Wow. This keeps happening to me- I'm trying to find stories that I can review relatively quickly for the 2nd task, and I keep coming across AMAZING stories that really beg for a long gushy review!
This was incredible. The way you employed all of those prompts was seamless and subtle- exactly the way it should be. I particularly liked the way you mentioned the uses of dragon's blood, as that seemed very realistic in terms of the way one copes with shock, in a terrifying situation. And Neville certainly is in shock- the way he just keeps walking when Parvati is killed (which, by the way, was stunning and brilliantly written), the way he focuses on the strange silence. You've just written that numbness so perfectly.
I loved this whole story but here are a few bits I particularly loved: I really enjoyed the hint at bitterness towards Harry, I loved the way Neville has tried to live up to his father's wand, your characterization of McGonagall, his admiration for Hagrid.
You have fit so much into such a small word count, and done so without it seeming forced or unnatural. You've genuinely done Gryffindor proud with this story! So glad I stumbled across it- 10/10. Yet another one I'm adding to my favourites today!
~House Cup 2012 Task Two~Author's Response: Hello :)
Awh - thank you very much. Ah, I'm so glad that it came across well - Neville IS in a state of shock; they never expected their home to go up in flames.
This is just - thank you so much for such a lovely review. It really made my day!
Keira :) Report Review
Wow. How you worked in the properties of Neville's wand is fantastic. Good at defensive spells. Oh, how I wish he didn't have to find out just how good it was in the way that he, and so many others, did. In that one little line, you really captured just how much impact the war has had on Neville, and his peers.
'It was a pity he didn't trust the rest of us.' - this line. Oh my gosh.
I am speechless. Parvati? I'm honestly tearing up right now. How you described her falling is so simple, and yet so powerful. Everything is rushed in Neville's mind, as I'd imagine everyone's would be at this point in the battle, and you really capture that.
Wow. You did fantastically with the prompts given and just the manner in which you wrote this. Neville is amazing here, and you show us a completely other side of him. Great job.
HufflepuffAuthor's Response: Hello!
Oh, thank you very much for reading and reviewing my one-shot! I really wanted Neville to appear detached from the battle going around him - at the end of the day, they are still students and it is his classmates who were dying.
Your review really made my day and I'm so sorry for the late reply! Thank you again, Keira :) Report Review
Aw, this was beautiful. I liked the way Neville knew exactly what was going on despite the fact that he couldn't hear. I would have been so freaked out. I also liked how you characterized Neville because he really did seem very brave, and that's exactly why he was chosen into Gryffindor. You showed how he grew up only from this small One-Shot and I thought you did a really good job(:
-AmandaAuthor's Response: Hello :)
Awh - thank you very much. My aim was to show that Neville was slightly detached from his surroundings and the idea of 'the bells' came from nowhere! I'm really glad you enjoyed this and thank you for leaving such a lovely review! :)
Keira :) Report Review
A fellow Gryffie, reporting for duty!
This was a great little story, I liked the original way you did the war- not focusing on the fighting, but rather the loss. The line at the end was really powerful, and I absolutely adored it: 'The bells were ringing and this was war.'
Another fantastic entry from us Gryffies! :)Author's Response: Jenny! :D
Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! I really like that perspective 'not focusing on the fighting, but rather the loss' - I've not really thought of it like that. :)
Keira :) Report Review
I really liked this!
Just super fast, I did notice a couple typos:
"I stumbled towars her" should be towards
"Harry seemed more fearful dancing, then when he fought the Hungarian Horntail." should be than
Okay, aside from that, I loved this. The present flowed into the past really well, for one thing, and the emotions in both times were lovely. I especially loved that last bit, when he was listing things to keep himself sane-clever way to get the dragon's blood in there as well :P
Your descriptions in this were so raw and powerful. I loved the first paragraphs in particular. It was a really accurate and harsh portrayal of the Battle of Hogwarts and how Neville has changed. I like how Neville's thoughts weren't entirely linear - he had some random thoughts and questions in there which made it much more realistic, as our minds do tend to wander even in a terrifying situation.
I absolutely loved the last line. It gave me chills. You're an excellent writer and that came through perfectly in this one shot. Great job!
-NaidaAuthor's Response: Hi Naida :)
Ooh - thank you for spotting them! I'll go fix them right now! I don't quite now how to fully respond to such a lovely review! I don't really know why I decided to write about the Final Battle - but I'm glad a got to explore it!
Oh, I'm so glad that came across! I really wanted Neville to appear detached to the battle - almost like he didn't believe it was real. Just thank you so much for reading and reviewing! It really made my day! :)
Keira :) Report Review
This is so... amazing!
I love what you decided to do with your task entry and I think your title is so fitting and entrawling because ringing bells is repeated and so significant within this. I also love the fact you've found something completely new to explore with it still being in canon and completely plausible which is brilliant!
Well done on thisAuthor's Response: Summer!
Awh, thank you very much! 'The Ringing Bells' literally came from nowhere - but I think that's one of the best bits about writing, the unpredictability!
Thank you very much for leaving such a lovely review! Keira :) Report Review
Hi my dear! Reading entries for our house!
I think you chose a very good time in Neville's life to write about, and you did a great job capturing his sense of defeat with a stein underlying need to keep trying, he knew he would give his life up to this cause if need be, and you really pulled that through in this.
I do think it included your listed prompts, so good job on getting those all in :)!
I like the way you had Neville almost thinking about everything else but what was really happening. It worked we for his character.
JamiAuthor's Response: Hey Jami,
Thank you very much - I'm not really sure why I decided to write about the Final Battle for the House Cup, but it seems fitting!
