Heya! Perelandra here from forums!
Haha, I went from never reading a Susan Bones fic to reading two back to back. XD This is going to be interesting...the rhyming!
As I tell some of the people I review, when I review I do it with two windows open. One with the story and the other with the review box. That way I can stop at a certain point, comment on something whether is something I liked or a mistake and then continue reading.
Your story, however, had me glued to one screen! The rhyming made the story flow so well that I found myself reading out loud only stopping when there was a period or when I had to scroll down to keep reading. The way the story moved, felt and rhymed reminded me of Dr. Seuss' books. It felt very whimsical.
Her characterization was great! I like how her family says she's small and call her a mouse thinking, quite literally, very little of her. The professor made me laugh though! Poor Susan, always getting forgotten despite being in a small classroom.
I've never been a Hufflepuff fan myself and I consider myself a Slytherin to the heart. However, I really enjoyed the way that she defended her 'Puff's honor. She breaks from the typical 'cliche' of a Hufflepuff, stands her ground and manages to convince me that she is every single house but even better: she's kind.
Loved that little detail right there!
The description was amazing even with the rhyming! I have no idea how you managed to do it but kudos to you!!
Thanks for the great read!!
--Rosie Report Review
Holy shnikees!! WYHO, that's amazing!!! Nothing, and I mean NOTHING is harder than writing in rhyme. Brilliant!
This was my favorite:
"It was true that to the eye, Susan wasn't much to see; her frame was unimpressive and her voice was rather meek. She'd always been a bit too small for both her clothes and ears. In fact, when she was young, her mother called her 'Mouse' for years."
As to punctuation, everything looks solid, but I think quotes or maybe italics for : thank goodness for rocks!
But now to the point. Does this story hold up as a story? ABSOLUTELY. "Dealing with the Post war growing pains of the wizarding society," is a good way to describe the picture you've painted here. Change is very hard for any society and with all the prejudice that has has built up in Wizarding Britain over the years, it will take much more than just victory over Voldy to work out the kinks. I thought you brought that across very very well. But there's also that extremely hopeful ending - an apology from a slytherin? Wow. An excellent glimpse of life post Hogwarts.
I also especially liked how you paint Susan - even her family thinks little of her, despite her obvious talents and abilities. Her defense of her house (and herself) was exceptionally well done.
So, the short answer to your question is: Yes.
And the rhyme scheme...Wow, I truly am impressed. Excellent work here!
EldyAuthor's Response: Eldy! Oh boy, here you go again being too kind to me and making me blush. ^.^ Thanks for the rhyming praise - there were definitely some tricky moments as far as making it work. Oddly enough, the bit that you quoted was one of the biggest struggles I had! SO glad it ended up working out, as I was certainly stressing it before! Yay!
Always good to get the all clear on punctuation! Although now that you mention it, I do agree on the 'thank goodness for rocks!' suggestion. Thank you!
Phew! So glad to hear that! I've been really nervous about whether or not the intention of the story came through past the rhymes. I'm really happy you think it does! I think you summed the point of the story up really well, so yay! And I'm glad Susan was likable! Representing my Puffs! ;)
Thank you so much, Eldy, for the wonderful review! It's made me feel a lot better about the story as a whole! ^.^ Report Review
Hello! Remember that person you were emailing on YouTube? The one who said that she read 'Forgettable Me', but not 'Lying Josephine' for fear that she would love it and that it wouldn't be updated in another eighty years? Probably not, but any way, this is she! *people cheer and clap, angsty guy in the back shouts "Who cares?"*
I was reading someone's favs page and saw this and was just like 'Ooh, I remember that author. I'm a gonna go read it.' So I did, and I loved it! Poor Suzy Boone! Ha. See what I did there? See what I... No? Okay.
I loved it because I hate when people go 'Kay, Gryffies are the good guys: brave, friendly, got their hearts in the right place, if occasionally a bit thick or conceited. Claws are the boring nerds. Puffs are dim and far too nice. You never get anywhere being nice. Slytherins, those Snakes, oh, they- they are just pure evil.
'Okay! I have a super original idea! I'll right a fanfic where the Gryffindors are the good guys who sweep in to save the otherwise insignificant and unremarkable masses of Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs from the evil Slytherins! I am just brilliant.'
I remember I was scrolling thru the Next Gen stories and I came across one that had a summary that went something like this: This person is mean, rude, and is never nice to anyone. She is really awful and you should stay away from her if you value your life. Biggest surprise? She's a Gryffindor.
