I love the ending. I absolutely love it :D That is so her! You really got it right Liz *hugs*
What I really like in this story is the way you've used the prompts. It's very sneakily done. I didn't feel like I'm reading a story full of prompts, but rather a really good story with a lot of expressions. I'm really fed up of reading stories with all the prompts rammed in carelessly so this is great Liz :D
I didn't find any mistakes so go you! I love your choice of words, your characterization (You've hit home there) and plot. The flow is lovely, it went smoothly.
All in all, a job very well done.
*hugs*Author's Response: Aww thanks Ashi. I'm glad you liked it. Fitting in all the prompts was definitely a challenge, especially since some of the prompts were pretty out there. After an edit or two though it looks like I've got it :).
Thanks again for for this really nice review :)
Hello - just wanted to say well done on your house cup entry! I thought you did really well to include all the prompts so seamlessly, and I loved the way you drew a parallel between the way Cho's subconscious picked Cedric's dragon and Hary's method to highlight her conflicted feelings. Good job!Author's Response: Thanks for the review :) I'm glad that you liked it Report Review
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums. :] Great job with your challenge entry! I went with a dream sequence too! Yours was quite different from mine though. I liked that you went with what's definitely canon. It was easy for me to imagine this situation taking place. And I liked how you characterized Cho. Most of the prompts really flowed with the story. Overall, this was really well done. I liked it quite a bit. :] 'Claws for the Cup, right? :D Great work.
--EmilyAuthor's Response: Hi Emily :)
I'm glad that you liked how I did the challenge. I figured that it was sort of important (to me at least) to keep things strictly cannon so that I could show Cho acurately. After all this was supposed to show Cho in a good light, and what would I be saying if I had to change cannon to make her likable :p.
Anyway thanks for the review
-Liz Report Review
This was really great. I really liked it - to be honest, you aren't the first person having Cho relive the first dragons task, but the way you wrote it made it really engaging - especially the ending. I loved the realisation at the end of Cedric or Harry (and how she had used both to achieve happiness). That bit was especially well-written, though the whole of it was very good. The way you incorporated all the prompts also felt quite effortless. Ooh I also liked how the dream ended on a good note - with Cho as Champion, but then she started to think about the underlying meaning.
I thought I might as well point out some possible things that might make it sound better:
"Her heart beat rabidly in her chest (COMMA) threatening to burst at any time. The breath that wisped into her lungs was cold (COMMA) sending chills down her spine."
Without the commas I think it doesn't sound quite right - try reading the story and seeing where you pause in the sentence? Of course, these are just suggestions, and maybe even just slight preference on my part. :)
Also: Sneak Scopes should be Sneakoscopes.
I really enjoyed this, especially the ending - the realisation and conflict really came through well. Nicely written! :)
- MMAuthor's Response: Hi thanks for the review :)
So I'm glad that you liked my entry. I sort of knew going into this that there would be a lot of people who were going with a reliving of the dragon task. The prompts sort of leant themselves to a story that revolved around that task. I figured though that maybe I would make mine a bit different (to an extent) by giving the entire thing this underlying Cedric or Harry thing.
I've been told that I had some comma/spelling issues in this story. I never got it beta'd, and then it went up in such a short time that I guess it wasn't edited as much as it could've been. I'll go back and fix those little things soonish.
Anyway thanks again for the review :)
-Liz Report Review
I think I noticed a typo. I believe retched should be wretched. There were also some issues with comma usage. However, I'm not here to dwell on that!
So I guess it's time for me to actually talk about the story, hm? I've read a few stories now where Cho has some really strong moments, which is nice to read. Of course, other authors (such as yourself) are going much more down the vulnerable-Cho route. I thought you did that well, with a vivid dream which is encroaching on her waking life too. Also, she's still anxious in her dream, uncertain of her strengths, although she overcomes this.
Nice job.Author's Response: Thanks for the review :)
I'm glad you liked my entry. A few other reviewers have pointed out a few typos and comma things. I suppose its a direct result of my not getting a beta, and it going up in such a short amount of time. I'll fix those when I get the chance though.
As for the story I wanted to show Cho in a moment of stregnth, and show her having some underlying worries, and, from your review, it looks like I did achieve that :)
Anywho thanks again for dropping by
-Liz Report Review
Itís kind of bittersweet reading this story where Cho is struggling with her affinity for both boys, knowing the ending of it all. I like how you presented her subconscious as wishing to have a happy medium by choosing both boys though that is, of course, not possible.
