Reading Reviews for Working Parts
  
9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Secret Cupid Wrong Side of the Door

15th February 2016:
The description of the disillusionment charm as flickering is actually genius. I never thought of it like that but it makes sense.

And hiding them at a bank is pretty smart as well.

And Andrew Spinnet? As in Alicia Spinnetís son? If he is, thatís makes me more excited since then Lily and him technically have a connection.

Oh and Lily left home! I wonder what happened, though Iím sure Andrew doesnít really care (maybe a bit curious?)Ö he probably just wants to get out of vault, which makes sense given his situation.

I really like how quick Lily was to catch that Andrew is tense around magic. I canít really blame him. If I was a Muggle I would be terrified. Magic is so powerful and knowing that someone can control you or do anything to you with a flick from a wooden stick is pretty scary.

My favorite part has to be the end where Lily tries to open up to him to get him to talk to her and then out of nowhere admits sheís got a plan.

I really hope the plan goes well and their captors donít find out. Though, nothing ever does go according to plans but Iím sure theyíll manage. Who knows, maybe theyíll see a couple goblins on their way. Can you imagine Andrew around a goblinÖ I wonder if heíll faint. If I was nonmagical, I definitely would.

Anyway Happy Valentineís Day! I had a lovely time reading this and if you do ever choose to continue writing this story, I would be interesting in seeing where the story goes with Lily and Andrew!

Author's Response: Thanks for coming back! I'm glad you like the bank idea-- I honestly can't remember why I chose that, but I remember being pleased with the decision to put them there...

And yeah, I'm picturing Andrew as Alicia Spinnet's son. I don't think that intended to be anything more than an easy explanation and reminder for why he knows a small amount about magic; I figured readers might appreciate a familiar name.

I think I definitely tried to put a lot of thought into how Andrew was going to react in this chapter, so I appreciate that you noticed that! Thinking back, I guess one reason I wanted his character to be nonmagical in a magical family was that he would know enough about magic to truly recognize its power, and know to be wary of it. I guess I found that more interesting than the concept of a random Muggle having to absorb everything about magic all at once.

I believe there's one or two more chapters for this story written (but still not complete) so to be honest I should go back and find out what I planned to happen! But yeah, I definitely intended for this story to be longer than three chapters, so Lily and Andrew have more coming their way yet. I love the idea of Andrew running into goblin-- that may have to happen now.

Thanks so much for the reviews, along with everything else! Returning to this story and thinking about it has really made me want to continue pursuing it. And that's been a great gift as well.


 Report Review

Review #2, by Secret Cupid Wrong Side of the Saleslady

15th February 2016:
A first chapter at a bookshop is always a sign that the story is going to be good.

Or maybe thatís just with me.

I love how you started the story with this brief part that shows us the main characterís thoughts. I think Iíve actually had someone tell me the exact same thing Andrew was talking about, that no one can actually multitask.

I already feel very interested in Lilyís character, someone who smokes openly in a bookshop and has this sort of no nonsense vibe around her. Iíve always read about Rose being the one working at a bookshop but never Lily so this is new in an exciting way. Also it looks like Lily knows her books since she navigated her way through them very quickly and was able to find a book for Andrewís sister by knowing her favorite breakfast, woah.

And those wizards! I wonder what Lilyís gotten into that there are wizards after her. And the fact that Andrewís first thoughts were to run is actually very honest. And then when he tried to protect himself (and her maybe) he held the wand the wrong wayÖ oh poor, Andrew! I hope he didnít hit his head hard when he was knocked out by what Iím guessing was a spell.

Anyway, this story seems really exciting and interesting! A muggle and Harry Potterís only daughter are bound to make things entertaining! And I really like how much characterization you fit into a not-so long first chapter!

Oh and my favorite line:
ďNow that she was in such a tizzy, her hair was all swept off her face, and I could see the cool set of her eyes, green as a crayon color, the sort I used eat when I was a toddler.Ē
This is such a lovely description! I canít. Itís perfection. The type that I used to eat as a toddler? I nearly laughed out loud. And Iím sure my sister who was in the next room would have heard and thought I was crazy if I did. Really I loved this line and many others, but especially this one. Iíve noticed that you manage to word description in a really unique way that sounds really fitting to your stories and characters. Itís amazing to be honest. Coming from someone who is pretty awful at descriptions and imagery, Iím in awe.

And lastly, Happy (late at this point) Valentineís Day!!

Author's Response: Haha, I'd have agree, you can't go wrong with a bookshop!

It felt pretty natural to write Lily for this story, if I remember correctly. I'm glad you find her interesting; I'm definitely really invested in creating interesting characters! I hadn't heard of Rose typically being the one in the bookshop, but I can see how people might gravitate toward that given that she's Hermione's daughter. I suppose I chose Lily because she's Harry's daughter specifically-- for reasons you learned in the next chapter.

It's also nice to hear that you were intrigued by the drama of the wizards and the possibilities of Lily and Andrew. I was (and still am) definitely hoping to use this story to explore wizard/Muggle relationships a little, especially from a Muggle's eyes.

And wow, thanks for the mention of my descriptions! To be perfectly honest I've always felt that I'm terrible at descriptions, and I'd be pretty confident in guessing that that led me to try and describe things in strange ways because I felt like I couldn't do it the "normal" way. :P So it's really nice to hear that my sort of sideways approach to them is still working. I'm a firm believer that a story (almost) always needs more than just pretty language to be successful, but I also absolutely appreciate it when I come across lovely descriptions in stories. It's nice to know that I can at least sort of manage them. I'm sure that yours aren't a cause for concern, either. :)

Thank you so much for the review!!


 Report Review

Review #3, by UnluckyStar57 Wrong Side of the Door

14th March 2014:
Hello again! I'm back to review this chapter for the Review Battle! :D

Lily and Andrew in a Gringott's vault... That's a REALLY good place to hold someone hostage! No one would ever find them, especially if the vault that they were in belonged to one of the kidnappers. However, people shouldn't kidnap other people. (Duh. Sorry about this weird paragraph...)

I must say, I love Lily's character in this story. She's sarcastic and witty without being downright rude and/or crazy. She's good at problem-solving. She's independent, and it looks like SHE'S going to be Andrew's knight-in-shining-armor, rather than vice versa. :)

Now I realize that Andrew must be Alicia Spinnet's kid, or perhaps a relative of hers? (Maybe?) If so, then his mom and Lily's dad played on the same Quidditch team!! :D If not, then I'm silly and wrong. But if I'm right, I think that it's interesting that you chose to make him a Spinnet. I don't see many Spinnets in NextGen fics--it's mostly Finnegans and Thomases and a stray Brown or two. :P

This chapter was just as brilliant as the first! I urge you to update this story very soon. (Pretty please?)

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Thank you for another lovely review! Your two reviews have inspired me to go back and reread the story, and I do like what I see. I think I'll try to get back into the story and see where it goes, though it may take awhile.

I definitely wanted to try something new with Lily as well as with Andrew, so I'm glad it's working. That, along with the fact that they don't have too much in common, should produce an interesting dynamic (hopefully).

I think for Andrew, I needed him to know about the wizarding world, so he was probably the child of someone Harry overlapped with at Hogwarts. So I settled on Spinnet. I think I wanted that small layer of familiarity, for the reader, rather than having him be any old brother of a witch.

Thanks for dropping by!


 Report Review

Review #4, by UnluckyStar57 Wrong Side of the Saleslady

12th March 2014:
Hi! Sending some Review Battle love your way! Go Team Bronze! :D

The beginning of this story is incredibly epic. I love how it brings in some of the background of the characters, and it bridges the gap nicely between then and now. Muggle-wizard romances are always interesting to read, but I think that this one takes the cake for the "most plot twist-y first chapters" category. I was expecting the whole "unexpected romance" deal, but what I got was even better!!

This line was my favorite: "And, years later, it was the prospect of buying her a birthday gift that catapulted me right into the roiling mess between between the two worlds, where the magical and nonmagical brushed fingertips and sparks flew at the point of impact." Arrgghhh, it's so flow-y and poetical!! Lines like these make me sigh with happiness. I don't know why, but there's something really musical about the way you phrased things, like "brushed fingertips and sparks flew at the point of impact." I LOVE it!!

So... PLOT TWIST!!! Andrew gets in to the magical section of the bookstore using his street smarts (perhaps that isn't the right term...) and then suddenly, his world turns upside down!! The fact that he ended up holding Lily's wand upside down makes him different from your average hero. He's a normal guy who is suddenly shoved into a world that he's only ever heard about. Maybe he won't be the suave superhero that he could be (if he knew magic), but he'll definitely be some kind of hero (I hope!). And that's really cool.

The beginning of this is positively brilliant. I hope that you write more chapters in the near future! (Of course, I could always go and read the second chapter to find out what happens next, but after that, I won't have any more chapters to read!)

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review! You've reminded me how much I enjoyed writing this first chapter. I think, as I wrote beyond chapter 1, things got a little off course, and since I wasn't quite sure how to bring them back together, I put the story on pause. Now, however, I think enough time might have passed to take a second look. I was really excited to write this story.

I'm glad you liked that line! That didn't come in the first draft, certainly, but I remember trying to play around with words to describe the story, and that one stuck. I think it is an apt description of how I want the whole story to pan out.

I definitely made a conscious decision to make Andrew a truly ordinary hero, or something of the sort. I'm glad that came across, I think he has a lot of potential even though he is just an average guy.

Once again, thank you!


 Report Review

Review #5, by slayground Wrong Side of the Saleslady

4th January 2013:
Oh wow! I really, really enjoyed this :)

Lily is one of my favourite next-gen characters to read about, because I always feel as if she's the most neglected. Everything is always about Rose, Scor, Albus, James, Victorie and Teddy, but she's always been one of those characters who I felt never got the credit she deserved, and I love seeing her as a principle character in fanfiction. Even though we don't seem much of her here, I love how she's portrayed, and I can't wait to read more about her.

