I chose this story for several reasons. First, you're a prefect and you were online, and I'm participating in a Gryffindor game that requires reviewing a prefect. :P Secondly, it was a one-shot. Thirdly, it was relatively short. Then two more reasons clinched it. This was your 50th story posted, which makes my jaw drop in total awe. Also, it was from the House Cup. I read a bunch of these over the summer . . . mostly Ravenclaw, I guess. Anyway, I always do like to support the House Cup stuff. ;-)
Well, that was chatter and not real reviewing. On to the story! I thought you did an excellent job of incorporating all the prompts! A lot of them were kind of tricky to work in (which was on purpose :P ), and a lot of people struggled. Some, however, did it quite smoothly, and you were definitely one of those. The paragraph with the wand information did seem a little choppy or out of flow with the rest of the chapter, but overall you did great.
I also was touched by Susan's growth or at least courage during the battle. Of course, that was a theme of the task, if I'm not mistaken, because I remember it coming up in a lot of the stories I read. However, it seemed rather convincing, rather than cheesy.
I also enjoyed how you kept tucking canon characters into the chapter. Those mentions are nice in fanfiction, because they serve as a reference point of sorts, at least for me.
Anyway, I enjoyed this story. I would have found it well-written either way, but the fact that you met the prompts so well (and that it was your 50th) makes it all the more impressive. :-)Author's Response: AH!! Thanks so much for that, Alo! I really can't tell you how much that all meant to me.
Thanks SO much for stopping by! I'm glad this story caught your attention!! And then I'm glad that you found it fairly smooth. It really was pretty difficult to get it all worked in, and eh, I figured there was no way I could get it ALL in there without it being a little rough. :P But thank you! Really, that does settle some nerves I had about it.
I'm really glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for mentioning the things you did! Such as the canon characters. I find it kind of hard to predict just what everyone else would have been doing during the battle, so input like yours is great and inspiring to hear!
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! :D Report Review
Hello there dear!
This was such a lovely story about facing your fears and doing what's right in the face of danger.
I liked how you pictured this battle that goes on inside of Susan at the same time with the Battle of Hogwarts. She is torn between running for safety and staying behind to fight with her friends, which is something so true. We have all these characters in the series, like Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Ginny who just jump up at the chance to go into a war and fight. But they knew it was a long time coming. They did it before. But for the innocent bystander, you get woken up in the middle of the night with the Dark army knocking on your bedroom door. Well, the first instinct is to run and hide! So I loved how real this character was!
The resolution she reached after finding out her friend was gone made my hair stand up and it was such a powerful moment! Good job!
I liked the style in which this was written and the spelling and grammar were very good! Congratulations on 50 stories! :)
RalAuthor's Response: Ah thank you so much for the review! I'm glad that you enjoyed it!!
Thanks so much for your input. I'm glad you found it believable.
Thanks so much for the review again, Ral! :) Report Review
I really loved this. When I first read the prompts, I had no idea how you were going to get them all in but you did it and it didn't seem forced.
I just spotted the one little mistake:
"she began welcoming them bravery as they approached her"
I assume that was meant to be bravely.
I really love the voice you gave her, she was real and honest. I always love reading things like this because war isn't all about heroic acts. I love the little moment between Zach and Susan. It really shows a distinction between the two sides for me, it is unlikely that a deatheater would have stopped and helped a fellow deatheater into the fight in that way. It just emphasises, for me, the difference between good and evil within the story.
Your first sentence immediately hooked me in and your writing and pace didn't falter the whole way through the story.
I am really glad I got to read this! Have a nice day :)
Emma Report Review
I enjoyed reading about this tale of a scared little girl who turned into a brave young woman, ready to take on the world one fire breath at a time. Great writing!!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so glad to hear that you enjoyed it! Thanks so much for taking the time to share! :) Report Review
This is great, Drue! I love how you interpreted and made use of the prompts, making the dragon into fiendfyre rather than a real flesh-and-blood creature (but no less deadly, of course), and you weaved in all the details naturally (which was something I had trouble with, which is why it stands out to me :P).
The plot itself, however, is the best part. Susan's whereabouts during the battle remains a mystery, and you've done a wonderful job at filling in that gap. Her story is at once heart-wrenching and heart-warming because, through her loss, she's able to push on and fight back against her fears. It's sad that she thinks herself a coward - she's caught up in something way beyond her understanding. She's a scared seventeen year-old - she wasn't raised into this like Harry (and even he was scared at times). You make her sound very real and sympathetic. What stood out most to me at the beginning was the honesty and sincerity of Susan's narration. Those first paragraphs of the story are amazing - they captured my attention right away - and you closed off with an equally well-written finale.
Excellent work with this story! Not that I'm surprised, because you're one of the best action scene writers on the site. But what you've done with Susan's portrayal is fantastic - enough to make any Hufflepuff proud. ^_^Author's Response: Oh my goodness, Susan! You are SUCH a sweetheart! Thank you SO much for this review! I can't tell you how much it means to me. To hear this from you, really makes my day.
You know that you're one of my idols on this site, so it always makes me so happy to hear your opinion.
I'm so glad you enjoyed it! And thanks so much for taking the time to review! You're amazing, hun. Report Review
I like it. This task is proving Susan can be a really fantastic character if given a moment to shine. All of the Hufflepuff entries I've read so far have been just brilliant. Good stuff, keep it up.
Also there were one or two minor spelling/grammer things need a little tweak. Might be worth giving it a once over before the deadline. Report Review
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