ago and I haven't read it since I posted it, so I can't speak much to your points :/ I didn't really edit this before I put it up even though I feel I've gotten a lot better at writing since I wrote this. But I'm sure that your points are very valid since you've just read it. If I ever /do/ go back and edit this I will definitely make sure to work on the things you've mentioned here, so thank you so much for pointing them out. And I'll keep these thoughts in mind for any of my future writing endeavors.
Thank yoouu for such a lovely and helpful review! I'm glad you enjoyed it, and if I ever come up with some more plot bunnies I'll make sure to try them out. Thanks again ♥ Report Review
This is just so so so sweet. I love your theme of planets and stars--its so otherworldly, and James and Lily's love has always seemed to me to be very out of this world. And stars are just so beautiful. I also think its fantastic the way that you use the end of one POV to begin the next. Its so amazing how absolutely perfect for each other they are. I love it. This one shot is just so darn beautiful. I love James and Lily, and you capture them astoundingly here. Great job!Author's Response: Aw, thank yoouu ♥ I didn't actually think about the "otherworldly" idea with the stars/planets thing, I just thought it was kind of romantic :P But sure, that could work too! Ahh, thank you for picking up on how I worked the POV changes together. I wasn't sure if anyone would get that - how their chain of thoughts fit so perfectly together. This is my first Lily/James so I'm glad I didn't screw up too badly. Thank you for such a lovely review! I'm glad you liked it so much :D Report Review
Awesome! I loved the switching back-and-forth between their POVs and I love all the description you put in there! Well done!Author's Response: Thank you! I had a lot of fun exploring their different perspectives and writing the descriptions :D Report Review
THAT WAS SO ADORABLE
it was so cute I almost dieddd! Pleaseee write more "fluffy little one-shots!!!" So cute Author's Response: GAH THANK YOU
I'm certainly glad that you didn't die ;) I'm considering writing some more fluffy one-shots, but we'll see. Thanks for the review ♥ Report Review
I really like it! You're a great writer :)Author's Response: Thank you so much :) Report Review
I quite enjoyed this. I love the back and forth between their perspectives, and the way they keep dancing about one another, completely oblivious that their nuts for each other. Reminds me of another couple I know, hmmm.
The way they view each other is so cute and so teenagery (I think that's a word). And I love that bit with the Peter reference. he does seem that thick, but if Harry is anything to go by then James must have been thicker than concrete. I would love to see her ask him out with a Quaffle. Would be hilarious to see.
And i love the way they look at one another,d rinking in the others details, their tiny imperfections and savouring them, but are still both clueless. it's great.
I think you'v written them both so well, the clueless pining, the bitter resenetment which is really misplaced love, the way they always rub each other the wrong way in an attempt to get the other to notice them. So cute and so funny.
And you draw the world around them in such a beautiful way too, and their almost complete obliviousness to it in their focusing on one another. But most of all I love that Lily is the one who asks, albeit in a very roundabout way but still, flips the idea on it's head as it's always James the courageous Gryffindor who makes the move. So much better this way.
TyrannicFeenixAuthor's Response: I'm glad :) It was a lot of fun to write the different perspectives. They're both very different and yet the same in how they're so oblivious, so that was neat to play around with.
Well, good, because that's what I was going for as a teenager myself :D "James must have been thicker than concrete" - haha, that's what I've always thought, judging by Harry. So hopefully that didn't seem /too/ out of place.
Thank you :)
Yay! This was my first attempt at a Lily/James, so I was really rather nervous about getting them written the right way. So thank you for relieving me a bit.
That obliviousness of the rest of the world is just something that I thought would happen when you can't keep your eyes off of someone else. Everything else just sort of fades into the background. And the thing with Lily asking - I thought that was a bit risky to put in because it's so different than what usually happens, but that's just how I pictured it. I'm glad you like it that way, too.
Thank you so much for the utterly lovely review ♥ Report Review
cutee!!! loved it :)Author's Response: Thank you :) Report Review
Cute! I loved it! Your writing style is lovely.Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you loved it :D Report Review
Lovely. The words, the writing voice you hold. You are a lovely writer. Good for you, and thank you for sharing this.
LizzieAuthor's Response: Aw, thank you very much. I think that you're lovely too ♥ Report Review
For a first one-shot, you did really well! I mean, I enjoyed it and all. I really like how there's two POV, and it wasn't confusing at all.
I really like how James was being all 'lazy' to Lily's POV, but to Jame he was just being...'observant'. That was pretty cool. Getting to see their views on each other! :D
You should totally write more fluffy little one-shots. Perhaps, a sequel to this one? Where they kiss? ;)
Anywho, great story! Totally enjoyed it!
Slytherin For The House Cup 2012,
Izzy xxAuthor's Response: Thanks! I think I could have made it better, just because I wrote this a while ago, but I felt like putting it up as is.
I had fun with the different POVs. It's something that I've always been interested, you know? It's all in the perspective :D
Yeah, I think I will write some more fluffy one-shots. Perhaps a sequel. We'll see.
Thank you for the lovely review ♥ Report Review
LOL. That is so cute. I love your story. :) Great job. :)Author's Response: Thank you so much :D Report Review
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