This story grabbed me right from the start - again, muggle main OC's aren't common either, so right away it was a wonderful thing to see. Your writing is brilliant, funny but not trying too hard to be, and incredibly clever. The whole concept of Muggle's Books made me laugh out loud, and the way you described it made me terribly intrigued, and want to pay a visit there XD

I quite like your OC, too. His name wasn't mentioned, was it? Unless I'm totally blind I don't think it was XD But I like the fact that it isn't - it just makes me want to read more, to learn more about this sister of his and his life, and who it is who attacked them in the store.

All in all it was an awesome first chapter, one that really grabbed my attention and made me desperate to read more, and I can't wait to continue on to the next one! Really well done, definitely favouriting :)

xx Molly

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the kind review! I am proud of my idea for this story, I will really try to come back and finish it when I can. I'll double check about my main character's name, I should definitely include that in there if I haven't already...

 Report Review

Review #6, by EnchantedGhost Wrong Side of the Door

18th July 2012:
Stuck in a vault, poor things! Lily is amazing ;) I like her, she's one of my favorite next gen characters and i love reading about her :D keep up the good work, looking forward to read the rest :D

Author's Response: Thanks for another review. It's hard for me to have "favorite" Next Gen characters, because they're all about a step away from OCs, but Lily fit in with this plot very nicely, as you can see. I can work with her. ;)

 Report Review

Review #7, by BoOkWoRm24 Wrong Side of the Door

18th July 2012:
Hi!!!

So I thought that this chapter was just as good as the first. It was a really origional thought to have them imprisoned in Gringotts. In fact I really loved the way you incorperated magic into this chapter, with the Disillusionment charm in the begginning and such.

I love the way you're writing Lily. She sort of reminds me of hermione in a way. When you look at it through your OC's eyes she does sort of come off like a wealth of magical knowledge. But then at the same time she has that rebelious persona that is something of her own. Its great.

And of course you left off on this cliff hanger. In fact the first chapter was a huge cliff hanger too. You have too write more now fast because I want to know what happens :P.

Anyway this story is really great. Its nice reading something thats so origional.

Update soon

Bookworm24

~House Cup 2012 Go 'Claws!

Author's Response: Thanks for another great review! To be honest, the whole Gringotts idea was a total gamble-- I keep waiting for someone to point out the huge hole in my reasoning that I missed. Which isn't good, because pretty much the entire story balances on the fact that they get locked in Gringotts. We'll see how it goes. ;)

One of the best parts of this story is all the experimenting I get to do with the boundary between wizards and Muggles, and how they interact. There's a lot more of that in the next chapter.

I'm glad you like Lily, as her character is one I'm letting write herself a bit. I started out with this really clear image of her in my head, but that was more of her attitude, not of her life story or anything. So I'm going to see where things take me, and her, as the story progresses. I'm going on a couple wisps of ideas right now.

I was annoyed that it came down to two cliff hangers in a row, but they seemed natural stopping points, contradictory as it sounds. Both are the transitions between pretty long scenes. I'm trying to push through any more, otherwise it'd get boring.

I'm not sure how this reply got longer than your review, so I think I'll stop talking now. Anyway, thank you for dropping by, once again. I appreciate the feedback!


 Report Review

Review #8, by EnchantedGhost Wrong Side of the Saleslady

18th July 2012:
oh where this chapter ends is confusing.. And poor Muggle he got caught up in Wizarding problems :P which i don't even know --' I'm eager to find out though ;) Great chapter :D

Author's Response: Confusing good or confusing bad? Anyway, thanks for the review. I'm planning to experiment a lot with Muggle/wizard interaction in this story, so that's a thread of thought that will not end with this chapter.

 Report Review

Review #9, by BoOkWoRm24 Wrong Side of the Saleslady

2nd July 2012:
This was a great begginning to a story.

I loved that it was from a muggle's prospective, it was different. It was like seeing the wizarding world from an outside prospective, but at the same time he knew enough about the wizarding world that it kept it familiar.

The way you described Lily was also really interesting. Its always fun to see everyone's diffent takes on the next gen characters. Your Lily reminds be of both Ginny and Lily (I).

I thought the intro was different too. It felt like such a random little tidbit that it actually drew me in and made me wanting to read more.

Anyway this was a great start, very origional. I loved it :)

-Liz

Author's Response: Thanks for dropping by. :) I've been thinking a lot about wizard-Muggle relationships lately, because there are so many possibilities and combinations, yet I've seen few of them around here. This is one of endless scenarios, and I'm enjoying it so far.

Sometimes I feel like Next Gen characters are just a hair away from OCs, because for many of the characters the only canon info we have are their names. In fact, this was originally going to be about two OCs, until I realized that I could tie it into Lily II and her own story.

I'm glad you liked the beginning, considering I was at a loss for how to start it and that was the best I could do. If I find a better way, I'll probably swap it in, but that's what we have for now. ;) Anyway, thank you for taking the time to comment, I really appreciate it!


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login