I'm really glad this came across well - I really wanted it to be clear that Neville was slightly detached from what he was experiencing.
Thanks for reading and reviewing! Keira :) Report Review
I don't know how you used all the prompts!! I only used 6 :( Well done Keira :) I enjoyed reading it. We'll see how it goes :DAuthor's Response: Hi Ashi! :)
Awh, thank you very much for reading and reviewing! Yours was great as well! :) Report Review
Hey there! I really do have a soft spot for battle stories, action scenes and everything alike so when I discovered what your entry was about I squealed!
A very well written piece you managed. What I love most about it is how you described everything from Neville's point of view. Even though it was clear that the events around Neville were unfolding at quite the speed, he felt everything was going in slow motion. I guess that does happen when you fight in a war and you're about to die at any moment. Awesome!Author's Response: Hello!
Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! I'm so glad that this came across well - in my mind Neville was slightly detached to what was happening around him. After all, he may have expected a battle - but I really doubt he thought it would take place at Hogwarts with his classmates around him.
Thanks for leaving a lovely review, Keira :) Report Review
Hi! I'm trying to read and review all of the House Cup submissions of our illustrious house and see whether I can help. I really like your entry, It was well-written and covers a very intense, captivating moment in Neville's life.
I believe that all of your prompts are in order, and you did a nice job with them. Nothing really felt gratuitous or out of place.
I did notice one thing: It was Colin Creevey who was killed in the battle, not Dennis. That was the only typo or error I saw in your story.
I loved the idea of the bells ringing in Neville's ears. It's very believable in the context of the battle with violent curses being cast all around, and it also isolates Neville with his own thoughts, to an extent.
Overall, a lovely piece. You represent us all well!
Gryffindor!Author's Response: Hello! :)
Awh - thank you :) I'm planning on reviewing all as well.. though my time seems to keep disappearing! :S
Ah! I've edited it now (and added a couple extra bits). Thanks so much for leaving a lovely review! Go Gryffindor! xD Report Review
"...just that little too large; too big for someone like me. Now, amongst the vicious battle at my safe school, it seemed too small to fight in such a war." My favorite quote. You write beautifully, and I have to say this is one of the best Neville stories I've read. Well done!Author's Response: Woah. Thank you so much! It was really kind of you to leave such a lovely review! Keira :) Report Review
Hey there! This is DarkRose from the forums. I'm reading all the entries for the first task. :D This was terrific! Absolutely wonderful. I loved it. Your writing style is so pristine, so dramatic. It shook me, in a way. It really cuts deep, the way you describe everything that's going on. Your emphasis on the ringing was beautiful. What an effect something like that has. It seems meaningless, but you gave it meaning. Truly impressive. This is one of the shorter entries I've read, so I wasn't sure if you would have the time to work in many of the prompts, but I was pleasantly surprised. Not only did you work them in, but you didn't do it in a disjointed way. I really liked how you handled it. The only part of the story that seemed bogged down was the mentioning of the champions and their dragons, but I totally understand the need for that in a story that's got so many requirements to meet. Terrific job with your characterization of Neville. Great job with the prompts. I think you did wonderfully. :D Good luck to Gryffindor in the House Cup!
--EmilyAuthor's Response: Hey!
Ah - that's great! I'm trying to as well but my time keeps disappearing! :( Oh! Thank you so so much!That's just... this has really made my day!
I agree about the Dragon part - I've re-edited the chapter (it's in the queue now) so hopefully it'll flow a little better. :) Thanks so much fore reviewing and good luck with reviewing all the others! :)
Keira xD Report Review
This was quite beautiful and sad. I really felt Neville's pain. You did a great job of incorporating the prompts, and I LOVED the title. It was a great symbol/metaphor/I'm not sure what to call it, and the ending tied everything together really well. There were a couple of mispellings and grammatical errors, but I'm sure a quick read through on your part could correct them. Awesome job and go Gryffindor!Author's Response: Hello :)
Aw - thank you! I've just gone through and have done a re-edit to fix the errors and add a bit more text - so thank you for pointing them out! :) I'm planning on going through all the other entries as soon as I have a spare second :) Keira xD Report Review
Excellent perspective. Like Neville in this, shellshocked most likely, poor guy. Really good work at slipping so many prompts in there too. They all seemed to mesh fairly well. Looks like Gryffindor has some excellent entries.Author's Response: Hello :)
Oh, thank you very much! I really want to review all the other entries - so I can't wait to read your as well! :) Keira xD Report Review
I loved all the little details that you put into this story. Even though it was so short, I really felt I was able to feel what was going on with Neville. I am in awe that so many of our Gryffindor writers were able to put so many prompts into their stories without it feeling over crowded.
This was a really great entry. Great job.Author's Response: Hello :)
Thank you! Same! I've only read a couple so far, but they really are brilliant. Thanks for reviewing! :) Report Review
This was a great little glimpse into Neville's thoughts during the Battle! I think you fitted in the prompts very well, especially the idea of Neville changing and growing into the hero that he becomes!
I thought you were really good at raising suspense and tension too with your writing style, and it was very coherent and flowed well!
Great work!Author's Response: Hello Erised :)
Ah! Thank you so much! It was really kind of you to leave such a lovely review and I'll hopefully get to review your entry soon! As soon as I get a spare second! :)
Thanks again, Keira xD Report Review
This was really well written! Well done Keira! I loved the emotion and the amazing level of description you put into this piece! It was like I could see it happening right before my eyes.
Really beautifully written! :) :)
~CaliAuthor's Response: Hello :)
Oh! Thank you so much for such a lovely review! I've only read a couple of the other entries, but I'm hoping to review all the other entries as soon as I can! :)
Thanks again! Keira :) Report Review
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