I'm not even gonna explain why that annoyed me.
On to the part where I actually talk about the story. I thought it was really great that Susan stood up the teacher and the Klyde guy. His girlfriend is pooey. So Susan completed the challenge without hurting the dragon, which I think would be important to do if she wants to go into a field that involves helping (emphasis on the help) dragons, not killing them. She definitely showed them all that Hufflepuffs are not people to mess with.
All in all, I loved it and I am favouriting it and PLEASE WRITE MORE. Please?
THE MOST AMAZING-EST (I hate double superlatives) PERSONAGE IN DA WHOLE WIDE WORLD (except for JKR. No one is as amazing as J. K. Rowling.) Report Review
Tanya!! I've been meaning to get around to reading everyone's Task One entries, and I am SO glad I read this one! This truly is brilliant, dear; it's really perfect!
A lot of people (myself included) use the whole 'Susan as a Dragon Keeper' idea, but you went with something TOTALLY different here. It was very original and refreshing and I LOVED it! And not only did you find original ways to incorporate the themes, you also totally made this a 'Hufflepuff Pride' piece as well... reading this made me SO proud to be a 'Puff!!
I absolutely LOVED the rhyming as well; it was just so perfect! And I liked how Susan was compared to a mouse, especially with the 'Even an elephant is scared of a mouse' line! I didn't see any spelling or grammar errors either, everything flowed beautifully, and I really liked how Klyde learned not to judge people just because they're Hufflepuffs!
Amazing piece and definitely one of my favorites! 10/10! Report Review
first let me begin by saying i thought this was a cute story. sometimes i think that the Hufflepuffs are too often forgotten except for cedric...it is most definetly not a popular house in the books.
Second I love the characterization of Susan, she was written really well.
Last but not least I thought the flow of the story was done really well and I would love to read more of your stories.
BTW You did a great job with the rhyming Report Review
I really like your characterization of Susan here. I didn't know what to expect from her, since I remember next to nothing about her from the books. But even with that said, I think you captured that kind of feeling about her: that she was somewhat unremarkable in a lot of ways. Everything points to that, like the professor getting her name wrong, which I thought was sad and funny at the same time. It reminds me of your Josephine character a bit.
I like the setup of your story for including the prompts. I think this was the first Magical Creatures setting for this challenge that I read. I like the theme of protecting the creatures, which implies that it wasn’t supposed to be a class on combat. That alone, made this a fresh plot.
"Although in war she proved potential, they saw her as inconsequential."
I loved this line, and I also loved that you were able to make things rhyme in here. It was almost like you weren't even trying for it, which was really cool! I loved that you were also able to incorporated the theme of Hufflepuff discrimination and the need to prove yourself in this so seamlessly.
I really enjoyed your one-shot! Report Review
Hey Tanya! It's so wonderful to read something of yours! :)
AHH THIS WAS BRILLIANT! I'm just sitting here going... WOAH. I am severely impressed, not only by the epic, epic rhyming, but the way you managed to tell a story through the rhyming, and have such great characters and plot! But first, the rhyming!! Where do I start? I can't even fathom doing something like that, but it's just such a brilliant idea and amazing execution on your part. I found myself reading your story aloud to hear the rhymes! (This would make a fantastic podcast :P)
I also really enjoyed the plot - I definitely think that there are preconceived notions and stereotypes about Hufflepuffs being weak, unintelligent and generally the 'leftovers', but I completely agree with Susan that "I'm all three of your Houses". I haven't heard that before, but it really is a very interesting and great way to put it. I just loved the ending, where Susan goes back and helps Klyde up. That is definitely an action that embodies who Hufflepuffs really are. I also liked Professor Odment, he was a funny guy, but it was also great to see Klyde kinda apologising at the end - it made me dislike him just a little less.
Bruce the dragon was also fantastic, and it was clever of you/on Susan's part for the transforming rocks into birds. The whole plot just flowed really well from the class to the outside experience. This is a really, really clever one-shot. You also incorporated in all the prompts so easily! I enjoyed the plot and characters immensely, but seriously, THE RHYMING! ♥ I have so much admiration for you right now. Not only is it unique - this has to be the first time anyone has ever done it - but... IT'S A STORY THAT RHYMES! Argh, the fact that it rhymes is just so crazy and unbelievable and really, wonderful writing - you are so talented! I really enjoyed this - amazing work! :)
- Charlotte Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection