Ooh I really liked this! I have never read much of Astoria before, though I have written her myself once or twice, and I must say that I like your portrayal of her. Never having been mentioned in the books, she is pretty much a blank slate and I like how you've characterized her.
The internal struggle she went through in the beginning - torn between staying or fighting - was really well written. Her confusion came through well, and so did her determination once she decided to stay. I loved how you compared leaving the war to closing a book on its best part. It showed another aspect of Astoria's personality and I enjoyed that. Of course, the analogy itself was quite clever and accurate.
I found the ending to be the most interesting. It was definitely a unique spin to things. Usually, as what I've seen in other "war stories", the story ends with the person fighting or something of that sort, but I liked your ending a lot. The way her sister came in and actually imperiused her was very original. It also showed us a brief glimpse into Daphne - whether she was trying to protect her sister or had some other motive wasn't clear - but it was clear that she would go to any lengths (even use an unforgivable) to get what she wants done, so great job there.
Hats off, for such an original, well-written, and nicely expressed story. I don't have any CC for you! Great job =)
(AditiDraco95)Author's Response: Aw, thank you! I'm glad you liked it so much, especially the end - I was really wondering whether everyone else would enjoy it as much as I was hoping. :P
Thank you so much for such a lovely review. :) Report Review
Great story here. I haven't read anything Astoria before, but I love what you've done with this story.
I very much enjoyed the web you created with your characters, it reminds me very much of the Black family. One member is cast out of the family, and two remain.
I always find it interesting how people portrait the different points of views during the battle. However interesting, they all eventually become the same; character is torn between staying and leaving underage or not, slips grasp of friend, stays to fight. You've added something however, that I have yet to see: after the decision. It's always written after that an epic battles ensues, and, well I'm sure you know the rest, but what you've added is something unique that I've only seen in this story. And it worked.
Surely other things had to have been going on in the castle at the time, and I could imagine that some people would use the battle as a cover to inflict injury on others. You've got it here, and so I must say, well done! This is a great story!Author's Response: I'd never thought about the Black family parallel, actually, but that's interesting, and I can see why you would - there is a sense of two v. one, isn't there?
Thank you so much for the review. I'm glad you liked this story! :) Report Review
I really, really liked this. Its just so...I don't even know how to describe it. I think what's so cool is to see the war from someone else's point of view. Someone who isn't mentioned, who doesn't play much of a part in any of the books. To see her thoughts, which aren't super passionate to either side, is really neat. Also, her reason for staying is definitely realistic. Even when you know something is going to be tough, you want to experience it first hand. The ending was so intense. I can't quite tell which side Astoria is on, though I have my suspicions. But either way, for her sister to do that? I would be furious. Anyway, I think you did a fantastic job here. It was short and sweet. And the title was kind of epic!Author's Response: Thank you so much! :) I'm really glad you liked it. I have a hard time with the Hogwarts Era, because canon characters in central roles make me slightly nervous; I definitely had a good time exploring the war from a different POV, and I'm glad that came across!
Thank you for the review. :) Report Review
Wow, I haven't read much Astoria stuff before, and most of what i have read, I didn't like too much. Not my kind of character I think, but this. Excellent.
I loved her conflict in the Great Hall, the easy out laid in front of her, ready for her to just walk the path and be free. But she chooses the difficult path, the right path, to fight. And I loved seeing that in her mind.
And the painful moment when she realises the truth of her sisters alliegences. It would have broken her heart. To be coerced into evil by your own sister. I've never paid much attention to the canon stories of those two girls but I may have to now, you have inspired me to learn more about Astoria.
It's so well written, every piece falling into place at exactly the right moment, slowly leading to that chilling final word. Loved every moment of it.
TyrannicFeenixAuthor's Response: Oh, I'm glad you liked it! :) I have a huge backstory built up around the Greengrasses in my head, and it gets expanded to some extent in my Rose/Scorpius fics (for fairly obvious reasons) and some of my Teddy-centric fics (because he's close friends with one of their nieces). I like to think of the Greengrasses as being into danger and intrigue - Teddy's friend Johanna is an Auror, and her brother works for the Dragon Research Bureau. They're also virtually all Slytherins - Astoria was the only holdout.
(I love Gryffindor, but I dislike how much Slytherin House was simplified in the books/movies, so I like to add different and interesting dimensions to Slytherin characters that people would not necessarily expect. You should see my Scorpius - he's completely backward from most Scorpiuses I've read. He's a Slytherin Healer.)
Anyway. Now that I've bored you with my rambling, I just want to thank you for the review. I'm sorry it's taken me a little while to answer it, but I really, really appreciate your taking the time to leave it, and I'm glad you liked the story so much. :) Report Review
Gah. I honestly don't know what to say about this to sum up my feelings. It started out innocently enough; you somehow lulled me into thinking that, even though this is a story that takes place in the middle of the war, nothing major was going to happen. In fact, I sort of assumed Astoria would decide to fight, she'd run into her sister and have a brief conflict, and that would be the end of that. So you kind of threw me completely off-guard with that Imperius curse thing, but you did it in a spectacular way. Seriously, this was extraordinarily well-done, so good job.
I think my favorite part about this is the characters you manage to establish in less than 1000 words, which is no mean feat. How you give us so much insight into Celeste and why she doesn't care and how that, in turn, gives us a glimpse of what the friendship between her and Astoria must have been like. I think the sentence, "Astoria rather thought that Celeste saw the war as a deep inconvenience to her studies rather than the serious struggle it really was" really just says a lot in a little, and that's such a hard thing to do but you did it wonderfully. And I also liked your Daphne - so concerned about her siblings - and your Astoria, who wants to fight for all the wrong reasons, it seems. I can honestly say that I've never even considered what the Greengrass girls would do during the Final Battle, but I'm glad that you did and that you decided to capture it here. I've never read any stories about them before (that I can recall) so it's sort of a breath of fresh air to read this now.
That being said, I do have a little bit of criticism for you as well - hopefully it won't offend you, as that's not my intention in the slightest. I thought that the beginning was excellent pacing-wise but, towards the end, you started to rush all the action in a bit. I would've liked to see more insight into Daphne - understandably difficult, since this is told from Astoria's side. But it just felt a little...lacking in something, I suppose?
Anyway, another thing that I really liked about this was, after your shocking ending, I wasn't quite sure what side each of the girls was on. I'm not sure if that's intentional or not, or perhaps I'm just remarkably stupid, but I kind of liked the ambiguity of it all. I thought at first that, because Astoria was heading down to the dungeons, that that meant she was going to join the Slytherins - but then I realized that that could very easily mean she was going to fight them as well. Daphne's inclination to use the Imperius makes me believe that she's on the Dark side, but that's a silly assumption to make - especially since Astoria was also reaching for her wand, possibly to do the exact same thing, or to otherwise prevent her sister from interfering. So I'm really not sure what to think o___o
Which, in my mind, makes this an excellent story! I think this was a very good one-shot and I'm really happy I got the chance to review it...I also really don't understand how it only has 3 reviews, when it's so fantastic :o And with such an excellent title to reel readers in! (Another mystery: who is the fool and who is the hero? Or maybe they're both both...gah!)
Okay, enough of my incoherent ramblings. Good work! I may just have to check out some of your other writing (:
Cherry BearAuthor's Response: First off: I'm so sorry for taking over a month to answer this. My unanswered reviews built up while I was on holiday and RL has been so busy that it's taken me awhile to work through them, especially when they're lovely long ones like this that really deserve a thoughtful answer.
CC never offends me. I don't always agree with it, but it never offends me - and in this case, I totally see what you mean. I was worried about that, too. When I get the chance, I'm definitely going to go back to try and flesh the end out a little.
The ambiguity about which side the sisters were on was definitely intentional. People who've read some of my other stories (particularly my Rose/Scorpius ones) can probably figure it out, but I really liked the idea of keeping it unclear, since we know very little about Daphne and nothing about Astoria. I'm glad you liked it, too!
Thank you so much for the review. I'm sorry again for the delay - it won't happen again. I hope that if you do check out any of my other stories, you like them as much as this. :) Report Review
Ooh, this is really good!
I loved the whole atmosphere of it, it was dark and exciting, I was sitting on the edge of my seat like that would help me paint the picture better.
I really liked your version of Astoria, it was quite close to what I have always tought of her.
And Daphne! I can't believe she'd do that to her own sister! Such a perfect ending for this story!
You really are a talented writer, but I already knew that before I started reading ^^
Take care ♥
Oh and congratulations for succeeding on the challenge!
~EAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! :) I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
It's lllb here, with the three reviews I promised you from my Repetition Challenge. It's a not-so-impressive three months later, and I apologize for that, but I never forgot, just got steadily busier. Now I'm finally here, and excited to do a good chunk of reading. :)
What you did well here was exploring several characters in a short period of time. Daphne and Astoria were the main show, of course, and I like the way you let them clash. Once they got talking, the story coasted on down right towards the last, terrible word. They worked well together. But you also touched upon Brandon (who I thought at first would be Astoria's boyfriend or ex, but brother makes far more sense), and the character I was most surprised by was actually Celeste. You spoke quite a bit about her at the beginning, and I liked the picture you painted of her, in particular the part where Celeste didn't look back in order not to feel guilty. That's a very, very human thing to do.
As I've already begun to mention, I also liked the way you dealt with the plot. It was a snappy, dramatic story, fraught with the sense that time was running out and a battle would explode at any minute, without you ever quite coming out and saying so. The ending was equal to the rest of it, appropriately short and meaningful.
One thing I would have liked to see more of was detail. Yes, I've already said how I liked the way you set Daphne and Astoria up against each other, but that was my dramatic side. My more nit-picky side is still poking and prodding, wondering how two sisters could drift so drastically apart. I would have liked you to just dip into an explanation here. It could even be told by a few quick memories, or thoughts, something to prove Daphne and Astoria weren't plain good and bad. Surely one or the other had some regrets, second thoughts, or hesitations. I would have liked a closer look at their relationship, not just the obvious, but the gray areas as well.
So, all in all, a story that worked. There are some things to be improved upon, but there always are, and on the whole I enjoyed this. Nice job here, and I'll be back with two more reviews shortly.Author's Response: Hey! I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond to your reviews - I've been busy, and I had a bit of a review backup. :( So your not-so-impressive three months later is nothing to worry about, seriously.
I definitely see what you mean about the detail - looking back, I feel like it's lacking a bit of that as well. I'll definitely go back and add more in. Thank you so much for your review, and I'm really, really glad you liked everything else! Report Review
Wow, what a tangled web...
I love the obvious emotional turmoil you have put Astoria in. Curiousty, wanting to stay to fight, to know how it ends, so much complication in an already terrifying situation. You have her so focused on staying, it takes a moment for her to realize what's going on with her sister. For some reason I never had wondered what would happen if the two clashed sides.
Daphne isn't even simply disagreeing with her sister's decision, her choice of sides be one (I'm actually assuming she's on the good guys side, but you never really say, so she could very well be a bad girl).
Amazing piece, thank you for the submission! Results will be out in the next 20 minutes!Author's Response: ♥ Thank you! I am sorry about how unforgivably long it's taken me to respond to this, and I hope you forgive me. I'm glad you liked this so much! :)
If you're really curious about which side Astoria was on, it does get alluded to in "Curiosity Is Not a Sin" and even "Achilles Heel," to some extent... if you want to wade into my Rose/Scorpius. :P Report Review
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