I liked the way you wrote the action scene as I could easily follow it. Your description of what itís like to be under the Imperius curse was also something I liked about this. A good submission!
xCharAuthor's Response: Thanks a bunch for the review :) I'm glad you liked what I wrote for the challenge. Report Review
The way that Cho shares strengths with each Cedric and Harry is interesting to think about. I like that she seems to want to relate to each of them but really she's just doing what's natural to her, playing to her own strengths and sort of mentally making them into the things that Cedric and Harry did. To me, somewhat paradoxically, this suggests healing--that she's her own person, but that she's not ready to accept this yet, somehow.
I'm not sure that the ending does her complete justice, especially in light of this subtle strength and self-awareness that you've revealed in earlier paragraphs. I would think that she'd come to some conclusion that she needed to move on, that choosing wasn't something she needed to do. But I guess there are a lot of different ways to be strong and to present a character: I guess this story relies on our understanding of canon, knowing that she won't be able to choose either of them, and that gives another layer of meaning to the last line...she won't have to choose, since she won't be with either of them.
I thought the only thing that was a bit strange or seeming forced about the prompts was the bit about the dragon's blood, but to be honest that one seems the strangest prompt and anyway, I think you did a good job with this! I'd just look it over for some spelling errors and typos one more time ;)Author's Response: Hi!!!
So thanks for popping by. The thing that I was going for with the dream was that in order to become the champion she had to combine both Harry and Cedric therefore she had been using both to acheive happiness. Then when she was awake she sort of realized that she had to choose between the two. Then of course you spotted the irony with the fact that she'd get to choose neither because Cedric dies and then she sort of falls out with Harry.
As for the dragon blood prompt I've since gone back and editted it, so that its a bit smoother into the transition.
Any who thanks for the review, I'll be editing this in the future to hopefully make it better. :)
Hope to see you around the forums
Here to review your task one entry!! I just said this to Aphoride, but it's amazing how different all of our entries are despite the common theme of dreaming and battling dragons!! I'm so very proud of our house. I think my favorite bit about this one-shot was the way you seemed to give Cho a concious awareness even while dreaming. She /knows/ she's dreaming as it plays out. I did spot several missed commas and one or two typos (at one place you have shot snout instead of short snould... fifth dragon bree?? ;) but with a good read over and edit this is a good piece of writing!! I think you worked the prompts in fairly well!! (the dragon blood one seemed a bit random in context of the moment) but she is dreaming and dreams don't always (if ever) make sense.
All in all, very well done!! W.W.W.W.W!!
MelissaAuthor's Response: Hi thanks for reviewing :)
So I knew that this one shot was slightly rough when I put it into the queue. I usually spend about a week editing before anything gets submitted, but I didn't have a week this time and I wanted to get it in a.s.a.p. I'll probably try and get someone to quick beta this from the common room today at some point.
As for the dragon blood the point I was trying to make was that she saw the blood and immediately her brain subconciously started listing off fun facts about it because that's sort of the way her brain (as a ravenclaw would work) Then I was trying to show her having a 'I need to focus moment'
I'll go back and clear that up right now
Anyway thanks again for the reveiw and GO RAVENCLAW!!!
-Liz Report Review
A very nice one there too. Some really great fics coming out of this challenge. Loving all of them. I really enjoyed this one. made Cho seem so solid, so likeable, something I've nto thought of her before. Great work.Author's Response: Thanks for the reveiw :) I'm glad that you liked it Report Review
This is a great one-shot! You did well in fitting so many prompts in and they all seemed to have a place in the story (maybe except the dragon blood part but I do think you explaind it well when you described it as a thought she really should not be having at that moment).
I liked the fact that you chose to have most of the story be a meaningful dream of Cho's, it was a very interesting choice. Also, as much as I enjoyed reading those dream parts, I think the imagery is best when you wrote Cho's feelings of being awake in the middle of the night in the dormitory- these parts were fantastic.Author's Response: Thanks for the review :) I know that this story could probably use a little work. It's a miracle that I got this done today, and its a little rough still. All the same I'm glad you think I did a good job fitting in all the prompts. I figured that if I was going to write this I wanted to get as many points as possible. As for the imagery I would like to think that I can write a pretty good description if I try hard enough :P
Anyway thanks again for stopping by
-BW24 Report Review
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