Hey there! I'm here with your review for the exchange pairing in the CR.
I love stories set in my country! When I read the first few paragraphs and realized where it was taking place, it grew on me instantly. What's funny is that I used to visit the Carpathian Mountains (or Transylvanian Alps) a lot when I was young and now seeing it filled with dragons and wizards in these stories is a lot of fun. Though I'm sure if I suggested dragon searching for our holliday, my boyfriend would take me to see a doctor! :)
Back to this story. I love Neville. He's an amazing character that's grown so much over the course of the story and to see him here, six days before a wedding, HIS wedding, is so.. it makes me feel warm and fluffy on the inside. To see him do things for love and the lenghts he's willing to go to for Hannah, that's lovely.
Luna's as unique as she always was, looking at the bright side of things. I think she's the only person I can think of that would find being chased by a dragon interesting.
I loved the humor you put into Neville's character, I really enjoyed this one shot. Your writting is flawless in grammar and vocabulary (as always) and this, like your other stories, was a pleasure to read!
RalAuthor's Response: Hi there!
Oh I hope you do go dragon hunting one day. You'll be able to tell me if I got the dragon behaviors correct... haha! That is really neat that you've actually been to a place that I've only dreamed of. I've only been to a few mountains in my life. Most of where I live is flat.
Thanks for all the good things you said about this one-shot. I was trying out a few ideas for a future story, as well as entering for the challenge, so I'm glad all that made sense and that you had fun reading it.
:) Report Review
This was a very well-written story! I liked how you incorporated the challenge prompts. Your plot concept and setting was quite good. The way you included the dragon was cool xD
I liked the friendly non-romantic relationship that Luna and Neville shared. Its something that I've hardly come across in fanfiction. You managed to write it nicely though :)
I liked your characterisation of Neville. He seemed very much in character, yet appeared to have grown/developed.
Al in all, a great writing piece!
(AditiDraco95)Author's Response: Hi there!
I'm glad you liked the concept of this. I tried to use some of the ideas I had bouncing around in my head for a Luna story. Though she's a secondary character here, there's a lot of background I have to make decisions on before I can get started on that one, so I played around a bit. I'm also pleased you liked the Luna and Neville friendship. Not everything has to be romantic. If we all lived like that, think of all the unnecessary angst! I had fun writing a more mature Neville while still trying to keep him intrinsically the same.
Thanks so much for your review! Report Review
It's Roots in Water here with your review! I'm sorry for the long delay in giving it to you. Unfortunatley, I've been really busy.
I think that you have a very good idea here; the plot is interesting and original. Poor Neville never seems to have the best of luck, does he? I really liked your characterization of Neville. He still had elements of his self-deprecating humour and he summoned his Gryffindor courage when it was most necessary (of course it wouldn't come out for anything less). I also found his comments and worries about his wedding with Hannah very amusing, accurate and believable as they were. I do hope that he finds the perfect spot for his honeymoon.
Though your characterization of Neville was fantastic, I found your characterization of Luna a little rough. Though her love for strange creatures was definitely present, I didn't think that she spoke with the proper air of mystery. In the books her comments tended to be insightful and slightly random- they never quite fit squarely into the conversation. Even though she's grown here, I think that elements of the tendency would still remain.
As I mentioned above, you have a very interesting plot here and I think that you have a lot of room to expand it. My first thought wouldn't necessarily be to expand the plot beyond what you have here but rather to explore and delve deeper into the plot points you already have. Perhaps you could have (comedic) scenes where Neville is with Hannah and they're planning their wedding... Perhaps you could show his meeting with Charlie and Luna before he went on the expedition to see the cottage.
As well, I think that you could (and should) definitely expand on the theft of dragons' eggs, especially if you're planning on turning this story into more of a mystery than action. Perhaps Neville could stumble and blunder his way into the middle of the case and somehow solve it, just like he did in this chapter with his discovery of the hidden cache of dragon eggs.
I think that your story would become just that much better (not that it's not good already, just to be clear) if you expand on the scenes you've already written. Describe more of the scenery, explore more of Neville's reasoning for being at the scene and his reasoning for his actions. I think that adding more detail to the story would also help with the flow of the story as it will give slightly more depth to the story.
However, just to be clear, I think that you have an excellent base for a story. Your characterization and plot are both interesting and largely well done. You've given yourself a lot of room to expand your story from.
All in all, your story is off to a great start and I'd be very curious to see just how you expand it. Thanks for requesting and I hope that I delivered on the "Extreme Makeover version of CC". :DAuthor's Response:
Extreme Makeover CC!!
I love it! Thanks so much for taking the time to dig into what I've done with this one-shot. Some of your ideas have been bouncing around in my head. Now all I need to do is pick a direction.
I AM having a hard time with Luna. Occasionally, I'll get some ideas, but nothing has really worked out to my satisfaction yet. Maybe the muse needs to chew more cud before we can step out on a ledge with that one. Your words regarding her characterization helped a lot. I will definitely keep the "air of mystery" and "never quite fit into the conversation" ideas in mind next time I try her.
I really had a difficult time with the word count limit when I wrote this for the challenge. The plot kept expanding out of control and I had to tear it back down to get anything cohesive to fit. That said, I do have a lot of material in my head to work with for this, but as I said before, there's that choosing the direction thing.
Thanks so much for your comments. They were Extremely helpful!! Report Review
Hello! Popped over from the Common Room.
Great job! I think you did really well with showing Neville's fear without overpalying it. I like how he has to think on the spot because all his plans fail. Great job!
KEEP WRITING :D
Shay_GryffAuthor's Response: Hi!
Thanks so much for the review! I thought this turned out pretty well for the short time we all had to finish the challenge.
Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.
First off, I apologize profusely for not getting a chance to read and review this before they were due for Task 1. I wanted to read them all and I only made it about halfway through. And I'm very sorry I didn't make it to yours because it was brilliant. Of all of the entries I read, this one felt the least like it was written just for a challenge. There was nothing forced or awkward about it. It could just as easily have been a one-shot that you wrote for fun.
I thought you completely nailed Neville's character. The way that he responds to mortal peril, his thought process on his relationship with Hannah, leaving the task of finding a spot for their honeymoon until the last minute... all perfect Neville. I was particularly fond of his epiphany about how he's better at making spur-of-the-moment decisions than planning things in advance.
You did a good job with Luna, as well, although probably not quite as good as you did with Neville. She's very hard to write. I have a terrible time trying to come up with the sort of pithy, blunt declarations that she's known for. I really can't recommend anything specific that I'd do differently, which I guess makes me kind of a bad reviewer for pointing it out at all. Luna is like love and abstract art: you just know it when you see it.
The crowning touch of your story is that you came up with a really engaging, interesting and plausible plot that doesn't sound like it was fabricated specifically to put Neville, his wand, five breed of dragons and a Blast-Ended Skrewt all together in the same place at the same time. In fact, you left out the more awkward prompts entirely, which I admire a great deal. No sense being a completist about it if it makes for a bad story.
Poor Neville. It's never wise to ask Luna where to take a vacation, and only slightly more wise to ask Charlie. In either case, you're going to wind up somewhere far from civilization and very possibly dangerous. Fishing. I could totally see Neville fishing, although I think he'd feel badly for the fish. His courage in the face of a strong possibility of being barbecued and eaten by a giant, scaly monster was very well-written. All of his thoughts and motivations flowed perfectly.
For something written in a hurry, this was flawless. No typos or grammatical problems that I could find. The story was short, obviously, and it flowed nicely. Your descriptions were great and it was easy to visualize all of the action.
Again, sorry for not getting to this earlier. It was terrific! Go, Gryffindor!Author's Response:
"Fishing. I could totally see Neville fishing, although I think he'd feel badly for the fish."
THAT was funny! Thanks so much for reviewing my one-shot. I was nervous about writing Neville. I'd never thought much about him before, so I didn't really have a good grasp on what he'd be like. Like him, I had to improvise. And apparently, that was the push we both needed to get it done. ;)
Re-reading it, I feel like the prose is rushed and there weren't enough in-depth character moments. But that's what happens when the plot wants to expand beyond the scope of the story. After running this thing through no less than three betas, I finally had it under the word count limit. (Jchrissy chopped off the last 200+ words for me, which was tough for both of us, especially since we were only hours away from the deadline.)
I'm glad you found the plot engaging. If I had an extra week and about a thousand more words, I could have used all the prompts (never did find a use for that Skrewt!).
I agree about Luna. "Like love and abstract art" is a perfect way to describe it. There just wasn't enough time (or words) to make her complete. I was sad, because this piece was supposed to be an experiment for a Luna concept I've been playing around with in my head. In essence, it wasn't written "just" for a challenge. Linking it to a potential idea was a bonus.
It's clear that Neville's not going to rent that cottage. I doubt he's going to end up at that Spa Resort either. Decisions, decisions...
Again, thanks so much for your flattering review (flawless and brilliant... like cubic zirconia, right?). I am smiling! Report Review
This really IS interesting. Loved it from the beginning to the end :) Job well done *hugs*Author's Response: Thanks so much! I had a great time with ti. I only wish I had MORE time to fit in all the prompts, but I sacrificed them for story so I wouldn't look back on it and cringe later. :)
So glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
Oh this story really did make me laugh especially with Neville getting stresed about trying to evade the dragons and Luna not getting stressed about it at all!
I also love the special twist about the whole dragon egg smuggling thing and also linking it back to the whole bit about the dying dragon population! I thought that was very clever!
Well done with this!Author's Response: I loved writing Neville and Luna together in this. I'm glad you liked my plot! It was difficult, trying to come up with something that made sense and was interesting at the same time.
So glad you enjoyed it!
Neville should never plan a Honeymoon again, ever. Ever. Ever. Nor get Luna to assist him with any kind of planning. hahaha.
Okay, you gave me action, adventure, imagery, and tons of laughter. What could be better???
I love the way you incorporated Luna, it was a very realistic reason for her to be working with Charlie. Although, I couldn't help myself wanting to ship them a tiny bit. I do think there might be a significant age difference. Boo.
Anyway, you know I loved this. Only Luna could get them into that situation, and only Neville could be so terrified that he nearly seemed annoyed instead. I feel like he's reached a place where he's decided he's going to go out fighting and follow his instincts, which proved very beneficial to him in this instance!
You found a very creative way to include the pormpts without it seeming forced, which seems to be a bit of an issue I'm finding. Everything is natural, and part of the story. It's great!
You also managed to add in a twist with Mr. Shifty Eyed man. You made an entire story out of this task instead of just turning prompts into paragraphs.
You're an amazing writer, m'dear!
JamiAuthor's Response: Hi there!
I hoped that some of this was funny, but I can never be sure. Some things that make me laugh out loud are mere eye rolls to other people. :)
I love Luna. I've been working on a story concept for her and decided to use this as a character bridge. It also involves Charlie and dragons, which I'd have to research sometime anyway, so I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone and try things out. And about the age difference: as adults (and after a little life experience), people are people. Five to seven years is really negligible. Not that I was shipping them or anything... :P
Prompts are tricky. I really tried to include them all, but I sacrificed points for story. I would have needed at least another 500-1000 words to get it all in there and make story-sense. *shrug* Glad you liked the twist! It took me a few tries, but I think I got the plot to work.
You flatter me with your compliments! Everybody has done an outstanding job with this challenge. Thanks so much for leaving a review, and thanks bunches for helping me to trim the last two hundred words away!
pix Report Review
Great fic, really enjoyable. One note thought you mentioned his wand was a dragon feather core instead of phoenix feather. might want to fix that up quickly. Otherwise top notch.Author's Response: Thanks for the catch! Got it! Report Review
Hello there, fellow Gryffindor! There was plenty of great action in this one-shot. I really like that you had Luna there to share the adventure with Neville, but that it wasn't anything romantic and he was engaged to Hannah, whom I can really tell that he loves and wants to impress with a planned honeymoon. I like reading about Neville/Luna friendship fics. They're such a great team. ^ ^
I also like Neville's thoughts about how all of his best decisions had been made on impulse, not planned, like when he fell in love with Hannah and when he destroyed Nagini. My absolute favorite part was the 'Accio Courage'. LOVED that.
Neville's a Gryffindor through and through. :)
Awesome one-shot!Author's Response: Hi!
Thanks so much for the review! I thought I'd challenge myself a bit more by making it an action fic, and then try to do something meaningful with it too... I can't back out of a challenge!
When I re-read "Accio courage" after writing it, I knew it had to stay!
Thanks again for stopping by!
pix Report Review
Really enjoyed your take on how Neville's bravery stemmed from impulsive moments--good job!!Author's Response: Thanks so much! Report Review
This is awesome! I seriously love your setup and the inclusion of the dragon is excellent! You've created a completely new scenario that is really interesting and I love the interaction between Luna and Neville - it's perfectly friendly and light as well as greatly adding to the plot.
I also thought your point about Neville's greatest achievements all being based on impulse was very valid. I've never really thought about it before, but it's totally true.
This was a brilliantly written and thoughtfully executed piece and I love it! GO GRYFFINDOR!Author's Response:
Neville is an everyman's hero. He stepped up when it counted the most. I'm glad that came across to you. And I love Luna, so I had to include her somewhere too.
Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
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